Funny / Jimquisition

  • This is Jim Sterling's savage, biting intellectual impression of Nintendo of America.
  • At the end of "Welcoming a Digital Future", Jim is too absorbed in his Playstation Vita to round out the episode properly.
  • In the "Let's End the FPS Sausage-fest" episode, describing how men in modern shooters apparently reproduce like Orks. Also, Jim in drag.
  • Anything involving "Miniature Fantasy Willem Dafoe."
  • When pedophilia is brought into the Mass Effect 3 Gay Option debate, he patronisingly lays out the difference concerning pedophilia, and there is a brief moment where he turns the patronisation Up to Eleven when his voice goes slightly high-pitched.
  • His response to people who moan about "biased" reviews was that they should hire bananas as review editors.
  • His opening to "Sony's Begging For Piracy", in which he plays the main theme to Grandia on his PSP and just... just... look, just watch it.
  • His opening to "I Hate Videogames (Because I Love Them)", mainly in part due to Jim's comical overacting. It starts with a promotional plug for Chick-Fil-A, before Jim spits it out and...
    It tastes like hating gay people! *sniffs the food and retches some more* And it smells of fuckin' shit!
    • Done again in "In the Hall of the Mountain Dew" where he opens the episode by drinking some Mountain Dew, before his eyes widen and...
    *Waves his hand in front of his face* I'VE GONE BLIIIIIIND!!!
    • And then there's his comical despair at continuing to drink it.
    It tastes like sugar and hedgehog piss...!
  • At the beginning of "Xbox One and the death of ownership", Jim Sterling says this:
    Jim Sterling: It's Friday morning as I record this. The video itself will be up on Monday, too early to do E3 reactions and too late to do E3 predictions. But it's gotta be something to do with E3, what would you have of me? Oh if only Microsoft had done something stupid and vile to such a degree it didn't matter whether it was E3 or not, and I'd have material for weeks! (Rapturous joy) Oh wait! YES THEY DID! (Produces massive knives and starts stroking them together) Oh this is gonna be SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (Laughs maniacally)
  • At the start of "Jimquisition: Changing A Game's Ending And Destroying Art," Jim is talking dirty on the phone. Then he looks at the camera in surprise, and quickly puts the phone away before finally saying "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck."
  • After getting syndication from Escapist Magazine, Jim proudly declares it by stating that he was gonna abuse the power this gave him and declare Dynasty Warriors the "Citizen Kane" of video games, complete with an Evil Laugh.
  • Jim starts his "Previewed, Preordered, Prescrewed" video by destroying a copy of Aliens: Colonial Marines with the Penetrator, a giant purple dildo bat.
  • This video: "'Ell-ow. Ah ahm DAH-vid Cage."
    Jim: Now why the hell did they release that after I finished editing the David Cage episode?
    Miniature Fantasy Willem: Who cares? I have emotions! WAAAAAAHHHH!
  • The end of "The Creepy Cull of Female Protagonists," where Jim suggests that anyone who is frightened off by female protagonists might be hiding something. But don't worry, because
    If you need me to be your Daddy, I will. *slllluuuuurrrrp*
  • "This just in, the Wii U has just obtained the most sought-after exclusive of this generation — an Aliens: Colonial Marines cancellation!"
  • Jim's teardown of Tetsuya Nomura's jarring rendition of Batman at the beginning of "Batman Is Everything Wrong With Square Enix" is priceless.
    "First off, let's look at this "thing" that might almost resemble Batman if you squint a bit. There's too much of him for one thing. The angles have angles on them, the armor is clad in armor, the pointy bits are extra pointy and accommodate more points with pointy bits on the pointy bits, his cape breaks off at the end for more cape,and is lined with bone that splits off into two extra arms that are skeletons. It's so chock-full of details within details that you can barely make out any of the... Well... Details! His face is lost amid the clash of spikes and bones. There's no central focus point. There's nothing for the eyes to home in on. The very idea of it being Batman is hard to determine behind the dragon wings and pseudo-medieval post-futuristic armor plating. It's gibberish in toy form is what it is! Pure unmitigated gibberish.''
    • Followed up with this gem:
    "If brevity is the soul of wit, then Square Enix boasts some of the most witless fuckers in video games."
  • His invitation for others to join him in an Evil Laugh over the "Xbox 180", complete with a clip of Megatron laughing with Jim's voice, is so perfectly timed that chances are you actually will be joining in.
    "And now, if you'll join me..."
  • In his "Sequel or Slaughter" video, he rounded out his ranting with how he thought all sequels weren't bad if there's justification. In his words, "How could I hate sequels? Look at how much jizz is on this copy of Dynasty Warriors 8!" Some then promptly drips onto his fingers. He licks one of them for some reason and then gags.
