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Episode 1 - Pilot
- Episode 1: Screw the Rules, I Have Money!!
Kaiba: (over the phone) I kidnapped your grandpa, Yugi, and then I dueled him into submission. So could you get over here and call an ambulance for him? I have far too much money to be expected to do it myself.Yugi: Wait, who is this?
- And also:
Joey (after Kaiba ripped Grandpa's Blue Eyes White Dragon) What the heck did you do that for?Kaiba: So that it could never be used against me.Yugi: In that case, why not just tear up every card in the whole world?!Kaiba: Shut up and duel me!
- This one:
Kaiba: I'm here for your Blue Eyes, old man, and I won't take no for an answer. Now give it to me.Yugi's Grandpa: No.Kaiba: (in a bland, monotone voice) Curses. Foiled again.
- This bit of gold.
Téa: Gather round everyone, and I'll mark us with a special sign! (Draws a smiley face on their hands)Joey: Hey, Téa, not for nothing, but ain't this permanent marker?Téa: Oh...whoops...Joey: What the heck? What were you carrying that thing around for anyway?Téa: I'm a kleptomaniac, I stole it from school.Tristan: Hey, my wallet's missing!Téa: Kaibatookit!
- Take That to the original anime version:
Grandpa:For some reason, playing a card game has somehow caused me to become severely injured!
- "Kaiba, if you truly want to know, then TALK TO THE HAND!!!" (mind crush)
Grandpa: That Kaiba kid needs to get laid.Tristan: Big time.
Episode 2 - Rocky VII
- "You bastard! You turned him into a mime!"
- This dialogue just as the tape is inserted.
Grandpa: I just hope this isn't one of those cursed videotapes that are all the rage these days...Pegasus: (on videotape) Seven daaaays.Grandpa: Oh snap, I knew it!
- Yugi looking through Joey's cards, realizing that they're much stronger than his, so he decides to steal them and says to Joey he will 'improve' it. Made even funnier when he dueled Pegasus.
Yugi: I'll beat you with the cards I took from — I mean the cards that Joey gave me.
- "Oh, Black Luster Soldier, no one must ever know of our forbidden love."
- Rex and Weevil's Beavis And Butthead-esque exchanges:
Rex: Hey, Weevil, check it out; my dinosaur's horny. Huhuh. Geddit?
- "Let's see how your Grandpa manages... without his soul!" To a non-Yu-Gi-Oh! fan, that's so out of nowhere, and the delivery is perfect.
Yugi: Grandpa... Grandpa!Joey: Hey Yug, down in front!Tristan: Yeah, we were watching that!
Episode 3 - My Cards Will Go On
- "Remind me why we're friends again."
- "Apply the handbrake, ya dumb broad!"
- "You're here, there's noooothing I fear..."
- Joey: "Must.. risk.. life.. for cards!"
- And the birth of a Running Gag - "In a few hours, the sun will rise!"
- Coupled with a "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer, since the line was actually used in the show itself.
Episode 4 - Lord of the Cards
- When Tristan was freaking out about evil rings and hobbits, Téa points out why any of those things would be on the island. Cue shot of Bakura's Millennium ring and little "hobbit" Yugi.
- The Kill Bill montage, when Joey asks Yugi if he forgave him for stealing a part of his puzzle.
Yugi: (with a subtle hint of suppressed anger) Sure, Joey, sure. *cue ironside theme*
- "Now quiver in fear, as my knight's mighty lance penetrates your moist cocoon!"
- "What are you, a virgin or something?"
- Weevil turning into Cornholilo.
Episode 5 - My Funny Skankentine
- Episode 5's "ad" at the beginning.
Yami: Yu-Gi-Oh is sponsored by Yugios. They're Yugilicious. Wait a minute, "Yugilicious?" Is that even a word?
Yugi: It lets the kids know that they're tasty!
Yami: Yes, but "Yugilicious"? Are they supposed to taste like Yugi, or something?
Yami: How exactly do you go about testing something like that? I mean... besides the... obvious method...
Yugi: Just. Say. The line. You amateur-
Yami: Fine. Yugios: apparently, they're Yugilicious. Okay, now where's my *BEEP*ing paycheck?
- "Hooray, for censorship!" *Cue 4kids logo*
Episode 6 - Everybody Hates Mako
- Mokuba, (Seto's kid brother) has just stolen Yami/Yugi's star chips.
