Critical Role Approaching Apogee / Funny

Critical Role 's funny moments
Campaign 1 (Vox Machina): 1-23 | 24-38 | 39-83 | 84-99 | 100-115
Campaign 2 (The Mighty Nein): 1-25 | 26-47 | 48-69 | 70-91 | 92-112 | 113-141
Campaign 3 (Bell's Hells): 1-22 | 23-38 | 39-51 | 52-64 | 65-80 | 81-
Critical Role One-Shots

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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Episode 39: The Momentum of Murder

In the wake of Eshteross's death, the Hells discuss possibly renaming themselves in his honor, which Imogen disagrees with. Sam then asks "Why wouldn't you want us to rebrand ourselves, Laura?"^*Laura is the person in charge of merch for the show, and thus the branding.
- In a meta joke, Chetney grumbles about how he already carved them a Bell's Hells logo out of wood.
Laudna attempts to cast Eldritch Blast on Ashton to see if she's still got all her powers after Delilah's death. She insists on pulling her punches, but Ashton (and Taliesin) insist he'll be fine. Sure enough Marisha rolls a one followed by a seventeen and hammers Ashton with an Eldritch Blast. They shrug it off, take a shot, and cheer.
As the Green Seekers are escorting them out of the tavern, Ashton shouts to the staring patrons that he killed the tavern owner and doesn't regret it.
Ashton: If I'm going down, I'm going down a legend.
Orym tells Orlana Seshadri that all of them are more than willing to hunt down Otohan Thull if she needs them to. Cue poor Laudna's silent Oh, Crap! reaction.
Imogen and Orym tearfully give their goodbyes to Estheross. Fearne tries to pickpocket him much to everyone's disgust. At least, almost everyone's.
Ashton: [softly] "You're my favorite."
Chetney and Laudna mend the letter back together to make it look like it wasn't touched. Chetney outright tells the person they turn the letter over to that they committed mail fraud.
Sam's flask has an advertisement for a phone sex hotline to Ruidis itself, complete with a bright red phone strapped to the side.
The group meet Weva Vudol, a creepy woman who looks after dead bodies. She even kinda creeps Laudna out.
- As she walks away Laudna tries to read her expression. But since her back is turned, she can't glean anything off of her.
Matt: You hate to see her go...
Sam: But love to see her walk away.
Upon finding out that Estheross' cane is actually an enchanted transforming scythe, both Chetney and Ashton take a liking to it. F.C.G. immediately assumes they'll start fighting over who gets to wield it and begs them to stay civil despite both of them insisting they have no problem sharing it.
- Ashton tries to prove this to F.C.G. by tossing the scythe over to Chetney. He gets bowled over by the scythe and everyone acts like Ashton's killed him.
Much like "Mike Hunt", Matt's phrasing of Pretty "needing to drain the bacon" is taken to it's logical extreme by the table, with everyone talking about how they'll need to drain the bacon as soon as Matt calls break... which he was just about to do.
Laura's cross-talk with Liam led to some momentary confusion over which character Matt was voicing and which character Orym was asking about.^note This led to jokes that Laura's cup had too much margarita in it, with her defending it as juice. Sam dubbed it "Momma Juice," and everyone started cracking jokes about Laura as a Lady Drunk.
Travis: We're gonna get home, Ronin's gonna be like "Can I have momma juice?"
Liam: (slurring) "Go play your Nintendos."
Ashley: "I'm not sleeping, I just have my eyes closed."
A young crew member comes to greet the Hells and is scared shitless at seeing Laudna. She gingerly throws a coin at him which hits him in the eye and he scurries off. Xandis comes up to inform Laudna they had been telling the kid the docks were haunted. Laudna giggles as she wished Xandis told her earlier so she could have put on an act. Xandis laughs and says they'll remind her to do it next time.
The Hells ask if there's an escape pod on the ship with Xandis claiming they wouldn't have dreamt of making an escape pod just for themselves. Chetney rolls for an insight check and gets a whisper.
Laura getting annoyed at Sam who asked while she had just finished shopping if she could have picked up a coin worth 25 gold.
During the travel, Chetney decides to cut sections of rope for everyone to tie themselves onto the ship, to avoid them falling overboard like last time. As Matt asks everyone to roll for strength, most of the group roll poorly while Ashton rolls high.
Ashton: (after Fearne, Imogen and Orym roll 3 or lower) 22, what the fuck is wrong with you?!
- Everyone starts slamming into the side of the ship with Laudna casting Feather Fall to stop it. Orym however, gets shot up into the sky like a kite and is forced to stay up there for a while.
Out of boredom, Laudna decides to tie Pâté up and flies him like a kite. She then quickly reprimands him for being too cheerful.
Pâté: (beat) I don't know how else to be!
- F.C.G. asks if Laudna was trying to kill Pâté with her quipping that he was already dead.
Orym is said to be the most competent member of Bell's Hells because he does 200 squats every morning.
A crewmate momentarily walks up on deck for fresh air and sees Fearne and Orym fighting off werewolf Chetney. Orym and Fearne assure them it's fine and to go back inside. The crewmate looks awkwardly at the group but complies and quietly leaves the scene.
After Chetney recovers from being forcibly transformed into his wolf form by a Ruidus flare, he looks down and, in Travis's deep growly voice:
Chetney: Oops. I did it again.
After a moment of being horrified at what he's done, Chetney immediately dismisses Orym's heavy wounds to try and get Fearne to come to his room.
Orym: I'm gonna rub some dirt on it and shake it off.
Chetney: I'm gonna rub something else.

