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Theatre / Me and My Dick

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"People say it's quite unlikely
The two of us should stick
But I just tell them,
'Hey! It's me and my Dick.'"

From Team StarKid, Me and My Dick is about a boy, Joey Richter and his dick, Dick. Joey apparently lives in a universe where people can talk to their body parts, and naturally as a teenaged boy he mainly listens to his Dick. Joey pines for Vanessa, the most beautiful Jewish girl at his school, while not noticing that his best friend Sally is head over heels for him. Things seem to be looking up for him when Vanessa breaks up with her long-time boyfriend and invites him over to her house to "study." However, when he gives Sally a tight hug, Dick is introduced to Sally's Miss Cooter and it's Love at First Sight. Now Dick can't get it up for anyone but Miss Cooter and it puts Joey in a rough patch.

The musical ran from the 29th to the 31st of October, 2009, at a student theatre on the University of Michigan campus. It was posted to YouTube in its entirety on November 12, and the soundtrack was released for purchase via iTunes on March 9, 2010. The soundtrack debuted at #11 on Billboard's Top Cast Albums chart a week later. And for point of reference, also in the top 15 for that week were Cast Recordings for Avenue Q, Mary Poppins, Mamma Mia!, Annie, Hair, The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King and Wicked.

Main characters:

  • Joey Richter (Joey Richter) — A normal (if slightly awkward) teenage boy. He is best friends with his Dick. His best human friend is his neighbor Sally, whom he is Oblivious to Love. He has a crush on Vanessa.
    • Dick (Joe Walker) — Joey's penis, he is the embodiment of a teenaged boy's libido: crass, emotional, and sex-obsessed. He does have a sweet side to him though, as shown through his feelings for Joey and Miss Cooter.
    • Heart (A.J. Holmes) — Joey's heart who tries to get Joey to follow his advice rather then Dick's. He is a hopeless romantic, over the top and emotional.
  • Sally (Jaime Lyn Beatty) — Joey's neighbor and best friend. She is desperately in love with Joey but is too shy to say anything to him. She too is awkward and considered a nerd in their high school.
    • Miss Cooter (Devin Lytle) — Sally's vagina. A Southern Belle with long, flowing hair (it works somehow!), Miss Cooter is young, beautiful, and cares deeply for Sally. She meets and falls for Dick and goes on a journey to find him again.
  • Vanessa (Ali Gordon) — The "hot little Jewish girl" that Joey has a major crush on. She is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend Rick... until she hears he cheated on her. Now she's on the rebound!
    • Flopsy (Brian Holden) — Vanessa's vagina who, unlike Vanessa, is happy to be single again as she's "sick of penises".
  • Tiffany (Alle-Faye Monka) — Vanessa's Dumb Blonde best friend who Really Gets Around. No, seriously, she Really Gets Around. Despite her stupidity she does care about Vanessa and tries to help her out.
    • The Old Snatch (Nicholas Joseph Strauss-Matathia) — Tiffany's vagina who has long since lost her youth and looks due to Tiffany's hard partying and active sex life. She is jaded by penises, remembering her long lost love; her first time. She bonds with Miss Cooter.
  • Big T (Corey Dorris) — The head of the Land of the Lost Dicks, he helps Dick out... or so it seems.
  • Weenie (Arielle Goldman) — A "pocket-sized" penis who is part of the Land of the Lost Dicks.

This work contains examples of:

  • Abhorrent Admirer: Sally begins as one for Joey. Joey becomes one to Vanessa under the influence of his Heart.
  • Adaptation Expansion: The original play was called The Penis Play and was performed about a year before this version. It completely lacked the Land of the Dicks sub-plot.
  • All Love Is Unrequited: Up until near the end the only two who seem mutually interested in each other are Dick and Miss Cooter... and even then she briefly believes he's cheating on her.
  • Analogy Backfire: A particularly epic one in Act 1 Part 8:
    Joey's Heart: What do all of history's greatest lovers have in common? Romeo and Juliet! Antony and Cleopatra! Jack Dawson and... Kate Winslet's character!
    Joey: All the guys die horribly first.
