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Other Top Lists

    Top 5 Most Awful Moments in U2's Rattle & Hum 
  • "Get over yourselves, U2! ...Spoilers: U2 are not going to get over themselves."
  • At one point in the movie, U2 go to Graceland, where drummer Larry Mullen explains why he loves Elvis movies:
    Todd: Seriously? Elvis movies? You related to Elvis movies? Okay, I like Elvis, too; no disrespect for Elvis Presley, I love Elvis. But out of his entire career, the thing that you bring up is Elvis's movies? Really? For those of you who never had the pleasure of finding out what an Elvis movie is like, here's a quick sample from the movie Blue Hawaii, in which Elvis, playing Elvis, sings "Ito Eats."
    Elvis: ♪He eat everything, he don't care what/He even eat the shell from the coconut/Eat, Ito eat all the night and the day♪
    Todd: In case you were wondering, yes, you are in fact watching the King of Rock and Roll humiliate a fat Polynesian in song.
    • After alluding to it earlier, Todd pairs the completely stone-faced-serious scene of Mullen at Elvis's grave with Spin̈al Tap's brief Graceland visit, which is somehow less ridiculous by comparison.
      David St. Hubbins: ...Well, this is thoroughly depressing.
  • Bono adding extremely pretentious lyrics to "All Along the Watchtower" (including the phrase "Three Chords and the Truth"), along with the staged moment where he sprays graffiti between songs, actually has Todd sympathizing with the cops that dispersed the "Where the Streets Have No Name" music video.
    Bono: I think we're being shut down...
    Todd: Good! People need to get to work! God...
  • On Bono's sudden and very dry anti-apartheid speech (which even brings up economic sanctions as a rallying cry) in the middle of "Silver and Gold":
    "I bet even Nelson Mandela in his jail cell was rolling his eyes at this."
  • "And U2 never embarrassed themselves again!" Cut to "Discothéque", with them dressed as the Village People.

    Top 10 Songs About Mediocre Romance 
  • The title card has The Nostalgia Chick with a veggie plate while Todd's plate is pure meat.
  • The video's cold open, complete with puppies, catfights, and Todd's "mediocre relationship" version of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful."
    Todd: ♪You're passable, it's true\ I saw your face, it's okay\ So I figure that you'll do til I find somebody new♪
    Nostalgia Chick You're so talented!
  • The song used in the countdown, which is "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Good Enough For Now".
  • A quick rundown of just how often Huey Lewis and the News sings about love:
    Todd: Do you believe in love?
    ("Do You Believe In Love" plays)
    Todd: Huey Lewis believes in love.
    ("Doing It All for My Baby" plays)
    Todd: He believes in the power of love.
    ("The Power of Love" plays)
    Todd: He believes in love so much, he can be charming and lovestruck even in boring love affairs.
    Huey Lewis: (from the music video for "Stuck With You") I, uh, don't suppose you want to take a ride on my yacht?
    Todd: Oh, Huey Lewis, I'd go anywhere with you.
  • Todd's reaction to Billy Joel's 'She's Always A Woman' being nothing but one long Damned by Faint Praise moment:
    Todd: You gotta admit, the way Billy sings about her, she seems like a real bitch. It's just such a bitter, miserable song. Then he wipes it all away because, quote, "she's always a woman to me."
    Billy Joel: ♪She steals like a thief\ But she's always a woman to me♪
    Todd: That is a vague statement of praise, at best. I've found that most women are always a woman. Honestly, if she wasn't always a woman to you, I'd be more impressed.
  • Todd trying to keep up with "The End Of The World As We Know It" (Uhh uhm... Bernstein!...Leonard Bernstein!)
  • Todd's suppositions about the person described in Pearl Jam's 'Better Man':
    It's not clear what this man is doing out at 4 o'clock in the morning... Drinking? Cheating? Being a member of Creed?
  • "Yeah, the eagle flies with the dove, and I'm guessing not to eat it. No, he's gonna have sex with that dove because he can't find any other eagles! Don't judge him! Stephen Stills told him to do it!"
    Todd: Now depending on your interpretation, this could be a song about either settling for less, or it could also be about cheating on your girl while she's out of town. Either way, Stephen Stills gives out some terrible advice.
    Nostalgia Chick: Maybe it's about not wasting your time with some tramp who's not available and learning to be happy with the awesome, wonderful, clever girl who's right in front of you!
    Todd: [oblivious to the meaning] Yeah, I know! Isn't that horrible?
    Nostalgia Chick: *Death Glare*
  • Todd's admission that he will never, ever stop confusing the Amazing Rhythm Aces with the Atlanta Rhythm Section.
  • The Reveal of the number 1 song: DEEP. BLUE. SOMETHING.

    Top Ten Groin Shots in Movies 
  • The intro following Oancitizen's cameo. Most of all, that Oan encourages him to look deep within himself and write something truly heartfelt.
    • "Top Ten Nut Shots in Movies! Go! Let me be clear here. I'm not talking biting, I'm not talking shooting, I'm not talking castration. I want sheer blunt trauma! I'm only counting fists, knees, baseballs, tree trunks, anything that slams full force and squashes some hapless moron's family jewels!"
  • "Mike Judge's cult comedy Idiocracy is a brutal satire of anti-intellectual culture, positing a future dystopia where people of lesser intelligence have so thoroughly outbred the smarter members of society that the entire world is populated by contemptible dullards who spend their lives amusing themselves with worthless juveniles entertainments, such as the hit TV show, 'Ow! My Balls!' Truly, we see here the terrifying, logical endpoint of the modern world's underacknowledged banality, where the basic human urge towards progress and accomplishment has been subsumed as society is pacified by the shallow pleasures of moronic humour. (man on TV gets repeatedly hit in the balls) Hah! Do it again. Ha ha! ...Remember, you're an idiot if you laughed at any of that. Ok, one more."
  • Todd plays the clip from Dumb and Dumber on loop over and over. He finally just comments "Number 6 is Dumb and Dumber. I could just sit and watch this for hours. Wow."
  • "Let me tell you about this hilarious comedy called Antichrist! See, this couple has a kid, and get this, the kid dies. And they go out to their little cabin in the woods to try and get over their grief, then...hold on. The woman goes completely insane! And then she starts having sex with the dude, but then she gets all violent in the middle of it, and she just completely destroys his gonads with a block of wood! Ha! Then she grabs him by the junk and... I don't wanna spoil it or anything, but...there's a lot more blood involved. And then she grabs a pair of scissors and— Oh, man...(laughter turns to crying)"
  • "Oh, MOTHERFUCKER. I forgot to put Roger Rabbit on my Top Ten Nut Shots list. It probably would have gone in at Number Three."
  • "Normal, less-stupid videos resume next week."

    The Top Ten '90s Buses 
  • The whole concept of the video, which is as out of left field as Top 10 Groin Shots in Movies.
  • Desert Bus makes it onto his list despite its many flaws, mostly for being an impressive act of trolling from Penn & Teller to deliberately waste the player's time. As Todd reminds us that we've just spent over eight minutes watching him list some of his favorite '90s buses.
  • He acknowledges that the Catbus from My Neighbor Totoro was technically created in the '80s, but lets it slide because it wasn't dubbed until the '90s, and the only people who care are Japanese people over 40 and therefore not watching his videos.
  • Putting the titular Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on the list, he calls the film "Part of a wave of cinema that sought to humanize that most demeaned & stereotyped group of people... Australians.
  • After putting Pittsburgh Steelers Hall-of-Famer Jerome "The Bus" Bettis in his #4 spot, he takes a moment to remind us that he loved making this list.
  • While discussing his #3 spot, the Vengaboys' Vengabus, Todd takes a moment to call out the associated Six Flags commercials as "stolen valor. Also, the Six Flags I went to sucked ass!"
  • Crediting #2 as "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down".
  • Number 1 is the Magic School Bus.

Older Year-End Countdowns

    Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 1987 
  • "1987: What the *beep* is going on!?"
  • Discussing "Shake You Down":
    Gregory Abbott: ♪Eeny-meeny miney-mo...♪
    Todd: Oh no, Bieber flashback, AH AH AH AH!
    • Also, his astonishment that this song is number 3 on the year end Hot 100 for 1987, leading to him joking that Gregory Abbott was basically 1987's The Beatles. When in reality, he had never heard of this song, or Gregory Abbott. He also lists all the artists Abbott ended up ahead of, a veritable who's-who of The '80s.
    • He compares the chorus to another 1987 list: Bob Seger's "Shakedown".
      Todd: Yeah, Seger knows what he's talking about. Oh, and by the way: "Shakedown" by Bob Seger... another hit from 1987 this song was bigger than. (*shrug*)
  • "One thing that I promised myself when I put this list together was that it was gonna have all the songs I legitimately hated the most, not the easiest targets or the ones that gave me the most material. I mean, look at this. (playing a clip from "Respect Yourself") It's Bruce Willis! Bruce freaking Willis singing and dancing, and people were actually listening to this! I guess he was Moonlighting as a singer. Too bad his music career Died Hard! Ha!
  • Lionel Richie's "Ballerina Girl" is a father-daughter song so saccharine, sentimental and boring it makes "Butterfly Kisses" sound like "Enter Sandman". I realize there's a place in this world for quieter songs, but this song is so slow, I think the tempo is written in negative numbers.
    • After realizing that "Ballerina Girl" was written about Nicloe Richie, Todd plays it over scandalous photos of her hanging out with Paris Hilton.
  • Phil Collins: ♪I'm going down, going down, like a monkey♪
    Todd: What? Do monkeys "go down"? ...How do you know that?"
  • Intercutting Europe's Glurge-y ballad "Carrie" with scenes of the prom from the film version of Carrie.
  • His fakeout intro for #3, in which he used Starship to set up how an act can "evolve" over 10-20 years (ultimately in reference to Chicago and Peter Cetera).
    Todd: So... how do you take a band like this:
    Grace Slick: Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love?
    Todd: And then eventually get them to make this?
    Mickey Thomas: We built this city!
    Todd: I don't have any answers for this one, either. "We Built This City" is the song everyone thinks of when they pick on Starship. But their big hit in '87 was "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" off the Mannequin soundtrack, if you can believe that. And that song is really, honestly, and truly, one of my favorite songs of the decade. (Beat) No, I'm not kidding.
  • "Peter Cetera is one of the true real life villains of The '80s, right up there with Ayatollah Khomeini, Pablo Escobar, the guy who shot The Pope. Peter Cetera is a war criminal, Peter Cetera made the stock market crash, Peter Cetera killed my dog."
  • "Apparently, Peter Cetera was also worried that he might not be able to suck as hard without Chicago, so he actually recruited a contemporary Christian singer to duet with him—-a move so evil, I cannot believe James Bond never showed up to assassinate him!"
    Peter Cetera: ♪Next time I fall in love\ I'll know better what to do\ Next time I fall in love Wooh-ooh-ooh-WOOH!♪ (??)
  • After number 3, Todd thinks he's done with boring soft ballads. Well...nope, and nope.
  • "♪Kenny G, he's a stupid looking guy... and he plays his goddamn saxophone, it makes me want to die... He's playing... Why am I sitting here listening to Kenny freaking G?!?! Why am I doing this?! Why?! God, make it♪— [Beeeeep]"

    Top 10 Worst Hit Songs Of 1976 
  • The episode starts with Todd about to do a review "Backseat" by The New Boys and Dev before he decides to blow that off
  • On his number ten pick, "Shannon" by Henry Gross (which is a tribute to Carl Wilson's dog:
    Todd (in a high-pitched voice, over a Stylistic Suck video montage): Oh boo-hoo-hoo, the doggy's dead. I'm a twelve-year-old girl apparently.
    • Todd's mock conversation between Henry Gross and Brian Wilson, where a terrified, vulnerable Brian tries to contact Carl because he's worried that Dr. Eugene Landy is manupulating him, but Henry is just too upset about poor Shannon to listen.
    • Befitting the song's subject matter, Todd plays the legendary clip of Casey Kasem losing his temper in the booth.
      "Just a — god — LAST GODDAMN time, I want SOMEBODY [to] use HIS FUCKIN' BRAIN [...] I gotta talk about a FUCKIN' DOG DYING!"
  • Todd falling asleep to Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now", to illustrate his complaint that the song sounds like a lullaby.
    Todd: (yawning as he talks) Chicago... a really bad band...
  • Todd noting how bored the people watching The Silver Convention's performance of "Get Up and Boogie" appeared to be:
    Todd: I don't know what show this is, but it's like the anti-TRL. These people are soooo bored! They're more bored than I am somehow!
    • And his demonstration of how the song does not inspire one to dance.
      Silver Convention: ♪Get up and boogie♪
      Todd: (Beat) No.
      Silver Convention: ♪Get up and boogie♪
      Todd: No! Is that all you got? I never felt less like boogieing.
    • And his introduction:
      Todd: Forgive the redundancy but a good dance should make You want to dance and, boy oh boy, does this song make You want to find a comfortable spot against the wall.
  • Listing UK number ones such as "Do the Bartman", something called "The Ketchup Song", and "Amazing Grace" played on the bagpipes.
  • Trying to find a rhyme in "Disco Duck".
    Rick Dees & His Cast of Idiots: ♪Try your luck, don't be a cluck♪
    Todd: "Don't be a cluck"? What the hell does being a cluck mean? What does clucking have to do with ducks? Could you not think of any other insult that rhymed with "duck"?
    Captions: _uck
    Todd: Hmmm. No, I guess I can't either.
  • Time for some Disco Duck Hunt!
  • MANILOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
  • "Yes, Barry Manilow is the Prometheus of music, bringing the gift of song from high on Mount Olympus, down to you. He is responsible for all music ever written. Back in Black? Beethoven's Fifth? Scooby-Doo theme? No need to thank him personally, folks. He feels your appreciation in every note you sing! Gag me."
  • "I am not going to sit here and be bragged at by Barry Manilow and the guy who was at best the fifth-best songwriter in The Beach Boys. You guys write the songs that make the whole world vomit!"
    • "The great irony of course is that Barry Manilow did, in fact, not write this song. No it was originally written by Bruce Johnston of The...BEACH BOYS!? Oh come, what the hell, Beach Boys? WHERE'S THE QUALITY CONTROL!? Oh my god, and it was originally recorded by Captain & Tennille?...Oh my god, the layers of suck on this song are unbelievable!"
  • "I assume it had something to do with the fad of CB radios, which was the only way back before the Internet that idiots could yammer to strangers about nothing."
  • "Breaker, breaker! This here's Shadow Todd, it seems like we've got some trouble on the Top 40, looks like we've got ourselves a CONVOY!"
  • Ron Burgundy explains the meaning of "Afternoon Delight"

    Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2004 
  • "Ok, time travelers, put on your poodle skirts and your leisure suits, cause we're taking a nostalgia ride in the wayback machine all the way to the far off year of... (realizes the list he pulled up was from December 25th, 2004) ...huh. ... (tosses papers) Ok."
  • Todd can't quite muster up the same enthusiasm for his, "Peace up, A-Town down" as he could in "OMG".
  • The fact that his bumper song was Ruben Studdard's "Sorry 2004." The song, which was released in late 2003, was about a guy preemptively apologizing for all the mistakes he'll make in the new year. In the context of the list, however, it becomes an apology for the entire year of 2004. note 
  • On "With You" by Jessica Simpson:
    • "After thirteen years and a billion paparazzi photos, Jessica Simpson's only major contribution to pop culture is being outsmarted by a canned food label."
    • "It is easily the worst Jessica Simpson song I've ever heard, and I've listened to lots and lots of Jessica Simpson!" (hangs his head in shame)
    • "I'm a little annoyed that this completely synthetic piece of tripe is Jessica presenting herself as 'the real her.' And you're cutting through the layers of showbiz to see who she really is. This is so calculated, it was written on a TI-83. Chances are that even her husband never met the real Jessica. I certainly don't buy that this malformed piece of fluff is anything real."
  • On "Someday" by Nickelback:
    • "I was only listening to rock music in '04, so I was a little shocked at how little there was of it on this list. Why is the rock so unrepresented? Surely, we had someone to be our standard-bearer of rock 'n roll." (Scare Chord Jump Cut to a picture of Nickelback)
    • "People use the term 'butt rock' to refer to a lot of things, but I think it best applies to Chad Kroeger, because he literally sounds like a butt. That, more that anything, is the key component in Nickelback's rock-bottom reputation: Kroeger the Ogre sounds like he's singing directly out of his colon. Every single song, he just wails like that. How do you think he answers the phone? (wailing) HELLURRRGH?!"
    • "Also this is a minor nitpick but the lyrics suck too"
      Chad Kroeger: Someday, somehow, I'm gonna make it right but not right now.
      Todd: Yeah he's gonna make it right but not right now. I mean the game's on, can't it wait? Jeez.
    • "For any other band, this would be the worst thing they ever did. Just another day for Nickelback."
  • On "The Reason" by Hoobastank:
  • On "One Call Away" by Chingy:
    • Todd discussing Chingy's singing voice:
    Todd: [Chingy's] voice is by far the worst thing about him. He seems shocked by everything he says.
    Chingy: ♪The next day I'm with the fellas at the cage playin' ball??\ Here she comes with her friends?!?!\ They posted up on the wall??!!???♪
    Todd: Seriously, is Urkel dubbing this guy? Does he have a case of the hiccups or what?
    • Todd summing up the song's premise:
      Ed Wuncler III: (typing out a text message on his cell phone) I send that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.
  • On "Southside" by Lloyd:
    • Todd's impression of a dad talking to Lloyd about taking his daughter out.
      (in a Southern accent) "Son, that little girl there is my princess, and if you even got half a mind to touch a hair on her head, I want you to know I got a shotgun and I know how to use it. You keep that in mind, son."
    • After Lloyd makes a NCAA reference in what's supposed to be a love song:
      (seductively) "Oh, baby. Georgetown Hoyas. Big East Conference. I'm gonna fill out your March Madness bracket."
    • Todd's realization of who Lloyd is:
      Lloyd: ♪Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bedrock!♪
      Todd: Oh, wait, it's that guy! The "Bedrock" douche! He sung the hook on one of the worst songs I've ever reviewed. And although everyone involved deserves some of the blame, especially Gudda Gudda, most of all, I hate the singer. It's kind of comforting to know he always sucked.
  • Todd is utterly dumbfounded by the sheer badness of "Milkshake".
    • "I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm just dumbfounded. I really didn't know I hated this song so much. It's unlistenable, it sounds like garbage, it's disjointed, it's awful, it's just noise. It's the worst thing the Neptunes ever made. Am I the only one who notices?"
  • On "Why" by Jadakiss:
  • Todd explaining that there's a right way to drop an F-bomb (Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You"), the wrong way (the already-reviewed "Tonight (I'm Fucking You)"), and the wrong way, which leads to the #2 of the list, Eamon's "Fuck It".
    Todd: This is like listening to that "Graduation" song by Vitamin C with a colicky baby screaming curse words over it.
    • The possibility that there will be an episode focusing on Eamon's album, looking at such songs as: "Get Off My Dick", "I Love Them Hoes", and "Ass is Fat". note 
    • "I guess his girl cheated on him, so he dumped her, and he's rejecting her attempts to get back with her. No, no, actually, no. Here's what I'm guessing actually happened - he got cheated on, then he got dumped by her, and then this is him writing a song about how he wished it went down."
  • His comments about the number one choice, Eminem's "Just Lose It"...
    Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 1991 Part 1 

    Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 1991 Part 2 
  • Songs #5 and #4, "One More Try" by Timmy T. and "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" by Stevie B., sound completely alien and nearly identical to him, right down to the incredibly generic artists' names.
  • On Madonna's "Justify My Love."
    • "As I think I've made clear in the film retrospective of her I'm doing, I'm not really a fan of Madonna's non-musical projects. And I can't think of any project more non-musical than this one."
    • Also the prelude when Todd talks about the "scandals" VH1 reported back when he was a kid, which includes "Justify My Love." He comes to the conclusion that adults in the early 1990s were turned on by "really shitty music."
    • On the lyrics of the song, which consist only of non-rhyming sentences deep, erotic fantasies:
      Madonna: ♪I want to run naked in a rainstorm / Make love in a train cross-country♪
      Todd: I want to stick my toes in your mouth. I want to eat chili off your naked body.
    • "Forget about justifying my love, justify that sentence!" note 
    • Immediately after that comes this gem:
      Todd: Well I must be the richest man on earth, because all of my pleasures don't even involve another person, and haven't for years. (Gives thumbs up)
  • Prior to his analysis of "From a Distance", Todd notes that 1991 was so bland that Contemporary Christian was able to cross over to the pop charts, noting hits by Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith. But he prefaces it by saying he dislikes the music for aesthetic reasons, not on principle.
    Todd: Believe me, if I am offended by a religious message, I will tell you.
    • As for "From a Distance", his offense is in how this song interprets the question of why bad things happen to good people: God neither knows nor cares!
      Todd: Are you there, God? It's me, Todd. You listen to me, right? You care about my problems, we have a relationship, right?
      God: Todd, I'll be honest. From up here, you basically matter as much as an amoeba. Sorry.
      Todd: But I saw, on the beach, there were two sets of footprints because you were with me, but during my hard times in my life, there was only one set, and that's when you carried me...
      God: That wasn't Me. I don't know whose that other set of footprints was. Some other guy, I guess. Now go away, I'm busy.
  • Todd's utter bafflement with AllMusic having no information on Bryan Adams. He finds out from a tweet from AllMusic that Adams threatened to sue if his information wasn't removed from the site.
    Todd: This offends me on a level I didn't even know I was capable of! Fuck you, Bryan Adams, you censoring dick! Fuck you and fuck all of Canada too!
    Canadian Minister of Movies: Now now, the Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions!
    Todd: Not good enough! And Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is a terrible movie!
  • In place of the usual ownership disclaimer at the end, "You down with O.P.P?"

