(I personally recommend that all my Hulkamaniacs listen to any one of these
three jams as you read about the Hulkster's many accomplishments, they really heighten the mood, BROTHER!)
WELL LET ME TELL 'YA SOMETHIN' MEAN GENE! These people may not know who I am, but they'll know that I'm the no. 1 guy in all of wrestling! Me, the 24-inch pythons and the support of all my Hulkamaniacs helped to propel wrestling into the world spotlight, and I should need no introduction, BROTHER! I was putting butts in seats when that "You Can't See Me" knucklehead was playing Atari! A bunch of mindless zombies obsessed with "tropes" are no better than those jabronis who think my promo about a strap match I did years back is the funniest thing since Seinfeld! But as you said, these people don't know the power of Hulkamania will run wild on them, so...
My government name is Terry Gene Bollea, but millions and billions of people worldwide know me as THE IMMORTAL HULK HOGAN! I was born in the Deep South, in the Garden City — Augusta, Georgia, but the Hulkster has called the great state of Florida home since I was just a little itty-bitty baby boy! I was obsessed with the American Dream, Dusty Rhodes, back in my high school days, but one day, on a fateful visit to the Tampa Sportatorium for a show, I set my sights on a far greater power, a man who inspired the Hulkster to be who he is today, dude! That man was none other than "Superstar" Billy Graham! He had the ORIGINAL pythons, he had the looks and charisma, and he spoke the language the Hulkster now speaks, BROTHER! I wanted to be like him, but college and my other passion, the bass guitar, had to come first!
After some time rockin' out across Florida with my band, the Brisco Brothers saw me and brought me to a true master, who was none other than the Master of the Japanese Sleeper, Hiro Matsuda! He put a word in with hot shot promoter Eddy Graham, and I soon got to training! Matsuda was a stiff man, he even broke one of my legs trying to get me into shape, but the Hulkster didn't quit then and there — 10 weeks later, I went back to training and, with the power of Hulkamania starting to grow, blocked the next attempt by Matsuda to break my leg! And just like that, the Hulkster was ready to rock 'n roll, BROTHER!
After a match with Brian Blair and some time under a mask as "The Great Destroyer", I took some more time off from the business, managed a nightclub and opened a gym with one of my brothers-in-arms. But then my pal Brutus Beefcake started workin' out at my gym, and we soon called up Billy Graham and were off to the Alabama territory of Louie Tillet, and became known as the Boulder Brothers — Terry and Ed! Soon, we skipped Alabama for Memphis at the invitation of Jerry Jarrett, and one fateful interview where I met Lou Ferrigno later, I gained the moniker everybody knows me by! Not to mention, I held the NWA Southeastern Heavyweight Championship for a time, too!
In 1979, Terry Funk introduced me to the big boss of the World Wrestling Federation, Vince McMahon! He bestowed upon me the name "Hulk Hogan", and I soon made a small-screen debut beating a journeyman named Harry Valdez! I started meeting new foes, like Ted DiBiase and André the Giant (God bless his soul, brother!). But that wasn't enough! I soon flew off to Japan and began working the Strong Style of New Japan Pro Wrestling under a new moniker - HOGAN ICHIBAN! The Japanese wrestling fans knew I was a number-one dude from the very start, BROTHER! Tatsumi Fujinami and Abdullah the Butcher were among my foes in the Land of the Rising Sun, and I also worked with their boss, that legendary genius Antonio Inoki, and held held their IWGP Championship!
Soon, Hollywood came-a-callin'. They wanted the Hulkster's talent! I made my big-screen debut in Rocky III as the iconic Thunderlips, and after that, I was soon off to the American Wrestling Association, where I turned out to be a HUGE fan favorite! But after a while, the WWF was callin' again! Soon, I was back to Titan Towers to lead the charge for the Rock 'n Wrestling Connection! America wanted Hulkamania! I did it all throughout The '80s! I fought alongside Mr. T, body-slammed André the Giant in front of 93,173 people at WrestleMania III in the Pontiac Silverdome, faced the Ultimate Warrior, and was in another HUGE movie, No Holds Barred! I was on top of the world, BROTHER! Plus, I got another brother to team with me, the Macho Man Randy Savage — and we became the MEGA POWERS!
As the early-90s drew to a close, I struggled through some tough times. Once my time was up in the WWF, I tried to settle down into a new career in acting. But Billionaire Ted Turner wanted my talent, dude. He needed the Hulkster's help with his big project! Soon, it was off to Atlanta to take on a new challenge — Ric Flair, the top guy of World Championship Wrestling, and a past foe of yours truly! Randy and Brutus followed me down South, and it was smooth sailing from there. But the Hulkster was getting tired of the good guy act, you see. I wanted to show more than just a goodie-goodie image, jack! And I soon hatched up a plan...
