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Funny: Yu Gi Oh The Abridged Series Season Three
Crowning Moments of Funny for Season 3 of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. Please list the examples in episodic order.


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     Episode 47 
  • The Big 5 imitating Team Rocket
  • Duke Devlin on waking up with Joey and Tristan in bed:
    Duke Devlin: Ahh... waking up next to a blond and brunette. Just another day for Duke Devlin.
  • When they confront the Big 5.
    Seto Kaiba: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times... and you're about to be curb-stomped by Seto Kaiba!
  • WHO THE (bleep) IS FUNIMATION?!

     Episode 48 
  • Episode 48: Flashback to Cockney Yugi.
    Yugi: For once in my life, I knew what it was like to be Bakura.
  • The Kaiba bros. at the orphanage
    Mokuba: Isn't this the orphanage where we grew up?
    Seto: Correction, the orphanage where I grew up. You've remained relatively the same size.
  • Yami Yugi finishing Ganzly with Robot Unicorn Attack, all set to the music from the Flash game.
    Gansley: Ohhh, it's a full rainbow! Oh my God; it's a double rainbow all the way! So intense! Aaaaagggghhhhh!
  • Mokuba, about a deadpan-faced Kaiba..."And you look slightly happier than usual!"
    • "Oh my god! I'm... I'm... cute!"
  • The Flash Back showing that Kaiba Played Chess just as dramatically as he did Chess
    Young Kaiba: NOW I'M THE CHESS PRINCE!
    Mokuba: Geez Seto, you sure took games seriously back then.
    Kaiba: Is that how you address the Chess Prince?
    Mokuba: No I'm just say-
    Kaiba: KNEEL BEFORE THE CHESS PRINCE!
  • The Internet troll stinger at the end of the episode. Actually, just the internet trolls.
  • When a penguin comes to Tea's aid:
    Tea: Geez, this show is turning into a bad Don Bluth movie. Actually, let me rephrase that: This show is just turning into a Don Bluth movie.
    • This is funnier since the source material has as much meat as, if not more meat than, any of Bluth's 80's movies.
  • The whole thing with Tristan and Duke. Especially the Axe bit.
    Duke: Where are all the hot babes?
    Tristan: Gee, I don't know. Maybe they were all scared off by your CONSTANT BITCHING, DUKE.
  • This bit near the end:
    Kuriboh: Lalalalala lalala la?
    Yami: No. No, I don't love you.
    Kuriboh: (sadly) Laaa.
  • Gozaburo Kaiba. Especially, the Orphanland bit and "Sorry I tore off your ears".
  • And this:
    Kaiba: Checkmate.
    Gozaburo: Best two out of three?
    Kaiba: You lost!
    Gozaburo: But I still have my horsey!
    Kaiba: It's called a knight.
    Gozaburo: Why is the knight a horse?
    Kaiba: I'm your son now!
    Gozaburo: Horses can't be knights! I mean, that's just silly... Chess is stupid!
  • More from the orphanage:
    Kaiba: Mokie! I believe I am experiencing character development!
    Mokuba: Wow, what does that feel like?
    Kaiba: It kinda tingles...
  • "I feel like celebrating... INITIATE DISCO MODE!"

     Episode 49 
  • Yugi telling Yami Yugi that he's in pretty good shape. He plays card games all the time.
  • Episode 49: Anything with Hobson, the Gonkish mentally challenged butler of the Kaiba family.
    Hobson: HOBSON SMASH!
    Hobson: HOBSON SORRY!
    Hobson: (whispering) HOBSON NOT REALLY SORRY!
    Hobson: HOBSON POLISHING!
    Hobson: ONE DAY, HOBSON SMASH EVERYTHING THEN HOBSON MAKE THEM DO SILVERWARE.
    Kaiba: Man, what a day! I don't even wanna look at a textbook.
    Hobson: HOBSON HAVE TEXTBOOK FOR SETO!
    Kaiba: Go f**k yourself Hobson!
    (beat)
    Hobson: HOBSON DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO!
  • After Crump... descriptively describes Tea:
    Crump: Tea Gardner—age 16; sneaker 6; bra size F; I challenge you to a children's card game!
    Tea: Wait, how did you get all that information about me?
    Crump: The penguins told me.
    Tea: How the hell do the penguins know my bra size?!
    Crump: The penguins know everything!
  • Tea's first encounter with one of Crump's penguin minions:
    Tea: Awwww, what a cute little penguin!
    Penguin (squawking translated to subtitles): I will pluck out your eyeballs and feed them to my kin!
  • How Crump manages to get Tea to duel him: Friendship suuuuuucks...
  • Yugi gets a lot of nice lines in this one:
    Yugi: The door just bitch-slapped me!
    Yugi: (repeatedly, over and over again, even in the background, despite all previous evidence to the contrary) [Téa]'s NEVER played Duel Monsters!
  • And Crump's...passions.
    Crump: I looovve penguins!
    Tea: Eww!
    Crump: Platonically...
    Tea: Oh.
    Crump: And physically!
    Tea: EWWW!!!
  • Tristan and Serenity vs. a Mad Sword Beast.
    Serenity: ''(running for her life) GAH! SOMEBODY GET THIS F*CKING DINOSAUR AWAY FROM ME!
    Tristan: What a majestic beast. I MUST DESTROY IT! (jumps off the tower) Here I come, Serenity! (lands roughly on its back) Oww, my scroat! This is for killing Littlefoot's mom, you jerk!
    Duke: (taking Serenity by the arm) Hey baby, mind if I take your top off real quick?
    Tristan: Look, Serenity! I'm finally becoming a (Mad Sword Beast dives into the river) maaaaaaaan!
    (The beast does not resurface. Tristan, on the other hand, does.)
    Tristan: It wasn't a meteor that killed the dinosaurs—it was Tristan Timothy Taylor!
    Caption: Tristan Timothy Taylor. That's his name now.
  • Kaiba telling Mokuba to steal Chibi-Kaiba's Blues eyes that Chibi-Mokuba made for him

