Characters: Family Guy The Neighbors

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    Glenn Quagmire 
Giggity, giggity!

An extreme sex-addicted, perverted neighbor and formerly U.S. Navy ensign that flirts with every hot woman (even teens) in rather disturbing ways. Voiced by Seth MacFarlane.

  • Ace Pilot: Can fly anything. From as old Japanese Zero, a Cessna and a passenger jet.
  • Acquired Poison Immunity:
    • He's been maced/pepper sprayed so many times he's developed an immunity.
    • A Halloween Episode also revealed that he has already contracted, and subsequently become immune to, every known venereal disease. It takes Peter finding one that hasn't been discovered yet in order to finally infect him.
  • Affably Evil / Faux Affably Evil: Make no mistake, Glenn can be a pretty nice guy but the fact that he's able to have a (mostly) stable personality around so many people, even as he commits rape makes him even more disturbing. Not to mention how in the past he casually hinted he wanted to rape Lois.
  • All Men Are Perverts
  • Antagonist in Mourning: Subverted. He attends Brian's funeral, but is shown watching a baseball game on his cellphone out of boredom.
  • Anything That Moves: Well, anything female. He's even hit on Meg with the line "Hey Meg, 18 yet?"
    • Lampshaded by himself when he was about to have sex with the corpse of a hooker Stewie sniped only to stop and ask himself if he actually was mentally ill.
    • And even then, it doesn't even have to move.
    • In "Jerome is the New Black," Quagmire reveals that his sex addiction was the result of his true love — Cheryl Tiegs — breaking up with him. See Cerebus Retcon below.
    • He's not opposed to having sex with male-to-female transgender people.
    Quagmire: Whoa, transvestite! Back off! Wait, pre-op or post-op?
    Transvestite: Pre-op.
    Quagmire: Whoa, Transvestite! Back off!
    • In "Family Gay" he does take Peter up on his offer of sex but only if they do it "his way."
  • At Least I Admit It: Quagmire could be seen as a Deconstruction of this trope. He believes himself better than Brian because he admits to his vices but not only does he commit worse offenses than Brian has he also lacks any of the emotional baggage that affects Brian, often doing such things out of sheer callousness. Rather than giving himself a moral high ground through his honesty about his actions, he comes across as above judgement because of it.
  • Berserk Button: In most post-cancellation seasons, Brian's existence is this to him.
  • Bestiality Is Depraved
    • Possibly, due to this line spoken while discussing jury duty:
    Quagmire: Yeah, that's what separates us from the monkeys. That and the armed guards at the zoo. Man, they got some sexy monkeys down there.
    • He's done it with a giraffe, too.
      • And a turtle.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: He has an incredibly vicious side to his normally hyperactive personality, as Brian and Jeff learned this the very hard way. Jeff at the very least actually deserved it!
  • Big Brother Instinct: In, "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q", he did not take his sister's abuse from her boyfriend Jeff very well.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: He acts very friendly and funny, but in reality he's a dangerous rapist.
  • Black Comedy Rape: "Roofie Coladas" are apparently a staple drink he buys women.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: He's a pretty competent pilot and he does take his job seriously.
  • Car Fu: He rammed his sister's abusive boyfriend into a tree.
  • The Casanova: Does it really need to be said?
  • Catch Phrase: "Giggity-giggity-giggity-goo!"
    • "OH!"
      • "Heh-heh...aaaall riiiight."
  • Cerebus Retcon: Season 8's "Jerome is the New Black" revealed the reason why Quagmire is a sex maniac: His jealousy and possessiveness drove away the one woman he truly loved — Cheryl Tiegs — and now he aimlessly has sex to fill the void she left behind. It's actually not all that surprising when you look back on three previous episodes: "Emission Impossible" (Quagmire has a Cheryl Tiegs poster on the door of his refrigerator), "Barely Legal" (Quagmire gives Meg his favorite book, "The Missing Piece" by Shel Silverstein, stating that he reads it whenever he feels like he's missing that one piece in his life that made him whole) and "Perfect Castaway" (where he mentions that if he was blind, "every woman he did would be Cheryl Tiegs").
  • Chivalrous Pervert: Averted. More of a dangerous pervert due to his questionable methods of seducing women (though he refuses to have sex with Meg until she turns 18, and immediately went flaccid when he tried to have sex with Lois while Peter had amnesia and ironically was becoming more like Quagmire as a result, and Lois said she trusted Quagmire as seen on "Big Man on Hippocampus"). It's been toned down though, as the show staff have opted to make him more of a Jerk with a Heart of Gold.
  • Corrupt the Cutie: Okay, he was pretty damn corrupt to begin with, though was notably the most laid back and happy-go-lucky of Peter and his friends. His role as a Self-Deprecation avatar however has gradually evolved him into a much more cynical character (he has gained an outright Hair-Trigger Temper around Brian).
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass
  • Deadpan Snarker: He eventually starts acting like this on occasion, especially when provoked by Peter's antics.
  • Depending on the Writer: The writers can't seem to make up their minds on whether Quagmire is a Lovable Sex Maniac with a heart of gold or a near-rapist.
  • Dirty Old Man: Considering that he's really 61, he can be easily depicted as this.
