Critical Role Kraghammer and Vasselheim / Funny

Critical Role 's funny moments
Campaign 1 (Vox Machina): 1-23 | 24-38 | 39-83 | 84-99 | 100-115
Campaign 2 (Mighty Nein): 1-25 | 26-47 | 48-69 | 70-91 | 92-112 | 113-141
Campaign 3 (Bell's Hells): 1-22 | 23-38 | 39-51 | 52-64 | 65-80 | 81-
Critical Role One-Shots

The first broadcast story arc of Critical Role, this story follows Vox Machina, a ragtag bunch's adventures into Kraghammer. Upon a request from the dwarven lord of the city, the crew finds themselves in the Underdark, and their adventures eventually culminate in a battle between Vox Machina and a beholder named K'varn who is controlling an entire city of Illithids. They then journey to Vasselheim, where the party is split into two groups to prove their worth to the Slayer's Take, a local adventurer's guild. This arc features guest appearances by Felicia Day, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, Wil Wheaton, and Will Friedle, adding a new twist to the now-divided adventuring band. This arc also includes the first backstory related episode (episode 22), as Keyleth visits a related druid tribe.

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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Episode 01: Arrival at Kraghammer

The entire dancing bear sequence in the tavern plays out like a perfect slapstick scene start to finish, capping off with Matt playing a drunken dwarven wrestler, Balgus, who finds the bear hilarious:
Balgus: It's been so long since I've been outside.
- Later, in combat, the party comes up with the idea of calling Balgus back to help, and Travis forgets his name:
  Grog: GRAB BALLSACK!
While discussing the group's Bag of Holding Laura points to something on Travis' sheet and asks if something is still in there.
Travis: No, we got rid of the troll dick.
- The backstory of where Vox Machina got the troll dick. It involves Tiberius shape-changing into a female troll, two horny male trolls, and a skillful shot from Vex.
  Matt: Which then went into the bag of holding, which is disgusting.
When investigating Greyspine Manor, Vax'ildan suggest he and Vex'ahlia masquerade as husband and wife. Vex responds by immediately averting Surprise Incest.
Vex'ahlia: How about we go as brother and sister, creepy?
"Am I still being beaten by a whore dwarf?" Cue Orion frantically checking his phone to see if there are any official stats for a whore dwarf.
When Tiberius is trying to figure out a way to get past the magic wards at the entrance to House Thunderbrand, and is then surrounded by four guards:
A guard: You! YOU!
Tiberius: What?!
The guard: You have attacked one of the great Dwarven families of Kraghammer! Name yourself and your business before you're under arrest!
Tiberius: [while yelling himself] Don't speak to me in that manner! I am Tiberius Stormwind!
Sam: [describing what Scanlan is doing elsewhere] I'm snoring after having sex.
When Scanlan and Grog talk about their wonderful night at the Stone's Pillow and the bard mentions that he got hickies, Vex'ahlia remarks, "Crazy, I have some hickies too, actually", implying that she and Thompson the Carver shared a few kisses. Cue a total of 4 "What"s from the group.
When Tiberius is masquerading as a dwarven citizen, he proudly states his name is "Tiberius Kraghammer". There is a very pregnant pause before the entire room bursts into uncontrollable laughter. Scanlan is very quick to point it out by saying "I'm Johnny New York." Orion's realization of what he named himself is equally hilarious.
After talking with the butler at the Iron Keeper's manor, Scanlan suddenly turns invisible and sneaks in.
- The rest of the party freaks out at the reckless stunt he's pulling and use their magic earrings to tell him to get out now. All the while, Matt is calmly describing the manor's interior.
- Scanlan farts shortly after entering and has to make a stealth check, which he passes.
- After finding locked doors, Scanlan tries improvised lockpicking with a random piece of wire. It breaks quickly.
- To leave, Scanlan casts Dimension Door and makes his utterly pointless infiltration sound much more exciting than it was, and how everyone except him was farting.
- Vax reminds everyone that they don't have their healer so they can't fix any serious damage from stupid stunts. He is corrected by the rest of the party; Pike is still there, but very quiet, not feeling well, staying at the inn, "feeling very BAFTA".
When first speaking to Nostoc Greyspine about Lady Kima, and hearing Nostoc say that she "stepped on a few toes", Tiberius' reaction is a "Oh, was she clumsy?" Cue Liam, Laura, and Travis laughing to the point of being unable to speak.
This exchange:
Vax: We're here to right wrongs.
Grog: Yes, we're here to right wrongs, and right lefts—
Percy: [dryly] —and write comment cards.
During the battle, Matt allows Scanlan to use Inspiration on himself... solely because he's Scanlan, and therefore has such a high opinion of himself.
Sam getting his first ever HDYWTDT of the campaign... made even better by the fact that it's the first HDYWTDT of the stream.
Sam: I'VE NEVER KILLED ANYTHING BEFORE!
Travis: NEVER! Never killed anything in two years!

Episode 02: Into the Greyspine Mines

Keyleth transforming into a dwarf to deceive another dwarf into giving them information they needed courtesy of Tiberius' Alter Self, and trying a, er...Dwarven accent.
Keyleth: Oh, hallooooo.
- Not long after this there is a passing comment from Travis, "Keyleth Kraghammer!"
- Later, when the dwarf sees through their trick, Vax takes it upon himself to try to reason with the dwarf.
  Vax: Good sir dwarf, clearly, we are idiots.
  Dwarf: That's the first true thing you've said since you called me out here!
Vex begins a sentence with "I cast..." which prompts an incredulous "You can cast??" from Scanlan. Vax retorts almost immediately with "You can kill?"
Matt plays an exceptionally friendly dwarf who attempts to invite the heroes in for dinner:
Matt: I've got two chairs...I could fit ye on my lap! [pats Scanlan on the head]
Scanlan: [deadpan] I've killed.
Tiberius: This one needs a whore, sorry.
There's this gem when they're trying to haggle with the shop keeper.
Grog: If you are interested in trade we have some basilisk eggs, and parts of an umberhulk.
Vax'ildan: And a troll dick.
Grog: No, that's gone. We flogged him with it, and it disappeared.
Vax'ildan: I retract my offer.
- When Grog, er, Professor Grog beats out Vex in math regarding the purchase of 9 Potions of Greater Healing.
  - Which actually works against Vox Machina, as Vex stated 2500, in an attempt to shave some money off. (The amount it came up to was 2700, which Grog counted correctly.)
    Vex: Why would you do that?
- Vax asks after some elven chainmail but passes on it because it makes too much noise. Grog protests that he could use it, but Vex reminds him it's made for elves.
  Vax: It'll fit your left nut.
  Grog: [beat] That's an important nut.
Vex and Keyleth both roll investigation checks to look for traps; Keyleth gets a five and Vex rolls a nat 1. Marisha describes the two of them dressed in "Sherlock Holmes cosplay" looking for traps and Taliesin says they've been following their own footprints in a circle.
Sam using his Cutting Words reaction to successfully interfere during an umber hulk's attack on Grog.
Scanlan: [singing] Miss, motherfucker, miss!
Scanlan manages to Polymorph one of the umber hulks into a snail, which Vax follows up on by tossing it over the waterfall after telling the creature to go fuck itself.
Vax: Toodle-oo, shitface!
Travis claims Grog's rage form is haunted by nightmares of Sebastian from The Little Mermaid and, prompted by Liam singing the opening notes of "Under the Sea", proceeds to sing his version of "Les Poissons", leaving Matt laughing too hard to speak:
Grog: LES POISSONS / LES POISSONS / HEE HEE HEE / FUCK YOU BITCH!
Marisha and Taliesin decide to nickname the brain-creature "Jeff Lobey."

Episode 03: Strange Bedfellows

A lot of funny moments when Vex'ahlia was interrogating the duergar female.
- Such as this exchange.
  Sam: Can I tell if she's lying?
  Matthew: Make an insight check.
  Sam: Insight check? [Rolls dice] No.
  Laura: Okay, can I see if she's lying? [rolls] 24.
  Matt: She is definitively lying through her teeth, just to hurt you.
  Laura: YES! [Goes back into character.]
  Vex'ahlia: We know you're lying.
- And this one.
  Prisoner: [Talking about Lady Kima] Regardless, we have her down below. And soon enough, you'll see. You'll see what she has become of this halfling.
  Vex'ahlia: We'll rescue her. And we're going to kill your god.
  [At least five seconds of awkward silence, before Vax slits the female duergar's throat. Players laugh.]
  Taliesin: Most awkward throat slitting I've ever heard about.
- During all of this Tiberius is magically finger poking the female duergar.
Travis' Cool Shades (which have X's drawn on them) when he was rendered magically comatose.
After Sam suggests one of the girls kiss Grog to help revive him, Laura reaches over to kiss Travis, to which Travis responds by imitated Grog's...erm, "little Grog", standing at attention.
Travis/Grog: I'm not all the way dead.
After Keyleth revives Grog from his catatonia, various characters try to judge if he's fully recovered.
Scanlan: How many fingers is this? [Sam holds up six fingers]
Grog: Three.
Scanlan: Perfect!
Travis tossing Reese's Pieces into Sam's mouth and Orion excitedly cheering them when Travis manages to get one in Sam's mouth.
Scanlan keeps his figurine of Pike close to his loins, which keeps it warm.
What Grog was apparently dreaming about as soon as he wakes up.
Grog: I thought I was in Algebra Class again.
Scanlan's high opinion of himself whenever he wanted to go sneaking around by himself, when everyone else thinks it's a bad idea.
Scanlan: I am super brave and hung.
While Tiberius is retrieving the magic carpet from the broken bridge, Matt mentions off-hand that there's a river at the bottom of the crevasse (which the bridge had previously been...er...bridging). They continue their discussion while Travis and Laura squabble about Grog theoretically jumping into the river in the background.
Vex: Do you want to die?
When Vex and Keyleth want to investigate a tunnel under the bridge, the group discusses it for way too long, leading to a very tired Travis Willingham shouting, as himself, "Vote! Vote! For fuck's sake vote!"
- The vote ends up being 4 for fighting the boss, 2 for checking out the tunnel, with Tiberius abstaining.
  Keyleth: Tiberius, you haven't voted.
  Tiberius: A Draconian does not vote.
  Keyleth: You come from a political family!
  Tiberius: Well I don't vote! I don't believe in our system! Anyway, that's none of your business!
  Scanlan: Are you a communist?!
- Keyleth and Vex just refuse to let it go, leading to this:
  Keyleth: Why can't Vex and I at least go check it out?
  Vax: You lost the vote, Keyleth. You lost the vote.
  Vex:: I think we should go.
  Marisha: [obviously not in-character] Let's do it! Fuck it! They don't control us! Let's do it! We're going!
  [Travis grabs a bag of Haribo candies, turns away from the table, stews...then rotates back and starts throwing the candies at Marisha. Upon which Orion asks him to throw a red one.]
The party become allies with a mindflayer seeking revenge, who introduces himself to them as Clarota.
Keyleth: Can I call you "Clarence", for short?
Clarota: No.
Scanlan offers to heal Clarota:
Scanlan: When I get that feelin', I want Clarota Healin', Clarota Healing is something that's good for you. Ooh, ooh, ooh...
- For all his frostiness, Clarota can still be seen tapping his foot; turns out he's fond of slow jams.

