- Most of the following can be found in this video.
- The Astronauts' LP of Zelda Master Quest is very funny in it's own right, but particularly so during the Jabu-Jabu dungeon, which, I'll remind you, is inside the stomach of a giant fish. Highlights include Maxwell freaking out over the cows embedded in the stomach walls that act as switches, Pipes! trying to gross everybody out, and all four of the Astronauts reaction to Princess Ruto wanting to marry Link.
Why were the blushing marks
necessary? Or that camera angle
She's in looooove with you. She's gonna lay some eggs in a pond of shallow water, and you're expected to... Evek: Swim over them? pipes!: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take six trillion showers. Maxwell:
We really don't need bedroom eyes on a twelve-year-old character, thanks. pipes!:
Oh, Japan. Evek: Japan! Ferr:
Glorious Nippon. Ruto:
You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, Zora's Sapphire, don't you? Maxwell: Yeah, just give it to me
. pipes!: No, not that way
[...] You might call it the Zora's Engagement Ring! Evek:
Ohhhhh God! pipes!
: Zelda, you better be worth it. I married a fish for you. A FISH
: Maybe she's into three-ways... Maxwell
: If this fish marriage goes through, I'm going totally Henry VIII
on this. pipes!
: So you're gonna decapitate her? Gill it, scale it... Ferr
: ...and eat her with chips. Maxwell:
(hurrying through text
) Yeah, it's a thing, I got it. pipes!:
You win and yet, you lose. Her most precious possession? You don't know what she's talking about, but- Maxwell: She's referring to her virginity, game, that's what she's talking about
Oh God! Oh God! pipes!:
Please don't tell my father... All four Astronauts collectively groan Pipes!:
Con-su-mate! Con-su-mate! Evek:
I hate you, Japan! Ferr: She's going to be all flopping around...
- First thing they do after arriving in the future? Spend several minutes admiring Sheik's tight ass.
- And then later, when Sheik is referred to as a male in-game:
Ferr: Huh. Well, maybe everyone was tricked, okay? ..I'm not gay.
- After finally beating the Forest Temple,
I'M THE DEKU SPROUT! I BREATHE YOUR OUT-BREATHE! I'M MADE OUT OF BARK! I LIVE WHERE MY ROOTS ARE!"
- Pipes! referring to "The invisible walls you can't touch". Very Zen, very unintentionally funny.
Maxwell: Also, there's gonna be plenty of invisible walls that you can run through.
Pipes: Oh good.
Ferr: But then... wouldn't that make them not walls?
Pipes: Invisible walls surrounding me at all times!
Ferr: Except I can walk through them.
Pipes: That would be a delightful kind of crazy.
- Everything involving the aforementioned walls. It's not until well into the Spirit Temple that Maxwell catches a break.
Ferr: I don't know where I'm going, but I'm making great time!
[Lunk gets thrown backwards a la Skulltula]
Pipes: What just happened?
Maxwell: Invisible spider. Right there.
Pipes: Oh my god, all that crazy was true!
Ferr: Quick, hide behind the invisible wall that you can walk through!
Maxwell: I get the feeling that there's a wall you can walk through...
Evek: But it's visible.
Ferr: And it's solid.
- Right after the Dead Hand fight, this comes back in an interesting way.
Maxwell: They hid the key over here. I'm impressed by what a jerky move that was.
Pipes: See, this dungeon's all about false preconceptions.
Evek: And invisible floors.
Maxwell: And cows in the walls.
Ferr: And invisible walls. And invisible cows.
Maxwell: I'd like to see an invisible cow. Sounds cool.
[The others crack up]
- Occasionally they get distracted by the dungeon map...
Pipes: You know what this dungeon map looks like? A big old freak hand that's reaching out and touching you even though you're not getting touched.
Ferr: It looks more like a guy with no body falling backwards.
Maxwell: You mean a guy with no head.
Ferr: Well I guess it could go either way.
Ferr: No, it's just his head... but his arms and legs are growing out of his head.
- And last, but not least, the collective reaction when Maxwell explains one of the many thrilling puzzles in the Spirit Temple.
