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Fanfic / The Ikaris

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A divorce lawyer's worst nightmare - not mention their own... Written and illustrated by Jimmy Wolk.

"Were they so afraid of being left on the shelf that they actually thought marriage was something good? Well, they were free to switch places with her!
Not that anyone would want this idiot. Who would want to be married to someone who was always excusing and whining and a coward and a wimp and hers... uhm... her - s...stinging pain in the neck..."
Asuka Langley Ikari

The Ikaris is a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction created by Jimmy Wolk, author of The Second Try, Aki-chan's Life and Long Time No See.

After getting drunk at a party after the 12th Angel, Shinji and Asuka wake up... married! This could get messy... Of course, Asuka immediately claims she wants an annulment or a divorce, and Shinji is too flustered -and frightened- to protest. However, Asuka does not count on one thing: Gendo Ikari remembers Yui always wanted a large family...

It also can be found in FF.Net and Jimmy's site. It was cross-posted on Archive Of Our Own in January 2021, with minor edits for spelling and grammar, but no new chapters at the time.

Compare with the The Sohryus sub-saga of A Little Angel on My Shoulder.

Compare with AU E Va fics like Advice and Trust, The Child of Love, Neon Genesis Evangelion: Genocide, Higher Learning, Evangelion 303, Nobody Dies or The One I Love Is....

This Fanfic provides examples of:

  • Accidental Pervert: Touji was not trying to peek in the girls' locker. He just was in the wrong place in the wrong time. Unfortunately, nobody believed him.
  • Battle Couple: Shinji and Asuka.
    Asuka: "Now come on, baka! You'll have to watch me stomping that Angel into the ground!"
  • Bedmate Reveal: In the first scene, Shinji and Asuka wake up, realize they're sleeping on the same bed, and scream.
  • Big Good: As disturbing as the thought is, Gendo has become one, scheming from the shadows to keep the Ikaris' marriage unbroken.
  • Big "NO!": Asuka utters one when she sees "Shinji" being struck down in the Super Gendo Super Show.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: In spite of being a Wide-Eyed Idealist to the point of seeming a Cloudcuckoolander sometimes, Saori Tagawa seems scarily competent. And apparently she has never failed on saving a marriage.
  • Berserk Button: You would believe that Rei has one? And that button is stuffed bunny?
    "You will – not – touch Mr. Fluffy-Bunny."
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Rei seriously wonders this about Misato at one point.
  • Curse Cut Short: Misato, Asuka, Shinji and Pen Pen are watching the wedding tape. After telling "I do", Shinji grinned and told "Ha! Se...". The rest was not audible.
  • Death Glare: Asuka practically throws one every chapter.
  • Determinator: Saori Tagawa. What else can you call a councilor whose business motto is "We never fail, you hear me?"
  • Everyone Can See It: Maybe the thing Asuka is most annoyed about is the number of people thinking it was going to happen sooner or later or are surprised not at all.
  • Failure Is the Only Option: Asuka wants a divorce (or so she claims). Keeping in mind Gendo is scheming against it, their marriage counselor's motto is "We never fail, you hear me?" and the author is an Asuka/Shinji shipper, you just know she will not get it.
  • Fiery Redhead: Asuka already was one. And finding herself accidentally married has not improved her mood.
  • Freudian Slip:
    Asuka: Not that anyone would want this idiot. Who would want to be married to someone who was always excusing and whining and a coward and a wimp and hers... uhm... her - s...stinging pain in the neck...
  • Happily Married: For now it is being subverted, but if the fic ever gets completed, most likely it will be played straight for the end.
  • High-School Sweethearts: Shinji and Asuka liked each other but they were in denial and oblivious to each other's feelings. Then one night they got drunk and got married. To Asuka's distress and annoyance she found out the marriage was legal even if they were only fourteen.
  • Leaning on the Fourth Wall: In chapter 3, Fuyutsuki comments that he hopes Gendo's fics aren't written in script format again. Gendo's response is shown in said format.
  • Like an Old Married Couple: Hiroya Matsura, the lawyer handling their "divorce", suggests they sound like one. Later, Touji says his line about Asuka and Shinji being newlyweds... and he has a VERY unexpected reaction.
  • Luminescent Blush: Asuka sports one after Rei gives her a present to wear on their honeymoon.
  • The Maiden Name Debate: A hilarious example. Asuka tells there is no way she is taking Shinji's name... but she has already changed her name legally when they got married. So people calls her Asuka Ikari, and in NERV they had changed her name everywhere to Asuka Langley Ikari.
    • The lawyer handling their case jokes about it by mixing his and her surname.
    • In one scene, Asuka got confused due to Rei calling "Ikari" but ignoring Shinji when he answered. Then she realized Rei was addressing to HER. And then she got angry.
  • Make My Monster Grow: Gendo, in the Super Gendo Super Show.
  • Mandatory Motherhood: An implied example. Due to three billion people dying in Second Impact, numerous countries implemented laws to loosen marriage conditions and discourage divorce to encourage family development and birthrates. Japan apparently never bothered to repeal them, due to being too busy trusting shadowy agencies to build giant robots to fight off alien monsters. Asuka angrily dubs Japan "the Las Vegas of Asia".
  • Manipulative Bastard: Gendo, obviously. The disturbing part is for once he is using his talents for good.
  • Marriage Before Romance: Shinji and Asuka already knew and liked each other before their accidental marriage, but their obliviousness, many emotional issues and several misunderstandings had prevented them from becoming a couple.
  • Marshmallow Hell: Misato accidentally subjects Shinji one in chapter 6. It was not a good idea in hindsight since it helped to cement the marriage councilor's mistaken idea of Misato was Asuka's The Rival. Saori kicked Misato out of her own apartment and warned she would not her nowhere near from that building. At least Shinji and Asuka got a fully paid apartment all for themselves out of it.
  • Nobody Calls Me "Chicken"!: All of it happened becasue Shinji and Asuka called chicken to each other. Asuka found Misato's secret beer stash and stated Shinji could not handle alcohol as good as her. then Shinji claimed SHE could not outdrink him. Very soon both of them were locked in a drinking contest quickly devolved into both daring each other to make increasingly dumber challenges. The next morning they woke up married. Asuka guessed Shinji bet she was too afraid to marry with him (although it would be unsurprising if it happened the other way around).
  • Noodle Incident: Misato has very narrowly avoided getting hitched to Kaji thanks to Japan's looser marriage requirements.
    • And then you have Fuyutsuki wanting to talk to Gendo about those Gendo/Rei lemon fics stored in his hard-drive. Gendo retorted he had no idea what Kozo was talking about.
  • No Sense of Direction: Gendo Ikari does NOT get lost. That would be ridiculous. He only... finds himself temporarily and slightly disoriented.
  • Not So Above It All: Gendo just barely avoids laughing out loud at his son's accidental marriage to Asuka.
  • "Not So Different" Remark: In one chapter, Maya informs Asuka now they are married, she has access to Shinji's personal file. Asuka considers to reading for a second... and then she declines. Maya then invokes the trope, stating she and Shinji are quite alike. Shinji had also decided against looking in Asuka's file.
  • Only Sane Man: Sometimes Asuka wonders if there is no sane people left but her.
  • The Rival: Hilariously parodied with the marriage councilor when she believes Misato is Asuka's rival for Shinji's heart.
  • Robot Girl: Rei in the Super Gendo Super Show.
  • She Is Not My Girlfriend: He is not my spouse, in this case (making the denial more ridiculous). Asuka repeats it -loudly and angrily- several times, but Everyone Can See It.
  • Shipper on Deck: Misato... and, unexpectedly, Gendo. He is determined to make his son's marriage working. And Rei. She feels intrigued about the situation.
  • Shout-Out: It has its own subpage.
  • Show Within a Show: The "Super Gendo Super Show", created by the PR department to make people more aware about Commander Ikari. They are making lunchboxes, too.
  • Shut Up, Hannibal!:
    Saori: "Ahh! School! What a great time in life. The time when love blossoms for the first time; innocent and pure..."
    Hiroya: "Innocent and pure? The statistics of underage pregnancies are telling something else..."
    Saori: "Silence, Nonbeliever! You're not here to question me!"
  • Tsundere: Shinji says Asuka is angrier than ever before, although it seems impossible.
  • Wide-Eyed Idealist: Saori Tagawa, the Ikaris marriage counselor boasts she has NEVER failed on saving a marriage. She also has a very idealistic outlook about love and marriage. Attempts to talk her out of it are met with a Shut Up, Hannibal! sharp retort.

"You think that was wise, Ikari?"
"Yui always wanted a big family," the Commander shrugged. "And knowing my son, he won't getting closer to that than now..."