Other Reviews

    Hannah Montana: The Movie 
  • His rundown of what he knows about the show after seeing ten minutes of it in a hotel room.
    Todd: Actually I did watch about ten minutes of it in a hotel room once, and based on that brief limited interaction with the program, my understanding of the show's premise is this: A) Billy Ray Cyrus CAN'T act, B) Whatever this is [Oliver] needs to die. And C) Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart, the ordinary teenage girl that lives a double live as world famous pop star Hannah Montana!
  • "Oh no, now Lilly's giant roller coaster skateboard hundreds of people amusement park birthday party is ruined!" Cut to a showing of Todd's last birthday, which consists of him sitting in the dark alone wearing a party hat. Made even more hilarious when his party blower doesn't work.
  • Todd can't be bothered to remember the name of Miley's love interest for the movie so for the entire review he referes to him as "Cowpie Clyde."
  • When Travis is introduced as the Love Interest by riding a horse, and admits he used to have a crush on Miley:
    Todd: So. In case Hannah Montana wasn't enough of a girly fantasy already, we've added now Ponies and Boys. Yeah, throw now some Sparkly Vampires and we'll have everything.
  • Todd's reaction when he discovers Billy Ray's Love Interest of the movie is Melora Hardin.
    Todd: Oh, Jan, no! I didn't think you could sink any lower than being dumped by Michael Scott. But...Billy Ray Cyrus. That'll do it.
  • "Hey everyone. See if you can guess what happens next. Does Billy Ray: A. Discuss the political ramifications of Iran's nuclear program. Or B. Bumbles into the plates like a moron. If you guessed A, please go see a doctor."
    • Then closes with a clip of Urkel's catchphrase.
      Urkel: Did I do that??
  • Jackson is being shown getting attacked by the alligator and dragged into the water, before the film suddenly cuts to another scene.
    Todd: (100% Deadpan) He's dead. (Beat) Works for me!
  • Noting the fast maneuvers of an airplane that's just meant to have a normal flight.
    Todd: MiGs on our tail! Scramble!
    [[Kenny Loggins: ♪Hiiiiighwayyy to the/Danger zooone♪]]
  • All of Todd's references about the mall being built in the town and how terrible it would be.
    Todd: Oh no! Not a MALL! If they build it we might have something to do around here for fun besides throw pig manure at each other every night!

    Todd: My God, with the expanded tax base the county might be able to afford indoor plumbing for the elementary school! How awful!

    Todd: "I personally love driving 40 minutes to Knoxville every time I want to see a movie or buy a shirt."

    Todd: Eh, True enough that you gotta do what you gotta do. Even if the best employment you can find is doing awful grunt work like that. I'm sure you'd having an easier time if there was some economic engine to stimulate the local job market like, oh I don't know... A MALL!!!!!

    Todd: And speaking of the mall, now we have the fundraiser, where they try to raise money for their fight to save their beloved community center. Oh no, wait, excuse me. THEIR EMPTY FREAKIN' FIELD!! from becoming an useful contributing part of the town.

    Todd: In any case I'm also wondering — are they expecting Hannah Montana fans — whom probably love malls, probably watched this movie in a mall — to sit there and shout, "YEAH! Down with malls!"?

    Todd: And that means the mall isn't going to be built! I guess. They don't really mention it; I guess we're supposed to assume that the little town has been freed from the horrors of economic development.
  • And speaking of the fundraiser:
    Todd: Oh hey, it's that other teen pop star. The one who writes her own music and plays an instrument. Yeah, might want to hustle her off-screen before you get upstaged, Miley.
  • "Not only does the wig magically turn Miley into Hannah without anyone noticing, it turns anyone into Hannah. It's the only thing anyone notices. Put it on anyone, and they become Hannah Montana." *Picture of Spoonette appears* "OH MY GOD LOOK, IT'S HANNAH MONTANA!"
  • Later when Miley and Lily start to bicker in panic about whose turn is to be Hannah.
    Todd: You know, they may fight a lot. But the make-up sex is fantastic.
  • After talking about Miley's Zany Scheme to run back and forth between a date and a dinner party, he tiredly pulls a saxophone out of nowhere and starts to "play" Yakety Sax.
    Todd: And there's a ferret!
  • After the cliché of "The Liar Revealed" (or "You lied, and now I hate you") takes place and "Cowpie Clyde" discovers Miley's secret.
    Travis: Are you making fun of me?
    Todd: No, that's me. Over here.
    Todd: (as Travis) The girl I'm dating is a rich and famous popstar! Millions of guys my age would kill to be in my position! I AM SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS!
  • His utter disgust for the Broken Aesop at the climax of the movie.
    Todd: Oh dear lord! Is this happening?! She just bared her soul to these people and they're just flat rejecting it! They're saying "We don't care about what you want, stupid teenage girl. Play the hits! GET BACK TO YOUR CAGE AND DANCE, MONKEY"! "WE'LL KEEP YOUR SECRET?!" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! At least five hundred people in this crowd Facebooked, Twittered, or YouTubed that shit the second she took the wig off! I thought Spider-Man 2 was bad with this, but this is a million times worse! But that's not even the point! The point is that she tried to present herself as who she truly is and the whole crowd told her they didn't want it. They wanted superficiality and lies. OH. JESUS. You did it, movie! YOU GOT ME TO CARE ABOUT HANNAH MONTANA. YOU GOT ME TO CARE ABOUT HANNAH MONTANA BY TAKING A GIANT SPARKLY DUMP ON OUR HOPES AND DREAMS! Also some other stuff happens, I DON'T CARE BECAUSE I'M DONE WITH THIS!
  • How does Todd decide to introduce Barry Bostwick?
    ASSHOOOOOOOLE!

    Hannah Montana Pop Tour Guitar Video Game 
  • Said toy was a present his friends got him for Christmas "because they think they're funny". He even includes actual video footage of him receiving it, with his face obscured (even though he says it's undoctored...), of course.
    Todd: As soon as you turn this camera off, I'm beating the shit out of you.
  • Discussing the unwieldy name of the Hannah Montana Pop Tour Guitar Video Game.
    Todd: ... one of my favourite titles ever for a video game, right up there with Space Marine First Person Shooter Video Game, Nonsense Fantasy Role-Playing Game and of course, Piece of Shit.
  • His complete inability to wear the guitar strap. And reaction when he discovers that there is no strum bar.
  • "You know, I'm playing this basically with two fingers, but I'm imagining little girls with less arm strength having to whack the sensor repeatedly with their whole arm until either the guitar breaks or they hurt themselves. Yeah, that'll teach you some rock 'n' roll, kids."
  • "Those bastards at Disney are as brilliant as they are pure evil. If they wanted to overthrow the government, believe me, they would."
  • His horrified reaction to "Nobody's Perfect" is priceless.
    Todd: "Oh, God... It's worse than the Tom Morello battle in Guitar Hero III!
  • On how Hannah Montana does not play guitar in concert, rendering the game pointless:
    Voiceover from the TV ad: Match the notes on your TV screen and thrill the crowd with your rockin' Hannah performance, starring you!
    Todd: Except not starring you! Basically, what this game is selling you is the fantasy of being one of Hannah Montana's well-compensated but completely anonymous professional sidemen. The crowd completely ignores you and won't ever acknowledge your presence. You share a small dressing-room with three other guys. If you're lucky, Miley might say a couple sentences to you during rehearsal.
  • At the end of the review Todd tells the audience that their not done with Hannah Montana just yet and that next he's going to review all four seasons of the show. It takes Todd a minute to realise what he just said and he proceeds to double check the script before grabbing a gun instead. In the credits for the video he clarifies that he won't be doing that and he's going back to regular reviews.
  • Every time he has a complaint about the quality of the game, either hardware or software, he always brings up its $60 asking price.

    Glitter 
  • The movie fast-forwards itself as a transition and Todd initially thinks he sat on the remote.
    Todd: That just looks ridiculous. Actually hold on. I need a soda. (fast-forwards himself)
  • Todd: So Terrence has Sylk instead lip-sync to Mariah, and Mariah goes along with it because why the hell not? The new single debuts to the appreciative ears of a club DJ named Dice.
    Andrew "Dice" Clay: Oh!
    Todd: No, different Dice.
  • The first minutes have Todd adding plenty of Soundtrack Dissonance: young Mariah singing leads to Lisa Simpson singing "I'm the saddest kid in grade number two"; her house in flames, "Burning Down the House"; and Silk's unimpressive performance, "The Touch".
  • "Did he just get Mariah into bed by playing the marimbas? Ok, there are instruments of seduction. Guitar, piano, saxophone on the outside, but marimba? Does he only bust out his giant xylophone when he can't kazoo his way into a girl's pants?"
  • "Well, that's the end of that romance. Never has the breakup of a jealous, possessive dick and a blank-faced emotional cypher been more heart-rending. I believed in them. I really—She kept the cat?! How old is that thing?! What is it, like, seventeen at this point?"
  • The Running Gag of "NOPE" every time Todd tries to speculate if something will become a plot point. Specially his meltdown after the third.
    Todd: "Oh for the love of Christ!! What the hell is the point of this movie?? What's the plot? What's the theme? Why does a scene follows the other? WHY AM I WATCHING THIS??"
  • On the shopping scene.
    Todd: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shopping solves everything. Shopping montage of them trying on outfits and shit.
    (The scene just jumps to the girls walking with their outfits on. Todd stares.)
    "WORST. SHOPPING MONTAGE. EVER."
  • When Mariah is writing her song in a notepad.
    Todd: (as Mariah) "Dear diary: I'm really worried about the direction of the movie. There just doesn't seem to be any conflict or moment to move the plot forward. I don't know what to do".
  • After Dice goes to beat up the guy he owes money.
    Todd: Uhm... Pretty sure that's not the way the loan shark-debtor relationship is supposed to work.
    Todd: (as Dice) Where's my money?! Where's my money?! Oh, that's right. I still have my money, because I still haven't paid the money I debt to you. Oops.
  • "♪AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...♪"
  • The final scene reveals Mariah's mom was sober for the last years and they reunite.
    Todd: You've been clean and sober for years? Why didn't you come, bitch?!
  • Todd: You could replace the character with a mannequin that plays Mariah Carey CDs, and nothing would change. That's how worthless the character is—you could replace her with a statue and a CD player. ...Hey, now, there's an idea. (pulls out the Mario statue and a CD player)
    Todd (recording): That Kesha song is terrible. What a terrible Ke$ha song.
    Todd: Making these videos just got so much easier.

    Todd's Black Eyed Peas Experience 
  • When he's joined by Lindsay, Nella, JesuOtaku, and Oancitizen at the end...
    Caption: And lo, there was much humping.

    —> Todd: Should I do this? Ugh, she's gonna make do this.
  • The first time, Todd appears to be dancing to a different track than everyone else.
    Caption: I am Mr. Coordination.
  • When the Channel Awesome team is told by the game to "freestyle," everyone gets into it, except Todd, who stands stock still with the most forlorn and bemused look on his face.
  • Pretty much all of the captions throughout the video were gold.
    Caption when Channel Awesome members are all dancing: This would be great blackmail material if I were not in it.
    Caption at the very end with the credits: And to think Nash didn't want to join us on stage.
  • Special mention to when Todd first plays it, and he finishes it looking utterly distressed and horrified.
    BEP Demo Lady: You guys want to dance again? You're more than welcome to.
    Caption: NO.
  • The end credits song: "Everybody Poops."