Ferr: As opposed to the intuitive puzzles in this game, which include burning zombies and mummies, which don't actually solve the puzzle because you already solved the puzzle.
Evek: And invisible walls that you can walk through.
Pipes: Which don't actually exist.
- The Master Quest ending.
- Or after learning the Prelude of Light, 5 minutes of horrible puns ensue, each and every one followed by a dull thump as Ferr gets punched for them over and over.
We've reached peak pun.
Well, I'm gonna continue anyway because I'm a punk. *punch* Oww!
I'm sorry I'm not a fan of - slapstick. *punch* Owwww! *others start laughing*
I find your enforcement rather - heavy-handed. *punch/laughing* Owwww, damnit!
I'm sorry I don't appreciate your - punch-line! *multi-punch* God damn it!
You really bruised my ego! *laughing and punching* Oh, now it really hurts! *hysterical laughter* Yeaaaaah!
- Which episode of the LP is this? I can't seem to find it.
- While wandering around the Forest Temple with no clue where they're meant to be going:
This is like an insight into your future with Alzheimer's.
- Doesn't help they sequence broke it.
- In the Forest Temple, after making NO progress for all too long a time, Maxwell finds a key. Cue Ferr (13:19).
Ferr: * With the Item Get Jingle* HOLY FUCK A KEY!
- Earlier, when little Lunk is running through Kakariko and picks up a Cucco, there's a sudden shout of (and to the tune of the Item Get jingle) "YOU GOT A COOOOOOOOOCK!" causing everyone else to laugh riotously.
- The many deaths of
Link Lunk in the Spirit Temple as Maxwell keeps falling into the pit. Over and over.
- Late into the first quarter or so of the LP, while they were staying up all night trying to race to see if they could beat the game before the end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Hilarity ensues with sleep deprived babbling and signs of insanity as our four heroes try desperately to stay awake.
- ANOTHER Forest Temple one, when fighting the 2nd Poe sister, they play a certain song (1:08). Link ain't 'fraid of no ghosts!
- One in the Spirit Temple; wherein he keeps sending
Link Lunk right into the middle hole over four times in a row (due to controller problems). Then, later he gets the block in place and jumps down the hole again, just after save-stating in the file, causing this interchange:
Maxwell: State save... that button works...(Lunk takes a plunge down a pit)
Ferr: And Thank God for that!
- Maxwell's accidental Freudian slip causes pipes! to go on a tangent:
Maxwell: I think I like that final solution better than—
pipes!: ...that is part of your final...
Ferr: ...solution. We need disk two of Fellowship (The Lord of the Rings trilogy was playing in the background).
- Ferr somehow gets Red Bull in his eyes.
Ferr: (anguished mumbling)
Maxwell: Why are you—
(pipes! laughs hysterically)
Maxwell: ...did you just shove the Red Bull can into your eye?
pipes!: Did you get splashback into your eye?
Ferr: (anguished) YES! OW! (whimpers) OW~! How does that even happen?!
pipes!: (through laughter) How many fingers am I holding up? How many?
Ferr: I don't know; my eye is darting all over the place. It's bursting with energy. It's trying to fly away!
- Maxwell has one heart arriving at Hyrule Castle for the first time. After cutting down shrubbery to find life ASAP and getting only Deku Nuts:
- Whenever Ferr and Pipes! imitate an awkward encounter between Link and Zelda/Any other character.
- The scene where they play Saria's song for Darunia:
pipes!: Everybody dance now!
- "Hark! I hear the call of cock!"
- Planning to hijack a Boston Revolutionary War themed tour with costumed guides. note
- "IT WASN'T A ROCK...IT WAS A ROCK LOBSTER!"
- This Overused Running Gag from the Dodongo's Cavern:
Maxwell: [Sighs] Give me snacks.
Ferr: Cookies or candy?
Ferr: Chicken or fish?
Pipes: Cigars or cigarettes?
Evek: Soup or salad?
Pipes: Paper or plastic?
Ferr: House or Caesar?
Pipes: It's never Brutus!
- Shortly afterwards, while Maxwell is eating one of the aforementioned cookies, he finally gets past the puzzle that's been annoying him all the time, and finds a chest... with 5 rupees in it. His resultant annoyed grunt with a mouth full of cookie gets taken the wrong way by Ferr and Pipes.
Game: *Small victory theme*
Maxwell: *annoyed, mouth full of cookie* Mmf! Mm...
Ferr: *as Maxwell* "That was a good cookie."
Pipes: *also as Maxwell* "Oh god, I need a cigarette."
- The Astronauts on Cowswitches:
Maxwell: —because we think it's actually awesome... Why is there a cow in the wall?
Pipes: Teleportation accident.
Evek: Ummmm... okay.
Pipes: 'Kill meeeee!'
Ferr: Cow 37, partial success.
Maxwell: There's another one!
Maxwell: [To Navi] Tell me something that makes me understand this.
Navi: What's that?
Maxwell: No. That doesn't help.
Pipes: Navi's like 'I don't know!' Navi doesn't know what the fuck.
Maxwell: Hey, look! It's a cow in the wall!
Pipes: Tell me how that makes any amount of logical sense.
Maxwell: Well, maybe if he's been eating cows...
Ferr: Then they implant themselves into your intestinal wall?
Maxwell: Maybe it's like a symbiotic relationship. They help him digest with their many stomachs.
[A cow moos]
Maxwell: No! No, don't moo!
Pipes: They're signaling to the other cows.
- Pipes having a minor meltdown over the cows.
Pipes: If you're a game designer, does jumping into a whale to break a rock to reveal a cow embedded in a wall of meat... [Maxwell starts laughing] is that a logical... a logical thing?
- Maxwell gradually getting disturbingly comfortable with the cow heads.
Maxwell: [Sighs] Whose idea was it to put cows in the walls?
Maxwell: [Shoots a switch]What's up with you, cow head? [Treasure chest falls] Okay. What else? [Shoots again, nothing happens] Fine. I'll just get out of this horrible room now.
- And even later in Hyrule Field...
Maxwell: Oh, there's a cow buried underneath one of these rocks.
Pipes: You know, after finishing that dungeon, I can accept that as a distinct possibility.
Ferr: It's a ground cow!
Maxwell: Well you've seen wall cows. Why not ground cows?
Ferr: It's the rare, burrowing south-western cow.
[Groans all around]
Maxwell: I know it's well played, but I already regret saying it.
- Even ignoring the cows, there are plenty of memorable moments from Jabu Jabu's stomach.
Maxwell: Is that something I can climb on?
Ferr: Mom! Mom! Can I climb it?
Pipes: You don't know where it's been.
Maxwell: This is actually the kind of dungeon dynamic that I don't care for.
- The entire discussion about the former hockey theme:
Ferr: Do you know what happened to the old one? The old hockey theme?
Maxwell: Um... it was attacked by beavers?
Yeah, well they decided to change it but then Stephen Colbert
bought the rights to it. [Everyone starts laughing]
[With every sentence, the laughter gets louder]
Ferr: He was playing it on his show while waving an American flag and a gun around. And eating a hotdog. Just to piss off Canadians.
Pipes: That's amazing.
Ferr: It's like 'That's right, Canada! I bought your beloved hockey theme!'
Pipes: That man can do no wrong.
- Maxwell's plans for the future.
Maxwell: I'm really waiting for the day when you, like, introduce the lady that you proposed to so that I can suggest that she's marrying beneath herself.
Ferr: Saving up for that date.
Pipes: That's nice to know. The backbone of our friendship. 'This is my friend Maxwell. He has something very important to tell you.'
Ferr: And then he'd freeze up because he's been waiting for so long. 'Oh god, oh god... I'm sure you'll be very happy together! DAMN IT!'
- The commentary relating to the boomerang's effectiveness.
Ferr: The boomerang can cut through meat but it can't go through spider web?
Pipes: Hey, spider silk is like steel. You know what isn't like steel? Meat.
- There are a lot of inane comments in the Deku Tree, too, even before the madness kicks in.
Ferr: Was that an Aladdin joke? You just watch that?
Maxwell: He's just committed it to memory.
