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Characters / The Gods Are Bastards

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Some of the Loads and Loads of Characters of "The Gods Are Bastards".

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Unseen University

Class of 1182

     Trissiny Avelea 
A paladin chosen by Avei, the goddess of war and justice and protector of women. Trissiny is outspoken, athletic, powerful, and a devout feminist.


     Tobias Caine 
The Hand of Omnu, god of life, the sun and agriculture, a natural and trained peacemaker.

     Gabriel Arquin 
A half-hethelax demon whose intelligence is eclipsed by his ability to say exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong moment.
  • Butt-Monkey: He's starting to tone it down, as with Character Development he grows into someone a lot less likely to say something ridiculous or dumb, but it's still there.
  • Fantastic Racism: A large part of his backstory and personality are explained by his being a demonblood, distrusted as a default.
  • Open Mouth, Insert Foot: He doesn't have much of a filter, which lead to several of these situations.
  • Super Toughness: Due his hethelax ancentry. He's immune to any non-magical attack and survived an atmospheric reentry.
  • The Snark Knight:

     Zaruda Carmelita Xingyu Sameera Meredith Punaji 
A princess of the Punaji nation, a culture of pirates. Outspoken and prone to very colourful language; uses 'fucking' as punctuation. Often clashes with Trissiny due to their opposing world views.
  • Cool Sword: A mithril rapier. In this universe mithril is essentially made of anti-magic, so it's impervious to any kind of magical attack and incredibly valuable.
  • Deadpan Snarker: She is absolutely, gloriously full of snark, mostly directed at Gabe.
  • Immune to Drugs / Immune to Mind Control: Naphthene's curse to "always drink but never be drunk" also seems to apply to other mind-altering stuff such as glittershrooms and bespelled food.
  • Never Gets Drunk: One of her ancestors was cursed so that his descendants would "always drink but never be drunk".
  • Obfuscating Stupidity: Portrays herself as a slightly uncouth, rough-and-ready pirate, but as Trissiny later remarks she is incredibly intelligent and very good at reading people, and sets the grading curve for their first term at the university.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Like most Punaji, she swears like a sailor.

A dryad. She is very naive and unaware of the finer workings of the world and has absolutely no sexual inhibitions.

     Teal Falconer 
A poorly-closeted lesbian who is possessed by Vadrieny. A bard in training.


An archdemon, one of the seven daughters of Elilial. She and her sisters were involved of a sabotaged Demonic Possession of which only she survived (barely).

A pixie who can use both fae magic (naturally) and arcane magic (not at all natural in any sense of the word).

A cleric of Themynra who acts as the voice of reason for literally everyone else in her year.
  • Lip Stick Lesbian: well-dressed and well put together, and also together with Teal.
  • The Spock: Shaeine is diplomatic, logical and self-controlled almost to a fault as a result of Narisian culture, which treats the sharing of emotions as something of great intimacy.
  • The Stoic: As typical from Narisian drow.


Unseen University Teachers and Staff

     Arachne Tellwyrn 
Headmistress of Unseen University, a three thousand year old elvish mage who is as irascible as she is talented.
  • The Ace: The only known person to have killed a god. She’s been designated a force of nature by the Emperor’s Spymaster, meaning that she can do practically anything she wants to with no legal repercussions.
  • Names to Run Away from Really Fast: The prologue introduces her as this; throughout the series characters reactions at hearing her name vary from nervous to downright terrified.
  • Retired Badass: Officially, anyway, though no longer being an adventurer hasn’t stopped Tellwyrn from kicking ass at every available opportunity.
  • Death Seeker: She went into the Deep Wild to die, she however didn't have it in her to just lie down and quit and gave a fair fight. It didn't work. She snaps out of it when Yornhaldt gives her the idea to found the university.
  • Sinkor Swim Mentor: She has a tendency of throwing her students into difficult situations of all stripes and just leaving them there while she goes off to do her own thing. She however chooses situations that fit their abilities.

     Admestus Rafe 
A half-elf and professor of Botany and Alchemy.
  • Becoming the Mask: Exactly why he started acting completely insane is still up in the air, but at this point it's pretty much a fact that he at least started acting crazy, but exactly how sane he is now is up for debate.
Bunny-Ears Lawyer: As immature he might acts, he is an excellent alchemist, given that he brewed an anti-death potion (aka an impossibility)
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: Is under the impression that faculty rivalries are an integral part of university life, and so to get around the fact that no other teacher will start one with him, creates one with himself.
  • Obfuscating Insanity: Acts completely insane for practically no discernible reason, but Tellwyrn implies that it’s to deal with the prejudice he faces as a half-elf.

     Alaric Yornhaldt 
A dwarf and professor of the arcane, old friend to Tellwyrn who helped found the University with her.

     Emilio Ezzaniel 
The martial arts professor.

Other Students

     Natchua d’zun Dalmiss 
A rebellious drow with a mohawk.

     Chase Masterson 

     Ravana Madouri 

    Iris Domingue 

Universal Church

     Archpope Justinian 

     Bishop Basra Syrinx 

     Bishop Branwen Snowe 

     Bishop Andro Varanus 

     Bishop Antonio Darling/Sweet 
See his entry in the Thieves' Guild section.

The Thieves' Guild

     Bishop Antonio Darling/Sweet 
The Bishop of the cult of Eserion, and former High Priest of the Thieves' Guild.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: While it's a given from early on that Sweet has the capacity to be incredibly ruthless and manipulative, he still seems like a genuinely good person. Fast forward to him brutally torturing a man in cold blood - a Black Wreath spy, and a member of a cult diametrically opposed to his own, but it's nonetheless an absolutely shocking scene.
  • Manipulative Bastard: Not to people he cares about, but still...

Current Boss of the Guild. He is very good at disguise and has strong organizational skills.

Head enforcer. Wears a different style of clothing everyday. Has a large role in teaching the apprendices.

     Principia Locke 

     Flora and Fauna 

     Jeremiah Shook/Thumper 
An enforcer with anger issues and misogynist views.

Sisterhood of Avei

     High Commander Rouvad 

     Abbess Narnasia Darnassy 

Brethren of Vidius

     Lady Gwaefaer 

     Val Tarvadegh 

     Lorelin Reich 

Huntsmen of Shaath

     Grandmaster Veisroi 

     Brother Ingvar 


Black Wreath

     Embras Mogul 





Goddess of War, Justice and protector of women.

God of Life, the Sun and Agriculture.

God of Death, Duality and Masks.


Goddess of Love.

God of the Wild.

God of Bards.

Goddess of Magic.




God of the Orcs. Died with his people by the Enchanter's Bane. Not that gods die that easily...

Elder Gods

Elder Goddess of Nature.
Mother Nature:



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