     Episode 50 
  • Pretty much all of Joey's trial in Episode 50.
  • "Wahh wahh Baby Pharaoh no like blonde man. And someone fetch me a nipple."
  • "He stole my catchphrase. In America."
  • Joey making Al and Frank angry by calling them by descriptions of them instead of names.
  • Kaiba's flashback.
    Gozaburo: This is preposterous! A device that uses holograms to play children's card games!? You're out of your mind.
    Kaiba: But father, kids just love complex machinery.
    Gozaburo: I've heard enough, I'm not funding your project. Instead, I'm going to use all my money to create weapons of mass destruction that will threaten the stability of world peace.
    Kaiba: That's insane!
    Gozaburo: You're just jealous cause you couldn't think of it first. Guards, take him outside and punish him for his insolent behavior. Whip him till his name's Toby!
    Kemo: Attention Duelists, I'm afraid you have to come with me.
    Kaiba: Who the hell are you.
    Kemo: I am the hair guy, and this is my brother, the Mullet guy.
    Mullet Guy: Attention Duelists, my mullet is about to give such a spanking.
  • Crump's horrible attempts to seduce Yugi in Tea's body.
    Crump!Tea: Damn it, Yugi, touch my boobs!!!
  • What would Tristan do in a situation like this?:
    Tristan: I'm gonna touch your boobs!
    Duke: (beat) Why?
  • When Yugi says that Joey is 'the nicest guy he knows' and 'that he'd never hurt anyone,' we get a flashback to a picnic they had recently, and Joey is looking for his sandwich.
    Yami Yugi: I'm sorry Joey... but I believe I ate your sandwich!
    Joey: (grabs Yami Yugi) Nyeh, give me back my sandwich, you bastard! (punches Yami Yugi in the face, flashback ends)
    Yugi: Mmmmost of the time.
  • When Joey encounters Johnson as Mai Valentine:
    Johnson!Mai: Hello, Joseph. I've been waiting for you.
    Joey: Mai Valentine, you sound like a man! That is completely normal for this series, but what the hell?!
    Johnson!Mai: I'm sorry, is it putting you off?
    Joey: No, I still find you very attractive. Ney!
    (Mai transforms into Johnson with sound effect)
    Johnson: It is I, Johnson. Third member of the Big Five and head of the 4Kids legal department.
    Joey: Okay...
    Johnson: You still find me attractive, don't you?
    Joey: A little bit. Ney!

     Episode 51 
  • Episode 51, they defeat Robot Nesbit with a Logic Bomb; specifically, showing him a picture of the new Yugioh protagonist.
  • The theme music battle between Robot Nesbit and Duke, as well as Serenity's theme music being the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic intro music.
  • Serenity's attempt at a Logic Bomb
    Serenity: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
    Nesbitt: The rocket-powered fist! (Hits Serenity with the fist)
  • Serenity first opening the door, under the belief that there's ponies behind it.
    Serenity: (closes the door) That didn't sound like no pony.
    Door: You must have startled it.
  • The opening: I'M ALWAYS THE ANNOYING DOUCHEBAG!
  • Mokuba: Big brother, I don't want to be on Tatooine. People might mistake me for a jawa.
    Random Jawa: Watini!
  • Kaiba deciding not to shut down the lab... instead blowing it up.
    Kaiba: I'm shutting down your research lab, Nesbitt.
    Nesbitt: Mister Kaiba, I beg you to reconsider!
    Kaiba: Kay.
    (shot of lab being blown to smithereens)
    Nesbitt: But you said you'd reconsider!
    Kaiba: I did. I was going to have the building renovated after I shut it down.
    Nesbitt: Then why did you-
  • The Ending

     Episode 52 
  • "Grabbing a pipe—" Kaiba grabs a pipe and brandishes it like a sword. "—Come at me bro."
  • Lector demonstrates Jinzo's ability to destroy internet memes.
    Lecter: Let's say we had your motorcycle, Mr. Kaiba. And for the sake of argument, imagine we were both dueling while riding said motorcycle. How would you describe that situation?
    Kaiba: Uhh, I dunno, card games on motorcycles?
    Jack: CARD GAMES ON MOTOR—WHAT THE AAAAAAGH (gets blown up by Jinzo's laser beam eyes)
  • Kaiba's 'Like a BOSS' montage, basically summing up his entire character in just a few seconds.
    • Impressed by rocks! (Like a BOSS!)
    • Be an asshole! (like a boss.)
  • This:
    Kaiba: (Possessed!Tristan is standing on a roof) Hey, that's that funny guy that says the funny things! Hey, funny guy! Say some funny things!
    Possessed!Tristan: (leaps off building) I'M GOING TO KILL YOUUUUUU!
    Kaiba: (jumps out of the way of Tristan) Hahahahaha, that's classic!
  • Once again, everything involving Hobson:
    Hobson; HOBSON RECOMMEND INVESTING IN INTERNET STOCK.
    [...]
    Hobson: HOBSON REGRET NOTHING!
    [...]
    Kaiba: My first order of business: build the ultimate theme park! All I need is a name.
    Hobson: HOBSONLAND!
    Hobson: YAY!
  • Kaiba mugging the Dreamworks executives for money.
  • "When did this show become amazing?"
  • Mokuba taking advantage of his kidnapping:
  • "Chibi Little Man"
  • "It's a good thing I'm Seto Kaiba, or that might have actually hurt me."