The parallels are pretty good. He's a little orphan boy in a city where he's the odd duck out and he's entering a cave to find treasure. Then he's going to rescue a fucking
Ferr: But it... does not have the voice talents of Robin Williams.
- Evek grumbling about the slingshot (which, coincidentally, is right after the above)
Fairy Slingshot... can't even make it manly. Maxwell:
What would it shoot? Steak? Evek:
Flaming monster trucks.
- Maxwell improvising when it comes to the last three Deku (and repeatedly failing).
Pipes: I like that they've activated their alarm system.
Ferr: Please step away from the Deku!
- It's included in the highlights video, but this exchange is great, too:
Ferr: Their creation myth looks like my breakfast. Cereal going into milk.
Pipes: The hills and valleys of Whole Nut Crunch. So it is written...
Evek: So how it shall taste.
Pipes: See? She poured her wisdom into the milk.
Ferr: In the beginning, the earth was without form and void and the face of God moved on the milk and said "Let there be cereal!" And there was cereal and yea, it was crunchy... and God saw that it was good.
- And, finally, Maxwell noting that the challenges he's set for Evek and Pipes note haven't been going well.
I noticed that you two are not really holding up your challenges, though. Ferr:
I'm doing good! Evek: That's 'cause there hasn't been a horse yet!
- Hell, when the challenges are first given is funny too.
Ferr, your challenge is to not make the farting sound
when I use the carrots on the horse. Ferr:
Oh, you bastard.
- The conversation sparked from Maxwell's explanation of the Minish/why there's stuff in Hyrule's shrubbery.
- The exploration of Kakariko Village nets us a few gems, as well:
Ferr: Did I just miss a ton of old people jokes, 'cause, I think that guy was complaining about young people?
Ferr: What's going on inside [Guru Guru's] box? He looks pretty happy about it...
Maxwell: [Running in circles in the windmill hut] This is the Hyrulean space program testing.
Evek: So what's the Hyrulean rocket? A crate with a bunch of dynamite under it?
- And this exchange, as Maxwell tries to round up the cucoos.
Maxwell: The woman's like 'What the fuck?'
Ferr: Well, she can see your cock. You're just running around with it flapping all over the place.
- Dealings with Kaepora Gaebora:
Maxwell: Who wants to get me a can of Coke? I have to stay here and press the 'A' button repeatedly. It's the only way to make the owl shut up.
Pipes: I will. [Leaves]
Evek: I want to see what happens when you press the 'yes' button.
Maxwell: It tells you everything again.
Ferr: It does exactly what you'd expect.
Maxwell: [to Pipes] Also, carry it to me with the hand that didn't go down your pants.
- Maxwell explains that the sages are named after towns from Zelda II The Adventure Of Link:
Ferr: Link town?
Pipes: Welcome to Ganon-ville, a wonderful place to start a family.
Ferr: Voted best medium-sized town in Hyrule three years in a row.
- Evek the philosopher strikes again.
Maxwell: [On the way to Medigoron's shop] Oh, come on! Who put all these walls here?
- Don't worry, the explosion propelled you to safety.
- Further into the Dodongo's Cavern, Maxwell gets creative in his problem solving.
Maxwell: [On top of a rising block] I'm on this. Now what happens?
Pipes: You're king of all—
Ferr: I'm gonna go stand on random objects and announce that to anyone who's around me.
Evek: That you're the king of everything, or..?
No. I'll walk into that gazebo in the park over there and just be like 'I'm on this! What happens now?'
Ferr: [In response to Maxwell swinging the sword at a locked door] Maybe if you punch in the security code.
Pipes: Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk!
- Maxwell tuning into the movie in the background.
Maxwell: So they start the movie with Gollum now?
Ferr: The movie started, like, 20 minutes ago.
Pipes: Where have you been?
- The Astronauts snarking at Navi's expense after a Dinolfos attacks.
Navi: Watch out!
Pipes: Thanks, Navi. That's really handy.
Ferr: There's a seven foot lizard in front of you. Watch out.
Ferr: I've thought good and hard about how to build powered rollerskates, and someday I will do it.