    • And that is not the only time he licks things. At the end of "Integrity, Journalism, and Free PS4s", he licks his "free" Sony-supplied PlayStation 4 while making disturbing noises and ends the video with "Did I game journalism or not?".
    • And he does it again in "Who "Won" The Next-Gen Launch?" where he licks an Ouya at the end, only to start gagging and having a bad reaction to its taste.
  • In "Dragon's Frown," Jim makes fun of the overreaction people had to the single bad review of Dragon's Crown, who said that the mediocre score ruined Dragon's Crown forever:
    Jim: *playing on his PS Vita* Boy howdy, I sure am enjoying playing Dragon's Crown for a bit. I don't think anybody could take away my enjoyment of this game. Unless...
    *images of the bad review in question, set to ominous music*
    Jim: *cut back to Jim, the Vita now replaced with a facehugger* AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH-
  • At the end of Time To Get Paid, Jim keeps his promise from last week's episode and plays with a Dragon dildo sent to him by a fan... to the tune of the DuckTales theme song no less. It... It really, really needs to be seen to be believed.
  • In the video version of Jim Sterling's game review of Beyond: Two Souls, every single scene with Willem Dafoe is replaced with clips of Willem Dafoe from his live-action movies. Both a riff on Willem as well as a silent riff on the fact that Beyond: Two Souls is more of an interactive movie than a game.
  • His summary of Walking Dead: Survival Instinct in his list of the worst games of 2013:
    Michael Rooker: "Merle and Daryl, in a game. What could be better than that?"
    Jim: "Apparently most things, Mr Rooker."
  • His youtube account is similarly full of parody. Sometimes he does satires of play guides. His "play guide" for Telltale's Wolf Among Us (an adventure title that is hard to screw up) consists mostly of Jim playing an entirely different game on his handheld with annoying whooshes and dings while the video screen just lingers on a shot of the main menu for Wolf Among Us.
  • At the start of the Irrational Decisions episode, he opens it by saying he had multiple oppurtunities to make fun of David Cage, but decided not to because he is a mature games journalist, then poses and smiles smugly. At the end of the episode, he puts on a David Cage mask and starts dancing around with the Penetrator flailing in his hand singing "EMOSHUNS EMOSHUNS EMOSHUNS" over and over again.
  • This, from "Too Cool To Be Cool":
    "Instead, [Duke Nukem] should be more ironic, like, I dunno, just pulling this at random, some fat blogger with an English whiny accent, dressed up in a trenchcoat with glasses like he's some sort of rock star, with a background that makes it look like he's on a bad production of V for Vendetta. You know, something so blindingly, obviously ironic that only a fucking idiot would take it as a genuine persona."
  • His deconstruction of the term "Social Justice Warrior", culminating in him saying he'd rather be a Social Justice Bard which quickly devolves into him rambling about his D&D character.
  • His video testing out the HD version of Fable is titled "The Eyeless Cenobites of Albion," because of the guards who have perpetually squinted-shut eyes.
  • A test play of a really bad Early Access game was met with a Youtube video of the creator angrily lashing back at Jim. Jim did his own commentary over THAT, calling it the "Inception Special," and couldn't stop giggling at "I'm Jim Fucking Sterling, son!"
    • It eventually became an Insult Backfire, as "I'm Jim Fucking Sterling, Son" was soon turned into one of Jim's Catch Phrases. It even got turned into a T-shirt.
  • The video of Grand Theft Australia, which starts out talking about Grand Theft Auto V's removal from Target and K-Mart in Australia, before devolving into Jim waffling about Captain Rainbow being only released in Japan.
  • The Amiibo episode opens with Jim struggling to put on his tie correctly, after several comments claimed that it was wrong. When we cut back to Jim at the end of the episode, he's got ties on his face and arms.
  • His Let's Play of Dark Shadows: Army of Evil. The leaden narration ("She's not just any woman — you are in love with her after all!"), the "tutorial", invisible items everywhere, the blood spatter which doesn't fade and continues to collect on the screen to just to mock Jim, the humans in monster "disguises"...the list goes on.
    "Giraffes. Giraffe topiary. Why not?"
  • In Guise of the Wolf, he is equal parts amused and annoyed at the game's lack of gravity when he's busy mauling people. He ponders what the alchemist ought to say. ('WTF YOU BLOODY IDIOT YOU TWAT")
  • During his test play of The Forgotten Ones, Jim finds a PewDiePie trading card (complete with the "Jabba the Hutt" fanmix) and is silent for an entire minute and doesn't mention it afterwards.

    ...Until his "Top Ten Shittiest Games of 2014" video, in which he declared that the offending segment was all he needed to say about it.
  • Skate Man Intense Rescue. Jim's reaction to it must be seen to be believed. It also broke Total Biscuit in the comments.