Mokuba: Stealing makes everything better.
Yami: No! Wait! Mokuba! You mustn't do this thing! Think! What would your brother say if he could see you right now?
Seto: (in Mokuba's imagination): Well done, Mokuba! Now steal something from Joey, too!
Yami: Okay, but what would he say if he wasn't a complete douchebag?
- Courtesy of Mako:
Yugi: Did you just throw a harpoon at me?Mako: Um, I didn't want you to leave. And I wasn't sure how else to get your attention.Yugi: Just ask! Just say "Hey Yugi, could you stay a little longer?" Don't lob a freaking harpoon at me! Seriously. That's like the rudest
thing everFing Evah!
Henchman: (to Kaiba) Don't move a muscle or we'll shoot you with our invisible guns.Kaiba: (jumps out window) I'm too rich to die!Henchman: (looks out window) There's no way he could have survived that fall.Kaiba: (from down the cliff) Actually, I seem to be OK.Henchman: Nope, he's definitely dead.Kaiba: You guys are idiots!Henchman: (answering back) At least we're not dead. Like you.
- Comparing defining traits;
Tristan: My voice gives me super strength!Kemo: Yes, but my hair gives me the power to defy gravity!
- On Mako:
Joey: Get bent, you freaky fish guy!Mako: I am not a freaky fish guy!Yugi, Joey, and Tristan: (sing-song) Mako's a freaky fish guy!
- In a flashback, Mokuba is talking to Seto:
Mokuba: What's wrong, Seto?Seto: They wrote my character out of the show.
Seto: Just look at Bakura.
- And shortly afterwards:
Mokuba: Who the hell is Bakura?
Seto: Now, I'm going to hide in some disclosed location. You stay here and guard my multimillion dollar company while I'm gone. Kay, thanks.
- Then right after that:
Mokuba: But, Seto! What if an evil group tries to take over while you're missing?
Seto: Oh, come on, Mokuba. What are the odds of that happening?
(cut to scene of Pegasus)
Pegasus: So, let me get this straight, gentlemen. Now that Kaiba boy has gone missing, your evil group wishes to seize control of his company?
Group of men: That is correct.
Mokuba: I f**king knew it!
Episode 7 - Cliffhanger
- Episode 7's opening:
Tristan: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant! And you're the father!Yami: Wait a minute, did any of that stuff actually happen?
Téa: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and Bakura's the-Yugi: No *BEEP*ing way.Téa: Okay, I lied about that one.
- Before that:
- From the same episode:
Yami: Does anyone believe for even one second that this guy is a ghost?Tristan: I do!Yami: Anyone besides Tristan?(pause)Tristan: I do!
- At the end:
Tristan: That ghost didn't scare me, even if I did just sh*t my pants!
- What about:
Yami: Aha! See? You're not a ghost at all! You're some kind of... gay clown, apparently.
Yami: If you're a ghost then I'm straight.
- Just Kaiba: The Kaiba Cave, his 1337 h4xxorz 5kI11z, the Blue Screen of Death...
Kaiba: That's because I learned how to hack by watching all episodes of Star Trek.
Episode 8 - The Plot Thinnens
- The gang and (secretly evil) Bakura are each showing their favorite card.
Bakura: This is my favorite card!Bakura: Oops, wrong one!
- Also from Episode 8:
Bakura: There's something else I need to tell you. (Millennium Ring activates, changing from Good!Bakura into Evil!Bakura) You're a bunch of idiots.Yugi: This came completely out of nowhere!Bakura: (traps the others in cards) That's what you get for hogging all of my screen time, you little bitch.
Joey: Wait! Don't run with those scissors!Tristan's Voice: You're not the boss of me! (smack) Ouch!Joey: Oh no, he's dead.
- Tristan has run off on Joey's duel, but returns:
Tristan: Hey, Joey! I'm back to watch your card game!Joey: Hey Tristan! I don't care!
Episode 9 - El Juegos De Tarjeta
- Episode 9:
Bakura: (possessing a card) I've taken control of this woman's body in order to save you guys. And I don't mind telling you it feels bloody great!Evil!Bakura: By the gods, that's exactly what I want to look like!
- Later on ...
Bakura: I shall be a main character! Even if it takes me another two hundred bloody episodes.
