Villain Critique Thread (Because Its About Damn Time!)

@ry4n Thanks for getting back to me!

While most of humanity survived the apocalypse, Kas is the only one who was there before it happened. People have records of what the old world was like, sure, but Kas is the only remaining human in existence who was actually there. The exact methods of how he did so are left somewhat vague, but his nanites are implied to be the primary cause. I could probably cut the beauty treatments, though. Updated his backstory to fit in the main post.

I wouldn't say that Kas is a racial supremacist, more a Kas supremacist. He believes that his combination of power and ideology makes him the perfect being, and everyone who isn't like him is inferior. While he does occasionally talk about creating more such beings like him, this is mostly shown to be an excuse for him to kill people as much as he wants. He even admits as much himself a couple times.

As for AI mechanics, in the setting A.I.s are fully self-aware digital beings who take on holographic forms and can take over compatible technology. Kas isn't an AI but a cyborg. He's a human body surrounded by a large cloud of nanites which he controls. His body has more nanites integrated into his bloodstream which keep him alive. As for his "shredding other A.I.s": I did mention that A.I.s can take over technology. However, when one AI named Sigma-9 attempts to take over Kas's nanite colony, it led to Kas's personality "overwriting" Sigma-9 and killing him.

Kas is in the canyon because it's where he built his lair and trophy collection, not to mention in the middle of a trade route and a good spot to pick off easy prey.

As for his manipulation... he relies on selecting targets who are already unstable and who have nothing left to lose. For example: there is a recurring villain named Lord Montgomery who makes trouble for the heroes. Montgomery is an Upper-Class Twit with a severe Complexity Addiction who seeks to ensure the survival of the current feudal system of government. He starts off as a somewhat serious threat, but loses more and more power as the plot goes on. Kas spies on Montgomery for a while until after he has been reduced to an Impoverished Patrician and the nobility is an utterly powerless hanger-on of the new democratic government. And this is where Kas steps up and promises him revenge on those who wronged him. Montgomery is so desperate for a win at this point that he agrees. In other cases Kas gets starving tribes and pilgrims to provide him with shelter by simply appealing to their desperate situation, leaving them with no better option than to go along with the giggling cyborg lich.

@The Living Drawing I don't see why not.

Edited by GhidorahUltima on Mar 25th 2024 at 11:05:40 AM

So one of my villains will get a redemption arc without becoming fully heroic for some time. He starts out as a Magus, one with power of the elements (in this case fire to be a sort of foil to my heroine) and his deal is constantly trying to prove his honor and pride to the Empire he fights for.

He ended up killing a major villain of my series but he didn’t get the sort of recognition he wanted. He feels paranoid that even though he is doing his job and completing his missions he both isn’t being recognized and is given fake praise that he feels isn’t satisfactory.

He seeks glory by taking down another major foe but competes with his brother who seems to do everything better than him. So he constantly feels frustrated and he takes this out against my heroes and his pride gets him to be a lot more aggressive and makes him ruthless.

His arc is learning to recognize that he has to first have pride in others instead of himself and later that he has to learn humility and that he shouldn’t let his anger blind him.

Edit: If this is the wrong thread let me know so I can delete.

This thread is fine, but ideally you'd use the format in the OP.

I don't know if is coming back, but I'll throw in my two cents for now. Dude, Where's My Respect? can be a pretty good motivator, though right now the character comes across more as an Anti-Hero or an Aloof Ally turned Rival, not exactly what I think of when someone says "villain". Still, as a base it's as good a start as any.

Here's a bit on an antagonist I've been working on for a little while now:

Name: Sonia Martelle/ “Black Sonia”

Age: 24

Personality: Sonia is cruel, vindictive, and loves nothing more than to toy with and torture her foes when victory is within her grasp. She hides a lot of this behind an affable and somewhat naïve façade, making those that are unaware of her power or personality think she’s just a normal (if somewhat scandalously dressed) young woman with a fondness for more seedy locales.