Episode 04: Attack on the Duergar Warcamp

Liam takes a moment to mug for the camera after passing a cup to Sam behind Matthew's back...
Matthew: [as Liam goes back to his seat] How ya doin'... that'll be disadvantage to your next attack.
Scanlan botching his stealth role leads to him humming to himself while trying to be sneaky. Vax grabs him to get him to shut up:
Vax: Quiet, man, what's wrong with you?
Scanlan: It's a nervous habit, I'm sorry!
Vax: With great power comes great responsibility. Shut up!
Scanlan: It's a gift! I have to share it with the world!
Vax: Save it for the mindflayer! [tucks Scanlan under his arm "like a football"]
Tiberius remains very sensitive to Clarota's unwillingness to call Vox Machina "friends". When Pike returns:
Tiberius: Sometimes we hug. As allies.
Explaining Clarota to Pike, Vax pretends to be an illithid by making wiggly finger tentacles. Which is adorable, but even funnier when Taliesin makes the same gesture to Marisha's bemused face.
After Tiberius cast a spell on Pike to clean her up (Matt previously mentioned her armor was dirty from her journey through the caves), there's a Funny Background Event where Sam, as Scanlan, quietly rebukes Tiberius as he liked her looking dirty.
Everybody has to find a way to cross the gorge, as the party's previously plan caused the duergar to destroy the bridge. Vex, Vax, Percy and Clarota take the flying carpet. Keyleth transforms into an eagle and carries Pike and Scanlan in her claws... and Tiberius casts fly on Grog and rides him across the chasm. While Grog is wearing a brass pot on his head.
Despite the fact that the lead-up to it is amazingly tense, it's hilarious that the party's most complicated plan yet peaks with Scanlan throwing a bucket of goblin shit at a mindflayer.
- As an added bonus, Laura arrived late and had absolutely no idea why Vax and Scanlan were invisible, holding hands (since they couldn't speak or signal each other while invisible), and carrying a bucket of goblin shit.
Laura shows up in the middle of the raid without knowing what's going on. Matt starts pointing to each of the players to find out what they're doing:
Tiberius: I cast stoneskin on myself!
Grog: I rage!
Pike: Daylight on my shield!
Vex: I'm — I'm so happy to be here!
[group loses it]
After charging into the throne room, throwing a bucket of goblin shit in its face, and then stabbing it in the back of the head, Liam asks Matt if the mindflayer is aware of him.
Matt: It is so aware of you. It has never been more aware of you in its life.
"Hashtag Armored Anus."
While Orion is debating with Matt regarding the usage of his "Grand Columns", Marisha and Taliesin are doing a brief parody of "A Whole New World" from Aladdin.
Marisha and Taliesin: [singing] A whole new spell!
Taliesin: [singing] A new, fantastic way to die!
Marisha: [singing] No one can tell us "no"... except for Matt.
Taliesin: [at the same time as Marisha] ...or how to roll.
Keyleth turns herself into a rhinoceros:
Matt: Okay, I don't have a rhinoceros mini on me so we'll use a bear for the time being but know it's a rhinoceros.
Sam: Why don't you have a rhinoceros?
Matt: Because I was not prepared for such things!
Liam: Way to slack off, Mercer.
The group squabbling over how to infiltrate the camp while flying in. They seem split between landing on the roof of the barracks, or landing on the ground by the barracks, or just sending some people down while others stay up, or landing on the barracks and having some jump off... when the suggestion is made for them to just lie flat on the roof of the barracks to avoid detection, Sam chimes in:
Sam: This is the exact conversation they had when they were about to go kill Osama!
- In addition, while everyone else laughs at the above, Orion just sits with his chin in his hand as he thinks, not reacting, before suddenly jolting up from a "Eureka!" Moment. It has to do with the game, but it looks at first like he just had a Delayed Reaction to the joke.
- And then after finally reaching a consensus, Scanlan assures Clarota that he found the right group to help him. Matt remarks that, while there's no verbal response, the group can sense a hint of regret coming off the mindflayer.
- Later, when Laura arrives:
  Sam: We'll bring you up to speed later. You're on the roof of Osama bin Laden's house.
Scanlan is knocked out while being swung around dangling from a Bulette's mouth. Pike revives him, and after some confusion on Sam's part before suddenly realizing he's back up to over 20 health:
Scanlan: [cheerful] I feel great, guys!
Matt: [chuckles] You're still in its mouth, getting shook around...
Scanlan: Oh shit! What is this ride?! This is craaaaazy!

Episode 05: The Trick About Falling

Following the description of K'Varn as having a single prominent horn, while Taliesin and Marisha check to see if they can identify what kind of creature he is, Liam quips that he's a narwhal. Matt promptly scolds him for "spoiling the surprise."
The group tells the duergar they're interrogating to strip. The duergar protests that this wasn't part of the deal; Percy replies that "we'll be taking your weapons, your armor, and I believe your pride".
In the midst of an otherwise extremely creepy scene of Clarota eating the duergar general's brain, Liam sings the McDonald's "I'm lovin' it" jingle.
Grog sprinkles the Dust of Tracelessness behind the group "like a fucking flower girl".
Grog's response to an insult.
Vax: Smells like Grog.
Grog: [immediately] I would like to trip Vax.
- Which, thanks to a good dice roll, actually happens.
  Travis!Grog: I'm so happy right now.
Clarota mentally bitchslaps Vax for making a bad pun.
As soon as the gang thinks a couple of Umberhulks have been added to the battle, Liam flat-out headdesks while Orion starts to but looks to his right at the last second.
Whenever the centerpiece encounter goes From Bad to Worse, Laura declares that Matt is trying to kill them. The occasionally sinister look on his face makes one thinks she has a point.
Grog suffers Clothing Damage as a result of acid damage dissolving his hide armor. Travis mimes him making poses and Liam is so squicked out that Vax gives up his new magical leather studded armor so he doesn't have to spend three days with a half-naked Goliath.
Liam: I can't stare at his pecs for three days.
Laura: I can! (immediately starts winking at Travis)

Episode 06: Breaching the Emberhold

Sam wasn't present for the previous episode so he's missing plot points. Scanlan, of course, was still there, so Sam and the others handwave the dissonance: he was drunk, he never pays attention, his nose was buried in the gnome version of Playboy...
This exchange after Matt, during some description, remarks about the group's "load-bearing" members while looking at Travis:
Travis: I saw that look. Are you calling me load-bearing?
Matthew: Yes.
Travis: [accepting this] That's honest.
Tiberius gives a pretty nonsensical explanation for a pair of empty bottles he carries around, after which:
Grog: Even I feel dumber after that.
Scanlan: Your intelligence is now 4.
At one point, the twins and Scanlan have to roll stealth checks. Upon seeing that Sam rolled a one, Ashley frantically tries to keep him from blowing their cover by having Pike kiss Scanlan. It doesn't work though, because she fails her perception check to realize his unstealthy behaviour in the first place.
- Shortly after, the party once again needs to roll a stealth check:
  Taliesin: I rolled a one.
  Sam: I quickly kiss Percy!
During a rather tense bit finding the petrified illithid, the party asks Clarota if he knew them and what their name was.
Sam: Dave...
- Apparently the fact that this one mind flayer has a normal name compared to Clarota is one considering the fact that Clarota does not like being called "Clarence". Played straight in Clarota's recollection of Dave, as he was a bit of a Jerkass even by mind flayer standards.
Scanlan Dimension Doors himself and Pike to sneak attack a couple duergar, but he manages to neutralize them on his own.
Pike: [astonished] I didn't even need to do anything, Scanlan!
Scanlan: Make out with me!
[the players begin cracking up and start singing "I Think We're Alone Now"]
Shortly after, Keyleth pushes one of the duergar into lava.
Marisha: This is the meanest thing I've ever done!
Laura: No, no. Remember, you killed that kid one time. ^note
- Afterward, she gives him an even more brutal death by cooling the lava over his face so he stops screaming, then lets lava flow over what's still exposed. Says Grog: "I never knew you were an artist." (Made even funnier by Marisha's horrified face, since she'd apparently been trying for a Mercy Kill.)
A few Duergar are left on the wall after all this, and the group needs to kill them quickly before they alert others. Now below the wall and having no ranged attacks, Scanlan resorts to summoning an Unseen Servant to try and push a Duergar off the wall. Matt lets him try, but naturally it fails miserably.
Scanlan: Thank you, Jarvis!
Matt shows the group a map of the building that they have just entered, though much of the map is covered by pieces of paper to avoid spoiling things. Sam's response to this?
Sam: [as Scanlan] Guys, I'm sensing a lot of purple and brown construction paper here.
Orion: [as Tiberius] I am as well, Scanlan.
Sam: That's your favourite terrain, right?
Orion: It is!
The group finds themselves in a small room...
Travis: We're all trapped in that room together, right?
Matthew: Yes.
Travis: [as Grog] I fart.
Tiberius attempts to join the fray, only to be told that he can't cast Hold Person due to lack of line-of-sight.
Tiberius: Oh, poop! I encourage — I encourage violence!
[everyone cracks up as Tiberius does encourage Grog]
Travis: [practically on the verge of tears] "I encourage violence!"
Liam: That's the best line of the night!
- Keyleth's following turn doesn't go any better — she accidentally kills another innocent due to lack of specification, and also resorts to encouraging violence. ^note Again, it's much Harsher in Hindsight considering what happens later on.
  - Liam's own reactions to Keyleth just saying "fuck it" and just rolling with it: he laughs uncontrollably, trying to breathe.
- Vex then smacks Grog on the butt — likely revenge for him almost killing Trinket by accident in the same way before the stream began.
- Matt then interjects to say due to this entire chain of events, Grog gets inspiration for his charge.
Right as Vax opens a door to let Grog at the executioner...
Liam: I use my bonus action to say, "You are so fucked, dwarf."
Grog grabs the dwarf, lifts him up and shoves him onto a meat hook, then shoves his hand into his mouth and yanks down on his jaw so hard that it tears right off, upon which he starts beating the dwarf's last remaining bits of life out of him with his own jaw until he stops moving. After all this and everyone's reactions, Matt starts to move on, then...
Ashley: [straight-faced] Wait, is he dead?
[everyone, including Ashley and Matt, starts laughing]
Matt: He's very dead.
Travis: We made cheese of him.
What's Tiberius doing during both main encounters? He pulls out a book and casually starts reading while eating chicken. Orion Acaba even produces his player's manual and roleplays Tiberius flipping through it during the entire encounter.
All of Grog's In Love with Your Carnage is funny, but especially this exchange, when Lady Kima is eventually rescued and receives a greatsword from Grog:
Grog: Would you like to touch... my axe?
Kima: If you're willing to part with it, certainly.
Grog: [stammering] ...Maybe we should get out of here.
Ashley asking Matt if she can go back into the torture room to get some weapons. She says it like a child asking her Dad if they can go to the toy store.

