"I’m sorry if this offends you, but you fellows really need us. Oh, yes. We’re the only ones who know how to make things work. You see, the only thing the good people are good at is overthrowing the bad people. And you’re good at that, I’ll grant you. But the trouble is that it’s the only thing you’re good at. One day it’s the ringing of bells and the casting down of the evil tyrant, and the next it’s everyone sitting around complaining that ever since the tyrant was overthrown no one’s been taking out the trash. Because the bad people know how to plan. It’s part of the specification, you might say. Every evil tyrant has a plan to rule the world. The good people don’t seem to have the knack."
— Lord Havelock Vetinari, Guards! Guards!
The Discworld is a fantastical and bizarre setting home to a wide cast of charming and colorful characters. Some of these have the moral ambiguity and devious cunning to make life all the more interesting.
All spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned!
Original literature
Examples
- Death is the superbly witty, deeply philosophical, and morally complex reaper of souls for the whole of Discworld. Defined by his staunch devotion to his duty as the reaper, Death became fascinated by humanity and sought to become more like them by emulating their cultures and creating his own family. Death first takes on an apprentice named Mort and manipulates him into becoming his replacement and eternal companion for his adopted daughter so he can retire and become mortal. When this doesn't pan out, Death resolves to fulfill his duty with compassion for his harvest while nonetheless being dangerously ruthless towards those who harm his loved ones or interrupt his ancient charge. Death has used guile to overcome his psychopathic replacement when he was temporarily fired, forced the Music to assume a form he could defeat by strumming the chord that would end the universe, and even manipulates his own granddaughter into a dangerous situation to ensure the survival of the Hogfather when he couldn't directly intervene. Even when facing beings equal in power to himself, such as the Auditors of Reality, Death is always capable of using quick thinking and his iron will to ensure the safety of the Discworld.
- Lord Havelock Vetinari turned Ankh-Morpork from a broken down, weak city run by a cut-throat, utterly insane monarchy into the most powerful city in the entire Disc, run by a highly efficient government that headed by himself, dominating through cultural and economic might rather than force of arms. Vetinari also happens to be a genius who is the one man who keeps the city in line, knowing without him, it would collapse into chaps, so that none may challenge or remove him. Well aware of how terrible the world can be, Vetinari utilizes trickery and manipulation to better it and will happily manipulate other heroes to deal with threats to his city. While Vetinari does not believe a perfect world is even possible, he will scheme, lie, cheat and manipulate all to improve what he can, and is never not in control of events as they unfold.
- Sourcery: Conina the Hairdresser is a stunningly beautiful barbarian heroine whose hardened instincts prevent a simple life as a hair stylist. An impossibly skilled thief who once pickpocketed jewels the victim had swallowed for safekeeping, her theft of the Archchancellor's hat prevents Coin the Sourcerer from gaining its powers. Threatening the cowardly wizard Rincewind into helping her find it a suitable host, she uses her street smarts and weaponized usage of a comb and scissors to lead a journey around the world. During the great magical war in the climax, she outplays an unhelpful genie to force its aid and steals the Four Horsemen's horses to help save the Discworld from an apocalyptic fate.
- Wyrd Sisters: King Verence was the beloved lord of Lancre until he was murdered by the treacherous Lord Felmet. Unable to rest, his great vitality in life allows his spirit to manipulate objects, and thus lures and traps the cat of the witch "Nanny" Ogg to guide her to him and plan his vengeance. When Nanny is captured by Felmet, he tries to slay his slayer and rescue her, but is stopped by the wise "Granny" Weatherwax who saves her peer instead. Escaping by having Nanny carry a castle brick, he plots with them to move time forward so he son can age and return to claim his throne. When Felmet hosts a play to denounce the witches, Verence possesses his actor son and reveals the truth for all Lancre to see. This drives Felmet to madness and death and allows Verence to pass on at last.
- Pyramids: High Priest Dios is the true power behind the desert kingdom of Djelibeybi and is secretly as ancient as the land itself. First awakening 7,000 years ago when the Djel River magically appeared on the Discworld, Dios has been guiding the countless generations of pharaohs to rule as divinely appointed puppets to rule the kingdom to his particular views of normalcy. He has them buried within time warping pyramids, often against their wishes, to slow down time to keep Djelibeybi in constant stagnation while fabricating a complex religious system to keep the people enthralled by faith. Upon the coronation of the more worldly and rebellious Teppic, Dios is able to wear down the young man and maintain control, while also building the largest pyramid ever, until Teppic rescues a young woman from sacrifice. The great pyramid then breaks down reality and puts the kingdom in a pocket dimension where all the gods are real and the pharaohs rise from the grave. At first left nearly catatonic at these events, Dios bounces back by outwitting a treacherous young priest and holds back the gods long enough for Teppic to return the kingdom to normalcy. Dios himself is sent back in time to the kingdom's birth to repeat the cycle again and again.
