"I can see you're thinking this seems like totally irrational behavior," said X. She was pausing between each word in a stalling kind of way. "But I can quite easily put this whole matter to rest with the very simple and straightforward explanation for it."
The last ten words or so had taken close to half a minute. "Well?" said Angela.
"Honestly, it's hardly worth stating the explanation I'm about to give because you'll all realize how massively obvious it is when you think about it."
Angela banged her fist on the side of the fridge, frustrated. "How can you be a secret government agent when you're so bad at lying?!"
"I'm not a secret government agent," said X, lying badly.
The last ten words or so had taken close to half a minute. "Well?" said Angela.
"Honestly, it's hardly worth stating the explanation I'm about to give because you'll all realize how massively obvious it is when you think about it."
Angela banged her fist on the side of the fridge, frustrated. "How can you be a secret government agent when you're so bad at lying?!"
"I'm not a secret government agent," said X, lying badly.
— Jam
'Don't lie, dear. But if you must, do it with conviction.''
—Ruth, Doc Martin ("Dry Your Tears")
Yossarian pushed his hand away. "Give up, Milo. People can't eat cotton."
Milo's face narrowed cunningly. "It isn't really cotton," he coaxed. "I was joking. It's really cotton candy, delicious cotton candy. Try it and see."
"Now you're lying."
"I never lie!" Milo rejoindered with proud dignity.
"You're lying now."
"I only lie when it's necessary."
Milo's face narrowed cunningly. "It isn't really cotton," he coaxed. "I was joking. It's really cotton candy, delicious cotton candy. Try it and see."
"Now you're lying."
"I never lie!" Milo rejoindered with proud dignity.
"You're lying now."
"I only lie when it's necessary."
— Joseph Heller, Catch-22
Damien: ...You're horrible at lying.
Elliot: It's what I get for being the good guy.
Elliot: It's what I get for being the good guy.
Lee: (inspecting salt lick) What's this thing?
Duck: Daddy said it's called a salt lick.
Clementine: Yeah, but don't lick it. It's gross.
Lee: Did you lick it?
Clementine: .....I dunno.
Duck: Daddy said it's called a salt lick.
Clementine: Yeah, but don't lick it. It's gross.
Lee: Did you lick it?
Clementine: .....I dunno.
Algernon: (stammering) Bunbury doesn't live here. Bunbury is somewhere else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead.
Lady Bracknell: Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death must have been extremely sudden.
Algernon: (airily) Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.
Lady Bracknell: What did he die of?
Algernon: Bunbury? Oh, he was quite exploded.
Lady Bracknell: Exploded! Was he the victim of a revolutionary outrage? I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social legislation. If so, he is well punished for his morbidity.
Algernon: My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out! The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean—so Bunbury died.
Lady Bracknell: He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his physicians.
Lady Bracknell: Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death must have been extremely sudden.
Algernon: (airily) Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.
Lady Bracknell: What did he die of?
Algernon: Bunbury? Oh, he was quite exploded.
Lady Bracknell: Exploded! Was he the victim of a revolutionary outrage? I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social legislation. If so, he is well punished for his morbidity.
Algernon: My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out! The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean—so Bunbury died.
Lady Bracknell: He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his physicians.
Yeah! That's the ticket!
—Tommy Flanagan, The Pathological Liar, Saturday Night Live
By the middle of 1996, Hogan had few options. His WCW contract would be due after two more PPVs, and he had no leverage left. He had tried one of his usual tricks months earlier, and it had backfired. The NBA playoffs were coming up, so he left to film a movie. Of course, the playoffs wreaked havoc on Nitro's ratings, and his plan was to come back and say the reason they were down was because he was gone. There was a flaw in his plan, however. He was gone too long, and when the playoffs ended, Nitro returned and started doing better numbers than when he'd been main-eventing every week.