  • Disco Dan: The interior of his house has the look of the 60's or 70's.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Beats Brian to near death for unknowingly sleeping with his now-transgender dad, and shoots Peter in the head after the latter accidentally shoots his arm, destroying part of his brain. Whether or not Quagmire meant to shoot Peter in the arm, his lack of shock speaks volumes.
  • Easily Forgiven: Both Peter and Cleveland are still friends with Quagmire despite the sexual affairs he has had with their wives. Not to mention the stuff he's dished out on Brian. Who knows if Quagmire's been arrested by Joe for any of his actions?
  • Everyone Has Standards: He won't take advantage of Meg when she is extremely vulnerable.
  • Extreme Omnisexual
  • Flanderization: Ever since Season 9 or so, he's been reduced to a selfish, non-empathetic, annoying sex maniac who despises Brian over petty reasons.
  • Formerly Fat: According to Brian at least.
  • Four-Temperament Ensemble: The Sanguine.
  • Friend to All Children: One of his redeeming traits is that he's a good uncle to his terminally ill niece and seems to have a soft spot for young people in general besides this, even Meg.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: In the Halloween episode, when he tricked Peter and Joe into thinking he was possessed by his kamikaze pilot ancestors.
  • Hairstyle Malfunction: Revealed to wear a toupee in "Old Man and the Big 'C'," but it gets fixed by him getting a hair transplant.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: Seems to have developed this around Brian, who constantly manages to inadvertently offend or infuriate him immensely, often leading to a rather vicious verbal (and sometimes physical) beatdown by Quagmire. Ironically, on the odd occasions when Brian genuinely lashes out at him, he is more passive-aggressive.
  • The Hedonist
  • He Who Fights Monsters: His established hatred for Brian has led to Quagmire developing increased aggressive and occasionally outright violent tendencies over petty (and often inadvertant) offenses from the latter, as well as a similar bouts of snobbish preachiness as his nemesis.
  • Hypocrite: Calls Brian out for hitting on Lois, when he has done the same to and equal if not higher degree.
    • He also uses the line "How's that son of yours you never see?" in referencing Brian's failure as a father. Quagmire himself encountered several children that resembled him in "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing" and promptly ran away. He also gave his daughter up for adoption in the episode right before "Jerome is the New Black" while Brian saw his son on-screen again in "Brian's a Bad Father".
  • The Jailbait Wait: While Quagmire has had sex with underage girls as young as twelve, he's apparently willing to wait for Meg. More than almost anyone else on the show, he also seems to genuinely care for her, much more so than her own family, everyone else in Quahog, and the universe at large.
  • Jerkass: Formely and at times.
    • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He kinda becomes one as the show moves on. He grew attached to his illegitimate daughter, and, during his infamous rant against Brian, revealed that he works at a soup kitchen to help the homeless. He also gave said daughter up when he realized she would be happy, and he expressed disapproval when Peter pretended to be crippled (in the 'Star Wars'' special).
  • Karma Houdini: In "Quagmire's Mom" he gets away with having sex with an underage girl and having to spend 20 years in jail because his mother had sex with the judge in order to save him.
    • Do note that legally he would not be at fault. If any of the characters had common sense they would've gotten people from the party to testify that the girl was in a party composed entirely of adults, but she was drinking. In real life this can keep the supposed rapist from serving time in jail simply because he had no way of knowing she was underage and the supposed victim was the one at fault.
  • Kavorka Man: To the extreme.
  • Knight Templar Big Brother: Murdered his sister's abusive boyfriend.
  • Ladykiller in Love: With Joan and Cheryl Tiegs.
  • Large Ham
  • Last Name Basis: The only one who actually calls him "Glenn" is Lois.
  • Lovable Sex Maniac: When he's not being the Kavorka Man
  • Morality Pet: Meg seems to be the only one to bring out his somewhat noble aspects. There's also his sister Brenda.
  • Never My Fault: Quagmire tries to blame his mother for him being the womanizer he is. Brian calls him out on it though.
  • No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: See Roaring Rampage of Revenge below.
  • No Sympathy: During Brian's funeral, he spends it watching a Red Sox game on his cellphone.
  • Not So Different: Pointed out in "Tiegs For Two" regarding Brian. When he reaches similar petty lengths to spite Brian, even using his old girlfriend to get back at him, the girls complain about using them and acting like children. Quagmire gets on a pedestal and gloats to Brian about this before they point out they were referring to both of them.
  • Older Than They Look: Quagmire is in fact 61 years old, though he appears to be the same age as Peter, Joe, and Cleveland.
    • Which leads to a bit of Fridge Horror when you remember that he was at Peter's prom, considering he's 20 years older than Peter and Lois.
  • Parental Incest: Wants to have sex with his daughter, and has sex with his mother.
  • Papa Wolf: He does genuinely care for his sister Brenda's well being, and is willing to even murder her fiancee if it at least stops said fiancee from harming her permanently. Not that said fiancee didn't deserve it.
    • Also barely contains his fury at Brian for accidentally mistaking his niece for a boy, as she lost all her hair through chemotherapy. One gets the impression that if it wasn't Christmas and they were in line to see Santa, Quagmire would have beaten the living daylights out of Brian.