Episode 07: The Throne Room

Vax goes for a Sneak Attack on a hammering Duergar in the castle's forge and rolls a natural 20, critting him to death instantly without making a sound. Matt narrates it as such:
Matt: You hear *tink*, *tink*, *tink*, [silence]...
- And then Vax starts hammering instead to prevent his kill from being discovered.
Scanlan finds a guest bedroom while scouting out the fortress. What does he do? He takes a dump on the bed.
After the break, Marisha announces that a limited run of t-shirts is going live. They sell out before they're done with the announcement.
- Followed up by this gem:
  Sam: Guys, guys! The chatroom just solved the Israeli-Palestinian conflict!
The NPCs watch the gang plan their attack on the throne room and can't believe what they're witnessing.
Clarota: You're all crazy. I like it.
Kima: For once I actually agree with the thing...
There is a line of duergar guarding Emberhold's throne room. Through a clever application of Water Sphere from Tiberius and Call Lightning from Keyleth, all but one of them are killed instantly. The last one is shamed into suicide by Scanlan's Your Mom schoolyard-style Vicious Mockery.
- This is funny enough as it is, but what sells it is some of the other members of Vox Machina get in on it, singing along and doing some rhythmic clapping.
Vax's first reaction to awakening after having his foot burned in magma.
Liam: Does this mean I'll never compete in the roller derby again?
Matthew: Quite possibly.
Scanlan attempts to use Suggestion to take King Murghol out of the action — specifically, he tries to make the king stand on his head in the middle of battle, to no avail. Upon landing the killing blow later, he drops the Pre-Mortem One-Liner:
Scanlan: You should've stood on your head!

Episode 08: Glass and Bone

The group's reaction to Scanlan suggesting to just abandon Grog, followed by this little gem:
Scanlan: Let's just forget about him. He was a good friend.
Ladies: SCANLAN!!
Keyleth: You are shitting with us, right?!
Scanlan: Within a few days, we'll forget he ever existed.
Percy: Scanlan, no one else wants to go to a whorehouse with you. You'll be going to whorehouses alone.
Scanlan: [immediately changing his mind] All right, fine.
After freeing Tiberius, who was frozen while in the form of a Duregar God, Scanlan asks him if he is stuck that way.
Tiberius: [with Dwarven accent] No, I can change back anytime I want, but I really like how I look.
Healing Vax's wounded foot produces a pun:
Liam: Can I use my luck feat for this?
Laura: You don't have any feet left.
[Liam loses it and Laura headdesks in shame]
Sam's reaction to Vax suggesting Kima and Clarota take a watch together.
Sam: Ooh, what if they start fucking?
[everyone loses it]
Upon finding a scene of carnage caused by another "stitch monster":
Keyleth: Nothing good is ever... tentacly.
Percy: [gestures, presumably at Clarota] No offence.
Liam: This is not a JRPG.
[Marisha cracks up]
During the fight with the tentacled aberration, Tiberius uses Telekinesis to force it to release its hold on Kima, before having it slap itself with one of its tentacles, prompting the monster to look very confused as to what is happening.
Trinket transformed into a kitten is funny. Him getting stored in Vex's shirt is a bit silly. Him losing the polymorphed shape and bursting out of Vex's top (leading to some obvious fanservice jokes) is a really funny mental image. What sells it, however, is Taliesin's cap on it.
Taliesin: Ah, your bear chest.
Scanlan pulls out Vicious Mockery again, this time on the tentacled aberration the team fights. He says it is fat, the elf part is cliché and his bone theme is tacky. Incidentally, he does three points of damage, one for each insult.
Clarota tries to contribute against said monster, but his impressive lightning blast suffers from some terrible rolls, which Mercer is annoyed by, and deals a measly 7 damage. Clarota's reaction to this, according to the DM, is an embarrassed shrug.
This, if only for the mental image:
Matt: Clarota can't do what Clarota wants to do.
Ashley: What does Clarota want to do?
Taliesin: DANCE!
Scanlan falls afoul of the ladies when he claims that he's insulting the aberration by calling it a girl. He spends the rest of the fight completely cowed and reminding them over and over again that he respects their proud/independent choices, etc.
- Likewise — though no one acknowledges it due to the tense situation — the pun that Sam delivers with half-horrified, half-shit-eating grin when poor Trinket is in peril. It's the expression that sells it, especially when everyone else is so grim.
  Sam: This is a grizzly situation!
Taliesin seems weirdly happy to learn that it only takes 5 hit points to kill a kitten.
After Laura fails the first death saving throw for Trinket and puts her head on the desk in sadness, Liam decides to lighten the mood by rubbing salt in the wound.
Liam: She should have rolled better too.
Laura: [Slowly rises her head up to face Liam] Are you serious right now? You're bashing my rolls when Trinket might die?
- Made even better with Liam giving a nod in response, and Laura putting her head on the table again in exasperation.

Episode 09: Yug'Voril Uncovered

Keyleth attempts to calm Grog down while he's captured, forgetting that she's in Earth Elemental form and can only make angry roaring noises.
Grog: [after seeing Keyleth] Oh shit!
Marisha: In rock speak, I say "Grog it's okay, it's Keyleth!"
Matt: You hear [incoherent growling]
Grog/Travis: ...AAAAAAAAGGHHH!
The scene where K'Varn possesses Queen Ulara is pretty creepy, but it also contains this gem:
K'Varn: There... There we are. I can see you all so clearly.
Tiberius: [who has cast an invisibility spell on himself] Not me!
K'Varn: You would be surprised, dragonborn.
Tiberius: ...You're pretty good.
[everyone bursts out laughing]
The tension of the party coming to realise and appreciate just how much Grog's chest was scarred up by the Queen and her men is shattered by this exchange:
Vex: [gently] You look really manly now.
Grog: [frowning] "Now"?
Scanlan distracting Lady Kima with an illusion of a strange (and certainly superfluous) third nipple.
- He later doubles down by casting Polymorph on himself to gain a very disproportionate... "third leg". Kima's "No. Just… No" Reaction seals the deal.
- After the group's nightly rest, Scanlan confirms that his "third leg" is back to its original size, which he shares with everyone. Cue shouts of Too Much Information from everyone and Matt ushering the narrative along.
Scanlan pooping on the bed gets a Call-Back in the form of a Funny Background Event. Sam doesn't notice it (onscreen at least).
Lady Kima of Vord and Vex'ahlia talk about a trade in armors. Elvish Chain Mail for leather armor. Vex goes to take off her armor, and Grog is quick to draw all of this happening. Too bad it was quickly retconned.
The party finds a bunch of ancient skeletons in a side path that was blocked by a large boulder. All of them have been stripped clean except for one, who is still wearing golden chainmail. Vax grabs it and is promptly cursed; he rolls a natural 1 on his saving throw. What sells the moment is the party asking Pike to remove the curse and Matt (who is controlling Pike for this session) responding, "I don't know. I don't have her spell list" in a transparently false innocent tone of voice.
- Kima, it turns out, actually does have Remove Curse and uses it to cleanse Vax of the effect. When he thanks her, she winks and tells him she really just wanted that golden armor.
The twins have a brief squabble over the armor Vax had lent to Kima after she claims the cursed armor for her own, which eventually leads to a contested roll for it. Vex wins.
Tiberius finally uses his bottle of air; which means we all get treated to the mental image of the red dragonborn sorcerer waltzing into the lake with his bottle of air in his mouth.

Episode 10: K'Varn Revealed

When the group calls for a Tactical Withdrawal...
Grog: I would like to Rage...and...RUN!
- The image of Pike, the little gnome in plate mail, running through sand and being overtaken by the rage-running goliath that is Grog is chuckle worthy. What happens next is even more so. She tries to hitch a ride on Grogg's back but Ashley rolls just short of a successful athletics check. Matt narrates the result as Pike landing on Grogg's back, and him reflexively knocking her off with his elbow, and knocking her prone.
Scanlan Dimension Doors himself and Pike (by hugging her of course) out of a cavern to escape a cloaker into the boat outside.
Sam: Don't worry, that hard wood is the boat.
[everyone loses it]
- He also prefaces this by telling her "Come with me if you want to live!" and describes his rescue of Pike as such:
  Sam: And I just hold her real tight... and I sniff her hair... and it smells like strawberries...
  Taliesin: You just gotta make it weird, man.
Vex uses arrows in a way that she calls "barrage a cone" (she means "conjure barrage"). Sam comments that that sounds like "an Italian porn guy."
When Grog is given a new sword that has frenzy power, Scanlan suggests "I'd like to ragefrenzy!" as a new catchphrase.
Vax makes the mistake of giving Tiberius the nickname "Tibber-Hoods." After a brief pause for everyone to laugh...
Vax: Tibber-Hoods, do you have any fireballs left in you?
[brief pause]
Scanlan: T-Money, whaddya think?
Tiberius: [beat] ...I cast Silence on Vax.
[everyone laughs]
Scanlan: I cast Dispel Magic.
Tiberius: Counterspell!
Scanlan: Countercounterspell!
Orion: [breaking character] Do you have Counterspell?
Sam: [checks quickly] ...no!
- Sam later called it "a master class in wasting spells". Also, Tiberius almost immediately cancels the spell himself, causing Vax to suddenly start shouting.
Scanlan inspiring Earth Elemental!Keyleth:
Scanlan: I'm just gonna inspire her with a little... like a little dolphin dance.
Travis/Grog: ...Whuh...?
Matt: It's hard to explain why, but his strange shimmy is slightly inspiring. You've learned something about yourself today that you hope nobody else wants to bring up in conversation.
Scanlan casts suggestion on Lady Kima. Why? So she'll check out Grog. It doesn't work.
Grog: I go over to the water and pour it all over myself.
- And it fails to work on Kima, who politely tells Scanlan that if he ever tries that again, she'll Ass Shove him.
"This'll be the day that I scry..."
During the second Q&A, Laura revealed that a careless motivating action by Grog led to Trinket activating every trap in a room and nearly getting killed. This text exchange was likely what happened afterwards.
- Also from that Q&A, "Bard out with your hard out."
- The gang mentions that they're talking to potential guest stars and ask who the chat might like to see. Suggestions include Barack Obama, Paula Deen, and Judi Dench. Danny Sexbang is also mentioned and Matt seems quite keen on the idea. Garfunkel and Oates also seemed to be a popular suggestion with the crew.
The cast is asked about how Keyleth accidentally killed a child, and later asks how Pike died. Liam starts explaining "Well, Keyleth thought she was a kid, and..."