    • His reaction to the completely nonsensical rant Skate Man's developer, Digpex Games had. To elaborate, immediately after he's done reading, the video cuts to him and his podium, and he is utterly silent for a full 10 seconds, just trying to decipher what the hell he just read out loud.
  • His review of Bloodborne: "As strong as you get, you never know when you'll push open some doors to reveal a boss who's ready to make you shit your pants, and then make you eat the shit, because it's a Pants-Eating Shiteater Demon that wants you to eat shit while you're shitting shit into your own pants."
  • A meta example, but the publicists for The Witcher 3 sent Jim a package, as gaming publicists tend to do. Jim opened it up, to find that he'd been sent a copy of Farming Simulator 2015 .
    • One of the first responses to the Tweet? For him to review it as if it were The Witcher 3
  • Lately, at the beginning or end of some Jimquisitions he occasionally uses a clip from one of the latest Nintendo Directs where Bill Trinen says "Life's good when you're a Ninja Block."
  • "The Splatoon That Broke Amibo's Back" starts with Jim saying that this was going to be a positive episode in support of the Unity engine, but that will have to wait because "something else cheesed my onions this week and what you really want to hear is a privileged adult man whining about not being able to buy children's toys with all his money! So that's what we're going to do!"
  • His Squirty Play of The Alien Wasteland is utter hilarity from end to end due to the game's utter brokenness. It ends with him exploiting the glitch that made his weapons inaccessible on his first play attempt to finish the game in the second of nine intended waves.
  • His thoughts on the E3 2015 PC Gaming conference.
    The PC Gaming show happened! (loooong pause) And it was almost three hours fucking long.
  • Jim's "interview" with Digital Homicide, recorded as a special podcast, is something that must be heard to be believed. Unfortunately, most of the humor is of an unintentional variety, with Digital Homicide acting as the unwitting straight man in a comedy of errors.
    • Gets funnier in the next Jimquisition episode he posted after this, "Aliens: Colonial Marines - Game over, Randy!". In this interview, among other things, Robert (of Digital Homicide) insults Jim's immaturity, claiming that waiving around a three-foot dildo bat is offensive to women. In the next Jimquisition episode that went up after this interview, although Jim says nothing about the interview itself, he spends all of his talking-head bits waving around the Penetrator.
  • "The Mic Trick" calls out Ubisoft's immensely scripted multiplayer demos with "players" talking like they're actually coordinated or adjusting the volume to sound like in-game audio. Jim reenacts a much more realistic online scenario, which includes a bratty teenager angry that he got a PS4 instead of an iPhone, another bratty teenager dropping f-bombs, and someone spamming Drops of Jupiter by Train.
  • Jim did a Squirty Play of A Mass of Dead and declared it to be boring. Two weeks later, he does a Squirty Play of the same game, believing it was a game he didn't cover yet. Jim is puzzled at how there's already save data for the game and it's only when he starts to play the game that he realizes he covered the game previously. He excuses his flub up by saying that all the crappy zombie games he's been playing are that forgettable because of how samey they all look and feel.
  • Jim's squirty plays always begin with "Hello you [adjective] [noun]!" with said adjective and noun being something gross, offensive, or both. In Jim's early access squirt of Better Late than Dead, he winds up laughing at his own opening when he normally doesn't laugh at them and then explains how the image of what he just said was too funny to not laugh at.
    Jim: Hello you sentient silently screaming fuckrags! *Beat, followed by snickering* Sorry, I normally don't laugh at my own intros.
  • "Enjoy this show, and let's do a smile near your face!"
  • As he is playing Jotun, he has this reaction : "Fucking hell, it's me."
  • "Enjoy the Silence, Feel the Noise" begins and ends with a SAW parody. The ending one doubles up on the funny by giving a Jigsaw like speech while holding Miniature Fantasy Willem Dafoe up close to the Camera.
    • This "Jimsaw" saga persisted throughout October, with it finally coming together in the skits in the Halloween episode "The Golden Sins Of Horror Games." He traps someone he thinks is Philip Spengler in a death trap meant to drown him in Mountain Dew, with the key being located on the other side of a floor covered in Doritos. As it turns out, the whole thing was orchestrated by Cliff Bleszinski, who resented Jim for giving Gears of War 3 an 8 out of 10. As a result, Jim is trapped in Bleszinski's garage in a scene that would please any Saw fan.
    • Cliffy B's Evil Laugh is also amazing.
  • Similar to the laughing fit he had in his squirty play of Better Late than Dead, Jim plays Call of Duty: Black Ops III and notes the guy in main menu has some cool armor, but Jim himself can't wear it because he's too fat. Jim then bursts out laughing at his own statement.
  • In his squirty play of GASP, after over six minutes of completely uneventful travel time, Jim finds a box on the ground.
    Jim: Ah, here we go, content!
