Sergio Aragonés Massacres Marvel is a parody of characters from Marvel comics, written by Sergio Aragonés. As if you couldn't guess it yourself...
Sergio Aragonés and Mark Evanier pay a visit to the Marvel Comics' headquarters. There's nobody at home, Stan and Jack are nowhere to be seen. Sergio has a look on the work of the current artists, and suddenly finds a note for them. All comic books are behind schedule! They must be finished in time, or some heads are gonna roll! Oh, no! What would happen with Wally Wood or Don Heck? So, Sergio becomes the hero of the day, and makes all the comics himself.
He begins with the Watcher. The Watcher has seen hurricanes, tornadoes, Michael Jackson getting divorced, a mysterious "Seagoing Soarer" kidnapping Namor, and Mr. Saturday Night on Cinemax. Then, the Fantastic Four. The Thing is leaving the FF, but the others won't let him, as it's not his turn; then everybody else tries to leave the group: the Human Torch, the Invisible Woman, Mr. Fantastic, a random lawyer that tries to sue him, Daredevil, Iron Man, Thor, Dr. Doom... and finally, the Seagoing Soarer (remember him?) kidnaps the group.
Spider-Man is very sad, as always, so he remembers his origin story. He fights with Dr. Octopus, who has several clones of him, and the Seagoing Soarer takes him as well. Then he finds the Grey Hulk in the desert, and adds him to his collection. The Silver Surfer has nothing to do with his life, until Galactus shows up... but he won't eat Earth, as he's a bit fat, so he leaves to find some small low-cholesterol moon. He gladly accepts being captured by the Seagoing Soarer, so he can whine about his captivity. He didn't take the Avengers, though: Captain America, thinking that the world is without hope, froze himself to the year 2099, and the others saw he had a point and froze themselves as well. And finally, Wolverine and Storm of the X-Men.
With all those heroes (plus Daredevil, Iron Man and Thor, which the Soarer had gone back to pick up) placed at some random planet, the Seagoing Soarer revealed his plan: kill the heroes to become the main character of all their titles and rule the comic book industry! The Incredible Seagoing Soarer, Spectacular Seagoing Soarer, Uncanny Seagoing Soarer, The Mighty Seagoing Soarer, take your pick! All the heroes except Grey Hulk, Spider-Man and Wolverine get unconcious during the gratuitous fight scene, so they need help. Hulk knows exactly who can help: Sergio Aragonés, the guy who's drawing everything! So he grabs his pen, and brings him into the scene. The Seagoing Soarer reveals his secret identity. Well, Sergio made the first comic of the Seagoing Soarer, the heads of Marvel Comic reject it, and the Soarer is defeated. Sergio is returned to the real world.
Sergio Aragonés Massacres Marvel provides examples of:
- '90s Hair: Namor wants revenge on whoever decided to give him the tough-guy ponytail he used at the time. The Hulk also has the same hairstyle.
- All Just a Dream: When the Invisible Woman complained about the Evil Twin trope, Storm pointed that it could have been worse, that they could have used the "All Just a Dream" ending. And then Mark woke up.
- Almighty Janitor: Mentioned. When heading to the Avengers HQ, the Seagoing Soarer hopes he doesn't have to go up against Jarvis: "He's tough!"
- Alternate Company Equivalent: Sergio Aragonés Destroys DC. Later, at Dark Horse, Sergio Aragonés Stomps Star Wars.
- Artistic License – Physics: The trope is utterly skewered when the Thing is holding an impossibly large machine (which turns out to be a food dehydrator bought from Ron Popeil's infomercials) above his head.Doctor Doom: You realize, of course, it is scientifically impossible for you to hold an object of that weight—?
Thing: Says who?
Doctor Doom: Every law of physics! If all that weight were concentrated on one point in the floor, you would crash right through it!
Thing: You sure about that?
Doctor Doom: Absolutely.
Thing: Boy, am I sorry to hear that! (sinks through the floor, just as Doom said) - Breaking the Fourth Wall: The Hulk brings Sergio into the story simply by pulling his pen while he's holding it. Also, the X-Men are pretty knowledgeable about comics marketing:Gambit: Wait! We have another intruder! Let's all charge into battle in one big panel!
Archangel: Oh, I like these panels!
Banshee: They raise the value of the original when the artist sells it!
Bishop: And they make great T-shirts! - Brick Joke: Every character chapter begins with a narration that says they are "...trapped in a world they never made... Which raises the question: who is trapped in a world he made?" The answer only comes in the final battle: It's Sergio himself, after the Hulk pulls him into the story.
- Clone Angst: Parodied when Doctor Octopus reveals his collection of Spider-Clones (and Venom).Spider-Man: Wow! No wonder I always have an identity crisis!
- Continuity Nod: Instead of finding the usual Hulk (green and Dumb Muscle), the Seagoing Soarer came across the then-current version of the Hulk (gray, intelligent, and spouting gratuitous pop culture quips at every minute), which gets him really annoyed.
- Continuity Snarl: When everybody tried to resign from the Fantastic Four, Reed Richards tried to stop them. But he's supposed to be dead! Well, there's only one way for Richards to fix that mistake: resign from the Fantastic Four!
- Deadpan Snarker: Not vocally, but Jean mentally snarks at Cyclops during his self-pitying tirade.Cyclops: I often wonder who I am.
