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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Zero Punctuation
Yahtzee is Eminem from an alternate timeline where he discovered video games instead of rap.
They're both foul-mouthed white men who are famous for their unique style of art, and they both share a love-hate relationship with their fans.

Yahtzee doesn't really care about Episode 3 as a game
Think about it: he's previously expressed his opinion that a series needs to die once the developers can't think of anything new to do with it, and in his Orange Box review, he chided Episode 2 for repeating some of the setpeices from vanilla Half-life 2 and Episode 1. He's also repeatedly shown that he gets a massive thrill from pissing off die-hard fans of any given property, as well as his disdain and confusion at the very concept of a fandom. With those two facts taken together, it would make sense to think that the only reason he's pushing for Episode 3's release before Valve is ready is because he's planning on bombing it and igniting the mother of all firestorms in the heart of one of the biggest fanbases on the internet.
  • Not likely. First, he's a big fan of Valve. Portal is one of the only games he's called "perfect", and YTOTW showed that he was already a fan of Half-Life. Yes, he's criticized the other episodes, but Valve themselves have stated that their experiment with episodic releases isn't working, and that after Episode 3, they'll go back to normal cycles. Since he probably knows that, he's probably urging them to release Ep3 early as a "Get it over with" scenario.
  • TC (I can't think of any other term), you should probably lay off the conspiracy theory sites for a while.
  • From his Half-Life Extra Punctuation: "You know, I almost don't even care about Half-Life 3 anymore, because it can only remove some of the ambiguity that makes the series interesting. But that's a very, very big "almost". With fireworks bursting out of every letter except the S, which is actually a big snake." Guess we can call this Jossed.

Warhammer 40k is actually a metaphor for Internet Culture and Yahtzee is the Tau Empire
Think about it: Not very great in terms of resources, but influential, will work against the trend even if others dislike it and believes he is a smart person in a swathe of trash and arse. This of course means that 4chan is the Eye of Terror.
  • Even the Eye of Terror has some standards.
  • Plus all the yellow.
  • And they both employ smaller, odd species to help them (Tau with Kroots, Yahtzee with his Imps)

Yahtzee likes Kingdom Hearts.
Think about it. His review of Epic Mickey made it obvious that he must have played Kingdom Hearts 1 and Kingdom Hearts II at some point, yet he never reviewed the game and took it apart, like he did with Final Fantasy XIII and, to some extent, The World Ends with You. Now, why would he miss such a great oportunity to bash an insanely popular franchise to hell, heavens and back? The reason is obvious: Yahtzee played KH, enjoyed it and thus can't make a review about it that bashes it. Further evidence for this is that, while he mentioned the games twice during the Epic Mickey review, he didn't badmouth it in the slightest, only mention the fact that one can easily read uncomfortable subtext into Sora's interaction with the Disney Characters. Being so nice to a JRPG is really unusual for Yahtzee.
  • I'd be careful with that assumption, that's the same mistake the guys who asked for the Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Pokémon White and Borderlands reviews made.
    • I'm not saying he should review it or that he thinks it's a very good game (KH has many flaws, which's existence even hardcore fans like me have to admit) just that he probably enjoyed playing it. Indeed, if he were to review it, he'd probably not give it a very good "score", since its gameplay and the gameplay:story ratio is just way below the standart Yahtzee keeps preaching.
  • Wishful thinking on your behalf. It's probably what the troper right below me said.
    • Or maybe he's played it, didn't like it and was unable to come up with what he deemed a good enough show about it. He has mentioned this happening before, so who knows?
  • The fact that this propped up in the visuals to the Pokemon White review suggests he's read this and jossed it.
    • Techincally, he never explicitly said that.
      • Emphasis on suggests, there's the possibility to consider as the middle man.
  • According to the Portal 2 Review, he actually can like games.

Yahtzee likes most of the games he plays.
He started his act as a parody of video game fans constantly complaining about everything and has been seeing who "gets it," as a form of My Species Doth Protest Too Much. He keeps his loyal groups of fans around just for his own amusement at how much they miss the point. This would explain why he has such hatred of anyone being a "fan" of something, as he's seen more than his share of vile, hateful words coming from the mouths of people who call themselves "fans." Based on what he says, the one thing he seems to genuinely dislike is the Wii, as it's gone completely against his expectations and sold like hotcakes. And possibly the United States, though that might just be another part of his parody, as it's been quite popular to hate the USA for many years now.
  • Maybe. I get the sense he likes most games but he just feels that to often people (and reviews) overlook the negative when giving 'fair' reviews. Many of the things he mentions in the reviews aren't likely to be brought up but are nevertheless valid points. It seems as if he feels that a good review (critic, fan, whomever) doesn't just review the positive but the negative in equal measure and takes the entirety into consideration.
    • So he rags on a game... because too many professional reviewers aren't thorough enough with their criticism? That's actually an interesting idea, if only we could get his word on this.
    • Uh, he's frequently mentioned this in reviews. He's never made a secret on how he mostly brings up the negative because a lot of other people focus on the positive.

