Darth Wiki / The Three Mushketeers

Who posts an ad looking to "save the day" in a newspaper?

Mason: Sorry, I don't speak nutcase. What exactly did you just say?

Mario: We need your help, Mason! At the moment, we're saving Princess Daisy in Sarasland, so we need you to save Princess Peach!

Mason: Interesting. What's in it for me?

Mario: We will...buy you a candy bar at Circle K or something.

Mason: YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A DEAL!

— Issue 1

The Three Mushketeers is an online webcomic made by the user "Mason" of the Super Mario Wiki. It is a Sprite Comic featuring the adventures of Mason, a red Magikoopa, Solar Blaze, a sunglasses-donning Ember, and Gupdoo, a pink Yoshi. Later on, Gupdoo is replaced by Neptune, a white Bowser.

The three unlikely heroes must journey through the Macadamia Realm to find the seven Shine Sprites scattered across the land. Most of the comic's characters are users of the Super Mario Wiki itself. The comic is also plagued with puns and Shout Outs.

The comic is completed, with 150 issues and a sequel, titled Anton the Fifth Mushketeer.

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The Three Mushketeers contains examples of:

Mason: Come on, sing with me! ''The sewers, the mighty sewers...

• All Just a Dream: One issue has Neptune dreaming about defeating Tucayo just by existing.
  Tucayo: Gah, I can't stand Neptune's stunning good looks!
• All There in the Script: Userpedia's page for the comic refers to the generic Toad in Boo Woods "Creepy Toad".
• Amusing Injuries: Mason is blasted, fried, gotten his mouth forcefully removed, and turned into Oprah Winfrey throughout the comic. They only last for either a panel or a few issues.
• Art Shift:
  • In Issue 46, "Soggy Inconsistency◊", the sprite style changes every panel for no apparent reason.
  Mason: I can't quite put my finger on it.
  Neptune: That's because you have no fingers.
  • Sometimes, a panel is actual art. For example, the issue with Weed-B-Gone has a MS Paint looking picture of him holding it.
  • Issue 110 has a bloated Paper Mario styled Special Edition. However, this was the Mother's Day special, and this was only to make it easier to read for Mason's mother.

• Bittersweet Ending: Depends on which way you interpret Gamefreak's fate. The Statue of Liberty is Gamfreakified, and Gamefreak escapes from jail, but Hoo and Hee blow the Statue of Liberty up.
• Bizarro Episode: A few of the issues can qualify as this, if you count "bizarre" as "completely insane and ridiculous". One example is the one with "I'M NOT MASON!".

• Butt-Monkey:

• Mason is fried, turned into Oprah Winfrey, depraved of his mouth, blasted, locked up, the list goes on and on...
• Scorpion doesn't last two issues before he's crushed by a Thwomp.

Thwomp: Me regret nothing.

• Continuity Nod: One of the issues has Mason supposedly being "killed" by Galactic Petey. Cut to New Super Mario, Castle Toad, and Ultra Mario watching Lakitu Eyewitness News and finding out.
  Quickie-la: Be glad that I have cable!
• Contrived Coincidence: The pipe that Creepy Toad guards just happens to lead to Shiver City, the location of the next Shine Sprite.
• Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Mason attempts to defeat Galactic Petey with Weed-B-Gone. It doesn't work.
  Mason: It...didn't work? It seemed to work fine on that Bulbasaur earlier...
• Darker and Edgier: Gupdoo dies in one issue. There's an entire comic dedicated to Parakarry telling the Yoshi clan this. Don't worry - she's revived by the Yoshi Elder in attempt to scam her.

• Early-Installment Weirdness: The jokes become increasingly more sophisticated with each chapter.
• Enemy Mine: In the final chapter, Gupdoo, Edgar, Hoo, and Hee convincing random enemies to help them "kick Gamefreak's rear for forgetting to lock us up like everyone else".

• Idea Bulb: Occasionally, the emotion bubbles have a lightbulb in them.
• Idiot Ball: Most of the final chapter focuses on Mason suggesting to Gamefreak that he should lock them, the villains, AND the celeberties up like he did with the secondary characters.
  Gamefreak: You guys are just a fountain of ideas!

• Made of Iron: Surprisingly averted. Almost half the villains are defeated in one hit. It's even lampshaded by Solar.
• The Minion Master: Neptune can summon "dark" versions of common enemies.
• No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: The final battle.
  Neptune: So, Mason, how long do we barrage him?
  Mason: Until he becomes a corpse state in which he could barely be considered alive.
  Solar: Yikes.
• Not-So-Harmless Villain: Gamefreak, despite being the first villain and only being able to turn Mason into Opran Winfrey before he is defeated, turns out to be the true villain.

• Power Trio: They're called the three Mushketeers for a reason.
• Pro Wrestling Episode: Three of the chapters focus on the trio fighting on the Glitz Lift to get the next Shine Sprite.

Neptune: Gee, I hope Gamefreak doesn't give me some pie. That will, uh...surely "kill" me.

Gamefreak: Nice try.

• Shifting Sand Land: Cotton Candy Desert, which also doubles as Level Ate.