Bash at the Beach, 1996, in Daytona Beach, Florida. 8,300 souls in the Ocean Center! I came out as Kevin Nash and Scott Hall — The Outsiders — were facing Macho Man, the Icon Sting and The Total Package, Lex Luger! Everybody thought I was gonna put a stop to The Outsiders. No siree, that wasn't my plan. With two swift Atomic Legdrops, I changed sides, and me, Kevin and Scott had united to create a new unstoppable force in wrestling — the NEW! WORLD! ORDER! I shredded the red-and-yellow and put on the black-and-white regalia that made me Hollywood Hogan, and WCW was ready for domination, BROTHER! We led the charge of the Monday Night Wars, and Vince was in big, BIG trouble! It wasn't long that he got reinforcements of his own in the form of that Shawn Michaels jabroni, Rocky Johnson's movie-star kid and a Texan beer enthusiast with his own spin on John 3:16. But the Hulkster wasn't going down with a fight! Even if Kevin and Scott split and formed their own red-and-black group, the Wolfpac.
But that split wasn't for long, BROTHER! January 4, 1999, the Georgia Dome. Assured that nobody was gonna watch the WWF that night, me and the nWo hatched a plan. I took Kevin Nash down with something jabronis on the internet call the Fingerpoke Of Doom, and the nWo was back together. Come August, I got tired of the black-and-white. So on the 9th of that month, I shocked the world by bringing back the red-and-yellow colors of Hulkamania! But that didn't last long, either.
By July 2000, I was havin' trouble with the boys at WCW. Vince Russo wanted me to job to that "Wild Slap Nuts Appears" dude, but I wasn't in for it, jack. So with a swift step on that jabroni's chest, I took the mic and told Russo like it was, and I was outta there, BROTHER! I then had some downtime and tried doing this thing called the Xcitement Wrestling Federation, but it didn't pan out. But soon, I was about to make a huge comeback, dude. On February 17, 2002, me, Kevin and Scott entered a WWF ring for the first time in many years! The Hulkster had come back to the WWF—scratch that—WWE Universe! Nothing stood in my way! Not even Rocky's kid, or as he's now known, The Rock! Vince tried to get me outta there, so I became Mr. America, because, as we know, I am A REAL AMERICAN, BROTHER! That didn't work either, and I was gone.
But that didn't last long either, and I was soon fightin' Shawn Michaels at SummerSlam. It didn't pan out either, and soon I was on my way to TNA. That Dixie lady needed my help, and I brought along reinforcements. The first thing to go was that stupid six-sided ring. The fans didn't agree, but the traditional ring is better on the pythons, dude! But I was outta there once the paychecks stopped rollin' in and Vince wanted me back!
Since then, the Hulkster has been in and out of wrestling. I've been doing other stuff, got in some trouble, and got some endorsements lined up. These days, I don't wrestle, but everybody knows me as a true legend of wrestling. They also know me for all the movies I've done throughout the years, including classics like Suburban Commando and Mr. Nanny. Remember, the Hulkster is always number one! And I got that way by enforcing my "demandments" — training, saying my prayers, and eating my vitamins. Remember those three sayings, and you're set for life, dude! That regiment has helped me be the embodiment of the American spirit for over a decade and counting — a REAL AMERICAN!
SO WHATCHA GONNA DO, TROPERS, WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?!? Though if ya wanna help, you can add more information you've learned about the Hulkster, 'cause even I forget some things, jack!
Tropes associated with the Hulkster, dude!
- 10-Minute Retirement: Admittedly, my retirements never stick! Because I'm always itchin' for one more match, BROTHER!
- Alliterative Name: I may not be Triple H, but the Double H is the bigger icon, dude!
- Evil Is Cool: Everybody loved me as Hollywood Hogan!
- Face–Heel Turn: It's my transformation into Hollywood Hogan that helped me lead the charge for the Monday Night Wars and put WCW ahead of my old boss!
- Hoax Hogan: All kinds of jabronis try to copy me, but they can't copy a REAL AMERICAN HERO, BROTHER! I don't even get royalties from any of 'em, jack!
- Jive Turkey: I learned it from the Superstar, and it's been my main way of communicatin' ever since!
- Sadist Teacher: Hiro Matsuda broke my leg on purpose when training me, but I was smart enough to stop him when he tried it again, BROTHER!
- Signature Move: My Leg Drop stops all foes in their path! Watcha gonna do, when Hulkamania lands atop YOU?!?
- Take That, Audience!: OBSERVE THIS! At World War 3 '95, I showed those IWC jabronis that their precious dirt sheets don't matter!
- Verbal Tic: Don't ask why I say it, BROTHER!