Maxwell: Power gorilla skates?
Maxwell: That's what I heard.
- Maxwell blundering around Hyrule Marketplace in search of the Happy Mask Shop.
Maxwell: [Enters the bazaar] [Beat]
This isn't the mask shop!
Evek: You're the one who went in there!
Pipes: You just did the equivalent of walking into Sears and saying 'This isn't the Cheesecake Factory!'
- Everybody poking fun at the Zelda series' tendency to hide stuff underneath graves.
Maxwell: It's like, 'Yeah, you can have my estate, but first you must move my grave and press the switch underneath.'
Maxwell: As long as I'm here I might as well start desecrating!
Pipes: Those graves aren't going to desecrate themselves.
Maxwell: Uh... somehow there's a treasure chest [under the grave]
Pipes: There's a little spring underneath the treasure chest. As soon as you press it it's like 'Boi-oi-oing!'
Pipes: We've got a full bag of bombs, half a pack of deku sticks, it's dark out and we're wearing sunglasses.
- Maxwell attempting to get the piece of heart from the vase in Goron City. For awhile, the conversation just devolves into random utterances, before picking back up.
Maxwell: Okay, new strategy: aiming!
Ferr: You're mad!
Pipes: Aiming is for suckers!
[Maxwell throws the bomb]
Maxwell: Did that go in?
Ferr: Yup. Apparently aiming works.
Pipes: Suckers and chumps.
- One of the 'random utterances' was also worth a chuckle:
- This exchange from early in Jabu Jabu's stomach:
Maxwell: Uvulas do not hover under their own power.
Pipes: Mine does.
- The ending of episode 17:
Ferr: Save the video! Save the video! Oh my god! Saveitsaveitsaveitsave—
- Someone mentioned the "window into your future with Alheimers" bit earlier on, but the tangent that Ferr and Pipes go off onto is hilarious, too:
Pipes: It's like a window into your future with Alheimers. 'I don't know which part of the dungeon I'm in! Are you Link?'
Ferr: This is what you're gonna be seeing, but you'll actually be punching orderlies in nursing homes.
Pipes: [As an old man] 'Are you the princess?'
Ferr: [As an old man] 'Stay back skulltula! Feel the wrath of my hookshot!'
Pipes: [As a nurse] 'Put down the pudding spoon!'
- Maxwell accidentally using Din's Fire when he meant to use the Lon Lon Milk:
Maxwell: Oh yeah. Milk is five hearts, so I might as well drink milk. [Accidentally uses Din's Fire] Well that's not the button!
- Maxwell griping about the repetitive Poe battles in the Forest Temple.
Maxwell: That last puzzle was so great, it's time to do the exact thing again. [Pulls out the bow and Joelle warps to another painting]
Pipes: What did we learn?!
- Right after that, Maxwell shoots her painting.
- This is definitely one of the Forest Temple's highlights
Maxwell: Is there a fire anywhere in this room?
- Pipes and Ferr acting like the basement of the Forest Temple is a carnival game.
Pipes: Round and round and round the dungeon goes! Where it stops, nobody knows! One dime is all it takes to riiiide the dungeon! You there, sir!
Pipes: Yes, you, sir! You look like a strapping young lad—
Ferr: Why yes, I do have straps!
- Similar to the above, Pipes and Ferr having a conversation about proper dungeon-keeping and getting distracted.
Pipes: Just once I'd like to go into a dungeon where they keep the boss key under the mat.
Ferr: Or above the door frame. Or under a fake rock.
Pipes: It wasn't a fake rock!
Ferr: It was a fake rock lobster!
- Maxwell getting himself stuck in the Fire Temple's maze.
[After this goes on for several minutes]
Pipes: This is the dungeon equivalent of turning around and walking into a rake.
- After giving up on Master Quest for the night/morning, Maxwell starts to catch us up to speed:
Maxwell: I seem to have opened up this shortcut here. I seem to be taking it.
Evek: So when did you get the upgrade to the purse?
Maxwell: I did that... when you were watching it happen.
- I saw that, game!