- Guards! Guards!: The Noble Dragon was at first merely summoned by royal secretary Lupine Wonse to be slain by a puppet king to gain control over Ankh-Morpork, but she quickly grew to have her own ambitions. Using her mental connection to Wonse, the Dragon engineered her own summoning and quickly gained control of the city by roasting the puppet king at his own coronation. A master at coordinated terror, she subjugated Wonse into being her mouthpiece and invited the heads of the city's powerful guilds to a banquet to intimidate them into providing wealth and promises of sacrifices. While a terrifying monster herself, the Dragon grew disgusted with the people's almost giddy acceptance of her terms. Unmatched for most of her reign, the small swamp dragon Errol stunned her with a sonic boom and earned her respect and love, both then leaving humanity behind to wander the cosmos.
- Eric:
- Duke Vassenego is an ancient demon who sets the plot in motion to overthrow King Astfgl and return Hell to the old ways. Realizing disembodied spirits didn't feel physical pain, Astfgl turned Hell into a boring dystopia where souls were read instruction manuals and shown vacation slideshows for all eternity. Seeking the restore a time where both demons and damned could be happy, Vassenego manipulates inept wizard Rincewind into being summoned in his place by teen demonologist Eric. Using his own magic to frame Rincewind as satisfying Eric's wishes, he sends the pair on a dangerous journey through time to distract Astfgl long enough to engineer his downfall. Bringing the pair to Hell as a final distraction, he gives Astfgl a meaningless promotion and to be left alone in a boring office doing pointless paperwork forever while he takes over as the new King of Hell.
- In a grand parody of the Trojan War, Lavaeolus, a parody of Odysseus, is a brilliant general of Ephebe seeking to rescue the beautiful Elenor from the clutches of Tsort. Sending a wooden horse to the front gate as an obvious trap, Lavaeolus uses it as distraction to allow the Ephebians to invade from a side entrance to the city. Taking advantage of Rincewind and Eric's arrival for his second wish, Lavaeolus leads them and Rincewind's dangerous and sentient Luggage through a secret passage to the palace he discovered during early reconnaissance. Seeking to use the Luggage to massacre the Tsortean leadership, he instead meets with and convinces Elenor and her children to return home and end the war as bloodlessly as possible.
- Moving Pictures: M'Bu is the clever young assistant to an animal herder and proves to have far more ambition and determination than his adult master. When his employer gets an order for a thousand elephants to appear in the moving pictures, M'Bu creates a plan to gather them up in the plains, have the massive herd steamroll through the jungles, and use the elephants to transport the timber into the mountains to make bridges and sleighs. Not caring who the elephants trample on the journey, he successfully guides them three thousand miles to their destination and is implied to sell them to make jumbo sausages following the collapse of the moving picture industry in the meantime.
- Witches Abroad:
- Erzulie Gogol is a feared and renowned voodoo witch from Genua and the secret consort of Baron Saturday and mother to his daughter Ella. After Lilith poisoned the Baron, Gogol raised him as a vengeful zombie and worked with Ella's true Fairy Godmother Desiderata to undermine Lilith's enforced fairy tale over Genua whenever possible. Over twelve years, Gogol rescued and rallied the city's poor and used many as spies while keeping a mobile home in the swamps to evade Lilith's agents. Working with the dying Desiderata to summon Lilith's sister Granny Weatherwax and her coven to Genua, she manipulates them into rescuing Ella and ruining Lilith's planned Cinderella story. In the meantime, she uses voodoo to turn her dead lover into a divine personification of the swamps themselves to defeat Lilith, and nearly murders Granny with a Voodoo Doll when she tries to redeem her sister.
- Baron Saturday was the often cruel yet respectable ruler of Genua until his usurpation by Lilith and her frog prince puppet. Raised as a zombie by his lover Gogol, he conspired with her to rally his former subjects over many years until the promised day of his vengeance finally arrived. Delivering a powerful speech to his people to earn their faith, Saturday is transformed into a top hat and vest wearing, silver cane wielding divine personification of the swamp. With a dangerous swagger and the swamp itself at his heels, Saturday rescues the recently captured Granny and her coven before completely overpowering Lilith and squashing the now defenseless prince turned frog. Content with Lilith's defeat and Ella's crowning, the Baron finally passes but returns once every year to celebrate with his beloved Genua.
- Men at Arms: Dr. Cruces is the leader of the Ankh-Morpork Assassin's Guild and the true antagonist once he murders Edward d'Eath and takes the Gonne for his own ambitions. Cruces betrays his student Edward when he tries to return the Gonne he stole, hides his body in the old sewers beneath the city, and plots to use the dead man as a scapegoat for an assassination of Patrician Havelock Vetinari due to everyone knowing the Guild was the victim of Edward's heist. Leading the Night Watch into a trap when they first try to catch him, Cruces only fails in killing Vetinari when Corporal Carrot takes the bullet but manages to cripple the Patrician for life regardless. Caught by Captain Vimes and slain by Carrot during a last stand, Cruces was said to have succeeded in a million universes had a series of extraordinary coincidences not allowed the Watch to unravel his plans.
