Funny: Hey Arnold!
Note: The episodes are organized based on information from the Hey Arnold! Wiki. A BOLD CAPITALIZED (FIN) means the episode ended after the particular moment.
open/close all folders
1A Downtown as Fruits
- Monkeyman runs past the Sunset Arms boarding house yelling "I'm Monkeyman!" (Since he doesn't have his A Day in the Limelight moment until episode 75A, YMMV for this being a Big Lipped Alligator Moment.)
- Arnold imagining Helga bashing her head with a stagelight pole, sobbing, "My play! My beautiful play!"
1B Eugene's Bike
- Arnold and Eugene enjoy a day out, and all of the bad things happening to Eugene (he fails to catch a home-run ball at a baseball game, chokes on a hot dog and subsequently gets hit in the eye with the piece that flew out of his mouth, and he falls into the river while looking out over the docks).
2A The Little Pink Book
2B Field Trip
- Arnold and his grandma break into the aquarium to free an old aged mistreated turtle. They pass by a security guard who is too preoccupied with tormenting the animals to even notice them. Though what he does is actually pretty funny.
Guard: (laughing) Here, have a cookie. (penguin coughs up cookies and squawks angrily) Uh oh, you tossed your cookies. Here have a cookie. (penguin coughs up cookie and squawks angrily) Uh oh, you tossed your cookies again.
- Arnold warns his grandma not to get her hands too close to Lockjaw's mouth. A moment later, Grandma screams, and we see her empty sleeve. Arnold reacts accordingly, until Grandma pulls up the sleeve, reveals her hand, and says, "These darn sleeves are too long."
- Later on, when Arnold and his grandma are escaping with said turtle, they pass by the guard who is now taunting a shark.
Guard: (dipping his hand in and out of the shark tank) Let's go big shark. Come on, Jaws. Bite me. (he falls into the tank and is cornered by shark) WHAAA!
- Later on, when Arnold and his grandma are escaping with said turtle, they pass by the guard who is now taunting a shark.
3A Arnold's Hat
- The image of Helga posing as a gargoyle◊ in order to steal Arnold's hat.
3B Stoop Kid
- The ending is both this and a Crowning Moment of Awesome for him:
Harold: Little Baby Stoop Kid's Afraid to leave his stooooop! Haha!Stoop Kid: (As Harold turns around the corner) HEY! (jumps off stoop, Harold's jaw drops) COME HERE FAT BOY! I'M GONNA ROLL YOU DOWNTOWN!Harold: (starts running away) Ahhhh! Help! Mommy! (FIN)
4A Helga's Makeover
- Helga gives herself a makeover, in order to look more girly for Rhonda's party. When her mother Miriam opens the bathroom door and sees the finished product she gasps and faints, causing Helga to say "Maybe I should've gone a bit lighter on the eye shadow."
4B The Old Building
- Grandma and Ernie are arguing over whether the Circle Theater should be saved or demolished. Ernie has to climb on a chair in order to look Grandma in the eye.
5A 6th Grade Girls
- "Hey, Maria! Come over here!"
- "No no no YOU come over here!"
- "COME OVER HERE!"
- "No no no YOU come over here!"
5B The Baseball
- Arnold can't afford to go to favorite player Mickey Kaline's last game, so Grandpa suggests he use the money he earned in a dog-washing business. Arnold keeps these funds on a shelf above his bed in a jar labeled THIS IS NOT MONEY.
- Grandpa chasing down Arnold after he accidentally slips him a $50-bill.
- A sports reporter interviews Mickey after the game, and Mickey tears up about how much he will miss baseball. This causes the reporter to start crying hysterically.
- Arnold walks into the kitchen where his grandma is sitting at the table.
Grandma Gertie: I can't stand it Arnold! It's hotter than blazes! I'm a grandma with a husband, a young grandson, and a boarding house full of people to be responsible for.Arnold: (to himself) This heat's so crazy it's got Grandma acting normal.
- The entire scene with Willie the Jolly Olly Man.
- Helga: (climbs atop ice cream truck) We've had enough! We want our ice cream, and we want it at a price we kids can afford!Harold: You said it, sister!Iggy: That's right!Helga: And if we don't get it, we're going to do something really bad!(Crowd yells in agreement)Jolly Olly Man: Okay, okay! (thinks) You can have "Rum Raisin" for 10 [dollars].Helga: LET'S TURN OVER THE TRUCK!!!
- And then the kids try to do so with Helga still on the truck!
- Eugene, trying to help (in his typical clueless way) by attempting to lift up the entire back end of the ice cream truck. He predictably hurts himself, and spends the rest of the scene marching back and forth and clutching his back while the other kids rock and shake the truck.
- Harvey hates the snow.
- A Hillwood city bus is pelted by snowballs thrown by Harold and his friends.
Bus Driver: Ah! I can't see! (turns to look at passengers) WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!(cut to passenger seats, showing only Grandma and boarding house pets, who honestly dont care about the situation. The bus crashes, and Grandma escapes the wreckage on a sled pulled by the pets.)
- The boarding house residents moan about the furnace breaking.
Grandpa Phil: You call this cold? You should have been here in the winter of '49!Mr. Hyunh: I don't care, I was in Vietnam in 1949...plus I was not born yet!
7A Operation Ruthless
- The whole Tunnel of Love scene and the pairings that resulted afterward.
7B The Vacant Lot
- There's this scene where Eugene gets attacked by Harveys chickens. Look at Arnold in that scene, he couldn't care less!
- After the adults decide to re-make the baseball field for the kids, Arnold's Grandma Gertie shouts "Play ball!". Next, Arnold's Grandpa Phil does the same thing, followed by all the kids in unison and then Mr. Green. Mr. Hyunh, however, chooses to shout the phrase more than once while running around Gerald Field.
Mr. Hyunh: Play ba-all! Play ball! Play ba-all! Play ball! Play ba-all! Play ball! Play ba-all!—Play ba-all! Play ball! Play ba-all!Grandpa Phil: WILL YOU BE QUIET?! (FIN)
8A The List
8B Haunted Train
- After Brainy scares the kids, they ask him why he's on the train with them. He admits he doesn't know. A beat later, Helga grabs Brainy, Gerald opens a train door, and Helga 'throws' Brainy out of the door.
9B Roughin' It
10A Door Number 16
10B Arnold as Cupid
- Oskar is playing poker with Vic and Morrie in Arnold's bedroom. Oskar doesn't have any money left to bet, so he decides to put up Arnold's CD player as collateral.
Arnold: AAAAAAAH! Mr. Kokoshka, that's mine!Oskar: Don't worry, Arnold. I can't lose. (Gilligan Cut) I can't believe I lost.Arnold: (Sarcasm Mode) Yeah, who would have thought you would lose with a pair of threes?
11B Cool Jerk
12A Das Subway
- There's a Gilligan Cut for the kids riding on the subway.
Helga: There is no way I'm taking the subway. I can't believe I'm taking the subway.
- Everyone's deadpan response to what they thought the homeless man was going to say:
"We know, we know. Get out of your house."
12B Wheezin' Ed
- Arnold: Who'd be stupid enough to make counterfeit pennies?
- And the moment shortly thereafter when they run into Vic and Morrie the counterfeiters:
Sid: AAAAAAAH it's WHEEZIN' ED! (sees henchman) And...and SOME OTHER GUY!
- And the moment shortly thereafter when they run into Vic and Morrie the counterfeiters:
13A Tutoring Torvald
- Arnold describes to Torvald 3 real-world situations where math is needed.
Arnold: (sigh) Okay. Say you want to work for NASA, but you never learned to count backwards.Torvald: 10, 9, 8, uh... 12, 16, 2, (the astronaut gets out of the rocket) 33.Astronaut: (shouting) ZERO! ZERO! (rocket takes off) NO!Arnold: Or you get a job at the stock market, but you're still having trouble with your pluses and minuses.(Torvald presses the red minus button, changing the number from a green 4,500 to a red -4,500 which causes people to panic. A screen reads "DOWN 100%".)Man: It's a crash! The entire world economy is destroyed!Arnold: So then, you get a job at a fast-food joint.Manager: (Hispanic accent) Okay, Torvald. Fill the napkin dispensers on all tables with numbers divisible by a factor of 3.(Torvald looks at all the tables and moans in agony)Torvald: Okay, okay. You made your point.
13B Gerald Comes Over
14A Spelling Bee
- The huge security guard takes Seymour Stump away after the moderator finds out his mom was spelling words in his ear via a hidden earpiece.
- Big Bob's gives a Big "WHAT?!" after Helga spells "qualm" with an X.
14B Pigeon Man
15A Olga Comes Home
- Helga forges Olga's report card (making her think she got a B+ and sending the poor girl into a depression) and begins getting all the gifts that Olga turned down (as she thinks she's a failure just because she got a B+), Helga eats from a box of chocolates and gloats how she finally took over being the favorite of the family — until she chokes on the chocolate and has to give herself the Heimlich maneuver.
- Near the end, Helga begins to realize just how badly Olga is affected by her prank and feels pity for her, alone and crying in her room. She remarks that there's only "one thing to do" ...and promptly closes Olga's door to lessen the noise.
15B Sally's Comet
- Arnold and Gerald need help binge-eating cereal for box tops necessary to receive a telescope in the mail. Harold (who is one of several people helping out) pours some cereal straight from the box into his mouth, eats it, and says "Ughhh... I just swallowed a prize."
16A Abner Come Home
16B The Sewer King
17A False Alarm
- Curly has an Ax-Crazy reaction to Eugene borrowing his Wanky Land pencil and then returning it chewed up and sharpened down to the metal part.
- Curly: SHARPENING! SHARPENING! SHARPENING!
17B World Records
- Arnold, his friends, and other people from the neighborhood try to get into the Book of World Records by making the world's biggest pizza puff.
Gerald: I hope we put in enough baking soda.Phoebe: 150 teaspoons should be plenty.Sid: (nervously) "Teaspoons"? I didn't know it was... "teaspoons."Phoebe: What did you think "TSP" stood for?(long pause)Sid: Uh... ten square pounds?Arnold: Uh oh...Oskar: Look out, she's gonna blow!(The pizza puff explodes, sending ingredients flying everywhere. Some of the sauce lands on Harold who's still riding on a kiddie ride outside of a supermarket. He licks the sauce off his face and grins happily.)
18A Magic Show
- The headline of the newspaper in Helga's Imagine Spot: IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE WITHOUT HELGA.
- "Wait, if I'm a ghost...I can fly." (falls flat on her face in the street)
18B 24 Hours to Live
- HEY ARNOLD! 24 HOURS UNTIL YOU DIIIIIIEEEE!
19A Part Time Friends
20 Arnold's Christmas
- Arnold asking Gerald what gifts he is giving his (Gerald's) family for Christmas.
Arnold: So what did you get your dad?Gerald: A nice, plaid tie. Not too loud.Arnold: That's nice. What did you get Jaime O.?Gerald: A tie: red and blue.Arnold: That's good. What did you get Timberly?Gerald: A tie, with little pink things on it.Arnold: Gerald, you can't give Timberly a tie for Christmas. She's a little 4-year old girl. What's she gonna wear a tie for?Gerald: Formal occasions.
- When Helga goes on one of her soliloquies, she gets mud and dirty water from the street splashed on her by Mr. Green's meat truck.
- Oskar sets up a prank for the other boarding house members when they draw names for the Christmas gift exchange.
Grandpa Phil: So that's all of us. It's time to pick your secret Santa.Oskar: Go ahead, everybody. Pick a random name from the bowl.(All boarders but Oskar draw folded papers out of a glass bowl.)Mr. Hyunh: (whispering to Ernie) Don't tell anyone, but I got Oskar.Ernie: I got Oskar, too.Grandpa Phil: (surprised) So did I.Oskar: Eh heh heh heh! What a coincidence!Ernie: Kokoshka, you bum! You wrote your name on all the slips!Oskar: Okay, okay, it was a joke. A Christmas joke, eunh?Grandpa Phil: A yuletide prankster, eh?
- Oskar opening his Christmas present.
Oskar: Everybody look, what can it be? (lifts a bag out of the box) Coal? It looks like a bag of coal. Who would give me a bag of coal on Christmas?Ernie: (denying) Wasn't me.
