This troper was born onto this messed-up mudball
on November 6, 1972. He is an aspiring professional poker player, a metal-head, a Libertarian voter, a person who likes anime but isn't a full-blown otaku, and many other things that will be elaborated below.
Tropes applicable to me include, but are not necessarily limited to, the following:
- Angrish: Often happens when I'm doing badly at one video game or another.
- Ave Machina, Living Forever Is Awesome: Transhumanism FTW, baby! If I were to gain the ability to physically enter a fictional world a la Last Action Hero or Purple Rose of Cairo, my first choice would easily be the world of Ghost in the Shell. Having an artificial body that has all the sensory capability of an organic one and then some, that has a flawless long-term memory, that never ages, that can be built to practically any specifications I want, and that, if it does get irreparably damaged, can be easily replaced? What the hell isn't there to love? Being able to practice close-quarters combat with The Major would be merely the proverbial icing on the cake.
- Brilliant, but Lazy: If I'd only done my homework consistently in high school, I'd have been a lock for class valedictorian. As it was, though, since I already did a more than adequate job of learning the subject matter in the classroom itself, homework was seen as pointlessly boring. That situation didn't stop my teachers from counting my lack of homework against me, though, and I wound up with a measly C+ average.
- Chaotic Neutral: I took four different online D&D alignment tests on different occasions. The results were: strongly Chaotic Good (once), strongly Chaotic Neutral (once), and Chaotic Neutral with some Evil tendencies (twice). I chalk the latter up to yet another example of Values Dissonance. Whereas the standard D&D alignment system assumes "altruism = good, selfishness = evil", I, like certain authors, am not afraid to admit that selfishness not only isn't always wrong, but is often right. Yes, I often do good things for others, but I always keep in mind that seeing other people happy makes ME feel good (this is especially true during sex, where about 90% of my pleasure is gained from making sure my partner/s is/are being pleased as much as they can tolerate).
- Deadpan Snarker
- Discontinuity: There is not, and never was, any such place as Yberia.
- Doing It for the Art: This will be the case for any form of entertainment I ever get published, regardless of the medium on which it is delivered.
- Dropped a Bridget on Him: My long hair has caused the occasional person standing behind me to call me "ma'am".
- Evil Laugh: Get to know me better, and I might just let you hear it one day.
- Furry Fandom: I've never been to a furry convention, and have never done any real-life furry cosplaying, but I still like furry artwork.
- Going Commando: I haven't worn underwear of any kind for the last 20 years or so.
- No Blood Ties: The fact that I see this trope as a good thing, and most of the rest of the world doesn't, is the main reason why I am quite happily childless.
- Not a Morning Person: Barring important appointments, my day often ends at around 06:00.
- Poster-Gallery Bedroom: To a lesser degree, the rest of my apartment qualifies as well. The posters and wall scrolls adorning the walls cover a variety of western cartoons, movies, anime, and video games spanning the last two decades.
- Proud to Be a Geek
- Pungeon Master: True on a good day, once I really get rolling.
- Raised by Grandparents: This was true for the first 12 and a half years of my life, after which I moved across the country to live with my mother and step-father.
- Rapunzel Hair: I've had quite long hair for most of my adult life, at least down to the middle of my back. However, as the years move on, nature is beginning to subvert this trope against my will. * le sigh*
- Special Snowflake Syndrome: My RPG characters have a tendency to fall into this category. Hell, in D&D Edition 3.5, pretty much my sole reason for playing a human is for the bonus feat and bonus skill points. In fact, when 3rd Edition was initially released, the very first character I created was a dwarf wizard, for no other reason than that the rules finally allowed it.
- The Gods Must Be Lazy: I've been a deist for pretty much my whole life, despite not knowing until sometime in my early twenties that the term "deism" even existed. In my opinion, it's one thing to believe that the universe (or, at the very least, the staggering array of lifeforms on this planet) may have been created by an intelligent being. On the other hand, believing that said being would care even one-tenth as much about us puny humans as various religions proclaim—what we eat, what clothing we wear (if any), on what days we work, with whom we have sex, and so on—is just plain silly.
- Twofer Token Minority: Threefer, actually. Bisexual, non-theistic, and mildly (but noticeably) physically disabled.
- Values Dissonance: And friggin' how!
- Would Hit a Girl: Women, if you want to be considered the equal of us men (which I gladly support), be prepared to accept all the consequences of equal opportunity, not just the good ones. I don't get into fights often; however, if you're female, and successfully provoke a fight with me, I won't give you even a tiny shred of mercy above and beyond what a male adversary would get.
Tropes that I subvert on a regular basis include, but are not necessarily limited to, the following:
- Acrofatic: I stand 5 feet, 8 inches tall and weigh (at the time of this edit) about 300 pounds. I can walk, and during an urgent situation, I can walk fast, but due to certain physical issues that I've dealt with since birth, that's about the full extent of my athletic ability.