Episode 40: Compulsions

Sam's ad for Hit Point Press this week has him pretending to be a radio DJ, but all the soundboard cues turn into the story of a husband walking in on his wife having an affair (voiced by Travis and Marisha) and the other man shoots the husband and flees the police. Sam gets so invested in this story that he tries to press more cue buttons, only to find that they're now making the sounds they're supposed to.
Imogen and Laudna decide to go for a late-night stroll to help her get her mind off of her dream and Sending to her mother. They take one step out onto the deck and immediately see the near-mauled trio of Chetney, Fearne, and Orym. Chetney assures them both that he's fine before passing out.
Imogen brings Chetney to F.C.G. and Ashton's room. F.C.G. yells a cheery "Smiley day" which gives Ashton a headache, and Laudna reminds F.C.G. it's still two in the morning. On closer inspection of Chetney's condition, Ashton is bummed he missed out on an amazing show.
- Ashton covering Chetney's nose and mouth to get him to stop messing around. After F.C.G. heals him, Travis jokingly starts singing "hello my baby, hello my honey".
Ashton asks for a show of hands of who thinks they'd probably betray the group at some point. Everyone but Orym raise their hands. Fearne insists she'd never turn on the group.
Ashton: (to Fearne) You are actually the one I worry about most.
Pate joins in on a heart to heart between the Hells, assuring them in his own creepy way that they're all in this together. F.C.G. clearly does not like him.
F.C.G.: I just found out that I've got a soul, and now this thing is alive now too, so it's like a good and a bad.
Imogen: Does Pate have a soul?
F.C.G.: I don't know, but the fact that he is alive and sentient makes me question whether my soul is worth anything!
The first skill check that the table fails goes over surpringly well, as everyone is below deck when a sudden crossbreeze batters the skyship. The same can't be said for Xandis, who gets thrown around cursing up a blue storm the whole time.
F.C.G. stands on the upper deck holding the Changebringer's coin, asking her for a sign. The ship is then immediately boarded by a group of cockatrices that attack F.C.G., who refers to them as "bird-dogs".
Matt reveals that the cockatrices were trying to flee from a chimera. Courtesy of Laura and Travis's son Ronin, who Matt had asked beforehand what creature he'd like the group to fight.
Liam: (to Laura) So when you die, it'll be extra special.
- He also mentions that the cockatrices shiver in repsonse to the chimera's cry, and Travis and Marisha recall a moment from the previous campaign that (once again) breaks Marisha for several minutes.
Travis: *under his breath* Shiver and quiff?
Marisha: Yeah, I almost didn't wanna say it!
- Also, it's a white chimera and the leathery wings and dragon head appeared first, making it appear at first that the threat was a white dragon. This is a reference to the white dragon Gelidon that pursued the Mighty Nein in the last campaign, summoned by one unfortunate event roll.
Laudna takes 36 fire damage which which knocks down Laudna's hit points to dangerously low. Marisha is understandably distressed.
Marisha: (sadly) I don't even go here...
Chetney once again not quite sure of his age, with him guessing from 400 to 600.
Chetney: It's very clear I am... (rolls dice) 700 years old.
Chetney encourages everyone to howl to show the Gorygynei they're here. F.C.G. instead shouts "beep beep boop!"
Orym: Wait. Letters, do you know what a wolf is?
Chetney informing the group there was a secret code the wolves used which was, "Baa-Ram-Ewe". You can see Matt visibly trying to hold in his laughter and disappointment.
When Chetney is asked by the Gorgynei to reveal his "true self", he makes a show of it - a Magic Mike-style strip show of his own gnomish skin that culminates in dumping a branch-full of rainwater on his head. The Gorgynei all seem bemused by this, and when F.C.G. does Detect Thoughts on the leader, the first thought they get is "What the fuck is this dude?"
The group is given extra pelts to keep them warm as they sleep in the lean-to overnight. Laudna is handed all of them and is knocked onto the ground almost immediately. Taliesin says it brings to mind the "Why can't I hold all these limes?" meme.
Imogen: These pelts, um. Where'd you get them from? They're not from your people, right?
Matt: On the pelts, you see... Nah, just kidding.
Imogen: UUUUUUUGH!
Ashton: That one's got a tattoo!