Note: Episodes with an asterisk (*) were originally produced as part of Season 1. (Indicated by the Games Animation logo at the end)
21A Helga's Boyfriend*
- Stinky's father tries to get him to eat a cheese sandwich, which Stinky refuses because he's "too forlorn, melancholy, and wistful." His father reacts with unabashed glee when Stinky tells him he can have the sandwich.
21B Crush on Teacher*
- The Running Gag about no one knowing Arnold's last name gets a hell of a lot funnier when Helga cuts her customary dramatic love monologue short after she realizes that she still hasn't figured it out. Helga might be a Stalker with a Crush with a love shrine dedicated to Arnold, and she might obsess over every detail about him...but not even she knows what the dude's last name is.
Helga: Oh, how I long to match Arnold's stride! Run with him as one! Break the tape at the finish line of life as Mrs. Arnold—wait, what is his last name...?
22A Hall Monitor*
- Principal Wartz asks Helga who will succeed her as P.S. 118 Hall Monitor.
Wartz: As is our tradition here at P.S. 118, the retiring hall monitor gets to select the next officer. Helga, have you chosen your replacement?Helga: Well, actually, Mr. Principal Wartz, I was thinking of volunteering for a second term.(The student audience groans, Helga growls, their spines straighten.)
- On her first day as hall monitor, Phoebe gets trampled by kids entering the school. A few seconds later, Harold somehow pushes her into a school locker.
Helga: Phoebe! Are you all right? Phoebe, say something!Phoebe: (somberly) I quit.
- In the lunch line, Gerald tells Arnold all the reasons of why he will be in detention.
Gerald: Did you hear about that monster truck show? Wish we could go.Arnold: Can't. I got detention.Gerald: I know; me, too. (he pulls out some detention slips) Look at these. One for walking too fast, one for walking too slow, one for turning a corner too sharply, one for turning too wide, one for squeaky shoes, one for suspiciously quiet shoes, and these are just from this morning.(Gerald throws the detention slips into the air and they fall to the floor. Phoebe walks up to Gerald and hands him another slip.)Gerald: What's this?Phoebe: One for littering. (Gerald frowns)
- Phoebe looks into the window reflection, envisions herself looking like Helga, and screams.
Helga: Hey, it's not that scary.Phoebe: Yes it is!
22B Harold's Bar Mitzvah*
- Harold's nightmare about being a man in ancient Jewish times the night before his bar mitzvah.
- Harold's reason for why he gave away his orange popsicle to 2 young boys fighting over a purple one.
Arnold: I don't I've ever seen you give up a popsicle before, Harold.Harold: Yeah, well, those kids wouldn't shut up.
- Harold chanting a Hebrew prayer, scaring away a bully on the city bus.
Bully: You may be dressed in your bar mitzvah best, but you're still a punk, and I'm gonna show you who's boss. Say your prayers, kiddo.Harold: (hands folded, chanting in Hebrew) Sh'ma Yisrael Adonai...Bully: What are you saying?Harold: (continuing) Eloihanu Adonai Echad.Bully: Hey, you're weirding me out with that jibberish. I'm outta here! (He moves to the front of the bus)
- After Arnold tells Harold about the good things he just did, Harold stills says he wants to go to Elk Island.
- YMMV, but the fact that Harold is old enough in Jewish culture to be a man, but can't rent a canoe.
- Stinky takes Harold's yarmulke at his bar mitzvah reception. He does give it back a little later.
Harold: MOMMY, THEY TOOK MY YARMULKE!
23A Coach Wittenberg (episode)*
23B Four-Eyed Jack (episode)*
24A Tour de Pond*
24B Teachers' Strike*
- When the teachers go on strike, Principal Wartz has to teach the entire school. He tries to lead everyone in a sing-along.
Wartz: And now, the left side of the room! B-I-N-G-O...
- The coffee shop owner lists all the coffee flavors in ultra-fast, caffeinated fashion.
25 Arnold's Valentine*
26A Runaway Float*
- Harold's float design for the City Day Parade: A giant brownie.
- Helga is about to tell Arnold how she got money form her dad for Arnold's parade float design, but Gerald sidetracks her first.
Helga: Hey, Arnold. I did it.Gerald: You're the one that put the super glue in Eugene's lunchbox?Helga: No, you morons. Doy.
- As Arnold and his friends are building the parade float in the boarding house garage, Sid picks up a flower with a bee and gets attacked by it. This is followed by Arnold's friend's unable to continue helping out.
Arnold: Hey, what's wrong you guys? Why did you stop working?Rhonda: We're out of flowers, Arnold.Nadine: Yeah, and chicken wire.(Eugene sets a box of nails on a board which sends a can full of paint flying. It splashes on the wall with Arnold's design patterns.)Eugene: We're out of paint, too.
- Much of what happens during the runaway float part is pretty funny. During the parade, the wind increases in speed, causing Grandpa Phil to lose his hat. Then, the re-designed papier-mβchι beeper float becomes unstable. Big Bob and Nick Vermicelli argue over who should have the control panel. It plows into the marching band, knocking the members down like bowling pins. Helga prays in garbled telephone talk right before Arnold pulls the vehicle's emergency brake.
- Arnold's/Big Bob's float wins the best float award. Nick wants to accept it, but Big Bob stops him.
Nick Vermicelli: Thank you, thank you! Thanks a lot! It's a great honor to win this...Big Bob: (shoves him aside) Ah, get outta here, ya...
- Arnold's grandma gives him a suggestion for what he could do at the P.S. 118 school talent show.
Grandma Gertie: Maybe you could fly around the auditorium like a bird.Arnold: (deadpan) Thanks, grandma.
- The montage of Arnold and Gerald practicing acts for the talent show in Arnold's bedroom. First, Arnold tries the magic trick of sawing Gerald in half, but Gerald's shirt rips. Next, both of them do a sock puppet show which turns into a slapstick routine because they keep hitting each other with the puppets. Finally, there's the absurdity of Arnold balancing on a rubber ball as he juggles an apple, a fish, a bowling pin, and a baseball all while Gerald is upside down with his hair on Arnold's head as he plays an accordion with his feet. They both crash to the floor.
- The terrible sounding songs written by Dino Spumoni and Don Reynolds. For Dino, it's the lyrics; for Don, it's the melody.
27A The Big Scoop
27B Harolds Kitty
- "Come and get me, copper lady!"
- Harold responds to the police summons with an irritated Big "WHAT?!".
- A confused cop tries to tell Harold to come out with the kitten and his hands in the air.
28A Arnold Saves Sid
- At breakfast in the boarding house, Oskar wants more pancakes.
Grandpa Phil: Well, another round, short man?Arnold: No thanks, grandpa. I couldn't eat another bite. (he gets up and leaves)Oskar: I'll take them, grandpa. (he grins)(Beat)Grandpa Phil: (angrily) You already had 3 helpings, you no-good chiseler. And don't call me "grandpa"!(A slap is heard as Arnold walks to the front door.)Oskar: (off-screen) Ow! You hurt my hand. I'm going to sue you.
- Sid forces a guy on the city bus to move so Arnold can have a window seat.
Sid: You! You're gonna have to move so my friend can sit by the window.Guy: (gets up) You're talking to me?Arnold: (whispering) Sid, what are you doing?Sid: (whispers to Arnold) Let me take care of this. (to the guy) That's right, I'm talking to you, bubba. Now move your can, pronto. My friend doesn't like to wait.(The guy frowns and goes to another seat.)Sid: Right this way, Arnold.
- Miss Slovak is impressed with Sid's knowledge of Christopher Columbus, but he doesn't want the credit.
Sid: Thank you, but I don't deserve credit. No, the credit belongs to my friend, Arnold. (sniff) (sadly) The guy who saved my life.(He sniffs more and starts weeping face-down on his desk.)
- Arnold wakes up and finds Sid in his room steam-pressing his school clothes.
- When Grandpa Phil is cleaning the kitchen floor, he tells Arnold about a similar lifelong servant experience he had. Arnold asks him for advice about his situation with Sid.
Arnold: So what should I do?Grandpa Phil: (thinking) Here's what you do. Take this mop. Mop the floor. See ya. (he walks away, accompanied with a quick rimshot)
- A montage of Sid helping out Arnold includes him forcing a different guy to move on the city bus. (No audio, though)
- Arnold tries to talk Gerald out of playing hooky.
Arnold: We can't.Gerald: Why not? Lots of kids do it.Arnold: Like who?Gerald: Like Smedvick. Remember Smedvick?Arnold: Uh... Gerald? Smedvick's in Juvenile Hall.Gerald: What's your point?Arnold: Forget it, Gerald. We can't play hooky.
- Arnold's phone call to Principal Wartz for getting out of school.
Arnold: Uh, hello? I mean, I mean (coughs and imitates Grandpa Phil) Uh, yes, Principal Wartz? This is Arnold's grandpa. Just so's you know, young Arnold will be out today. Got a touch of malaria. Ooh, not to worry, though. What don't kill you makes you stronger, I always say. I'd talk to ya more but I ate Mexican for breakfast. Gotta go! (hangs up payphone)Gerald: Arnold, I am moved by your greatness.Arnold: (normal voice) It's no big deal. I've been hanging around grandpa so long I just kinda picked it up.
- At Quigley Field, Arnold is concerned Gerald and him will be caught on camera. Gerald tempts fate about the chances of that happening, and they both appear on the Jumbotron, causing them to leave.
- After getting disguises from a costume store, Arnold and Gerald are mistakenly arrested because they look like Huffnagel and Keschleffsky, the Yahoo Soda bandits. Arnold and Gerald both think they are going to jail, but the real bad guys were caught so they get to be released.
- Arnold and Gerald go back to school, find out it was a surprise Carnival Day, and contemplate what the moral of their experience was.
Arnold: So is there a moral to this?Gerald: Yeah, stay in school and pray that it's carnival day.Arnold: It's not much of a moral, is it?Gerald: How about, don't wear fake beards or you'll get arrested?Arnold: No, that's no good.Gerald: Stay away from "Buddy Love" movies?Arnold: Hmm. Closer, but that's not it, either. (FIN)
29A Save the Tree
- The bulldozer which was going to knock down Mighty Pete is taken over by Arnolds Grandma Gertie.
Nick Vermicelli: (shouting and chasing Arnold's Grandma) Hey! Crazy lady! Come back here with that bulldozer!
- Sid's reaction upon seeing Big Bob and Nick on the bulldozer: AHHH! IT'S BIG BOB...AND SOME OTHER GUY!
29B New Teacher
- During the scene where all the kids "prank" Mr. Simmons by coughing at the same time, the camera pans out to show the entire circle of students, still coughing... with Curly lying dramatically on the floor.
- This gem after Curly intentionally drops a pencil in attempt to prank a second new teacher:
Lieutenant Major Goose: Who deployed that pencil? It was a calculated act! (Walks to Curly's desk) Since the foreign object is under your desk, I assume you are the enemy! What is your name?Curly: Curly!Goose: Your hair's not curly, boy! What's your real name?Curly: Thaddeus.Goose: (Beat) ...Curly! Go stand in that corner facing inward! (Helga laughs) You've earned yourself a corner, little lady! (Harold laughs) And so have you, pally! Move, move, move! (Points at Stinky) You! The remaining corner now!Stinky: Why?Goose: Symmetry!
- This classic line from Curly:
Curly: WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE!?
- This classic line from Curly:
- Lt. Major Goose begins humming a patriotic song with his hands over his ears to avoid all the kids' questions. We then get a close-up of the kids' faces, in full Nightmare Fuel mode.
Wartz: Why are you doing this, Mr. Goose? Is this part of the lesson plan?Goose: SIR! MAY I BE RELIEVED OF MY DUTIES HERE, SIR?!Wartz: Does that mean you're quitting?Goose: (salutes Wartz) SIR, YES SIR! AAAAAAAUUUUUGGGH! (he runs out of the school)
- YMMV, but Simmons' entire New Age-y, "special" shtick is so overblown and schmaltzy, it's hilarious.
- Simmons discovers Harold has eaten his sandwich...during a reading of the William Carlos Williams poem "They Were Delicious" (the show uses a Lawyer-Friendly Cameo version—Walter Charles Walters).
- Gerald's assessment of the perp: "One, he means business, and two, he flunked spelling."
- The fact that Harold ate the eye off his own Wally doll.
Harold: I was hungry...
30B Ms. Perfect
31A Monkey Business
31B Big Caesar
- Grandma's impersonation of a pirate parrot. Grandpa calls her out that the parrot on her shoulder is fake, until it flies away at the end.
32A The High Life
32B Best Friends
- The boys are playing dodge ball. Gerald throws the ball, and instead of hitting Eugene the jinx, it easily knocks Arnold down, who has been sleep deprived. Eugene is especially ecstatic that the ball missed him, chanting "It missed me! It MISSED ME!" until a ball does hit him.
33A Longest Monday
- To avoid being Stuffed Into A Trash Can, Stinky hides in a trash can.
Stinky: Talk about ironic.
33B Eugenes Pet
- Eugene explains that he can't have a pet rabbit because his last one gave him nightmares.
- Eugene finally gets his own pet; an angel fish from the city aquarium. But while his back was turned, the fish was casually eaten by a shark.
34A Mud Bowl
- Wolfgang just challenged the fourth graders to a football game. Sid then him offers an alternative to football.
Sid: I have a great idea! How about a game of Chess? We'll have a tournament...Wolfgang: (snaps back) Football, foot-ball, here! Saturday.
- Helga's drill-sergeant nasty methods of getting the fourth graders ready for the game, which includes each of them drinking 10 power protein drinks every day until Saturday.
- After exercising too hard, Harold barfs up the protein drinks he consumed.
Harold: (barfs) Ugh. I just threw up my protein drink! (barfs again)
- Wolfgang and his friends are practicing in the park. He catches the football in the street and crashes into a city mailbox, crushing it in the process.
Wolfgang: Yeah! (he spikes the football) Touchdown! (turns to Arnold, Gerald, Sid, and Stinky) You fourth graders are DEAD MEAT!(He walks back across the road, sticks his right arm in front of an oncoming car, and it screeches to a halt.)
- At lunch in school amongst his friends (plus Wolfgang and Edmund), Harold gives his reason for why he doesn't want to play football on Saturday.
Harold: And I have to feed my dog.Helga: Harold, you don't even have a dog!Harold: Okay, okay! Then I'm scared and cold and sort of nauseous.
- YMMV for Torvald's unfortunate injury from tripping into a small hole on the football field, therefore ending the fourth graders' seemingly flawless strategy where he gets the ball on every offensive play for them.
- Eugene picks up the football Harold fumbled from the handoff and he gets dog-piled by all the fifth graders.
Eugene: Ow...Arnold: Hey, this is touch football.Wolfgang: (sarcastically) Oops, I guess we forgot.
- After the fourth graders tie the game at 42 all, Eugene tempts fate on their progress.
Eugene: This is wonderful! Everything is going our way, nothing can stop us, plus it's a lovely fall day.(All of a sudden, rain clouds show up with lightning and thunder. Rain falls on the park.)
34B Gerald Moves Out
- Timberly takes tape which she calls a "shiny ribbon" from Gerald's cassette and wraps it around some books.
- Gerald bounces around lying on the Murphy bed in his room at the boarding house. It springs back up into the wall.
Gerald: Uh, Arnold... I need some help.
- Ernie and Mr. Hyunh arguing about lint and the rules of the boarding house laundry room.
Mr. Hyunh: The rule says all tenants must clean out the lint filter.Ernie: And I'm telling you that filter was clean as a whistle when I was through.Mr. Hyunh: Then why did I find all of this? This lint — your lint!
- Some of the rules listed in the laundry room include:
- Riding in clothes dryer is forbidden without adult.
- Modern music is not allowed on Thursdays and Saturdays.
- No standing around in your birthday suit in order to wash everything.
- Smoking permitted inside washer on rinse cycle.
35A Freeze Frame
- Arnold and Gerald go to the Police Station and tell the officers there the information they heard about a guy named Marty (Later revealed to be Mr. Green) who's going to be murdered. The law officials laugh in disbelief.
Arnold: I don't think they took us very seriously.Gerald: What makes you say that?
35B Phoebe Cheats
- Mr. Simmons reads Helga's love poem for Arnold for a poetry contest in class and it is signed Anonymous. When Helga hears Mr. Simmons begin to read it, she freaks out and slouches down in her chair.
Stinky: Gosh, Helga, you're sliding down your chair like it was your poem or something.
- Phoebe takes the Emily Dickinson statue she won from the poetry contest and buries it in a sandbox at the city park. A boy jumps into the very same sandbox, unearthing the statue. It lands in front of Arnold and Gerald. They bring the statue back to Phoebe's house. When Phoebe enters her bedroom, she screams at the statue sitting in front of the window.
- Phoebe reads Helga's anonymous poem in front of the audience. Everybody but Helga applauds as she faints instead.
Stinky: Poor Helga. She's been shot through the heart by a pretty poem.
36A Helgas Love Potion
- At school, Helga is getting a drink from the drinking fountain. Arnold is next in line.
Helga: Here ya go, football head.Arnold: Thanks. (Helga squirts water from the fountain into his face.) Hey!Helga: Ha ha ha ha ha! Sucker!
- Helga backhands Brainy after the water fountain prank.
- Helga sees Arnold's image in the river and it winks at her.
- Helga reads her creative writing assignment to Mr. Simmons
Helga: (monotone) "Morning. I put on a pink dress. I eat oatmeal for breakfast. The news is on. Mom isn't listening. My dad reads the paper. I go to school." Not much of a poem. Oh, well.
- Helga just says "Oh, hi Brainy." and walks away, causing Brainy to suffer a panic attack and then punch himself out.
- Helga finds out the love potion form Madame Blanche she consumed was a fake.
Madame Blanche: It's just a homemade concoction. There's nothing keeping you from loving anybody.Helga: You mean, I paid you 10 bucks for some grape pop?!Madame Blanche: And a little chamomile, uh-huh.Helga: Then I want my money back!
- When Helga finds out she can secretly love Arnold again, she kisses Brainy on the forehead and he falls to the ground.
36B Geralds Secret
- Arnold makes a jump on his bicycle from one wooden ramp to another.
Stinky: That was really great, Arnold!Harold: (annoyed) Aw, that's easy!(He rides his bicycle with low inflated tires up the ramp where his speed stops. The ramp breaks and Harold falls over. The other kids laugh at him.)Helga: Looks like you gotta knock off a few pounds, big boy.
- Arnold has Gerald learning bike-riding on a pink girl's bike with training wheels. He doesn't think anybody will see Gerald learning at the tire warehouse, but Harold does and blabs about it to his friends.
- While practicing in the city park, Gerald crashes his bicycle into a garbage can. He brakes right in front of 3 garbage cans stacked on top of each other, but they fall over anyway. A young kid passes by Gerald on a big-wheel tricycle, which changes his direction; Gerald ends up crashing into another garbage can and the bicycle launches him head first into it.
- Gerald rides to the Bike-a-Thon starting line on his bike. He brakes right next to Harold and asks him, "Ready to ride... bubba?"
- When going down the big hill, Harold loses control of his bike due to the aforementioned low inflated tires.
Harold: Ooh! Ah, help, mommy! (He crashes into a store called "Baby Town".)
37A Steely Phil
37B Quantity Time
- Big Bob and Helga's reaction to Rats: The Musical of Singing Rats, especially to the crying couple in the audience. Also qualifies as a Heartwarming Moment.
38A Eating Contest
- Harold shows Arnold how much he can eat at the lunch table.
Harold: Ha! You can't win! I can eat way more than you can. Look! (He scarfs down 3 hard-shell tacos in one bite, then proceeds to drink pickle brine)Stinky: Watch this, Harold. (He consumes an entire triple cheeseburger in one mouthful.)(Harold eats all the pickles and drinks all the brine in the jar.)
- Harold makes fun of Seymour "The Disposal".
Harold: (mockingly) Ooh, I'm the big hungry "Disposal."(Gerald, Harold, and Stinky all laugh at him before being shocked by how much ice cream he can eat in one setting)
- Arnold eats too much food training for the contest, so he barfs in the bathroom. His grandpa has more food waiting for him when he gets out.
Grandpa Phil: Mmm... it's lobster bisque. Mmm.(Arnold's face turns green. He goes back into the bathroom and vomits again.)
- At the eating contest, the first dish is hard-shell tacos from "El Patio". Harold gives up after eating just 2 of them.
Harold: (eats one taco) I love this contest. Ah, I love eating! (he eats a second one) Wait... Oh, I think I ate too fast. (moaning) Oh, oh, my belly hurts! (shouts) AAAAHHHH! MOMMY! (he runs away and the audience laughs)Grandpa Phil: He just took 2 bites.
- Harold's parents were in the audience the entire time, even after he quit.
- Stinky collapses after chomping into one of the stuffed bell peppers made by Arnold's grandma.
Helga: What did your grandma stuff these with, football head? Socks?Grandpa Phil: Hey, hey! That recipe was a secret.
- Arnold watches Seymour devour the Jolly Olly Man's ice cream.
Arnold: Wow, I can't beat that. You really are "The Disposal". How are you feeling?(Seymour stops, belches, and continues eating)Gerald: I think he's feeling pretty good.
38B Rhondas Glasses
39A Eugene Goes Bad
- Eugene heckles "The Abdicator" (Maurice) after finding out he doesn't perform his own stunts and falls over a cable on the ground.
Eugene: Boo! Boo! The Abdicator stinks (trips) Whoa! Ow. The Abdicator's a fake! Boo!
- Right after turning bad, Eugene walks along the sidewalk and falls into an open manhole.
- Eugene starts to climb up the fire escape, but he misses the first step and falls down, saying "I'm okay."
- The Abdicator's whining in general is pretty funny, especially his repeated requests for apricot juice. C'mon people, the guy has been working since 11:00.
39B What's Opera, Arnold?
- Harold makes a derisive impression of Pagliacci, the Crying Clown.
Harold: (mockingly) Look at me, I'm Pagliacci, the big sad clown, boo-hoo-hoo. (laughs)
- Harold as Pagliacci in Arnold's dream.
Harold: Look at me, Arnold. Look at me! I'm a... I'm a...(to the tune of "Vesti la Giubba") ♪ Bi-i-i-ig u-u-u-ugly clo-o-o-o-own-o, a big, sa-a-a-a-ad, ugly clo-o-o-o-own-o ♪ (he runs off crying)
- YMMV, but all the songs are pretty hilarious.
- Helga uses a slingshot to fling a small piece of paper at Arnold's nose; it causes him to wake up.
Arnold: Uh... (bonk) Hey! Cut it out! Who's doing that?Helga: Heh, I had to shut you up somehow. You were snoring louder than the orchestra. (kids laugh)
- In Helga's dream, Brainy gets backhanded by her after she says, "Hush, my distempered breath."
40 Arnold's Halloween
- Grandpa Phil gives a bizarre answer to Arnold when asked if Gerald and him could help out for the boarding house Halloween party.
Arnold: Hey, grandpa. Can Gerald and I help out this year?Grandpa Phil: Oh no, Arnold Halloween is a serious business and it's not for kids. (rimshot)
- Ernie and Mr. Hyunh arguing over who will be Frankenstein's monsternote for the Halloween party.
- Helga mouths part of Big Bob's alien encounter story as he is telling it to Harvey and Mr. Green.
- Big Bob barely looks at Helga's alien Halloween costume and goes back to reading pro football scores in the newspaper.
Helga: Dad, I just want you to look at the costume I'm wearing.Big Bob: (looks up, then back at the newspaper) There, I see it. You happy? Oh, how could Green Bay win again?
- (Its even more hilarious based on the episodes original airdate.note On October 27, 1997, the Green Bay Packers played in Foxborough, Massachusetts against the New England Patriots at the now-demolished Foxboro Stadium, where they won 28-10.)
- At the boarding house, Grandpa Phil (dressed as a ghoul) scares the trick-or-treaters with insects instead of candy.
Kids: Trick or treat.Grandpa Phil: Oh, you all look so adorable. Why don't you help yourself to some WORMS AND COCKROACHES?!(The kids scream and run away.)Grandpa Phil: Ha! Happy Halloween!
- After the lights around the water tower are lit to make it resemble an alien mothership, Arnold wonders if the radio show he did with Gerald scared anybody.
- Stinky inadvertently reveals to Helga that Arnold and Gerald's radio prank lead to her and her friends getting chased.
Helga: ARRNNOOOOOOOOOOOLLDDD!!!!!(cut to Arnold, Gerald, and Grandpa Phil in the Packard all the way across town)Arnold: Did you hear something just now, Gerald?Gerald: No.
- Principal Wartz practices a routine for giving himself up to alien rule.
Wartz: (loudly) I surrender! Hail conquering heroes from outer space! (softly to himself) Oh, yeah, that's good. That's good, very good. Make friends right away, good. (continuing) Please, please don't hurt me, my liege. I come bearing gifts.
- Big Bob tells Principal Wartz to join his effort to save humans.
Big Bob: Either you grow a spine pronto and join the fight for the human race, or I'll send you home to Mrs. Wartz in a chocolate box.Wartz: I'm with you all the way. (chanting) Go, humans, go! Go, humans, go! Fight, fight, fight!Bib Bob: Oh, just sit down and shut up.
- Douglas Cain (voiced by Maurice LaMarche) reports on the aftermath of the hoax when Big Bob cuts him off.
Douglas Cain: And as the whole wild affair is exposed as a ridiculous hoax, I can assure you that Douglas Cain...Big Bob: (interrupting) is a big, pompous windbag. Let's all go home and get some sleep. Whadda ya say?
41A The Aptitude Test
- Mr. Simmons hands out the career aptitude tests to the fourth graders. Helga isn't too thrilled about it.
Mr. Simmons: I took this test when I was your age, and that's when I discovered my lifelong passion for teaching.Helga: Criminy, what a throw pillow.Stinky: Hope I get the job what comes with a uniform and a big paper hat.Helga: Stinky, you're an idiot.
- Mr. Simmons doesn't want Harold eating during the test.
Mr. Simmons: Harold, put your liverwurst sandwich away now, or I'll be forced to take it away.Harold: (whining) But I'm hungry.Mr. Simmons: Now, Harold! (Harold puts the sandwich back into the brown paper bag, folds his arms, frowns, and pouts.)
- With a bored facial expression, Harold circles "E" for all the answers. Then, the clock shows 12:00 P.M. (noon) and the bell rings.
Harold: Lunch time! Yeah! (He hands his test to Mr. Simmons and runs out of the classroom.)
- Eugene collects the test results for the other students, and ends up dropping them because of the weight. When picking them up off the floor, he accidentally switches the answer sheets for Harold and Helga.
- Harold is pushing on a door that says "PULL" when Helga and Phoebe walk by discussing possible aptitude test results for both of them.
Helga: And Harold here... (Harold grunting) Harold will become a doorman, if he can ever master the technique.(Harold continues grunting as Helga and Phoebe walk through the right-side door. Helga comes back, pokes him on the shoulder 3 times, points to the "PULL" sign, and leaves.)Harold: (pronouncing) Pu—ull. Pull. I get it! (He pulls the door handle and the door hits his face, knocking him backwards.) Ow!
- The fourth graders in Mr. Simmons' class laugh at Harold for having excellent test results.
- Helga finds out she has her test result as woods-person and asks if anybody else had the same thing. Brainy responds with, "Uh, I did."
- Helga uses a stick to hit a pinecone in the park with a golf swing. The pinecone smacks Eugene's head, knocking him down.
- Harold's parents are proud of his test results, but he's thinking of something else.
Jerry: It's a bright and beautiful future, Harold.Harold: I know, there's gonna be cake.
- Helga tries to catch a rabbit in the park with a carrot using a Box-and-Stick Trap. The rabbit makes off with the carrot. Helga places her head under the box and it falls down.
Helga: (echoing) 'Tain't so easy as it looks.
- Helga makes a pinecone look like a turkey.
Helga: (sarcastically) This really helps to pass the time. Oh yeah, the hours just go flying by when you reduce the scope of your entire world to all the stuff you can make out of a crummy pinecone! (She throws the turkey-shaped pinecone into a pile of other ones she made.)
- Helga finds out she is smart after all. Helga's glad her poems and diaries weren't thrown away, but then she sees her mom Miriam dumping them into the fireplace and shrieks loudly.
- Helga's shriek transitions to Harold yelling from finding out he's not as smart as he thought he was.
Harold: I'm dumb as a rock! I'm dumb as a bag of hammers!Mr. Simmons: No, you still don't understand. You didn't actually take the test, Harold. You answered every question by filling in E: "Take a hike in the woods."
- Helga's shriek transitions to Harold yelling from finding out he's not as smart as he thought he was.
- When Simmons finds out he mixed up Harold and Helga's tests, he cries, "Oh, my word, I've made a terrible mistake! Innocent children's lives are hanging in the balance!"
41B Oskar Gets a Job
- Suzie Kokoshka arrives home to the boarding house room Oskar and her reside in, carrying groceries. She puts them away while Oskar sits in a recliner, eating from an ice cream bucket. They have a discussion about money.
Suzie: I gave you $100 2 days ago.Oskar: Suzie, you know I had to use it to pay the phone bill.Suzie: Oskar, they cut off our phone service this morning.Oskar: I know, it's a terrible mistake; we should sue.Suzie: Oh, Oskar, that just doesn't make any sense.Oskar: Tell me about it. So, can I have the $50?Suzie: I don't have $50. We've already spent my paycheck this week.Oskar: (grabs a pickle from the refrigerator) What about your overtime? (eats the pickle)Suzie: I work 20 hours a week overtime, already. How many more hours do you want me to work?!Oskar: How about 25?Suzie: (madly) OSKAR! (She slams the refrigerator door shut)
- Oskar tell Ernie Potts he loves him and asks for a hug. Then he asks Ernie for money.
Oskar: Well, you should be more careful next time before you go around judging people. (walks away, then comes back) Oh, by the way, could I borrow 50 bucks?Ernie: (angrily) You're a bum, Kokoshka, a lousy bum! You'll never change.Oskar: Yeah, okay, so how about the 50? (Ernie slams the door on Oskar) Ehhh.
- After Oskar is denied money from Ernie, he knocks on Mr. Hyunh's door.
Oskar: Mr. Hyunh, how's my fellow immigrant good buddy, huh? How's it going?Mr. Hyunh: (strictly) You no get—any money from me! (wags his left index finger) You're no good, Oskar. No good at all! (he slams the door)
- Grandpa Phil opens his door and sees Oskar. He shouts "Grandpa!" and the door is slammed on Oskar a third time.
- After Oskar is denied money from Ernie, he knocks on Mr. Hyunh's door.
- Oskar, desperate for money, tries to take quarters from the boarding house washing machines. Arnold sees him doing that and is stopped.
- Oskar's alarm clock, set for the time of 4:00 A.M. (when he has to deliver the newspapers), goes off. He chucks it out the open bedroom window and it lands in a garbage can, causing a cat to screech.
- As Arnold delivers newspapers for Oskar's first day, he goes to a house with a small barking dog. The dog chases Arnold out through the gate, but is pulled back by the leash.
- Arnold does Oskar's job again. The dog breaks free from the leash and chases Arnold on the sidewalk.
- Oskar gives Arnold another reason for why he can't deliver newspapers. In response, Arnold tells him off.
Arnold: That's it! I'm tired of all your excuses.Oskar: Arnold, you seem a little cranky. Maybe you should take a nap.Arnold: Look, I only helped you because you said you were desperate. You said you wanted to change. I guess I was wrong. Mr. Kokoshka, I'm sorry, but you are a huge loser.(Arnold walks upstairs as Oskar stands still, looking dumbfounded.)
- Ernie and Mr. Hyunh discuss how bad Oskar is as a human, then agree to go watch Arnold's grandma use the vacuum cleaner.
- As Oskar decides to do his job of delivering newspapers, a few things happen to him.
- 1.) He trips and knocks over the bicycle.
- 2.) He throws a newspaper into a tree, climbs up the tree to get it back, and falls down.
- 3.) The dog that chased Arnold bites Oskar in the butt, causing him to run and whimper.
- Ernie challenges Oskar to do his (Oskar's) job again the next day.
Oskar: Oh yeah? Well, I show you. I'll do it tomorrow, and maybe even the next day!Ernie: I'll bet you 10 bucks you don't, Kokoshka.Oskar: Make it 20; put your money where your mouth is.Ernie: 21.Oskar: What do you mean 21? Why don't we make it a hundred? (FIN)
42A Curly Snaps
- The school bell rings and Arnold has to collect the kickballs.
Arnold: Okay, recess is over. Let's go, balls in. (He gets pelted with kickballs.)
- Arnold sees Curly doing nothing in the cafeteria at lunch time.
Arnold: Curly's acting a little strange today.Gerald: Today? He's strange every day.
- Using the hatch above Principal Wartz's door to his office, Curly makes a reference to Stanley Kubrick's film (from 1980) loosely based on Stephen King's novel called The Shining.
- Curly hits Stinky with a kickball.
Stinky: Hey! What'd you do that for?
- Curly hits Mr. Simmons with a kickball. Principal Wartz states what he will do to solve the conflict.
Wartz: I'll handle this, Simmons. This boy is obviously disturbed. I'm gonna ram the door, grab the kid, get him in a headlock...
- Curly demands 2 Yahoo sodas and a meatball sub to be delivered by Arnold. Gerald sarcastically tells him, "Congratulations."
- Mr. Simmons wants to be sensitive towards the situation with Curly. Principal Wartz believes different.
Wartz: Look, we're dealing with a dangerous element here.Arnold: It's just Curly, Principal Wartz. (Eugene walks towards Arnold & stands next to him.) And they're just kickballs. They're not dangerous.(Via the hatch, Curly smacks Eugene with a kickball.)Eugene: Ow!
- The ball monitor situation is resolved. Helga gives her reason for what was learned.
Mr. Simmons: I think we all learned a valueable lesson here today.Helga: Yep. Don't ever trust the quiet ones. They'll go bonkers and hole up in the principal's office.
- Curly starts to walk back to Mr. Simmons' classroom, but Principal Wartz grabs Curly's arm and takes him someplace else.
Wartz: All right, son. Come with me.Curly: Hey! Where are you taking me? I thought we worked it all out! Remember Principal Wartz, sensitivity!Wartz: HA! I'll give you sensitivity. I'll give you a week's worth of sensitivity every day after school.(They both go inside Wartz's office; the door is locked)Curly: Hey! I'm not supposed to be in detention! Come on, I'll die if I'm in detention! NOOOOO! Come on, I'M THE BALL MONITOR! (barks like a dog) (FIN)
42B Pre-Teen Scream
- Eugene, Rhonda, and Sheena all drop their letters for the radio contest into the mailbox. This is followed by Principal Wartz doing the same thing.
Wartz: (praying) Oh, please, oh please, oh please, let me win this contest. I wrote my best stuff. I really hope this is gonna work out. Amen.
- At the Civic Auditorium, everyone in the audience is excited to see Ronnie Matthews, except Helga is busy munching on popcorn instead.
- YMMV for Ronnie Matthews' song "I Saw Your Face and Wow" having cheesy lyrics.
Ronnie: ♪ I saw your face and WOW! Right then I took a vow. That we'd be together, girl, just you and me. That's the meaning of eternity.Backup Singers: note I saw, I saw your face,Ronnie: and WOW!note I nearly had a cow. And when we're together, babe, it's plain to see. The cosmic power of our energy. ♪
- Ronnie Matthews quickly glances over the diner menu, then hands it back it to the waitress.
Ronnie: I will have the most expensive thing on this menu. I can do that, you know.
- Helga's makes a stunned facial expression when Ronnie Matthews reveals the truth to Phoebe and her about him not writing the lyrics or the music to his songs.
43A Stinky Goes Hollywood
- The auditions at the open casting calls for the Yahoo soda spokesperson are all different.
Director: Action.Campfire Lass: (Scottish accent) Yahoo soda. Just dr-r-r-r-rink it.Director: Next!Rhonda: (seductively) Yahoo soda. Just... drink it.Director: Next!Helga: (bossily) Yahoo soda. Just drink it.Director: Next!Arnold: (plainly) Yahoo soda. Just drink it.Director: Next!Harold: Uh... Yahoo soda. (microphone feedback shrieks) What is it again?Director: Number 248.(Oskar Kokoshka is dressed in blue overall shorts, a red bow tie, and a blue and white beanie hat. He's also holding a big magenta colored lollipop in his right hand.)Oskar: Drink Yahoo soda, it's really great. I'm telling you it's the best soda, okay?Director: How old are you?Oskar: I'm 7 years old. I'm a little kid, see?Director: Next! (Oskar groans)
- Stinky hopes he can remember all the words the director wants him to say for the first commercial. Arnold tells him he will be okay.
Director: (through a megaphone) All right, people. Let's put one down.Arnold: I think that means they're ready to start filming. Break a leg.Stinky: Why would I want to do that? (rimshot)
43B Olga Gets Engaged
- Olga announces to Big Bob and Miriam her plans to marry a guy she met, drop out of college, and move to a big city. Her parents are upset, but Helga is giddy about it.
Miriam: No Olga, don't make the same mistake I made. (Bob gives her a surprised look)Helga: (enthusiastically) Gee, Olga, this is great news. When can we meet him? (she grins evilly)
- Olga says she has known Doug Lechat for 3 weeks and 2 days. Big Bob doesn't understand why they need to be married so quickly.
Big Bob: So then, what's the stinkin' rush all about? Get married in a year, if you still want to.Miriam: (drooly) You won't want to.
- After discovering Olga's fiancι is a fraud and a liar, Helga envisions how miserable Olga's life will be with him as they recite part of Romeo and Juliet at the dinner table.
- Helga saves her sister from marrying Doug the con-artist. And she is absolutely appalled that she's doing it.
Helga: I was so close to getting rid of her! So close!
44A Crabby Author
- Arnold wants a few words from Agatha Caufield for his favorite writer report.
Agatha: All right. I'll give you a few words. (loudly) BEAT IT! SCRAM! VAMOOSE! Stay away from my house and stay away from me! (she slams the front door)
- Arnold asks a second question to Agatha when she allows him to talk to her.
Arnold: Is your writing based on personal experience?Agatha: (sarcastically) Oh, sure. I spent all my magic days in a happy little house by a drippy doodle dairy, and it's full of angels and magic genies and fairy dust, heh. (non-sarcastic) HOLY CRACKERS! What a stupid question. Writers make things up. It's all a lot of doo-doo.
44B Rich Kid
- Harold laughs as he runs through piles of mud at school.
Harold: (to Lorenzo's mother) Look at me! I'm all muddy and I smell! (continues laughing)
- Lorenzo's cells phone rings and he answers it as Mr. Simmons is talking.
Mr. Simmons: Uh, Lorenzo, we don't allow phones in this classroom.Lorenzo: But, it's a call. I have to take it. (other students laugh at him)
- Lorenzo panics because his limo driver Peter is running 3 to 3½ minutes late and his personal schedule will be messed up. Arnolds tries to make him calm down.
Arnold: Wait. Slow down, Lorenzo. You sound like you're 30 years old.Lorenzo: Oh, thank you.Arnold: No. See, that wasn't a compliment.
- When playing baseball in the street,note Lorenzo picks up the ball and throws it into a garbage can.
- Helga, Sid, Stinky, Gerald, Harold, Arnold, and Lorenzo (in that order, left to right) are lying down on the grass in the park, observing the shapes of clouds in the sky. Lorenzo gives a literal answer.
Gerald: (pointing) A guy in a chef's hat.Harold: A Mr. Fudgie.Arnold: A Scottish terrier.(Beat)Lorenzo: Rising cumulonimbus formations?(Gerald, Harold, and Arnold sit up and look at him.)
- At the pier, Lorenzo throws a rock at an (off-screen) boat with glass and the glass breaks. The kids run away while Lorenzo just stands there, forcing Arnold to run back and grab him.
- The kids get popsicles from the Jolly Olly Man. Harold consumes his frozen treat a certain way.
Harold: Yeah, I like to eat 'em in one bite. (chomps down the whole popsicle and is startled) Ahh! Ahh! Brain freeze! I hate this! (his friends laugh as he gets up and starts running) Ahh, it hurts! Mommy!
- At the dump, Harold walks across a pipe hovering over a big mud pile.
Harold: (taunting) Come on, ya big bunch of wussy babies! (He laughs, then loses his balance) Oh, whoa, whoa! (kids laugh)
45A Helga Blabs It All
- Under the influence of laughing gas, Helga spins around in the dentist's chair several times and crashes to the floor.
- Still influenced by laughing gas, Helga leaves a message for Arnold (regarding how she loves him) on the answering machine at the boarding house. The gas wears off. Helga, realizing what she's done as people are laughing at her, shrieks loudly. Cut to Arnold and Gerald walking towards the boarding house.
Arnold: Did you hear something just now?Gerald: No.
- Arnold opens the boarding house's front door. The animals run out and knock over the Checkers game Grandpa Phil and Oskar Kokoshka were playing.
- Helga decides to sneak into the boarding house by stealing the Campfire Lass' uniform.
- Mr. Hyunh wants to know what Helga is doing with the boarding house's main floor telephone.
Helga: (stammers) Oh, I was just checking to see if it's working correctly. I-I'm an intern at public phone school.Mr. Hyunh: Public phone school? What a crazy town!
- Helga sums up her situation quite nicely when half her class ends up in the boarding house.
Helga: Why doesn't everyone I know just show up so they can spend the rest of their lives in this hallway?!
- Stuck in an air vent as Arnold and his friends occupy the hallway, Helga calls for help with a cell phone.
Helga: Phoebe, it's Helga. Listen, this is the mother of all emergencies, so what I'm about to ask you, you should just do. And don't ask me why and don't say you're really not the kind of person that can actually do something like this and just do it! 'Kay?Caesar: (angrily) I don't know what you're talking about! Stop calling me! (hangs up, dial tone)Helga: Sorry.
- Phoebe bribes the Jolly Olly Man to park in front of the boarding house and give away ice cream for free to the boys.
Harold: Hey! That sounds like the Jolly Olly Man!Curly: He should be all the way across town at this hour. What a bizarre turn of events. (the boys go outside and get ice cream)
- Grandma Gertie tells Arnold about the message for him on the answering machine.
Grandma Gertie: Oh, yes, here it is. Helen of Troy. Yes, and Miss Troy wanted to tell you that she was selling a kind of passion fruit drink or something.Arnold: Huh?Gerald: Huh?Grandma Gertie: You know, I really don't like telephone solicitations. Why would you want to buy a soft drink over the phone, I ask ya? And you know, they always seem to call right at dinnertime.(Arnold and Gerald both shrug and run up to Arnold's bedroom.)
- The boys are shocked to see Helga enter Arnold's bedroom covered in dust via the retractable sofa. She quietly leaves with the answering machine tape.
Arnold: So, about the go-cart... (conversation resumes)
- The Campfire Lass and her friends chase Helga for stealing the uniform. (FIN)
45B Harold the Butcher
- Mr. Green catches Harold with the stolen ham. Harold says he did it because he was really, really hungry.
Mr. Green: (madly) That doesn't give you the right to steal from people. You understand that?!Harold: (bawling) NOOOOO! (runs away) MOMMY!Mr. Green: (to Arnold and Sid) I'm going to have to call his mommy.
- Harold stacks too many boxes of giblets on a moving cart. The boxes fall over and open.
Mr. Green: (frustrated) OH, for the love of Pete! NOW they're all dirty! Well, shovel 'em up and throw 'em out, Harold. An ounce of help, a pound of trouble.
- This is followed by Harold not knowing to keep sausage links away from the floor.
Harold: Ehh, where do you want these?Mr. Green: (furious) NO, NO, DON'T let 'em drag on the floor like that! PICK 'EM UP!(Harold slips on them, yelping)Harold: (bawling) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Help me! Ah, Ah! Mommy!(Mr. Green facepalms)
- This is followed by Harold not knowing to keep sausage links away from the floor.
- Harold stacks cans of foie gras in a weird way. They fall down.
- Harold gives a stunned facial expression when Mr. Green tells him he has worked in the butcher shop a whole week and is no longer needed to help.
46A Arnold Betrays Iggynote
- Eugene trips getting off the bus when it stops at P.S. 118.
- Sid randomly guesses exactly what Iggy was wearing, causing Arnold to stop.
- Sid: Well, come on. How bad could it be? I mean, it wasn't like he was wearing bunny pajamas or something?
46B Helga and the Nanny
- Helga finds out a nanny was hired by her dad.
Helga: (spits out her doughnut) A nanny? Ha! I don't need a nanny. I can take care of myself.Big Bob: Baloney. You're only 7.Helga: I'm 9, dad.
- Inge Perlmutter introduces herself to Helga and Miriam.
Inge: Good morning, everyone. I'm Inge. Oh, and you must be Helga.Helga: No, she's Helga, and I'm Toulouse-Lautrec.
- Inge doesn't believe Helga looks proper for going to school.
Helga: Hey lady, this is how I look every day. I am not going to school looking like some kind of starched and pressed wind-up doll.(Cut to P.S. 118)Stinky: Why, Helga. You look just like the girl on the box of hot chocolate.Helga: (bossily) Aw, put a sock in it, Stinky! You think I don't know that?
- After Arnold tells Helga the flowers in her hair look nice, her voice trembles. Brainy walks up behind Helga with his nasal breathing and she backhands him.
- Helga tells Phoebe over the phone how her dad will hate the foreign food Inge made for dinner. Turns out, Big Bob ends up loving it instead.
- When leaving the dinner table, Inge forces Helga to curtsey for her father. She does that, then waves her arms in a forward motion saying, "All hail the Beeper King!"
- Helga tries to get Inge in trouble by putting wood glue on Big Bob's living room chair, burning dinner in the oven, and putting her mom's antique tablecloth through the "Heavy Duty" cycle of the washing machine. All 3 times Inge solves the problem, much to Helga's frustration.
47A Dangerous Lumber
- Eugene was beaned with a baseball by Arnold. He rides by Arnold and Gerald on his bike and says "Oh, what a pretty sign."
47B Mr. Hyunh Goes Country
- Harold jamming to Mr. Hyun's song in the bathtub.
48A Arnold's Room
- When bouncing on a trampoline in Lorenz's bedroom, Sid crashes a remote-controlled helicopter into a model train rolling along an elevated track going around the room's perimeter.
- Sid startles Arnold at lunch in school; Arnold spills milk all over himself.
- Sid doesn't know what the remote in Arnold's bedroom does for the features in there. By pressing random buttons, he blasts heavy metal music, surfs different radio channels, rearranges the ceiling light fixtures, makes Arnold's alarm clock go off, and moves the retractable sofa back into the wall with him on it.
Sid: Wanna ride the couch?
- Arnold lets Sid borrows his room again, but Sid stills wants Arnold gone.
Sid: NO! You're out of the room, that's the plan. I mean, you should go out. Take an hour to clear your head. You've been working too hard. I know! Take in a movie. My treat. (hands Arnold money) Go on, have popcorn. Shoo!
- Sid rearranges Arnold's room again when Grandpa Phil knocks on the door with Lorenzo next to him.
Grandpa Phil: Your friend Loredo's here.Sid: Oh, thanks.Grandpa Phil: How'd you get rid of Arnold? Bribe him?Sid: (stammers) Grandpa, I don't know what you're talking about.Grandpa Phil: Grandpa? Wh- now, wait a minute. What's your name again?Sid: (to Lorenzo) He likes to joke. (ushers Grandpa Phil out of the room)Grandpa Phil: Eeeeehhh, well, don't mess anything up in this room or the short- (Sid shuts the door) man will have your head.Lorenzo: Who's the short man?Sid: Oh, um, he's referring to an imaginary leprechaun.
- Sid has Lorenzo leave Arnold's room by using the roof.
Lorenzo: This is a pretty weird place.
- As soon as Lorenzo and Sid go to the boarding house to get a CD they left behind, Grandpa Phil is immediately waiting for them, opening the door without them knocking.