- The Zorc and Pals opening. "Who's that crazy kook destroyin' the world? It's Zorc - that's me! - it's Zorc and Pals." And the ending: "The blood of the innocent will flow without end, his name is Zorc and he's destroyin' the world." (Just see for yourself!)
- Yugi insisting that Yami telling him how to win isn't cheating. No one buys it, not even Yami himself!
Joey: Hey, big Yugi! Has little Yugi been cheating this whole time?Yami nodsYugi: Oh, you guys can all just go straight to Hell!
- "I place Tea in face-down position. I've always wanted to say that."
- The entire "Previously, on Yu-Gi-Oh!" opening sequence in Spanish, complete with terrible subtitles.
Gah! Growth hormones!
Episode 10 - Both of You, Duel Like You Want to Win
- The episode cuts to a parody of the Neon Genesis Evangelion opening sequence complete with Gag Subs for the theme song:
"The card game's thesis/will soon be set in defense mode/with surging hot life-points/if you activate a trap card/Embracing the Swords of Revealing Light/young boy, play some card games"
- "I cast Magic Missile at the darkness!"
- Immediately afterwards:
Bakura: I say! That was a superb strategical move at a critical juncture!Joey: Who the hell said you could hang out with us?
- What Joey said about the episode:
Joey: Geez, this is a lousy episode. It reminds me of our spinoff show, Yu-Gi-Oh DMX.(cue Yu-Gi-Oh GX opening with DMX's "X Gonna Give It To Ya")Joey: Honestly, who would want to watch a bunch of rap artists playing card games?Tristan: Hey, I like that show.Joey: Touch me again, Tristan, and you're going home in a body bag.
Yami: Bullying is just wrong. Destroying people's brains with magical powers is A-OK!
- Episode 10 is The One with... New Rules as the Plot Demands.
Yami: With my Catapult Turtle, I can launch my Dragon Champion toward your castle, shattering its flotation ring thereby causing it to collapse on top of your monsters!Bakura: This card game is a load of bollocks!
- Followed immediately by Panik breaking out his flamethrowers to the tune of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire".
- At the end:
Mai: Could I have my star chips back now?Yami: Only if you beg me. C'mon, get on your knees.Mai: You're kidding, right?Yami: Did I stutter or something? Bark like a dog, woman!
Episode 11 - In America
- When Bakura is introduced as a new student from Britain, a generic student shouts, "Go back to Russia!"
Bakura: You blokes are a bunch of wankers.
- When Yugi notes that Bakura's Millennium Ring has begun pointing:
Bakura: Oh, that's just my gaydar. My father had it installed in my Millennium Ring in order to protect me, because I look so bloody effeminate!Yugi: I wonder why it's pointing towards Pegasus' castle...Bakura: Bugger if I know.(cut to Pegasus)Pegasus: This tournament is simply FABULOUS! Ooh! Let's celebrate by watching the Spice Girls movie!Croquet: Oh, not again...
Pegasus: Ooo-oo-ooh! I can sense you, Kaiba boy! And when you get here... I'm going to spice up your life. (Cut to credits as "Wannabe" plays)
- And at the end of the episode:
- The one, the only:
Kaiba: Screw the rules, I have green hair!
- After Kaiba defeats Joey:
"You don't know what you're up against. Pegasus is ruthless. Camp... but ruthless!
- In Bakura's Flashback:
Bakura: (voiceover) I was watching you play card games with your mates, when my Millennium Ring started pointing towards your Millennium Puzzle! I can't imagine why.Yami: This Millennium Puzzle is simply FABULOUS!
- At the end of each installment, LK parodies Adult Swim's black screen and bold white text between commercial breaks, and lampshades the similarity.
[i think adult swim is gonna sue somebody]
- This gem from Joey and Kaiba's duel:
Joey: (summons Red-Eyes Black Dragon) So here's this giant enemy dragon!(voice clip of Kaz Hirai shouting "RIIIIIDGE RACER!" as Joey's Red-Eyes is destroyed)Kaiba: That cost you 599 U.S. Life Points.
- (actual 4Kids dialogue) "Check his pulse, Yugi!"
- "Who would have thought a child could win a children's card game?" The delivery is what makes it absolutely hilarious!
