Hawkman: I cannot tell you! I cannot tell you because it is too horrible! (And also because Sergio hasn't figured out that part yet!)
Sergio Aragonés destroys DC is a parody of characters from DC comics, written by Sergio Aragonés. As if you couldn't guess it yourself...
One day, Sergio Aragonés grew tired of writing at the sides of MAD: it's about time he begins to write about big superheroes! First, Superman. Origin story, and Superman saves a kid, destroying his cape in the process, just because it's cool. And then Hawkman cries about a terrible villain coming to destroy them. Then, Batman: Origin story, Batman punishes a random criminal for information about a costumed vigilante that punishes criminals, Gordon sends him against the Joker, and Superman and Hawkman come to request his aid. Then, Wonder Woman: fighting something worse than an invasion of barbarians or gods: a ruling from the Supreme Court that rules that it is not constitutional to forbid the entry to the island based on sex. Hankman tries as well to request the help of the Legion of Super-Heroes, who reject him because he's in the wrong time period.
So, all the big heroes met at some random planet, and try to figure out who is the villain. Sergio Aragonés stops writing for a moment, he did not think about the villain yet. He takes some old magazines, and selects the most terrible one: Johnny DC! Johnny tells the heroes that they have changed and now they suck, and so he gets "updated for the nineties" and tries to destroy them. Batman tricks him into saying his name backwards, and he dissapears.
What a great story! Or so thinks Sergio. He's kicked out of DC's premises, and the big chiefs tell a kid to get rid of those pathetic drawings. But he understood it wrong, and sent them for printing. The printers find it a bit strange, but surely it must be something for the Vertigo line. DC wouldn't request 300,000 printed copies of the wrong comic book, right?
- Alternate Company Equivalent: Sergio Aragonés Massacres Marvel.
- And the Rest: Hawkman visited only the Martian Manhunter, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and the Legion. Flash, Green Lantern and Aquaman simply show up at the desert planet.
- Art Shift: The scenes with Sergio and Mark are drawn in a slightly different style than the main story. It's probably due to each segment having a different inker. Sergio himself inks the segments where he and Mark are in, while the heroes' segments have inkers from their regular titles at the time (John Byrne inkled the Wonder Woman's segment and Denis Rodier inked Superman's, for example).
- Artistic License Physics: Lampshaded to hell and back in the opening splash of Wonder Woman's chapter:She leaps down from... Well, just where is she leaping down from? Superheroes are always doing this... Coming down out of nowhere... It's like when someone goes swinging from building to building. What is the rope attached to? How does it get from one mooring point to another? You'd think someone would spend a little time to figure this stuff out but... Oh, sorry, I get carried away sometimes.
- As You Know: "Superman, who can change the course of mighty rivers... Bend steel in his... Aw, you all know how this goes. Let's just get on with the story."
- Author Appeal: Wonder Woman hasn't used the invisible jet for a long while, but it's there anyway. Just because Sergio wanted to draw it.
- Bat Deduction: Batman had absolutely no clues about the identity of this dangerous foe, but he guessed it anyway. Because he's "The" Batman.
- Another way it's spoofed is earlier, when he reads the note the Joker left for him and spends hours thinking to figure out where he is, when the Joker actually wrote the address in the note.
- Beleaguered Assistant: Mark Evanier.
- Book-Ends: The fate of Mr. Mxyzptlk.
- The Cavalry: Once Johnny DC starts attacking the Justice League, a horde of superheroes arrive to fight against Johnny.Guy Gardner: Why didn't someone tell us it was time for another big crossover?
- Clark Kenting: Spoofed, of course.Old man: (seeing Superman flying out of the Daily Planet office) Kent's flying around again, Agnes!
- Clothing Damage: Superman can't go anywhere without getting his costume (now bought at Kmart) all torn up. Why? Because it looks cooler that way that's why!
- Comically Missing the Point: Batman receives a letter from the Joker that says, "Dear Batman... I am in the amusement park at 1738 Gotham Drive... Yours truly, the Joker!" Batman starts pondering over where the Joker could possibly be, taking him hours before finally getting the message.