Evek: Just grab it! Run through! [Lunk does so, displaying the hard-won key]
Ferr: Get out of there! No! Don't celebrate! No! What are you doing? [In-scene, the platform falls down on him] Oh, Link... Why would you do a thing like that?
- When they abandon the Fire Temple (the first time) and head on to the Water Temple instead. Maxwell tries to use an item underwater, prompting the 'can't do that' noise.
Evek: Did Link just cut one, or what?
Ferr: Judging from the number of bubbles, I'd say yes.
[Maxwell presses the button several more times in quick succession]
- Every time they start making up song names. Examples include:
Pipes: Song of Time?
Maxwell: I tried that already.
Pipes: Song of Brine?
Ferr: Song of Slime?
Pipes: Song of Fine?
Ferr: Song of Rhyme!
Ferr: Play the Song of... What-the-Hell.
Maxwell: [Stands on the (full) well, playing the Sun's Song] Why do I think this works?
Ferr: Is that the Song of Sinking?
Maxwell: Wait... this is the time song. I don't want that.
Ferr: Maybe you should play some heavy metal.
Pipes: Play the Song of Something Else.
Ferr: Song of Shit! Song of Failure! Song of State-load!
Maxwell: That little handle thing is sort of sticking out there.
Ferr: I totally get that.
Evek: Hookshot, maybe?
Ferr: Oven mitt.
Maxwell: Equip oven mitt.
Ferr: Song of Oven Mitt! Song of Asbestos!
Evek: Asbestos gives you lung cancer.
Ferr: I thought it was 'Asbestos gives you wings'
Evek: [Beat] If you die from it.
- Back in the Fire Temple— after a brief stint in the Water Temple— the astronauts find themselves at a (seemingly) dead end. At this point, Maxwell has resorted to trying to open the way with everything from the hammer to Epona's Song.
Pipes: Let me guess— you have to go to another dungeon, press a switch, and then come back to this dungeon.
Ferr: You have to go to another game.
- Just a few minutes into episode 39, you can tell there's some sanity slippage going on. Between Ferr's punning, Maxwell's increasingly desperate (and bizarre) plans, and Pipes' ramblings, it's absolutely hilarious
- Then it gets worse/better. They speed the video up and start quoting Faces of Evil in stereo.
- The mysterious fate of Maxwell's Old Chair.
Pipes: What happened to your old chair?
Maxwell: I dunno.
[Everyone cracks up]
Pipes: You left the door open and it made its escape!
Ferr: Come back, chair! Come back!
Pipes: [As the chair] No more! I'm finally free!
Ferr: [As the chair] I've seen things man!
- The epic failure of the cucco sacrifice, prior to the Bottom of the Well.
Evek: Throw a chicken down the well.
Pipes: Exactly. We must make a sacrifice.
[Lunk throws the Cucco over the well]
Ferr: You missed!
Pipes: THE GODS ARE ANGRY!
[Lunk falls in the well]
Ferr: Chickens sacrifice you!
Pipes: That chicken has been rejected by the powers that be.
[Lunk throws the cucco again. It lands on the beam above the well]
- As soon as they get to the Bottom of the Well, Ferr immediately starts questioning it.
Ferr: Shouldn't everything in here be dead because it was underwater thirty seconds ago?
Maxwell: It's zombies.
Ferr: ... and shouldn't all the water have tasted like zombie... pieces?
- Right after that, Maxwell attempts to stun a Redead with limited success.
Maxwell: [Throws the boomerang at a Redead repeatedly] This is probably not improving my relationship with the zombie.
Pipes: He only lives to hump you. [Beat] Or... he only un-lives to hump you.
[Lunk gets screamed at by the redead]
Maxwell: No! Boomerang! No! No!
Pipes: THE TIME OF MOLESTATION IS UPON YOU!
- Ferr and Evek trying to help Maxwell solve a puzzle.
Maxwell: Yeah, I gotta drain the water and crawl through that hole down there. It'll be fun.
Ferr: Drink it all.
Maxwell: It tastes like zombies. I don't wanna.
Ferr: You said it didn't taste like zombies!
- Ferr's advice on dungeon decor.
Ferr: You know what this dungeon needs?