  • The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Quagmire's a pilot, a fact only occasionally brought up in the later half of the series.
  • Really Gets Around: Definately! This tripe should be called "The Quagmire!"
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: In the episode "Jerome is the New Black," Quagmire gives a spectacular one to Brian, who has spent the entire episode trying to be his friend. It helps that the points he makes are quite valid as they were based on complaints viewers had been making about Brian for a good while. However this also had the effect of making Brian look more sympathetic, especially considering later episodes.
    Quagmire: OK. I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife, the man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death, and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing — you're always like "Ooh, I'll get you later," but later never comes. And what really bothers me, is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, but all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of The Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some 7th Grade interpretation about Holden Caulfield is some profound intellectual, he wasn't. He was a SPOILED BRAT. And that's why you like him so much — he's YOU. GOD, you're pretentious. (brimming with indignation) And you delude yourself by thinking you're a great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note... She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite." And what I think I hate most about you, is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "Legalize Pot, maaan..." How big business is crushing the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America... Well what have YOU done to help?! I work down at the Soup Kitchen, Brian... Never seen YOU down there... You wanna help? GRAB A LADLE. And by the way, driving a Prius does not make you Jesus Christ. Oh, WAIT — you don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter... Because "religion is for idiots." Well who the HELL are YOU to talk down to anyone?! You failed college TWICE, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father — how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that...all of it...if you weren't such a BORE. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic BORE. Sigh... Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.
    • Both he and Brian have hand something of Escalating The Reason You Suck Speeches onto each other in "Tiegs for Two". After Brian labels him half polish, they instead decide to just kick each other's asses.
  • Refuge in Audacity: Many of his rants (see Self-Deprecation and "The Reason You Suck" Speech). In addition to the other examples under this character sheet, Quagmire has complained about never being given his own spinoff unlike Cleveland, to which Peter in response lampshades that Quagmire is a convicted rapist.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The Red Oni to Brian and Cleveland's Blue Oni.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: When he aggressively beats the living daylights out of Brian:
    Quagmire: "If I ever see you anywhere near my house, I'll BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF!!! NOW LAY THERE AND DIE, YA PIECE OF CRAP!!!"
  • Running Gagged: Quagmire's hatred of Brian between the eighth and ninth seasons, with Brian frequently Triggering Quagmire's wrath by inadvertantly offending him somehow. This gag last appeared a heated fight in "Tiegs For Two" with only much more subdued disagreements between them since.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: "Giggity-giggity-giggity-gone!"
  • Serial Rapist: What he does for a living.
  • Series Continuity Error: Quagmire is shocked to find that he has an infant daughter, yet "Peter's Got Woods" revealed that Quagmire actually knows he has illegitimate children somewhere in the world (including a 20-year-old Spanish man who lives with his mom, a kindergarten class with children that are biologically his, and twin strippers best descibed as "Quagmire after a sex change operation"). Then again, he could have been shocked that someone actually stuck him with the kid rather than care for it herself.
  • Self-Deprecation: Later in the show, he starts voicing multiple critisms from fans, including jibes at Peter's Jerk Ass antics, darkly offensive humor and the excessive use of Conway Twitty. Nearly everything Brian says or does around him manages to piss him off. Arguably also played for irony, since the person chosen to voice against such standards is, well, Quagmire.
  • Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Has definitely become this against Brian. Originally a one-sided animosity early on against him, Brian has gradually given more retaliation to Quagmire's bitterness towards him, reaching to the point of a rather even handedly vicious Escalating War in "Tiegs For Two" where it had died down, until it re-exploded full circle in "Brian the Closer".
  • Stalker with a Crush: He may go after any attractive woman that catches his eye, but several episodes show that he has a unhealthy obsession with Lois.
  • Took a Level in Badass: When he took on his sister's abusive boyfriend in "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q", and rammed him into a tree with his car!
  • Unsportsmanlike Gloating: Glen is.....intense when it comes to sports. Bowling and golf have shown to bring out the worst in him.
  • Unstoppable Rage: He was not pleased when Brian slept with his Transsexual dad.
  • You Are What You Hate: See Hypocrite and He Who Fights Monsters.

