"My humor is so dark it goes to work on the cotton fields"I am me. Eternal Dark, Yami, CC Yami, Stellamani, I have many names and many titles that will freeze the blood in your veins out of sheer terror over the complete stupidity of mankind. I am a self-destructive Author/Programming Student/Pervert from germany. Despite this, I sorely lack any kind of efficiency. My ancestors will roll in their tombs out of misery over this. If they did not run out of air yet. I created my own evil Empire known as the Perpetual darkdream Empire of eternal dark nightmares (Pedeedn for short). Low-Ranking Employees of either have to wear skintight anti-magic suits or Chainmail Bikini. Higher Ranking Officers will either wear the most sensual of Sensual Spandex or armor based on japanese High-School uniforms, with enforce B-Rank or higher Zettai Ryouiki for the ladies. My favourite pastimes are reading This Very Wiki, faux-first-year psychology level analysis on fictional characters (without the first year in psychology, mind you), trolling, faking very bad accents and playing "I can make you speechless with my overly analytical pseudo-scientific talking".
The Man himself.
This Contributor's fictional version provides examples of:
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The Real Deal
- Berserk Button: Being called 'nice'. Also mispronouncing his name several times AFTER he already corrected you.
- Black Humor: He will laugh even over the most extreme jokes. Yes even over Holocaust jokes.
- Brilliant, but Lazy: Often accused of this. He will assure you, he is as dumb as bricks that quotes Nietzsche [[Metaphorgotten while gurgling coke.]]
- Captain Obvious: He is very knowledgeable about things he knows. The quote on top of the page is someone quoting HIM.
- Consummate Liar: Just read this page!
- Equal-Opportunity Offender: Be it females, black people, christians, muslims, intellectuals, dogs, he insults EVERYONE.
- Flat "What.": Whenever he is either stumped about someones intelligence OR stupidity.
- Inferiority Superiority Complex: He is often called out on this.
- Ironic Echo: A rare specimen that is capable of COUNTERING THOSE.
- Lack of Empathy: His Modus Operandi.
- Mind Screw: Whenever he tries to explain processes, his 'lessons' devolve into this.
- Nightmare Fetishist: What squicks out other people often ends up making him excited. Except if its done to humans.
- Paralysis by Analysis
- Running Gag: Take a wild guess.
- Self-Proclaimed Liar: According to him, half the things on this page are lies.
- Snark Knight: No one in this world he is acquainted with deserves to be spared from this.
- Social Darwinist: He outright says that he thinks that "skilled people" should be treated better than "unskilled people". On the question which group he believes he is in he usually responds by ignoring you for the next 2 hours.
- Stepford Snarker: Often accused of this, always denies it.
- Affably Evil: I torture fictional characters like the worst of them, blackmail those characters to switch sides, manipulate all sides to my advantage, cuddle kittens and puppies, worship a reformed Lucifer, give friends emotional support and oogle as many Zettai Ryouikis as possible, while hoping for a gust of wind to reveal a lack of undergarments on the womens lower-body. All this while helping you with your gardening, proof-reading your latest story or giving you emotional support. Only a healthy Opponent is a Worthy Opponent after all!
- Anti-Villain: Comes off as this most of the time. Screwing over other villains by giving the heroes information while planning my own stuff is just TOO much fun!
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: I, the Author Avatar, destroy (abandoned) villages, create my own Nemesis' (by screwing over other villains), psychological defragment characters from other Authors, keeps clothes away from female prisoners and genderbend all male prisoners while dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight!
- Author Avatar: Duh!
- Berserk Button: Never call me nice. In exchange I will bake you a cake that will eat your house, your family, you and your pet goldfish. It will leave cats and dogs alone though.
- Bilingual Bonus: Due to writing stories in english, I tend to use German words to hide Foreshadowing or dumbass jokes inside of certain names.
- But for Me, It Was Tuesday: Let me say that my short term memory is not the best. So I often forget when I supposedly gave a strong helping hand to someone. Contrary to the usual though, its usually Mondays.
- Centipede's Dilemma: The reason why he is a Dark Overlord in fiction and a bitter, child hating jerk in Real Life-
- Child Hater: A variation. While I will NOT harm children conciously, if I have a choice I will try to stay away from children as if they were my kryptonite.
- Contemplate Our Navels: Whenever I am not busy talking. So very rarely.
- Gratuitous Foreign Language: Je fais this sehr sehr menudo.
- Motor Mouth: Can happen if overly excited or while winning a round of "I can make you speechless with my overly analytical pseudo-scientific talking"
- Noble Demon: Torture the heroes, ok, rob banks, ok, abduct wifes, ok. Rape people, hurt children or animals, rob the poor or kill people unnecessarily? That is when the Anti-Villain comes out and pulls an Enemy Mine to take you down!
- Took a Level in Jerkass: The effect of puberty, folks!
- Weak Sauce Weakness: Zettai Ryouiki, silver, Achievement In Ignorance, Traps, the list could go on. It is purely dumb luck that I am not DEAD yet!