• The Unfought: Scorpion is crushed by a Thwomp before anybody can lay a finger on him.

• What Happened to the Mouse?: It's never said if the celebrities were set free.

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This is only the beginning.

A webcomic bent on being funny sometimes fails its job by making bad jokes. This comic, however, certainly doesn't.

Warning: There's unmarked spoilers!—-

Chapter 1

• "We will...buy you a candy bar at Circle K or something." "YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A DEAL!"
• "Sorry, I don't speak nutcase."
• "Yum...cupcakes..."
• "ULTRA SUPER SPECIAL ANNOYING SINGING ATTACK!"
• "How long have you been there?" "About three and a half hours..."
• "Attack, my spherical Goomba army!" "These things are the precise reason I don't play Super Mario World anymore."
  • "We're here! We're sphere! Get used to it!" "...I don't visit San Fransisco anymore either"
• "Oprah Winfrey Attack!"
• "It looks like Gamefreak...has just been fired!" "YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
• "Are you Professor E. Gadd?" "Yabbo yaboo!" "No, I think he's Fred Flintstone."
• "THERE! ARE! FOUR! LIGHTS!"
• "Feels great to be back to my old self! Although I have a sudden desire to be the center of attention..."
• "I guess Mason and I were wrong. It's not Stewie Griffin." "You guys owe me 50 coins!"
• "Wow! He can create things with mere words. Think about it: Mason solves world hunger!"
• "I removed his mouth. What, you like hearing him speak?!"
• "Fourteen! Fourteen Goombas! Ah ah ah!"
• "You're still having to pay me, doc."
• The page picture.
• "Attack Formation Delta!!" "What was that?" "I dunno. It just sounded cool."

Chapter 2

• "You mean you want him to speak?" "That's what I said!"
• "Well, that's not how I was going to restore Mason's mouth, but that works too..."
• "If one of us you wish to be, please answer these riddles three!"
• This image.◊
• The entire Christmas comic.
• "That cheapskate! She owed me 200 coins!"
• "I've been following you for the past six hours with my super stalking ability!"
  • "That's just creepy. NEXT!"
• "Well, one night, my mommy and daddy loved each other very much..." "NO!"

Chapter 3

• "Yes, but he doesn't have cable."
• The Mason Mobile◊. "To the Mason Mobile!"
• "Do you want to know who's going to get in our way?" "Gary freaking Oak."
• "Must you resort to petty name-calling?"
• "I'll play the catchy Inspector Gadget tune and get it stuck in your heads!" "You monster!"
• "How are you going to pay us, master?" "Let's see... I have three bottle caps, a button, and some pocket lint!"
• "I left biscuits in the oven at home. I'm sure they're burnt by now!"
• "QUICKIE! GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY!"
• "I have some very important business elsewhere..." "We now return to Sanford and Son..."

Chapter 4

• "Do you accept Visa?" "Now you're talking..."
• "Well, on very rare occasions they cause heart attacks but we should be fine."
  • "...Neptune?"
• "We're underwater, guys!" "Duh."
• "The ocean is filled with the most hideous creatures around." "Do you guys want to go jellyfishing with me?" "It's hideous."
• "Taking down this Christmas tree underwater is going to be a pain."
• "I need it for my plan to turn all of the water's oceans into Coca Cola!"
• "Whatever you say, Kamek."
• "Be glad that I have cable!"
• "Can you define 'work' please?"
• "Prepare to be defeated, Galactic Petey! I have some Weed B-Gone!"
  • "It...didn't work? It seemed to work fine on that Bulbasaur earlier..."
• "That's because you have no fingers."
• "Now I've wasted a perfectly good musical number! Get the heck away from me, jerks!"
• This conversation.
  Mason: Can we use your pipe?
  Creepy Toad: What makes you think I carry one of those cancer-causing things?
  Solar: No, stupid. He meant the Warp Pipe you're standing in front of.
  Creepy Toad: Oh, certainly!

Chapter 5

• "It's not that bad. Come on, sing with me! The sewers, the mighty sewers..."
• "I got a rock."
• "I'M NOT MASON!" "Please never, ever do that again."
• "Question 1: How do you say the word "embarrassed" in Spanish?"
  • "You rang?"
• "Oh, come on! I like how it wouldn't have made any sense if you answered it the hard way!"
• "What in the world would make you think chocolate is a round food?"
  • "Oh, I thought she said brown food!"
• "If I can't quiz you to death, I'll CRUSH YOU LIKE ANTS!"
• "Look, cute rats. No, NO!! GET THESE THINGS OFF ME!!!"
• "That was a tough fight." "Of course it was. It's not like we ever defeat anything in one hit or anything!"
  • Cut to Villains Anonymous. "Thank you for this session, Ralph. All five of us have been defeated by the Mushketeers in a single hit."
• "One time I put a quarter up my nose and it came out a week later!"
• "Good...Because otherwise I'd have to take a rusty screwdriver and-"
• "This outfit was at the dry cleaner."