Episode 41: Call of the Wild

Orym gets a reply from Dorian—this time from Robbie Daymond himself! It's a very sweet message lamenting that Dorian can't be there...and then ends "Is This Thing On?"
Chetney comes across an odd mushroom and hands it to Fearne, who claims to know exactly what it is. One chomp later and Fearne is tripping balls as she sees Chetney's face distort and his voice warp; when Orym calls for her, he sounds like a chipmunk. She remains poisoned and out of it for the next 24 hours.
As the leader of the group tells them how she communicates with the other creatures by showing off her strength Chetney lets out a gleeful, "Recognize the Alpha".
One of the Gorgynei watching over the group helps Fearne, who takes his comments as flirtations, causing him to blush.
The group discuss what kind of were-creature they would be: Ashton an alligator (to match his current skin tone), Orym a rabbit, Fearne a quokka, Imogen a horse (with Travis asking if she meant centaur), Laudna a rat and F.C.G. a fish so he could feel the water.
- Chetney jokes that he would be a cockatoo.
Marisha rolls for that day's travel and rolls just high enough that they don't get into a combat situation, with everyone looking slightly disappointed at the results.
As they enter the temple, the leader warns them not to take anything until they ask for permission. Cue half of the table looking over at Fearne.
Ashton tries to compare his hammer to Annaline's. The rest of the group immediately starts laughing about him having "hammer envy".
Matt: It's maybe about two inches shorter than yours.
Sam: But it's thicker.
Taliesin: Stop it.
During Chetney's trial, he lashes out at the group. When he catches Laudna in his sight, she immediately spider crawls up the walls and out of his reach.
- Fearne shifts into a wolf and tries to seduce Chetney. She even tries communicating with him, only to have all of her words come out as barks, which Chetney somehow still understands.
F.C.G., as a Command, picks up a stick and yells "FETCH!" The Wisdom Save gets Chetney to notice and growl at the robot.
After coming to, Chetney screams in horror as he sees the dagger poking out of his chest. Laudna wonders if she should take it out...before deciding against it and keeping the dagger in him. Chetney eventually rips it out on his own and howls in pain.
Ashton walks over to Chetney, at first seeming to offer a hug, and then socks him in the face yelling, "Asshole! Asshole!" Ashton then finally collapses out of exhaustion.
At the end of the episode, the group decide to strip naked and run outside together.
- This is followed by Orym receiving what appears to be a sign from Will and a blessing of the Wildmother herself in the form of a new sword. After he retrieves his new sword, he immediately shifts back into stripping his clothes and running after the others.
After the episode, the cast levels up with Taliesin only rolling a three on his hit points on a d12 while Travis somehow manages to roll three ones again! Thankfully, he manages to properly roll an eight on his fourth roll.^note

