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Quotes / Not That Kind of Doctor

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    Comic Books 
Henry Pym: What are you implying, you little witch? That I couldn't come up with that formula on my own?
Janet Van Dyne: Oh, you're such the polymath, aren't you? It's not enough that you're the cybertronics expert, but you have to be the world authority on super-genetics too, now, right? Well, let's see how many super soldiers you create which don't involve getting big, getting small or telling ants what to do through a helmet, jackass! Bruce Banner was twice the geneman you'll ever be and you know it, mister!

    Fan Works 
"Let me guess: you're a doctor, not a doctor?"
Captain Janeway to Dr. Zimmerman, Rocketship Voyager
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    Film — Animation 
Jim: Well, you've gotta help her!
Doppler: Dangit, Jim, I'm an astronomer, not a doctor! I mean, I am a doctor, but not that kind of doctor, I have a doctorate, it's not the same thing, you can't help people with a doctorate. You just sit there and you're useless!

    Film — Live-Action 
Buck Laughlin: Well, we're here with Dr. Theodore Millbank, President of the Mayflower Kennel Club, and Doctor, let me ask you something: I've got a little bursitis in my shoulder. Do you recommend heat or cold?
Dr. Millbank: I'm not that kind of doctor.
Buck Laughlin: [chuckling] I know that. [to the camera] I'm just kidding the doctor. He's not that kind of doctor, but he's got such a good sense of humor we like to have a few laughs.

Karim: Who are you?
Dr. Fate: Call me Dr. Fate.
Karim: [has been shot and is bleeding out] How bad is it, Doc? Am I dying?
Dr. Fate: I'm not that kind of doctor.

Thor: Here! Take the wheel!
Bruce Banner: No! I don't know how to fly one one of these!
Thor: You're a scientist. Use one of your Ph.Ds!
Bruce: None of them are for flying alien spaceships!

    Literature 
"After I got my Ph.D., my mother took great relish in introducing me as, 'This is my son, he's a doctor but not the kind that helps people.'"
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Do you feel that people who insist upon referring to themselves as "doctor" simply because they hold Ph.D. degrees, which are about as rare as air molecules, tend to be self-important weenies?
Dave Barry Slept Here, Chapter Four, Discussion Question 3

"I do wish that you would all make a little more effort to recall that I may be called 'Doc' but that I know precious little about medicine. I am a doctor of science, and none of my science is of any avail here and now."
'Doc' Theophilus Algernon Tanner, Deathlands, "Ice and Fire"

    Live-Action TV 
"My colleague is a doctor of medicine. I am a Doctor of many things."
The Doctor, Doctor Who

Astrid: Oh, you're a doctor?
The Doctor: Well, not of any medical significance.
Astrid: Doctor of law? Philosophy?
The Doctor: Which law? Whose philosophy?

Rita: What exactly happened to him?
The Doctor: He died.
Rita: You are a medical doctor, aren't you? You haven't just got a degree in, I don't know, cheese-making or something.
The Doctor: No! Well, yes, both, actually.

The Doctor: You're a medic, I'm the Doctor.
Mabli: A doctor of medicine?
The Doctor: Well, medicine, science, engineering, candyfloss, Lego, philosophy, music, problems, people, hope. Mostly hope.

Aris Boch: Dr. Jackson, if you don't mind treating my wound.
Dr. Jackson: I'm an archaeologist.
Aris Boch: I know, but you're also a doctor.
Dr. Jackson: ...of archaeology.

Police Officer: I'm sorry Mister Cooper but...
Dr. Sheldon Cooper: Doctor Cooper.
Police Officer: [to Leonard] Seriously?
Dr. Leonard Hofstader: Not the kind with access to drugs.

Bobby Draper: [to Dr. Calvet] Do you give out a lot of shots?
Dr. Emil Calvet: Haha, I am not a medical doctor, I am a professor.
Don Draper: When you have a high degree in any field, they call you a doctor. It's from the Middle Ages.
Emil: That's right.
Mad Men, "At the Codfish Ball"

Amy: I thought you were a doctor?
Rachel: Ross actually has a PhD.
Amy: Ew.

Ross: [at a hospital] I'm Doctor Ross Geller.
Rachel: Ross, stop it. That actually means something here.

Rory: You can fix me!
Dr. Stein: Me?
Rory: You're a doctor.
Dr. Stein: Of nuclear physics.
[later]
Sara: What are you doing?
Dr. Stein: [about to cut open Rory's skull] Brain surgery! What does it look like?
[Sara and Jax shrug and leave]

Dale: You do realize we're not... doctors.
Stacey: Well, not surgeons.
Catherine: You went to medical school.
Stacey: Yeah, in the nineties.

Maze: How do I keep this human from dying?
Linda: Take him to a hospital, that's how! How many times do I have to tell you I'm not that kind of doctor?

    Video Games 
Dogen: What do you think's wrong with my brain, Doctor?
Dr. Loboto: How should I know? I'm a dentist.

"I'm a doctor, not the doctor."
Dr. Zev Cohen, Mass Effect

[Doctor Octopus crashes through the wall of the Daily Bugle newsroom]
J. Jonah Jameson: Doc Octopus? You're a real doctor, right? Cause I have a pain right here... down there... oh, and that bit over there, wow!
Doctor Octopus: Your cheap health plan doesn't cover office visits. [Marches through office, trashing tables as he goes, punches through the wall and climbs out]

"Not the healing kind of doctor."
— The Villain Vault description for Dr. Krankcase, Skylanders: Trap Team
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    Webcomics 
Dr. Schtein: Really? You're gonna go all med degree superiority on me right now? ...Besides, you're a dentist! You're slightly above a foot doctor on the scale of how much a doctorate impresses chicks. I'm a goddamn nuclear physicist.
Dr. Granger: Holy moley, so you're the guy who makes people call him 'Doctor' outside of professional settings, huh?

    Web Original 
"Oh hell, is that guy dead? Dammit, I'm a doctornote  not a... normal doctor!"

    Western Animation 
"I don't think he's the kind of doctor who'd say, 'Turn your head and cough!'"
Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man, on Doctor Doom

Dr. Burr: Give me room, I'm a doctor!
Alfred: Wait! Are you a medical doctor?
Dr. Burr: I am tonight.
Beware the Batman, "Safe"

Simpson Family: AAAAAH! Sideshow Bob!
Sideshow Bob: Doctor Sideshow Bob.
Homer: Real Doctor or PhD?
Sideshow Bob: [grumbles] PhD.


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