Grandpa Phil: Oh, it's the "I promise I swear never again" kid. Well, go on up. Arnold's in his roomSid: (laughing) Oh, grandpa.Grandpa Phil: (scratches his head) Kid thinks I'm his grandpa.
48B Helga vs. Big Patty
- Helga's nightmare has her facing off against Patty in a boxing ring. Helga is much shorter and gets punched easily.
- Arnold tells Helga she should talk to Patty about what she said was based on herself not being fair. He then suggests Helga should be Patty's friend.
Helga: Arnold, are you forgetting something? (shouts) SHE HATES ME! She wants to beat the stuffing out of me! Tear me limb from limb!
- Stinky gives a reason for why the (alleged) fight took place inside and not on the playground.
Stinky: I reckon Big Patty figured it was too dang violent for us kids to watch.
49A Career Day
- The Jolly Olly Man stops his ice cream truck on the road for Peapod. Peapod asks for a snow cone. Arnold tries to help, but the Jolly Olly Man doesn't want him doing anything. After taking the money Peapod gave to Arnold away from Arnold, the Jolly Olly Man gets out of the back of the ice cream truck, climbs into the cab, and drives away with the tires screeching, leaving Peapod with nothing.
Peapod: Wait, where's my snow cone?
- The Jolly Olly Man is busy dealing with kids in the park who want ice cream. Amongst all the shouting by the kids, he throws a pink popsicle which lands on the ground in front of a boy.
Boy: Hey, you gave me strawberry. I wanted chocolate.Jolly Olly Man: We're outta chocolate. Take it or leave it, kid. Now which one of you munchkins wanted Italian ice?Boy with Glasses: Me, me! (holds up a $10 bill)Jolly Olly Man: YOU MUST BE KIDDING, JUNIOR! YOU GOTTA HAVE SOMETHING SMALLER THAN A 10! (He throws the money back, hitting the boy's face, then talks to Arnold.) YOU! (Arnold looks up) Put this back in the freezer. (he throws Arnold the Italian ice container)Arnold: But...Jolly Olly Man: (yelling) BUT NOTHING! I make the rules around here. I run the show. (he gets out of the back) Okay, let's go. (shuts the door)(Kids are shouting as they chase the ice cream truck which still has its right side doors open.)Arnold: Hey, stop the truck. Some kids are trying to catch up.Jolly Olly Man: Is that so? (He stops driving; the kids catch up. The Jolly Olly Man then shifts gears and drives away with the tires screeching again, laughing menacingly.)
- Helga talks to Vic and Morrie plus 2 other guys who are arrested for robbing a bank and are sitting in the back of a police truck.
Helga: Hope you boys like prison food, 'cause you'll be getting a lot of it. Ha ha ha! (she shuts the door)
- Arnold is shocked to hear the Jolly Olly Man's dad is going to fire him if his ice cream truck supply isn't gone by 6:00 P.M.
Jolly Olly Man: You don't know the half of it. 57 jobs and I've been fired from every one of 'em. (sobbing) WHY, why, why?!(He bangs his head on the left rear side of the ice cream truck each time he says "Why," leaving a big dent.)Jolly Olly Man: (moaning) AWWW, GREAT! That's gonna come outta my salary.
- Arnold helps the Jolly Olly Man be more polite to customers buying ice cream.
Arnold: (voiceover) Treat your customers with respect. Always say "please" and "thank you."Jolly Olly Man: Please take your crummy change and thanks for nothin'. (scene cut)Arnold: (voiceover) A positive attitude makes a big difference. Give your customers a friendly smile.(The Jolly Olly Man adjusts his face into a Slasher Smile, which makes 3 kids gasp and run away screaming.)
- The Jolly Olly Man believes his progress with Arnold means the ice cream supply in the truck is almost gone. He finds out that's not true.
Jolly Olly Man: (loudly) WE'VE BEEN SELLING OUR BRAINS OUT AND WE STILL GOT HALF A FREEZER FULL OF ICE CREAM?! AWWW... WE'LL NEVER GET RID OF ALL THIS BY SUNDOWN.
49B Hey Harold!
- Helga backhands Brainy after her soliloquy amongst herself at Rhonda's party.
50A Casa Paradiso
- Grandpa Phil complains about how the boarding house is always falling apart. Then Mr. Hyunh, Ernie Potts, and Oskar Kokoshka walk into the family room and give their complaints to Arnold and him.
Mr. Hyunh: Grandpa, you need to fix the toilet. It stinks very badly upstairs!Ernie: Hey gramps, some kid threw a ball through my window, and I want it fixed pronto, old man!Oskar: (partially overlapping Ernie's dialogue) Grandpa, the floor is covered with bugs. When are you going to spray and kill these vermits?Grandpa Phil: (loudly) STOP yellin' and making a fuss, will ya?! I'll fix everything and kill the bugs when I get done doin' all the other junk I have to do around this broken down dump!Ernie: What about my busted window? That's not gonna go away!Oskar: These horrible bugs will take over the whole house.Mr. Hyunh: When are you going to fix the toilet, Grandpa?!Ernie: Ix-nay on the toilet tay! (Grandpa Phil covers his ears as they argue)
- More complaining goes on at dinnertime, as rain water drips from the ceiling into the dining room.
Mr. Hyunh: The wallpaper in my room is peeling again.Ernie: So fix it yourself. You keep tellin' us how handy you are.Oskar: (his stomach growls) Oh Suzie, I have a cramp in my stomach from this terrible food.Ernie: Put a sock in it, Kokoshka! Everyday it's (mocking) "Oh Suzie, I got a cramp in my stomach." (normal) All you do is sit around and complain. (spits out his soup) Ugh! Can't we get any decent grub in this house?!Mr. Hyunh: What about my wallpaper?Ernie: All right with the wallpaper, Hyunh...
- More complaining goes on at dinnertime, as rain water drips from the ceiling into the dining room.
- In an attempt to change Grandpa Phil's mind about selling the boarding house, Arnold tells his grandpa what he is going to do with Ernie, Mr. Hyunh, and Oskar. They're going to fix Ernie's window and put up new wallpaper in Mr. Hyunh's room.
Grandpa Phil: (exaggerating) Oh, I see. Oh, that's very nice. You're all being polite and courteous and helpful. Almost like you care about each other. (he turns around, starts speaking seriously, and they gasp) WELL I DON'T BUY your act for a second, ya bunch of fakers! Come tomorrow, I'm signin' the contract and sellin' the boarding house, once and for all! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
- Suzie Kokoshka shows Grandpa Phil a slideshow.
Suzie: This is the first day Oskar and I moved into the boarding house. (Tne slide shows newlyweds Oskar and Susie moving in and Susie is the one carrying Oskar in a Bridal Carry.) See how happy we were?Ernie: That didn't last, did it?Arnold: (frowning) Shh!
- Grandpa Phil is mad Arnold doesn't want to leave for Casa Paradiso and chooses to stay with the boarding house residents.
Arnold: Don't you want to be a part of this family, grandpa?(Grandma Gertie walks up behind Grandpa Phil playing a ukulele.)Grandma Gertie: Home is where the family is, Phil.Grandpa Phil: (flabbergasted) What the-? Where'd you come from all of a sudden?! Now you're gonna make sense, is that it?! (sarcastic) Oh, great timing, Pookie.
50B Gerald's Tonsils
- Gerald tells Harvey that nothing is going to happen to his (Gerald's) voice. Then, there's a cut to Gerald getting his throat inspected at Dr. Steig's office.
- Arnold, Harold, Helga, and Sid are visiting Gerald in the hospital. Harold asks if Gerald is going to eat a big bowl of ice cream. Gerald shakes his head no and Harold gladly gobbles it down.
- In his bedroom, Gerald is practicing scales trying to make his voice sound better. A hobo on the street becomes very annoyed.
Hobo: (yelling) QUIET! (he throws a tomato at the window) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! (Gerald's dad Martin opens the door)Martin: Whoever that is, he's right, Gerald! Go to sleep, okay?!
- Gerald practices singing "Figaro" on a bridge which crosses a river. A kid rides by on a bicycle, laughs at Gerald's "crazy" voice when he has one himself, and crashes offscreen.
- Stinky was giving grief to Gerald about his voice being different ever since the tonsillectomy. After Gerald performs marvelously for his "Moonlight Bay" solo, Stinky tells Gerald how he always had faith in him and Gerald shoves Stinky into a garbage can.
51A Phoebe Takes the Fall
- Phoebe lets Helga win the individual trivia contest, so Helga gets to compete in the All-City Academic Competition. Therefore, Helga has to study for the contest, but she will need some help.
Helga: Well, now all I gotta do is memorize the big book of contest questions and answers so I win the big contest next week. (she sits down at a desk in her bedroom) This'll be a snap.Big Bob: (from the hallway) If you need any help, just holler. We can wake your mother up.Helga: (sarcastically) Yeah, like I really need anyone's help. (She opens the book and sees complex math equations. Helga blankly stares at the pages, then there's a Gilligan Cut to her knocking on Phoebe's front door.) Phoebe, I need your help.
- Phoebe falls asleep getting yogurt from the yogurt dispenser in the school cafeteria.
51B The Pig War
- Stinky asks Grandpa Phil what Pig War Day is.
Stinky: What's Pig War Day?Grandpa Phil: Only the infamous day when our fair city won its independence from those treacherous Redcoats.Sid: Who are the Redcoats?Grandpa Phil: The British!Sid: Oh, of course the British, yeah. — Who are the British?Grandpa Phil: What do they teach you kids in school nowadays?
- Grandpa Phil explains the history of the Pig War to Arnold and his friends. The kids ask what happened when the war broke out and he responds, "WE WON, ya ninnies!"
- For the reenactment, British team members are all wearing period appropriate attire. On the other hand, the Americans wear a wide assortment of inappropriate costumes (ex. Stinky wears a Confederate solder's uniform, Sid is dressed like Davy Crockett, and Harold looks like Rambo).
- The 2 teams representing the Americans and the British meet at Elk Island.
Rex Smythe-Higgins I: You're late, as usual.Grandpa Phil: Why, it's my arch-nemesis, Rex Smythe-Higgins.Arnold: And his grandson, Rex III.noteRSH I: And I believe by the rules in the Pig War charter, that gives us the right of first insult. Your costumes are atrocious.Rex Smythe-Higgins III: And your so-called pig looks malnourished. What do you feed the little runt?Arnold: (angrily) Hey! (Gerald holds him back; Rex III laughs)Grandpa Phil: Hey-ey, easy, man. This is the customary exchange of insults. However, that was 2 insults! According to the charter, that means we get 2 insults as well.Gerald: You walk like you got an umbrella in your pants. (weird rimshot)RSH I: Was that an insult?British Kid: (Liverpool accent) Aye, sir. I must have caught it. Yes, sir.RSH I: Hmm, very well, that's one.Grandpa Phil: And, you couldn't catch this pig if your life depended on it, ya broken-down old fossil! (American side kids agreeing)
- As the kids begin to chase Abner through the Elk Island forest, Rex Smythe-Higgins I is stopped by a low tree branch.
RSH I: Oh, curses! You there, minion. Cut short this foul hemlock which hath so offended me.British Kid: (Liverpool accent) Sorry, govnah. I don't understand when you talk all fancy like that.RSH I: Chop down the bloody tree, you idiot!
- Arnold demands Rex Smythe-Higgins III to give Abner back to him. He administers something else to Arnold instead.
Arnold: I'm serious, Rex. Give me the pig!RSH III: What I'll give you is a volley of rotten pomegranates and old cabbages. Here. (to his team members) You may fire when ready.(Arnold gasps as Rex III and his friends pelt Arnold with food while laughing and jeering.)
- The American team decides to sneak their way into Fort Porcero by constructing a wooden pig on wheels and hiding inside, similar to the Trojan Horse.