    Joey's Heart: Uh eh— BAD EXAMPLE. How about Spider-Man and Mary Jane?
    Joey: Oh yeah they worked out PERFECTLY.
  • Angrish:
    Heart: Joey, you... you stinker, you! You are, you are fatty! Joey, look at me when you cry! You are fatty!
  • Anthropomorphic Personification: One of the major conceits of the play. The body parts even have real names (the Old Snatch is Gladys, Flopsy is Myrtle, etc.).
  • Artistic License – Medicine: A standard "sex change operation" (more usually called gender reassignment or bottom surgery) doesn't remove a penis for someone born with one, it's plastic surgery to turn a penis into a vagina (something that would likely be a big deal in this fantasy world but is never brought up). Then again, all of the Lost Dicks are Unreliable Narrators about their pasts.
  • Beta Couple: A lovely example of the Beta couples actually being important to the plot, Joey and Sally can only get together with both their hearts and Dick and Miss Cooter paired up. Big T and The Old Snatch also count.
  • Black Is Bigger in Bed: Not-that-subtly referenced by having Big T, the biggest of the Lost Dicks and their leader, played by Corey Dorris, the only black actor in the cast. This is emphasized with Big T's brown clothes matching his skin tone, like Dick and Weenie's khakis.
  • Bodyguard Babes: In a hilarious bit of Viewer Gender Confusion, Big T's Temptation has Big T backed up by three backup singers/flunkies played by beautiful women (Weenie, played by Arielle Goldman, and two unnamed dicks played by Alle-Faye Monka and Ali Gordon). Even though everyone in this number is a sapient talking penis.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: A quiet one by Dick in Act 2 Part 1
  • Butt-Monkey: Joey and Sally. To the point that there's a character who is called "The Kid That Hates Joey".
  • The Cameo
    • Joe Moses appears only at the end, as Rick's dick.
    • Darren Criss has an uncredited cameo as the Italian man who kicks Weenie and Big T out of his bar.
  • Catchphrase: "That's me, the Old Snatch."
    • Joey and Dick have a private joke of going "HYO!" at each other.
  • Character Development: The plot is a Coming of Age Story for Joey and, to a lesser extent, Sally. The subplots are about the various body parts' development; the penises (mainly Dick and Big T) learn to care about relationships beyond just having sex, Heart learns to tone down his romantic notions into something more sensible and the vaginas learn to let go of their cynicism about men and penises, with the Old Snatch in particular realizing she deserves better than how Tiffany lets men treat her.
  • Cool Big Sis: The Old Snatch for Miss Cooter, bordering on being a Big Brother Mentor.
  • Country Matters: After all the euphemisms we've heard as names for the vaginas, the leader of their race is straight up called the Grand Cunt.
  • Creator In-Joke: "O'Douls", the brand of beer that Joey and Vanessa drink, is part of an injoke among the Team StarKid crew.
    • For the non-Americans who aren't familiar with the brand, O'Douls is a terrible-tasting non-alcoholic beer.
  • Creepy Jazz Music: The somewhat criminal Lost Dicks perform the jazzy "Land of the Dicks" number, helping convey the Land of the Dicks' status as a bizarre Acid-Trip Dimension City Noir.
  • Crosscast Role: Pretty much everyone at some point, since the company all dress up as pussies and/or dicks, but special mention goes to Brian Holden and Nicholas Joseph Strauss-Matathia in drag as Flopsy and the Old Snatch.
  • Dance of Romance: Dick and Miss Cooter, as part of their Love at First Sight.
    • This is also parodied heavily when Dick attempt to do the same thing with Flopsy.
    Flopsy: I'm not gonna fucking sing with you!
  • Dragon-in-Chief: Weenie in the end.
  • Dumb Blonde: Tiffany, again. Let's just cut to the chase: Tiffany's Too Dumb to Live
    The Old Snatch: "Tiffany, doll, I love ya, but you are the dumbest fuckin' person I've ever met in my entire life."
  • Economy Cast: Lots of dual roles here, in particular Lily Marks doubling up as Sally's Heart and the Grand Cunt.