Jean: (thinking) Buy a Marvel Universe Handbook, fella! - Designated Girl Fight: Storm vs. (Sue) Storm. (Maybe also a Stealth Pun, and definitely counts as Cat Fight since both constantly complain in the comic they are only present for Fanservice.
- Evil Twin: And everybody complains about that. That trope is
one of the oldest ones! Although it isn't really that much worse than All Just a Dream... Oh hey, Mark's waking up. - Fanservice: Invoked when the Invisible Woman suddenly changes into a bikini after the Seagoing Soarer floods the Baxter Building:Human Torch: Sue! Is that your new uniform? That won't help much in a battle!
Invisible Woman: No, but it'll do a lot for our sales figures! - Flowery Elizabethan English: Thor is even more difficult to be understood than usual, if that's even possible.Iron Man: (thinking) I never could understand him!
- Foreshadowing: Spoofed: the comic outright tells in which page the Seagoing Soarer's true identity will be revealed, along with a footnote reading "Now DON'T peek!"
- Funetik Aksent: Played straight with Sergio's thick Hispanic accent (as usual) and averted when the Seagoing Soarer is revealed to be another Sergio, who speaks fluent English.
- Human Popsicle: What the Seagoing Soarer does to Namor. Also self-inflicted by Captain America, once he figured out that he does not want to live in the world in its current state. The rest of the Avengers (Hank Pym, Hercules, Quicksilver and Black Widow) take his cue and freeze themselves too.
- I'm Melting!: The Seagoing Soarer goes through this once defeated. You didn't think they'd cram this stuff full of Oz references and leave that out, did you?
- In Case You Forgot Who Wrote It
- Legacy Character: Parodied with Iron Man."I'm not sure who's wearing the armor these days either, but I am Iron Man!"
- Lemony Narrator: The narration veers into this briefly in the X-Men chapter:Narration: Still he continues, unaware he is about to confront that which will cause him to go, "argh!"
Electric Company Repairman: ARGH!
Narration: See? - Let's You and Him Fight: As it turns out, it's the Rule 178 of Marveldom.
- Making a Splash: This is the Seagoing Soarer's power. In addition to water, he can also control coffee, tea and most diet colas.
- Narrating the Obvious: "And so, the one called the Seagoing Soarer began his reign of conquest..."
- Seagoing Soarer: I shall begin my reign of conquest!
- Another one:Narration: Seething with fury, the Human Torch unleashes a torrent of fireballs...
Doctor Doom: They can see that, you idiot writer!
- Off to See the Wizard: The story is filled of gratuitous references to The Wizard of Oz. Because there's no place like home, there's no place like home...
- Oh, No... Not Again!: So, Ben Grimm resigns from the Fantastic Four... just like the other 37 times. Sue and Johnny are a bit tired of his routine. Leave some for the others!
- This gets turned into an Overly Long Gag where everyone who even talks to the FF ends up "quitting the Fantastic Four!" Even the Seagoing Soarer.
- Political Overcorrectness: Believe it or not, Doctor Doom uses this to defeat the Human Torch, by calling up a man from the "Politically Correct Squad" who runs in with a (non-ozone-layer-damaging) fire extinguisher and douses Johnny with it because smoking is prohibited inside the Baxter Building. He then goes on to write a citation against the Invisible Woman for promoting gender stereotypes while not contributing to the plot.
- Romantic Plot Tumor: In-Universe. The X-Men make an action scene heading to the battle with the Seagoing Soarer... stop! We need a romantic interlude! Take the camera to the rooftop! Oh, there he is, Cyclops whining to Jean. So, we have a full page of his self-pity, interrupted when the Soarer has had enough and the view returned to the fight.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Do the Fantastic Four still have members? Because everybody keeps leaving the group.
- Captain America gets this attitude towards the world, leading him to freeze himself again. The rest of the Avengers follow suit.
- Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: The Hulk, combined with Sophisticated as Hell:You look askance, costumed interloper. Does my evolved countenance not coincide with your knowledge of yours truly? Or to put it colloquially: Don'cha recognize me, bub?
- Self-Deprecation: Like with Destroys DC, Sergio is written as a Small Name, Big Ego hack of a cartoonist, and everything he draws is seen as junk.
- Shout-Out: Aside from the constant "obligatory Wizard of Oz references", before the final "battle" against the Soarer, Wolverine says to him, "I's had all I can stands! I can't stands no more!"
- Significant Anagram: Seagoing Soarer <=> Sergio AragonésDon't laugh! It took the writer nine days to figure that out!
- Super Window Jump: Oh, sorry! Daredevil thought that the window was open.
- Weaksauce Weakness: The Seagoing Soarer is able to defeat the X-Men easily with... water from the East River.Storm: No! Not that!
Beast: The deadliest substance known to mortal man! - Wangst: In-Universe, Spider-Man and the Silver Surfer have these by the boatloads. In fact, the Surfer's whining is so hard even he himself can get sick of it. In Spider-Man's case, it gets to the point where he whines even about the good things in his life.
- Wolverine Publicity: Invoked, and with the Trope Namer involved to boot. The Seagoing Soarer defeats an entire team of X-Men, but decides to take only Storm and Wolverine with himself, because they have better solo sales.