     Episode 53 
  • Melvin's repeated attempts to guess the password to open a door.
    • "A locked door?! Impossible!! Wait, no, it's totally possible. What am I talking about?"
    Melvin: Behold, Door! I shall now defeat you with my superior mental mind powers! Grant me access, I command youuu!
    Keypad: Please enter access code.
    Melvin: Staaab... (enters "STAB")
    Keypad: Access denied.
    Melvin: Kiiill... (enters "KILL")
    Keypad: Access denied.
    Melvin: Mutilate- (enters "MUTI") Aww damnit! There's not enough spaces. Okay, umm... Paiiin... (enters "PAIN")
    Keypad: Access denied.
    Melvin: Why are these the only words I know?!
  • This scene:
    Mokuba: Seto! You're really here!
    Robokaiba: Error error error error
    Mokuba: Wait, that's not Seto! He's way too expressive!
    Noah: Hold on a sec.
    Robokaiba: Rebooting...
    Noah: Here we go.
    Mokuba: He remembers my name!
  • Friendship Pile Driver! :D
  • This little gem:
    Noah: It's me, your biological son.
    Gozaburo: (deep booming voice) I HAVE NO SON! (beat) (lightheartedly) Oh wait, yes I do, I just adopted one. (holds up photo of Kaiba) Isn't he adorable? Now get back to swabbing.
    Noah: But father...
    Gozaburo: SWABBING I SAY!
  • Yugi in a tutu. That is all.
  • The stingers for the episode - first off being the synching of the Space Core to Astral. Followed by Melvin still trying to crack the password for the door:
    Melvin: 1111! *Access denied!* 1112! *Access denied!* 1113! *Access denied!* 1114! *Access denied!* THIS DOOR IS A BITCH!!!
  • When Kaiba falls into Noah's room from the sky he shouts "Dirt rich!" upon impact with the floor.
  • These three gems, starting with:
    Noah: Seto, how unexpected. And by unexpected, I mean totally expected.
    Kaiba: Can it with the Phineas and Ferb jokes, you tiny shorts wearing freak!
    • Followed by:
    Kaiba: Noah's my stepbrother? This is totally unexpected! And by unexpected, I mean totally expected.
    • And capped off with the end song being "Gitchie Gitchie Goo".
  • It's also kinda funny that Seto instantly recognizes a P&F reference, yet was completely clueless about SpongeBob SquarePants.
    Seto: (sings tunelessly) "Spongepants... Squarebob... he's a friendly little... guy..." (speaks) Is that it? Am I close?
    Noah: No.
    Seto: Damn it!
  • Seto tries to distinguish himself from Noah...and fails:
    Noah: It seems you and I aren't so different after all
    Seto: You're nothing like me! You're a self-centered, heartless bastard!
    Noah: Hello, Pot. My name is Kettle. You're black.
    Seto: Your hair is green! My hair is brown!
    Mokuba: Can I have another donut?
    Seto and Noah: SHUT UP, MOKUBA!
    (Seto and Noah stare at one another in shock.)
    Seto: ...that was weird.
  • Seto's reaction to the picture of Yami in a tutu.
  • This:
    Yugi: Don't worry Kaiba, you can ride with us!
    Joey: I hope you like sing alongs, Kaiba!
    Kaiba: (running away) Runningrunningrunningrunningrunningrunning...
    Joey: ...Kaiba?
    Kaiba: (still running) Must... get... away... from dweebs... specifically Joey... Hate... so intense... Makes me faster...
  • The Call Back to Episode 3:
    Serenity: Apply the hand brake, you moron!

