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Colonel Robert Hogan
Played by Bob Crane
United States Army Air Forces Colonel Robert E. Hogan is the senior ranking POW officer in the camp and the leader of the group. He was born in Bridgeport, Connecticut, but considers Cleveland, Ohio to be his home. He commanded the 504th Bomb Group before he was shot down while on a raid on Hamburg in an operation masterminded by Luftwaffe Colonel Biedenbender. It is stated by a US Navy officer in a first-season episode that "If you weren't one of their prisoners, you'd be one of ours", due to his less-than-legal methods of accomplishing his goals. General Biedenbender stated that Hogan has a flair for the over-complex, which is often shown in the series. Many of the covert operations shown are highly complex, but due to Hogan's care in planning and the skill of the other characters, they are usually successful.
- Apparently Powerless Puppetmaster: He's a prisoner of war in a Luft Stalag. He's also running all the sabotage and guerrilla activities in the area.
- Badass Baritone
- Batman Gambit: Hogan's Standard Operating Procedure.
- Betrayal Insurance: Hogan has a tendency to include this in to all his plans. For example, a Gestapo agent blackmailed him for a million dollars in diamonds so Hogan deliberately tips off Klink to part of the deal (obviously not telling him that Hogan is secretly running an escape and sabotage unit right under Klink's nose) so that if the Gestapo agent tries to kill them anyway, Klink will (unknowingly) save their lives, and if the agent sticks to the deal, the Heroes will cover for him and let him get away.
- Bluff the Impostor: Hogan's default mole-digging method.
- The Casanova: Hogan always gets the girl.
- The Cast Show Off: Bob Crane was a highly skilled drummer. In the episode "Look at the Pretty Snowflakes", Colonel Hogan played an impressive drum solo for the song "Cherokee" in an attempt to cause an avalanche.
- Character Tic: Tends to stand around nonchalantly, smirking. He also puts his hands on his men's shoulders a lot.
- The Charmer
- Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: Well, he is Carter's superior officer.
- Codename: Colonel Hogan's call sign was originally "Goldilocks", possibly because it was his call sign back when he was a bomber pilot. Gets changed to "Papa Bear" later on.
- Colonel Badass
- Complexity Addiction: Colonel Hogan's plans tend to be very complex, sometimes overly so. This gets lampshaded a few times and bites him in the ass once or twice. It's all in the name of keeping the Germans off his tracks. If a group of bombers attack a refinery, that's believable. A group of POWs luring a German bomber and its crew within stealing distance so they can use the plane to bomb a refinery? Not so much. Some of the plans he's come up with have baffled his own side, too. Like the time he called all the way to Newark for a recipe for pizza or got a radio part to an Underground cell. Using a chimp as a courier.American Sub Commander: You know, Hogan, if you weren't one of their prisoners, you'd be one of ours.
- Consummate Liar: It's amazing the amount of bullshit Hogan is able to pass off with a straight face.
- Crazy Enough to Work: He actually says this several times in the show.
- Con Artist
- Dressing as the Enemy: A lot of his schemes involved doing this.
- A Father to His Men/Papa Wolf: Colonel Hogan's codename is even Papa Bear. He may tease his men on occasion, but he'll go to any lengths to protect them. This extends to pretty much anyone who's helped the Heroes. He disobeys direct orders from Allied HQ in order to rescue Tiger. The loyalty goes both ways - the others proceed to disobey the orders as well once they realize he intends to go it alone if he has to.
- Genre Savvy
- Glad You Thought of It: He does this to Klink at least once an episode.
- Go-Karting with Bowser: As senior POW officer Hogan sometimes gets invited to dinner or to parties with visiting guests, and occasionally Klink agrees to participate in prisoner recreational activities. One scene has Hogan peacefully playing chess with Klink — he throws the game, but takes advantage of the kommandant's distraction to steal his dinner and later convinces him that he was so focused on the game that he forgot he was eating.
- The Good Captain
- Good Running Evil: Hogan is actually the one running Stalag 13; a fact that Klink seems to be aware of, on and off.Hogan: Who's running this camp?Klink: [dejectedly] You are.
- Guile Hero: All his schemes involve manipulating German officers and civilians.
- The Hero
- Impersonating an Officer: Well, Hogan is an American officer but he spends almost as much time in a German uniform as he does an American.
- Indy Ploy: Half the time he's making his plans up as he goes along.
- Loveable Rogue
- Manipulative Bastard: He's got Klink and Schultz wrapped around his finger.
- Nerves of Steel: There's only two times in the entire series where he really loses his cool. Once is where he's been forced to impersonate an double agent and is about to be escorted out of the building by a pair of Gestapo agents, and he knows that outside there's two Underground agents with a rifle tasked to kill the man that he's impersonating. The other time is when he's defusing a live bomb that landed in the middle of the camp. He thought it was a fake that his boys had planted as a distraction.Hogan: That's a live bomb? You mean I've been fooling around with a real live bomb? Let's get outta here!
- Nice Hat
- No Sense of Personal Space: He invokes this in his dealings with Klink.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: In front of the Germans, he tends to act like a Type 1 Eagleland Cloud Cuckoo Lander (between his unorthodox requests and "innocent" observations).
- Officer and a Gentleman: Says so himself.
- Paper-Thin Disguise: When impersonating German officers, Hogan will often refer to himself as "Hoganmuller", "Hoganmeister", "Hoganheimer", "Hoganburg" or similar always using his surname for part of the German name. At one point he names himself Hogan Hoople.
- Really Gets Around: It would take an entire page to list all of Hogan's one night stands. Suffice to say if there's an unattached female (or on occasion attached) in the episode, Hogan will work his magic. That must be some awesome aftershave he has.
- Refuge in Audacity: About the only reason most of his plans even work half the time.
- Small Steps Hero: Hogan is unwilling to sacrifice innocent parties but manipulating the villains is just fine with him. He also disobeys orders, despite the very real potential of major consequences, to rescue Tiger.
- Stealth Insult: Hogan is a master of this and Klink is typically the target. To give an example, he managed to convince Klink that the name the men have been calling him "Klink the Fink" is actually a compliment.Hogan: It stands for "Firm, Impartial, Nazi Kommandant".
- Success Symbiosis: Hogan frequently has to protect Klink or Schultz or, more often than not, both from the Gestapo or the SS to carry out his schemes.
- This Is Gonna Suck: He's Genre Savvy enough to know when the rug is about to be yanked out from under his feet. For example, he knows whenever Crittendon, Hochstetter or Marya show up he's in for a rough ride.
- The Trickster
- Xanatos Speed Chess: Hogan's the master of this because no plan he has ever goes quite as planned. It's questionable just how far ahead he plans sometimes, as he managed to come up with a plan to smuggle a man into and out of Stalag 13 in disguise as Hitler in the space of about three seconds.
