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Web Video / The Hooker with a Heart of Gold

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For the trope this special is loosely based on, see Hooker with a Heart of Gold.

A five part internet special written and directed by Brad Jones. It tells the story of an unnamed hooker (played by Sarah Lewis from Team Snob) who has a literal heart of gold surgically implanted into her body at the hands of a fringe, out-of-work doctor named Dr. Rogen. The doctor is desperate for his experiment to succeed so that he may pay off an insane gangster named Steele. It just so happens Steele's twin brother, Zalman, is the aforementioned hooker's pimp, both of them being masterfully played by Brad Jones himself.

What follows in an homage to all of Brad Jones' favorite film genres, from exploitation to revenge to low budget snuff films that never saw the light of day (and thankfully never did). The music also reflects a range of things he likes, including 70's soul and disco and old school rock and roll and beloved hits of the 80's.


Tropes included:

  • Action Girl: The hooker, especially in Part 2.
  • Author Appeal: Brad's wife Jillian sure does a lot of sexy things in this movie...
  • Ax-Crazy: Steele after his operation. The mercenaries in Part 5 may also qualify, so we're told
  • Because You Were Nice to Me: Janet develops Stockholm Syndrome after Steele starts treating her kindly, to the point that in several scenes in part 5, they actually look like they're married. She flat out tells the hooker after Steele's dead that she wants to stay in his house because he was the only john who ever liked her.
  • Being Tortured Makes You Evil: Well, more evil. Dr Rogen operated on Steele, after which Steele became considerably more unhinged and sadistic. We're not told why, but Dr Rogen probably did not have any anesthetic...
  • Best Served Cold: Steele goes after the hooker for killing Zalman and Rogen for protecting the hooker, while the hooker goes after Steele and Co. for stealing her heart and killing her.
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  • Beware the Nice Ones: The hooker is a really nice person, but when she gets threatened, she shows off how well she can shoot.
  • Big Bad: Steele
  • The Bluebeard: Steele, who clearly has a snuff fetish among other issues. Who knows how many women he's gone through.
  • Broken Bird: The hooker.
    • Janet, by the end of the series.
  • The Cameo: Ed Glaser has a cameo in the final episode.
  • Captain Obvious: From Part 1:
    Don: If you just planned on dismissing me, why'd you fuck me all those times?
    Hooker: Because you paid me, you fucking jackass!
  • Contrived Coincidence: The hooker just happens to get run over by the one guy who can bring her back to life.
  • Damn, It Feels Good to Be a Gangster!: Steele defines this trope. Even after getting his fingers cut off and losing an eye, he never loses his cool or his edge, he just gets Darker and Edgier
  • Danger Takes A Back Seat: A hilariously casual version when Steele sits up in the back of Doc's car in broad daylight.
  • Deadpan Snarker: The hooker. She conducts her dialogue pretty nonchalantly in most scenes.
  • Dogged Nice Guy: Zig-zagged. Don's in love with the hooker, while she hates him. In later parts, he pretends that he's only attracted to her for her body, and that she means nothing to him, but he continually does his best to let her off the hook, including killing Steele and giving her and Dr Rogen every opportunity to skip town.
  • Downer Ending: Part 4. Good news? Don allows Dr. Rogen to go save the Hooker. Bad news? He's a little late...
  • The Dragon: Don and Mike.
  • The Dreaded: Steele. Zalman gets angry at the mere suggestion that he works for Steele, and Janet freaks out hugely when she's sent to him.
  • Drugs Are Good: The Hooker's cocaine habit only seems to make her stronger, and Dr Rogen theorises that it might make the heart work more efficiently. No anvilicious statement here.
  • Eye Patch Of Power: Steele.
  • Genre Throwback: Of 1970's exploitation movies. And it shows!
  • Girl with Psycho Weapon: The hooker totes a very big gun in parts 2 and 5.
  • Gratuitous Disco Sequence: Pretty much every time there's a scene between The Hooker and Zalman, a funky disco record will be playing in the background.
  • Heel–Face Turn: Don takes a while to get there, but in the end he shoots Steele in the back, allowing Dr. Rogen and the Hooker to live.
  • Hookers and Blow: Subverted in that the Hooker is the one with the cocaine habit.
  • Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Quite literally. She's a pretty nice person, too.
  • Hope Spot: In part 2, it seems that things may end happily for Dr. Rogen and the Hooker... but then we learn that Steele's involved now...
    • In part 4, Janet tries to escape from Steele's house. She makes it outside without any sign of him... and then he casually walks over to her.
    • In part 1, the hooker manages to outrun Zalman. Dr Rogen promptly runs her over with his car.
  • I Love the Dead: Heavily, heavily implied with Steele.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold:Don, ultimately.
  • Knightof Cerebus: Mike, Steele's cold enforcer, is not played for laughs. Also, the hooker's brother, Freddy.
  • Made from Real Girl Scouts
  • Mean Character, Nice Actor: Pretty much the whole cast, but especially Brad Jones.
  • Mad Scientist: Dr. Rogen is quite eccentric but no where near as insane as the actual villains.
  • Morality Pet: Janet, for Steele.
  • Neighbourhood-Friendly Gangsters: Dr. Rogen initially sees Steele and his boys this way... until about the third time they pulled a gun on him.
  • New Powers as the Plot Demands: The hooker hasn't been in the military or anything like that, and it's never explained exactly why she knows how to shoot so well.
  • Nintendo Hard: Zalman is fond of old really horrible NES video games and forces his accomplice to play them non-stop at gun point. A possible Shout-Out to The Angry Video Game Nerd.
  • Noodle Incident/ Fridge Horror: We never do find out how Steele's old girlfriend died...
  • Pet the Dog: Steele treats Janet quite kindly in part 5.
  • Psycho for Hire: The trio of mercenaries who are the best at being the worst.
  • Punch-Clock Villain: Matty and Don, who unlike the other bad guys don't seem to derive pleasure out of doing bad things all that much.
  • Soundtrack Dissonance: Say, did you ever like Neil Young's "Heart of Gold"? You won't after seeing Part 4!
    • Tears For Fears' "Head Over Heels" plays during the gunfight/fistfight in Part 5.
  • Shout-Out: Probably unintentional, but as you recall, the Hooker's cocaine habit makes her stronger, like one Snowflame.
    • The three hitmen are all named after characters played by Pierre Kirby.
  • Stockholm Syndrome: Janet gets this after she's sent to Steele, because despite choking her, threatening her and forcing her to fuck him in the same room as the corpse of his dead girlfriend, he genuinely liked her and admitted that he might have fallen for her if they'd had more time together- hell, he even gave her the right to sell the golden heart so she'd have enough money to live on- and no other john actually liked her. At the end of the series, she chooses to stay in Steele's house rather than leave with the hooker.
  • Left the Background Music On: Happens when Janet is dancing for Steele.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Despite usually being a non-combatant, Dr Rogen manages to fight Don off. He doesn't clearly win, but at the end of it, he's sitting up and moving, and Don's on the floor.
    • The hooker manages to defend herself and Dr Rogen from the mercenaries and Steele with only one gun. OK, she does run out of bullets, but she does a good job.
  • Wham Episode: Part 4. "I'm going to steal her heart!" And he does.
  • Wretched Hive: The city the story takes place. To paraphrase Dr. Rogen: "Is everyone in this town a fucking sleazebag!?"
  • You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Steele executes the three mercs he hired because the hooker was doing a good job of defending herself- thus, they didn't kill her.


Example of: