Quotes / Bowdlerise

Film — Live-Action

Fred Savage: What the fu—
Deadpool: Easy now, hey. The only F-bomb we're using around here is Fred Savage. Now, I want you to take a deep breath an listen very carefully, Frederick. You're in a PG-13 version of Deadpool 2, which means we only get two "sh**"s, one "f**k", and a glass of white wine.
Fred: Are you bleeping yourself?
Deadpool: You bet your little *** voice *** I am.

— Once Upon a Deadpool

I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this monday-to-friday plane!

—TV edit of Snakes on a Plane

Oh my God! Chicago's awesome!

—Trailer of Little Nicky

That is just wrong.

—Trailer of Euro Trip

Literature

The Man in the Yellow Hat (TV version): What you need is a good spanking, George!

The Man in the Yellow Hat (Book version): There you are, George. You've caused a lot of trouble. I'm taking you home.

— Curious George Goes To The Laundromat

He carefully formulated the most genteel battle cry in the history of bowdlerism.

‘Darn them to Heck!’ he yelled, and ran after the Dean.

— Reaper Man

Live-Action TV

Agent Mitchum: You've ended the war against crime with your brilliant "Give us your guns or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" bill. And you've ended the war against drugs with your brilliant "Give us your drugs or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" campaign.
The President: I actually said, "freakin'"?
Agent Mitchum: No, sir, but I'm a Mormon.

— MADtv (1995), "Good Morning, Mr. President"

Pulp Fiction? Yeah, saw it on an airplane, it's cute. It's a thirty-minute film about a group of friends who like cheeseburgers, dancing and the Bible.

— Shirley, Community, S2 E19: "Critical Film Studies"

Music

Some days I pray for silence
Some days I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock and roll

— Meat Loaf

"I don’t like you and I will do unspeakable things to your manhood. I shall force you to participate in scatological activities, for that is my fetish. Your emasculated member will become a literal Freudian metaphor, simply because I use the moniker "MC SLURRY." I intend to make a rice-based dish of the remainder of your genitals and dispose of your cranial matter, then insert your eyeballs in my female private parts. Again, I remind you that I have diarrhea."

—(Intentionally voluble) Censored fan cover of MC Bushpig's "Swamps of Sadness, feat. MC Slurry

Stand-Up Comedy

I'm gonna fill your hoo-hah with goof juice!

— Patton Oswalt

Theatre

So they'll censor us and they'll make a fuss
When we take this show out on a bus.
Totally bleeped, 'cause in sex we're steeped.
No four-letter words for us!
Totally bleeped!

— Forbidden Broadway: Rude Awakening, parody of Spring Awakening

Video games

The gym teacher hit me. Maybe I should drop out and become a thug...

— Kid, MOTHER

The gym teacher made me do extra push-ups again. I’d rather do sit-ups though.

— The same kid, EarthBound Beginnings

Filters out most of the bad language, if you don't like that sort of thing ruining your violent blood-bath and slavery experience.

—Language filter tooltip, Kenshi

Web Original

As I think back on the original Goldust character, it’s pretty amazing how different it wound up being. The original premise was that he loved movies and would thus quote them throughout his promos...This also leads to a fascinating discussion wherein The King notes maybe Goldust is related to Goldfinger and Vince saying he remembers “Miss Galore” but doesn’t remember her first name. I bet this is the exact moment when Vince decided they needed to do the Attitude Era. Just so he could mention the first name of MISS GALORE.

—WrestleCrap, "Halloween Raw 1995 – Ha. Ha. Ha."

The people who do ADR for movies shown on broadcast TV and basic cable (i.e., the guys who dub over the curse words) are underappreciated geniuses. After all, without them, how would we know that Miami is like a great big chicken, just waiting to be plucked? Who else is going to warn us about the dire consequences when you find a stranger in the Alps? And where else would we have learned about the treacherous Mister Falcon?

— The Agony Booth, on the TV edit of Snakes on a Plane

Monsters, for some unexplained reason, explode in a ball of fire rather than leaving bodies behind; presumably suicide-bombers are somehow more family friendly. Rather than ritual murders, you investigate kidnappings...There's really no reason to play this game at all. Please don't.

—Robert Kosarko on Ultima VII (SNES port)

It might be worth noting that a terminology change was made in the North American localization of Final Fantasy VIII. The English script refers to Edea as a sorceress, but what she's called in the original Japanese is evidently a lot closer to "witch." Interesting choice. "Witch" is a bit of a loaded term; Square's American branch probably worried that players would associate it with pointy hats and broomsticks, inadvertently softening the impact... Edea speaking of the populace's deep-seated hatred and fear towards sorceresses isn't terribly evocative; the scene probably would have struck more of a chord with English-speaking audiences had she referred to people hating and fearing witches instead. Ah, well.

—Pat R., "A Series Discovers Its Crack Pipe"

RABBIT?! I oughta BLAST ya.... With this HBO MAX-approved squirt gun! Ain't allowed to shoot real guns no more.

— Yosemite Sam, Don't touch the carrot, Doc (Ft. Gamerduck)

Western Animation

"I had rehearsal for Death of a Salesman, but we can't show death at school, so now at the end, we dance around with sparklers."

—Meg Griffin, Family Guy, "There's Something About Paulie"

Real Life

With ABC deleting dynamite gags from cartoons, do you find that your children are using explosives less frequently?

— Mark LoPresti

"Then the word came down from a lawyer at Columbia working for Arnie that he didn't want to be associated with violence and the game should not feature him wielding guns. Even dynamite was included which messed up the plans for a toy company that was ready to go with a Last Action Hero doll holding dynamite — I heard they ended up recoloring it bright orange so it doesn't look quite like dynamite."

—Pete Baron, lead developer for Last Action Hero

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