     Episode 54 
  • Yugi's explanation on how the evil Tristan isn't the real Tristan.
    Evil!Tristan: Muhahahaha!
    Yugi: It's Tristan! The evil version.
    Joey: How can you tell?
    Yugi: This one isn't drooling all over your sister.
    Evil!Tristan: Yes, it's me, evil Tristan. And this time, I didn't come alone.
    (Gansley appears as an image over Tristan's body)
    Gansley: With all five of us controlling Tristan's body, there's no way we can lose.
  • Inside Tristan's head:
    Crump: Hey, Gansley. Dibs on the blond guy's sister.
    Gansley: You can't just call dibs on someone's body.
    Crump: Hmm. I'm afraid I just did.
    (back outside)
    Crump!Tristan: I like redheads almost as much as I like penguins. (smacks lips repeatedly)
    Joey: ...Are we sure that's not the regular Tristan?
  • Noah punishes the Big Five's failure by trapping them in "the five darkest corners of the Internet".
    Gansley: (on Megaupload) Helloooo? Ish anybody there? Why ish this place sho empty?
    Johnson: (on The Dangerous Box) In all my years on the stand, I can honestly say I've never seen so much slander.
    Nesbitt: Negative. I am a robot.
    Nesbitt: Robots have no need for clothes.
    Lecter: (on Fanfiction.net) Oh Sweet Lawd of the South, I don't know what's worse: the grammar, the porn, or all the un-American Jap-an-i-ma-nay. Huh, I wonder what happened to Krump...
  • Kaiba learning that Noah was run over... by Serenity.
    Kaiba: Did I just watch a snuff film?
  • "Yes! I am henceforth known as the ruler of all doors! Every single door shall bow before me and open at my command! I am the Master of Unlocking!" "Please enter secondary password." "NO!"
  • The planned division of the bodies among Team Four Kids:
    Evil Tristan: Yugi's body will belong to Gansley.
    Yugi: Ugh, that freaky fish guy?
    Gansley: I am not a freaky fish guy!
    Evil Tristan: Joey's body will belong to Lector.
    Joey: Neyh!
    Evil Tristan: Nesbitt will take Tristan.
    Monkey Tristan: Bananas!
    Evil Tristan: Crump will take Serenity's body. (makes slurping noise)
    Serenity: Meep.
    Evil Tristan: And Johnson will take Duke.
    Duke: This is the only time I'm ever going to say this to anybody... but I would never let you have my body.
    Tea: Wait, I didn't hear my name.
    Evil Tristan: Yeah, uh, you're free to go.
    Tea: Why don't any of you want my body?
    Yugi: I want your body.
    Tea: Why doesn't anyone want my body?!
    Evil Tristan: Well, nobody really wants Crump's sloppy seconds. Not even Crump.
  • Tea trying to persuade Kaiba into going good... with her boobs.
    Tea: Also we have THESE!
    Kaiba: (with adorably uncharacteristic awkwardness) Umm... th-those are very nice... but I'm not interested. I'm going after Noah. On my own terms.
    Tea: BUT DOES NOAH HAVE THESE!?
  • Kaiba's entire rant about stairs.
  • Yugi's makes horrible, yet hilarious, jokes about Mai, and Joey is less than pleased
  • And then there's:
    Evil!Tristan: Since I'm the evil Tristan I'm going to do the one thing that regular Tristan never could.
    Yami: You're going to get us to like you?!
    Evil!Tristan: I'm going to kill Tristan's best friend: Joey Wheeler!
    Joey: Uh, you might want to slow down there, Yugi is his best friend.
    Yami: HEY NOW! Don't Sell yourself short, we all know you two got along like a house on fire.
    Joey: Yeah, a house with people in it burning, that was us. C'mon yug, you guys were like brothers!
    Yami: I HATED MY BROTHER!
    Joey: Huh, I didn't know you had one.
    Yami: That's because I hated him! Besides I distinctly remeber you saying, and I quote: "I'm very fond of Tristan. Nyeh, Brooklyn Rage."
    Joey: Well I defintaly remember you saying: "IT'S TIME TO DUEL...With my best friend Tristan!"
  • Yami mistaking Marik for a woman. Not just at their last encounter, but since they had first met.
  • "Ohmigod what's happening to my face!? This has never happened before, what the frick!?"
  • This:
    Evil!Tristan: Even in this worthless body, you're no match for us, Yugi!
    Yami: That's my worthless friend you're talking about!
  • Yami subverts the Rule of Three during the "Tell me!" gag.
    Yami: Tell me!
    Evil!Tristan: What's wrong with this guy?
    Joey: Yeah, you should probably just tell him. He can be very insistent.
    *scene change*
    Yugi: You'll never guess what I got you for Christmas, Pharaoh!
    Yami: Tell me!
    *scene change*
    Siamun: My Pharaoh, is there anything else that I, a humble servant, can do for you?
    Yami: Tell me! ...a bedtime story!
    *scene change*
    Tea: Hey, Pharaoh! You'll never guess what happens at the end of the new Twilight book!
    Yami: ...I don't read crap.
The Stinger:
(Yami Yugi is in the foreground with his friends in the background, making him look giant)
Tea: Giant Yami! We have brought you a sacrifice so that your will may be appeased!
Yami: Fetch me a better one!

     Episode 55 
  • Yami's reaction to Noah turning everyone to stone.
    Noah: First, Duke!
    Duke: (muffled version of Sexy Back plays while petrified)
    Yami: Huh.
    Noah: Then, Serenity.
    Serenity: Ahhhhhhhh!
    Joey: No, Serenity! Great, now I gotta win another tournament to fix this.
    Noah: Then, Joey.
    Joey: Nyeeeeeh!
    Yami: And nothing of value was lost.
    Noah: Then, Tea.
    Tea: Aaaaah! Pharaoh, I...love...you...
    Yami: Wonder who that was.
    Noah: And finally, the robot monkey.
    Yami: No! Not the robot monkey! Oh, manly fainting noises. (faints)
  • Thomas The Blue Eyes White Dragon Train.
  • Yami's secret weapon against Noah.
    Yami: The card I have is Kuriboh!
    Kuriboh: Do-Da-La, Mother***er!
    Noah: Oh, come on, that pitiful little thing can't do—
    (Kuriboh grabs onto to Noah's arm and begins biting him)
    Kuriboh: DO-DA-OM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM NOM-NOM-NOM!
    Noah: AH, GROSS! MOMMY, GET IT OFF ME!!!
    (Noah throws Kuriboh off him)
    Kuriboh: Do-Da-Laaaaaaaa!
    Noah: Yuck! Not to self: remember to get my shots when I enter the real world.
  • Kaiba's flashback montage, but especially this part:
    Kaiba: (towards Yami) What do you think, Mokuba?
    Yami: I'm not Mokuba.
    Kaiba: Shut up Mokuba!
  • After Yami sees all of his friends in a vision, they give him their cards.
    Joey: Yugi, take my card!
    Tea: And my card!
    Tristan: I'm just here for the food!
    Serenity: Take my card, Yugi!
    Duke: And my card.
  • "I have the weirdest boner right now." All three parts:
    • The first part has it with Kaiba at the beginning:
    Kaiba: A Blue-Eyes White Dragon Train! I have the weirdest boner right now.
    • Then Tea's reaction when Yami challenges Noah for possession of his body:
    Yami: My body, Noah. Take it or leave it.
    Tea: I have the weirdest boner right now.
    • And finally Yami when Noah tries to forcibly take possession of his body:
    Noah: Your nipples belong to me! I want your body! Give it to me! Let me in! LET ME IN!
    Yami: I have the weirdest boner right now!
  • When Kaiba is petrified, Yami makes fun of his lame-ass deck.
    Yami: Hey, Joey! Watapon! Am I right?
    Joey: Heh, what a n00b!
    Kaiba: *Muffled By the Stone* SON OF A BITCH!
  • When Noah displays an Off Model Slasher Smile.
    Kaiba: Oh God, what's wrong with his face? Are you guys seeing this? What the hell is wrong with his face?
    Joey: (has an Off Model face) I fail to see the problem.
    Kaiba: What the hell's wrong with everybody's face?!
  • Kaiba's halloween costume
    Kaiba: (tied up to a cross) Can you guess who I am?
    Witty Phantom: Uh...
    Kaiba: I'm Jesus!
  • The trip to Yami's soul room:
    Yugi: If you can't believe in yourself, then believe in the Yugi who believes in the heart of the cards.
    Yami: Where are we, my soul room? Ah, ghosts! Begone, foul beings!
    Tea: Pharaoh, it's us, your friends.
    Yami: Begone, foul beings! Wait, what are you doing here, Kaiba? Are you one of my friends?
    Kaiba: Only for the purpose of this hallucination.
    Yami: Are you here to tell me how to win this duel?
    Kaiba: No, I'm here to warn you that if you so much as think of using my Blue Eyes in this duel, then I will never forgive you.
    Yami: Very well, Kaiba. I promise not to use your Blue Eyes cards.
    Kaiba: Good.
    Yami: Unless it's absolutely necessary.
    Kaiba: No, not even if it's necessary!
    Yami: Okay, okay, jeez, why don't you just marry the Blue Eyes if you love it so much?
    Kaiba: Believe me, I've looked into it.