Episode 11: The Temple Showdown

Laura's sheer glee at her Trinket puppet.
Matt has Vex and Vax both roll Constitution saves against the giant's horrible smell. Laura passes her check, but Liam rolls a Nat 1, which results in poor Vax throwing up all over his sister's hand as she tries to silence him.
Travis asks if Orion's dragon skull die holder is "his brother". Orion replies that it is not. It's actually his ancestor.
During the episode, Liam and Laura wore shirts showing which character belongs to whom◊. This points out the Running Gag that Marisha couldn't tell who was who.
Scanlan gives inspiration to Vax, and Sam uses his new flute to roleplay it. This leads to the YouTube subtitles poking fun at him; they say "bad flute playing". Sam continues and it changes to "Slightly less bad flute playing".
Orion fucks up and tries to cast Water Sphere on a giant, which does nothing since it's a Huge enemy... so Tiberius claims he meant it and that he wants to clean up the giant to make him feel better about himself. Matt allows it.
Travis/Grog describes what Giant Language sounds like. It's nonsense, but the translation sounds like flowery English.
Giant Language: Nipple Taint, Knuckle Broom!
Translation: Brother! We seek to fight a great evil! Perchance, would thou carest to join us in such a fight? I have ale.
After putting the giant under geas, Vex has to serve as interpreter so Keyleth can give orders. Apparently Underdark sounds like someone about to throw up...
Keyleth: Huaweh K'varn!
Percy: That accent was terrible!
Keyleth: Shut up, Percy, I'm not from here, clearly!
Percy: Well, everyone knows that now.
- Shortly after, during translation shenanigans:
  Scanlan: I speak Keyleth!
- Speaking of translation shenanigans, Keyleth clicking to try and dissuade bats from attacking Trinket. A slight miscommunication leads to Matt missing that Marisha was casting Speak with Animals and just thinking that she was frantically trying to imitate bat noises.
- Happens again when Keyleth turns into an earth elemental (with the bonus of a Call-Back to a previous ep) after pulling off a Fastball Special with Grog:
  Lady Kima: If you can give me one of those tosses like you gave Grog?
  Keyl-Earth: [sort of gravelly grumble]
  Scanlan: She's in human form by the way. It's just how she talks.^noteActually half-elf, but hell.
The entire scene that led to Grog headbutting the Fomorian. Grog offers the Fomorian a sip from his cask of ale, leading to this:
Grog: Just a sip.
Fomorian: [peels off the top of the cask and begins downing it]
Grog: Don't do it. I will fucking kill you!
Fomorian: [finishes downing the cask and crushes it]
Grog: I...would like...to...
Everyone Else: NO!
- Everyone has varied Oh, Crap! expressions during their attempt to calm down Grog...except for Matt, who has a satisfied smirk at provoking the situation to begin with (to which Travis shoots back a comedically over-the-top Death Glare). Ah, the rare and beautiful sight of seven synchronised Face Palms. Then, when Travis rolls a Natural 20, everyone is shocked (including Matt) and Travis then retorts:
  Travis: You don't FUCK with Grog's cask of ale!
- And then Grog in mourning for the cask of ale, Pike's comforting, and Tiberius and Scanlan promising to refill the cask for him at the end of their mission is equal parts funny and heartwarming.
Lady Kima initiates a Team Hand-Stack that brings everyone together, including Trinket and Clarota. It's a warm moment, and then this happens:
Lady Kima: For Vox Machina!
Vox Machina, not spoken in tandem at all: For Vox Machina!
Scanlan: We're a well oiled machine.
Vax'ildan: Let's go do the stupidest thing we've ever done!
Whelp...
Vax: I say we go all around the rim of the city.
Tiberius: Ah, a rim job.
Before leaping into battle, Vax tries to invoke It Has Been an Honor...and is immediately shut down by the rest of the group.
Percy: Screw you, I want my final words with you to be indignant and irritated!
Vox Machina uses the Fomorian as a battering ram/cannonball/dead weight. As he falls, Taliesin, Marisha, Orion, and Sam hold up scores like Olympic diving judges. The scores were 10, 10, 4.2, and 9.3 respectively.
After the giant-dropping breaks K'Varn's mind control device, Tiberius tries to rally the mind flayers to help his friends in their battle. He casts Alter Self to look like one of them, remembers that he should not look like Clarota, because he is an exile, and even steps off the flying carpet with a Fly spell so he can look like he is levitating. He does all this before calling out to them. Then Matt reminds him that real mind flayers do not speak out loud, and not in Common either.
- Orion makes a persuasion check, and scores high enough that Matt frowns and looks into the distance. This prompts the other says to say "you stumped him!".
During one point in the epic battle, Matt forgets that Pike isn't grappled anymore. Sam teases him for not being able to keep track of ten people at once. His return quip is "Eleven, technically."
Matt's reveal that Vex didn't finish off K'Varn like everybody believed.
Matt: So on K'Varn's turn-
Sam: What?
Matt: Black energy begins to pull into the horn.
Laura: Mother...
Near the climax of the battle, Percy tries to fire down at K'varn after a particularly awesome turn, and everyone is hyped:
Matt: He will have three-quarters cover.
Percy/Taliesin: I ignore three-quarters cover.
Matt: [eyes going wide] Then fuckin' fire!
The Just Dance songs that Caitlin Glass (who was watching the episode from the studio that night) joined in for.

Episode 13: Escape from the Underdark

This exchange after Clarota pulls You Have Outlived Your Usefulness.
Sam: Son of a bitch, he turned on us!
Travis: I knew it.
Laura: I knew he was going to do that!
Sam: What?! None of us knew that!
Travis: [immediately puts up his hand, pulls out a sheet of note paper, shows it to the camera, and reads it aloud] I don't trust Clarota I don't trust Clarota I don't trust Clarota...
[Everyone cracks up]
Travis: Every week!
- Scanlan later suggests not reviving Kima from her stone state because he doesn't want her to rub it in their face about Clarota not being trustworthy.
  Vax: If we live we're in for so much "I told you so"s
When Pike reawakens, the first thing she sees is Scanlan staring at her with a wide smile, covered in blood. When he asks how she is...
Pike: I'm great! Well, not really, but...I'm just gonna...pretend I'm happy so...everyone can be okay...
Tiberius: That's right, Pike! Bury it deep inside!
After Pike gives Scanlan a peck on the cheek, granting him inspiration. Vax replicates this... by kissing Percy. Percy is disappointed he doesn't get inspiration, as Mercer says they'll have to play that out a bit more.
- Hilarious in Hindsight: In the people-talking-over-each-other chatter after Matt refuses to give Percy the inspiration bonus, someone (Matt?) says something like "This could be the start of something beautiful" while Percy / Taliesin mutters "I'm feeling something new." A couple of years later (in summer 2017), Taliesin publically came out as bisexual, making this exchange come across more like a moment of comically earnest out-of-character self-discovery than the throw-away joke it (probably) just was at the time, at least to new fans coming to the show through the podcast archive started in 2017.
The "master class in wasting spells" gets a rerun as Tiberius silences Scanlan. Scanlan later gets his revenge by turning Tiberius into a mouse... except Tiberius ends up rather liking being small and furry.
- And then when Scanlan threatens to polymorph Tiberius again, he ultimately decides not to since Tiberius enjoyed it, and he's "still punishing him."
When the gang finally gets to see the sky again...
Travis: [as Grog] Would you say it's a beautiful sight?
Matt: Currently, the most beautiful night sky you've seen in all of your years.
Travis: I ruin it with a fart.
The group argues about whether they should cure Kima of petrification or not. Most people are in favour of leaving her in stone form:
Scanlan: We wanna enjoy this!
Tiberius: She doesn't have a sense of time -
Scanlan: Or humour...
- They ultimately decide to leave her for a little bit and take her along on a celebratory pub crawl Weekend at Bernie's style.
"I had a horrible dream that two walking testicles were hurting my mind!"

Episode 14: Shopping and Shipping

It should be noted that this is the first time they've used Skype for any players out of town, in this case Laura and Travis^note, and everybody thinks the connection's gone off when Laura's simply gone quiet for a while.
Travis: [leaning into the camera] Balls. Taint. Ale. Nipples.
Tiberius apparently went to Draconia to get a Bag of Holding and goes on about a few minutes about the Draconian Army. The entire time Vax and Keyleth just look at him and think he's weird.
Matt as Scanlan and saying how he needs to think about Tiberius' trade and Vax saying how Scanlan should wait until he's of more sound mind. Scanlan agrees and says how he'll be great after a trip to the local brothel.
Sam may not have been present, but acting rather awkwardly toward love interests can still happen. Take Tiberius' overly-long hug for Lady Allura...
- Not to mention Orion's assumption that Kima and Allura may be more than just good friends.
  Tiberius: Story of my life...
- At this point in the episode, the chat get to work trending the hashtag "#POPPYBLOCKED".
Proof positive that someone behind the scenes is taking the piss - Allura pays the team for the mission and Vex, being the treasurer, has to accept it, leading to Laura reaching into the camera, whereupon Matt says "due to your 9 Strength, it sags." The chat window switches to Vex's character card, showing that her Strength is actually 7.
In a dark sort of way, there's Percy reacting to the Briarwoods' names being spoken. Everyone else just goes on continuing the conversation none the wiser, but Taliesin leans back, blinking a a million times.
Insight checks on the council, Percy rolls a 1 on Uriel and Vex rolls a 17 and when she's asked by Liam who she's Insight checking, she gets confused and says him.
- Laura jokes that Matt can just whisper it into the mic since she and Travis are Skyping in and Liam and Matt joke that he'll text it to her.
This exchange:
Vax: I wouldn't even think about asking the gods for a shiny sword or a pile of riches, but this is different.
Grog: Unless they could get us a pile of riches.
Vex: Or a shiny sword.
Pike mentions her Crisis of Faith following the cracking of her holy symbol and failed divine intervention, and Kima replies that Bahamut has always supported and guided her, and how there is always more room at the temple...That's right; Kima pounced at the opportunity to cleric poach. The cast erupted with laughter about the conversion attempt with Marisha asking if Kima is handing out pamphlets. Even the chat room gets into it with lines like "have you accepted the Platinum Dragon into your heart?"
Grog's attempts to hit on Lady Kima, her awkwardly leaving after she realizes what Grog is up to and, after he makes an inappropriate comment, Allura smacking him with a mage hand.
Marisha: Ooooh, don't talk about her girl that way...!
Gilmore is properly introduced, which leads to what is essentially Matt and Liam flirting with each other. Orion is practically cheering at this.
- The rest of the party "preps" Vax to talk to Gilmore, complete with Keyleth "dad thumbing" his hair.
- One of his employees also grows more and more disdainful with every item that Vex haggles down, eventually just saying directly to Vex's face, "I don't like you."
- Gilmore's magical branding of Keyleth's armor. Does it wear off or transfer? He has no idea.
- Grog asks if there's anything that could make him smarter, and Gilmore's employee replies, deadpan, "No." Instead, Grog gets offered colouring books and crayons that are for children - and he takes them.
- When offering a line of credit to the team, he says "to be paid within a month, or you will be hunted." Matt has this gloriously straight face. The abrupt change of mood from campy to cutthroat is quite something.
After being temporarily disconnected from their Skype call, Vex is a little miffed to discover Grog has been hiding a good portion of platinum from the party. He didn't want to part with it because it was shiny. Realizing he wasn't going to win against the team treasurer...
Grog: I'M GOING TO DRINK! [Travis storms off-camera]
- At one point, Travis—not Grog—turns to Matt and cries that he's in trouble.
- Even better is the real-life reason for what happened: they'd gotten the platinum coins so long ago Travis couldn't remember how many they had. His best guess was that it was "upward of 150." Well, ten times that amount is definitely upward...
- Also, at one point the call freezes while Travis is making a funny face directly into the camera.
- The cast remark that Vex and Grog are arguing like a married couple.
- The guys point out that they wouldn't need to open the line of credit if they used the platinum to pay up now. Cue Grog crying loudly from offscreen.