Corporal Peter Newkirk
Played by Richard Dawson
Royal Air Force Corporal Peter Newkirk is the group's conman, magician, pick-pocket, card sharp, forger, bookie, tailor, lock picker, safe cracker and impersonator of German officers (and on one occasion, Winston Churchill). On numerous occasions Newkirk also impersonates women to fool the Germans and help the underground movement. He also is in charge of making uniforms and assisting in distracting the Germans to perform other sabotage.
- The Casanova / Casanova Wannabe: Claims to be a ladies man and sometimes gets lucky... but usually the women he gets lucky with are Gestapo plants. On the other hand, his little black book has "one hundred and twenty-seven well-built English girls."
- Card Sharp
- Con Artist
- Consummate Liar
- Deadpan Snarker: Probably the most sarcastic member of Hogan's band. And that's saying a lot.
- Disguised in Drag: Usually a little old lady.
- Do-Anything Soldier: Newkirk has quite a diverse skill set. Almost all of it is illegal.
- Dressing as the Enemy: He's one of the go to guys when it comes to portraying German soldiers and officers.
- The Fixer: He's the one who makes the fake uniforms and clothing that the boys use for their schemes. He is also the one usually sent to fetch supplies in town and he helps forge documents.
- Five-Finger Discount: He pickpockets a lot of Germans throughout the series. In fact, one of their tests on a new prisoner to check if he's a mole is for Newkirk to bump into him and rifle his pockets to make sure he's not carrying anything suspicious.
- Fool for Love: Falls quite often, usually for the wrong woman.
- Harmless Lady Disguise: When he's in drag he is usually pretending to be an old, harmless lady. He's fairly good at pulling it off too.
- Hetero Sexual Life Partners: With LeBeau.
- Hidden Heart of Gold: Despite his criminal skills and snarky attitude, he definitely has this. Notable instances include going back for Gretel instead of escaping to England because he was worried about the Gestapo coming after her, refusing to go through with the Berlin Betty broadcast because he was afraid to get Betty in trouble, and setting General Barton straight after the latter insulted Hogan.
- Horrible Judge of Character: When it comes to women... He comes dangerously close to messing up the operations at least twice. He gets better.
- I Am One of Those, Too: Newkirk once attempted to pass himself off as an expert forger. The head of the forgery operation asks him if he's familiar with a certain forger and certain machine and Newkirk claims to know both intimately. Of course, one's a scientist and the other's a pianist.
- Loveable Rogue
- He's a pickpocket and card-cheater. Good thing he only uses his skills on the Nazis.
- He's also apparently a master at bluffing, regularly beating the other guys at poker and gin. The only one he can't constantly beat is Carter.
- Kleptomaniac Hero
- Master of Unlocking: He can get into any room he wants to.
- Mildly Military: Corporal Newkirk gets away with calling Sergeant Carter an idiot quite often.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: In addition to his lady troubles his attempt to get something nice for Hogan on his birthday almost gets the crew all shot by Hochstetter.
- Safecracking: One of his many talents.
- The So-Called Coward: Claims to be a coward but puts himself in a lot of dangerous situations.
- Spot of Tea: Newkirk is often seen drinking tea while the others are using a radio to contact the submarine which is transferring their message to England.
- Stage Magician
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With Carter.
Corporal Louis LeBeau
Played by Robert Clary
Free French Air Force Corporal Louis LeBeau, a master chef and notoriously patriotic Frenchman. He is often seen referring to Nazis and Germans in general as "pigs", and specifically as "Boches" or "dirty Boches" (a derogatory word for Germans used since the Franco-Prussian War). LeBeau is also a master of covert operations, and has taken the precaution of befriending the camp's guard dogs. As a result, he's able to enter their compound through a secret entrance under a doghouse without the dogs raising the alarm.
- Afraid of Blood: He was shot in the shoulder and the rest of the team found him unconscious. It turned out to be a very minor wound and he had simply fainted at the sight of the blood.
- Amazon Chaser: He's in love with Marya and is the only member of the crew that trusts her completely.
- Berserk Button: Do NOT insult France, or loot its museums. He also takes poor cooking personally.
- The Casanova: LeBeau is probably the most romantically inclined member of Hogan's crew.
- The Cast Show Off: Robert Clary can sing pretty well and a few episodes showcased this.
- Delicious Distraction: He uses his cooking to distract or otherwise bribe Schultz.
- Everything Sounds Sexier in French: When he is trying to be romantic he usually starts sprinkling his speech with French words and phrases.
- Fluffy Tamer: Those vicious guard dogs in the camp? Yeah, LeBeau has them eating out of his hand.Dr. Monet: [looking at the dogs] Are they dangerous?LeBeau: Oh, only to the Germans.
- Fool for Love: Loses practically all common sense when Marya is around.
- Foreign Cuss Word: He insults people in French several times through out the show.
- French Cuisine Is Haughty: LeBeau looks down on any type of cooking that isn't French. He insults German food regularly and in a couple of cases, Italian. Hearing what a banana split is made of visibly disturbs him.
- Hetero Sexual Life Partners: With Newkirk.
- Horrible Judge of Character: As far as the rest of the team is concerned, his opinion of Marya.
- Idiot Ball: Briefly holds it in "Happy Birthday Dear Hogan". Major Hochstetter is revealing secret plans with the windows wide open with the justification that "the prisoners can't tell anyone". What could possibly be wrong with that?
- In-Series Nickname: Schultz and Klink (but mainly Klink) refer to LeBeau as "Cockroach."
- Last Name Basis: An exception to the rule in this show as he is one of the few characters referred to by his first name on semi-regular basis.
- The Napoleon: Averted, as he's not that sensitive about his height.
- Phony Psychic: Hogan once convinced Klink that LeBeau was psychic.
- Stealth Expert: His main role in the group besides cook.
- Supreme Chef: In all but one case. There was apparently a Noodle Incident involving chow mein (cooked with sauerkraut) and the boys convincing Klink that LeBeau was part Chinese. All we know is it really didn't end well.Hogan: LeBeau, I'm holding you in reserve, to make chow mein. If Carter's bombs don't work, we may have to poison that bridge!
- Team Chef
Sergeant Andrew Carter
Played by Larry Hovis
United States Army Air Corps Technical Sergeant Andrew J. Carter, aka Little Deer Who Runs Swift And Sure Through Forest, (fun fact, he was a lieutenant in the pilot episode) is in charge of ordnance and bomb-making. He also shows talent in chemistry and can produce formulas and chemical devices as needed. Carter is also often called upon to impersonate German officers and, most convincingly, Adolf Hitler. While bright and enthusiastic at his specialties, Carter often shows a lack of common sense otherwise. For example, after the blowing up of a train Carter could not remember the way back to Stalag 13.
- Adolf Hitlarious: When he's pretending to be Hitler odds are you will be laughing very hard.
- Ascended Extra: In the pilot he was just a prisoner from another camp passing through on his way back to England.
