Adele Skye Becker
The protagonist and narrator of the book.
- Fiery Redhead: Subverted in that Adele is pretty shy most of the time. Double subverted when she gets pissed off.
- Picked Last: Mainly because she fails at "running, dancing, and basically anything involving throwing a ball".
Delilah Zinnia Horton
Adele's snarky and lazy (but likable) best friend.
- Freudian Excuse: Being the Unfavorite in her family may be why she's such a bitch sometimes.
- The Unfavorite: In her family, where she's constantly criticized. If that's not happening, she's ignored.
A cheerful, optimistic and compassionate animal rights activist.
- Dumb Blond: While she is not very dumb, she is easily the most clueless main character.
- Ms. Imagination: In that she's a hopeless romantic, and even has Patrick and Adele's love story planned out.
- Shipper on Deck: She supports Patrick/Adele.
Brooke's best friend.
Delilah's eighth-grader crush, a musician.
- Berserk Button: You don't want to mess with the people he cares about.
The antagonist. A mean girl.
- Pet the Dog: When Patrick's dad dies, she's quick to offer help if he needs it.
Lyn PattersonThe Dragon
The biggest bully in the school.
A love interest for Alec.
Adele's older brother
- Beta Couple: Compared to all the ship teases, crushes, and relationships of the other characters, he and Saffron have a much more stable relationship.
Piper May Horton
The oldest Horton daughter.
- The Ace: Female version. Pageant queen, violin player, and studies earlier than is necessary.
Phoebe Cleo Horton
The third-oldest Horton daughter. One year Delilah's junior.
Clara Eloise Horton
The second-youngest Horton daughter.
- Only Sane Man: Only Sane Daughter. We have stuck-up beauty queen Piper May, snarky Delilah, Attention Whore Phoebe, and space cadet Nicola Clara is... normal.
Nicola Jane Horton
The youngest Horton daughter.
- The Ditz: She spaces out a lot. Justified as she's only 6.
One of Sophia's friends. Notably kinder than both of her friends.
The sportiest girl in Adele's grade.
- Has Two Mommies: Gender inversion. She briefly mentions that she could never deal with it if one of her dads died. Her two dads aren't considered a big deal. No one even raises an eyebrow.
Aurora's love interest.