    Jim tries to interact with the box,to no avail.
    Jim: C... con... content...
    Jim: *jumps* Conteeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnt...
    Jim: C... c... content? *mumbles weakly* content...
    • Towards the end, Jim then starts doing the video as a few NASA Video Reports. Eventually however, Jim grows so bored he ends up playing with his 3DS instead.
  • During Jim's Squirty Play of Genesis Online, he starts working on a house while absentmindedly discussing recent events with threats from indie developers. As he talks, he gets carried away and starts tilling the soil all around his house. He tills about half of the grass on the map before he realizes what he's been doing.
    Jim: ...Speaking of shit! I mean what the fuck did...what did I just do here?! What was this?
  • Jim's Squirty Play on Morphine truly must be seen to be believed.
  • In "The Multiplayer-Only Problem", Jim rounds out the episode with some #FucKonami News concerning Hideo Kojima not being allowed to collect an award for Metal Gear Solid V. After having some choice words for Konami, Jim ends the episode... with a remix of the Game Awards crowd booing set to Megalovania.
  • His Early Access Squirt for MadOut Open City. All three minutes of it, as Jim gets his car stuck on a fence about a minute and 30 seconds in, and it just stays there.
  • For his "Worst Games of 2015", Jim randomly dresses up as Skeletor to announce his worst games. In the comments, he lampshades that he's a little larger than Skeletor and says "Yes, I'm aware Skeletor let himself go".
  • Jim reads the description page for Digital Homicide's latest game, "AZZHOLES."
    Jim: "'use your size to your advantage and devour smaller a%@holes note  to get even bigger' - that sounds a lot like me."
    • At the beginning of the video, Jim doesn't miss a beat in snarking it up.
    *introductory jingle, followed by a fart* "Excellent."
  • On the episode "VR Troopers," Jim delivers the opening monologue with a VR headset on... that is audibly playing porn. Of course, he delivers the entire monologue deadpan, without ever mentioning the moaning noises coming from his headset.
  • Near the end of his Squirty Play of Autobahn Polizei, he ends up sending his car flying off of the street. He then heads for the city in the background...only to send his car falling out of the map.
    Jim: This is the Autobahn!
  • At the end of a Live Squirt for Five Nights at Freddy's World, Jim...has a bit of a breakdown.
  • Jim's early access squirt of Dungeons of Kragmore has him playing a game that is not only made by Digital Homicide, but he actually fights Robert in the game itself and promptly gets his ass kicked by him. Jim takes it in stride and has a laugh at it for the revenge Robert got on him.
  • When Jim first jumps into Warhammer 40,000: Eternal Crusade, he gets fatally wounded, and notices a few enemy marines traipsing towards him:
    Jim: Help! Help, I got shot! Oh, no! No, no! Get away! Oh, god, no, that's my chest! And my bollocks! I keep all my organs in there! God damn it...
  • Jim's watching the Steam Greenlight trailer for "Rock Paper Scissors Champion", in particular the 'theme song'.
    Jim: So yeah, it goes on like this. It's... not really in tune, is it?
  • In "Unversal Windows Crap", he has his new head researcher Chip on board in response to his mistake on The Witness costing $40 and not $20, saying it was his fault he made that mistake.
    Jim: While I take full responsibility for everything that happened in the last episode, really that falls on the research department. Doesn't it Chip.
    Chip: (about to talk)
    Jim: SHUT UP CHIP! As I said I'm going to take full accountability for this rookie school boy idiot's error, and this will be fixed with staff discipline and butt education. Role the fucking tape.
  • Jim teaching Chip how to be a master of Dark Souls in the beginning of Prepare to Die.
  • Normally, when a YouTube video gets a copyright claim from the Content ID system, the claimant gets to either claim all ad revenue on the video, or disable ads entirely. By sheer coincidence, though, Jim noticed that, if you have competing copyright claims on a single video from multiple companies, they're likely to jam themselves up so no one gets any cash. Jim calls this the "Copyright Deadlock," and explained that the Content ID system made it so that it was actually better to infringe as many copyrights as possible than to try adhering to the bounds of the law.
    Jim: Basically, what I'm trying to say, YouTube, is that it's your fault that Gina G is about to happen. *cue Ooh Aah (Just A Little Bit)*
    • On the subject of copyright episodes, Jim likes to demonstrate just how much utter contempt he has for copyright by having extended clips of himself dancing to "Chains of Love" by Erasure.
  • "Modern Warfare Rebastard" opens with Jim on the phone to the person who created his spiffy new opening and closing credits. He tells them that people thought the flip animation at the end of the openingnote  was 'cheap', and thus needs changing. Cue the opening credits, the flip transition is replaced with an agonisingly slow, multi-stage 'zoom' animation with desert wind cutting out the music until it's done.