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Quotes / "Blind Idiot" Translation

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Japanese Animes and Commas

Even electronic brain pancake crystal elderly.

What a beautiful duwang. There must be no place as pretty as this town. This feels like a picnic. *Chew*

Conpoota Seftwar/Herdwar

This Driver can't release to failure!!
—An error message that Gigabyte Technology software sometimes throws
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Censooma herdwar

Be Unique Yourself, Enjoy Every Moment.
— The tagline of a Buyee portable DVD player/Nintendo Entertainment System emulator that was part of the second wave of SouljaGame consolesnote 

Visual Tele Action in the Live

Paul Gretton: The story on the back makes no sense.
Robert Martinez: No.
Paul Gretton: "Anna’s sister cold snow queen to her under a curse". And so it goes on; it doesn’t make any sense at all.
Fake Britain, featuring counterfeit Frozen merchandise

Litter Archer

To inform oneself of a person.
How is that gentilman who you did speak by and by.
Is a German.
Tongh he is German, he speak so much well italyan, french, Spanish, and english, that among the Italyans, they believe him Italyan, he speak the frenche as the Frenches himselves. The Spanishesmen belie ve him Spanishing, and the Englishes, Englisman.
It is difficult to enjoy well so much several langages.
From "Familiar Dialogues" in English As She Is Spoke by Pedro Carolino note 

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Many experiments have been conducted in which an English sentence (preferably an idiom) is translated by one computer into Russian, then a second computer translates the Russian back to English. The purpose of the experiment is to see how much distortion results. In one case they tried the idiom: “The spirit is strong, but the flesh is weak.” What came back was: “The vodka is good, but the meat is rotten."
—Raymond Smullyan, What is the Name of This Book?

Teeter

Bernardo: How quiet guard?
Francisco: I am looking for the excitement of the mouse.
Hamlet I.i, courtesy of http://translationparty.com

Vidyo Gaems

"UH - OH! THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!"
Metal Gear (NES version)

"THIS is what I call frue destruction!"

"Barret, be careful! Attack while it's tail's up! It's gonna counterattack with its laser."
Cloud leading the player to eat a face full of laser, Final Fantasy VII

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"This guy are sick."
Aeris, Final Fantasy VII (PlayStation version)

"It really doesn't matter! But you really got guts doin' my boss (Tseng) in like that!"
Elena, Final Fantasy VII (This mistranslation, corrected in the PC release, caused many to incorrectly believe that Tseng was dead.)

EGGIE!DRUG
BAG FUCK
Vietnamese bootleg of Pokemon Crystal (For the record, it's "Eggie put the Potion in the Item Pocket". Yeah.)

There's a noble American girl named Rose
She tried to get away
From her "arranged married",
Oh oh naaaye!

At the same time she met Jack
Tap A quickly to not die as fast!
He "lighted on her life"
He lighted on a couple of her other things, too!
They were also "fall in love with each other"
Hoo hoo hoo!

JonTron singing about Titenic

"Sound of Ten persons Pulling out Mode."
Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 4, likely meant to be translated as "10 Outrun Mode Soundtrack".

"SUDDEEN KILL"
Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 3, if a 10 Outrun Mode stage is completed with an S rank.

Because nutrition sucked by the huge monsters, sor all the plants have shriving one. This atmosphere of peace has been destoyed.
The green land is becoming to wasteland. And peoples lives were also threaten by monsters.
Till one day, a little hero called Jony has come up. He must defeat all these monsters by his magic flower.

—The intro to Magic Jony
A Unique Webzone

Pourquoi débourser pour un pro quand Google Translate est gratuit? Ce n'est pas comme anyone'll connaître la différence.note 

[roll end credits]
These guys are cool, I mean, the puzzles were brutal and the maps were good. The magic effects kicked ass. YOU SUCK ASS TRANSLATORS! WHAT A SHITTY JOB YOU DID! AND TEXT CONSULTANT? YOU DIDN'T DO SHIT.

Of course, in the sucking ass tradition, the person doing the transcribing is either dyslexic or doesn't speak English. "Party on Wayne! Oh... OH! I no feel so great now Mista Wayne! I think I am going to schwing! kill all american devils"

"The famous master making guitars are: Nicola Amati (nicolas, Marty)..." WHAT-!? (bursts out laughing, but is able to mostly regain his composure) If you're going to Anglicise names, you have to be able to speak English! That's really important!

"Note: If the talk nonsense, touch the key put a bar drum cycle do background talk nonsense, if is talk nonsense long time no touch, about 26s automatic turn off, into energy saving mode, the process of ring to set off drum background". Only one person talking nonsense here, and it ain't us, old boy. Um, yeah. So, what, it can detect if you talk nonsense and shuts itself o-? I'm very confused by that.

The fun with this product starts with the packaging. At first glance, it looks rather normal, but look a little bit closer and you'll see that the certificate of authenticity tells you that the product is "dripping genuine dissapearancenote ". And rather confusingly, it tells you to "Meet the golden section of the mini-size". And finally, as everyone knows, "The instructor must have the best weapon".

I don't think I'd trust any of these marks along the bottom here, because look at this. "Use ing in room." Um, yeah... I won't be using that in my room.
Techmoan, regarding a cheap Chinese USB wall plug, The Glitchy Clock - Taking one for the team

In The West Animation

"I know those words, but that sign makes no sense"
Lisa Simpson, "Bart vs. Australia"

This is what happens when you use the online translator.
Chris McLane, Total Drama: Pakhitew Island, after failing to correctly translate the teams' names

Life Realtor

Pardon my French, but this was a goddamn mess. The SF title, "Murder Hollace," was laughable. I'm going to try to break down what happened here. First, there was a transpositional error in the game itself: the designer tried to write "murder holes" phonetically, but transcribed "holes" slightly incorrectly. This was misread by the SF translator as "Hollace," and from there... I honestly don't know what happened. I've left in their translation note below, but for whatever reason they concluded that "murder hollace" was to "trap yourselves and the enemy in a single room and fight them to the death". Problem is, "hollace" isn't a word. The OED, the definitive record of the English language, has no record of it. Common online dictionaries have no record of it. It is, quite simply, not a word - and I have no idea what logic led the translator to conclude that it referred to some kind of Sun Tzu-esque "desperate ground" notion.
Cirosan, on Fire Emblem: Thracia 776 Chapter 11x, which he has renamed "Balistrariae".


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