Ferr: I was gonna say 'cows in the walls' but... that could be part of it too.
- One of the worse traps in the Spirit Temple:
Maxwell: Why is it playing scary music? Why...? [Pans camera up to a Like Like] Oh! Why!? Whyyyyy?
Evek: Uh... what?
Ferr: There's a throbbing mass above your head.
Maxwell: [Beat] I see that.
- Problem solving in the Spirit Temple:
Pipes: Can you put the little block on the big block, then play the Song of Time to bring the big block up here?
Maxwell: That sounds ridiculous, so it's probably right.
- Pipes getting exasperated by the magical land of Hylia.
Maxwell: Eh... there's gotta be magic somewhere.
Pipes: [Scoffs] It's inside you.
- More nut-related humor as deku nuts fall off a platform.
Pipes: Oh! Nuts lost!
Ferr: Your nuts fell again!
Pipes: Nuts down! Nuts down!
- Maxwell calling Kaepora Gaebora out.
Maxwell: How can it be a legend if it's happening right now and also in the future? That's the opposite of a legend.
Pipes: It is happening now and in the future! Thousands of years ago!
- The entire bonus episode from the Spirit Temple— the Pet Jenga sections especially.
[Silence, Ferr and Evek crack up]
The current theory is that in the future we'll live on the moon and play pet Jenga. With pets.
'Cause there'll be microgravity and we can do that.
Pipes: Pet Jenga? What? What the fuck?
Ferr: I can do that now.
Pipes: [Through laughter] By the makers of Jenga!
Ferr: Coming soon, Pet Connect-4!
Pipes: Don't not play Pet Jenga! How do you win pet Jenga?
Ferr: By knocking over the pet tower.
Pipes: How do you get so many pets?
Ferr: You live on the moon!
Pipes: Will there be more pets per person on the moon? PPP? Pets per person?
- Further into the Spirit Temple, Maxwell demonstrates just how tired of Master Quest he's gotten.
Ferr: I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!
Maxwell: At this point, I might even prefer one of those games over this.
Ferr: I... Do I need to slap you? I think you've actually reached a delusional state.
Maxwell: I'm exaggerating a little bit. But if this game demands more repetition...
Ferr: Great! I'll get my stuff!
Maxwell: I've been wondering lately, what happens if you put a cartridge game in a microwave? I just wish I had a cartridge copy of this game so I could put it in a microwave... just sayin'.
Maxwell: Where's my heart container? There. No, you've gotta go back in time, then go forward in time, then go back in time again... to hit the same switch three times. To unlock a room that has a heart container.
Ferr: Aieva! [Starts humming "Tequila"]
Ferr: [Finishes humming] Aieva!
- There are quite a few moments from the quest for the Biggoron's Sword, too.
Maxwell: I'm just gonna take a second to appreciate this pose that Link is doing right here. Hand on his heart, cock in his hand.
- Maxwell and Ferr reliving the best and worst day ever.
Maxwell: When we did the marathon recording session at one point that happened and, uh, Pipes said 'Oh, he clipped it!' and I said 'He didn't clip it, he clopped it!' and that seemed hilarious to me. And in my mind I was saying 'Clippity clopped it, clippity clopped it!' over and over again. I was trying so hard not to laugh. I was so far gone.
Ferr: That was simultaneously the best and worst day ever.
- Their reaction to their advisor getting cut off.
Ferr: 'To get the last bottle you need to catch the ten S'
Ferr: I think I got cut off.
Pipes: Snakes. Spiders...
- Pipes' transformation into Captain Obvious:
No you're not.
- Maxwell having a tough time in the Forest Temple section of Ganondorf's Castle.
Maxwell: This time I'm state saving and I'm gonna find out what happens when you go down— [Lunk falls into an abyss]
Pipes: That's what happens.
Maxwell: The wind was blowing Link around, so I couldn't get down there.
Ferr: The wind is off now.
[Maxwell steers Lunk into the abyss again]
Pipes: And so is your aim!
Ferr: Yeah. Welcome to this game.