Abilities: A master of blades, with a fondness for Dual Wielding sabers. Sonia is also a mage, with good control over several offensive magic spells normally lumped into the category of “fire” magic (Dual Wielding flaming swords, anyone?). She is well trained in tracking, manipulation, and seduction, and is more than willing to use all of these abilities to squeeze whatever advantage she can get. Her combat training combined with her magic makes her light on her feet, able to dodge and kite other fighters until going for the kill.

Weaknesses: Sonia’s patience is very limited, and in non-combat situations she’s liable to snap and act out of impulse when doing so would be very bad. Despite being conditioned into what is essentially a cult, Sonia is a rulebreaker who does things to satisfy herself rather than the greater mission, as such she will take actions that may hinder the overall plan to resurrect the Golden Empress because the alternative made her happy. Her specific magical knowledge makes her the epitome of Glass Cannon- she knows a number of devastating spells, but most are fairly short range and drain her reserves rapidly, and she has no defenses besides block and dodge so one good hit can lay her out if she is not careful. Her sadism is also a detriment, as she will sometimes leave a wounded opponent alive to wallow in their failure, only for said opponent to rally and bring back reinforcements Sonia cannot handle.

Goals: At first, it’s solely to capture the MacGuffin Girl Angelique and return her to Sorinar so the Golden Empress can be resurrected, but after a while she starts changing her goal to killing Joseph Bryant and his crew first and foremost, especially the “traitor” Mister Richards/”Iron Body” Rykgard.

Motivation: Sonia is part of a cult that believes the Golden Empress is the true representative of God, and thus resurrecting and aiding her in her plans to conquer the world will grant them salvation. But deep down, Sonia is a selfish brat who only wants what is best for herself, and more often than not that is killing and maiming dozens of people for fun.

Role in the story: The Heavy, being the main face of Rasod et Imperata that hunts the heroes on their quest for Bligh’s treasure. Her dogged pursuit makes her something of an Arch-Enemy to the heroes, though she specifically targets Mister Richards as a traitor to the “cause”.

Backstory: Sonia was raised from birth within the care of Rasod et Imperata, a cult of magic users based around the Empire of Sorinar dedicated to the resurrection of the demigoddess known as the Golden Empress. She was trained in magic and combat, and her early signs of sadism garnered her the nickname “Sonia the Cat” for her tendencies to “play with her food”. After many years of training, Sonia was dispatched with a “handler” Mynorek of the Wind to recover one of two known young women who had seen a vision of the Golden Empress and thus were believed to be the ones with the power of Soul Magic needed to resurrect the Empress.

The two split after crossing into the nation of Mercica, and this is where things began to break down, for while the cult did much to indoctrinate Sonia into their ways they failed to stamp out a troublesome character trait hidden deep within Sonia’s heart- her selfishness and desire to be seen as something greater than others. It was this selfishness that led her to secretly dispatch a Sorinarian frigate into hostile territory (potentially starting a carefully arranged war ahead of schedule), and led her to ignore Mynorek’s request to return to him and give up her pursuit of one of the girls, a Mad Oracle named Angelique, thus allowing the more stable and powerful target (a mage in training named Alida) to fall into the hands of Rasod’s ideological rivals in the White Order. Sonia would be looking out for Sonia, and the cult would soon see her genius in pursuing Angelique and resurrecting the Golden Empress by ‘’her’’ hand, not by those of any others.