- Badass Adorable: Carter is usually innocent, oblivious and naive. He's also an expert and complete fanatic about his bombs and has probably directly killed more people than anyone else in the group. He was heartbroken at hearing he couldn't be around when one of his bombs went off.Carter: It's like sending your child off to war without you.
- Beware the Nice Ones: He's the nicest, most easy-going guy in the group. He's also the guy who provides the explosives and convincingly passes for Adolf Hitler.
- Born Lucky: He's the only one on-screen able to beat Newkirk at gin.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Goofy, absent-minded, prone to trip on his own feet and something of a Butt Monkey among the team. He's also their best demolition man and has the ability to become someone else entirely when in disguise. It's like his IQ jumps fifty points when he puts on a German uniform.
- Butt Monkey
- Cassandra Truth: Once tried get caught with a microfilm filled with fake information. Every German he talked to thought he was a Gestapo Agent trying to test their loyalty.
- Captain Obvious: When he is not acting like a Cloud Cuckoo Lander or disguised as a German officer he is usually this.
- Chaste Hero: Carter is almost oblivious to the fact there is an opposite sex.
- Depending on the Writer: His attitude towards women actually changes very often. While he never reaches the Casanova levels of Hogan, Newkirk, and LeBeau he does show some interest in women occasionally (notably in "Look at the Pretty Snowflakes"). Also notably, one episode in season 6 has him remarking that he never would have thought of girls as an effective distraction, while in the season 1 episode "The Gold Rush", he assumes that Schultz is late coming back to camp because he met a pretty girl in Hammelburg.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Let's put it this way: His (accidental) infiltration of the German army ends with him successfully stealing a tank.
- He also is typically the man to do the talking (if Hogan isn't present) whenever they impersonate Germans, partly because he looks more German than the rest of the Heroes and partly because he is an absolute master at impersonation.
- Further, whenever there's something that needs exploding, it's Carter they turn to. Not only are his bombs effective, but they're also (mostly) precise, and he seems to pay attention to their appearance as well.
- "Dear John" Letter: Only character in the show to get one. In "The Kommandant Dies at Dawn" he even mentions having made a carrying case for them. Though given how he acts most of the time many people wonder how he got a girlfriend in the first place.
- Demolitions Expert: His main role in the group.
- Dressing as the Enemy: Despite what you would expect, he is very, very good at it.
- Dude, Where's My Respect?: He's the highest ranking soldier after Colonel Hogan. He's also the Butt Monkey of the group.
- Easily Forgiven: No one can ever stay mad at him for messing up on a mission for more than a few seconds.
- Fake Defector: Has to play this role several times.
- Flanderization: Gets increasingly more naive as the show goes on.
- Gadgeteer Genius: Of the explosive variety.
- Genius Ditz: Carter is enthusiastic but generally oblivious and he tends to get teased for his cluelessness...until they need something blown up or Hitler impersonated.
- His intelligence seems to be dependent on what uniform he's wearing. In an American uniform, he's just about clueless about most things, but a genius at bomb creation. Put him in a German uniform and he's suddenly brilliant.
- Impersonating an Officer
- Last Name Basis: Another example that is the exception to the rule in this show, other characters are just about as likely to call him Andrew as they are Carter.
- Lethal Chef: Klink tasted his cooking, immediately looked sick and order Schultz to take it away...and bury it.
- Lethally Stupid: Sometimes crosses into this territory. For example, in "Kommandant of the Year" the crew is trying to figure out what the Germans just parked in the camp and what to do about it prompting this exchange:Hogan: They know it's safe. The Allies won't bomb a prisoner of war camp.Carter: Hey, gang. What about we find out what it is, and if it's important enough we get London to bomb the camp? That'd be great!Hogan: Carter? [takes him aside and opens the door] Out.Carter: Schultz says I might get shot!Hogan: That's right.[Hogan leaves and Carter starts to head outside before being pulled away]
- Mad Bomber/Mad Scientist: He really likes his explosives to the point of being depressed that he had to send several of his handmade bombs to be dropped on a Nazi facility without getting to go along and watch, comparing it to sending a child off into the world.
- Master of Disguise: In-universe, he is the only character who can wear a German uniform in front of Klink and Hochstetter and not be recognized.
- Mean Character, Nice Actor: In-universe, Carter's scarily good at impersonating angry German officers of various calibers and Adolf Hitler, despite his puppy-esque normal demeanor.
- Serious Business: His explosives. He got very offended when Newkirk implied one of his bombs hadn't performed to expectations. That said, most of his bombs seem to take the cartoon-like shape of a bundle of dynamite sticks with an alarm clock on it.
- Slasher Smile: When he pretends to be a chemical warfare specialist he gives off a real nasty one.
- Suddenly Ethnicity: Carter gets a letter addressed to "Little Running Deer Who Goes Swift And Sure Through Forest", forcing him to admit he was part Sioux. Newkirk and LeBeau proceed to tease him mercilessly about it, in ways that wouldn't be quite so funny today.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With Newkirk.
Staff Sergeant James "Kinch" Kinchloe
Played by Ivan Dixon
United States Army Air Corps Staff Sergeant James (a.k.a. Ivan) "Kinch" Kinchloe is primarily responsible for radio, telegraph, and other forms of electronic communications. In the series pilot, Kinchloe is introduced as Hogan's chief of staff, and, in addition to his communications expertise, is seen speaking fluent French to Corporal LeBeau. Kinch is from Detroit and has worked for the telephone company. In one episode, he mentions that before the war he fought in the Golden Gloves.
- The Big Guy: He's a former boxer and is taller than most of the rest of the heroes. He's also a very pleasant man.
- Black Best Friend
- Black and Nerdy: He's the camp's radio and electronics genius.
- The Boxing Episode: Kinch was a semi-professional boxer back state-side so naturally he's the one that goes up against the German champ.
- Character Tic: He has a tendency to raise his eyebrows a lot.
- A Day in the Limelight: Kinch was often involved in plots requiring technical/radio work, but since the color of his skin would be a bit noticeable when trying to impersonate a German official, he didn't get as many "dress up" plots as the rest of the cast. One exception involved him capturing and impersonating an African royal trying to ally himself with the Axis forces, complete with a Girl of the Week.
- Deadpan Snarker: Quite possibly his best moment is when Hogan is looking for one of the Heroes to impersonate a German.Hogan: Alright, I need another German.Kinch: Oh, how about me, sir?Hogan: [beat] Don't be funny.
Kinch: Darn, I thought I was going to get that job...
- His second-best has to be when Schultz tells them that there's a new second-in-command.
- Gadgeteer Genius: Kinch handles the electronics while Carter handles the explosives.
- Genius Bruiser: He's a radioman, has at least some skill as a bomber navigator, and speaks fluent French and German in addition to English. He's also from Detroit and a capable boxer, having fought in the Golden Gloves. He's usually the first of the Heroes to figure out what Hogan's plan is.
