Fanfic / Zillo Beast for Chancellor!

The Zillo Beast is captured and brought to Coruscant. However, it escapes, like in canon. Unlike canon, it manages to achieve her goal. Now Fox has to deal with a 60 kiloton lizard that sees him and his brothers as hatchlings, Anakin has a breakdown, things are fixed, and a new Supreme Chancellor is needed. In a bout of insomnia-induced insanity, Fox gains a terrible idea. Strap yourselves in.

— AO3 Summary

Zillo Beast for Chancellor! is a Star Wars Crack Fic by The_Plauge_Dragon, writer of The Abomination Quirk, Poisoned Blood, and Clone Musume, on Archive of Our Own.

Inspired by Chancellor Zilobeast, this fanfic sees Palpatine get eaten by the Zillo Beast during its rampage across Coruscant. Madness ensues as Fox invokes a long-forgotten piece of legislature to ensure that a new chancellor takes office while everyone else deals with the fallout.

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This fanfic provides examples of:

• Adaptational Badass:
  • Queen Karina is Force-sensitive in this continuity, though she didn't know she had a connection to the Force prior to the Second Battle of Geonosis. Luminara even states that Karina asked her if levitating objects and herself was normal.
  • Prime Minister Almec is a former member of the True Mandalorians who survived the events of Galidraan rather than the Non-Action Guy politician he was in canon.
  • Jaster Mereel is Force-sensitive due to the Force using unspecified means to ensure that he wasn't killed after the fall of the True Mandalorians at Galidraan.
• Adaptational Heroism: Karina the Great reveals to Corric that she originally intended to embark upon a campaign of peaceful expansion for her people and bring Geonosis into the Republic as a manufacturer of droids and other appliances comparable to Kuat. Unfortunately, Poggle the Lesser betrayed her by elevating Karina into a living god, effectively cutting her off from her subjects as Poggle became the leader of the Geonosians in everything but name.
• Adaptational Name Change: Fox renames the Zillo Beast Shanzi after she's elected Chancellor.
• And There Was Much Rejoicing: The 501st Legion erupts into raucous cheering after Anakin informs them about Palpatine's death. Considering how Palps was grooming Anakin into being his pawn, they have every right to be happy about his demise.
• The Atoner: Anakin, who still feels guilt over his massacre of the Tuskens who harmed and ultimately killed his mother, goes to A'Sharad Hett to talk about the event and find a way to make up for that mistake.
• Badass Bureaucrat: Fox is a skilled Clone Captain, intimately familiar with Republic Law and its various loopholes and obscurities, exceptionally good at deception, and was responsible for doing most of the Chancellor's day-to-day paperwork when Palpatine was in charge.
• Berserk Button: As Jaster reveals to the Coruscant Guard, the phrase "Kyr'tsad liser va saca par surwearoe" is a surefire way to tick off Death Watch members.
• Broken Pedestal:
  • Padme loses whatever respect she had for Palpatine after Fox shows her the evidence he compiled of him grooming Anakin.
  • Anakin is quite shaken after he watches Fox's video on the ways Palpatine was grooming him prior to his death, noting that what the former Supreme Chancellor was basically made him the type of Depur so horrendous that all the other Depurs would try to stop him.
• Clingy Jealous Guy: Anakin receives a manual from Obi-Wan on how to (subtly) act like one for his mission to spy on Rush Clovis with Padme.
• Contrived Coincidence: Everyone finds Palpatine naming Kukull as his successor right after his death highly suspicious considering how neither of them even talked to each other prior to Palps' death.
• The Dog Bites Back: Fox relishes in the opportunity to avenge the mistreatment he and his fellow clones received at the hands of the senators, using his position as Shanzi's vizier to enact laws that cut into the various undeserved privileges they gained under Palpatine's tenure with a vengeance.
• Drowning My Sorrows: Obi-Wan takes to the bottle after Cody showed him evidence of Palpatine grooming Anakin.
• The Empath/Telepathy: The Zillo Beast can sense emotions and thoughts as well as communicate without needing to speak (not that she really can) due to her connection to the Force.
• Everybody Must Get Stoned: Anakin, to his disgust, learns that the Gala is practically an excuse for most Senators to gorge themselves on spice and do whatever the fuck they want without any repercussions.
• Everyone Can See It: Fox remarks that Padme and Anakin need to do better with keeping their marriage secret after he helps her ward off Orn Free Taa.
• Everyone Has Standards:
  • All of the clones were disgusted at Palpatine's preying on Anakin and worked together to create a file on Palpatine containing all the times Palps took advantage of Anakin's trust to mold him into his pawn.
  • Padme is distraught after Fox reveals all the evidence he gathered of Palpatine grooming Anakin to her.
  • Plo Koon was furious when he was informed about a bill that would have allowed people to use the clones for sexual purposes and nearly fell to the Dark Side in his rage.
  • Ahsoka made herself a Palpatine punching bag to vent her rage with after the clones informed her of him grooming her master Anakin.