And it’s this selfishness that brings her into conflict with a naïve but earnest young pirate named Joseph Bryant…

Relevant Tropes

• Arch-Enemy: She presents herself as one to Joseph Bryant, but she’s actually a more personal enemy to his Number Two, Mister Richards; Richards is a former high-ranking member of Rasod who defected and became a pirate after he was treated well by his former captain, and Sonia sees him as a traitor and takes an almost obsessive interest in killing him.
• Attack! Attack! Attack!: Her primary fighting style is to hit hard and hit fast, not letting up until her opponent is dead. Unfortunately, Sonia’s emphasis on attack power means she has next to no defense or endurance, so if a fight goes on for too long she’ll tire our and be vulnerable.
• Alas, Poor Villain: Her final moments in the series are her bleeding out on the floor, looking up at her resurrected goddess expecting a reward for a job well done… only for said goddess to step past her and move on while barely acknowledging her, leaving her to die alone in a pool of her own blood and tears.
• Agonizing Stomach Wound: She loves inflicting these on people to ensure they die a slow, painful death while she gloats about her victory. It’s ultimately how she dies as well, gut shot by a flintlock pistol before bleeding out after one final attempt at winning her goddess’ attention.
• Bad Boss: Sonia’s first and only method of disciplining underlings is killing them, and anyone that does not do what she wants is easily made expendable. She even kills her immediate subordinate and a couple dozen sailors for the grand crime of getting beaten by a few pirates they were already planning to catch and defeat.
• Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Sonia can present as a friendly and flirtatious young woman, but not very deep inside she is a sadistic and cruel thing who loves violence and needs no excuse to kill and maim.
• Black Mage: Sonia’s primary focus is on combat spells, and as mages in this universe tend to get hyper focused on one particular set of spells combat magic is all she can cast.
• Black Magician Girl: She has the powers of one, but she is bitchy and ill-tempered and a far more physical fighter than the normal Black Magician Girl.
• Creative Sterility: One of the limitations of magic is that once a person goes down a particular path of spells long enough, they'll get really good at it at the expense of all other spells. In Sonia's case, she took a liking to fire and combat spells, so that's all she can do with her magic.
• Disproportionate Retribution: In her first real introduction scene, she announces her desire to kill a barmaid for bringing her a beer she didn’t like. She tries following through on that threat later that night, but ultimately kills a different barmaid due to not getting a good look at the first, then kills her landlord to frame him and blow off some steam from a bad meeting with her superior. Not that she cares, someone died and now she’s happier.
• Dual Wielding: She wields a pair of sabers in combat, and has a tendency to set them on fire to intimidate and burn her opponents.
• Evil Counterpart: To the hero, Joseph Bryant; both have delusions of grandeur and tend to hyperfocus on things they want or admire, but while Joseph is a borderline Cloud Cuckoolander with overly romantic ideals about piracy but ultimately is a good man, Sonia is a "Well Done, Son" Guy who thinks killing and maiming anything and everything that she sees will please her goddess.
• Egocentrically Religious: As a member of Rasod, Sonia believes in the Golden Empress and that She is a living god destined to rule the world with an iron fist. However, she believes that she is a personal, chosen vessel of the Empress to do Her bidding, and thus she has an arrogance streak a mile wide and disregards anything that does not fit her personal narrative of her faith.
• Fatal Flaw: Pride; Sonia sees herself as the personal herald to the Golden Empress and believes it’s her fated destiny to be the one to bring her goddess back to the land of the living. As such, she’s arrogant and haughty, and doesn’t play well with others, which ends up dragging out the conflict as she pursues her own goals, and her refusal to accept anything but praise leads her to becoming a brutal Bad Boss who draws far more attention to herself than any respectable agent of Rasod should.
• Flaming Sword: Her specialty is to light her two swords on fire, occasionally using them as conduits to launch flaming ranged attacks at her enemies.
• Glass Cannon: Sonia is great on offense, but her defense is trash. This is ultimately how Mister Richards defeats her during their fight at the St. Aja garrison, by letting her get tired trying to cut through his Iron Body technique before striking her with a Megaton Punch when she overextends herself.