- Good News, Bad News: This could actually be his catchphrase from how often he says it.
- Impersonating an Officer: General Kinchmeyer. Unlike the others though, he only does his impersonations over the phone.
- In-Series Nickname: Kinch.
- Manipulative Bastard: Not as good as Hogan, but he has shades of this. "Is General Hammerschlag Burning" has him effectively take control of the mission, leaving Hogan speechless. note
- Nerves of Steel: He is the group's unofficial second in command because of his clearheadedness and his calmness under fire and in very stressful situations, and because of this, he is more respected by the other non-coms than is the technically higher ranked Sergeant Carter.
- Number Two: Hogan's official second-in-command,note even though Carter outranks him.
- The Operators Must Be Crazy: He's in charge of the camp switchboard and he makes sure calls Hogan doesn't want to get through do not get through.
- Put on a Bus: In season six, he is replaced by Baker.
- Static Character: Unfortunately, even though he is Hogan's second and well respected by the team, his role rarely goes beyond radio man and occasional German voice on the phone. Supposedly, this was one of the reasons Ivan Dixon left the show in season 6.
- Throwing the Fight: At the end of The Boxing Episode he beats his competitor senseless and then throws the fight to avoid reprisals being directed against the gang from the German officers present.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Kinch is replaced by Baker in the last season without any acknowledgment or explanation. Since Klink's record of no successful escapes is still mentioned during that season, the character must have either actually died, or his death (or transfer to another camp) faked as he was 'discharged' and allowed to go home through the escape tunnel.
- Considering he gets a letter (it's treated as a throwaway joke) about his final draft classification being 4-F (limited service only), it may have been the latter.
Sergeant Richard Baker
Played by Kenneth Washington
Following Dixon's departure from the show after season five, the producers replaced his character in the sixth season with United States Army Air Corps Sergeant Richard Baker. The tasks assigned to Sergeant Baker are almost identical to those of Staff Sergeant Kinchloe, including limited impersonation of some German voices.
- Ascended Extra: His actor had appeared in previous seasons as an extra before becoming a main cast member.
- Remember the New Guy
- Static Character: Arguably even worse than Kinch.
- Suspiciously Similar Substitute: To Kinch.
Sergeant Vladimir Minsk
Played by Leonid KinskeyVladimir Minsk was a character only seen in the pilot episode. A Sergeant in the Soviet Air Force before being captured, Vladimir came from a long line of Russian tailors, and used his skills to make uniforms for the men. Newkirk and LeBeau took over his duties in the regular series. He was also bad at sports.
Colonel Wilhelm Klink
Played by Werner Klemperer
Kommandant Oberst (German for Colonel) Wilhelm Klink is an old-line Luftwaffe officer of aristocratic (Junker) Prussian descent and a blatant social climber. He was born in Leipzig in the early 1890s, though he refers to Düsseldorf, where he attended the Gymnasium (high school) (graduating 43rd in his class), as his home town. After failing the entrance exams to study law or medicine, he received an appointment from Kaiser Wilhelm II to a military academy, through the influence of his uncle, the Bürgermeister's barber, and graduated 95th in his class.
- Bad Liar
- Better the Devil You Know: Hogan's crew works hard to keep Klink in charge of Stalag 13 because if he got shipped off to the Russian front or court-martialed, odds are somebody competent would take over. Once or twice he's actually up for promotion and the Heroes have to foul it up to keep him at the camp.
- Born Unlucky: He is the opposite of Crittendon in this regard. While Crittendon will always come out OK no matter how badly he fouls things up, Klink will usually lose no matter how hard he tries or how good the plan was. Hogan weaponizes it when faced with a Wire Dilemma defusing a live bomb that's landed in the camp, cutting the one that Klink doesn't pick.Hogan: I wasn't sure which was the right one. But I was sure you'd pick the wrong one!
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Sort of. Everyone in the German military (and it seems like most of the Allies) know that he's completely incompetent, except for his mysterious ability to keep Stalag 13 escape-free, which is all that keeps him from being sent to the eastern front. It's lampshaded a couple times. The trope is downplayed in that the Heroes work very hard to keep him from being shipped off to Stalingrad and replaced by someone more competent.Burkhalter: [to someone who just asked how Klink could have done it] Don't look at me, I don't understand it either.
- Butt Monkey: His main purpose in the show is to have abuse heaped upon him for your viewing pleasure.
- Catchphrase: No one ever escapes Stalag 13!
- The Cast Show Off: Played with. Werner Klemperer was an accomplished violinist; Colonel Klink, not so much.
- Casanova Wannabe: Klink thinks he's a ladies man. He does do surprisingly well at picking up women, although with most of the men off at war, they may just be hard up for other options. It's just that he can't keep them because Burkhalter or Hogan usually moves in on them, and most of the women he meets are Underground couriers or agents.
- Character Tic: When frustrated, he has a habit of swinging his clenched fist and letting out a loud mutter.
- Commissar Cap
- Contractual Genre Blindness: There was actually a term in Klemperer's contract guaranteeing that Klink never won (Klemperer, a native-born German, was not a fan of the Third Reich). The only time Klink "won" against Hogan is when the latter accidentally hooks him up with a beautiful widowed baroness.note
- Chronically Crashed Car: His staff car gets wrecked several times throughout the show.
- Cool Helmet: Has a Pickelhaube on his desk that Hogan usually plays with when in the office.
- Digging Yourself Deeper: No matter what the situation, Klink will make it worse for himself.
- Dreadful Musician: He's terrible with the violin.
- Enemy Mine: He has become a willing, and in some cases not so willing, participant in Hogan's schemes.
- Even Evil Has Standards: He likes to think he's a tyrant, but the attitudes of the more sadistic Nazi officers have occasionally revolted him.
- Fat and Skinny: The skinny to Schultz's fat.
- A Father to His Men: No. Klink is definitely not a fatherly CO, but thinks he is one due to Hogan's manipulations. He takes great pride in it.
- Flanderization: Gets more and more incompetent as the show goes on.
- Friendly Enemy: He think he's a tyrant. He's not even close.
- General Failure: Werner Klemperer consented to play Klink only on the condition that Hogan and company would always win the day and that Klink was portrayed as a complete idiot rather than a competent officer who's simply outplayed by the heroes.
- Glad I Thought of It: Klink does this all the time, and naturally Hogan regularly takes advantage of it to manipulate him, often complimenting Klink on the brilliance of his plan.
- High-Class Glass: Klink wears a monocle.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: Several of his schemes to rein Hogan in or to advance his career have blown up in his face. A prime example occurs in "Colonel Klink's Secret Weapon" when, after receiving a poor rating from the Inspector General, he brings in a stern new sergeant to discipline the prisoners. Unfortunately, the sergeant starts disciplining him and makes Klink look bad to advance his own career. He also knows all the regulations and has the family connections to get away with everything. Klink ends up begging Hogan for help in getting rid of him.
