The Joker
I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet... something like that. Something like that... happened to me, you know. I'm — not exactly sure what it was. If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!
Okay, so there's this comic who can't make an audience laugh... I think that's how this one goes, I forget sometimes... oh, you've heard that one? All right. Ah, I can't keep 'em straight. How about the one where a mob killer named Napier comes to Gotham and - no, wait, you're too young for that one. I know. This one always works. So a small-time yutz in a Red Hood walks into a factory, right? He's there to steal the payroll...
The Joker: [describing his origin] ...and it was all his fault.
Hugo Strange: Whose fault? Batman's?
The Joker: Who else?
Hugo Strange: Yours.
The Joker: Come again??
Hugo Strange: Let me tell you what I believe. I believe that you have fabricated a series of events that you use to conceal the truth about your condition. I have read twelve different accounts of your past. All different, except for one detail: Batman.
The Joker: What can I say? I like to keep things interesting. A wise man once told me that if you have to have an origin story, you're better off making it multiple choice.
Hugo Strange: Whose fault? Batman's?
The Joker: Who else?
Hugo Strange: Yours.
The Joker: Come again??
Hugo Strange: Let me tell you what I believe. I believe that you have fabricated a series of events that you use to conceal the truth about your condition. I have read twelve different accounts of your past. All different, except for one detail: Batman.
The Joker: What can I say? I like to keep things interesting. A wise man once told me that if you have to have an origin story, you're better off making it multiple choice.
"I prefer not to think of it as multiple choice... it's more like Choose Your Own Adventure."
But before he became the Clown Prince of Crime, who was he? A thief who accidentally got his pregnant wife killed? A mob boss who stabbed Batman's girlfriend? A petty thug in the wrong place at the wrong time? Nobody knows for sure, not even the Joker himself.
— Boomstick on the Joker, DEATH BATTLE!note
Dr. Young: Wait, how did you get access to a phone?
The Joker: Oh, yes, sorry, Doc, had to split. I hate small, confined spaces; reminds me of my childhood.
Dr. Young: Another lie?
The Joker: Who knows? I certainly don't, but let's not get distracted with details.
The Joker: Oh, yes, sorry, Doc, had to split. I hate small, confined spaces; reminds me of my childhood.
Dr. Young: Another lie?
The Joker: Who knows? I certainly don't, but let's not get distracted with details.
Batman: You're a fool. The Joker doesn't love anything except maybe himself. Face reality, Harleen—Joker had you pegged for hired help the minute you walked into Arkham.
Harley Quinn: That's not... No. NO! H-He told me things, secret things he never told anyone...
Batman: What did he tell you, Harley? Was it the line about the abusive father, or the one about the alcoholic mom? Of course, the runaway orphan story is particularly moving, too. He's gained a lot of sympathy with that one.
Harley Quinn: Stop it!! You're making me confused!
Batman: What was it he told that one parole officer? Oh, yes... "There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy. He took me to the ice show when I was seven..."
Harley Quinn: Circus. He said it was the circus.
Batman: He's got a million of them Harley. Like any other comedian, he uses whatever material will work.
Harley Quinn: That's not... No. NO! H-He told me things, secret things he never told anyone...
Batman: What did he tell you, Harley? Was it the line about the abusive father, or the one about the alcoholic mom? Of course, the runaway orphan story is particularly moving, too. He's gained a lot of sympathy with that one.
Harley Quinn: Stop it!! You're making me confused!
Batman: What was it he told that one parole officer? Oh, yes... "There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy. He took me to the ice show when I was seven..."
Harley Quinn: Circus. He said it was the circus.
Batman: He's got a million of them Harley. Like any other comedian, he uses whatever material will work.
— The Batman Adventures: Mad Love
Jacqui Briggs: Just who are you under the makeup?
The Joker: That's the million dollar question, dearie.
Jacqui Briggs: How about I shoot it off and we'll see?
The Joker: That's the million dollar question, dearie.
Jacqui Briggs: How about I shoot it off and we'll see?
—Mortal Kombat 11 intro dialogue
Other Quotes
Colette: Horst has done time.
Linguini: What for?
Colette: No one know for sure. He changes the story every time you ask him.
Horst: [in a series of flashbacks]
I defrauded a major corporation.
I robbed the second-largest bank in France using only a ballpoint pen.
I created a hole in the ozone over Avignon.
I killed a man... with THIS thumb!
Linguini: What for?
Colette: No one know for sure. He changes the story every time you ask him.
Horst: [in a series of flashbacks]
I defrauded a major corporation.
I robbed the second-largest bank in France using only a ballpoint pen.
I created a hole in the ozone over Avignon.
I killed a man... with THIS thumb!
I took a look at my thoughts, my appearance, my expressions, my mannerisms and idiosyncracies and didn't like them. So I stripped myself down, chucked things out and replaced them with a completely new personality. When I heard someone say something intelligent, I used it later as if it were my own. When I saw a quality in someone that I liked, I took it. I still do that.
And that's how Equestria was made!... Maybe on the way home, I can tell you the story of how I got my cutie mark. It's a gem!