    Runaway (with The Rap Critic) 
  • The Rap Critic and Todd decide to do a crossover. Completely deadpan, they read the script with a cliché intro for crossovers.
    Rap Critic: (reading the script) Hey. There's this movie I want you to review with me.
    Todd: I do not want to review this thing you want to review.
    Rap Critic: But then I say something that makes you want to review it.
    Todd: I reluctantly give in and accept.
  • Their reaction to hearing the narrator:
    Rap Critic: Is that Nicki Minaj doing a British accent?
    Todd: Huh... I didn't know she was British? I thought she said she was Roman.
    Nicki Minaj: I'm Roman...note 
    (Rap Critic looks at Todd as if to say what the hell?)
  • Rap Critic: Uh, Kanye, there's a fireball coming...right at you. You might wanna react to it by doing something, preferably moving out of the way.
    Todd: Either he's playing a game of chicken with a comet, or we're watching a very over-the-top PSA.
    Rap Critic: Don't text while driving. (This message has been brought to you by the Wisconsin Traffic Safety Ad Council.)
  • Kanye: First rule in this world, baby? Don't pay any attention to anything you see in the news.
    Rap Critic: You heard anything about the president calling some rapper a "jackass"? Just ignore it.
    Todd: Also... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!
  • About Kanye's acting skills:
    Todd: So... We see Phoenix go trying to figure out Kanye's backyard as Kanye puts on his "acting face".
    Rap Critic: (as Kanye sounding constipated) Grrrr, I'm trying to act as hard as I can...
  • Todd: Why does Kanye have a sheep in his backyar—? Scratch that, I don't wanna know.
  • Todd: Well, this song is "All of the Lights", and...
    Rap Critic: Well, let me guess. The video has nothing to do it, right?
    Todd: Well, there's a parade happening in honor of Michael Jackson, and he does mention Michael Jackson's death in the lyrics.
    Rap Critic: At least they got part of it right. Although I like how the actual point of the song dealing with spousal abuse and losing your kids—yeah, that doesn't get any representation in the video.
    Todd: Well, this is Kanye's big blockbuster project. He probably didn't want to get into anything too controversial.(Cut to a group of KKK members in the parade. Rap Critic and Todd stare with blank faces) Are those red-hooded KKK members in the Michael Jackson funeral parade? WHY?!
    Rap Critic: (as Klansman) I love Michael! "Black or White" changed my life. We just wear the hoods to keep up appearances.
  • Then we have the scene where Kanye teaches the Phoenix to use a cup. It's such a long scene, that Todd and Rap Critic just skip it by putting it on fast forward.
  • Then a guest compliments Kanye about the Phoenix he brought and Kanye just thanks him. And then he asks Kanye if he noticed she is a bird, to which Kanye just Handwaves. Todd and Rap Critic then interchange confused looks.
    Todd: (about Kanye's deadpan "No I didn't notice") Was that sarcasm?
    Rap Critic: Well. It had to be, right? I mean, Kanye has eyes, of course he would realize he brought a bird from space to a banquet in a warehouse. (Beat) Actually, that raises more questions.
    Todd: Personally, I like the implication that Kanye's friend there thinks he's so out of touch with the universe, he legitimately might have not notice that she's a bird. But either way, Kanye can't take this fairly... reasonable question and decides to leave.
    Rap Critic: (imitating Kanye) Ask me a question, will you. Who do you think you are? A sensible audience? Just for that, I'm going to make something even more random!
  • When Kanye is doing the long musical with the ballet dancers, Todd and Rap Critic decide to kill time at Magfest while the video is still running, all while "Last Friday Night" plays in the background. Playing games like Dance Central, a Star Trek: The Next Generation pinball machine and DJ Hero.
    • When they come back and see the scene isn't over yet, they return to play more games.
  • The scene where the bird sees a big roasted turkey at the center of the table and starts to scream horrified.
    Todd: (as one of the servants) Dou! We accidentally served poultry and Kanye brought a bird as his guest. Aww, so awkward.
    Rap Critic: Uhm, Kanye? You wanna do something? Or have a reaction at all?
    (then the Phoenix starts screaming and scaring off the guests)
    Rap Critic: Wow, that's unbelievable.
    Todd: What? That Kanye taught her how to drink from a cup and not that people eat birds? Or that she didn't notice that the table was covered with roasted birds already?
    Rap Critic: No. Her acting. I-I don't believe it.
    Todd: Also, nice wings. Spent all that money staging a funeral for Michael Jackson, but you coudn't come up with a better costume? You can even see the prop-guy moving the wings with their hands.
  • Rap Critic: (with a forced happy glee) I know some of you have questions about this. Please direct them to the slow-motion explosion. Thank you.
    Todd: And now...I don't know. I guess the phoenix is on time-out?
    Rap Critic: And Kanye, would it kill you to emote? For God's sake, it looks like you're yawning!
    Phoenix: Can I ask you a question?
    Kanye: Of course, babe.
    Rap Critic: Oh, I'm gonna stop you right there, 'cause I have a couple questions of my own. First one namely being... Since when could you speak English?! Why didn't she ever say anything before? What the hell was up with all the silent scenes? But I'm sorry. Let's get back to her question.
    Phoenix:All of the statues that we see, where do you think they came from?
    Kanye: I think that artists carved them years and years ago—
    Phoenix: No. They're phoenix turned to stone.
    Rap Critic: Uh, I think they were carved by artists—
    Todd: No. Screw it. In this universe, statues are phoenixes that had their wings cut off. This◊, this◊, this◊...was once a phoenix. Deal with it.
  • Also all their responses to the Phoenix complaints about human kind.
    Phoenix: You know what I hate the most from this world? Everything that is different, you try to change it. You try to tear it down.
    Rap Critic: Wha- Where did that come from?
    Todd: I- I don't get it. Is she talking about the stuffed turkey? We didn't kill that think because it's different. We did 'cause it's delicious.
    (and then...)
    Todd: You know what I hate most about phoenixes? THEY BLOW SHIT UP! I don't see you paying for that car you destroyed, lady? And don't give me that cliché "I'm a Phoenix" excuse. Do you know how much my insurance is gonna go up?
  • The closing stinger, which is "Surfin' Bird".