Chapter 6

• "I have HAD it with these monkey-fighting Cobrats on this Monday to Friday plane!"
• "All three of you are good to go with your luggage... but we're a little troubled about the guy with the red hat. The Weed-B-Gone, coins and highly dangerous magic wand are all fine but why in the world do you have three issues of In Touch magazine?"
  • "It's not like that! I'm carrying them for someone else!!!"
• "They're Hebrew National Franks."
• "They must have been working for Mr. Bones." "...Leon Schuster?"
• "I'm sorry, Mason, but if you ever, ever make such a horrible pun ever again I'll have to barbeque you."
• "I stored them safely within the confines of my-" "WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" "...Hat."
• "You lied to me Geico Gecko!" "Di'n't yew save at leas' fifteen percen' on caw insuwance?"
• "That's Mr. Bones. Max HP is 21, Attack is 100, Defense is 100, and Speed is 84. He was probably a real Koopa Troopa...long, long ago..." "His hidden weakness is to hear late 1960's hit rock pop singles!"
• Neptune Heart Attacks... 6!!!!!
• The entirety of Issue 71.◊

Chapter 7

• "Wait, I'm not a torch! I'm-" (Anton blows Solar Blaze out) "...One of the fighters."
• "They will be fighting our lowest-ranked fighters, Ed, Edd n Eddy!" "Don't jump to conclusions, guys, I think this is purely coincidental..."
• "Mushketeers win! TOUCALITY!"
• "Too easy!" "Piece of cake!" "...Entire cake.◊"
  • "Our Mushketeers gave a real whoopin' to Bundt..." "Bundt, by the way, was delicious!"
• "No! I'm reminded of my highschool days!"
  • (Flashback) "It's swirly time, nerd!"

Chapter 8

• "I need a crowd for my puppet shows, don't I?" "You monster!"
• "Hmm... I think I'll have me some Filet-O-Toucan tonight." "You monster!"
• "Your chin! It's hilarious!"
• "Nice going, Mason.◊"
• "Gah, I can't stand Neptune's stunning good looks!◊"
• "Woah, it's Solar from summer camp! I remember the time you ate a snail. Gnarly, dude!" "I TOLD YOU TO NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN SUMMER CAMP!"
• "MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE GOOMBAS TO THE YARD!!!" It defeats Tucayo.
• "EEYUCK! I've been slobbered!"

Chapter 9

• Lampshade.◊
• Timmy, Phillip, and Wanda have a cameo.◊
• "Me and my..." "Big mouth?" "Shut up."
• Medic!
• "Snap out of it! We'd never go down without a fight!" "...Now where's my crowbar?"

Chapter 10

• "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there...To get us to the Cotton Candy Desert! Mwahahaha!"
  • "I have Geico!" "Isn't that a gewd fing?"
• "My Choclate River? That can kill you...Need any help getting in?"
• "I'm Smasher, a protagonist. Yep."
• "If you want to live through this place-" "That's enough!" "Good, we're out of rhymes."
• "You can still eat anything." (Bloopers appear) "...Almost anything."
• Smasher's five helpful tips!
  1. You three are stupid.
  2. Krizzy's a bad guy. Beat him.
  3. You're morons for not noticing.
  4. I'm taking Bloops to the hospital.
  5. You guys are idiots.
• "Dude, I can just float over the Yoshi Eggs." "I hate you."
• "WATCH ME CRANK IT, WATCH ME ROLL!"
• "Neptune! Mason stupidity code 437!"
• "Did you really have to change styles in that frame?" "At least I have style."
• Land on a Blooper, and it could be boredom for you!◊
• "But I think Mason might be dead..." "Again?"

Chapter 11

• "How many coins was that again?" "I WAS KIDDING!! IT'S ON THE HOUSE!!"
• "FUGLAMUGAP'OH!"
• "Me regret nothing."
• "So Mother BRAIN was the one you were scrubbing the feet of? Is there going to be any more style clashing?"
• "Soon, they'll realize the barrier is nothing more than Hot Wheels packaging!"
• "ARE YOU TELLING US THIS WHOLE JOURNEY WAS FOR A CANDY BAR?!"
• "If those weren't the real Mario Bros., then did I really kidnap Princess Peach?" "All another illusion." "I think I'm gonna be sick..."
• "Heh heh, I mean MY planet, Homertopia. Suckers! No one will dare to drop another dome on Springfield with these aliens protecting it..."
• "Gee, I hope Gamefreak sure doesn't give me some pie. That'll surely, uh, kill me." "Nice try."
• "HOW THE HECK AM I FLOATING IN THE AIR?!"
• "We're proposing a treaty to kick Gamefreak's rear for forgetting to lock us up like everyone else!"

Final Chapter

• "For the last time, Urchin, that wasn't the song!"
• "Edgar has now become Tedgar. Farewell..." "63 issues of buildup for THAT?!" "I'd say more than 63..."
• "So, Mason, how long should we barrage him?" "Until he becomes a corpse state in which he could barely be considered alive." "Yikes."
• "I thought as Oprah, Mason would give me a free car."
• "Looks like Solar is delivering the final blow." "I see what you did there."
• "I hope you realize if it goes to space it might-" "LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING!"
• "But why are you in charge of the arrest?" "For the pun in the fourth panel."

"YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU ALL TO THE UNDERWHERE!"

~fin