Adele Skye Becker
The protagonist and narrator of the book.
- Picked Last: Mainly because she fails at "running, dancing, and basically anything involving throwing a ball".
Delilah Zinnia Horton
Adele's snarky and lazy (but likable) best friend.
- Freudian Excuse: Being the Unfavorite in her family may be why she's such a bitch sometimes.
- The Unfavorite: In her family, where she's constantly criticized. If that's not happening, she's ignored.
A cheerful, optimistic and compassionate animal rights activist.
- Dumb Blond: While she is not very dumb, she is easily the most clueless main character.
- Ms. Imagination: She's a hopeless romantic, and even has Patrick and Adele's love story planned out.
- Shipper on Deck: She supports Patrick/Adele and wants them to be together.
Delilah's eighth-grader crush, a musician.
- Official Couple: Gets together with Fala, for a little while.
- Reason Before Honor: He has no problem at all with hiring a few seniors to jump Sophia (who is a sixth grader) if she gives Adele too much trouble.
The antagonist. A mean girl.
- Pet the Dog: When Patrick's dad dies, she's quick to offer help if he needs it.
Second-in-command to Sophia.
Adele's older brother
- Beta Couple: Compared to all the ship teases, crushes, and relationships of the other characters, he and Saffron have a much more stable relationship.
Piper May Horton
The oldest Horton daughter.
- The Ace: She's a pageant queen, violin player, and studies earlier than is necessary.
Phoebe Cleo Horton
The third-oldest Horton daughter. One year Delilah's junior.
Clara Eloise Horton
The second-youngest Horton daughter.
- Only Sane Man: Only Sane Daughter. We have stuck-up beauty queen Piper May, snarky Delilah, Attention Whore Phoebe, and space cadet Nicola Clara is... normal.
One of Sophia's friends. Notably kinder than both of her friends.
The sportiest girl in Adele's grade.
- Has Two Mommies: Has two dads. She briefly mentions that she could never deal with it if one of her dads died. Her two dads aren't considered a big deal. No one even raises an eyebrow.