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Music / Maria Cross

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NOT to be confused with Marcia Cross from Melrose Place and Desperate Housewives. Though that would be quite interesting...

Maria Cross is a solo Visual Kei singer allegedly of the Oshare Kei style, known best for street performances in Tokyo that are closer to the extremes of noise music, grindcore, and noisegrind. Is Maria a Stealth Parody of Visual Kei or just Giftedly Bad? No one really knows, although they have attained legendary status in some corners of Visual Kei for being either or both. That said, Maria Cross is something that, for the true visual kei fan, cannot be described, but simply must be experienced. In this experience, one may find some form of absolute zen understanding... or simply wonder why the Dreadful Musician page cannot have just one real-life example.

You Have Been Warned!


Tropes that apply to Maria Cross:

  • Ambiguous Gender: No one knows. They've referred to themself as male and as female, as have outside sources, though they were born male. The nongendered pronouns are probably best, because, again, no one really knows.
  • Brown Note: It is likely they have created a few of these.
  • Butt-Monkey: Has become a near memetic symbol of failure at Visual Kei, for a variety of reasons ranging from their child molestation arrest to their singing style by those who just see it as straight-up bad music rather than Stealth Parody, to their very derivative take on Oshare Kei and yet inability to match anything but the appearance of it. It's often said that they would have made a workable (and successful) Eroguro or metal singer with their screaming capacity (their Harsh Vocals can easily rival Kiyoharu, Kyo, Ume and even Seth Putnam, and their cleans are far better than Dynamite Tommy's...), or if they marketed or presented as a noise artist like Merzbow or Melt-Banana, that would have been a far better genre.
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  • Careful with That Axe: EVERYTHING MARIA SINGS.
  • Death Metal/Grindcore: Straight-up deathgrind and noisegrind, genres that any sane Oshare kei musician would never, ever try.
  • Ephebophile: Arrested for and convicted for child molestation, and if they weren't lying about their age, the incident involved an older teen when they were in their early 20s, so it would be ephebophilia in that case.
  • Giftedly Bad: Maybe. This is highly debatable.
  • Indecipherable Lyrics: If you can actually tell what Maria's saying in any song other than in the Oshare PV, congratulations! You win a prize... to take back with you to the insane asylum.
  • Intercourse with You: They apparently like writing the word "sex" in their lyrics. Over and over again.
  • Metal Scream: ...except from a non-metal vocalist. And at random nonsensical points.
  • Mind Screw: What this possibly is to Visual Kei.
  • No Indoor Voice: Possibly the defining characteristic of their music.
  • Otaku: Very possible. If articles about them on various sites are to be believed, they apparently like anime music and are good friends with Shoko Nakagawa. They apparently like animesque cute girls. And porn.
  • Piss-Take Rap: Occasionally...
  • Postmodernism: Has possibly brought the world's first Dadaist postmodern take on Visual Kei... unless they really are just that bad.
  • Refuge in Audacity
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: One of their most-used vocal techniques.
  • Secret Identity: With the connections and similar that Maria has, there's rumors that they are actually an active professional visual kei artist (though either as a non-vocalist or sticking to a more traditional style) or a seiyuu, and that the entire Street Musician thing is an act to parody something.
  • Soprano and Gravel: Maria tries. Instead it's more like Gravel and Meatgrinder. They have their soprano moments, though they end up sounding like a bad clone of Dir en grey vocalist Kyo.
  • Stealth Parody: VERY possible. The Strictly Formula PV, the failure at everything related to the style they claim to represent, the most execrably written lyrics possible... in fact, pretty much the only ways to interpret Maria Cross is as postmodern Stealth Parody of Visual Kei, or as, at the very best, downright atrocious.
  • Street Musician: This is Maria's primary way of performing. With no permits and no controls on amplified sound etc, so they tend to get in a lot of trouble with the police.
  • Stylistic Suck: If it is a parody.
  • Three Chords and the Truth: Their recording and performance setups are pretty...low-fi at best, so their singing may actually be forgivable due to that.
  • Visual Kei: Their main style of music, done in the harshest way possible.
  • Word Salad Lyrics: When they're written down or semi-comprehensible at all, they are often this.