"Didn't they teach you anything in that crazy journalism school - always plan for a sequel. Until then...good fight, good night."
—The Killer
The fifth episode of the second season of Celebrity Deathmatch, also known as The Unknown Murderer.
This episode consists of two pre-determined fights, and one re-telling of a story that turns into a fight. The show opens to a heavily-improvised narrative of the Exodus featuring Moses fighting Ramses II. The first actual undercard fight features a live interactive call-in while Geraldo Rivera and Creator/Larry King battle to the death. The main event features scream queens Neve Campbell and Sarah Michelle Gellar vying to be Final Girl.
This episode contains examples of:
- Abandoned Mascot: Johnny introduces a giant platypus names Slappy as a mascot for the show in this episode. It is never seen or heard from again.
- An Arm and a Leg: When Gerlado pulls on one of Larry's suspenders far enough and releases it, it snaps back with enough force to completely sever his left arm.
- Ancient Egypt: Naturally, the setting for the fight between Moses and Ramses II.
- Attack Backfire: Moses uses the power of God to split Ramses vertically in half. Not only does this not kill him, but both halves are fully sentient and team up against Moses.
- Blade Lock: Or, rather, staff lock - Moses and Ramses start off their fight in this manner, with Moses demanding that Ramses release his people.
- Calling the Old Man Out: Nicky Jr. has clearly been told one too many times by Nick that his Missing Mom is at the grocery store.
- The Cameo: This episode features appearances from Drew Barrymore, Harrison Ford, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Lee Curtis.
- The Commandments: Moses utilizes the slabs that the Ten Commandments are written on, as weapons to fight off Ramses' guards.
- Died in Your Arms Tonight: Harrison Ford comforts Moses, who asks Harrison to lead his people out of Egypt in his place, before dying from his gaping chest wound.
- Enemy Mine: After the identity of the serial killer is allegedly revealed, both Neve and Sarah team up to subdue the perpetrator.
- Frame-Up: After Slappy the platypus is accused of being the serial killer running loose in the arena, the real killer calls the booth at the end of the episode and reveals that he simply planted the phone on the platypus.
- God: Appears (in the sky as The Voice only) as guest referee overseeing the fight between Moses and Ramses.
- Half the Man He Used to Be: In a fashion; similar to the parting of the Red Sea, Moses calls upon the might of God to split Ramses in half from head to toe.
- Harassing Phone Call: How the serial killer communicates with Johnny and Nick throughout the episode.
- Head Crushing: How Drew is murdered, according to Stacy.
- The Immune: Moses tries to afflict Ramses with a plague of chicken pox, however Ramses remarks that he contracted it when he was a kid and subsequently immune to it.
- Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Both halves of Ramses drop a model pyramid, upside down, onto Moses' chest, causing him to get impaled.
- Improvised Weapon: When Sarah pulls a stake from her pocket, Neve counters by attacking her with a raw steak.
- Killed Offscreen: Both Jamie Lee Curtis and Jennifer Love Hewitt are murdered by the unseen serial killer, the former during the fight between King and Rivera, and the latter presumably sometime before.
- Let's You and Him Fight: Ramses sets two of his personal guards on Moses at one point.
- Lights Off, Somebody Dies: While Stacy is interviewing Drew Barrymore, the lights in the hallway switch off suddenly. The sounds of screaming can be heard before the lights come back on, only for Stacy to find Drew's corpse laying at her feet.
- LOL, 69: After Nick dismissively hangs up on the killer, Johnny suggests that he "*69 him" to trace the the killer's call.
- Missing Mom: No explanation is given as to why Nick's (ex-)wife and Nicky Jr.'s mom is absent from their life.
- Nepharious Pharaoh: Ramses II, of course.
- No One Should Survive That!: Moses calls this into question after literally splitting Ramses in half, only for the fight to become a two-on-one in Ramses' favor.
- Noodle Incident: When Nicky Jr. asks Nick to read him a bedtime story, Nick offers to tell him about "the time Diane Sawyer pounded a railroad spike through Barbara Walters' knee."
- Ominously Open Door: Played with. After discovering the corpse of Jennifer Love Hewitt, Geraldo notices a darkened room across the hallway with a door that's slightly ajar, prompting him to investigate.
- Oh, Crap!: Basically Moses after he learns that God has permitted the two-on-one in Ramses' favor.
- Parent Never Came Back from the Store: Nick is late getting to the arena because his son, Nicky Jr., is demanding that he wants his Missing Mom. When Nick explains that she's just at the store, Nicky Jr. comments that she's been at the store for three years.
- Peek-a-Boo Corpse: After winning his fight, Geraldo does a special live report into the killings of various scream queens during the episode. His investigation leads him backstage where he is informed that Jennifer Love Hewitt went to use the bathroom but never returned. Geraldo then opens a closet door, only for Jennifer's corpse to fall out.
- Porn Stash: After following a trail that he believes belongs to the serial killer, Geraldo actually ends up discovering Nick's office, containing piles of indecent magazines and images.
- Prank Call: While the majority of the calls are from real (in-universe) viewers, Nick manages to insert a prank call at the expense of Geraldo.
- Shout-Out: The models of Moses and Ramses are taken from The Ten Commandments film's interpretation of the respective characters.
- Slave Liberation: Despite Nick being an extremely Unreliable Narrator, his version of events does eventually include this conclusion...except it's Harrison Ford who leads the slaves out of Egypt instead of Moses.
- Solar-Powered Magnifying Glass: Larry receives a call from a viewer who asks him to use his glasses to focus a spotlight's beam that subsequently burns a hole through Geraldo's hand.
- Spectator Casualty: Jamie Lee Curtis is killed at some point during the fight between Geraldo and Larry, but no one actually notices this until the killer calls Geraldo and tells him to look at the front row.
- Squashed Flat: At the request of a caller, Geraldo ends up winning the fight by crushing Larry beneath a wooden desk.
- Unreliable Narrator: When Nicky Jr. asks Nick to read him a "Bible story" at bedtime, Nick proceeds to tell him a horribly reimaged version of the story of Moses leading the slaves from Egypt.
- Visual Pun: When Sarah threatens to stake Neve through the heart, Neve remarks that she too knows how to fight...with a steak.
- The Voice:
- The serial killer is only heard on the phone throughout the episode when speaking to Johnny, Geraldo, and Nick.
- Also God, serving as the guest referee in the re-telling of the Exodus as a fight to the death between Moses and Ramses II.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: Ramses II.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Following this episode, it's never revealed what happens to Slappy the Platypus.
- Whole-Plot Reference: Basically this episode is a nod to Scream.
- A Wizard Did It: When challenged by his son about the ending of his version of the Exodus, Nick says that Harrison Ford led the Jewish people in place of Moses.