Episode 15: Skyward

About nine minutes in, Taliesin (who arrived late) picks up a glass and drinks from it...only to realize too late that it's brandy.
Grog bursts into a tavern to ask something and gets a crap persuasion roll (with a bonus). Scanlan successfully backs Grog up with intimidation where he failed, resulting in the mental image of a gnome out-intimidating a goliath!
More fun with Gilmore as Scanlan goes to request a scrying potion from him...
Gilmore: Flattery will get you everywhere~
Travis: Ifyouhaveanerectionformorethan24hours...
Everyone else: [completely loses it]
- The purpose Scanlan has for this potion?
  Vex: Did you get that potion so you could spy on Pike when she's naked?
  Scanlan: I am offended and terrified at the assumption that I would sink so low as to spy on my good friend — and future wife — Pike when her pantaloons are down!
- Vex and Pike subsequently shoot down all of Scanlan's "Have I ever...?" retorts by immediately saying "Yes!" to all of them. Scanlan then acquiesces on this point.
Tiberius wants to make his Ring of Protection more powerful, but Orion has problems expressing that while RPing, so he defers to his friends.
Tiberius: So. I wanted it to be just— to have—
Scanlan: More.
Keyleth: More protect-y.
Scanlan: More bigger.
Keyleth: More... Yes.
A vital scene where Pike makes a prayer to Sarenrae and is rewarded by her cracked holy symbol miraculously healing itself leads to this bit of Mood Whiplash:
Liam: Celebrate by shitting on a bed.
Matt: It's a cultural gnome thing, right?
Discussing Trinket's new armor, which has resistance to bludgeoning damage:
Scanlan: What if someone tried to hit Trinket with a salmon?
Matt: That's fish damage. That's a different type of, uh, arcane damage, unfortunately. Fire, Lightning, Fish, it's a thing.
Tiberius takes an opportunity to take a selfie using his staff. Matt immediately (but jokingly) tells Orion he has disadvantage on his next two rolls.
- The reason why? Matt hates selfie sticks. Selfie staves, however, get a pass.
Zac suggests doing something "crazy" if the subscriber count reaches 4,000 by the night's end.
Zac: What's something crazy I could do?
Liam: STREAK!
- He completely shoots himself in the foot by saying Vox Moronica (from episode 12) will do a rap video if the channel gets 4,000 subs (which it naturally does). At the show's end, he laughs at himself while saying that he has to inform Dan Casey and Ify Nwadiwe about "the work I volunteered them for".
Keyleth defeats one of the Wyverns... by Polymorphing it into a bunny and letting it fall to its death.
Travis: Thumper is toast...
Before boarding the skyship, Keyleth lets herself lean over the edge of the platform to get the feeling of flying without being an animal. When the battle occurs, after being grabbed and tossed overboard by one of the creatures, she is literally flying through the air. Actually, more like "falling with style."
Laura, for the first time since the stream began, commands Trinket to attack an enemy. She rolls a natural 1. Maybe that's why she doesn't do this.
When Grog interrogates a pirate by holding her over the edge of the ship:
Vex: What do you suppose we do with this thief...pirate?
Captain Damen: To be perfectly honest, I'd usually throw them overboard.
Grog: Drop! [drops prisoner]
Vex: GROG!
- After Vex saves her, Pike does the Good Shepherd thing by asking for her name while healing her. Tiberius is more interested in casting Prestigitation so he doesn't have to smell her odor.
Everyone is shown eating cake in the episode's aftermath, which is about 30 minutes long, except for Liam. He video-chatted this session from New Jersey, and so he gets to watch his friends eat cake for thirty minutes.

Episode 16: Enter Vasselheim

The first ten minutes or so of the recorded episode is just Travis, Matt, Marisha, Orion, Laura and Liam (on an iPad) screwing around to kill time because the video intros didn't work. They re-enact both their own opening and the opening of the Brady Bunch.
Sam enters around the time Matt is finishing up the recap, and asks to repeat all of it for him. Travis responds that he never pays attention to the recap anyway.
Laura wonders if Keyleth could use Grasping Vine to lengthen Grog's growing beard. Thankfully, they decide not to do it.
Matt: Whatever could go wrong?
Vax successfully plays a prank on Grog by lengthening his beard with a fake one while he slept. Grog is none the wiser when he wakes up.
"[Scanlan's] mind is exactly proportionate to the rest of his body, Tiberius."
Sarenrae—the wingman you never knew you had.
Spells 101 with Professor Tiberius Stormwind.
- The makeshift "blackboard" crumbles midway through the lesson.
Taliesin arrived late due to traffic and so he tries to sneak into the stream as though he were there from the beginning; Marisha subtly moving things out of his way and Orion promptly roleplaying an entrance hook so to speak; "You've been very quiet lately.".
Keyleth reminds everyone that she has an augmented Charisma score of ten.
- She flies through an arrow slit in the Platinum Sanctuary, which attracts the immediate attention of guards. She fails her persuasion role so badly that she is arrested on the spot. This leads to much ribbing from her party when they see her being led in shackles.
  - It also leads the chat room to make jokes about "Matt shackling Marisha".
- In their audience with the High Bearer of Vord, she provokes Cringe Comedy when she asks for clarity about the Star of Exaltation; first if the vault of was previously broken into, and then if someone was "clumsy and lost it", and finally commenting that "you should change your verbiage".
  Taliesin: Charisma of ten, ladies and gentleman. Charisma of ten.
Four words: Haggling with the Pope. Vex and Scanlan have the balls to demand a reward from what is essentially the pope of the religion of Bahamut, much to Kima's chagrin. What makes this great is Scanlan succeeding in his deception roll with a ridiculously high number (30). This translates to him saying that they'll use the money for charity (which is complete BS). The man buys it and Scanlan thanks him "...from one holy man to another".
- Even better is Kima's reaction to this lie:
  Kima: Shall we? HOLY man?
  Scanlan: Why yes, my sister, lead the way!
- Turns out Scanlan has a +13 to his deception modifier, which stuns the rest of the party.
  Taliesin: That explains so much!
  Travis: We gotta get you deceiving more!
  Marisha: You should lie more, it's good.
The party discovering a room which on a perception check proves to be almost certainly a trap. Most of the group decide that it should be carefully investigated...whereupon Vax takes off running down the hallway, dives into the room and is immediately almost pulverised in a gigantic meat grinder.
Scanlan's latest inspiration song: "Shut up and shoot that hole!"
Tiberius uses the Deck of Illusion to set up a trap for some spiders. The illusions created depend on which cards he draws from a normal playing card deck. He gets two Jokers, which Matt points out make an illusion of Tiberius himself, but Orion adds "and a female version of me."
During the Skill Challenge...
- Orion makes a comical Oh, Crap! face when Matt calls for a Wisdom Check. For comparison purposes, Tiberus's Wisdom is worse than Grog's much-mocked Intelligence (4 vs 6).
- Grog fails a Wisdom saving throw and gets hit by the fire.
  Vex: Oh no, Grog, your beard has been singed!
  Travis: [sheer look of Oh, Crap!]
  Matt: [evil grin] You reach up and feel that smooth-as-a-baby-Goliath face.