• Heavy Sleeper: Magic in this universe draws heavily from personal energy reserves, so going all out will cause fatigue and general uncomfortableness (at best). As such, during those times she has to apply herself to combat and needs to use magic, Sonia can end up sleeping for days afterwards to rebuild her energy stocks for the next fight.
• It's All About Me: Sonia cares only for herself and her vision of what she wants, so when the order comes in to regroup with her handler, she spurns it and continues on with her own plans (ultimately dooming both operations).
• I Shall Taunt You: Sonia loves to taunt her foes, especially leaving them for dead and rubbing her victory in their face before departing. Unfortunately for her, the first time we see her do this leads to the good guys undoing her scheme and leaving her with nothing.
• Loves the Sound of Screaming: Sonia loves combat, but if given the chance she’ll jump to perform torture and maiming on a target. Her introductory scene has her explaining to Mister Richards how she and her handler Mynorek inflicted Cold-Blooded Torture on a woman at a mental asylum/convent in front of a nun who showed the patient great kindness (in order to divulge the location of Angelique), and her description of the whole event comes off like she’s describing a really good sex romp with a lover.
• Mood-Swinger: Stern and quiet one moment, bubbly socialite the next, and sadistic murder immediately afterward. When she gets going, these moods can merge into one.
• Pirate Girl: After her first plot to capture Angelique goes awry, she hijacks the frigate she was using to carry the girl back to Sorinar, kills enough of the crew to make it appear the ship went down in battle, rechristens herself “Black Sonia”, and sets off in pursuit of Bryant and the Stargazer. Raiding and pillaging merchants and warships along the way is just to satisfy her need to kill others.
• Psychopathic Manchild: Sonia is a Tyke Bomb with delusions of grandeur, and has a temperament to match. When word comes in that she is to abandon her current objective and regroup with her handler Mynorek, her response is to throw a tantrum like a five-year-old, smash the communication ring she was given, then brutally murder the landlord of the building she was in at the time. She was going to do the latter anyway, but this gave her more of an excuse.
• Playing with Fire: Her main focus is on offensive spells, with fire being a favorite.
• Sadist: Sonia does not love battle so much as she loves inflicting physical and emotional pain on others, so she’ll often go into a fight to wound or maim her targets so they will suffer long, drawn out deaths for her amusement. It's telling that an Agonizing Stomach Wound is her favorite "move".
• Small Name, Big Ego: Sonia thinks very highly of herself and will pursue her missions her own way, even to the detriment of her handlers and the cult as a whole. She thinks being the one to have the greatest hand in resurrecting the Golden Empress will elevate her in the eyes of her goddess. When by some miracle her plan actually works and she does play that role, the Golden Empress figuratively and literally steps over her and leaves her to die, forgotten and alone.
• Spanner in the Works: For all sides, but primarily her own; Sonia’s reckless breaking of Mynorek’s plan and her hijacking a frigate to go after Joseph’s crew ends up starting the planned Sorinar-Mercican war several months ahead of schedule, when Sorinar does not have the Golden Empress as a trump card and the White Order is mobilized to oppose Rasod. However, she also spoiled the White Order’s plans, as starting the war early put them out of position to counter the Golden Empress’ resurrection and put those agents they were planning on using for that role into harm’s way, hampering the Coalition’s overall war plans against Sorinar.
• Smug Super: Sonia looks down on non-mages as “peons” to step over or butcher per her whims, and thinks the idea that anyone without magic could beat her is absurd.
• Tyke Bomb: Sonia was raised from birth to be an infiltrator and assassin for Rasod. Unfortunately, that conditioning was not perfect enough to snuff Sonia’s selfishness, leading her to take actions that may undermine Rasod’s long-term goals.
• The Vamp: Sonia is well aware she is an attractive woman, and is not above using her sex as a tool to get what she wants… such as getting the commander of the St. Aja garrison to turn traitor and aid her in capturing Angelique.
• "Well Done, Son" Guy: She’ll never admit it, but Sonia is a broken young woman who wants some love and appreciation from her superiors, specifically the Golden Empress when she is resurrected. When that event does happen, the Empress barely acknowledges her and leaves her to die from a bullet to the gut.

Edited by iowaforever on May 3rd 2024 at 12:49:04 PM