     Episode 56 
  • Several. From Kaiba's repeated "it's not possible" bit to Yami and Yugi's dialogue on how to escape to the reveal as to what was the password to the door Melvin had so much trouble with. Oh, and once again, EVERYTHING Gozaburo says.
    • The third "not possible!" bit is the best
      "AUUUGH! EXPLODIA!"
    • Kaiba manages to invoke the response from himself:
      Kaiba: This card allows me to destroy any monsters in your graveyard at the cost of 500 life points each, and I choose the three pieces of Exodia — ah, Exodia?! It's not possible! No one's ever been able to destroy him!
      Gozaburo: ...Are you OK?
      Kaiba: [flustered] Uh... yeah... I'm - I'm fine.
  • Gozaburo stealing Kaiba's catchphrase and the following exchange of Hypocritical Humor.
    Gozaburo: Screw the rules Seto, I have your money!
    Kaiba: Stealing my body is one thing, but my catchphrases too?
    Gozaburo: I'll stealing a lot more when Exodia Necros is done with you.
    Kaiba: That monster is indeed powerful, but only a fool relies on a single monster to win.
    Gozaburo: This coming from the guy who spends entire episodes raving about the Blue Eyes White Dragon. Ring ring! Hello, this is pot. Hi, it's me kettle. Oh hi kettle, what's going on? I'd just like to say that you're black. Well, I'd like to say that I've been f**king your wife. Well, well.
  • Kaiba strikes a Jojo-esque pose as he orders Blue-Eyes to finish off Gozaboru...and promptly breaks his hand, and wonders how he managed such a pose to begin with.
  • Meep Meep!
  • Melvin arrives in the control room.
    Melvin: Oh look, it's Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged. This episode has my favorite joke.
    Melvin: Hahahaha!
  • Yugi mistaking it for the vagina version of episode 1.
    Yugi: Hey gramps, can we please see your awesome chocolate fudge coated super vagina?
    Joey: Yug, why you are asking to see your grandpa's vagina?
    Yugi: Oh, my bad, I- I thought it was the vagina version of this episode.
    Grandpa: (pulling out a censored card) Here it is, my vagina!
    Joey: Oh God...
  • Yugi and the gang are attacked by monsters.
    Joey: Look out, Yug! We're being attacked by digital monsters!
    Motimon: Oh, no!
  • Seto trying to dramatically point and breaking his hand, then activating the turbo boosters on the blimp...by smashing his fist on the button... with the glass still covering it. He blames Explodia.
  • Noah possessing Mokuba and then getting the urge to kidnap himself.
    • And him revealing the password of the second door Melvin couldn't open: "OPEN".
  • Noah thwarts Gozaburo by fusing with him...while naked.
    Gozaburo:OH GOD, I CAN FEEL IT ON MY BACK!

     Episode 57 

  • Right before the Title Sequence:
    Tea: Look guys, Yugi's arguing with his imaginary boyfriend again.
    Tristan: I have one of those too. I call him Duke.
    (Beat)
    Duke: What?
  • When Kaiba announces that Yugi's gang is about to take part in a four-way duel:
    Joey: Four-way? I've never even been in a three-way before! How am I supposed to know what to do?
    Yami Yugi: Don't worry, Joey. Four-ways are simple. Just pretend you're in a two-way and focus on me. Your instincts will do the rest.
    Kaiba: Okay, does everything have to be a sex joke with you guys?
    Yami Yugi: (to Kaiba) Yes.
    Joey: Heh...Kaiba's just mad 'cuz he's only ever been in a one-way.
    Yami Yugi: Ha ha...virgins.
  • Ishizu: (to Marik) I paid a lot of money for soldiers who use visible guns.
  • Joey hits Kaiba with an attack in the fourway duel, causing Kaiba's podium to rise above Joey's
    Joey: How's the weather up there, Kaiba?
    Kaiba hawks up a loogie and spits in Joey's face.
    Kaiba: It's raining.
  • Kaiba singing "One of These Things is Not Like The Others".
  • The implication that Marik wants to become a true villain to finally get a 10 out of 10 in the sexy scale.
  • It's the cockblock card!
  • And the "I spy with my little eye" bits in the beginning, with escalating hilarity.
    Ishizu: (Looking out the window) I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'c'.
    Ishizu: It was 'cloud', actually.
    Melvin: Oh, darn. Close, but no cigar.
    Ishizu: There aren't even any corpses in here.
    Melvin: Give it time.
    (A moment later)
    Yugi: I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'phallic'.
    (Soon after)
    Kaiba: Now I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'get the f**k into the Duel Tower'.