RSH I: Why in blazes did you wake me?RSH III: They seem to be surrendering, grandfather. They brought a gift, look.RSH I: Hmm, some kind of pig; clever that. (shouts) Halt! Who goes there?Grandpa Phil: (mutters) Ehh, who do you think, prune face? (yelling) It's the Americans!RSH I: Well, what do you want?Grandpa Phil: (exaggerating) We realize that we can't possibly win, and offer this gift as a token of our esteem to your vast superiority.RSH I: Oh, this is indeed sweet. Savor this, Rex [III]. The moment when your enemy comes to grovel. (shouts) Open the gate!British Kid: (Liverpool accent) Uh, sir, there's a uh, historical precedent to this, and I think we should consider...RSH I: Your job is not to consider. Your job is to blow the hunting horn. Is that clear? Open the gate.British Kid: (Liverpool accent) Aye, sir. (He pulls the lever to make the gate open.)(Grandpa Phil walks in, dragging the wooden pig.)Arnold: (inside the wooden pig) Ready?(The kids break out, yelling war cries. The British Kid extends his arms and hands out, as if to tell Rex Smythe-Higgins I "See? I tried to warn you.")
52A Best Man
- Arnold, Helga, and Stinky are discussing the baseball game they just played with their other friends.
Helga: Why'd you have to bunt, Arnold? Wolfgang threw you a cream puff. You coulda knocked it outta the park.Stinky: I reckon it was the right play, Helga. Iggy was on third. He was the go-ahead run.Arnold: Sometimes you have to make a sacrifice so the team can win.Helga: Well, that's a great theory, football head. Except for one thing: (shouts) We LOST!
- "Coach" Jack Wittenberg (voiced by James Belushi) tells Arnold he is re-marrying his wife Tish for a second time on Saturday. He wants Arnold to be his Best Man. Arnold asks him why.
Jack: Well, a guy's Best Man is supposed to be his best friend, right? When I made a list of all my friends, I came to one conclusion.Arnold: What's that?Jack: I don't have any. Except you, Arnie.
- Tish Wittenberg informs Helga about Arnold being Jack's Best Man. Helga then has an imagine spot of her marrying Arnold, accompanied with joyful organ music.
Minister: Do you, Helga, take Arnold as your lawfully wedded husband?Helga: I do. I do. I do! Oh, I do!Tish: You do what? (Record Needle Scratch)Helga: Huh?Tish: Why are you screaming, "I do, I do."?Helga: (slowly) Um, because I do agree to be your Maid of Honor. (she giggles nervously)
- At Tux-R-Us (a tuxedo rental place), Arnold, Gerald, Sid, and Stinky are wearing tuxedos needed for the wedding, making sure they fit properly.
Sid: We look like undertakers.Stinky: (in front of a tall mirror) I like it. I reckon I'm gonna keep it over a couple extra days, and wear it to school on Monday.Sid: Stinky, you're a weird kid.Stinky: I know, but I look snazzy. (Cut to Helga in a bridal shop wearing a big pink dress with white lace)Helga: I look like a moron.
- Helga tells Tish how she hates mushy stuff related to feeling goofy inside for some guy and that she will never get married. Then she stands in front of the mirror and goes back to her vision of marrying Arnold, with more organ music.
Helga: I do. I do, I do. I do, I do!Tish: Do what? (Record Needle Scratch) Why are you screaming, "I do, I do."?Helga: (slowly) Because I do really love this dress. (she giggles nervously again)
- Inside a jewelry shop, Arnold is helping Jack pick out a wedding ring for Tish.
Jack: That's the one. (pointing) The one with the real big diamond.Arnold: It's $6,000.Jack: Uh, I meant the one ne-next to it with the real small cubic zirconium.Arnold: That's $450.(Jack sweats and groans. Then there's a cut to him standing outside a candy store next to a gumball machine with rings inside.)Jack: This is the one. (inserts a quarter and gets a ring)Arnold: (deadpan) That's 25 cents, coach.Jack: Perfect! Tish'll love it.
- Jack and Tish challenge each other in competition. The montage includes eating food, arm wrestling, thumb wrestling, paper football field goals, flinging cherries into glasses of water with a spoon, and jump-rope jumping.
- Helga catches the bouquet thrown by Tish. She smiles thinking about Arnold, swoons, and falls to the floor of the church.
Arnold: (lifts Helga up) Helga, are you all right?Helga: (dreamily) I do, I do. I do, oh, I do... (opens her eyes) not want you to ever touch me again, football head!Arnold: Uh, okay. (he drops her)
52B Cool Party
- Phoebe gives the definition of "geek" to the other kids who weren't invited to Rhonda's cool party. They have a conversation about it.
Phoebe: Oliver's dictionary of American slang defines geek as a circus performer whose job is to bite the head off a live chicken for the audience's amusement.Harold: (disgusted) Bite the head off a chicken?Eugene: Well, that's totally unfair. None of us bite off chicken heads — except Curly.Curly: Yeah! And that was just the one time! (kids all agree)Sid: I'm actually kinda mad about this geek list, you know?Eugene: It hurts when this kind of thing happens.Harold: Yeah! We got (shoves Eugene away, he yelps) feelings, too. I bet Rhonda thinks I'm a geek because I'm FAT AND LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS!Curly: And I'll be she thinks I'm a geek 'cause my dad cuts my hair with a bowl!Sid: I bet she thinks I'm a geek because of my huge nose.Stinky: It's not that huge, Sid.Sid: Thanks, Stinky. But you're just saying that because you have the biggest honker in the whole city — no offense.Stinky: None taken.
- After Arnold leaves Rhonda's cool party, he meets up with Gerald. Gerald tells Arnold that he lied about having plans that night, then offers a suggestion of what to do next.
Gerald: You wanna go throw rocks at Helga throwing rocks at a dumpster?Arnold: Sure.
- The group thinks of ways to get back at Rhonda. Curly offers a completely bizarre suggestion.
Harold: I say we all go over and crash Rhonda's party and eat all of her food! (kids shout "Yeah!")Helga: Well, I say we get a carload of horse manure and leave it on her porch! (kids shout "Yeah!" again)Curly: I say we paint ourselves with tiger stripes, and go free all the animals at the zoo!(Arnold, Gerald, Helga, Stinky, Harold, and Eugene all stare at him)Curly: Hooray! (he laughs maniacally and runs away)Helga: Poor twisted little freak.
- Park and Peapod ditch Rhondas cool party (so they can go to Arnolds geek party) through the means of Peapod faking a headache.
Park: Something's goin' on at Arnold's.Peapod: It looks like some kind of bizarre, out-of-control happening.Park: Whatever it is, it looks a lot more fun than this.Peapod: Here, here good fellow. Let's bid a hasty retreat. (to Rhonda and Nadine) Um, Rhonda, I'm terribly, terribly, terribly sorry. My headache has actually grown worse, and I fear I must take my leave.Park: Yeah, I'd better go with him, too. You know, make sure he's okay. Thanks for the toast points. (they leave, Rhonda frowns) Come on, lets go to Arnolds. (Peapod shuts Rhonda's front door)Peapod: I hear you on that one.
- Park and Peapod run by Wolfgang and Edmund on their way to the boarding house.
Wolfgang: Hey, fourth grader. What's goin' on? (Park and Peapod briefly stop)Park: Party at Arnold's house! (Peapod and him continue running to the party.)Wolfgang: (to Edmund) Come on, let's go.Edmund: But Wolfgang, they're fourth graders. If we went, wouldn't we be uncool?Wolfgang: No.Edmund: Why not?Wolfgang: Because, uh, we are so cool that even if we go to an uncool party, we'll still be cool.Edmund: Wow, Wolfgang. You're really smart.Wolfgang: Duh... Come on. (Edmund laughs) Let's go.
- At Arnold's geek party, Gerald slides under the limbo stick and bumps into a dancing Eugene, who crashes into the punch bowl and falls to the roof's floor, saying "I'm okay." He gets up and spins the punch bowl on his head.
- After Rhonda is accepted into the geek party, Curly is seen riding a giraffe which is part of a stampede of zoo animals.
Curly: (maniacal laughter) Free the animals! (more maniacal laughter) (FIN)
53A Sid's Revenge
- Sid's overreaction to his belief that Principal Wartz is dead and its all his fault.
Arnold: Let's talk about this rationally.Sid: Okay, Arnold. Rationally. But remember...I KILLED PRINCIPAL WARTZ!
- Principal Wartz gives Sid detention for carving his likeness out of soap for a voodoo ritual. What results is a classic Here We Go Again.
- Sid goes to the police to turn himself in; they laugh him out of the station.
53B Roller Coaster
- When the Dino Land worker allows the group to talk to Arnold and Eugene through his megaphone:
Sid: Hey Arnold! Didn't I tell you Eugene was the living jinx?Stinky: Yeah and you said you were going to prove that he weren't! Told ya!Harold: Can you see my house from there?Dino Land Worker: (taking away the megaphone) Give me that!
54A Grandpa's Birthday
- Arnold's grandpa thinks he finally passed away.
Grandpa Phil: I must be in Heaven now. (opens his eyes, sees Oskar Kokoshka) Oh no! Oskar's here! This must be the other place!
54B Road Trip
55A Arnold & Lila
55B Grand Prix
- Eugene and Sid arguing over what name should be given to the rebuilt go-kart.
Eugene: (paints one final section of the go-kart) All finished. What do you think?Arnold: I can't believe we let you talk us painting it purple.Eugene: It's not purple, Arnold. It's mauve!Sid: Whatever. We're still calling it "The Dark Avenger".Eugene: But, Sid. Look at it! Its "The Mauve Storm".Sid: "The Dark Avenger".Eugene: "The Mauve Storm".Sid: "The Dark Avenger".Stinky: I got it! How about "The Mauve Avenger"?(cut to Sid, then Eugene, then Arnold)Arnold: Stinky, we are not calling our go-kart "The Mauve Avenger". (Gilligan Cut) I cannot believe we called our go-kart "The Mauve Avenger".
- Phoebe laughs maniacally while driving.
56 Arnold's Thanksgiving
57A Girl Trouble
- Grandpa Phil relates how he used to be picked on by a girl in grade school the same way Helga picks on Arnold.
Arnold: That's exactly what I've been going through, Grandpa.Grandpa Phil: Uncanny, isn't it Arnold?
57B School Dance
58A Helga's Show
- Helga does some pretty spot on impressions of her classmates, which offends them. Phoebe suggests she do something more positive, so she writes her a REALLY CORNY poem complimenting her classmates in PAINFUL, PAINFUL rhyme. Plus, the music that plays while she's reading it.
Helga: Curly, now there's an original kid. (weird rimshot noise)
- Mr. Simmons being completely oblivious to Helga's impression of him.
58B The Flood
- Helga is trying to escape, but then she runs into Principal Wartz who was just dancing in the halls with a sombrero, poncho, and maracas.
Wartz: Are you attempting to leave school grounds without permission, Miss Pataki?Helga: (Deadpanned) Are you attempting to dance The Flamenco, Principal Wartz?(long pause)Wartz: This moment never happened.Helga: Gotcha.(both walk past each other)
- Curly's tribal dance in the art supply room.
- Stinky's question when Mr. Simmons falls into several feet of water: "I wonder who our new teacher's gonna be?"
59 School Play
- All of Mr. Hyunh's scenes.
Mr. Hyunh: I will help you Arnold!Arnold: You, Mr. Hyunh?Mr. Hyunh: YES! I am very dramatic! (strikes a pose)Grandpa Phil: That's a polite word for what you are. (rimshot)
- Another moment, courtesy of Oskar and Mr. Hyunh in drag:
Mr. Hyunh: Why do you always have to cheat, Oskar! Why can't you act like a normal person?Oskar: Me? What about you? You're wearing a dress!Mr. Hyunh: That is to help Arnold! I'm Juliet!Oskar: You're not Juliet. You're a sad man wearing a dress!
- Another moment, courtesy of Oskar and Mr. Hyunh in drag:
60 Parents Day
61A Eugene's Birthday
61B Stinky's Pumpkin
- Stinky complaining that he tries to taxidermy a squirrel but it went wrong.
Father: Squirrel's got to be dead.
- Stinky's father, seeing his hard work to grow something in their garden, hands his grandfather's "magic" hoe over to him.
Stinky: Pa, why didn't you give to me while I was plowing the whole backyard with a dang soup ladle?Father: I needed it to prop up the kitchen table.(Cut to his uncle carving a turkey on the kitchen table, only for it to collapse)Stinky: Oh.
- The part that shows Stinky tending his growing pumpkin plan through harsh weather, including heavy rain, a heat wave, and a spring snowstorm.