  • Shanzi is none too happy about a proposed bill that would have let clones be bet in games of chance like any piece of property and ends up devouring the senator who proposed it.
  • As Padme tells Anakin, she and her fellow non-corrupt senators hate the fact that not only is the Gala an excuse for senators to get high on spice, but they can't do anything about it since the Gala is classified as "top-secret".
• Evil-Detecting Dog: The Zillo Beast can sense malicious intent from its Force abilities, which comes in handy for tracking down and killing one Sheev Palpatine on Coruscant. She can also siphon Dark Side energy to nourish herself, which she does when she licks Anakin to cleanse him of the darkness that was on him from being with Palpatine.
• Gender Flip: The Zillo Beast is explicitly stated to be female.
• Giant Equals Invincible: As a Zillo Beast, Shanzi is Nigh-Invulnerable to all kinds of blaster fire and packs a massive punch with her great strength.
• Happily Married: Bly and Aayla are legally married and are quite happy with their current arrangement.
• Headache of Doom: Mace Windu explains in his message to Anakin that had to deal with a lot of these thanks to all the Shatterpoints surrounding him, thus explaining his constant grimacing whenever Anakin was in the same area as him.
• Headdesk: Anakin slams his head onto the table that he, Padme, Bail Organa, and Mon Mothma are sitting at during the Gala after he learns that they drink themselves into hangovers to forget about how the Gala is little more than an opportunity for all the other Senators to get high on spice and participate in all kinds of debauchery.
• Heroic BSoD: Anakin is shaken to find out that Palpatine was grooming him thanks to Fox exposing it in time before it got any worse.
• Hoist by His Own Petard: Fox makes things very clear to the Senate when Mas Amedda accuses him for not keeping Palpatine safe by saying that his death was completely his own fault by rejecting Mace's idea of keeping the Zillo Beast in a nature preserve far away from the City Planet that is Coruscant and selfishly trying to use a one man shuttle to escape from the beast all for himself.
• If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her...: Clovis warns Anakin that if he ever fails in taking good care of Padme or mistreat her in any way, he will use his wealth to hire every bounty hunter in the Outer Rim, arm them with slugthrowers, and order them to hunt down Anakin to the ends of the galaxy.
• I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Clovis' plan to provide the Naboo sector with its own droid factory for protecting itself and exposing the Trade Federation's scheme to rebuild their droid foundries serves as his way to ensure that Padme can rest easier knowing that she's in good hands with Anakin.
• Intimidation Demonstration: The Zillo Beast eats Taa's pod along with him before spitting the corpulent senator out without any injuries to shut the other senators up when they make a ruckus during Fox's testimony.
• It Began with a Twist of Fate: Thanks to Clovis alerting the Republic about the Trade Federation's plans to rebuild their droid factories, the Republic is able to neutralize Geonosis' defenses much quicker than they did in canon and even make the Geonosians surrender to their forces.
• It Can Think: Fox tells Anakin and Padme that the Zillo Beast is very much sentient.
• It's All My Fault: Rex tells Anakin that Obi-Wan was screaming into the chat of the 212th that he failed Anakin in letting Palpatine get close to him right under his nose.
• Lampshade Hanging: In the Clone Commander holochat, Cody notes that Palpatine could declare himself Emperor without any objections from the Senate thanks to all the laws he passed giving him more and more power while making the Senate even more corrupt than it already was prior to the Clone Wars.
• The Mole: Rush Clovis, who's secretly loyal to the Republic, undermines the Separatists by tricking the Trade Federation into funding the construction of a droid factory on the planet Umgul that provides the Republic with plenty of battle droids that can be used for defending the Naboo sector from Separatist attack.
• Mythology Gag: During the Jedi Council meeting about the Rush Clovis mission, Mace Windu states that Anakin would probably duel him and chuck him out a window if he made Padme commit adultery for the sake of the mission, referencing the battle between Anakin and Mace in Revenge of the Sith.
• Not Quite Dead: Palpatine hijacks the body of Fedallian senator Kukull to escape being eaten by the Zillo Beast.
• Pass the Popcorn: After Fox gets his idea to potentially have the Zillo Beast replace Palpatine as Chancellor, Yoda comments that trying that can only end poorly and that he wants popcorn. When Rex mentions the plan to the Red Guard, one of them says the same thing.
• Pet the Dog: The Zillo Beast catches Goose in her hand and drops him off somewhere safe when he's knocked off of his platform during her rampage.
• The Power of Love: Senator Giddean Danu narrowly avoids having his body stolen by Palpatine by using his memories of all the good times he spent with his family to fight back against Palpatine's malefic influence.