    Cleveland Brown 

A caving guy that talks slow due to a head trauma. Is now divorced from his wife for being too nice, and, for a while, moved to his hometown of Stoolbend, Virginia after marrying his high school crush. Voiced by Mike Henry.

    Loretta Brown 

Cleveland's ex-wife who left him after he discovered she had an affair with Quagmire. Voiced by Alex Borstein.

    Joe Swanson 

A paraplegic cop that lost the ability to walk after falling off of an orphanage roof during a pursuit. Has a wife, Bonnie, who was pregnant for almost ten years. Voiced by Patrick Warburton.

  • Ax-Crazy: Downplayed Trope, but present. In one case, when he couldn't finish a steak, he lost his temper, shot the steak and nearly shot his friends in an Unstoppable Rage.
  • The Artifact: The 9th season premiere is the first time in years we've seen him actually do cop stuff. For the most part it's been dropped in favor of him being the Angry Wheelchair Dude.
  • Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Crippletron.
  • Badass
  • Beware the Nice Ones
  • Butt Monkey
  • Berserk Button: He really doesn't like being reminded of the limitations imposed on him by his disability.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Was able to beat up Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire at the same time when he wasn't crippled.
  • Depending on the Writer: Whether he can get an erection.
    • In some episodes he's "a cop first and a buddy second" and will bust his friends without hesitation. In others he'll look the other way to their various felonies or even join in himself.
  • Dirty Cop: Numerous examples.
    • Almost always allows his close friends � namely, Peter and Quagmire � to get away with everything, from abuse to pedophilia and beyond.
    • Seems to be aware of the rampant racism on the police force and not be especially bothered by it, even despite having a black man as a close friend.
    • Went along with Peter's idea to help Quagmire get his job back - namely, drug the pilots mid-flight so that Quagmire can save the plane when it starts to crash (Peter, and presumably Joe and Cleveland, spent time in a federal prison for hijacking for that one).
    • When he, Brian and Peter got annoyed with Quagmire's new pet cat, it was Joe who recommended breaking into Quagmire's house and shaving the cat - Peter accidentally skinned it instead, and Joe let them all get away with it.
    • Their arson of Goldman's Pharmacy (to help Mort Goldman collect an insurance settlement).
    • He also conspired to aid Quagmire in murdering his sister's abusive boyfriend, then covered it up. To be fair, the guy had it coming.
  • Even the Guys Want Him
  • Four-Temperament Ensemble: The Melancholic and the Choleric.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: Since the show was uncancelled.
  • Handicapped Badass: In "Da Boom" he was partially vaporized leaving him stuck on his driveway unable to move around. A giant mutated rat comes along his response "bring it on!"
  • Heel-Face Revolving Door: In Family Guy Back To The Multiverse, sorta. He can be used and bought by Stewie or Brian at anytime, but is a boss in the Handicapped Level, and continues to be with Stewie and Brian upon being defeated.
  • Hot-Blooded
  • Humongous Mecha/Combining Mecha: Again, Crippletron, where Joe along with dozens of people in wheelchairs form up into what's essentially a giant robot that only Joe himself can control. Never appeared since... until till the multiverse game.
  • Hypocrite: He often behaves like a Dirty Cop (see above), but he has the nerve to call out a Corrupt Hick sherriff for his bad behavior. Granted, he's not wrong, but it still smacks of Moral Myopia.
  • Inspirationally Disadvantaged
  • Jerkass Ball: In later seasons of the show.
  • Lantern Jaw of Justice
  • Large Ham: The sexual thrill, THE SEXUAL THRILL!!
  • Nice Guy
  • No Indoor Voice: Like you wouldn't believe.
  • Only Sane Man: Occasionally.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: He's the Red to Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire's Blue Onis, think about that for a second.
  • Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right: As an officer of the law, he's initially against Quagmire's plan to kill his sister's abusive boyfriend. But after seeing for himself what a monster the guy is, his immediate response is, "...Let's waste this dick."
    • In the Season 10 episode "Thanksgiving", we learn that several years ago, Joe let a thief go when it turned out the man was homeless and had stolen food in order to feed his family.
  • See You in Hell: The Grinch says this, tossing a roller skate at Joe. Joe slips on the roller skate and falls off a roof, becoming paralyzed.
  • Testosterone Poisoning
  • Took a Level in Jerkass: In "Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air," when he gets a new set of legs. He starts acting like a douche to his friends and it only took Bonnie to attempt to shoot him to re-cripple him.
  • Would Hit a Girl: In the episode "Breaking Out Is Hard To Do," Joe punches Lois many times after he catches and arrests her for stealing, explaining that as a policeman he's not allowed to give women special treatment. She's very understanding of the whole situation.

