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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
The Commander is the man who paid for The Expendables to be made.
The Space Future Man's Space Future children have the same hair as The Commander's kids. Also he's wearing The Commander's Goggles, has his nose, skin tone, and the same basic design as his jacket. It would also explain why he has knowledge of the events that led up to it's creation. And it would explain why he thinks it will be the best movie no matter what, since it's a gift from his children, fulfilling his dying wish. Awwww.
  • Yes, that's correct. From the comments section of that comic:
    Coelasquid: Nope, that's spacefuture Commander on his deathbed.
    • Then what about Chuck Norris in the Expendables 2?
      • Obviously, Commander only paid for the first movie, and was surprised when the studio made a sequel.

The roster of Manly Guys will eventually include Kamina.
You know you want it.
  • That of course depends on how familiar the author is with Anime. That and he might be considered too Bishōnen for the standards of the comic. Now Guts...
    • He is too bishie. When the Commander gets infected by the Nomura virus (which makes the victim bishonen), the Commander ends up with his shades.
  • Jossed by Word of God in response to a Kamina Guest Comic.
    "I really have to thank Mark Harris for this one because it's pretty much EXACTLY what I want to tell everyone who keeps asking for Kamina comics. I'm just not a Gurren Laggan fan, I'm sorry, I bear absolutely no ill will towards its fans but it just isn't my thing. And if you think I started this comic because I have a fun time drawing blue haired shonen action comedy heroes, you probably havenít been paying attention. So thank you Mark, today you are my hero."
  • Maybe Kenshiro has a shot.

The Commander will tell his real name to Jones.
But we won't see it. It'll either be interrupted or the scene will switch to something else going on. Dammit!

The roster of Manly Guys will eventually include Theodore Roosevelt.
There are already so many fictional manly men, it's only natural that we'll see the manliest man of Real Life.
  • We're going to have to agree to disagree. Andrew Jackson is the manliest president.
    • More to the point, Andrew Jackson is in much more desperate need of Commander Badass' "how to act like a normal person and integrate into non-absurdly-manly everyday life" lessons.

Eventually Doc Savage will show up.
Even if its a small one shot, Doc Savage is one of the most manliest men to exist in fiction.

Even if he does save up the money to go home, Jared is not getting his Xbox back.
His parents sold it and are doing everything to discourage him from darkening their doorstep ever, unless he gets rich, has kids or does something to make them proud.
  • Given how the Commander recently bought Jared an Xbox 360, it's unclear if Jared still even cares about getting his old Xbox back. Time shall tell, I suppose.

Jared will become an Empowered Badass Normal.
My guess eating the Human-Human fruit model badass.

At the end of the Nomura Syndrome arc, the Commander and Gackt will have a mutual, but very strained, respect for each other.
Gackt's entry on this website suggests he wouldn't be a pushover in a fight, and has various traits that the Commander may well acknowledge. Regardless, while they do not agree with the other's approach of masculinity, they won't bother each other unprovoked.

Everybody with the Nomura Syndrome are turning into jellyfish
They all think it's about Tetsuya Nomura, but it's not. It's about the Nomura jellyfish and they're all turning into one. Turning Bishonen is phase one. Gackt is also a jellyfish.

Gackt's "Ultimate Form" is a Clipped Wing Angel.
As soon as Commander beats him, however, he will show his true ultimate form, going back to full bishounen in the process.

Mr. Fish does, in fact, know how to control his lasers.
Rather, that's how long a single use of Hyper Beam lasts for.

There will be Mega Man jokes in the future.
The Commander's name has been revealed to be Rock Lobster. In Japan, Mega Man is called Rockman. That or Mega Man X jokes since he now sounds like one of the bosses from that series.

Jared will actually grow up into a responsible adult.
As of December 2013, Jared is, apparently, a [[Franchise/Pokemon Pokemon Professor]]. While it may have been a one-off joke, I think he'll actually be forced to grow into the role and become a full adult (although he'll probably never give up Xbox and Hatoful Boyfriend).

Mister Torgue's bound to show up eventually.
We've already seen a comic with Handsome Jack in it, and Mister Torgue is nothing if not hilariously macho to the point of being compared to Macho Man Randy Savage (granted, with a little more depth than might be expected from the likes of a Hot-Blooded Large Ham like Torgue). He's also just a little too happy to blow things up, too—the sort of person that'd give Commander Badass a touch of a migraine.
Magick ChicksWMG/WebcomicsMegaTokyo

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