- Basement-Dweller: You might have expected otherwise from reading many of the other tropes listed here, but I've been on my own since Bill Clinton was still a governor.
- Covert Pervert: Ain't nothin' covert about it, baby. * wicked grin*
- Long-Haired Pretty Boy: As I've already mentioned, I do have the hair for this. Also, I believe that beauty comes in packages of all shapes and sizes (Mmm. Bull Nakano. * pant, pant, drool* ), and have never had any self-esteem issues regarding my own weight. However, if I'm to have any chance at being the one who gets mobbed by a horde of squeeing fangirls at an anime convention, I'll have to lose at least 70 pounds, and do it before I start getting old and wrinkly.
- Rage Quit: Subverted considerably more often than not.
- Sibling Rivalry: Averted, since I have no siblings.
Then, there are other tropes of a specific category, numerous enough to warrant their own respective sections on this page:
- Big Eater: I like food, and it typically likes me.
- Blazing Inferno Hellfire Sauce: What most Americans outside of Texas call "hot", I call "mild". What * I* call "hot", they call "friggin' lethal".
- Blessed Are the Cheesemakers: Oh, hell yes!
- Drink Order: Depends on the nature of the drink.
- (Soft Drinks) Mountain Dew if that's available; otherwise, root beer.
- (Beer) Stout, preferably Guinness. Sorry, fellow Americans, but if one can pour it into a clean, clear glass, and still see anything through the glass, it DOES NOT truly qualify as beer.
- (Harder Stuff) Jack Daniel's, please, and make it a double.
- (Gargle Blaster) Not my usual fare, but I'm not averse to trying one, either.
- Must Have Caffeine: Ain't that the goddamn truth.
- Real Men Eat Meat: Vegetarians, I respect your right to live your lives as you see fit. That having been said, vegetarianism is something of a turn-off for me. Not a severe turn-off, but a turn-off just the same. My cave-dwelling ancestors did NOT battle their way to the top of this planet's food chain so that I could
live on subsist on tofu and sprouts, thankyouverymuch.
- Stock Yuck: Subverted with fruit cake (which I like), blue cheese (I'd eat at least a half-pound every week if it weren't so hideously expensive), and especially anchovies (can't get enough of 'em on pizza, if I'm fortunate enough to be ordering pizza from somewhere that even has 'em). Played straight with cream cheese (the one and only kind of cheese I have never really liked), and especially diet soda and decaf coffee (without the caffeine in either beverage, and without the sugar in the soda, what's the damn point?).
Love, Sex, and Other Erotic Things
- Aroused by Their Voice: Several of my long-distance acquaintances have had this happen to them when we've chatted on the phone.
- Bi the Way: On the Kinsey Scale, I'm somewhere around 2.
- Brains and Bondage: I'm mostly a top, but I'll gladly switch roles for/with the right woman.
- Ethical Slut: The word "open" in "open relationship" does not apply solely to one's bedroom door. Communication and honesty are essential even in monogamous relationships. When polyamory and/or swinging comes into play, the need for such things increases exponentially.
- Everyone Is Bi, Free-Love Future: If I were approached by a genie, or some other entity with the power to grant wishes on a godlike level, and informed that "you can choose one of these two tropes to immediately and permanently apply to the entire human race, but ONLY one", I would have a serious dilemma on my hands.
- Fidelity Test: On the off chance I spring one of these on someone, it'll be very much inverted. Keeping your pants/skirt/etc. on = automatic failure.
- Harem Seeker: My ideal poly relationship would consist of: myself, one other man, and two women as long-term partners, with various one-night stands as circumstances permit (not that said circumstances would necessarily occur very often with four of us living our lives under one roof; I'm just saying that it would never be rejected out of hand). Naturally, all four of us would be bi.
- Hell-Bent for Leather: A beautiful woman clad in leather and/or latex is major Fetish Fuel for me. Motorcycle, while a nice addition, is purely optional.
- Hot Amazon: The ability of a woman to kick ass (including mine) in a fight is a significant turn-on for me. Faced with a choice of celebrity PSL (not that I enjoy having to choose), you can have your Christina Aguileras, Pamela Andersons, and Stacy Kieblers, Mr. Average Guy. I'll gladly take a Chyna, Mia St. John, Michelle Yeoh, or Ronda Rousey. Hell, given her desire to do practically all her stunt-work herself, Jennifer Garner would also qualify (assuming I were able to do something about that pesky Ben fellow).
- Lad-ette: Not a requirement for a wife/girlfriend of mine, but it's a significant bonus.
- My Girl Is a Slut: Why would I ever want to turn a whore into a housewife? With the money she makes on her back, we could easily afford to hire a full-time housekeeper instead.