Episode 17: Hubris

During the episode recap, Orion gets up and leaves the table to go get a drink. Matt explains this in universe as Tiberius collapsing from a sudden aneurysm, requiring Grog to give him CPR.
Scanlan gets the episode off to a flying start by mourning for Pike's departure in his own unique way: By finding a secluded spot in the ruined temple of Sarenrae and taking a huge dump while humming Boyz II Men's "How Do I Say Goodbye to Yesterday". Suffice to say, the whole cast loses it.
Orion: This is not romantic at all, you know that, right?
Matt: [to the audience] Welcome back guys!
Laura: Oh, I missed you guys.
- Bonus points for the fact that the cast starts figuring out what Sam is about to do right after Matt mentions that Scanlan feels a rumbling in his stomach.
To top it off, since Scanlan downed a potion before doing his business, Matt makes the mistake of mentioning that Scanlan's turd is blue in color. Cue the rest of the cast bickering in their usual manner about how to respond to this situation, while a clearly embarrassed Matt just hangs his head in his hands.
Sam: I left a magic dump!
Travis: Should we collect the dump? [...] I think we need the blue shit!
Marisha: Can you cast detect magic on the poo?
Grog quite literally drooling over a particularly strong female fighter called the Siren in the Crucible. Percy then directs him to wipe off the remaining dribble before he goes in.
Before heading into an arena pit, Scanlan tells Grog to think of a fighting pseudonym. His answer...
Grog: PHILLIP!
Scanlan's entire plan of how to occasionally check in on their MIA teammate.
Scanlan: Does anyone want to go to my room and look through my shit and see how Pike's doing?
Grog's Heroic BSoD after losing the fight is as much hilarious as it is sad to watch.
Scanlan: That's not even chicken, that's just a piece of wood!
- What's even sadder is that Grog had actually beaten his opponent (Matt said he was at -5 HP), but thanks to a racial ability of half-orcs to bring themselves back to 1 HP from what would otherwise be a death-dealing blow, Grog's opponent was able to land a knockout blow on him instead. The half-orc essentially used Once More to get the final hit. THAT... is depressing on a whole other level.
- While Liam tries to comfort Travis while in-character, Taliesin lets off an absolutely incredible pun that only Laura seems to hear at the time:
  Liam/Vax: Grog, if it's any consolation-
  Travis/Grog: [distraught] What's that mean?
  Taliesin: It's a grouping of stars in the sky.
- Vex is the one who asks where the nearest whorehouse is (which is funny on several levels):
  Tiberius: Don't put on that red light.
  Vex: We'll get you ice cream, Grog. And a whore. How's that sound?
  Tiberius: You could eat the ice cream from the whore...
- Matt hilariously describes a sloppy-drunk Grog's... inability to perform after spending most of the night at the bar. It was not a good day for our favorite Barbarian.
- Then to top it all off, the group takes their mid-session break immediately after it. It's finally too much for Travis, who storms off and delivers a great off-camera F Bomb.
- Tiberius's morning-after intervention, where he asks the bartender to replace Grog's ale with water. Grog's too hung over to notice.
  Grog: It's pretty smooth.
- Matt reminds the party to mark off their expenses, including their gambling losses from Grog's defeat.
  Travis/Grog: [pouting] Where do I mark off my loss of pride?
  Matt: [mimicking Travis] That would be under "Additional Notes."
- A bit unrelated, but when the party is making their preparations to fight the Hydra, Travis shines the laser pointer in his eyes, capping off this series of embarrassing events for Travis/Grog.
Right before the Crucible fight, Keyleth polymorphs into her tiger form (nicknamed "Minxy") for no apparent reason. She stays that way through the night, then frightens a guest at the inn when she goes upstairs to look for the others.
Marisha: Why does this always happen to me?
- Vax hears the commotion and finds her, and she rolls over onto her back and demands her belly rubbed. Vax does so... then Laura and the chat point out that he essentially just groped Keyleth.
Scanlan's unfortunate double entendre:
Scanlan: I'm going to turn us all deep green. With Seeming.
Vax: With what now?
Scanlan: Seeeeeming. I spread my Seeming all over us. Turning us green. With Seeming all over us.
Percy: Nothing you can't ruin.
Sam singing along to the fight music during the battle with the hydra.
The guy from Slayer's Take yells at Vox Machina "What the FUCK WERE YOU DOING?!", they innocently reply "Killing a hydra?" totally unaware they've done anything wrong.
Zac once again puts his foot in his mouth — as a result of hitting 5,000 subscribers he would have to wear a penguin kigurumi the day after. His apparent off-screen reaction to this: Screw This, I'm Outta Here
"The [person] you're looking for is...on the other page."
One of the letters includes the line 'May your dice be blessed by anyone but Wil Wheaton.' Guess who was announced to be one of the guest stars minutes prior?
The final gift of the episode — a selfie stick for Matt.

Episode 18: Trial of the Take, Part 1

While Matt is introducing the show, he gets a random peck on the cheek from Orion.
Matt: Mysterious headkiss. This is the best Thursday ever!
Percy/Taliesin putting his foot up on the table, much to the chagrin of Vex'ahlia/Laura.
When Scanlan's introducing himself to Zahra...
Scanlan: Me? Well, I'm known by different names in different places...
Grog: Ain't that the truth.
Scanlan: Some call me Kingslayer...some call me Scanlan...some just call me when they want a good time.
Lyra's Establishing Character Moment is arriving late, tripping and scattering papayas across the guild's lobby floor. Then she bursts into apologies and excited greetings. The rest of her introduction is also hilarious, and Mertin as Straight Man to her enthusiasm makes it even funnier.
Vex, noticing Grog is getting bored (a dangerous thing for everyone), points out the papaya Lyra spilled on the floor, and Grog immediately starts devouring it. Then Trinket wanders in and starts eating it too, and Grog play-fights him over it. Percy, who missed breakfast, comments that he's hungry before hastening to clarify that he's not so hungry he'd eat papaya off the floor. Beautiful improvisation from all concerned.
Zahra's introduction as she walks into the room and says "I don't know you," to everyone but Grog, who she knew due to his fight with the Hammer. Grog immediately says that was Philip the Terrible, not Grog the Unintimidated. The entire time Zahra is just indifferent to everyone.
The Ro-Sham-Bo battle between Vex and Zahra.
When Mary learns Zahra can't use Mask of Many Faces to copy the appearance of someone she hasn't met, she lets out a frustrated "Oh, BALLS!" (Which she later intensifies as "Balls and a half!")
For some reason Grog is really eager to help make a campfire. First he really wants to contribute some firewood from the Bag of Holding, then he gets super excited over cutting down a tree (and says to the rest of them "Don't tell Keyleth,") then he tries and fails to light the fire after several solid minutes and pouts when Vex does it in half a second.
- Made even better when you stop to realize that Travis voiced another character who is "useless in the rain".
Vex and Zahra's campsite fire is overall sweet, but there is this moment when Vex mentions that her father is still alive. Zahra asks "what is he", presumably in the sense of "is he human or elf" or "what is his profession", but Vex nonchalantly replies "an asshole". Then Zahra cheerfully concurs that they have something in common, because her (dead) father wasn't a pleasant individual either.
Grog gets into an encounter in the wilderness and gleefully bellows "PLAY TIME!" Matt then chooses that time to...go on break, much to the chagrin of everyone else. When they come back, then he tells them to roll initiative, catching everyone off guard.
Percy's gunslinging rampage is done in his pyjamas, with his butt showing.
Taliesin: I'm wearing the pyjamas with the butt-flap, and the butt-flap is down. The butt-flap is DOWN!
- Later, Matt reminds Taliesin that, since he's already established that he's wearing the pyjamas with the butt-flap, Percy's Armor Class is lower than normal. Taliesin vows revenge.
The group manages to capture and interrogate one of the enemies, an orc, for information about the dragon. The moment the prisoner has nothing more to say, Grog (because it's Grog) decapitates him. What makes this a winner:
- Scanlan's total indifference. "Oh no. Stop. Wait."
- Lyra is outraged because it's not how she wants to conduct things "as the leader" and calls a Talk Circle. Grog tries to make amends by offering her the orc's severed head to keep, incidentally getting brain matter all over her clothes. "There's loads of stuff in it!"
- Percy's obviously put off but tries to rally by joking about taking a tongue instead of the whole head - which Grog decides to actually do, causing Percy to Face Palm.
After an off-hand question from Percy, making camp to rest is officially (that is, by Lyra) re-designated "Sleepytimes."
As they ride for the dragon's lair, Lyra (with some excellent comedic timing from Felicia) tells the party aaaaaaall about Aldor. Scanlan eggs her on the entire time, leaving Vex and Percy near-comatose from boredom while Grog and Zahra make a deal.
Grog: Can we make an agreement? I kill you, you kill me?
Zahra: Yes.
Grog knows things. Watch Percy/Taliesin looking more and more scandalised, too.
Scanlan: Grog, what's the term for when your penis is inverted? The opposite of a boner?
Grog: Bellybutton.
Matt ruling on Lyra's various failed checks.
Matt: [insight on a prisoner] He looks...constipated?
Matt: [religion on a distant glowing blue thing in some ruins] It's spooky and you don't like it.
Matt: [perception on finding a path up a mountain] You've read about mountains and you've seen pictures of them, but you've never seen one up close. They're a lot bigger than you thought they'd be.

Episode 19: Trial of the Take, Part 2

Laura playing as Grog. Priceless.
- Rolling a 1 as the first thing Laura-Grog does is phenomenal.
  Travis: I heard I rolled really well in the beginning of this.
  Matt: Yeah, wonderfully. [makes a 'shhhh' motion to the camera]
- Apparently according to Laura, Giant sounds a little bit like a cross between Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor and Taz the Tasmanian Devil.
After essentially pulling off a Thanos and disintegrating a giant, Lyra attempts to deliver a Bond One-Liner in Giant... that basically means, "My cat is your friend."
Matt's comment that the most dangerous class in D&D is being a mother or a parent of any kind and to never have children in a fantasy world because you won't last past 30.
Zahra's conversation with Trinket is both this and heartwarming. First he tells Zahra that he'll do anything to protect his Vex (at which Vex/Laura squees in joy), then Zahra asks him if he's a boy (while the party says he's a guy) and Trinket leans back in a position that shows his genitalia. Lyra covers her eyes and says "Eww!" but Scanlan says "It's like looking in a mirror!" with a grin.
- After Trinket nuzzles Vex to show affection, Lyra says she wishes Aldor would do that to her. Scanlan replies "Show you his giant cock?" and everyone cracks up. Lyra ends up saying "I saw it once, it was glorious!"
For once, Scanlan tries to be the trap detector of the team. It...doesn't go well.
In a hilarious Call-Back to before the campaign was livestreamed, Scanlan introduces himself to Rimefang as Burt Reynolds. Hilarity Ensues.
- Specifically, Matt—in character as Rimefang—addresses Scanlan as "Burt" and only narrowly manages to avoid cracking up entirely.
- "You leave when Burt Reynolds tells you to leave!"
When Rimefang attempts to sway the mind-controlled Frost Giants to his side:
Mary/Zahra: I use...fuck me.
[everyone loses it]
Felicia: What's the DC on that?
Mary: It's very high!
Somehow, Felicia rolls -1 for initiative against Rimefang. (This is what happens when low dexterity (specifically, DEX 7) gives you a -2 penalty to initiative, and you roll a natural 1.) To make it worse, Taliesin's initiative roll for Percy, after adding all bonuses, was 28.
Felicia: I'm never going! I'm just going to have a snack.
Scanlan casts Eye Bite on Rimefang, but he uses a Legendary Resistance to shrug off the effect. Travis suggests that Percy use his "badass motherfucker" feat to make it work; Taliesin screws up his face in concentration, but to no avail.
Laura: Percy just pooped himself.
Taliesin: I made a Scanlan.
The chat rolls a natural 1 on research checking when it turns out Dragons being Vex's favored enemy doesn't give her advantage on her rolls.
Matt: The chat would like to Rage.
Vex fires an exploding arrow right after Percy's grenade explodes, leading to Matt describing the hilarious image of Grog and Scanlan ducking and taking cover twice in a row, and Percy...er...'apologizing'.
Percy: I'm sorry, I'm a genius, I'm sorry! Oh, god, I'm clever!
Grog rescues Scanlan from death's door by rage-feeding him a potion and then slinging him across the floor like a curling stone.
Turns out Vanessa and her husband had a bet going to see if Vex's team would make it back alive. (To her credit, Vanessa did bet in favor of the team.)
While Lyra was politely declining membership in Vox Machina:
Lyra: I really appreciate it, but um—given the kiss that we had [Scanlan], I realize why Aldor doesn't love me is that I don't have enough experience—sexually. So I need to stay in town to spread my wings in that area.
Zahra: Spread your what?
Even though Percy and Vex had it covered, Grog rolls a history check on the contract writer. It ends very poorly.
One of the fan letters is essentially a restraining order for Lyra from Aldor.