- About thirty seconds later, there's Maxwell's 'playing in the sprinkler' moment
Maxwell: Okay. I killed everything and nothing happened... but at least I had the most ridiculous Zelda fight I've ever had.
- "Oh, I get it! It doesn't make sense, but I get it..."
- There's also Maxwell getting into the enemy's head:
Maxwell: See, this is how I solve the puzzles in this game. I imagine the cruelest setup for a puzzle that they could make and then see if that's the case. In this case I imagine that there's an invisible object inside this that would appear if you used the Lens of Truth, but I guess not.
Pipes: You realize you're starting to think like them?
Ferr: That's never a good thing.
Pipes: After we finish this game, Maxwell's going to have to go through some intense counter-programming.
Maxwell: You notice they put the, uh, fire ice here just to piss me off?
Ferr: So you need to go all the way back and get water again?
Maxwell: No, I brought some with me 'cause I knew they were gonna do that.
Evek: You are thinking like them.
Maxwell: Oh, but I— Oh, I underestimated them!
- The dungeon just raises one more middle finger to you.
- This may be the one time that Lunk catches a break, and the Astronauts still expect the game to pull one over on them:
[Maxwell steers Lunk onto an unlocked platform to hit an eyeswitch]
Pipes: It's gonna disappear.
- Maxwell's explanation of steering Lunk into a fire pit.
Maxwell: Is this punishment or reward for state saving? I can't decide...
- Pipes trying to figure out how Ganondorf floats in midair and attacks.
pipes!: So, when he's floating around in the air like that... is he building up static?
Ferr: It's the magical equivalent of rubbing your socks on the carpet.
pipes! Link just tosses a cat at him and there's a large bang...
- Maxwell wants to see what happens when time runs out during the escape from Ganon's Castle, seeing as he has save states and a fast-forward button, and with 10 seconds left on the clock...
Ferr: Go back in and save the children.
Evek: What children?
pipes!: Oh no, Bootsy and Mootsy!
Lunk immediately runs into a respawned Redead in the previous room which stuns him and slowly approaches him as the timer hits 0. The entire group laughs.
pipes!: THE LAST THING YOU SEE!
- Maxwell pouncing on the opportunity to tell us a groan-worthy pun:
Evek: That was fuckin' painful.
Maxwell: (gleefully) I've been saving that all week.
- Everybody joking around during the final battle:
Pipes: Nothing says 'final showdown' like 'ocarina'
Ferr: I challenge you to a flute-off!
Evek: Finish him!
Ferr: By your powers combined...
Pipes: I am good for 2000 flushes!
- Maxwell recounting a zombie dream he had after encountering Stalkids for the first time.
I had a nightmare about a zombie invasion the other night. It started out with this city that everyone knew was overrun by zombies, and it was all blockaded, you couldn't go in there. I was in the plane, I was flying from one place to another... Pipes: Things are relatively coherent so far. Maxwell:
Yeah, and the pilot started showing symptoms of, y'know, zombification, he's like twitching and stuff, and everyone knows he's gonna turn into a zombie, and everyone gathers in the cockpit like, "Okay, we gotta kill the captain before he turns into a zombie!" And everyone's like "No, I don't wanna do it! I can't kill a man!" And then he goes full-on zombie and bites a dude, and then someone tries to shoot the captain but, like, his angle's way off and shoots the window. Buncha guys get sucked out the window, the plane crashes straight into zombie city. It got messy from there on, cause it was like... people going after zombies, but there was like a zombie samurai
— Pipes: THERE WE GO!
We've made the leap to absurd!
- Shortly after entering the Fire Temple, Maxwell walks into a room and waltzes straight into a Like Like which eats both his Hylian Shield and Goron Tunic. After killing it and spawning a treasure chest...
I got my tunic back, but I didn't get my shield back! Evek: Oh, no. Maxwell:
This game is cruel! He opens the chest. "You got a Hylian Shield!" Maxwell: *amidst laughter*
Oh, hey! Ferr: Oddly appropriate.
- Near the end of the game, they discuss the creation of the manliest sport ever.
Evek: So what if the whole playing filed is ice?
: What if the whole playing field is hamburger steak.