• Pragmatic Hero: While Giddean Danu is just as anti-Palpatine and pro-clone rights as Padme and her allies, he also wants the war to continue since it's been providing a lot of economical benefits to his homeworld Kuat thanks to all the warships being churned out from its shipyards. At the same time, he does not want to artificially draw the war out, with him despising Palpatine for doing so by refusing to let Kuat upgrade the Venator-class (that would turn it from a Master of None to a more specialized carrier, and would remove the necessity of having to work with the obviously Separatist-aligned Techno Union to produce them, an issue with the normal Venators) or start production of the significantly more combat effective Imperator-class, and Kuat is already working on a line of civilian ships for sale post-war.
• Properly Paranoid: Giddean Danu made sure to keep the funding of the Imperator-class Star Destroyers a secret given that Palpatine would have done his best to stonewall the development of those ships if he found out, making it look like he was diverting Venator development funds into his own coffers.
• Rules Lawyer: Fox is very familiar with Republic law thanks to all the studying he did on his down time and having to handle all the things Palpatine didn't feel like dealing with, which proves handy in electing Shanzi chancellor.
• Shipper on Deck: Shanzi ships Obi-Wan and Satine together, much to the embarrassment of both. Jaster also ships them, revealing that one of his options for dealing with Satine if she refuses to work with the True Mandalorians is to exile her; specifically, to Obi-Wan's quarters in the Jedi Temple.
• Shown Their Work: An In-Universe example with Fox's documentary on grooming, which is stated to have been very thorough in perusing Tatooine slave culture in its explanation of how Palpatine was molding Anakin into his pawn.
• So Proud of You: Mace Windu states in his recorded message to Anakin that he and the other Jedi Council members will fast-track his promotion to Jedi Master for his dedication to carrying out the will of the Force. Naturally, Anakin isn't too happy about being inadvertently reminded of his massacre of the Tusken Raiders who kidnapped and killed his mom.
• Spared by the Adaptation:
  • Karina survives the Second Battle of Geonosis and brings Geonosis into the Republic shortly after Poggle is apprehended by Republic forces.
  • Jaster Mereel is still alive thanks to the intervention of the Force and is rebuilding the True Mandalorians from the shadows.
• Strange Minds Think Alike: Both Yoda and a member of the Red Guard respond to Rex's idea to have the Zillo Beast become the new Chancellor by saying it will only end poorly and that they want popcorn. When the Red Guard makes the comment, Fox responds that Yoda said something to the same general effect.
• Team Mom: The Zillo Beast adopts a motherly role towards the clone troopers and views them as her own hatchlings, much to the chagrin of Shaak Ti.
• Too Dumb to Live: The senator who proposed a bill that would have let clones be bet in games of chance like property attempts to shoot Shanzi, who is Immune to Bullets, with a blaster after she lets her displeasure towards that piece of legislation known. She's Eaten Alive by Shanzi for her troubles.
• Undying Loyalty: While 80% of Satine's guards are secretly part of the True Mandalorians, Jaster makes it clear to Satine that they place their duty to protect her above their loyalty to the True Mandalorians, to the point that they would fight against him if he attempt a coup, which is part of the reason why he hasn't done so. The other parts are that Obi-Wan would inevitably find out about it and destroy the True Mandalorians, and that he truly respects Satine and her devotion to Mandalore and wishes to work with her against the Death Watch.
• Vengeance Feels Empty: While Anakin understands Boba's hatred for Mace due to him killing Jango, he dissuades him from going through with his revenge plan due to Anakin himself feeling nothing but emptiness after murdering the Tuskens responsible for killing Shmi, something that the unmodified clone would feel had he actually gone through with killing Mace Windu.
• Villainous Breakdown: The Death Watch member that Almec interrogates flies into a panic when Jaster shows up at the prison they're held in, screaming that he was supposed to be dead.
• We Need a Distraction: Clovis requests Anakin that he provide a distraction big enough for both men and Padme to escape from Cato Neimoidia after Clovis' trap has been set into motion. Anakin proceeds to create said distraction by torching Lott Dod's palace.
• What the Hell, Hero?: Bo-Katan is not happy at Satine for basically turning her back on Mandalore's culture and traditions, even if she had good intentions behind her actions.
• Wouldn't Hurt a Child: Pretty much the only thing that the New and True Mandalorians agree on is that children should not be harmed in any capacity, with Mereel noting that even Death Watch is not so stupid to harm children since that would hurt their admittedly low standing even further. When someone poisons Mandalorian children at a school, Satine is fine with handing the corrupt superintendant of the school, who took bribes from the group responsible, over to the True Mandalorians to torture information out of him.