—R. D. Reynolds and Bryan Alvarez, The Death of WCW
Anna Allen has a few TV and theater credits in Spain, but she’s finally getting the worldwide fame (not really) she deserves after the Spanish media and people on social media exposed the shameless Photoshop stunts she pulled on her 22,000 Instagram followers. Anna bragged about being invited to the Oscars, going to the Oscars and shooting an episode of The Big Bang Theory. But after graphic artist experts (aka anybody with eyes) examined the pictures, it was discovered that Anna copy + pasted her face over the face of others and Photoshopped her entire body in front of the Oscars backdrop. Bitch is where crazy and shameless meet.
I'm a pro when it comes to seeing through a lie, but when I'm the one who has to put on an act, I don't last five seconds...
—Ryotaro Dojima, Persona 4 Golden
Redcloak: After all this time... I have finally found the very WORST liar in the entire world.
O-Chul: I was a fighter for twelve years before I became a paladin! Charisma seemed like a safe Dump Stat at the time!
Redcloak: Next time, invest in cross-class skill ranks.
O-Chul: I was a fighter for twelve years before I became a paladin! Charisma seemed like a safe Dump Stat at the time!
Redcloak: Next time, invest in cross-class skill ranks.
[Webby's phone rings]
Louie: Remember, you're at a friend's house, okay? You got this.
Webby: [Answers phone; instantly] HI-GRANNY-I'M-SPENDING-THE-NIGHT-AT-A-FRIEND'S-HOUSE-SO-NOTHING-IS-WRONG! [Hangs up]
Louie: Oh, you don't got this.
Louie: Remember, you're at a friend's house, okay? You got this.
Webby: [Answers phone; instantly] HI-GRANNY-I'M-SPENDING-THE-NIGHT-AT-A-FRIEND'S-HOUSE-SO-NOTHING-IS-WRONG! [Hangs up]
Louie: Oh, you don't got this.
Donald: Where's Dewey?
Louie: Sleeping.
Huey: Who's Dewey?
Louie: (slowly turns towards Huey with a look of barely-concealed rage)
Donald: (walks past them into the houseboat)
Louie: "Who's Dewey"?!
Louie: Sleeping.
Huey: Who's Dewey?
Louie: (slowly turns towards Huey with a look of barely-concealed rage)
Donald: (walks past them into the houseboat)
Louie: "Who's Dewey"?!
"Could you just jump into that pit, there? That deadly pit? You're saying to yourself, 'Why should I jump into the pit?' I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy."
— Wheatley, Portal 2
"Galen... you're an inspired scientist, but you're a terrible liar."
— Director Orson Krennic, Rogue One
Chris Morris: Really, so you spoke to him about the technicalities of the deal in German?
Peter O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: Yes.
Morris: So what's the German for "thirty percent"?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: Er... "trenter percenter"?
Morris: "Dreißig prozent!"
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: Yes!
Morris: And what about that quote you attributed to him, "I don't like it but I'll have to go along with it"?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: That's what he said!
Morris: How did he say it?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: He said "I don't like it, but I'll have to go along with it."
Morris: IN GERMAN, how did he say it?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: "... ich... nichten lichten..."
Peter O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: Yes.
Morris: So what's the German for "thirty percent"?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: Er... "trenter percenter"?
Morris: "Dreißig prozent!"
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: Yes!
Morris: And what about that quote you attributed to him, "I don't like it but I'll have to go along with it"?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: That's what he said!
Morris: How did he say it?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: He said "I don't like it, but I'll have to go along with it."
Morris: IN GERMAN, how did he say it?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: "... ich... nichten lichten..."
Kara told Hira about the incident the next day. Hira talked to Nar-Es, who talked to Vara, who talked to Jasmine. Jasmine pooh-poohed Kara's version of the facts, asserting first that there had been no incident, then saying Kara had been the one to ask her over and make the advances. Nobody believed her.
"I don't do deceit very well."
— Gregg, Mindhunter, "Episode 9"
"You know, you're really a lousy liar, Tenchi."
— Sakuya Kumashiro, Tenchi in Tokyo, "Episode 10: Ryoko's Big Date"
"You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly."
— Drake Parker, Drake & Josh
"This entire article is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The fact that it's about Ramjet (who isn't a big fat liar) has nothing to do with anything. So there."
"We never said that this article spoke truth. You can't prove anything!"
"We never said that this article spoke truth. You can't prove anything!"