— Pinkie Pie after trying to tell the story of how she got her cutie mark, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, "The Cutie-Mark Chronicles"
In order to prevent knowledge of SCP-001
from being leaked, several/no false SCP-001 files have been created alongside the true file/files.
from being leaked, several/no false SCP-001 files have been created alongside the true file/files.J.D: NO! No more! Here are some of the lies you've told us over the last five years: You went to Harvard. You have a wife who only has a pointer and "thumb-pinky". You have a, a "brother-dad", a "mother-sister"? You have two kids, no, wait, you have one kid, no, you had a baby with a Chinese local! You're a deaf mute! Oh, wait, now you're telling us that you're a world-class hurdler and you slept with the beautiful and irreplaceable Amy Carter?
Janitor: I-I didn't sleep with Amy Carter. We did everything but.
J.D: (groans)
Janitor: And I really was a world-class hurdler.
Janitor: I-I didn't sleep with Amy Carter. We did everything but.
J.D: (groans)
Janitor: And I really was a world-class hurdler.
— Scrubs
Bashir: You know, I still have a lot of questions to ask you about the past.
Garak: I've given you all the answers I'm capable of.
Bashir: You've given me answers, alright, but they were all different. What I want to know is, out of all the stories you've told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?
Garak: My dear Doctor, they're all true.
Bashir: Even the lies?
Garak: Especially the lies.
Garak: I've given you all the answers I'm capable of.
Bashir: You've given me answers, alright, but they were all different. What I want to know is, out of all the stories you've told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?
Garak: My dear Doctor, they're all true.
Bashir: Even the lies?
Garak: Especially the lies.
— Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "The Wire"
Missy: The whole city is a machine to turn people into Cybermen. What do you think? Exciting, isn't it? Watching the Cybermen getting started?
Doctor: They always get started. They happen everywhere there's people. Mondas, Telos, Earth, Planet 14, Marinus. Like sewage, smartphones and Donald Trump, some things are just inevitable.
Doctor: They always get started. They happen everywhere there's people. Mondas, Telos, Earth, Planet 14, Marinus. Like sewage, smartphones and Donald Trump, some things are just inevitable.
— Doctor Who, "The Doctor Falls"
What war did Meier serve in, anyway? Straighten his back, slick back his hair and it would be easy to imagine him as a Nazi officer, ordering the murder of concentration camp victims by the dozen. More likely, he was a lowly propaganda artist, spending long nights over an easel to ensure that the Jews looked as foul and monstrous as possible while the brave Aryan lads stood tall and noble. Alternatively, his crimes might have been a little closer to home for small-town America: perhaps he was a soldier in Vietnam who served as accomplice at a massacre like My Lai. Or a gang executioner, working for The Mafia or cocaine traffickers. In the World of Darkness, Meier may have served in a war no one ever heard of. Was he the ghoul of a vampire, a blood-junkie murdering innocents across the decades to avenge the pride of one of the Damned? Maybe he was a sorcerer's apprentice, performing kidnappings and torture to further a feud between two cabals of the mysterious Pentacle. Finally, it might have been a war everyone's heard of, and one long before the atrocities of the 20th century: maybe he fought in the American Revolution, or The Peloponnesian War. Perhaps Meier was once a creature of glorious light and bloody hands, an angel who rebelled against his master — or served too well...
Today, though, he's just an old man. He wants to be left alone, and he'll do anything to make sure of it.
Today, though, he's just an old man. He wants to be left alone, and he'll do anything to make sure of it.
— Midnight Roads, New World of Darkness
"Everything you think you know about me was a lie told by me to confuse someone, or conjecture from someone who'd be in no position to know. So yeah, maybe I'm a fragment of Unicron, because maybe Planet X used to BE Unicron. And maybe I'm his avatar made manifest and untethered once he collapsed into a giant singularity. And maybe I'm from the Cybertronian Empire.note And maybe I'm just an ordinary Autobot who went crazy from Powerlinxing to the wrong Mini-Cons. Maybe I'm all of those things, or none. And you know what the best part is? You'll. Never. Know."
—Sideways, a Transformers villain who appears in multiple continuities as maybe-the-same-guy-or-not, explains his Continuity Snarl
Terry: I loved you in Family Matters. Carl Winslow made me want to become a cop.
Jake: Come on, Terry, you already have like six other reasons you became a cop. This is not your moment. [To Reginald VelJohnson] For the record, this is the first time I've even heard him mention Family Matters.
Jake: Come on, Terry, you already have like six other reasons you became a cop. This is not your moment. [To Reginald VelJohnson] For the record, this is the first time I've even heard him mention Family Matters.
—Brooklyn Nine-Nine, "Bachelor/ette Party"
Henry: Yeah. I killed my mama. One night. It was my 14th birthday. She was drunk, and we had an argument. She hit me with a whiskey bottle. I shot her. I shot her dead.
Becky: I thought you said you stabbed her.
Henry: Oh yeah, that's right, I stabbed her.
Becky: I thought you said you stabbed her.
Henry: Oh yeah, that's right, I stabbed her.
Young Alice: ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR MIND!!??
Young Bill: There was a rock and I was tryin' to —
Young Alice: Do you know how badly you could've been hurt!?!?! (presenting her prosthetic leg) How do you think I lost my leg!!??!!
Young Bill: I don't know, the story keeps changing!!
Young Bill: There was a rock and I was tryin' to —
Young Alice: Do you know how badly you could've been hurt!?!?! (presenting her prosthetic leg) How do you think I lost my leg!!??!!
Young Bill: I don't know, the story keeps changing!!
—Big City Greens, Green Acres