- Impoverished Patrician: Implied to be this trope. It is mentioned that he comes from an old Prussian family and it is also stated that he has money troubles. Of course, his family also explicitly dumped him on the military so they wouldn't have to deal with him.
- Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: You'll probably end up feeling sorry for him more often than not.
- Miles Gloriosus
- Never My Fault: He usually tries to blame Schultz for his own screw-ups.
- No Guy Wants to Be Chased: More like "No Guy Wants to Marry General Burkhalter's Sister".
- Not So Different: Klink's views on Hogan and himself. Hogan cringes at the thought.Klink: Perhaps had we met at another time, another place, we might have even become friends. [Hogan winces]
- Not-So-Harmless Villain: Sometimes Klink is competent, or at least has the air of competence. One genuine example is in "Will the Real Adolf Please Stand Up?" where he's unfazed by Hogan's ploy, calls it out as a pack of lies, and tightens security further. Both Hogan and Schultz are caught off-guard. Another is in "A Man's Best Friend Is Not his Dog," where he and Schultz manage to keep Hogan on his toes for the majority of the episode.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: It's implied a couple of times that Klink is actually smarter than he looks and acts, and is willingly turning a blind eye to Hogan's antics. In one episode, Burkhalter brings radio detection equipment into the camp to locate a suspected resistance radio. As soon as he gets a chance, Klink pulls Schultz aside and tells him to run to Hogan's barracks and turn off that radio.
- Old Soldier: Klink is a career soldier. He served in the First World War, first in the Imperial German Army, and later in the newly formed Luftwaffe despite a lifelong fear of flying. He also stayed in the military in the two decades between the wars.
- Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: At one time he had to pose as an American officer. It was definitely a memorable scene.
- Parrot Exposition: He's quite fond of this.
- Pity the Kidnapper: Well, more like Pity the Jailer, but it's basically the same thing.
- Pointy-Haired Boss
- Punch Clock Villain: He never sounds enthusiastic about saying "Heil Hitler", hinting that he's not really loyal to the dictator and is only trying to survive the war with minimal risk.
- Punny Name: His name is a pun on "clink," a slang word for a prison. Lampshaded by Hogan once:Hogan: Outside of Stalag 13, "Klink" means two glasses have just been knocked together!
- Self-Deprecating Humor: The Running Gag of Klink's screechy violin playing paralleled the fact that in real life, Klemperer was actually quite a talented violinist and concert pianist. When Werner's father, Otto Klemperer, first saw the show, he quipped "Your work is good... but who is the author of this material?"
- Small Name, Big Ego: Klink's vanity often made him an easy mark for Hogan, who continually massaged Klink's massive ego to manipulate his decisions in ways which would benefit the prisoners and the Allies.
- Staff of Authority: He typically has a riding crop tucked under his arm.
- Sycophantic Servant: He does this to pretty much every officer that walks in the door, General Burkhalter especially. They all tend to find it annoying.
- Throw the Dog a Bone: Usually, Klink is lucky if he just manages to keep his job and escape a date with the firing squad after one of Hogan's little escapades. But there is one time that Hogan accidentally hooks him up with a beautiful widowed baroness.
- Ultimate Job Security: If it wasn't for the direct intervention of Hogan and his men on many occasions, Colonel Klink would probably be at the Russian Front. Apparently, he's not a bad administrator, but he has no real control over his camp (which is exactly why the heroes work to give him the ultimate job security in the first place).
- Yes-Man: Klink majored in brown nosing, but usually it only serves to dig him deeper into the mess.
- 0% Approval Rating: If "The Kommandant Dies At Dawn" is any indication, his own men don't seem to like him any more than his prisoners do.
Sergeant Hans Schultz
Played by John Banner
Hauptfeldwebel (Senior Master Sergeant) Hans Georg Schultz, serial number 23781, is Klink's bumbling, highly unmilitary 300-pound Sergeant of the Guard. Schultz is a basically good-hearted man who, when confronted by evidence of the prisoners' covert activities, will simply look the other way, repeating "I hear NUSSINK, I see NUSSINK, I know NUSSINK!" (or, more commonly as the series went on, simply "I see NUSSINK–NUSSINK!") to avoid being blamed for allowing things to have gotten as far as they already had, and possibly given a one-way trip to the Eastern Front.
- Big Eater
- Brilliant, but Lazy: When he actually puts his mind to something, the results can be rather impressive. In one episode the heroes contrive to put Schultz in charge of the camp, but when he proves frighteningly competent at the job, Hogan works to return everything to the status quo. It's heavily implied that he could easily figure out what Hogan's crew was up to at the camp. He just really, really doesn't want to. Mostly because if he did, he'd be held responsible for letting it happen. This depends on the episode, though; in the pilot and first season especially, he knew almost everything they were doing and often actively assisted them.
- Between wars he built a hugely successful toy company, and re-enlisted for lack of something better to do when his factory was taken over for the war effort.
- Bumbling Sidekick: Though he's probably actually not as bumbling as Col. Klink. Klink is at least trying to be a competent German soldier, whereas Schultz often stays deliberately oblivious to what Hogan's crew is up to, when he isn't actively participating in their schemes.
- Catchphrase: "I know NUSSINK! NUSSINK!"
- Cannot Keep a Secret: Played with. He can't keep German military secrets from Hogan and the boys. However, he's very good at keeping what really goes on at the camp away from Klink and other superior officers.
- Cowardly Sidekick: To Klink, although Klink isn't exactly a lion himself.
- Deadpan Snarker: Usually towards Klink (if Hogan is around).
- Drunk with Power: This is what usually happens when the prisoners have let Schultz think he's boss for various reasons. They have found it difficult to 're-tame' him.
- Enemy Mine: It is difficult to remember some times, but he is not really a part of Hogan's crew and is supposed to be their jailer.
- Fat and Skinny: The fat to Klink's skinny.
- Fat Best Friend: Tends to be this to Hogan's crew.
- Friendly Enemy: Well, he's a German soldier and Hogan and his crew are Allied soldiers, but they do seem to consider each other friends. If nothing else, he respects Hogan for saving his can so many times.
- Food as Bribe: This is how LeBeau usually gets him to look the other way.
- Gentle Giant: He's a big guy. He's also a teddy bear, and it's clear the Heroes follow his orders not out of fear or respect but because he covers for them.
- Genre Savvy: On occasion. He's smart enough to realize when Hogan is playing Klink. He just doesn't want to know why.
- The Guards Must Be Crazy: Well, he would know. He is Sergeant of the Guard.
- I'll Pretend I Didn't Hear That: His catchphrase is precisely this trope.
- Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: He is technically one of the bad guys. Actually, he's supposed to be Klink's dragon. Sometimes it's difficult to remember whom he works for.Schultz: Sometimes, I have to be on our side!