— The closing notes on (Animated) Ramjet's page
, TFWiki.net
, TFWiki.netJoel: ...apparently anyone with superpowers is fantastically photogenic.
Sydney: Pfft. I don't know about that.
Joel: I take it you've seen a super, then?
Sydney: What? No! Why would I have?
Joel: [...] Sydney, has anyone ever told you that you're an atrocious liar?
Sydney: Oh sure, all the time!
Joel: It's not a compliment!
Sydney: Pfft. I don't know about that.
Joel: I take it you've seen a super, then?
Sydney: What? No! Why would I have?
Joel: [...] Sydney, has anyone ever told you that you're an atrocious liar?
Sydney: Oh sure, all the time!
Joel: It's not a compliment!
Star-Lord: This is weird. We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora: Why would they do that?
Drax the Destroyer: Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket Raccoon: Dude!
Drax: Right... He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is.
Gamora: Why would they do that?
Drax the Destroyer: Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket Raccoon: Dude!
Drax: Right... He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is.
Auri: Just as I thought. Cart oil leaking everywhere.
Aziz: It's ice cream juice.
Auri: *Finds an octopus*
Aziz: Ice cream squid! Is how we make in old country.
Auri: *Finds a handgun*
[Beat]
Aziz: ...Ice cream... very dangerous business...
Aziz: It's ice cream juice.
Auri: *Finds an octopus*
Aziz: Ice cream squid! Is how we make in old country.
Auri: *Finds a handgun*
[Beat]
Aziz: ...Ice cream... very dangerous business...
"I've always been good at setting things up so people believe what I need them to believe, but I've never been a very good liar. The two skills are not the same."
— Antimony Price, Magic for Nothing
Mikado: Why are you looking for this girl?
Celty: [showing him her cell phone] She is my sister. I was trying to talk to her, but she ran away from me for some reason.
Mikado: [thinking] It's a terrible liar...
Celty: [showing him her cell phone] She is my sister. I was trying to talk to her, but she ran away from me for some reason.
Mikado: [thinking] It's a terrible liar...
"Here's an advice: Don't lie if you suck at it."
— Anonymous 2channel poster, Molester Man
"Yeah, so that man's official argument is 'Ukrainians killed their own civilians, who actually aren't civilians; they're actors who were just pretending to be dead, and the Ukrainian government itself is responsible for the real slaughter of its own fake civilians.' That's obviously ridiculous, and also ignores the first rule of lying: don't overcomplicate. There's a reason the line is 'I definitely have a girlfriend, she just goes to another school' and not, 'I definitely have a girlfriend, she's actually twins, sometimes they merge and became one really big girl, I'd invite you to come over and meet them, but that might be confusing, because I am you from the future.'"
Dr. McNinja: OH! Yes. I, Old McNinja work for King Radical... too. And am doing exactly that. I am not Dr. McNinja.
Alt Text: This is a man who was trained for several years on how to lie well.
Alt Text: This is a man who was trained for several years on how to lie well.
"I dipped my toe in the world of deceit and ill intention, and it did not turn out well."
— Caduceus Clay, Critical Role
Clank: Hmm...what is the Helios Project?
Qwark: That? That's nothing. Completely unrelated top-secret presidential stuff.
Clank: Qwark, if there is something you are not telling us...
Qwark: I'm telling you everything I know! Planets are disappearing faster than my gym socks, and no one knows why or how!
Clank: Zogg would like to know what you think of the Helios Project.
Qwark: The...Helios Project? I'm afraid I'm not privy— That is, I do not have any recollection of such a name.
[Everyone glares at him.]
Qwark: Alright. I may have some idea.
Qwark: That? That's nothing. Completely unrelated top-secret presidential stuff.
Clank: Qwark, if there is something you are not telling us...
Qwark: I'm telling you everything I know! Planets are disappearing faster than my gym socks, and no one knows why or how!
Clank: Zogg would like to know what you think of the Helios Project.
Qwark: The...Helios Project? I'm afraid I'm not privy— That is, I do not have any recollection of such a name.
[Everyone glares at him.]
Qwark: Alright. I may have some idea.
