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Quotes / Bad Liar

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"How can you be a secret government agent when you're so bad at lying?!"
"I'm not a secret government agent," said X, lying badly.

Don't lie, dear. But if you must, do it with conviction.
Ruth, Doc Martin ("Dry Your Tears")

Yossarian pushed his hand away. "Give up, Milo. People can't eat cotton."
Milo's face narrowed cunningly. "It isn't really cotton," he coaxed. "I was joking. It's really cotton candy, delicious cotton candy. Try it and see."
"Now you're lying."
"I never lie!" Milo rejoindered with proud dignity.
"You're lying now."
"I only lie when it's necessary."
Joseph Heller, Catch-22

Damien: ...You're horrible at lying.
Elliot: It's what I get for being the good guy.

Algernon (stammering): Bunbury doesn't live here. Bunbury is somewhere else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead.
Lady Bracknell: Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death must have been extremely sudden.
Algernon (airily): Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.
Lady Bracknell: What did he die of?
Algernon: Bunbury? Oh, he was quite exploded.
Lady Bracknell: Exploded! Was he the victim of a revolutionary outrage? I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social legislation. If so, he is well punished for his morbidity.
Algernon: My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out! The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean—so Bunbury died.
Lady Bracknell: He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his physicians.

Yeah! That's the ticket!
Tommy Flanagan, The Pathological Liar, Saturday Night Live'

By the middle of 1996, Hogan had few options. His WCW contract would be due after two more PPVs, and he had no leverage left. He had tried one of his usual tricks months earlier, and it had backfired. The NBA playoffs were coming up, so he left to film a movie. Of course, the playoffs wreaked havoc on Nitro's ratings, and his plan was to come back and say the reason they were down was because he was gone. There was a flaw in his plan, however. He was gone too long, and when the playoffs ended, Nitro returned and started doing better numbers than when he'd been main-eventing every week.
R. D. Reynolds and Bryan Alvarez, The Death of WCW

Anna Allen has a few TV and theater credits in Spain, but she’s finally getting the worldwide fame (not really) she deserves after the Spanish media and people on social media exposed the shameless Photoshop stunts she pulled on her 22,000 Instagram followers. Anna bragged about being invited to the Oscars, going to the Oscars and shooting an episode of The Big Bang Theory. But after graphic artist experts (aka anybody with eyes) examined the pictures, it was discovered that Anna copy + pasted her face over the face of others and Photoshopped her entire body in front of the Oscars backdrop. Bitch is where crazy and shameless meet.

I'm a pro when it comes to seeing through a lie, but when I'm the one who has to put on an act, I don't last five seconds...
Ryotaro Dojima, Persona 4 Golden

Redcloak: After all this time... I have finally found the very WORST liar in the entire world.
O-Chul: I was a fighter for twelve years before I became a paladin! Charisma seemed like a safe Dump Stat at the time!
Redcloak: Next time, invest in cross-class skill ranks.

[Webby's phone rings]
Louie: Remember, you're a friend's house, okay? You got this.
Louis: Oh, you don't got this.

Donald: Where's Dewey?
Louie: Sleeping.
Huey: Who's Dewey?
Louie: (slowly turns towards Huey with a look of barely-concealed rage)
Donald: (walks past them into the houseboat)
Louie: "Who's Dewey"?!

"Could you just jump into that pit, there? That deadly pit? You're saying to yourself, 'Why should I jump into the pit?' I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy."
Wheatley, Portal 2

"Galen... you're an inspired scientist, but you're a terrible liar."
Director Orson Krennic, Rogue One

Chris Morris: Really, so you spoke to him about the technicalities of the deal in German?
Peter O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: Yes.
Morris: So what's the German for "thirty percent"?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: Er... "trenter percenter"?
Morris: "Dreißig prozent!"
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: Yes!
Morris: And what about that quote you attributed to him, "I don't like it but I'll have to go along with it"?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: That's what he said!
Morris: How did he say it?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: He said "I don't like it, but I'll have to go along with it."
Morris: IN GERMAN, how did he say it?
O'Hanraha-Hanrahan: "... ich... nichten lichten..."

Kara told Hira about the incident the next day. Hira talked to Nar-Es, who talked to Vara, who talked to Jasmine. Jasmine pooh-poohed Kara's version of the facts, asserting first that there had been no incident, then saying Kara had been the one to ask her over and make the advances. Nobody believed her.


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