Yahtzee chooses certain titles as the subject of his episodes specifically to see how many nerves he can prod at.
Every now and again, a review of his seems to go past "I don't like this game", even by the standards of the show, specifically ones with fanbases that are known to have skin thinner than the membrane of a bacterium. In short, while he's getting paid to critisize games in an entertaining and yet valid manner, he's also been making his unofficial title of professional troll quite literal when he gets a chance.

Yahtzee is a troper.
He has used trope names several times in his reviews or columns. More specifically, in the Driver: San Francisco review, he expresses his disdain for "Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies". One "Extra Punctuation" column talked about taking darkness in a story too far, specifically using the words "Dark and Edgy" (and eventually "dedgyark") to describe it. Combined with his expressed love for good storytelling, it's not a stretch to think that he found TV Tropes one day and has been trapped here ever since, even if he doesn't have an actual profile.
  • Yahtzee has been using trope words quite a while before Driver: San Francisco, maybe even from the start. And there is no way to know if Yahtzee is Known or not or even if he knows about TV Tropes becuse trope words are used in gaming circles too.
  • If he is hes a troper that named a trope.

Yahtzee is Karkat Vantas.
  • He swears a lot, uses convoluted and hilarious metaphors, talks quite loudly, and is incredibly critical and harsh, focusing on how awful a game is.

Top 5/Bottom 5 of 2012 predictions
Others can add their predictions as well. Feel free to delete it when the actual list comes out.

Top 5:
  • 5: Prototype 2 (He enjoyed getting around, it was more balanced than the original, and despite being relatively silly, he still said it was fun.)
  • 4: Either Dishonored (He did say it came close to Thief's level of excellent stealth gameplay, but was bogged down by the Moral Choice System of Doom), or Doom3 BFG Edition (Actual context, no objective markers, and much better than the spunkgargleweewee that was Medal of Honor Warfighter -pahahahaha-)
  • 3: *Insert token independent game title here* (More than likely, he'll place it here to counter the arguements that his #4 worst game is a sign of him "selling out")
  • 2: X-Com Enemy Unknown (He welcomed the changes that X-COM purists dismissed, and considered it a large step above Valkyria Chronicles, which was in relatively the same genre)
  • 1: Spec Ops: The Line (It affected him enough to seem genuinely depressed afterwards, and the emotional high is one of the big reasons why he recommended it in the first place. Said emotional high is not at the same "fucking a burning dolphin" level of Silent Hill 2, but it came pretty close)

Bottom 5:
  • 5: Assassin's Creed III (Too much faffing about, not enough stabbing. The only game in the series that he considered boring)
  • 4: AMY (One of the worst horror games he's reviewed, and the fact that it's an indy game didn't stop him from thrashing it. His #3 best game will be set in place to counter any "Yahtzee hates an indy game? HE SOLD OUT HURR DURR OVERPRETENTIOUS DURR" arguments.)
  • 3: Medal of Honor Warfighter (pahahaha) (Bad enough to earn it's own genre name of Spunk-Gargle-Wee-Wee)
  • 2: Resident Evil 6 (Managed to be even weaker than Resident Evil 5, and he didn't hold that game in high regard either. He may put Halo 4 here instead, just to troll the fanboys or because Microsoft broke Bungie's promise of stopping the series -which Yahtzee approved of-, but if not, Resident Evil 6 will be #2)
  • 1: Inversion (Managed to fuck up gravity powers by forcing players to use cover beforehand, thus stripping the game of the only Cadbury Creme Eggs it had.)
    • I doubt he'll put Halo4 on that list. He said that he enjoyed the story and thought it was a definite step up from Halo 2 and 3(the only other entries of the main series he's played), but it was way too short.
  • The actual list is:
  • Best Of:
    • 5: Dishonored. Brought up his complaints about the moral choice system and dialogue again, but praised the stealth.
    • 4: The Walking Dead: Praised the story and pacing, but didn't put it higher because his keyboard hasn't forgiven him yet.
    • 3: Far Cry 3: Mentioned it was a late edition (Actually the second last game he reviewed before the Best/Worst of), but mentioned again how it was vastly superior to Far Cry 2.
    • 2: X-COM Enemy Unknown: Said it how an old franchise should be rebooted (throwing a Take That at EA for the Syndicate reboot in the process), and lead it into Warfighter (Ha ha ha).
    • 1: Spec Ops The Line: While he criticised how he now reviews modern shooters hoping for another groundbreaking story like this, he praised the story again, and mentioned that the developers deserve much more love for making it.

  • Worst Of:
    • 5: Resident Evil 6: Said the game hit its prime with RE 4, and that he just wants the thing to die already.
    • 4: Neverdead: Said he found the game cute, but still had massive design flaws.
    • 3: Steel Batalion Heavy Armour: Hated the Kinect support and decided the developers just didn't care.
    • 2: Medal Of Honour Warfighter: (Pahaha) Brought up how warfighter is an actual military word and the spunk-gargle-wee-wee incident, and mentioned he only reviewed it because of his favourite game.
    • 1: Amy: Loathed this game, and noted it was the first Indie game he put in the Bottom Five and said it was downright offensive.
Before the year ends, he's going to do a follow up The Walking Dead review.
After all, he WAS completely wrong about how it would end...
  • Sort of- he gave it No 4 in his Best Of and praised it again.
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