"No hitting below the belt, obey my commands at all times, and absolutely no touching of each other's buttocks. Any questions?"
—Mills Lane
The third episode of the first season of Celebrity Deathmatch, which is titled The Mystery of the Loch Ness Monster.
This episode consists of three fights. The first undercard fight features the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot together in the ring. The second undercard fight has Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler fighting to see who has the Biggest Lips in Rock & Roll. The third fight and main event sees Jay Leno and David Letterman fighting within an electrified cage.
This episode provides exampled of:
- Annoying Laugh: Fran Drescher's laugh which, according to Stone Cold Steve Austin, sounds very similar to the mating call of the Loch Ness Monster.
- At Arm's Length: Steven Tyler does this to Mick Jagger using a mic stand, much to his amusement.
- Badass Biker: Jay Leno enters the arena and the locker room on his motorbike.
- Bigfoot, Sasquatch, and Yeti: Bigfoot, obviously. Nick even acknowledges that some people call him Sasquatch.
- The Cameo: This episode features appearances from Johnny Carson, Ed McMahon, Fran Drescher, Pauly Shore, Carrot Top, Don King, Mike Tyson, Liv Tyler, and Sean Connery.
- Cards of Power: David Letterman starts throwing cue cards at Jay Leno like throwing stars.
- Continuity Nod: Stacy makes a report on the events of the previous episode regarding Oprah Winfrey, Rosie O'Donnell, and Jerry Springer, confirming that the three-way fight will be taking place at a later time.
- Curb-Stomp Battle: The fight between the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot is essentially this.
- Damsel in Distress: Thought to be the case with Fran Drescher after she is kidnapped by the Loch Ness Monster, until it's revealed exactly why she was taken in the first place.
- Dangerous Terrain: For the main event, the fight takes place in a cage match. However, the cage itself is electrified.
- Death from Above: After the Loch Ness Monster is electrocuted, its body is catapulted into the air and lands directly on top of both Jay Leno and David Letterman.
- Fake-Hair Drama: Jay Leno manage to rip off David Letterman's toupee midway through their fight.
- Gag Lips: During their fight, Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler both somehow manage to transform their lips into boxing gloves that start punching each other.
- Half the Man He Used to Be: The Loch Ness Monster manages to slice Bigfoot in half with its tail.
- The same fate also befalls Don King in the audience, much to the delight of Mike Tyson.
- High-Voltage Death: The main event takes place within an electrified cage match. However, it's the Loch Ness Monster that meets this fate when it tries to re-enter the ring. Jay Leno and David Letterman still die, though.
- Identical Stranger: During a behind-the-scenes segment where Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler are preparing for their fight, Liv Tyler enters the locker room and presumes that Jagger is her father, much to Steven's chagrin.
- I'll Kill You!: Steven Tyler shouts this at Mick Jagger after his daughter, Liv, mistakes Jagger for her father.
- Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Mick Jagger manages to impale Steven Tyler on his enormously long tongue.
- Instant Roast: After getting itself electricuted, Johnny Carson starts serving up the Loch Ness Monster's fried corpse as a barbecue.
- Interspecies Romance: It's heavily implied that the Loch Ness Monster and Fran Drescher consummated their new-found relationship before returning to the arena.
- Labcoat of Science and Medicine: While conducting research on the Loch Ness Monster in the Deathmatch laboratory, Stone Cold is shown wearing a white labcoat, albeit with the sleeves ripped off.
- Mating Season Mayhem: The Loch Ness Monster is captivated by Fran Drescher's Annoying Laugh, and promptly snatches her up with its tail and flees the arena. It's discovered later that Drescher's laugh sounds very similar to the mating call of the Loch Ness Monster, and it intends to consummate the relationship.
- Noodle Incident: Stone Cold Steve Austin makes an off-hand reference to a time where they attempted to sanction a fight between Batman and Bruce Wayne.
- Overly-Long Tongue: Mick Jagger, who has an iconic long tongue in Real Life, manages to stretch his tongue out to the other side of the ring with enough force to impale Steven Tyler's stomach.
- Ripped from the Headlines: There was real-life conflict between David Letterman and Jay Leno after the latter was chosen to take over from Johnny Carson as the host of The Tonight Show, despite Carson requesting the former take the job.
- Sex Signals Death: Once it's learned that Fran Drescher's laugh is mistaken for the Loch Ness Monster's mating call, the two return to the arena during the main event, after it's implied that the two have...consummated their relationship. This bizarre love affair then abruptly ends when the Loch Ness Monster is killed while trying to enter the ring through a highly electrified cage.
- Single-Stroke Battle: Courtesy of the Loch Ness Monster's tail, Bigfoot is dispatched within six seconds.
- Shock and Awe: David Letterman and Jay Leno's fight is held within an electrified cage. After returning to the arena, the Loch Ness Monster is instantly killed after it tries to re-enter the ring through the cage.
- Slave Liberation: After Don King is sliced in half by the Loch Ness Monster's tail, Mike Tyson rejoices that he is now free.
- Spectator Casualty: After the Loch Ness Monster kills Bigfoot, it escapes the ring and goes on a rampage, killing several audience members in the process, until it is distracted by Fran Drescher.
- Stock Ness Monster: The Loch Ness Monster, obviously.
- You Are Fat: While trash-talking in the green room, David Letterman and Jay Leno soon change the subject and start commenting on Bill Clinton and his weight.