  • Fantastic Racism: There's a lot of establishments that refuse to serve unattached penises.
  • The Flapper: The attire and some of the mannerisms of Flopsy and The Old Snatch are reminiscent of this. Which is, in itself, a Stealth Pun.
  • Follow Your Heart: "Listen to Your Heart", the showstopper that ends Act I. A both literal and parodied example of this trope - it turns out Joey's Heart actually has WORSE judgment when it comes to relationships than his dick.
  • Funny Background Event:
    • During Dick and Miss Cooter's Dance of Romance you can see Joey and Sally in the background gyrating against each other.
    • There are several times throughout the show where Dick gets either erect or limp depending on Joey's situation.
  • Geek: Sally, who manages to work herself up into a hysterical lather of excitement over a school chemistry project.
  • Gender Bender: Flopsy, The Old Snatch, and Weenie
  • Gentile Jew-Chaser: Joey is very attracted to Vanessa, the "hot little Jewish girl".
  • Girls With Mustaches: Nicholas Joseph Strauss-Matathia plays the Old Snatch with a full face of stubble, which might represent pubic hair.
  • Girly Girl: Vanessa and Tiffany, to an exaggerated degree, such as using texting abbreviations while talking.
  • The Glasses Gotta Go: Subverted. She does let her hair down, but when Joey tries to take off Sally's glasses she goes cross-eyed and he quickly puts them back on.
  • Graceful Loser Big T. Unfortunately, Weenie isn't.
  • Groin Attack: A variant — Dick's weak spot is the balls attached to Joe Walker's shins.
  • Heel–Face Turn: Big T after seeing the genuine connection between Joey and Dick.
  • Hollywood Pudgy: Both Joey's bullies and his own Heart come after him for his weight quite a bit, for no reason visible to the audience.
  • The Ingenue: Miss Cooter, of all people. However, as a vagina she's not exactly pure.
  • Informed Attribute: Big T makes a big deal out of how much bigger and more impressive he is than Dick, even though Joe Walker is taller and heavier than Corey Dorris.
  • Intentionally Awkward Title: Not to mention awkward premise! Though the actual message of the show is more heartfelt and less "edgy" than you'd expect.
  • Jerkass: Joey and Dick are like this at first, even admitting their bullying and mocking Sally was their way of manly bonding. Dick has his Heel Realization when he meets Miss Cooter, though, and Joey soon follows.
  • Knight in Sour Armor: The Old Snatch is extremely bitter and cynical about relationships, but when she sees Miss Cooter's devotion to Dick she's moved to intervene.
  • Lampshaded Double Entendre: Really? A musical about anthropomorphic penises and vaginas goes here? Shock.
    Miss Cooter: "I'm all aflutter in the gutter, if you know what I mean."
  • Large Ham:
    • Heart.
    Joey: "Wow, the Nine of Hearts!"
    Joey's Heart: "That's right, the King of Hearts!"
    • And Joey, once he starts listening to his Heart.
  • Long Hair Is Feminine: Parodied. One of the things Dick really likes about Miss Cooter is her "long, flowing hair." Joey responds with a dumbfounded "On her vagina?"
    Dick: (dreamily) Yeah. It works somehow!
  • Love at First Sight: Err, touch, for Dick and Miss Cooter.
  • Love Is a Weakness: Seems to be the general opinion of the Council of Pussies, all of them having accumulated bad experiences with penises. They're shocked when the Rousing Speech arguing the other position comes from none other than the most cynical of them, the Old Snatch.
  • Masquerade: The Land of Lost Dicks and the Council of Pussies apparently exist behind one, with the Old Snatch telling Joey that if he tries to tell anyone about them the whole dimension of anthropomorphic anatomy will "vanish like a puff of smoke".
  • Manly Tears: Or... not-so-manly tears.
    Sally: Nobody can come in to the choir room yet because JOEY RICHTER IS CRYING IN HERE!
  • Massive Multiplayer Ensemble Number: "Ready to Go" sets up the motivations of all the human characters (and their respective genitals).
