- His review of 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, where he gives a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to 50 Cent, and most mainstream rappers in general - not because he's racist, mind you, but because the message most rappers give is basically "Damn, It Feels Good to Be a Gangster!", and that the ideal life is being one of the Nouveau Riche living off of Hookers and Blow.
Maybe this is the sort of thing you need to wear baggy trousers to understand, but is this really a life to aspire to? Writing a million songs about mistreating women, so you can one day live out the wealth fantasies of a shallow, materialistic thirteen year old? Taking a lot of pictures of yourself holding large wads of money really close to the camera with an angry look on your face like the camera man just broke wind? Destined to one day fall victim to the Glock of Damocles or live long enough to be chewed up and spat out by the exploitative music industry?
- His Wolfenstein (2009) review, done entirely in limerick form.
With the Wolfenstein series updatedIt's straight-forward enough I can't hate itFor the goodies I rootAnd the baddies I shootAnd their corpses I leave desecrated
- And later, in his review of Wolfenstein: The New Order, he genuinely appreciated how much the game was a Surprisingly Improved Sequel to the last game, especially with how he praises all the characters - compared to the 2009 Wolfenstein, where he openly said he didn't care what'll happen to the characters, he pretty much says ALL of the characters in The New Order were complex characters with all sorts of development, from how the Nazis were absolute monsters that the player is WELL motivated to take down, to even how B.J. Blazkowicz was a Tragic Hero constantly on a hairpin's edge from plummeting down a Despair Event Horizon... And then, even though he did the limerick for the last game because it was just too boring to review the standard way, he concludes this review with one last little ditty:
- The fact that the developers of [PROTOTYPE] and inFAMOUS both responded to his call to render the other game's lead character in lingerie, which Yahtzee took as proof that he was the secret ruler of the internet.
- The best part was that they both included unicorns and rainbows in their images. That's right - the teams behind Dueling Products that came out so close together that they couldn't possibly be ripping each other off did it twice.
- The contest was also referenced in the Game Pro article for Prototype 2.
- The best part was that they both included unicorns and rainbows in their images. That's right - the teams behind Dueling Products that came out so close together that they couldn't possibly be ripping each other off did it twice.
- Duke Nukem Forever. The actual review and the joke.
- His Extra Punctuation on Roger Ebert's claims of the validity of video games as artwork, in which he gives a respectful, rational and highly intelligent breakdown of the argument that proves to be one of the most sober and thoughtful takes of the issue found anywhere on the internet. Doubles as a Pet the Dog moment.
Art is any created work that provokes strong emotions in you, personally. And trying to impose your feelings on someone else is as pointless and time-consuming as trying to impregnate a dishwasher.'
- His Ocarina of Time 3DS review had the usual generic Nintendo-bashing, but in a refreshing twist he never explicitly condemned the game but made the point that the game is thirteen years old and has a dozen sequels which have expanded upon it, and Nostalgia Filter won't turn those who didn't play it when it was new.
- Beating Gears of War fan boys to the punch by telling them that if he said the plot of Gears of War was actually good, they'd trumpet that from the rooftops, but if he said the plot was crap, they'd be howling at him "what did you expect in a Gears of War game?"
- Be honest- none of us expected Yahtzee to be honestly excited about Watch_Dogs? Or at least impressed with it, saying that it's a perfect example of how to announce a game- no fucking around with fancy HD trailers, just 10 minutes of straight up gameplay.
- His defense of Juliet Starling from Lollipop Chainsaw as "comparatively progressive", complete with a Take That! against the Tomb Raider reboot:
Juliet is always in control of the situation, has a healthy, devoted family life, and the developers would never suggest that the player should feel motivated to protect her from rapists - seriously, that's pretty fucked.
"Captain Walker decides to shoot the white phosphorous! Jason Brody decides to stay on the island! That's what makes their characters develop! Lara just alternates between breathy whimpers and bland resignation. 'So you can kill a man and take a machete like a champ', a concrete block can do that! But you can't kick one out the back of a speeding truck and call that a 'character arc'!"
- Speaking of Tomb Raider, Yahtzee's review has him calling out how the 'Character Development through a Dark and Troubled Past reboot' doesn't work if there's no character development outside of a Freak Out! after the first kill, Dull Surprise from kill 2 to game conclusion, and the feeling that the character is a constantly Railroaded Cosmic Plaything that doesn't give players the feeling of choice in 'developing' the character.
- In DayZ, managing to fight an entire horde of zombies with nothing but a fire axe and a bolt action rifle (which him firing attracted the horde in the first place) and managing to come out of it alive (albeit barely) certainly counts.
- In XCOM Enemy Unknown, using a heavy to blow a hole in a UFO and then using a sniper to double tap a high level threat alien in the head with no other turns left when they were out of range to help. Described by him as one of his high points of the game.
"A masterstroke of unconventional strategizing of which I was so embarrassingly proud that I boasted furiously about it for the entire last thirty seconds of an internet video." *Cue credits*
- In his dual review of Doom 3 BFG Edition and Medal of Honor Warfighter (ha ha ha ha), Yahtzee calls out the people who protested at him giving Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3 the joint worst-game award by saying he "doesn't like shooters," getting genuinely angry at them, which makes it even more awesome.
Yahtzee: I suppose Warfighter, ahahaha, exasperates because after I declared Battlefield 3 and Modern Warfare as the twin bollock lords of shit mountain there were dissenting voices dismissing my opinion on the basis that I "just don't like shooters". Oh you ignorant little bastards, stick your balls up your ass and clench yourself castrated. I was into shooters when you were sucking on Wiimotes, you cover-loving, health-regenerating, murderer-come-latelies. You don't even know what a shooter is! A shooter is fast-paced circle-strafing wits-about-you rocket-jumping last-scrap-of-health toodly-fuckpies organic excitement in a fancy hat! It is not riding a conveyor belt to the next chest-high wall and resting your head on it until you get lulled into a lovely little sleep by other people's gunfire!
- The bit at the end of the E3 2013 review, where he admits that the Xbox One DRM issue had been resolved, and that he has to fall back on "less popular" arguments, such as...
Yahtzee: ...their blind insistence to empty spectacle above all else, to make Triple-A development all the more elitist and prohibitively expensive, the systematic erasure of console gaming history one generation at a time, the flagrantly anti-consumer culture of artificial exclusivity, that this has created a world in which games are expected to support consoles, in which artwork exists to serve a medium on which artwork is presented, as if the words of a great novel exist to serve paper, or a great film exists to serve a piece of wall on which it has been projected, and so on and so on and so on...
- You've got to admit that it took serious courage for Yahtzee to give The Last of Us a negative review instead of praising it like every other reviewer despite knowing the backlash he would receive afterwards.
- Also worth noting that while he admits the game's intro sequence and story are done well, the latter being something people often praise, he also comments that game's plot is very predictable.
- The fact that he was one of the only reviewers to call the game out on its horrific Moral Dissonance. Even Gamespot's infamous 8.8 review only went so far as to call the violence too extreme. Yahtzee actively called out all the morally heinous and downright horrifying shit Joel and Ellie do throughout the game.
- Another one is for how he responded to the viewers "stimulating E-Mails" in comparison to SSBB: Instead of dedicating another video to shame them, he decides to empathize with those viewers, and review a really shitty game to help them both vent frustration.
- A pretty bang-on response to a common rebuttal in "Broken Age":
'That's the joke,' I hear you argue. 'Then why aren't I laughing,' I retort.
- His What Is The Matter With You People? article, besides calling out some rather disturbing people in the Call of Duty Fan Dumb, he also brings up how the death scene from the nuclear bomb in the original Modern Warfare managed to be both shocking and horrifying due how the player character in it is struggle to survive before finally succumbing, and how the attempts to shock the player in the series have gone down hill:
By Modern Warfare 2, though, the series had rather drastically devalued killing off the player character, and virtually every temporary protagonist who isn't palling around with Captain Price's unit gets knocked off by the end of their moment in the spotlight. Instead, the game finds a different way to play with our expectations of a player character by having us participate in a massacre of innocent civilians. It gives us the usual nose-leading mission directive but simultaneously, within the context of the world, condemns us for following it. It brings to mind that one science experiment where members of the public continued electrocuting a prisoner because an authority figure told them to. How much would it take to persuade an average person to commit an atrocity? When we come to Modern Warfare 3, the "shocking moment" has become just another item on the checklist, and is a hollow, incidental event. There's no toying with the perceptions of a player character and their role; you just get to see a small child get blown to bits in London. Presumably just one of many children who were killed in the slightly ridiculous simultaneous chemical attacks on every European city, but apparently the one worth focusing on was the American tourist. Perhaps they felt all the native London children would be less relatable because they'd all be picking pockets and covered in dirt from sweeping chimneys. But that's not why I'm complaining about it (for once). I'm complaining because it failed in its purpose. It wasn't shocking because I saw it coming a mile off. And it bothers me because it wasn't included for its importance to the plot or for any kind of gratification (at least I hope not), but because there had to be a shocking moment. It seems almost bureaucratic, like it was requested by the accounting rather than the story department. And there's something very disturbing about a large faceless game publisher coldly and emotionlessly tearing apart a simulated child purely because it was on the schedule for that day.
- The "A Link Between Worlds" review. A minute into the video, after building up to bash the game, Yahtzee, convinced that the only one who would actually keep watching after that point would be Nintendo themselves, proceeds to have a chat with Nintendo concerning their recent failure syndrome.
Now, if you're looking for a balanced and thoughtful critique of the game, then what the fuck are you doing here? I'm basically just going to rail it with the same points as always until it cries. Strap in while I strap on, dear viewer. Now, what's this game all about then; you play as Link and you have to rescue the princess Zelda? Wow, across the meadows of fresh ideas you stride like a Colossus, don't you? Oh, but it's very innovatively invoking "Link to the Past" on the SNES; the very same way I very innovatively crawled up my mum's vagina and stuck my thumb in my mouth. I'm going to continue like this for five minutes of your life that you will never get back! ... Have they gone? Right; sorry about the subterfuge. By my calculations, the only person still watching will be Nintendo itself, ego surfing. And you and me need to have a little talk, man to monstrously large corporation.
- Yahtzee's summation of his Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2 review, where he complains about how much of a wuss the game makes Dracula:
"It is a nice idea to be able to play as Dracula; I look forward to the game that allows us to do so! Rather than the shirtless mopey pantywaist presented for us here."..."Dracula does not tussle with the groundlings like a terrier at the bear-baiting! Dracula does not do mandatory stealth sections! Dracula does not fetch quest! Dracula is the guy on the far end of an army of minions, slouched on a throne, tossing expensive wine glasses aside 'cause he couldn't give two licks of a used tampon for whoever has to shampoo the carpet!"
- His review of BioShock 2; he goes into details on what a good sequel should do, mainly take advantage of plot ideas that could be expanded on, but he feels that the original Bioshock did such a good job wrapping up all its plot threads that it has no room for a sequel, and the idea of playing as a Big Daddy also ignored what they were supposed to represent in the original, along with creating a completely a Super Prototype that made him wonder why it wasn't seen in the original. Even allowing the story to make any sense given the state Rapture was in required a number of Retcons that he felt made no sense.
- In a shocking turn of events, instead of Accentuating the Negative in his review of Dark Souls, he praised it and went on for most of the video going on about how much he liked it. He even mentioned how good it is in later reviews.
- In his review of Half-Life, despite how he frequently complains about the state of the FPS genre, he's able to see through his Nostalgia Filter and admit that the game represents aspects of older FPS games that he never liked, mainly platforming and having to walk on narrow ledges, things that he feels don't work well when done from a first person perspective. None the less, he still finds the game's story is very well told and praises it as an example of how a story can be told without relying heavily on cutscenes.
- While he has fun taking jabs at Nintendo, during the review of Luigi's Mansion, in the midst of jab at how convoluted recent Nintendo controllers have been, he detours into a Take That! directed towards "dedicated social media interfaces that run on money", saying that Nintendo at least still makes "games machines."
- In The Sims 4 review he argues that EA's deep cuts into the content shows that they have missed at least part of the point of what makes the series so compelling.
So presumably, you know what The Sims is by this point - it's the best possible argument against the existence of a benevolent interventionist god, in which you direct small groups of dollhouse residents until they cease to amuse, then burn their lives to the ground and laugh at their betrayed tears. But before you start assembling your psychotic single-white-female-esque campaign of torment, do bare in mind that there isn't any swimming in Sims 4. So you can no longer lure them into the pool and delete the ladder, which was so iconic to the series, they might as well have removed the green diamond thing.
I wonder if, in their snip-happy way, EA truly realizes how devastating to the core principle removing swimming pools really is. What The Sims is is a consumerist middle class fantasy about walling yourself off from the real world and reducing all measurement of human development and personal success to one's possessions, your dragon's hoard of crass, suburban decadence. And in that game of Top Trumps, the swimming pool is a kingly crown. It's always the first thing on my progress list when I play The Sims, after the second toilet and a TV bigger than my left bum cheek.
- His Extra Punctuation column on the "PC Master Race", which was written as a response to fans urging him to make a comeback to an article on PC Gamer. Instead of biting the bait and turning this into a snark combat, Yahtzee calmly explains how ridiculous the notion of the term being equated to Nazism is, and how that the fact people using this term aren't aware of it being a reference would mean this crushes the original Nazi meaning it had:
Because the Nazis were dicks, and they don't deserve to have power over our language anymore. If some millennial can honestly use the term 'PC Master Race' for years without even knowing that it's a Nazi reference, then I'd chalk that up as a win. That's how badly you lost, Mr. Hitler - your armies were destroyed, your nasty ideals have been condemned, and now we've taken all your favorite words away. Suck it, Dolfy.
- His absolutely, brutally epic rip into Konami's poor business practices at the beginning of his review of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain:
I think it's safe to say that all bets were right the fuck off when it came to The Phantom Pain. Even more than they usually are with Hideo Kojima [...] Because of course Konami recently decided that they're going to take everything they've built over the years as a game developer, arrange it nicely in front of them, and then pick up a big hammer and smash and smash and smash and smash and smash! "Sorry we had to cancel Silent Hills, but we kind of lost our interest in it around the same time we lost our FUCKING MINDS!!! Here, have a pachinko machine instead! We like pachinko machines, because it's nice to have something around with some fucking balls! Also, fuck off, Hideo Kojima, you're too reliably bankable for our liking! We'd much rather stick our feet up our arse and bounce down the stairs making burbling noises with our lips! Blblblblblblbl!"
- Yahtzee calling out Nintendo for not including a gay relationship option in Tomodachi Life:
Tomodachi Life encourages you to populate it with the Miis of real life friends and family, and to disallow same sex relationships it tacitly denies that they exist in reality, or at least assume that no gay person or friend of a gay person could possibly be playing it, because they're all off playing their special gay games for gay people that come in pink boxes adorned with chest hair.
- The veritable conga-line of political Take Thats from the Enemy Front & Valiant Hearts opening sequence (though some didn't like that Yahtzee was continuing to spout the tired stereotype of "everyone who likes military shooters is a right-wing nutjob):
* The days of straight-faced, ripped-from-the-headlines, right-wing wish-fulfillment giving Johnny Terrorist what-for in the dusty ruins of Suicide Bomber University are waning, maybe because the house of cards that is stability in the Middle East just refuses to stay up no matter how many times we set fire to it.* Or perhaps there's a growing sense that our personal safety is less at risk from jabbering extremists inspired by 72 virgins and more from frustrated white loners inspired by one virgin, namely himself.* I think conservatives in America have been Hoist by Their Own Petard. They just kept knocking down any chance of gun legislation and effectively forced America to accept that a massacre is something it's just gonna have to put up with now and again. And then they wonder why no one seems to care about taking revenge for 9/11 anymore!
- He quickly reviews Undertale to include it in his Top 5 Best Games of 2015 as #1 in the same video.note
- Arguably, his review of Metroid: Other M is this to it's detractors. Though many critics have gone on about how bad the games is (one lesser-known reviewer made a four-part review spanning about eighty minutes), Yatzee basically and crassly summed up all of their complaints in little over five minutes. This feat had a fan pledging in the comments section that, when the time comes that Yatzee will insult a game they like, they will forgive him. Someone on the internet forgiving a critic for criticizing something they like.
- His review of Metroid Prime: Federation Force, by far his angriest sounding review to date, where he absolutely thrashes the game for being nothing more then a weak cash in on a popular franchise and takes Nintendo to task for its continued mistreatment of the franchise.
- Yahtzee goes off on political discussions, especially on the Internet, during his review of Hatred, and it is GLORIOUS.
We live in an age where mass communication has counter-intuitively turned all attempts at verbal debate into a basketball game where the teams are on different courts, and stand around a basket racking up meaningless points and throwing shit over the dividing wall. The only way an individual can safely express their politics these days is to anonymously spend money. Hence why homophobic pizza joints can mysteriously accrue a million dollars in donations. ''Hatred'' exists merely as a maypole for those wishing to defy the cultural nannies who want to tell them that they can't have it until they learn to wipe their bottoms properly. So two groups of affluent middle class people annoy each other, Hatred makes lots of money, and the world at large gives less of a toss than a quadriplegic shot-putter. Good night!
- His review on Until Dawn, where he attacks it for completely missing the point of the slasher films it references.
Until Dawn is an interactive story of the David Cage school pushed through the filter of slasher movie with the promise being that if we make all the right decisions, perhaps we could keep all the out-of-work twenty-something actors alive. I don't think you were paying attention, Until Dawn. I will have made the right decisions if every single one of these gurgleberks ends up upholstering the soft furnishings in Leatherface's man cave.
- In the "Hot Coffee" controversy video, Yahtzee pointing out the reason that Moral Guardians stopped attacking Rockstar and Take Two over their games? There was no money to be made from it from the class action settlement.
- In March 2018, Yahtzee posted a withering review of Half-Life fan-game "Hunt Down The Freeman", but didn't stop at criticizing the story or development quality; he saved his worst criticisms for Valve (the creators of Half-Life) for letting this infringement of their property be published and sold on Steam for actual money with no complaints, rubbing more salt in the wound of fans who have waited years for Half-Life 3 but most likely are not going to get it. He then goes on a rant about how Triple-A games seem intent on no longer providing meaningful experiences, and the ones that do get buried in the Steam store while Valve (once a pioneer in meaningful gameplay experiences) can't be bothered. By the end, Yahtzee sounds genuinely upset and hurt.
"What happened to you?! WHAT HAPPENED TO US?!!"