- The Conspiracy: The heroes note that every time there was a big crossover, someone gets killed or maimed, citing incidents such as Crisis on Infinite Earths, Emerald Twilight, Aquaman's 1994 relaunch, Green Arrow's death the following year, The Death of Superman, and Knightfall.
- Doomy Dooms of Doom: Hawkman just won't shut up about the upcoming doom.Hawkman: We are doomed, doomed, doomed and double doomed! Did I mention we were doomed?
Black Canary: Repeatedly. But you haven't told us just who has doomed us!
- Dude, Where's My Respect?: That's "The" Batman for you, scum!
- Even worse when the Joker appeared. "Hiya, 'The'".
- Either "World Domination", or Something About Bananas: When Batman sees the Bat-Signal in the sky.Batman: There must be a desperate situation threatening Gotham's very soul! — Either that or my next movie is premiering tonight!
- The End Is Nigh: Krypton had one of those nice guys, with his banner "The world will end tomorrow". He was off for only one day.
- Also for Hawkman, yelling at everybody that some terrible danger is coming. A danger that Sergio has not thought about just yet, but it is coming.
- Entendre Failure: When Sergio ended his great story about Batman, Mark pointed that "Bob Kane will be in tears!". And then thought "Though maybe not for the reason you think".
- Especially Zoidberg: When Sergio Aragonés was first rejected in DC. "Sorry, sir. It's my job to keep out fans, aspiring writers and artists, spies from Marvel, and Amway salespersons. Also, of course, anyone who has ever worked on Groo"
- Fauxlosophic Narration: Batman engages in this, even when he realises that he's repeating adjectives.Batman: (thinking) I wish I'd brought my thesaurus!
- Fridge Logic: At the beginning of Wonder Woman's story, the narrator gets distracted by her leaping from out of nowhere and goes off on a rant about how someone could swing from building to building.
- Genre-Killer: Mark's impression of Sergio's comic.Mark: (thinking) Well, if that doesn't kill off the genre, nothing will.
- Gratuitous Spanish: From Sergio, of course. "Hola!" "Uno momento, señorita!"
- I Need to Go Iron My Dog: Before changing into Superman, Clark tells Lois that he's late for his "wimp lesson".
- In Case You Forgot Who Wrote It
- Insult Backfire:'90s Anti-Hero Johnny DC: I admired you! I wanted to be like you!
Superman: You're doing a good job!
- Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique: Parodied.Wonder Woman: So, "World's Greatest Detective"... Get busy and figure out who's behind this!
Batman: I will! And I'll use my preferred method of getting to the bottom of mysteries... I'll go swing around alleys and scare the hell out of derelicts until I get an answer!
Wonder Woman: (thinking) How did this clown ever wind up in Detective Comics?
- Jerkass: As You Know, Krypton is about to be destroyed, but fortunately Jor-El had finished a rocket that may allow someone to escape from the planet.Lara: Uh, Jor-El... Don't you think we ought to send our son?Jor-El: You're right. It is a tight fit.
- Jerkass Has a Point: After they defeated him, the heroes thought that Johnny DC was not so wrong after all. Superman could try not to break his clothes so often... Batman could try to be a bit less psychotic... Wonder Woman may try to have legs of human proportions... But then again, Kyle Rayner (who is a product of the era, lest we forget) just dismisses the point since he thinks the heroes are "cutting-edge" now.
- Joker Immunity: Invoked by the Trope Namer himself. Batman cannot kill him, because he's his most profitable villain. Better make a pair of bad jokes and see that they are Not So Different for a couple of pages, and leave it at that.
- Let's You and Him Fight: Alien invaders manage to get the Legion of Super-Heroes out of their way simply by asking which of them is their leader. They instantly start slapping each other around in order to claim leadership.
- Logical Weakness: Oh, no! There's a man in Themyscira! The island is supposed to be destroyed if men ever set foot on it! Right? Well, there are some exceptions...
- Mangled Catchphrase: "Faster than a speeding building! More powerful than a bullet! Able to leap tall locomotives in a single bound! (Wait a minute — that's not right...)"