- Lovable Coward: He really just wants to keep things nice and quiet and peaceful on his shift, and definitely doesn't want to get involved in anything that might look like trouble. Given who he has to work for, you really can't blame him either. He's also petrified of the idea of being sent to the front lines. He doesn't even keep his gun loaded.
- Mildly Military: In addition to willfully ignoring military fitness standards, Schultz tends to be very laid back and at times disrespectful of superior officers, Klink in particular.
- Minion with an F in Evil: He is willing to turn a blind eye to Hogan and his crew's antics. Also he made toys for children before the war.
- Mistaken for Dying: A purposeful mixup of checkup patients once makes Klink think Schultz has a few days to live, when really he's just going on leave for the weekend.Schultz: I wish you were going with me!Klink: *pained* I probably deserved that...
- Obfuscating Stupidity: He repeatedly states, "I know NUSSINK!" but in reality he's probably on to just about everything that goes on in Stalag 13. At one point, he stops Hogan's crew from pushing him too far on a deal. Also, idiots don't run large companies or get promoted to E-8 ranks.
- Old Soldier: Apparently. He fought in WWI, and apparently repeatedly saved the life of a cherry lieutenant who went on to become a fearsome general. Nobody believes it at first.
- Pity the Kidnapper: In the same vein as Klink. Probably applies to him even more though, considering how often the prisoners he is supposed to be watching drag him into their plots. All he wants is a nice quiet shift with no "monkey business."
- Secretly Wealthy: He owns the largest toy factory in Germany.
Schultz: I'm a poor man, Herr Kommandant. I even have no right to be fat.
- Subverted, though. The factory was taken over for war production, which probably didn't do his finances any favors.
- Selective Obliviousness: He is the master of this trope (the idiot defense).
- The So-Called Coward: Actually stood up to Gestapo agents and threw his weight around (while pretending to be a general) to protect several of Hogan's men. Being completely drunk at the time probably helped, though.
- Spanner in the Works: Schultz occasionally unintentionally meddles with Hogan's plans (usually by showing up with requests/orders when Hogan is on a tight schedule) but the best example of this is when he reveals Hogan's identity to Marya in their first encounter. This is what enables her to learn about Stalag 13 in the first place.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Apple Strudel.
- Tyrant Takes the Helm: You might be surprised at this, but Stalag 13 is not a fun place to be when Schultz is in charge. Possibly because he knows what happens, and that he's responsible for anything going wrong.
- Ultimate Job Security: Schultz is thought to be incompetent by everyone who knows who he is, and he tends to be very lax around his superiors. The prisoners count him as an ally (he's in on their schemes though he wishes he wasn't) and have to pull strings to keep him around.
- You Didn't See That: He does this to himself.
General Albert Burkhalter
Played by Leon Askin
General der Infanterie Albert Hans "Hansi" Burkhalter is Klink's superior officer who frequently tires of Klink's babbling and incompetence, often telling him to "shut up" and threatening to send him to the Russian Front. Burkhalter is mystified by Stalag 13's perfect record, unable to make sense of it in combination with its Kommandant's frequently-evidenced incompetence. Burkhalter affects to live a Spartan existence like a good German officer, but in reality, he loves the good life, even in war. He is scared to death of Mrs. Burkhalter (calling her "the highest authority in Germany"), testifying to this several times during the series.
- Bad Boss: He's pretty hard on Klink and seems to take pleasure in ruining Klink's plans, hopes and dreams.
- Big Eater
- Big Bad: He's Klink's superior and in charge of the prison camps system.
- Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Some of his threats to Klink, like this little gem:Burkhalter: Klink, you will be court-martialed, shot, and sent to the Russian front.Klink: But General Burkhalter, you can't do all of those to me!Burkhalter: Try me.
- Deadpan Snarker: A good portion of his lines are sarcastic jabs toward Klink.
- Dueling Scar
- Fat Bastard: Klink thinks so, calling him a nasty old tub of lard on one occasion. Unfortunately for Klink, Burkhalter was standing right behind him when he did so. Burkhalter promptly cancels Klink's leave and says:Burkhalter: I really am a nasty old tub of lard.
- Hanlon's Razor: How he views Klink and Schultz.Kohler: Are you actually accusing Klink of treason?Burkhalter: Treason? No. Stupidity? Yes.
- Henpecked Husband: He's terrified of his wife. No, that is not an exaggeration.Burkhalter: This comes from the highest authority in the Third Reich?Klink: The highest? Der Fuhrer?Burkhalter: Higher than that. [beat] My wife.
- In-Series Nickname: Hansi, only his wife gets to call him that.
- Large and in Charge
- Only Sane Man: He's typically one of the few Germans portrayed as competent. But he can be manipulated with a bit of effort all the same...
- Orcus on His Throne: He wants to have as little to do with Stalag 13 and Colonel Klink as possible. It's also implied he likes living the good life more then he does his job as a Wehrmacht general.
- Pet the Dog: He definitely cares a lot about his widowed sister. He wants to marry her off so that she isn't alone (even if it means becoming Klink's brother-in-law) and when she is taken hostage, he immediately orders Hochstetter to release an Underground prisoner in order to get her back, even threatening to call Himmler and get him to order Hochstetter to do it if he doesn't follow Burkhalter's orders.
- Straight Man: He often ends up in this role.
- Surrounded by Idiots: His views on the staff at Stalag 13.
Major Wolfgang Hochstetter
Played by Howard Caine
Kriminalrat (Major) Wolfgang Hochstetter is a Gestapo officer and an ardent Nazi who never understands why Hogan is constantly allowed to barge into Klink's office at will. Hochstetter frequently demands of Klink "Who is this man?" or "What is this man doing here?!" with increasing stridency. He is also noted for the many times he shouts "Baah!" at Klink or Hogan after his multiple failures. Klink is justifiably afraid of him, but Burkhalter, who despises Hochstetter just as Klink does, is not.
- Bluff the Eavesdropper: He once deliberately left the window to Klink's office open while saying out-loud some false information about a radar unit being down just to see if anyone would take the bait. Unfortunately for Hogan, LeBeau took it hook, line and sinker.
- Cassandra Truth: He believes that Stalag 13 is at the center of all the sabotage in the area. He's right...he just can't prove it.
- Oddly enough, he winds up on the other end of the Cassandra Truth in "Lady Chitterly's Lover". Lord Chitterly escapes from the tunnels and tells Klink about them, who then relates all of this info to Hochstetter...who doesn't believe a single word of it.
- Catchphrase: What is this man doing here?!" and "Baah!" Also, (paraphrase) "I will surround this area with a ring of steel!"
- The Comically Serious
- Day of the Jackboot: After Hogan, Klink and the boys really piss him off concerning a new kamikaze version of the V2 rocket he has the Gestapo seize control of the camp. The next episode consists of Hogan trying to figure out a way to get the men he left in charge of the camp out of their hair.