- While wrapped in a blanket Téa thinks to herself: "Soon I'll be a beautiful butterfly, and then Yugi will love me."
Episode 12 - Duel of the Dead
- Episode 12 has two in one scene: The Katamari Damacy parody, and "My voice gives me Super Strength!"
- *POP* "Holy $^&% it really does!"
- Also, "I think Bakura's scarred for life again."
Bakura: Tell my fangirls... I love them...
- Thriller. That is all.
- "Try speaking American, it's the only language I understand."
Sid: They'll never get past this cardboard cutout of a boulder.Keith: Another victory for America.(the gang is attempting to push boulder)Joey: It's no use! It's made of solid cardboard!
- "These sunglasses sure make it hard to see in the dark. But I refuse to take them off, because I'm an American. And Americans always wear sunglasses."
- "And now it's time for my favorite Shakespeare quote. Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him. In America."
- "Hello, did you enjoy watching me pee?"
- One that becomes hilarious if you compare it with the original dialogue. Original version:
Yugi: It got Bakura!Téa: Oh no!
- Abridged version:
Yugi: It got Bakura!Téa: Good!
- Abridged version:
- Tristan: "Who's smexy now, bitch?"
Episode 13 - Busted Rhymes
- Episode 13: This dialogue:
Yugi: Hang on a second, are we rhyming too?Joey: Don't ask me, I ain't got a clue.Yugi: This is like something out of Dr. Seuss.Téa: I can't stop staring at Yugi's caboose.Bakura: Everyone seems to have gone all rhymey.Tristan: Shut the hell up, you stupid limey!
- This gem of a Double Entendre conversation after Yugi's Beaver Warrior is destroyed:
Joey: Let this be a lesson to ya Yug. Never, under any circumstances, leave your beaver exposed.Yugi: You're right Joey. My beaver was on full display. Next time I'll take better care of my beaver.Téa: I didn't know Yugi had a beaver.
Kaiba: Shut up Mokuba. Mommy and Daddy are talking.
- And also:
Pegasus: I turned Mokuba into a monster card. And he doesn't have any attack or defense points.Kaiba: You sick bastard! That makes him even more worthless than Kuriboh. Please, I'll do anything. Just don't release that card into the general public.
- The Paradox Brothers' famous spinning martial arts entrance... to the tune of YMCA.
Bakura: Oh my, I wonder if those are the gay people?
- And this Curse Cut Short:
Para: It appears that we have run out of luck!Dox: It's just a card game! Who gives a fu-
- Even more rhyme;
Para: We are villains who like to rhyme.Dox: In fact we do it all the time.Para: You may think it's rather crass.Dox: But you can stick your cards right up your nose.Para: You were supposed to say 'ass', brother. I thought we rehearsed this.
- The Mystic Box scene:
Soundtrack: Everyone loves Magical Trevor cause the tricks that he does are ever so clever...
Para: You have tricked us with your magic box!
Dox: We invite you to suck on our c-
Bakura: Cor blimey, that was a smashing maneuver! Good show, chaps!
Tristan: Stop being so British!
- Para and Dox summon their Gate Guardian:
Para: Against our Gate Guardian, you stand no chance.Para: Is that true brother, or are you just rhyming?Dox: I didn't want to throw off our timing. (Beat) But it is true.
Episode 14 - When Yami Met Sally
- Episode 14 has at least three:
Yami: Yeah, well at least I'm not adopted!Kaiba: ...what did you just say?Yami: Sorry, did I touch a nerve? Why don't you run home and cry to mummy? Oh, that's right! You don't have one!Kaiba: Yugi! I respect you as a duelist, but if you continue to act like a petulant child, then—Yami: Hey, everyone! Look at me! I'm Seto Kaiba! I have a dragon fetish and I sound like Brock from Pokemon! Screw the rules, I'm in love with Nurse Joy!"Kaiba: That's it, Muto, you're (bleep)ing dead!
- And when Yami uses a card to create an army of Kuribohs:
Yami: I activate Asexual Reproduction! Prepare to be completely smothered by my giant hairy balls!
Kaiba: How the hell did you do that?Yami: It's called cheating. Deal with it!
- When Kaiba threatens to kill himself:
Joey: This is awesome! Yugi's gonna kill Kaiba!Tristan: I've always dreamed this moment would come
- And of course:
Yami: Kaiba must die!Yugi: But what would Grandpa say?Grandpa: Yugi... kill that son of a bitch!