- Moral Dissonance: Themyscira was invaded, not by savage hordes, but by the Supreme Court of the United States. They ruled that it is unconstitutional to deny people to enter to the island based on gender: men will be allowed! How they hold jurisdiction to do that outside American territory is never explained nor dwelt upon; this is a parody, after all.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: Superman saved a kid that was about to be run over by a car, but in doing so he caused a massive pileup. But, hey, the kid is all right! Too bad the cars can't just fly like Supes.
- No Fourth Wall: The actions goes back-and-forth, and without shame, from the comic book story and Sergio Aragonés and Mark Evanier as they write it.
- Oblivious to His Own Description: Batman interrogating a random homeless guy:We've had reports of a psychoticnote masked man in a stupid costume beating the crap out of hoboes in this area! What do you know about it?
- Not So Different: Batman muses about the option to not kill the Joker and instead to gloat about how much alike they are for a few pages.
- On Second Thought: Superman's mother has second thoughts about sending her son into the sun. Thinking of the alternative Earth, she feels the sun may be the better option still.
- Overly Long Gag-I am Deja Vu Kid! I have the power to make events repeat themselves!
-We don't believe that's possible! Next!
(this scene is repeated three more times in the Terrible Interviewees Montage)
- Rapid-Fire Comedy: In grand MAD style.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Johnny DC gave one to the heroes before trying to kill them.
- Refusal of the Call: Hawkman can not just simply appear and ask he Legion for their help: he's from another time!
- Retcon: Criminals are a supersticious, cowardly lot, so Bruce Wayne needs a disguise to strike terror into their hearts. He saw something in his window, that gave him the idea. Thus is born the weird figure of the dark, the avenger of evil... the Hare Krishna man! Ahem, as we were saying, thus is born the weird figure of the dark, the avenger of evil... Batman! ("That's The Batman to you, fella!")
- Rule of Cool: Superman got rid of the indestructible clothing, and got instead cheap imitations. Because he looks cool with his clothes ravaged!
- Sdrawkcab Name: Parodied. Batman defeated Johnny DC by tricking him into saying his own name backwards, so he vanishes exactly as Mxyzptlk would under these circumstances.
- She's Got Legs: Wonder Woman ordered a criminal to give up. He says that she can't attack him, as she's too far away. But he forgot how long artists draw her legs!I sometimes need binoculars to see if my toenails are painted!
- Small Name, Big Ego: A particularly vicious brand of Self-Deprecation. Sergio thinks he's a hotshot comic artist when, well... He's not.Sergio Aragonés: I draw one of every DC comic! I prove that I am George Perez, rolled into one! DC hire me and then you know what happen?
Mark Evanier (thinking): The whole company will be a chain of Thai restaurants by Wednesday.
- Take That, Audience!: Superman has powers much greater than those of the wimps who read comic books.
- There Was a Door: Batman enters Commissioner Gordon's office by breaking through a window.Batman: You know, Commissioner, if you want me, you could at least leave the window open! Hmm?
- Too Kinky to Torture: A line of men forms behind Wonder Woman, wanting her to tie them up and beat them up like she would do to the mugger she just caught. Including the guy who was about to be robbed.
- Tuckerization-I am Nixon lad! I have the power to polarize people and to make a 18 1/2 minute gap appear anywhere!
-Didn't we get rid of you several times already? Next!
- What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: The Legion of Super-Heroes tryouts are parodied. Not only do we have the above-mentioned Nixon Boy, but we have Deja-Vu Kid (who can make events repeat themselves), Cotton-Swab Boy (who can remove earwax anywhere in the universe), Deja-Vu Kid (who can make events repeat themselves), Windows Lass (who can actually understand Windows 95), and Deja-Vu Kid (who can make events repeat themselves).
- What the Hell, Hero?: When Batman threatens a hobo for information:Hobo: Wait... you're a hero, right?
Batman: Some issues, even I'm not sure!
- Writing by the Seat of Your Pants: As Hawkman points out, Sergio had not thought up who the villain that threatens the DC Universe is. When it's time for The Reveal, Sergio resorts to Archive Binging in order to find the "most disgusting, loathsome villain of all DC history".
- You Can't Handle the Parody: The Joker does this to Batman.Batman: Stop doing Jack Nicholson! That's over!