    From Justin to Kelly (with The Nostalgia Chick) 
  • The start of the video:
    Todd: I suppose I could do the crossover thing... get someone else to do the heavy lifting for me. But who?
    Nash: What, after all those times you've hijacked Radio Dead Air to play those awful requests? Hell, no.
    Todd: Lupa stopped answering my calls.
    Linkara: Oh, so now you wanna do a crossover, huh?! Are you sure you don't wanna just laugh for twenty minutes about how I'm a nerd?! Go bite me!
    Todd: Spoony's still mad at me for camping out on his lawn.
    Sad Panda: (holding an Xbox 360 to his ear) Yeah, yeah, that's sounds great. I have no idea who you are. Goodbye.
    Todd: Damn it, I guess I can't do that idea either. Shit. [Phone rings. Todd stares at it for a moment and sags] ...Hi, Nostalgia Chick.
    Nostalgia Chick: [quickly, in one long run-on sentence] Hi, Todd. So, I heard that you were looking to do another crossover because you didn't really feel like doing all the legwork, which I would happily do, and I've been looking at From Justin to Kelly, and I saw it a bunch of times already, so I was wondering, if you really, you know, were interested, we could do another crossover since the last one we did went so well and well, I hadn't even...didn't even need to tie you up, and um... Yeah, you wanna do another crossover with me? (Todd remains still and silent) So...what do you think?(Todd still doesn't move) All right, seriously, Todd, I'm looking at your tax records right now, so I know how poor you are and how badly you need money, so you can either do a review with me, or you can keep dumpster diving at the local Arby's. What's it gonna be? (Still nothing from Todd) (sing-songy) I already bought you a train ticket! (Todd slumps, defeated. Cut to to the Chick happily hugging Todd while he looks miserable)
    Chick: I knew you'd come review with me!
  • Todd and Chick trying to remember what From Justin to Kelly was about.
    Chick: The point we're trying to make is that this film is not terribly memorable. Even its legacy as a bad movie is a little baffling to me. ...From Justin to Kelly is the cinematic equivalent of watching someone slooowly scrape the burnt part off the toast. And failing.
  • The baffling fact of its existence at all, as the concept is hardly a solid one and the two leads were not big celebrities or actors:
    Chick: My original theory is that it was conceived by aliens who were trying to mimic the film-making ways of the hu-man.
    Chick: It's MTV's Summer Beach House filtered through the lens of a middle school assistant principal. It's so innocent, they can't even show Kelly in a bikini...except in one scene. This is as beachy as she gets.
    Todd: Your average Disney Channel sitcom gets raunchier than this. Not that I watch those.
  • Todd gives a "detailed analysis" of the main characters and their respective friend groups by namechecking the main characters of Saved by the Bell juxtaposed with the main characters of the movie visually. When he gets to Kelly's second friend (who happens to be the closest thing that passes for the movie's main antagonist) however, he instead refers to her as "Evil Whore", complete with a picture of the Wicked Witch of the West. Todd and Chick then continue referring to that character as Evil Whore for the rest of the review.
  • Todd's confusion over the line "My friends call me Kelly for short".
    Todd: Short for what? Kellisa? Kellandria? Kellificent?
  • Kelly not wanting to participate the whipped cream bikini contest "because she is, as always, a strong, independent woman™."
  • Kelly Clarkson isn't good in this movie, but Todd points out her bad performance isn't due to lack of acting talent or bad direction like most other bad films. Her bad acting is due to the fact she clearly doesn't want to be there, and considering she and Justin Guarini were contractually obligated to appear in the film, who can blame her?
    Todd: I have nothing against silly productions starring a bunch of non-actors. I was in a couple of those. But we weren't forced to be in those out of contractual obligation.
    Chick: Maybe you weren't... (Sulks for a moment)
  • The way they describe the movie's driving conflict is also quite hilarious:
    Chick: Evil Whore switches out Kelly's number with her own so she can intercept Justin's messages and try to keep them from reaching Kelly. Then again, considering that Justin is trying to send Kelly such sweeping romantic poetry as "I O U A BRGR," I'm not sure she wasn't doing them both a favor.
    Todd: I have a question—why do girls always have the token evil friend?
  • This Reality Subtext gag:
    Todd: And we're just supposed to believe that all those couples stayed together despite living in different states, because long-distance relationships never work.
    Chick: They never work.
  • Todd's reaction to the terrible Villain Song.
    • "I can't even tell what key she's in!"
  • Todd: "Well, you two underqualified reality show contestants may have been forced to be here by contractual obligation to the whims of horrible, heartless studio executives, but at least you made it to the end of the movie. NOW KISS!"
    • Made even more hilarious when you notice that Lindsay is trying (and failing) to suppress her laughter in the background.
  • After the movie over, Todd has an angry rant that he's been manipulated by the Chick, had to spend time with his crazy stalker, watched this awful movie with these terrible non-actors and is leaving right now and never, ever doing another review with her. She offers him lasagne, and his resolve immediately faulters.
  • The video ends with Todd returning to his keyboard to write his script on Gotye. It doesn't work out.
    Script: Gotye is some guy.
    Todd: (Headdesk) Goddammit.

    Mac and Devin Go to High School (with The Rap Critic) 
  • Todd introducing Andy Milonakis's character as "Andy Milonakis of 'Hey, whatever happened to Andy Milonakis?' fame".
    The Rap Critic: You remember, the man who physically looks like he's twelve years old but mentally... acts like he's twelve years old? Yeah, this movie's gonna suck.
  • Todd mistaking the talking joint Slow Burn for the banana from the "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" meme.
  • The really deadpan reaction to two bad jokes back to back.
    Mac: Feast your eyes on the big, long, fat, succulent, mouth watering...\\
    Todd: Get it? It sounds like they're talking about sex.
    Both: (Bored out of their minds) Hahahahahaha.
    (Later)
    Woman: I've never seen anything this big!
    (The camera shows Snoop Dogg's character holding an enourmous joint.)
    Todd: Get it? Look at that joint. It's... bigger than a regular size joint.
    Both: (still bored) Hahahahahaha.
  • When Devin is practising his valedictorian speech, which is a bunch of lines from other, better speeches:
    Devin: It's time for me to write a new speech.
    Rap Critic: Well, maybe you should first start with writing your own speech.
    Todd: My god, that acting, that was...
    Devin: That was horrible.
    Todd: Yeah, what, what he said.
  • About Assistant Principal Skinnfloot just preparing expulsion papers for Mac instead of having him arrested for selling pot to minors, after it's remarked that he looks like he's being played by "the world's worst John Hodgman impersonator".
    Todd: Get it? He's (Snoop) a MAC, and he's (the principal) a PC, which in this case stands for "Poorly-written Character".
  • Remarking on the misleading title of the movie:
    Todd: Mac and Devin go to high school because they're in high school. They might as well have called it Mac and Devin Breathe Oxygen.
    Rap Critic: This is like if Dude, Where's My Car? was literally just two guys in a parking lot looking for their car.
  • Todd spoiling the incredibly obvious solution to Mac & Devin's science project:
    Todd: It's pot. [...] It's pot! The missing ingredient is pot. Spoilers: the missing ingredient is going to be pot. In this movie which revolves entirely around pot, in which two characters literally are pot, yes, the science project will be rescued with pot. Sorry for giving that away, it was gonna be mind-blowing when you found out.
  • After the stupefyingly disgusting fart pot trick:
    Rap Critic: Dude...she just farted. That was it! She just farted and he sucked it into his mouth!
    Todd: Remember kids, if you smoke pot, you too can be this cool!
  • Snoop gets two girls, but declines the threesome, suggesting the girls to make out instead, which is what they immediately do:
    Rap Critic: Huh. I don't know whether to be offended because it was so sexist... or because it wasn't even a little hot.
  • The Rap Critic commenting on the surreal hallucinations Mac and Devlin have while high.
    Rap Critic: Is...is this what's supposed to happen when you're high on weed? 'Cause...'cause that's not what happens. What happens is stuff becomes funnier and music slightly speeds up. Chemically, the effects of weed are actually kind of mundane.
    Todd: [Beat] Wait a minute, since when do you know so much about getting high?
    Rap Critic: [defensively] What are you, a cop?
  • The final graduation speech turns into the song "Young, Wild and Free":
    Rap Critic: ... And then they kindly escort him off stage and don't let him graduate.
    • Then Slow Burn (the animated joint) starts to give an "inspirational speech" about pot.
      Rap Critic: Really?? A pseudo-inspirational speech about weed. You guys made this (the scene of the fart-pot), AND YOU CLEARLY DID IT WHILE HIGH. So do you really think now is the time to tell us that weed is a good thing?!
      Todd: Holy Christ. I don't want someone lecturing me about why marijuana should be legal. I live in the Internet. I've heard it.
  • The "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue, which parodies the film's own:
    "Rap Critic went on to become a mega-platinum selling rapper and was connected by the tabloids to Katy Perry, Rihanna, Selena Gomez and Scarlett Johansson."
    "Todd never found his usual gray hoodie and had to go buy a new one at Target."
    "He says his old one was more comfortable."
  • Todd and Rap Critic confusing all the school-related events gag. Rap Critic first confuses the "Science Project" with a "Talent Contest", and later Todd confuses the "Graduation Ceremony" with a "Fundraiser Carnival".