Episode 42: The City of Floating Light

Laudna asking Fearne for help magic isn't funny on its own, until you realize two things. 1. Fearne's specialty is fire. 2. In the level up video before this episode aired she took her fifth level in Sorcerer which let her get third level spells. The Chat and the table immediately knew that she took the legendary Fireball spell. Sure enough, she launched a fireball at Fearne which scorched everything around the two. Fearne just shrugs it off despite losing part of her hair.
- Then because Mister is immune to fire, he just sits on Fearne's shoulder blankly.
Laudna and the others come upon a dead creature, and she attempts to stuff its heart into Pâté.
F.C.G. expends 25 gold and a fourth-level spell slot to cast Divination...to ask the Changebringer what he should do with his hand while gambling.
Matt: The whispering winds of the Changebringer drift through your mind, and you feel a calm summer breeze that drifts through fields of grass. The grass, freshly cut, like your namesake....and the sound of the wind goes... "...Fold."
- FCG then proceeds to ignore her advice. After multiple sessions spent trying desperately to get a response, he spent a fourth-level spell to ask the goddess of luck what to do at a blackjack table, got her attention for the first time ever ...and then did the opposite of what she told him to do. The table lampshades this.
Matt: Ignoring the Changebringer,' okay!
Travis: LET IT RIDE, BABY!
Chetney starts gambling and winning a decent sum of money, but he starts getting so in over his head that he asks F.C.G. to get them one of the fanciest rooms for free since they've been spending so much.
- F.C.G. chooses to phrase this as Chetney wanting to "swing a big dick."
  Ashton: Where did you learn that language?!
  F.C.G.: From you, Ashton!
  Ashton: (corpsing) God dammit!
- This leads to F.C.G. and Fearne asking for a room, with Fearne getting short with the desk clerk who doesn't take kindly to her. F.C.G. then offers to pay for the rooms (with Fearne paying since he has no money) but asks the clerk to not tell Chetney, quietly begging her to tell him the room was free if he ever asks. The table jokes the lady was filming them to get footage of them being terrible customers.
The Hells continuously tip ten gold for all of their expensive purchases. The table laughs at this, calling the Hells assholes before clarifying that the players themselves are not like this to hotel staff in real life.
Chetney calls for a three towered shrimp meal, with F.C.G. quietly messaging the front desk for it. Promising to foot the bill, and again not tell Chetney it has been paid for and it was a complimentary gift.
A bit drunk, Ashton leans towards Pâté with a jovial attitude before it suddenly turns sinister when he threatens Delilah, telling her if she's in Pâté, he'll fucking kill her. Just the idea that Delilah is impersonating Pâté is a hilarious thought on its own.
- Pâté scuttles over to Laudna's shoulder and quizzically asks why Ashton suddenly threatened him. Laudna says that's just how Ashton makes friends, with Ashton smiling placidly and waving towards Pâté in the background.
  Ashton: I'm gonna make you a fancy hat. It's gonna look great.
Because the Hells had shrimp as their main meal the night before, Liam jokes that when Orym went to use the bathroom, the Hells immediately steer clear from going near it.
Orym: All I eat is protein, you should know this.
When the players realize they hadn't actually set foot in the city yet, Matt even lampshades it.
Matt: You're not even in the city yet, you're still at the airport!
When Laudna lies to their guide that they're a performance troupe, Orym helps sell it by performing a silk rope routine and spins up in the air. Half of the room turns to look at him wondering what was going on while enjoying the show.
The last few episodes have been taking A Day in the Limelight in dark directions - Imogen finding her mother, Laudna facing her fate thanks to "D", Chetney dealing with his werewolf nature, and Orym briefly coming to terms with the loss of Will. This episode ends with F.C.G. facing his personal demon...Shithead, the bird who only shits on him.