- Yugi's friends always support him:
Joey: Don't worry Yug, we'll be supporting ya all the way!Tristan: Ten bucks on Kaiba!Tea: Fifty bucks on Kaiba!Bakura: A hudred quid on Kaiba!
- After Kaiba used Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon:
Yami: Oh, poopie!Joey: Get up on the hydra's back, Yug!
- "I'm here for my ballet classes. I should warn you, I look damn good in a tutu!" What has been thought can't be unthought.
Téa: And then we got married and had two beautiful children.Yugi: I'm pretty sure I don't remember that. Hey, Téa, do you still have that waitress uniform-?Tristan: Hey! Stop developing your characters, we've got card games to play!
- After Téa's flashback -
- I dunno, but the kidnapping montage was pretty funny.
- The following:
Yami Yugi: Dude, don't you think you're overreacting a little? I mean, it's just a card game.Kaiba: (about to jump off a castle battlement) Card games are Serious Business!
Episode 15 - Duel of Fates
- Episode 15:
Kaiba: Now it's time for the ultimate cartoon showdown - Japanese cartoon animation versus American cartoon animation!Bandit Keith: Hey! you can't use that word! It belongs to America! Only Americans are allowed to-Kaiba: Shut the f-*beep*-k up!Bandit Keith: * Quietly* .......In America!
- Poor Mai.
Téa: Look! It's Skankety Slut-Slut!
- Star Wars opening with "Card Games" replacing the title.
Mai: Pegasus' castle. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.Kemo: Attention duelists! You are not duelists! May I please see your identification?Téa: Me love you long time?Mai: You don't need to see their identification.Kemo: I don't need to see your identification.Mai: These are not the breasts you're looking for.Kemo: These are not the breasts I'm looking for.Mai: Move along.Kemo: My hair is in love!Mai: (smacking him with her purse) Rejected!Kemo: WAIT! My hair wants to marry you (runs into the door) OW! My hair!
- And while on the Star Wars subject, Mai channeling Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Episode 16 - Fanservice
- Episode 16: Pegasus and his hooded cultists chanting "Hooked on a Feeling".
- Bandit Keith jumping on the "Fanservice!" wagon.
- Bandit Keith: Now, time for a little Bandit Keith fanservice! In America!
- He's single, ladies!
- (Arrow points to Bakura staring blankly whilst Téa and Tristan talk): Bored out of his mind.
- Tristan finds a rope:
Tristan: Hey look, a rope! We can hang Bakura with this! Then he'll be the dead body!Bakura: That never happened in the Goonies!Tristan: Well it should have!
- The line "This room is for main characters only!"
- This exchange:
Yugi: Gramps, are you okay?Grandpa: Of course I'm not okay! You put me in a home!Yugi: What? No I didn't.Grandpa: Yes you did! You couldn't stand the sight of me anymore, so you had me sent away! I swear, kids these days! They have no respect for their elders!Yugi: Grandpa, you're not in a home. You've been kidnapped.Grandpa: What?Yugi: Pegasus put your soul into a card, and now he's forcing me to duel him in a tournament to rescue you.Grandpa: What?Yugi: Grandpa, is your hearing aid switched on?Grandpa: What? Just a second, I think my hearing aid isn't switched on.Yugi: Urg! (punches ground) And now my hand is broken.
- The last scene:
Bakura: Now it's time for some Bakura fanservice! (screen goes black) Oh bugger! It's the credits!
Episode 17 - We Interrupt This Broadcast
- Episode 17:
Announcer: Mai Valentine is a seasoned competitor with a long list of victories. Let's take a look at her dueling history. First she faced Joey Wheeler... And lost. Then she went up against Panik... And lost. Her last match before entering the finals was against Téa Gardner, which, of course, she must have won... Oh, my mistake, she surrendered. I think I speak for everyone when I ask: What's wrong with this picture?
- Yugi and Joey's duel is brilliant:
Joey: Alright Yugi, I'm gonna give it my all, and try my best against you!Ýami: Like hell!Joey: Nyeh?Ýami: Face it Joey, you're a terrible duelist! You've only gotten this far because I've been telling you what to do! I mean, you've got Baby Dragon in your deck! Baby-freaking-Dragon! I bet you don't even remember why you entered this tournament in the first place!Joey: Sure I do! Because uh... you told me... to?Yami: It was your sister, you silly little man! She needs an operation!Joey: Why, is she sick?Yami: No, but you will be. Mind Crush!Joey: Nyeh!