    Burlesque 
  • Todd awkwardly realizing his TV is in the opposite direction of his keyboard
  • "I expected this movie to be riddled with cliches, but— For crap's sake, she's from Iowa, people. She's literally... ♪Just a small-town girl\ Livin' in a lonely world\ She took the midnight train going anywhere♪"
  • Hearing a weirdly discordant bit of music during Ali's introduction to LA, going "Tha-that can't be." And then you faintly hear a gravelly voice saying "The beautiful people". And then...Todd's mouth hangs open and it cuts to...
    Marilyn Manson: The beautiful people, the beautiful people. It's all relative to the size of your steeple.
    • And then when it cuts to a pre-fab version more appropriate to the film's actual tone, Todd puts his hands on his head for a second, moves them outward a bit and says, "Poosh." Mind blown.
  • "'Blrrlrrlrr!' Yeah, I'm not really a fan of Cher's singing either."
  • The numerous references to a certain episode of The Simpsons.
  • His disbelief when the film rips off two movies in one scene. He even accidentally called the last one!
  • "Christina, even right when she got famous, she always conveyed all the wholesome, guileless naivete of Miss Piggy."
  • After Ali's dance audition fails miserably:
    Todd: I hope you all enjoyed that single piece of acknowledgement that Christina might not be perfect because now we begin the phase of the movie that I call: "Golly-Gosh-Christina-Aguilera-Is-Just-The-Greatest-And-Best-Singer-And-Dancer-And-Performer-And-Entertainer-Who-Ever-Lived-EVER". Spoilers: This phase will last the entire movie.
  • His reactions to whenever Christina Aguilera hits a high note, including a giant fist punching him off his chair, the Jackass recreation of the Maxell stereo ad with a jet engine, and the climax of Twister with the two leads surviving inside a tornado.
  • For the scene where Christina suggests singing for real, instead of lipsynching, where they indicate Cher is the only one who sings, basically saying that they have a band that only plays one song every night.
    Todd: Oh, right. Tess is allowed to sing. Because she has such an amazing voi- No, she doesn't. Even Cher would tell you that.

    Todd: If you have band on staff, just to culminate your one vanity piece song everynight, well, damn. It's no wonder why you're going out of business.

    Todd: You know, Cher. If you're this successful and still can't keep the place open, maybe the problem is you.
  • For Cher's solo song:
    Todd: (singing like Cher) Give me an Oscar∼ We have this whole song and there's no point for it, except for a cheap "Best Song" nomination∼
  • After Ali rushes to put on pants when she realizes her male coworker isn't gay.
    Todd: Oh well, fellas. Girls walk around pantless around gay guys. They just do. Try it yourself. Tell a girl you're gay, and watch them drop their pants. It happens.
  • "Showgirls: Friendship Is Magic That's what I'm calling this movie from now on."
  • Summing up the end of the film.
    Todd: And that's it, that's the movie. She's made it. A real Hollywood success story...headlining a single insolvent burlesque house. She's a STAR, Baby!

    I Fact-Checked The Worst Video Essayist on YouTube 
  • In an attempt to find supposed shipping fan works between Jeffery Dahmer and Steven Hicks, Todd gives a list of one-off crack pairings that he found that shipped Dahmer with: Harry Styles, Eleven from Stranger Things, Denji from Chainsaw Man, a character from Teen Wolf, a member of the K-Pop group TXT, Komaeda from DanganRonpa, and Pip from South Park, at which point he promptly gave up.
  • James implying that part of the reason people hated The Legend of Korra is because Korra was "a queer woman of color" and that the hate was motivated by homophobia and racism. Todd rightfully points out how absurd the racism claim is, since the show Korra was spun-off from famously featured an all-POC cast (using Fantasy Tibetan Monk Aang as an example).
  • When James claims that American men signed up to fight the Nazis because they were jealous of Nazi soldiers' buffness, Todd shows the title card for You Know Whats Bullshit:
    Todd: I am wary of claiming things are wrong if I don't have that one killer fact that disproves it right in front of me, and I don't here. I'm going to risk it and say it anyway, uh, bullshit. That has to be bullshit.
  • When James says that Americans were never jealous of Soviet troops because they were always shown in heavy winter jackets, Todd goes on a massive rant about how absurd that is given the Soviets' famous love for showing off their extremely buff and physically fit athletes in propaganda, showing lots of propaganda footage of them doing exactly that, as well as Rocky IV.
    Todd: Was there any nation in history that has ever been more publicly, visibly jacked than the Soviet fucking Union!? They were not shy about this! They made a big fuckin' deal about it all the damn time! If anyone was gonna "affect our psyches", it was the goddamn commies! (mockingly) "The Nazis were hot and sexy but the Russians were bundled up shapeless blobs" (normal tone) It's just the most preposterous observation!
    • He's rightfully baffled when Somerton claims that people were "getting fat" during the Great Depression... a time where the public was infamously starving.
      Todd: There was no processed food back then. What, do you think people were eating Funyuns?
  • The subtitled response to James claiming that due to artists dying of AIDS, art was reduced to "Ghostbusters (1984) and Cats in the 80s".
    Caption: ...Ghostbusters and Cats?
  • When James tried to claim that AIDS sufferers on the verge of death asked for a single rose to act as the countdown to their deaths like in Beauty and the Beast, Todd bluntly points out that those were probably just regular roses that people bring to sick patients and James is making this claim up, since there's no source to back him up on it.
  • When James tries to claim that NAMBLA tried to use imagery from Aladdin for themselves, Todd points out that not only is there absolutely no evidence of this anywhere, not even the source he claimed, but that James' wording implies that they got away with it, which he notes is absurd.
    Todd: (over an ominous depiction of Mickey Mouse) If they actually tried this shit, the Mouse would eat them alive.
  • Todd fully concedes that he has "comically little gaydar" when talking about James' discussion of "Pynk" by Janelle Monáe. He also comments that "The normies didn't misconstrue Janelle Monae's music because normies don't listen to Janelle Monae".
  • When James claims that there are scores of straight women trying to convince him that Yuri!!! on Ice is not queer in the slightest and that everything about it is strictly heterosexual, Todd bluntly declares that this claim is hard for him to believe, noting that even as a non-anime person, the only thing Todd himself knows about Yuri!!! on Ice is that it's gay, everyone else he's seen who talks about it knows it's gay and tops it off with this gem:
    Todd: I'd more easily believe in people who thought Yuri!!! on Ice isn't about figure skating.
  • Todd countering James' claim that the vampires in The Vampire Chronicles do not have a pulse and cannot get erections by pointing out that this is not only untrue, but the books themselves apparently very strongly imply that vampires might have permanent erections. Todd is very squicked out at the fact that he had to learn that in order to correct James.

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