- Dragon-in-Chief: While technically lower-in-rank than Klink and Burkhalter he is a member of the SS which gives him power and authority above what his rank would indicate and when he shows up he is usually the one running the show and he is a much more dangerous threat to the boys than Klink and Burkhalter are.
- The Dreaded: Klink is scared of him, for good reason. The local resistance and underground fear him. Hogan is wary of him. Hochstetter is not a man to be taken lightly.
- Enraged by Idiocy: You can visibly watch Hochstetter's blood pressure go up when he has to deal with Klink and Schultz.
- Everyone Is a Suspect: He has this mindset and views people who are not under his direct command or his immediate superiors with deep suspicion.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: It doesn't take a whole lot to set Hochstetter off.
- Interservice Rivalry: Another reason Klink and Burkhalter hate him.
- Jerk Ass
- Knight of Cerebus: He is actually one of the few villains who is a real threat. Hogan realizes this:Hogan: We have only three chances to pull this off: dim, dimmer and dimmest.Marya: Oh Hogan darling, I forgot to mention that Major Hochstetter of the Gestapo is on his way here.Hogan: Now we are down to dimmest.
- Lean and Mean
- Majorly Awesome: From the bad guys' point of view. Klink and Burkhalter both outrank Hochstetter but act completely subservient to the man, though in Burkhalter's case, he allows Hochstetter to run amok only as long as it doesn't cause problems for him. As soon as he feels that Hochstetter has gone too far (or is at least not worth the headache) he pulls rank.
- Meaningful Name: Hochstetter is German for "high stepper;" a reference to the Nazis "goose stepping" way of marching in formation.
- The Neidermeyer: Just one of the reasons that Klink and Burkhalter hate him.
- No Indoor Voice: He is almost always yelling.
- Noone Could Survive That: His arrest in "War Takes a Holiday", proof that the episodes are in Anachronic Order.
- Only Sane Man: Considering he's the only German in the main cast convinced that there is more to Stalag 13 and Colonel Hogan than meets the eye...
- Not So Above It All: However he does have some of his sillier moments. Namely his reaction to (falsely) finding out that Klink is Nimrod.
- Properly Paranoid: As LeBeau points out, "Hochstetter is so secretive he won't even talk to himself!" Given who he's dealing with, this isn't an unnecessary security precaution.
- Rabid Cop: He's convinced that Hogan is running the sabotage activities in the areanote and that Klink needs to go and he will do anything to put them in their places. Sometimes it seems like he's working backwards from "Stalag 13 is behind these events" to make the conclusions he does with the evidence he has.
- Secret Police
- State Sec
- Straight Man: Hochstetter is not a funny man and is one of the few serious characters on the show; not to mention one of the few real, recurring threats to the main characters. That doesn't stop him from setting up a punchline every now and then.
- Suddenly SHOUTING!: Usually subverted, as he typically works his way up to maximum volume. However, after one incident where some Roman Candles on a birthday cake lead to a neutralized radio detection truck and the crew narrowly escaping exposure he asks Klink (at normal volume) how it happened.Klink: Major, you simply won't believe it!Hochstetter: TRY ME!!
- Surrounded by Idiots: He doesn't exactly hold Klink, Schultz or the rest of the personnel at Stalag 13 in a very positive light. Granted, he has a legitimate reason for this.
- Suspiciously Similar Substitute: Before playing Major Hochstetter, Howard Caine played a Colonel Feldkamp of the Gestapo in an earlier episode who was a dead-ringer in terms of looks, attitude and mannerisms to Major Hochstetter. However, Feldkamp was killed in the same episode in which he was introduced, "The Battle of Stalag 13".
- You Look Familiar: Howard Caine played a couple of one-off German officers, the above Feldkamp and Major Keitel (commander of an anti-aircraft gun battery), before settling in as the recurring Major Hochstetter. And since he played them all almost exactly like Major Hochstetter, it can become a bit confusing.
- Tyrant Takes the Helm: When he shows up he tends to assume control of all German forces in the camp and nearby areas. Naturally he runs everything with an iron fist.
- We Have Ways of Making You Talk: Though when he says it Hogan immediately lampshades it by saying Hochstetter has been watching too many American movies.
Played by Cynthia LynnKlink's secretary in Season 1.
- Friendly Enemy: The "enemy" part comes from her being German and under Klink's employ.
- Put on a Bus: After season 1, she is replaced by Hilda. Reportedly, Cynthia Lynn's husband convinced her to leave the show after he learned of her affair with Bob Crane.
- Retcon: In the pilot, she knows about the tunnels, and actively participates in the operations (as the manicurist). In the series proper, she is never shown working with the heroes, only occasionally providing Hogan with information.
- Sexy Secretary
Played by Sigrid ValdisKlink's secretary from season 2 onwards.
- Friendly Enemy: Same as Helga. She helps out Hogan almost as often as Schultz, and often with less subtlety.
- Sexy Secretary
- Suspiciously Similar Substitute: For Helga.
Frau Gertrude Linkmeyer
Kathleen FreemanGeneral Burkhalter's sister. She is usually in a one-sided relationship with Klink (who is scared to death of her), but Hogan manages to split the two one way or another.
- Abhorrent Admirer: Much comedy is gained from Burkhalter's attempts to marry her off, especially when the target is Klink.
- Brawn Hilda: She's shrewish and something of a control-freak. She's also the only recurring female in the show who isn't conventionally attractive.
- Tyrant Takes the Helm: Stalag 13 isn't that fun when she's in charge either...
Colonel Rodney Crittendon
Played by Bernard Fox
Group Captain (Colonel) Rodney Crittendon is a hopelessly incompetent British officer who crosses paths several times with Hogan and his crew. Crittendon believes that a POW's only focus should be escape. When first transferred to Stalag 13 from Stalag 18, Hogan posed a hypothetical question to Crittendon asking what he would do if he were aware the POWs were engaged in spying and sabotage. Crittendon replies that he would report them to the German authorities, thus preventing himself from being included in the official mission of the Stalag 13 POWs. He ends up finding out about their set-up, but still fouls up operations through a mix of bad luck and incompetence.
- Born Lucky: Somehow. He may a Walking Disaster Area to everyone else, but he always comes out okay. Case in point, in "Crittendon's Commandos" Murphy's law in is full effect with the titular commandos getting captured and the heroes actually failing to get their intended target...yet Crittendon avoids capture by sheer luck and the guy they end up accidentally sending to England turns out to be the very guy he was sent to rescue in the first place!
- Subverted in some cases, though. He just can't seem to pull off an escape.
- Character Development: He started off as a completely incompetent and oblivious Miles Gloriosus; in his last episode he successfully helps Hogan and co. carry out a mission by impersonating an English traitor.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: The infamous Crittendon Plan is to plant geraniums along airstrips so that pilots have something pleasant to look at when they land. Seriously.
- Good Counterpart: He's the Allied version of Colonel Klink.
- General Failure: Every plan he comes up with he screws up. The man is a colonel, and somehow doesn't understand military time.