- Joey and Keith's duel with each other.
Joey: I summon Copycat, it gives the power to copy your Catch Phrase... In America!Keith: Hey, that's my joke! It only works when I say "In America"! It loses all meaning when you say it.Joey: Nyeh? What's that? I was too busy being American.Joey: You're right, I must've left it back home... (Beat) In America!Announcer: Uh oh, looks like Bandit Keith has snapped, and he's being forced to abandon the duel.
- And then after Bandit Keith's loss, he challenges Pegasus:
Bandit Keith: Pegasus, I pledge allegiance to your death! You sorry excuse for an American!Bandit Keith: (falling off cliff) AHHHHHHHHHHHH.........in America! (splash)
- Next week, on a Very Special Episode of Zorc and Pals:
Yami Bakura: Zorc, what's wrong? Why haven't you destroyed the world?Zorc: Because I have a terminal disease!Yami Bakura: But you can't die! What about our adopted daughter? Who's going to take care of her when you're gone?Zorc: She also has a terminal disease!
Episode 18 - Turn Around, Bright Eyes
- Yugi's grandpa on playing card games:
Yugi's Grandpa: Playing card games is like making love; you usually do it on a table, and you always feel deep shame when it's finished. Also, the older you get, the less fun it is. So remember, always wear a condom when playing card games.
- Tea thinks something interesting is happening:
Yami: Blah, blah, card games, blah!Pegasus: Blah, blah, blah, attack mode, blah.Yami: Blah, blah, blah?!Pegasus: Blaaaaaah...Tea: Oops, my mistake.
- How Yami defeats Pegasus:
Yami: I summon LittleKuriboh impostors!Pegasus: No! There are so many of them! I can't tell which one is the original!Yami: Which means you'll never be able to watch the abridged series ever again!Yami: Don't worry, Pegasus, there's always Naruto The Abridged Series. But as everyone knows, that's just not as good!Pegasus: Oh, NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- There's also...
Yami: Couldn't I just Mind Crush him?Yugi: You can't fix all your problems by Mind Crushing people!Yami: Oh, come on, just one little Mind Crush, it'll barely hurt him.Yugi: No! Bad Pharaoh! No Mind Crush!
- "It's like something out of HP Lovecraft, only gay!"
- "My voice knows kung-fu!"
Guard: (clanking sound is heard) "Did I hear something just now? Nah, must have been the wind." (clanking sound gets louder) "Yeah, that's definitely the sound that wind makes."
- Tristan somehow thinking that Bakura is really Spider-Man, and Bakura (reluctantly) saying he is just so he doesn't have to put up with Tristan's whining.
Tea: My nipples sense Yugi is in great peril!Joey: Mine too!
Episode 19 - Jagshamesh!
- Episode 19:
[As an unconscious Pegasus is carried past by a guard]Tristan: He died as he lived: draped in the arms of another man.
- And in the flashback:
Pegasus: We fell in love instantly and decided to get married. Then when we were standing at the altar, something very unexpected happened. You exploded... Yeah, that was kinda weird.
- And later in the episode...
Pegasus: At long last I was reunited with you, my love. I thought my dreams had finally come true. But then, you exploded. Again. You really need to stop doing that.
- When Bakura defeats Pegasus... With ANCIENT EGYPTIAN LASER BEAMS! note
Pegasus: You took out the wrong eyeball, you fool!
- Any moment with Shadi, especially when he's in Yugi's head...
Yami: By the way, have you ever seen Labyrinth?Shadi: No. Why?Yami: No reason.(cue David Bowie as Shadi stumbles through the maze)
- "Screw my sister, I have money!"
Episode 20 - The Rebexorcist
- Episode 20:
Rebecca: I'm looking for Solomon Muto!Yugi: Who the hell is Solomon Muto?Téa: Yugi, that's your grandpa.Yugi: He has a NAME?!
- Grandpa's "wisdom:"
Téa: Shut up. Yugi's grandpa would never lie. He's the wisest man I've ever met.Grandpa: Where am I? What day is it? I like pudding.