    Bonnie Swanson 

Joe's wife. Was pregnant for almost ten years. Later gave birth in Series 7. Voiced by Jennifer Tilly.

  • Absurdly Youthful Mother: Doesn't look much older than her now-adult son Kevin.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: In one episode, she was gonna leave Joe and have an affair with a Frenchman, because she was "bored of Joe". A handicapped Frenchman at that. Joe convinced her to stay.
    • It goes even further than that. In "Go Stewie Go" she openly admitted to Lois that she had an affair and claimed it was "healthy for a woman to explore her sexuality", so this means she has cheated on Joe at least once before and attempted to do it again in Paris, but was only stopped that time because Joe showed up. However, in the latest episode, "Internal Affairs," Bonnie had been acting distant with Joe, leading him to cheat on her with a younger police officer. Upon finding out, she acted as if it was the worst attack on her and treated it as unforgivableuntil the end of the episode.
    • However, Joe did call Bonnie out on how she's become emotionally distant and bitter and cited the Paris incident as to one of the reasons why he did what he did, and rather than shift blame solely on of them, "Internal Affairs" showed that both of them have been unhappy for a long time and it's just gotten worse.
  • Flanderization: Joe and Bonnie were originally madly in love, with Bonnie always thinking about how Joe's rugged enthusiasm and perseverance turned her on. Then as Joe slowly became shifted into a mostly one-dimensional cripple joke, Bonnie shifted into a long suffering, unhappy woman due to Joe's inability to walk with her bitchiness the result of how worn out she was. It's made even worse in "The Most Interesting Man in the World" and "Brian the Closer" where both episodes feature scenes which imply that she'd go as far as wanting Joe dead.
  • Happily Married: Originally. The two of them rarely had any arguments in the pre-cancellation seasons.
  • Longest Pregnancy Ever: Finally resolved in Season 7. It's even lampshaded on more than a few occasions. Case in point:
    Bonnie: I don't want to bring a new baby into the world with [Glenn Quagmire] running around!
    Peter: Okay, first off, Bonnie, you've been pregnant for, what, six years? Either have the baby or don't!

    Kevin Swanson 

Bonnie and Joe's teenage son. Never did much of anything. Eventually presumed dead in Iraq, but returned alive and now lives with his parents again.

  • Flat Character: Doubly. First he was just Mini-Joe. Now he's just a running joke about being a crazy war vet.