Episode 20: Trial of the Take, Part 3

Both guest stars role play a charisma Dump Stat, Vax is irritable because he's separate from his twin, and then there's Tiberius "I'm usually the grumpy one" Stormwind. Because of this, the chatroom dubs them "Team Grumpy". A YouTube commenter also called them "four emos and Keyleth".
EVERYTHING between Keyleth and Kashaw.
Kashaw: Is she always like this?
Kashaw and Thorbir having trouble with Tiberius' name becomes a Running Gag through the first half of the episode.
Triple combination of a Funny Moment, Moment of Awesome, and a Tear Jerker: The Wheaton Dice Curse rears its head once again. Not even Matt switching their d20s helps. (And Matt's increasing disbelief and astonishment is amusing, also.) According to Wil, he rolled five 1s that night.
Wil: HAHA, THERE IT IS!
Orion: 20?
Wil: Uh, what's the exact opposite of 20?
- "Please let me step into a bucket..."
- Matt's theory: "I don't know what ancient Aztec deity's temple you defaced when you were a child..."
- He critically fails a History check for information about a wealthy merchant, so Matt rules that on top of knowing nothing, he can't remember the guy's name.
- Thorbir rolls a critical fail on an axe attack and gets it stuck in the wall behind himself. Wil then asks how long it takes him to free the axe and how far into Yakety Sax the soundtrack gets before he does. Matt rules it to about the one minute-fifteen second mark.
- Wil's final roll of the night after the game has wrapped up? 19.
Just before the break, Wil turns the failed History check into a Brick Joke by suddenly shouting "Tyrell! Now I remember!"
Vax and Keyleth dress in fancy robes to fit in with the Velvet Caberet, and Keyleth Adorkably asks if they can have aliases. Vax instantly shoots down her being Vex "because that would be weird" (possibly because of his feelings for her), only for him to take "Scanlan Shorthalt".
Keyleth: Oh, I can't be Vex but you can be Scanlan? That's a Double Standard!
Meta example: Laura did not react well to Kashaw's idea of trying to score a date with Vex.
- And it was prompted by Kashaw asking Vax what his twin sister looks like. Vax points at himself.
Kash's reaction to Vax's invented backstory for "Scanlan of the Short Halts".
Kashaw: You have a Gnome. Shoe. Empire.
Liam is running a little late coming back from the bathroom after the break. ("He's stealthed. He rolled a 28 and disappeared!") The others agree that when he comes back, they'll just stare at him awkwardly. Liam's reaction to this treatment is what takes the cake.
Liam: [deadpan, without prompting] Disadvantage on my next five attacks.
As the party decides on their roles for infiltration, Keyleth and Vax discuss her posing as his wife. Cue a storm of awkward as Matt looks on very intently. Incidentally, he was just about to drink something and the result was just short of a Spit Take.
Thorbir's opinion of an elven wine vintage: Giant Dwarven Airquotes, "wine".
When things were about to throw down, Keyleth uses windwall to close the doors, shutters, and blow out all candle lights.
Keyleth: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that, I... I sometimes... get a little out of control, but remain calm, alright!? Jesus... REMAIN CALM!
Tiberius: Look, you calm down!
Keyleth: [not calm] I'M SORRY! I'M TRYING TO REMAIN CALM, TOO!
Kashaw: [deadpan] Doing a great job.
Keyleth: [still freaking out] THANK YOU! ...OKAY!
- Right after that:
  Matt: [points to Marisha] Persuasion Check.
  Marisha: Dammit! ^note
- And as they're grilling Vince for information:
  Tiberius: More calm, more calm, more calm.
  Kashaw: [deadpan] Still doing a great job with the calm.
  Keyleth: [still not calm] I'm trying. Sorry, I get emotional.
  Kashaw: [deadpan] I got it. Yeah.
After chasing Hozin and realizing after he No Sells a few spells that he's probably the Rakshasa they're looking for, Tiberius dashes back to the others to inform them. But in the heat of the moment he can't get out many coherent words, leading the others to think he's speaking Draconian.
As the rest of the group are failing to find any secret passages in a room, Wil Wheaton's character intervenes... and somehow manages an Epic Fail on an action that doesn't require a dice roll.
Wil: [as Thorbir] So I look around, I look at the rug, I sigh heavily, and I pull the rug.
Matt: You pull the rug, whoosh ...revealing a wooden floor.
Marisha/Keyleth: [laughs] You thought that was going to be good! [Everyone at the table cracks up]
After a few too many terrible rolls, Kashaw winds up making an Insight check on Thorbir out of suspicion that 1) Thorbir is deliberately sabotaging the group and/or 2) the Slayer's Take is actually composed of idiots, because he can't think of a good reason anyone could be that unhelpful.
When Kashaw slips and goes deeper into the tunnel, Tiberius and Keyleth can't help themselves and willingly slide after him for fun.

Episode 21: Trial of the Take, Part 4

For his first turn, Tiberius spends six minutes using two spells and doing the math for them, as Marisha jokingly says upon his turn finally ending, "I knitted a sweater."
Keyleth wants you to be our guest. None of the others are even slightly into it, possibly due to the acid-dunking they know to be imminent. Poor Keyleth.
The Wheaton Dice Curse comes back with a vengeance. In particular, the initiative roll after Wil finally lands Natural 20 promptly restores the balance.
- And what did Wil — who's playing a dwarven fighter, remember — roll that 20 on? An Insight check.
  Wil: 20, MOTHERFUCKERS! I want to know everything about him. I want to know his parents' name, I want to know his Social Security Number, I want to know what his bank account balance is, and I WANT TO KNOW HIS ASHLEY MADISON PASSWORD!
Fighters of Thorbir's level get three attacks, but the Wheaton Curse reduces them all to failure (2,3,1). Matt narrates this as Thorbir failing to hit any rats when he is standing on top of a swarm of them.
Due to the Wheaton Curse, one of the rats bites Thorbir in his Dwarf Crotch. This is totally a canonical thing in all games.
- Kashaw takes part of his turn in combat to say "Seriously?"
Tiberius Kraghammer gets a callback.
When the carpet loses its enchantment from the acid, Vax laments that Vex is going to kill him. Indeed, you could hear a Big "NO!" from Laura right as he says this. The best part is the timing.
Vax: Vex is gonna kill us.
Kashaw: Who's that?
[Laura's and Travis's screams echo from the other room, since they just saw what happened on a delay. Liam cringes.]
Vax: My sister.
A possessed Vax attacks Kashaw three times...which Liam O'Brien finds hilarious for some reason
Kashaw/Will: WHY ARE YOU SMILING?
Rakshasa! *jazz hands*
When at last they kill their target, Keyleth asks who has the contract for it. Everyone else says "not me". For a moment, there is fear that they left it back at the Slayer's Take guildhall. Then it turns out that Keyleth had it the whole time, but forgot.
More Wheaton Curse jokes. In the previous episode, Wil W said that his improbable bad luck balanced the universe against someone's else improbable good luck. In this episode, several people score natural 20s. After Marisha's second consecutive one, this exchange happens.
Matt: There is a purpose you serve.
Wil W: And there is balance on both sides of the room.
Kashaw's more than a little squeamish at having to harvest the remains of the Rakshasa. Wil gets Matt to lose it with one line:
Kashaw: Thorbir, you want the taint? There's tons of magic in it.
[Matt actually collapses laughing]
As soon as the party starts to leave the Velvet Cabaret, one of the patrons notices something:
Matt: "Oh! They killed some sort of tiger!" That's not an accent.
[Everyone starts laughing.]
Matt: Another who's watching says, "They bought that down at the market."
Kashaw's exit. He pays his respects to the party, turns to Keyleth and tells her, "And you... you might be the most annoying person I've ever met in my life." Then he kisses her, winks, and walks out. It's Keyleth's First Kiss, too!
Laura and Wil both lament that a chance for them to play in the same sessions together was missed. (Nodding to both of them appearing in Titansgrave, of course.)
Laura: We could've both been rolling 1s!
Wil: Get Yuri in here and we'll create a singularity.
Matt's at a loss for words with the last present, but...
Matt: ...Well, guys... roll initiative.
Everyone Else: Oh, Crap!

