"I can pretty much guarantee the guy with the loudest mouth is th' one with the most issues deep down."
A US Navy TiALS (Time Air Land Sea) operative from the future who now operates a temp agency for ludicrously macho guys. Claims to have been synthesized from American soil and steak. Divorced, with two kids (Sammy and June). He's friends with Jonesy, a mentor to Jared, a rival of Canadian Guy, and a much less abrasive and much more patient guy than first impressions would suggest — he believes that the key to true manliness is confidence and commitment to goals.Tropes:
Not so Above It All: While he works to help overly macho men not be socially disruptive, it was his own over the top machismo that broke his marriage apart
Not So Different: As much as he complains about Canadian Guy, it's pretty obvious they're cut from the same cloth. Emphasized in one comic where The Commander points out that despite having three siblings and two children, it's still Canadian Guy that he's most Drift-compatible with.
Origin Story: Reveals his actual story after being Bishified. He's just a regular dude, chosen to assume the Commander Badass persona, because in the future, wars are fought for public opinion.
Parental Substitute: Despite employing Jared as an intern, The Commander clearly watches over and talks to Jared as this (not to mention tolerating the silliness he gets up to in the building). He even gives him a few gifts. Made quite obvious in this strip.
Reasonable Authority Figure: All and all, the Commander is actually rather calm and together, willing to accept the differences of others in stark contrast to the overt "manly man" stereotype he physically resembles.
"Now I understand why my mother told me to never eat $500 of Gummi Worms."
A disgraced Pokémon trainer, kicked out of the League for allowing his Gyarados, Mr. Fish, to eat his opponents. The Commander gave him a paid internship at the temp agency (even though he meets none of the manliness requirements) because Jared makes Pokemon battles sound like something the Commander would actually enjoy watching. Is completely failing at saving up enough money to get home.Tropes:
Hypercompetent Sidekick: Despite his weirdness, the Commander acknowledges that Jared has turned out to be a surprisingly competent assistant.
Idiot Savant: Coelasquid has confirmed that Jared is this when it comes to Pokémon Training. While not the brightest bulb in the box, he takes excellent care of Mr. Fish, grooming him regularly and teaching him new tricks. He also manages to bring Mr. Fish up to somewhere between level 47-55, since he now knows Hyper Beam.
The Immune: Canadian healthcare is apparently one of his powers.
Not So Different: Not only is his appearance nearly identical to that of the Commander, but the Commander accuses him of "lazy Canadianspeak" (when the Commander is known for dropping vowels like they're hot).
It says something when The Commander and Canadian Guy are shown to be the most drift-compatible matches for each other.
The Sleepless: Instead, he sits in a rowboat in the middle of a lake with a lantern and a buttonbox concertina and an empty stare. Somehow, this causes a massive pile of beaver pelts to appear in Commander Badass' office.
Prominent Characters from Other Works
A Gyarados. Not very bright, but very large. Follows Jared's every whim.Tropes:
Double Standard: Points out that people get into fits when he slaps a girl, but when he slaps a guy, nobody seems to care. Commander Badass points out that the girl is in a bikini, while the guy (Marcus Fenix) isn't. When they put Fenix in a bikini, Duke changes his tune.
Duke: Okay, yeah, I can see people complaining about this.
Fenix:I'm complaining about this.
Commander: As long as they're complaining the same amount, you're gold.
New and Improved: He's the only character who welcomes becoming a Bishounen. The fact that he looks like a more muscular version of a young Marlon Brando, instead of the useless pretty-boy the others turn into helps.
You Are Better Than You Think You Are: Jonesy tries convincing him his issues arise from low self esteem. It doesn't work. Although he does acknowledge that not being physically attractive isn't what prevents him from getting girls when he meets Johnny Bravo.