    Episode 58 
  • Melvin giving False Reassurance to Joey regarding the duel not involving bodily harm or death
    Melvin: Don't worry, Susan. This is going to be a fun, clean game. No bloodshed whatsoever.
    Joey: Well, good-
    Melvin: Tell me, would you prefer to be burned alive or just asphyxiated?
    Joey: Nyeh? But you just said-
    Melvin: I assure you, both methods are quite clean. No muss, no fuss.
    Joey: Go hump a stump, pineapple-head.
    Melvin: Burned alive it is!
  • When Melvin turns the duel into a Shadow Game:
    Mokuba: Seto, Melvin's invoking the power of Satan again.
    Kaiba: Eh, I'll allow it.
  • Melvin explaining the conditions for the Shadow Game:
    Melvin: This Shadow Game will be like no other, for in this duel, when we lose life points the damage will be taken out on our bodies as well!
    Joey: What happens when my life points reach zero?
    Melvin: That depends. Have you been a good Susan, or a bad Susan?
    Joey: My name is not- (is electrocuted) NYEEEEEEEEEEEEH!
    Melvin: A very bad Susan indeed. And when your life points hit zero you'll go where all bad Susans go: Card Game Hell.
    Yami: No! Not Card Game Hell! It's just like the real world only there are no card games. It's awful.
  • After the first time Joey hits Melvin with an attack:
    Joey: Wait, don't you mean "May I have another?"
    Melvin: With pleasure! (zaps Joey)
  • Later, Joey calls shenanigans on Melvin summoning Mega Ultra Chicken (The Winged Dragon of Ra):
    Joey: Okay, hax! I call hax!
    Melvin: What? "Hax"?
    Joey: You totally hacked that card!
    Melvin: The freak makes you say that?
    Joey: Well, how else would you unlock Moltres when you're not even in the Kanto region?
    Melvin: (beat) You realize, of course, that you deserve to die for that joke alone.
  • The Scapegoats appear!
  • This duel has more tension in it than Tea's bra straps. "Jiggle jiggle!"
  • The whole "Mokusoft" bit:
    Kaiba: Mokuba, if Joey wins this duel I will gladly give you control of Kaibacorp.
    Mokuba: Yay! I will call it Mokusoft and we will develop frustrating operating systems that nobody wants to develop for!
    Kaiba: Yeah, you do that.
  • Later, when Joey survived Ra's attack:
    Mokuba: Come on, Mokusoft!
  • Joey asks Melvin if he's going talk or duel. The pharaoh's response is priceless:
  • After the power of belief fails to save Joey:
    Tea: O.K., so, which one of y'all motherf*ckers didn't believe hard enough?
    Yami: What's that? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention...what are we doing?
    Tea: Pharaoh, you just made Joey lose a card game.
    Yami: No I didn't.
  • Tristan trying to wake up Joey:
    Tristan: It's all right guys, I know CPR. WAKE UP! WAKE! UP! WHY AREN'T YOU WAKING UP?!
    Mokuba: ...I'm gonna call a real doctor.
    Tristan: MAYBE PUNCHING HIM WILL WORK!
    • There are even more in The Stinger:
      Tristan: JOEY, WAKE UP! DUKE IS MAKING OUT WITH YOUR SISTER! IT'S REALLY GROSS! JOEY! WE HAVE, LIKE, A WHOLE DEEP DISH PIZZA AND NOBODY IS EATING IT—OH, WAIT, YOU'RE FROM...YOU'RE FROM BROOKLYN, THAT'S NOT CHICAGO—YOU'RE NOT FROM CHICAGO, JOEY! JOEY, I FARTED AND IT SMELLS REALLY BAD! YOU SHOULD WAKE UP AND SMELL IT! WHAT ELSE SHOULD I SAY...JOEY! JOEY! THERE IS—VAGINA! I DUNNO! JOEY, MAI JUST WOKE UP AND SHE'S WALKING AROUND TOPLESS! I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE! JOEY! IN A FEW HOURS, THE SUN IS GOING TO RISE!
      • You could tell LittleKuriboh was having trouble keeping it together at the end of that, too.