- Nice Guys Finish Last: All too common for me, it seems. * le sigh*
- Polyamory: Unlike the other turn-ons and turn-offs I mention on this page, this one is as mandatory as it gets. (BTW, before anyone asks...yes, I have given monogamy a fair try. Definitely not my thing. I'm happy for those people for whom it legitimately is their thing, but I really wish more people would take the time to figure that out for themselves, as opposed to blindly assuming that monogamy is the only right choice for any sane person who never was a hippie.)
- Spurned Into Suicide: This once nearly happened to me. I'll elaborate sometime in the future.
Perverse Sexual Lust
Anime & Manga
- The Sandman: I can't be the only one who'd love to have a near-Death experience.
- X-Men: Emma Frost, Gambit (he and his native cuisine are both hot as hell, thankyouverymuch), Mystique (btw, did you know that Rebecca Romijn, who played Mystique in the movies, was also born on 6 Nov 1972?), Magneto (depends on who voices him)
Pretty much any character played by any of the following people qualifies for a spot here:
- Cate Blanchett: I'm not the one on the PSL Film Troper Tales page who described Cate as "sex incarnate", but I fully agree with that troper's assessment. Galadriel? Mmmm, yes. Elizabeth I, the "Virgin Queen"? Well, in the immortal words of a certain Clancy Brown character, "Ahhh, not for much longer!" Ditto for the "Maid" part of "Maid Marion".
- The "sex incarnate" troper would be me, and there are no words for how grateful I am that someone else recognizes this. Maid Marion? Not bloody likely once I get my hands on her. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to retreat to my corner.
- Summer Glau: I, too, shall be in my bunk, where I wait for her to terminate me whenever she wants.
- Final Fantasy: Cecil Harvey, Dark Knight or Paladin version (4); Celes Chere (6); Sephiroth (7); Edea Kramer (8); Lulu, Rikku (X); Rikku, Paine (X-2); Fran (12); Fang (13)
- Fire Emblem: Lucius (BTW, if someone could point me toward some Lucius/Bridget action, I would be eternally grateful).
- Guilty Gear: Yes. I, too, am
gay shota for Bridget. (Yes, I know the meme says "gay", but I'm already bi, and no man is worth me giving up women.)
- Metal Gear Solid: Solid Snake, naturally.
- Metroid: Samus Aran, with or without her armor.
- Mortal Kombat: Sheeva. Mmmm, such tall, muscular, long-haired, four-armed yumminess, complete with "Trill spots".
- Portal: GLaDOS, of all things. Take another listen to her voice after her morality core is destroyed. At that point, it sounds quite sexy...well, in a warped, psychotic sort of way. (Of course, the fact that she's voiced by Ellen McLain doesn't hurt.)
- Street Fighter: British bombshell Cammy White certainly qualifies, as does Chun-Li with her thunder thighs. However, there are also a couple characters on the
male non-female side of the roster who also do it for me. First is the enigma known only as Q, from Third Strike. Am I the only troper on this site who'd like to get a closer look at whatever's beneath its coat and metal mask? Then, there's the awesome force that is Dan Hibiki. Mmmm. Yes, sifu Hibiki. Please, show me your Strongest Style in all its glory.
- Ĉon Flux: Not only is the title character smokin' hot, but her lover/arch-nemesis, Trevor Goodchild, ain't so bad, either.
- Teen Titans:
- Okay, let me say it now, just for the record: Me wikie Waven! She is much, much hotter than her comic-book counterpart (also, the fact that she's voiced by Tara Strong doesn't hurt). Also, unlike Starfire, she has just enough "bad girl" within her to make her even more desirable. What's that, Raven? Your evil, nasty, demonic father is making your life as much of a hell as the place he calls home? I shall keep you safe from all that, if you'll just step into my arms for a century or two.
- Definitely not Starfire. Robin, you can keep her. Blackfire, on the other hand...she and I could shoot off star-bolts together whenever she sees fit.
- Speaking of Robin, mmmmm, yes. Could he possibly be any more adorable, I ask you?! He has just enough inner turmoil (probably picked it up from his old mentor) to keep him out of "Good Is Boring" and keep him into "Pure yummy". Then there was that episode where Starfire got sent into the future. I can certainly see why Robin's future self produces so much squee from his female fans. Stupid sexy Nightwing.
- You've seen "Brains And Bondage" listed in a previous folder on my page, and you've seen "Evil Is Sexy" in this folder. I wouldn't normally take the submissive role with another man, but I'd strongly consider making an exception for Slade "Deathstroke" Wilson. (The fact that he's voiced by Ron Perlman certainly doesn't hurt.)
Back when this site was still accepting Troper Tales, I had contributed the following Troper Tales to their respective relevant pages:
I have made the following predictions on their respective relevant WMG pages:
Wild Mass Guesses
If you have any comments, fellow tropers, feel free to leave them in the following section.
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