    • This is the Double Meaning version of this trope, Played for Laughs - all of the humans, along with the virginal Dick and Miss Cooter, mean "ready to go" as excitement for finding new sex partners, while Flopsy and the Old Snatch mean they're ready to retire from sex completely.
  • Metaphorgotten: Joey and Dick's Insistent Terminology for Sally seems to be that she's "a salad", which seems to just be a pun on her name, but when he reconsiders her attractiveness Joey starts talking about how she's a fancy salad from a sit-down restaurant and not a "Wendy's salad" like he thought.
    • In a way the whole play is an example — in Act I the sentient genitals could be read as just a weird metaphor for people at war with their own sexual desires, but this all goes to hell and becomes bizarrely literal after a Shocking Moment when Dick straight up severs himself from Joey.
  • Mood Whiplash:
    • Joey crying in the choir room. The bit where Heart humorously attempts to commit suicide ("I'm going to squeeze my left carotid artery, Joey") is the funniest suicide attempt ever, and then thirty seconds later, Heart gives up, wailing, "I'm — I'm broken!" and falling to the floor with Joey sobbing next to him. Cue "Awwwww" from the audience.
    Joey: Oh, Sally, it hurts so much...
    • And then, directly after this:
    Joey: Look at me, it's like... It's like I'm crying! These tears keep coming out and I just wann'em to go back it, it's like I'm crying! I'm CRYING! UGH!
  • Nature Abhors a Virgin:
    • Joey, who desperately tries to lose his virginity because of this stigma.
    • The Pussy Council does not allow Miss Cooter to speak because no one with a hymen intact is allowed to. note 
  • No Name Given: No one in the story has a surname besides Joey Richter. Jaime Lyn Beatty commented this was intentional, to reflect Joey's somewhat It's All About Me attitude toward the girls in his life.
  • Noodle Implements: Sally's proposed science project.
    Sally: ...and it's only when the silver and the nitrogen find all three oxygen molecules that they're able to solve the case!!!
  • No Sparks: Joey and Vanessa. More specifically, Dick and Flopsy.
  • Oblivious to Love: Vanessa is oblivious to Joey who in turn is oblivious to Sally.
  • One-Gender Race: The dicks and the pussies are treated as separate species from the humans they're attached to, and it seems, at least, that the dicks are all male and the pussies are all female (though Weenie complicates this).
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: Revealed to be the case with several of the genital characters: the Old Snatch is Gladys, Flopsy is Myrtle, and Big T, though he claims it's short for Big Tallywhacker, is actually Tobias. With this evidence, one can conclude that this is also true of Weenie, and maybe even Miss Cooter and Dick. (In perhaps the most extreme example, Rick's dick doesn't even have a unique name and is just called "Rick's Dick".)
  • Organ Autonomy: So autonomous that they are separate people.
  • Pair the Spares: Tiffany and Weenie as an exaggerated form of this at the very end of the musical, after all the other humans and genitals get paired off with their intended partners.
  • Production Throwback: Several in-references to A Very Potter Musical:
    • Tiffany has the sword of Godric Gryffindor in her sex toy box (possibly referred to later in the description of the blade-play-kink incident that resulted in Big T's abrupt and involuntary disappearance?)
    • Vanessa tells Flopsy that "Every time I see him I get these pains in my chest" — the almost identical thing Ron says about Hermione.
    • Ron/Joey's headband, anyone?
  • Raging Stiffie: Dick seems to get Joey in trouble over this on a regular basis.
  • Refuge in Audacity: Ties with My Balls on Intentionally Awkward Title.
  • Rewritten Pop Version: The credits give us "Ready to Go" and "Even Though" as pure Darren Criss tracks.
  • Ridiculously Average Guy: Joey Richter as himself, although there are plenty of fangirls who disagree.
  • Running Gag: Salad Sally.
    • "That's me, the Old Snatch".
  • Self-Deprecation: Joey's Heart describes in exhaustive detail all the reasons he'll never be a leading man, including his trademark crooked jaw. Longtime Starkid fans would, of course, disagree.
  • Shout-Out:
  • Sickeningly Sweethearts: As soon as Vanessa and Rick get back together they revert to this, as do Flopsy and Rick's Dick.
  • Single-Target Sexuality: Once a body part finds a match with another it is very hard for them to get with someone else. Dick can't get with anyone but Miss Cooter, Flopsy can't get with anyone but Rick's dick, and The Old Snatch falls for Big T and all the sex she had after turned her into a nasty, well, old snatch.
  • Sissy Villain: Weenie, complete with Creepy High-Pitched Voice and being played by a woman. Underscored by the fact that he's a talking penis.
  • Sliding Scale of Idealism vs. Cynicism: The show lands in the middle, leaning towards idealism. Some of the body parts, like the pussies and the lost dicks, are cynical about love. Other parts, like Joey's Heart, are too idealistic about love. It's the genuine love Dick shares with both Miss Cooter and Joey that inspires the Old Snatch, Flopsy and Big T to let go of their bitterness. In the end, Joey learns that neither just listening to his heart or just his dick will bring him happiness; all of them need to work together for love to survive.
  • Sophisticated as Hell:
    • "Joseph Michael Richter... Y— you are a real piece of work. Let me tell you something: I've seen a lot of proposals in my day, Joey, but never have I seen such a... a pathetic... bumblefuck as what occurred out there in the hallway."
    • "The hour is nigh."
  • Southern Belle: Miss Cooter. Devin Lytle playing these is a Creator In-Joke.
  • Spoof Aesop: In matters of love, you should always listen to both your heart and your genitals. (Although if you take this to mean that sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship, then sure.)
  • Stealth Pun:
    • The Old Snatch has been with every member of the football team.
    • Miss Cooter is a Southern' belle.
    • Flopsy and the Old Snatch are dressed as flappers. Think about it for a minute.
    • Dick tells Joey they'll be an unstoppable team like "Batman and Robin or Superman and his dick!" What is Robin's real name? Dick Grayson.
    • Joey calls Dick an asshole and Dick replies, "Don't compare me to one of those guys!" So apparently, even though we only see genitals and hearts, other body parts are people too.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Flopsy delivers a pretty nasty one to The Old Snatch.
  • Remember the New Guy?: Lampshaded. Presumably Joey's Heart has in fact been there the whole time, but Dick became such a dominant part of Joey after puberty neither Joey nor the audience could see or hear him.
    • Even more so with Sally's heart, who is introduced abruptly and spoken about as if Sally has been listening to her the whole time. After she's introduced she never leaves Sally's side again.
  • The Three Faces of Eve: The three human female characters with Vanessa as the Wife, Tiffany as the Seductress and Sally as the Child.
    • The Hecate Sisters: The main three vaginas with Miss Cooter as the Maiden, Flopsy as the Mother, and the Old Snatch as the Crone.
  • Totally Radical: Darren Criss has joked about how Tiffany's dialogue ("Totes just toted!", "Recheat that motherfucker FOR THE WIN!") became outdated almost immediately after it was written.
  • Two-Act Structure: The first act is strange, what with its Anthropomorphic Personification, but its plot is mostly a straight forward High School soap. The second act, however, takes a deep nosedive into the absurd with a mystical land for lost penises, a pussy council, and flying vaginas.
  • Victorious Childhood Friend: Sally, who gets the guy.
  • Virginity Flag: Not on Sally herself, but on her Miss Cooter, who wears a flower.
  • Visual Pun: Many of the vaginas, characterized as fancily-dressed women, are seen sporting pearl necklaces. See also Virginity Flag, above.
  • The Witching Hour: Every night at a prearranged time, all vaginas detach from their owners and fly out the window to form the sacred Council of Pussies.
  • Women Are Wiser: A very odd version where, at least, women's genitals are wiser — the Council of Pussies is the Big Good shadow government of this whole setting (who can fly), whereas the Lost Dicks form a despised underclass of violent delinquents. (Also note that while Tiffany is a Dumb Blonde, her vagina is significantly smarter, wiser and in the end kinder than she is.)
  • Wrong Genre Savvy: Heart's list of corny tropes from romance novels and films for wooing girls goes over about as poorly in real life as you'd expect.