"How about this one, Mr. Lane. Who would you rather have sex with, Rosie or Free Willy?"
—Oprah Winfrey
The second episode of the first season of Celebrity Deathmatch. Also known under the title Where is Stallone?
This episode consists of three fights. The first undercard fight has Rosie O'Donnell battling Oprah Winfrey. The second undercard fight sees Oasis brothers Liam and Noel Gallagher settling their differences. The third fight and main event has action stars Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone battling for supremacy.
This episode provides examples of:
- Acrofatic: Oprah Winfrey is surprisingly agile on her feet, and is somehow able to perform a somersault onto the ring post with ease.
- Cain and Abel: The Gallagher brothers.
- The Cameo: This episode features appearances from Jerry Springer, Gallagher, Adrian Zmed, and Don King.
- Carry a Big Stick: Prop-comic Gallagher interrupts the second undercard fight and dispatches both Gallagher brothers with his signature mallet.
- Cross Counter: Both Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone knock each other out momentarily in this manner, causing Mills to initiate a 10-second countdown.
- Cyborg: In a throw-away reference to his role in The Terminator, a part of Arnold Schwarzenegger's face peels away and reveals him to be a cyborg.
- Determinator: After being seemingly killed in an explosion, Sylvester Stallone's splattered body parts start to liquefy and regroup until he is back to his former self.
- Drunken Song: During a pre-fight interview, the Gallagher brothers are seen singing their song Wonderwall together in a drunken stupor. Just as Stacy reports that their music will bring them together, they very quickly start arguing with each other for being out of tune.
- Explosive Stupidity: Arnold Schwarzenegger launches a missile at Sylvester Stallone, which he catches out of the air. Instead of disarming or disposing of the projectile, he instead examines it until it explodes.
- Eye Scream: Oprah Winfrey's eyes pop out of their sockets while Rosie O'Donnell is stomping on her back. She quickly reinserts them before retaliating.
- Grievous Bottley Harm: Liam Gallagher starts throwing bottles of beer at his brother, until Mills scolds him for wasting it.
- Head Crushing: Both Liam and Noel Gallagher's heads are squashed by Gallagher's giant mallet.
- Heal It With Fire: Quite early on in his fight, Sylvester Stallone sustains a large gas in his shoulder. Mills calls for a doctor, however Sylvester pushes him away before closing the wound with some gunpowder and a lighter.
- How Many Fingers?: Shortly after exploding into pieces, Mills manages to locate two of Sylvester Stallone's disembodied fingers, holds them up to his Smoldering Shoes, and proceeds to ask this question.
- Identical Stranger: Just as the main event is about to start, it looks as though Sylvester Stallone is entering the arena on a motorbike. However, after he gets into the ring, it's revealed that he's just a stunt double. The real Stallone arrives seconds later.
- Kill It with Fire: Arnold Schwarzenegger disposes of his cigar by tossing it into the audience. It lands on Don King, who promptly goes up in flames.
- Non-Lethal K.O.: Sylvester Stallone manages to win his fight against Arnold Schwarzenegger, but not by killing him. Instead, he wins by tripping him over before Schwarzenegger can stand while Mills is counting down from ten, leaving him disqualified and resulting in Stallone winning by default.
- Non Sequitur, *Thud*: After being tricked into running face-first into an uncovered turnbuckle, Rosie O'Donnell is assessed by Mills, whom she mistakes for Popeye.
- Noodle Incident: Sylvester Stallone nonchalantly says that he was late coming to the arena due to "traffic", but does not offer any further information.
- Ripped from the Headlines:
- There is a real-life grudge between the Gallagher brothers, which to this day is still on-going.
- There was also a known rivalry between Schwarzenegger and Stallone, where they were actively competing for the best roles.
- Schmuck Bait: Oprah Winfrey managed to trick Rosie O'Donnell into hurting herself, by removing the padding from a turnbuckle and covering it up with some snack bars. Rosie runs to get them, but Oprah snatches them away at last second and causes Rosie to run face-first into the uncovered turnbuckle.
- Sibling Rivalry: Liam and Noel Gallagher do not like each other.
- Smoldering Shoes: Sylvester Stallone is temporarily incapacitated after a missile explodes in his hand. All that's left of him are his feet.
- Sorry I'm Late: Sylvester Stallone doesn't even arrive in the arena until a few minutes AFTER his fight is supposed to have started. His excuse?"Sorry I'm late, traffic was a bitch."
- Throw the Book at Them: As Rosie is repeatedly stomping on her, Oprah is able to counter her attacks by hitting her with one of Toni Morrison's books from her book club.
- To Be Continued: The fight between Oprah Winfrey and Rosie O'Donnell did not reach a conclusion and instead ended in a disqualification. This is due to Jerry Springer's interference, as well as his open challenge to both combatants for a three-way fight, which the two accepted.
- Trash Talk: Oprah Winfrey and Rosie O'Donnell get into this during their fight, however it's Jerry Springer who comes out on top with this regard.
- Twisted Ankle: Noel manages to subdue Liam for a moment by grabbing his foot and twisting it, causing him to trip over.
- Use Your Head: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone start head-butting each other.
- Volleying Insults: Oprah Winfrey and Rosie O'Donnell really get into one during their fight.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: Sylvester Stallone is only wearing a pair of blue and white boxing trunks and shoes.