     Episode 59 
  • Kaiba's reaction to Pharaoh Atem and Priest Seto.
    Yami: Behold, Kaiba. The Gods are showing us the truth about our past! I give you our sexy ancient Egyptian ancestors.
    Kaiba: Why are they white?
    Yami: What?
    • "Stop activating the race card and listen, Kaiba!"
  • Yami apparently thinks of Pegasus as a manly opponent. Kaiba points out the inconsistencies of this belief.
    Kaiba: Yeah, he was a real man's man. He was that man's man, and that man's man. He was full of all kinds of men.
  • Yami asking Kaiba several times if he wants to hear what DeFusion does and Kaiba's insistence that his experience in Duel Monsters means he already knows. He tells Yugi several times that he knows what it does. And after finally acknowledging Kaiba's response...Yami does it anyway in a jab at the show itself explaining what every card does every time it's played, regardless of how many times the person has used it.
  • "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" [Actual 4Kids Dialogue]
  • "We play, we play, Card Games!"
  • The back and forward "I play this card" exchange. Quite possibly the longest duel shown in this series for that reason.
  • Yami repeatedly hammers Kaiba's adoption Berserk Button, culminating in the best/worst of the bunch, also calling back to the Running Gag about Kaiba's real father.
    Kaiba: Well I activate this!
    Yami: And I activate your momma.
    Kaiba: Then I activate... What!!?
    Yami: You heard me, Kaiba. Your momma. I activated her.
    Kaiba: Tcheh.
    Yami: Yes, you can stop searching, Kaiba. After all these years, it turns out I'm your daddy.
  • "OH MY GOD! Ishizu! Where did you come from?!"
  • Kaiba's usage of the Enemy Controller card.
    Kaiba: With this card, I can unlock hidden extras and make the game even easier for me. Watch. Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start.
    • And soon after.
    Kaiba: Alright, you asked for it. Take this! A, B, A, C, A, B, B, Start!
    Yami: (with a comically oversized head) OK, I'll bite. What mode is this?
    Kaiba: DK Mode.
  • The exchange with Yami and Egyptian Kaiba, with backwards speech.
    Yami: Priest Seto, your reign of terror is at end!
    Priest!Kaiba: It is your terrible reign that is going to be ending!
    Egyptian!Mokuba: Big brother! Is it time for my Ancient Egyptian cameo yet?
    Priest!Kaiba: Shut up, Mokuba.
    Abukom Pu Tuhs.
  • The Pharaoh thinks too highly of Melvin's ability to plot their demise...
    Yami: No doubt he is already hard at work plotting his next cruel scheme!
    (Cut to Melvin staring at his reflection in a mirror while "Goodbye Horses" plays somewhere)
    Melvin: Would you f*ck me? I'd f*ck me...I'd f*ck me hard!
  • This exchange between Kaiba and Pegasus:
    Pegasus: Ooooooooh! Kaiba-boooooy!
    Kaiba: What are you, gay?
  • Kaiba and Yami summon their respective Egyptian God Cards, and then:
    Kaiba: Now go, Obelisk! Attack Yugi directly!
    Yami: Not so fast, Kaiba!
    Yami: No, I mean "hold on a second."
    Kaiba: Oh, right. That makes way more sense.
  • Just as Kaiba is about to use Obelisk the first time around, Yami activates Lightforce Sword and we get this:
    Kaiba: Did you just throw a sword through my f***ing card?!
  • After Kaiba uses the Konami Code on the Enemy Controller card and gets unlimited cards out of it, Yami questions if it was really a good idea since having unlimited cards makes it harder to choose the exact card Kaiba wants.
  • Just as Kaiba is about to take out Yami with the Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon, we get this exchange:
    Kaiba: It's highly unlikely that you have the only card that can stop me from- Oh god, you have it, don't you?
  • When light sword is about to disappear.
    Kaiba: That's it, Mutou. You've stalled for too long. Now face the wrath of my Egyptian God Car-
    Yami: Too late, I'm summoning mine!
  • Ishizu wonders about Kaiba and Yami's duel, wishing she could be there to witness such a battle of wits.
    Yami: OHHHHHHH!
    Kaiba: AAAARGH!
    Yami: OOOOOHHHHHHH!
    Kaiba: AAAAAAAAARGH!
    Caption: [actual 4Kids dialogue]
  • The Stinger referencing Dragonzball PeePee
    Pegasus: OOOOOOOOOOOOH Kaiba-boy~!
    Kaiba: What are you, gay!?
    Pegasus: Ye—(cue speechless Kaiba)
  • This exchange.
    Yugi: Go, Lightforce Sword!
(Kaiba's Obelisk is skewered with a sword)
Kaiba: Did...did you just throw a sword through my f*cking card?