- Soul Music: The Music is an entity born at the dawn of time that seeks to spread Rock n' Roll throughout the cosmos. Observing young bard Imp y Celyn's vow to be the greatest musician in the world, the Music lies and waits in a magical instrument shop as a guitar until Imp takes it to replace his broken harp. Slowly and insidiously, the Music dominates the newly renamed Buddy and uses him to spread itself throughout the Discworld. The Music proves clever and ensures its propagation by playing off its listeners' inner rebellious nature to create copy bands to play further afield and allows itself to be trapped in magical boxes that play it whenever opened. Coming into conflict with Death and his granddaughter Susan when she seeks to save Buddy, Death is forced to play the chord that will end the universe to drive the Music from the Discworld, only for it start the cycle all over again on another.
- Hogfather: The Tooth Fairy is in truth the original Bogeyman born from ancient man's primordial fear of the dark. Taking pride in terrorizing mankind, the Bogeyman became enraptured by the innocence of children and sought to protect them from the real monsters in life. He establishes a new identity as the Tooth Fairy and builds a vast franchise funded by property development to collect teeth to prevent them from being magically used against children. When psychopathic assassin Johnathan Teatime and his hired goons invade to use teeth to stop belief in the Hogfather, he uses the last of his power to conjure their worst nightmares to aid Death's granddaughter Susan and hunts the men down and brutally murders them even as they try to escape. Content with Susan's iron will and morals, the first Bogeyman fades away trusting her to ensure his mission is carried on.
Other
- Soul Music (1996 Animated Film): The Music proves to be every bit the devious and destructive source of Rock n' Roll in the Animated Adaptation as it was in the original novel. The audio and visuals of the animation bring new life to the Music as a character by expanding on the briefly mentioned concerts in the novel into full blown musical numbers with original lyrics. The Music is shown to use its power to change the band's clothes and empower their performances with a wide array of special effects, and further shown to be a true master of all forms of Rock music no matter the genre. Given new life and soul in the animation, one can truly see how the Music could shape Imp y Celyn into becoming the greatest musician on the Discworld.
- Wyrd Sisters (1997 animated film): Esmeralda "Granny" Weatherwax is the stern, stoic, and outwardly sinister leader of the Lancre coven of witches. After saving the newborn prince by intimidating a soldier into backstabbing his commander, Granny sends the infant off with a traveling acting troupe to while having his crown hidden among the props until to keep both safe from Lord Felmet. Not wanting to get involved further in politics, Granny only steps in when Felmet begins publicly shaming the witches and and the common folk lose their respect for them. After murdering a speeding cart driver for not moving around her, Granny plots a great magical spell to move Lancre forward in time and spurs the now actor Prince Tomjon back home to fulfill his destiny. After trying and failing to destroy the evil Lady Felmet's mind, Granny ensures Lancre has an heir after Tomjon refuses the throne.
- Sky TV movie trilogy:
- Death himself is as much of a pleasantly brilliant and caring reaper man as he is in the novels. Though not above indulging in the occasional petty harassments, such as haunting the inept wizard Rincewind and aiding an innkeeper in accidentally setting fire to much of the city of Ankh-Morpork, Death nonetheless cherishes the creativity and spirit of humanity, striving to protect them no matter the cost. When the Auditors of Reality hire the psychopathic Jonathan Teatime to end belief in the Hogfather, Death quickly uncovers the scheme and sets about undoing their efforts, personally taking up the Hogfather mantle to ensure that the Discworld continues to believe in him. Though incapable of journeying to the Tooth Fairy's realm to stop Teatime, Death manipulates his normalcy-seeking granddaughter Susan into investigating and foiling Teatime's plans, all while he continues to give out presents that range from "educational" weapons to the gift of life for the Little Match Girl. Death closes his tenure as the Hogfather by hammily executing the Auditors for their overreach, then proudly looks on as Susan kills Teatime before bidding her a goodbye and a Happy Hogswatch.
- Lord Havelock Vetinari is the ruthless Lord Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, ruling over the city-state with exceptional acumen. Exercising his power through the careful application of "dissuasively vicious punishments", Vetinari hosts Gladiator Games and executions with which he can threaten his pawns. When a tourist from the Agatean Empire arrives in the city, Vetinari coerces Rincewind into being his guide, intent on using him as a scapegoat should the tourist die and the Agateans seek retribution. Later, after con artist Moist von Lipwig is apprehended, Vetinari sees an opportunity to put his skills to use investigating the corrupt Reacher Gilt. Vetinari anticipates and foils Lipwig's escape attempts before faking his death in a public execution and setting him to work as the new Postmaster of Ankh-Morpork; when Lipwig realizes the mortal peril this position puts him in, Vetinari manipulates him into staying the course by exploiting his desire to impress his Love Interest through such selfless heroism. Though frequently threatening Lipwig, Vetinari happily sees him off with his freedom once he uses his position to turn over a new leaf and discredit Gilt, whom Vetinari has executed when he refuses a similar offer of "new life" in the Patrician's service.