- Grandpa explaining how he and Arthur became friends:
Grandpa: We met in Egypt, where we bonded over our mutual hatred of young people. There, Arthur shared some very radical theories with me.Arthur: I believe that the Ancient Egyptians used to play Yu-Gi-Oh cards in their spare time.Grandpa: Pull the other one!Grandpa: No, really, I mean it!Grandpa: Next you'll be telling me that the Romans played Pokémon!Arthur: Look at this card, Solomon. See how this card barely resembles these ancient hieroglyphs!Grandpa: (Voiceover): Just then, the tomb collapsed around us. We had been trapped inside a cold and desolate place, far from human contact. But since we were both very old, we were used to that sort of thing.Arthur: I say Solomon, let's have a card game to decide which one of us gets to live.Grandpa: That's the sickest thing I've ever heard of. Let's do it!
- Rebecca's evil teddy bear. Especially the lines: "Your mother plays card games in hell!" and "Touch me and DIE, unclean one!"
Episode 21 - Massively Multiplayer Online Children's Card Game
- Episode 21:
Kaiba: (being chained up) What the hell is the point of this scene?The Witty Phantom: It gives the fangirls a chance to see you in chains.
- "Hey, this fairy is really annoying! Let's kill it!"
- The group's reaction to Princess Edena, a gender flipped version of Mokuba:
Edena: Hello, I'm Princess Edena.Joey: This is just wrong.Mokuba: I've never been more traumatized in my entire life. Why would my brother create something so twisted?Joey: Now do you see why we hate him so much?Edena: Welcome to the land of Simlau. Every year my people are beset by a terrible evil. A mythic dragon descends from on high to devour the—Yugi: Question.Edena: Um, yes?Yugi: Just what the hell are you anyway? Are you a boy or a girl?Joey: Maybe it's a she-male. You know, like Bakura.Mokuba: Whatever it is, it's going to haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.Edena: Excuse me, brave heroes, but I'm trying to tell you about the suffering of my people.Yugi: I think it's pretty obvious why your people are suffering: their ruler is a transvestite.Edena: The only way to defeat the mythical dragon is to resurrect the ancient flying machine that would—Yugi: Why weren't you censored anyway? Guns are bad but cross-dressing princesses are A-OK?
- Also, as they're going into the virtual world:
Kaiba's impersonation of De La Soul in the ending stinger.
- Joey: Bye, darling!Tristan: Ixnay on the arlingday...
Episode 22 - Shine On, You Crazy Devlin
- Episode 22: Joey tries to tell Tristan about the birds and the bees.
Téa: Joey, no! We mustn't let Tristan breed!
- "They say he's the sexiest thing since sex." "Eh, sex isn't that sexy."
- Yes yes work it baby! Grandpa likes it like that! Shake it like a Polaroid picture!
- "Cheap parlour tricks are very erotic!"
- "Why hasn't anyone noticed I'm not wearing a school uniform?"
- "Duke Devlin, You've gone too far! How Dare you force Joey to uphold his end of the Bargain?!"
- Yami vs. Duke Devlin.
Duke: We'll play Dungeon Dice Monsters, a game of my own creation. We each take it in turns to draw dice.Yami: So it's just like Duel Monsters.Duke: Then we use those dice to summon holographic monsters to the field.Yami: So it's just like Duel Monsters.Duke: Both opponents are given three Heart Points, and when they run out, the game is-Yami: So it's just like Duel Monsters.Duke: Hey, stop it! My game is nothing like Duel Monsters!Yami: Prove it then!(Pause)Duke: My game uses dice.Tristan: Burn the witch!
- Then later, as the battle is underway:
Duke: [Pegasus] was incredible! It was like he'd played Dungeon Dice Monsters his whole life!Yami: That's probably because he had! Your game is exactly like Duel Monsters!
- Then later, as the battle is underway:
- The following conversation between Yami and Duke:
- Duke: If I win you must swear on the life of your grandfather that you'll never play card games ever again!Yami: Big deal, he'll be dead by the end of the month.
- This scene always has been laughing my ass off:
- Duke (with Sexy Back playing): I owe you guys an apology. I treated you all like crap. Do you think we can still be friends in season two?Yugi: Only if you stop using that annoying theme music.Duke (Sexy Back still playing): What theme music?