     Episode 60 

     Episode 61 
  • The intro.
    Yami: By the time you finish watching this episode, our Youtube account will probably be taken down. See ya!
  • Melvin and Yami's contest at shuffling their decks without looking at them. And Yami's cards flying out all over the place when he tries.
    Yugi: King of Games, bitch!
  • Joey lies to Yugi about beating Kaiba. Yugi tries to congratulate him, but dissolves into derisive laughter...which is heard over the intro.
  • Just before Yami and Melvin's duel:
    Joey: Beat that Marik creep, Yug!
    Tristan: Yeah! Beat him like Joey beat Kaiba!
    Kaiba: What
    Joey: NOTHING.
  • Yami refuses to believe Yugi's in danger / pain even as Melvin keeps taking his life points:
    Yami: I think I would know if Yugi was in pain.
    Yugi: I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN!
    Yami: I feel everything he feels. We are soulmates.
    Yugi: I CAN FEEL MY SOUL WASTING AWAY!
    Yami: We are closer than even the most intimate of lovers.
    Yugi: I WANT A DIVORCE!
  • The running gag with Yami Yugi calling the Shadow Realm the Purple Realm.
    Melvin: Silence!
    Yami: I'm just sayin'.
    • A little later, we get this
      Melvin: Honestly, you are THIS close to being thrown to the shadows!
      Yami: You mean 'thrown to the purples'!
      Melvin: SILENCE!!!
      Yami: I'm just sayin'.
  • This scene:
    Melvin: Say hello to Mai Valentine!
    (Mai is called out from the Shadow Realm, making a weird mewling noise)
    Yami: Hello, Mai!
    (Mai is sent back into the Shadow Realm, making the same noise)
    Yami: Bye, Mai!
  • This entire exchange:
    Yami: Behold! The card that Kaiba gave me - Fiend's Sanctuary!
    Melvin: Arrrgh! Impossible! You drew the card without even looking at it?!
    Yami: HYESSSSEE!
    Melvin: What?
    Yami: HYESSSSEE!
    Melvin: Is that...you said 'yes'?
    Yami: HYESSSSEE!
    Melvin: It sounds like you're just saying 'Hyeesssshhh'!
    Yami: (heavilly accented and slurred): Noooo, Marik! I am saying 'HYESSSSEE'!
    Melvin: Are you trying to make it sound more dramatic or something by slurring your words, cause it doesn't really work!
    Yami: (heavilly accented and slurred) Not so fast, Marik!
    Caption: [actual 4Kids "dialogue"]
  • Kaiba's inner monologue...and then Yugi's inner monologue...and then the two talking to each other over inner monologues...and then Tristan's inner monologue joins them!
  • When Melvin uses Metal Reflect Slime to make a copy of Obelisk:
    Yami: No way! Where did you get a shiny Obelisk? Did you catch that from my Friend Safari?
    Melvin: No, I... you just saw me use my Metal Reflect Slime to -
    Yami: We should trade! Let's trade!
    Kaiba: I just gave you that card! Don't f*beep*king trade it!
    Yami: I'ma trade it!
    Kaiba: NOOO!
    Melvin: Now all you can do is wait for me to re-summon my Winged Dragon of Ra, and then this game is over!
    Yami: I'll throw in a Fiend's Sanctuary for that shiny Obelisk!
    Kaiba: DON'T YOU DARE TRADE MY FIEND'S SANCTUARY!
    Yami: I'ma trade it!
    Kaiba: NOOOOO!!
    Melvin: EVERYBODY SHUT THE F*beep*K UP AND BE INTIMIDATED BY ME!!!
    (Beat)
    Tristan: I'm scared!
    Yami: Great, look what you did! You scaaaared Tristan! Are you happy?
    Yami: You don't look very happy...
    Melvin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH—!!!
  • Marik's little single-person conversation while visiting an unconscious Odion is heartwarmingly funny too:
    Marik: What's up, O-Bro ... It's me, Marik. Since I'm about to die, I thought I'd come tell you, uh ... you were the greatest brother I ever had. And you weren't such a bad henchman either. Is there anything you want to say to me? ... Maybe along those lines? Something like ... "Marik you were the finest man I've ever known? You're the sexiest villain of all time? I'll always admire you and do your bidding even in death?" ... You know, something like that, only ... more, of that.
    Odion: (still unconscious) ...
    Marik: ... Good talk, Odion... And by the way, I left some gummi bears in my room.
    Odion: (eyes fly open) Gummi Bears!
  • When Yami is pondering how he could possibly take down Ra
    Yugi: Believe in the heart of the cards!
    Yami: The heart of the wha?
    Yugi: The heart of the cards!
    Yami: Doesn't ring a bell!
    Yugi: WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT FOR THREE SEASONS!!!
    Yami: Oh, ok! ... What does it look like?
    Yugi: What?!
    Yami: I need to picture it in my head. Is it an actual heart?
    Yugi: No, it's not a literal heart, it's more of an idea.
    Yami: Sorry, Yugi. I'm from ancient Egypt. We believe in very specific real-life things - like giant red dragons with two mouths, or the idea that a strange dog person waits for us in the afterlife so he can weigh our souls with a cheap kitchen scale. You know, believable things!
    Yugi: Look, you'll probably just draw the card anyway! Just give it a shot!
  • Moments later:
    Yami: And now watch as I summon my Metal Fiend, to cause your Winged Dragon of Ra to attack you instead of me!
    Melvin: NOOOOO!
    Yami: HYYESSSSEE!!!
    Melvin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
    Yami: HYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSEEE!!
    Melvin: No.
    Yami: What?!
    Melvin: I used my De-Fusion Magic Card to separate myself from Ra, thus cancelling my attack!
    Yami: Heart of the cards?! More like heart of my ass!
    Yugi: I don't think I wanna believe in that!
  • And after that, when he summons Obelisk, which he won from Kaiba:
    Yami: Thanks for not being butthurt about that, by the way.
    Kaiba: F**k you!
    Yami: You're welcome!
    Melvin: Wait, hold on a second! Let's play something else! How about Rock, Paper, Scissors?
    Yami: Okay, I choose 'rock'. What do you choose, Marik?
    Melvin: Um...
    (Obelisk slugs Melvin)
    Yami: Sorry, 'rock' beats 'um'.
  • "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'what the f**k'."
  • Tristan still doesn't know that Yugi turns into a different person when he duels.
    Tristan: Have you guys ever noticed that Yugi starts acting like a different person when he duels?
    Tea: That's because he is a different pers-
    Tristan: His voice gets all deep, and he seems to grow taller...
    Tea: That's because he's a different person!
    Tristan: It's really weird!
    Tea: You're really weird.
    Tristan: I guess we'll never really know why that happens.

     Episode 62 

     Episode 63 
  • The flashbacks are done in the rapid comedy style of the Dragon Ball Z Abridged Kai episodes.
  • Joey calls up Ash Ketchum to brag about his RaTATa who's apparently in the top percentage of RaTATas.
  • Russel Crowe's singing voice in Les Miserablles was apparently provided by Tristan.
  • The self depreciation throughout, mocking the silly names given to the Egyptian Gods and jokes stolen from Robot chicken.
  • "Give me your Body Seto!" "At least buy me a drink first! Geez!"

Yu Gi Oh The Abridged Series Season TwoFunny/Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series    

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