Father: Strange weather we're havin'. Rain and drought and snow.Stinky: (while using a heater to keep his plant warm) And all in the same dang week!
62A Dinner for Four
- Arnold wants Helga to go back to Chez Paris and come clean about the dinner fiasco.
Helga: Look, I am not going to go in there and tell them the truth and wind up washing dishes. (Gilligan Cut) I can't believe I told them the truth and I wound up washing dishes!
62B Phoebe Skips
63A Full Moon
- Principal Wartz is trying to get Arnold to state who mooned him (Wartz), but Arnold won't because he's not a snitch. Wartz tells a story of how in school he tattled on some classmates and could Never Live It Down, essentially destroying his social life. He states that he didn't care what anyone else thought of him, because he knew he had done the right thing. And in the end, he became an elementary school principal.
Wartz: ...Wouldn't you like to be an elementary school principal?Arnold: (Unimpressed) Not really.(Wartz's eyes pop open with a comical 'boing!')
- Principal Wartz's "Mooning is Not Funny" video.
- Harold's sad clown motif playing when he finally confesses.
63B Student Teacher
64A Big Gino
64B Jamie O in Love
65A The Beeper Queen
- Arnold sees Helga with a melted ice cream cone in her hand and asks her what's wrong. She starts a passionate speech about her mom, gesticulating fiercely with the ice cream still in her hand. After she finishes, the camera cuts to Arnold, who is splattered all over with chocolate ice cream.
- Miriam's cheerful "I'll see you in court" response to a client who's ticked because he can't return his beepers.
65B Oskar Can't Read?
- Oskar reading Pet the Kitty over and over at the end. Ernie responds with, "I'll make you eat the pretty kitty!" (FIN)
66A Headless Cabbie
66B Friday the 13th
67A Helga's Parrot
- A parrot mimics a love poem for Arnold that Helga recites in her sleep and she spends the episode trying to stop Arnold from hearing it. She tracks him down to the pet store but covers to say she's buying a monitor lizard. Unfortunately for her, the woman behind the counter is relieved to get rid of it and plops the giant reptile into Helga's arms. Then theres a Gilligan Cut to Helga leaving the lizard with Phoebe for the night. And the next day when she limps into school, Phoebe is holding the lizard on a leash in the middle of the class.
- Helga is also forced by circumstance to spend the night hidden in Arnold's room. When he starts to get undressed for bed, Helga tries to cover her eyes. But she can't resist a peak and falls backwards smiling.
67B Chocolate Turtles
68A Love and Cheese
68B Weighing Harold
- The weight-loss cruise commercial shows a "caring health counselor" introducing himself: "Hi, I'm Counselor Skip, and I care." Meanwhile, a kid is flailing in the pool in the background.
- Arnold goes to visit Harold, who is locked up in his room, too embarrassed to come out.
Harold's dad: Harold, there's someone here to see you.Harold: (from inside his room) Go away.Harold's dad: (long pause) It's the pizza man.(stomping is heard from inside and Harold excitedly opens the door, only to frown in disappointment)Harold: Aww gee...
69A It Girl
69B Deconstructing Arnold
- Helga advises Rhonda to act attracted to her Stalker with a Crush, Curly, assuming this sudden reversal will drive him away. Hilarity Ensues.
70A Grudge Match
- There's the moment where Grandpa Phil wins the golf match by hitting a birdie (one under par) on the last hole.
Arnold: You did it, grandpa.Grandpa Phil: What? What did I do? I'm not wearing my glasses.Arnold: You birdied!Grandpa Phil: Oh, I hit a birdie. That's terrible!Arnold: No, you won!Grandpa Phil: Oh, that's wonderful! How's the bird?
70B Polishing Rhonda
71 Veterans Day
- Grandpa Phil's... embellished version of his service in WWII. He fought Hitler & gave him a wedgie! See it here.
72A Back to School
- Arnold asks Grandpa Phil where he's going in the evening with two sixth grade girls.
Grandpa Phil: We're gonna sneak into a rated PG-13 movie.Arnold: But you're 81! You can get into a PG-13 movie anytime!
72B Egg Story
73A Weird Cousin
- Arnold becomes annoyed from Stinky blabbering on about how Lila likes Arnie a lot and says: "Stinky...shut up."
Stinky: What'd I say?
73B Baby Oskar
- Susie yelling at Oskar for not helping out around the house, especially this line.
Susie: You expect everyone to take care of you.Oskar: I don't expect everyone to take care of me, just you.
- Oskar wants Susie to make him a sandwich.
- Oskar getting beaned with an angry senior citizen's crutch.
74A Helga Sleepwalks
74B Fighting Families
- While tensions between Arnold's family and neighbors rise up.
Ernie: Gramps stepped on my toe!
Grandpa Phil: I did not! This is stepping on your toe! (STOMP)
75B Buses, Bikes, and Subways
- YMMV, but Helga's tirade to Harold is downright HILARIOUS.
- Chocolate Boy licking himself, then sniffing Mr. Simmons like a dog. Made funnier by the fact that at the time, Simmons has him on a leash outside the chocolate factory gates.
- Simmons fainting on Helga's porch when he realizes Helga and Harold are okay.
76A Grandpa's Sister
76B Synchronized Swimming
77A Helga's Masquerade
77B Mr. Green Runs
78 Helga on the Couch
- After another unexpected encounter with Arnold, Helga walks into an alley where Brainy (once again) is waiting for her. She proceeds to call him out on it.
Helga: Look, Brainy, this is just weird. How is it that you're standing behind me again? How did you get in this little arch? Were you waiting for me to come to this alley? What's your deal?
79 Dino Checks Out
80 Summer Love
81A Sid the Vampire Slayer
81B Big Sis
82A Gerald's Game
82B Fishing Trip
- Harold complains about the fishing trip inside the boys' tent after the group was only able to eat canned beans for supper.
Harold: This trip stinks!(Gerald waves his hand in front of his face)Gerald: In more ways than one.
- The smell of multiple farts coming from both tents rises up to the trees above, where an owl perched on a tree branch dies from the smell and falls out of the tree. Grandpa Phil notices the dead bird lying on the ground the next morning.
Grandpa Phil: Aww, look. A dead owl. BREAKFAST!
- Sid gets a fish from the river caught on his nose. His dad manages to remove the fish and throws it back into the water. Since the group of men and boys havent had any success in catching fish, Sids dad gets glared at by the other dads.
Sids Dad: Did I just throw that fish in the river?
- Eugene's oblivious reaction to Harold's scary story.
83A Bag of Money
83B Principal Simmons
84A New Bully on the Block
84B Phoebe Breaks a Leg
85A Stuck in a Tree
- There are two funny lines from Harold: "Arnold and Eugene stuck in a tree! S-T-U-K in a tree! Hahaha! You're so stupid!" and "Two nickels? That's fifteen cents!"
- The Imagine Spot where all the boys are in their eighties and still stuck in the tree.
- When Chocolate Boy leaves to go get help:
Harold: He's not coming back is he?Arnold: Nope.
85B Rhonda Goes Broke
86A Helga's Locket
- When Helga attempted to get her locket of Arnold back from Arnold's grandpa. She disguised herself in a black trenchcoat, a derby, glasses, and fake mustache, passing herself off as "Bernard Flotsom", a rich antique art collector. It works for maybe a minute, and after a couple of near-misses (such as one of her pigtails poking out from her hat), Grandpa gets wise once she runs off with the locket saying, "So long sucker!" Grandpa pulls the rug causing Helga to slip and the locket to fly back in his hands
Grandpa: Aha! Gotcha! Ya two-timin' swindlin' thief imposter of a charlatan!Helga: That locket's just a cheap piece of junk! It's worth NOTHING!Grandpa: Oh, yeah?! Well, so are you! AND YOU FORGOT YOUR MUSTACHE!(tosses the fake mustache as Helga runs off)
Grandpa: AAAH! I'M BLIND!
- When Helga shuts off the lights just as Arnold and Grandpa pry the locket open.
Arnold: Grandpa, the lights went out.
Grandpa: AAH! The lights went out! AND I'M BLIND!!!
86B Sid and Germs
87B Old Iron Man
88A Ghost Bride
88B Gerald vs. Jamie O
- Harold's repeated attempts to break into P.S. 118.
- An excellent example of Getting Crap Past the Radar when Harold is reading part of the P.S. 118 constitution to Principal Wartz.
Harold: ...Due to outside circumcisions.Arnold: -stances!Harold: Right, outside circumstances!
- And Harold's Jewish.
89B Ernie in Love
90A Arnold Visits Arnie
- Arnold getting embarrassed by the other kids when he shows up to the practice field in bear pajamas.
- The following from the same episode:
Arnold: I'm supposed to visit my cousin Arnie.Lila: Arnie? You mean, your oh so interesting and likable country cousin that looks almost exactly like you only much more attractive?(Helga and Arnold stare at her.)Helga: That's one twisted version of the story.
- Harold's reason on why Arnie's weird: "He's always counting food instead of eating it!"
- Later, at a convenience store:
Gerard: Eleven cents?! Boy howdy that's completely outrageous! It's unacceptable!Kid: Quit overreacting Gerard and cool out.
- Arnold's reaction to Lulu flirtatiously winking at him: "Oh please."
- Arnold tries to stop Lulu from liking him.
Arnold: But you're ARNIE'S girlfriend and, WE'RE NINE!"
- The following from the same episode:
90B Chocolate Boy
91A Harold vs. Patty
- When Patty is teaching Harold concentration for becoming a better arm wrestler, the challenge is to walk across a log over a river.
Harold: I don't like this, Patty. It's sc-scaring me.Patty: Just look straight ahead and you'll be fine. And remember: balance.(Harold struggles to maintain balance on the log, lands on his butt, and falls into the river)
- After Harold loses to Patty in the Hillwood City Arm Wrestling Tournament, Sid and Stinky once again proceed to make fun of Harold losing to her. Harold decides he's had enough of their rudeness and starts shouting at them. (Doubles as an Awesome Moment.)
Harold: (yelling) SO WHAT IF I LOST TO A GIRL?! Patty's the best arm wrestler-(he grabs Sid and Stinky by their shirts)Harold: -in the whole city and she's my friend! I'm proud to lose to her, and if anyone has a problem with that, I'll pound 'em!(Harold smacks Sid's and Stinky's heads together and they fall to the floor)Sid and Stinky: Ow...
91B Rich Guy
- Mr. Redman's robot butler Mr. Egg Cream mistaking Grandpa Phil for Redman and offering him an egg cream.
Mr. Egg Cream: Your egg cream, Mr. Redman.Grandpa Phil: I dont want an egg cream. How about a sack of money?
92A The Racing Mule
92B Curly's Girl
93A On the Lam
- Harold, Sid, and Stinky's brilliant plan to become hoboes.
- "We can't go to the authorities! We just blew up the authorities!"
- During his "confession" about blowing up the police station, Sid lets out a maniacal scream.
93B Family Man
94A Grandpa's Packard
94B Phoebe's Little Problem
- Mr. Simmons' constant Freudian Slip of the word "fart."
- Phoebe's Get Out to Helga after the latter attempts to tell her to get over it because she farts all the time.
95A A Day in the Life of a Classroom
95B Big Bob's Crisis
97A Timberly Loves Arnold
97B Eugene, Eugene!
98 April Fool's Day
- At one point, Arnold helps out Helga who pretends blindness, and when he has walked her home, she says this:
Helga: Well, see you later, oh, I wont, because of you.
99 & 100 The Journal
- While reading the journal of Arnold's parents, Grandpa stumbles onto a section that isn't exactly kid-friendly (specifically, the night of Arnold's conception) and sends Arnold away to get food, while he quickly tears out the page.
- Grandpa's lottery numbers in the fortune cookie: 13 13 666.
- At one point Grandpa gets so fed up with Grandma's interruptions he threatens, "Pookie, I got a roll of tape and I"m not afraid to use it!"
- During one of his frequent bathroom breaks as he's reading the journal aloud Grandpa imparts some sage advice:
Grandpa Phil: Never get old, Arnold! Never get old!
Hey Arnold!: The Movie
- After Helga's confession and an awkward kiss, Arnold states he's dizzy, and needs to go lie down. Helga's response: "Wonderful...I'll go with you!"