Episode 22: Aramente to Pyrah

The first thing Taliesin does in the episode is clear the air of Wil's shit rolling, or try to. It doesn't help—he eventually did roll a 1.
Travis's advice on the Gynosphinx:
Travis: You saw Harry Potter. The hippogriff will jack you up. BOW BACK.
Vex comments that Vanessa won't be happy with what she sees through Scanlan's eyes. Playing for an absent Sam, Matt just nods enthusiastically in response.
Vax reporting on the Big Damn Kiss:
Vax: He planted one on Keyleth.
Grog: Planted one what? Like a tree?
The instant Vanessa dismisses Vox Machina, they immediately talk about their experiences while divided. Like kids who want to confuse their parent, Tiberius, Vax and Keyleth are all talking over each other trying to explain how the carpet lost its flying enchantment. Even Grog is suspicious:
Grog: I'm sorry, you said it went in the acid?
Vax: Just a little bit, but only completely.
Vex is distraught, then she allows that if the whole team collects their money, they might buy a new enchantment:
Vex: It's OK, we'll just pool our funds together and find somebody to do the enchantment! You didn't spend any money?
Tiberius: ...well, we spent a lot.
Keyleth: I mean, no!
Vax: But we're still alive!
Percy is so overwhelmed by their stories he can only exasperatedly complain about his bunkmate:
"We slept in a tent! In the woods! With the loudest librarian on God's green earth! She talked in her sleep!"
Vex giving Grog a "Shut Up" Kiss to stop his complaining about not getting a kiss compared to Keyleth and Scanlan.
- More specifically, Laura actually gives Travis a big kiss to literally shut him up, hence his bewilderment.
  Grog: What the fuck just happened?
  Percy: This is what happens when you de-enchant the carpet!
Before going to see the Fire Ashari, they ask Murten if the Slayers' Take has any healing potions, and he says that they actually gave most of what they had on-hand to the group that fought the dragon. Vex replies with this deadpan gem:
Vex: Funny thing—we used them, 'cause it was a dragon.
Describing Zahra featuring Percy's helpful counting.
Grog: She had horns -
Percy: Two of them.
Grog: - and teeth.
Percy: More than two.
Vex: And eyes!
Percy: Definitely two.
Turns out Pike found the scry-enchanted dump that Scanlan left at the temple.
"Let's not rub shit on the carpet."
Keyleth telling the story of Kashaw and her First Kiss is adorable and hilarious, thanks to Marisha's acting. It's even funnier the second time, when she's telling Pike.
Pike: [after Keyleth describes the god Vesh] Oh. Ohhhh.
Matt: You don't know who that is.
Pike: I don't know who that is! [everyone starts laughing]
- Then there's this exchange after Keyleth explains who Vesh is:
  Vex: Wait, wait, wait. A guy... who's married to a god... kissed you?
  Percy: Oh, yes, I see how that could work out poorly.
  Pike: What if she gets... mad?
  Keyleth: You know, I thought about that a little bit, and then I tried not to think about that a lotta bit, so... yes.
Tiberius asks Pike to "bless his quarterstaff". Because of Scanlan's long-term influence, this sounds wrong to everyone. The dragonborn quickly clarifies that he means it in a strict, platonic and arcane sense.
Matt's amazing scene as the pet salesman, and his other stint as the cartographer. For example:
Tiberius: [after buying a sickly pseudodragon] Any tips for - you know, food-wise...?
Matt: Don't let it die. Feed it. Give it water.
Naturally, Grog is the exact opposite of Vex when it comes to haggling — he gives away more than what the merchant asked for in exchange for a potion. Percy was there, but became too appalled to speak.
Grog: Vex will be so proud of me!
- Vex's reaction? "I Hunter's Mark him. Level three."
Vex gets completely plastered due to Vax losing the carpet's enchantment and Grog's attempt at haggling the merchant, and possibly due to kissing Grog himself beforehand.
Vax: This one started before we got here. [Laura points to her tankard with a mouthful of ale] Just keep 'em coming.
- A particularly loud belch in the room causes Keyleth to compliment Grog. Marisha's wrong — it was Laura! Everyone's reaction to that is what sells it.
The group feels proud of their high-brow jokes:
[Percy is examining two different paths]
Vax: Take the one less travelled by!
Percy: That wouldn't make much of a difference.
Matt: [smugly] We're cultured.
When the Fire Ashari trap the party in a wall of stone, Grog does a strength check and Pike decides to assist. Grog rolls a 19 and Pike decides not to assist and it turns heartwarming for a moment as Grog says he'll welcome Pike's help anytime. It then turns funny again.
Pike: I rolled a 9. Tink!
As Matt describes the volcano and the Plane of Fire, the party feels the inhospitable conditions. Except for Tiberius; being a red dragonborn he thinks it's a vacation spot. Orion mimes him sunning himself. It's kind of like a Funny Background Event.
- Even during the boss battle, when the fire elementals set him on fire and Tiberius takes damage, Orion continues the joke.
Keyleth transforms into a water elemental to take on a fire elemental. Matt points out that her attack means she catches on fire... then immediately houserules that no, a water elemental can't catch on fire. Because that's stupid.
At one point in the battle, Grog's beard once again catches on fire.
Matt: The smell of burning hair once again reaches your nostrils.
[Travis frowns]
Liam/Vax: It could be your pubes; don't jump to conclusions!
Travis/Grog: I'm hairless! I don't have any pubes!
In an attempt to end the fight, Tiberius asks the last fire elemental, "Do you really need me to do this?" Matt explains that the fire elemental cannot speak, causing Liam to imitate it gurgling through the flames with his arms waving in the air.
- Cue the rest of the group imitating the fire elemental as "like one of those creatures at a gas station", proceeding to wave their arms in the air like inflatable tube men.
Tiberius stops himself from being on fire by using Control Flames to juggle them.
One of the presents Travis gets is a consolation medal for his narrow loss at the Crucible. Despite Travis's outrage, Matt decides to make it canon.
Travis: [to the gifter] Canada ain't far enough buddy, I'm coming for ya! Son of a bitch, it comes with a ribbon... It just keeps stinging.

Episode 23: The Rematch

Liam's one-off joke about a "Tiefling Trio" in the previous episode (backed by a fanart piece) is made canon when Scanlan claims to have run into Zahra and had a "slumber party" while the rest of Vox Machina were journeying to Pyrah.
Travis: Can I roll to see if he's bullshitting?
Matt: You can go ahead, this would be Insight.
Travis: Yeah, Grog Insight check! Modifier is 0—that's a 9.
Matt: You are enthralled by his tale.
Tiberius wants Grog and Kern to have their rematch, so he encourages violence. Grog immediately takes off running through Vasselheim to find his opponent.
Keyleth's attempt to get an audience for the Grog/Kern rematch.
Everyone betting on Grog. Percy bets 500 gold, Tiberius bets 612, Grog bets 1363, Vex bets 600, and Keyleth bets...5.
- Also Scanlan secretly betting 100 gold against Grog.
Keyleth, again, trying to spread the message about the fight—except that she's whispering to Taliesin, who is in full sass mode:
Keyleth: Yeah, yeah, did you see that? Kern's fighting Phillip!
Percy: Why are you telling me this? Of course I know.
Keyleth: Oh. [to Orion] Kern's fighting—
Tiberius: I also know this.
Percy: Maybe make a friend. Like a new friend.
When the fight starts, the party as well as their players are very engrossed in it. In fact, they're even given popcorn!
When Grog catches Kern's leg as he tries to do a sweeping attack, Tiberius enthusiastically shouts for Grog to "Break it off like a chicken!", and Orion nearly falls off his chair.
- When Grog makes use of an Inspiration roll and nails a perfect attack, Orion gets so caught up in his cheering that he almost falls of the chair again and grabs onto Marisha to steady himself.
Vex's, uh...fanservice. Yeah, fanservice.^*Just to be absolutely clear, Vex did the flashing, not Laura, though the latter did mime it. Imagine the look on Travis' face if that did happen, though.
Vax: Can they make me unsee my sister's boobies?
- Even better? Scanlan's immediate reaction and the look on both Matt and Travis's faces.
  Scanlan: Ohmigod it's her tits it's her tits! She just showed her tits that's inspiring!
- Matt admits that if it did work, it would have probably caused Grog to drop his rage.
Scanlan's Cutting Words to Kern during his fight with Grog.
Scanlan: Oh, Kern! Do you need some dick? because I gave some to Your Mom last night!
After the battle, Scanlan goes up to Grog and suggests that he be a graceful winner, find Kern, acknowledge him as a worthy opponent and make sure they understand each other. "You won't feel good about yourself unless you do." With the most perfect comedic timing imaginable, Matt describes a bookie handing Grog a huge sack of gold.
Grog: [beat] Fuck that shit.
- Travis saying afterwards that he really was going to do it right up until the gold is arguably the cherry.
  Taliesen: And that, kids, is Chaotic Neutral.
Vex is delighted to hear how much Grog's winnings amount to. So delighted in fact that she puts an arm around Grog and says he can pay her back for how much she lost in his previous fight, like he (supposedly) said he would. Grog immediately does so because of her "dragon eyes of money hoarding".
Keyleth and Tiberius getting arrested for helping. They get rescued by Scanlan doing his Burt Reynolds routine again.
Scanlan: Good thing you were represented by an Ace Attorney!
Orion: [in Apollo Justice's voice] HOLD IT!
- In that very same scene, Matt dissolving into Angrish (in character!) when he tries to pronounce "oubliette".
  Matt: However, if I see either of you two causing any trouble anywhere in Vassalheim...it's down to the oubliette you go, you hear me?
  Scanlan: Ooh, say that word again, what? Oubliette?
  Matt: [still in character] The [incoherent mumbling and baby noises as he fails to pronounce everything, looking at his hands in horror]. What is wrong with me? Get out of here!
  Everyone: [bursts out laughing]
  Scanlan: You've been bested!
  Tiberius: He's speaking Draconian!
- It flew over everyone's head (except for Orion), but Taliesin's one liner regarding Tiberius' suggestion they just ask the other guards where they were taken after being arrested.
  Taliesin: [in character] "Excuse me? If someone were to be an idiot, where would you hold them while other people decided how much of an idiot they were?"
- The fine for cheating is 500 gold for the pair of them. Vex has to fight the impulse to haggle, succeeds with help from "Burt Reynolds", and then looks physically pained as she parts with the coins.
Everybody misinterprets Grog's request to go to a tavern, find a young boy, and ask him if he'd like to make some money. He just wants someone to send Kern his participation medal.
Travis: You sick fucks!
- This gets a Call-Back later when Grog asks for the twins to go with him to speak with Earthbreaker Groon.
  Scanlan: Would you like any young boys to come with you?
Percy's conversation with Victor the black powder prospector. Taliesin could barely compose himself during the scene, everyone else was flat-out corpsing.
- When Matt first speaks as Victor, Sam and Liam both look over in sync at Matt after looking down at the table/away.
- When Percy leaves the house, after a moment trying to process what just happened, he crowns the whole scene by announcing that he is going to "become very excited at the prospect of a new accent."
- And the result, in which Victor gives Percy a hogshead worth of black powder:
  Vex: ...Is that a pig's head?
  Keyleth: It is literally a pig's head.
  Percy: I don't—yes. It is in fact a pig's head. It's complicated.
Percy's visit to the blacksmith, who repeatedly asks him to not enter the forge because he's covered in black powder; part of Percy's haggling is to promise to shower twice, which the blacksmith agrees to.
Matt: [as a blacksmith]: Remember, bathed.
Percy: Very bathed.
This exchange:
Matt: [as a Tavernmaster] Apparently [Earthbreaker Groon] was summoned to watch your battle.
Vex: And what does that mean?
Matt: [still in character] I have no fucking clue!
Kynan's meeting with Vox Machina is this, heartwarming and a tearjerker but the funniest parts are when he fanboys over Vox Machina and begs to join, and Vax non-lethally sneak attacks him for 66 damage.
- Within it, we have this comment:
  Kynan: Percival, the great one who streaks fire from his tube!
  Taliesin: [to Marisha] I had that taken care of.
Right after the break, the entire party gets smashed at a pub. It's awesome. Tiberius falls over, and Percy starts slurring out "brilliant but slightly inebriated" thoughts and insulting Keyleth's antlers.
Tiberius: I'm sure you'd like to go to a pub of some sorts?
Keyleth: We're in a pub!
Tiberius: Oh, fuck!
Scanlan: That's how drunk we are.

Funny / Critical Role Kraghammer and Vasselheim

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Funny / Critical Role Kraghammer and Vasselheim

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