- The Klutz
- Know-Nothing Know-It-All
- Lawful Stupid: You saw that part about him telling Hogan he would have to inform the German authorities if he found out the prisoners were running a spy and sabotage ring because he was required to do so under the Geneva Convention, yes? Fortunately, he develops out of it... or at least out of the "Lawful" part...
- Lethally Stupid: He came close to blowing up the camp and once he almost caused Hogan to end up on a train rigged to blow.
- The Load: Every time he shows up, with one exception, he weighs Hogan and the boys down. Literally in one episode, when Hogan jabs him with an Instant Sedation syringe while raiding a hospital to grab an enemy VIP. They push him around on a gurney for a bit, and Newkirk nearly leaves him behind before Hogan drags him back to get Crittendon.
- Lord Error-Prone: Crittendon is so incompetent that Hogan feels the best place for him to serve the Allied war effort is in a German prisoner of war camp. Just not Stalag 13.Newkirk: You see, [Crittendon]'s life is in constant danger, and if any harm were to come to him, it would be a crippling blow to the German war effort.
- Miles Gloriosus
- The Neidermeyer: Those plans to kill him aren't entirely sarcastic.
- Not So Different: From Klink.
- The Obi-Wannabe: He tries to act wise and take command from Colonel Hogan, but all he comes up with is an endless string of bad ideas and plans. His plan to assassinate a scientist involves a crossbow. And then progresses on to using high explosives. To kill one guy.
- Oblivious to Hints: Hogan and crew often try first to subtly convince him to let them continue with their own plans. He doesn't take the hints.
- Pointy-Haired Boss
- Punch! Punch! Punch! Uh Oh.../What the Fu Are You Doing?: He once tries to take out Corporal Kohler, who's guarding a truck (see below), using his "killer judo". Doesn't do too well.
- Quintessential British Gentleman: Bernard Fox had a habit of playing this type of character and Col. Rodney Crittendon is no exception.
- Rules Lawyer: Especially evident during his introduction when he says he would turn the prisoners in if he found them conducting sabotage operations because that would violate the laws and customs of war.
- Small Name, Big Ego: To an even greater extent than Klink. Whereas Klink seems to realize just how out of his depth he would be in combat, Crittendon never does. He's utterly convinced of his skill in battle.
- Spanner in the Works: He manages to screw up Colonel Hogan's plans just about every time he shows up. To give one example, he drives a truck loaded with explosives Hogan's crew had rigged to blow back from the factory they parked it at, straight into camp, and parks it beside their barracks.
- The Thing That Would Not Leave: If Crittendon appears, plans to get rid of him (or at least keep him as far away from the mission as possible) follow.
- Tyrant Takes the Helm: He's incompetent but he's bossy and a strict disciplinarian. And unfortunately for the heroes, he outranks Hogan,note which means they have to listen to him.
- Walking Disaster Area: When he's trying to help the mission he usually ends up wrecking it. He also apparently got a demolition squad he was working with killed somehow. If he and Hochstetter show up in the same episode, it's usually a toss-up to who the bigger threat to the Heroes is.
Played by Nita Talbot
Marya is a Soviet (although she insists she's a White Russian) spy who works occasionally with Hogan, but whom he doesn't entirely trust. She often appears as the trusted assistant or lover of some high-ranking German officer or scientist. Her mission is often to either discredit or destroy said officer or scientist, as she notes that "Hitler can't be expected to kill all of his generals." Her schemes often come into conflict with Hogan's plans, but she always proves to be either faithful to the Allied cause or to have compatible causes of her own.
- Abhorrent Admirer: Looking at her, she's doesn't seem so bad... but Hogan and, especially Klink don't exactly approve of her affections for them (mostly because both of them know that if Marya appears, trouble follows).
- Always Someone Better: Marya is the one character in the series to consistently get the better of Hogan.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Given the way she acts, you'd never guess she's a hypercompetent secret agent.
- Catchphrase: Hogan, DARRRLIIING!
- The Chessmaster: She actually outplays Hogan.
- Complexity Addiction: To rival Hogan. Most of her plans involve getting the Heroes into trouble so they'll help her out in some bizarre way. Of course, Hogan says multiple times (as in just about every time she shows up) if she'd only asked instead of getting them backed into a corner, he'd have helped her anyway.Carter: Pardon me, sir, but every time she shows up, don't things tend to get a bit, well, confused?
- Decoy Damsel: All those poor German officers she hooks up with. They have no idea what they are getting themselves into. One does, and he still winds up played.
- Double Agent
- Femme Fatale Spy: Attractive woman? Yes. Hob knobs with the German elite? Yes. Actually a Russian spy? Yeah.
- Genius Ditz: She's one of the finest intelligence operatives to appear on the show, which says a lot considering she shares the screen with the Heroes. She is also a complete and utter loon.
- Honey Trap: She made a career out of it.
- Indy Ploy: Her plans often center around purposefully getting Hogan and company into an unpleasant situation and then trusting that whatever wacky scheme they come up with to get out of the situation will benefit her cause as well, despite having no idea what they're specifically going to do.
- Large Ham
- Lady of Adventure: There is never a dull moment when Marya is around.
- The Nicknamer: Hogan is notably the only character she calls by name. She calls LeBeau her "Small One" and her General of the week by the some term of endearment.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: She acts the part of an oversexed, materialistic flirt but her plans often run circles around Hogan himself.
- Only One Name: We never know her last name or even if Marya is actually her real first name.
- Phony Psychic: One of her covers.
- Pretty in Mink
- Sensual Slav
- Spanner in the Works: She's not averse to putting Hogan in a tight spot to accomplish her own goals. Actually, it tends to be her MO. On the other hand, she never prevents Hogan from getting his job done as well.
- Too Kinky to Torture: Hogan once has to tie her up and knock her out with the butt of his gun so it will look like she wasn't involved with the events. She's ecstatic about it and Hogan can't bring himself to do it, so he gives her the gun and tells her to knock herself out. She does it with great eagerness. After asking if Hogan's refusal to crack her across the head meant he didn't really love her.
- The Vamp: All the German generals she hooks up with wind up dead or Allied prisoners.
- Women Are Wiser: The most prominent female character in the show is also (probably) the most intelligent and cunning.
- Who Needs Enemies?: Marya actually came closer than the Germans to getting Hogan killed a couple of times. Mainly because she straight-up told a few German generals about Hogan's activities.
Played by Arlene MartelA member of the French Resistance. Her real name is Marie Louise Monet.
- Action Girl: She is a major operative in the Underground.
- Distressed Damsel: Has to be saved by Hogan twice.
- Offscreen Moment of Awesome: Apparently, sometime between "Hold That Tiger" and "Operation Tiger", she saved Hogan's life on a mission.
- Samus Is a Girl: The original plan in her introduction episode was for her to switch places with LeBeau, which was scrapped immediately when he realized she was a woman.note