Episode 43: Axiom Shaken

Previously, whenever one of the players was out sick, Matt would take over playing their character for an episode until they returned. Taliesin is out sick for this episode, so Matt plays Ashton... except by Taliesin's request, Ashton disappears 20 minutes in without a word to "follow a thing."
Sam: God, that's so Taliesin.
Sam once again is shocked to hear that Fearne wears clothes.
Marisha points out the Mood Dissonance of what Ashley was doing versus what her character was saying.
Ashley: (as Fearne) Accepting the darkness is... kinda fun. It's not as bad as people say.
Marisha: As she sips from her gingerbread mug.
Ashley: (Spit Take)
- If there was ever any proof that these guys are just big dorks, look no further than everything that happens after this. As they're cleaning up Ashley's spilled drink, Laura leans down to blow her nose and bonks her head on the table with a deadpan "Ow." Sam bends over laughing at her, causing him to hit his teeth on the metal dividers of his binder and shout "Ow!" as well, at which point Matt has to pause the scene and ask what is going on.
  Travis: Okay, okay, hold on, the last ten seconds is fucking Keystone Cop city!
  Ashley: What is happening?!
  Travis: She bent over and smashed her forehead into the table, he laughed at her and cracked his teeth on his binder, this year needs to END!
- What's even funnier about this is that earlier in the episode, Travis at one point shifts his chair hard enough to squeak, making a noise that leads to Sam/FCG asking if he was okay since they assumed Travis straight up broke it. Travis then joked that it was the sound of Chetney breaking a femur. This episode is just fully chaotic in so many different ways.
F.C.G. casts Fast Friends on one of the seminary's receptionists to get her to give them directions to some of the professors, and the Hells feel bad enough about this that they try to actually befriend her so when the spell wears off she won't be as upset. Laura and Sam compare it to romcoms like Overboard (1987) and Love Potion Number Nine. Liam immediately points out that all of those movies wouldn't fly in the modern day.
While sneaking into one of the professor's homes, F.C.G. hides under Fearne's skirt. The others snark about all the stolen items they're going to find in there, and Ashley jokes that it's her grotto.
When the Hells go through a translocation circle, they find themselves in the lab of Planerider Ryn, whose lab was earlier discovered by the Mighty Nein in Episode 129 of Campaign 2. Laura and Marisha nearly go ballistic...and Sam observes that Ashley had no reaction whatsoever.
Ashley: What's going on? I don't watch this show.
Chetney drops his invisibility and introduces himself as "Planewalker Chetney."
Chetney: I used to be a rider, but not at this age.
Sam: Do you have a plane walker?
Liam: Yeah, it's a plain walker.
F.C.G. asks if Ryn could see Chetney the whole time he was invisible; she could, but she wanted to see what he would do. F.C.G. asks what he was doing, and she replies, "Mainly just touching himself".
Imogen decides to contact Mori, with Fearne insisting Imogen refer to her using the nickname her Nana called her, "Fearnie-Bear-Cub-Banana". When Imogen recites this name, Fearne gives her an enthusiastic thumbs up.
- Then there's the actual message from Mori. She sounds like a withered hag, glad to hear her granddaughter wants to visit and calling her, Bear-Banana-Baby. How does Imogen react to hearing Mori?
Fearne: Did you hear her?
Imogen: Oh, I heard her.
Fearne: Isn't she just?
Imogen: She sounds so warm.
Fearne: Aw, I miss her so bad!
- Off to the side as Imogen repeats to Orym how "warm" Mori sounded, she secretly messages him telepathically.
Imogen: Really, just the warmest- (in Orym's head) Dear God, she sounded like, fucking terrifying... Really fucking scary.
Orym: (beat) Well, that's one option.

Episode 44: Bawdy Basement Belligerence

The first part of the episode is like the Mighty Nein Reunion episode... but somehow even hornier than that!
The group hears footsteps on the floor above them, and they start to panic on their options, with them repeating, "Are we running or fucking?!" They then decide, in the spur of the moment, to act like they're filming a porn movie with Kinky Role-Playing, and hope that their enemies will be so weirded out that they just leave. Bell's Hells is so committed to the bit that it almost works.
- Cue Ashley taking off her jacket due to it being too hot, but says that Fearne does take her dress off. Marisha then says Laudna rips off her blouse.
  Marisha: I'm panicking!
- Chetney, in werewolf form, pretends to be an actor about to enter the scene, including saying "I'm here to fix your pool!" Cue the entire cast Corpsing.
  Sam: We are fully committed to fucking.
  Ashley: We are?
  Sam: Yeah.
- Imogen's Bad "Bad Acting".
  Imogen: What's the matter boys? We're just getting started!
  Fearne: Ohhh....
- When Chentney suggested this idea, watch Matt's reaction. First he tilts his head like "Travis what the hell are you doing?" Then when he realizes what's about to happen, he looks up to the ceiling with the look that says "Why me?"
Imogen tries to claim that they didn't know the house was occupied and how they hard time finding places to "do this kind of thing". The man seems to almost fall for it before looking at Imogen's arms and noticing her markings. As he starts to ask about it, Imogen darts out of the room.
- Laudna noticing this (in her form of dread) yells out, "My scene partner!!" and follows Imogen.
F.C.G. uses "Command" and Sam initially has his order be to "fap". You can see the exact moment Matt gives up on trying to reign his table in.
Matt: (beat) Players make the creative choices they wish... I'm not going to deny them that... Do you wish to command them to fap?
- Sam and Matt trying to work out F.C.G's command and the logistics of it.
  Sam: It lasts for a round.
  Matt: That's six seconds.
  Sam: That's how long I last.
- Sam then changes it to "Command" and the mage starts yelling out random commands to their group. Towards the end of the battle, they yell out a command again, and then elaborate that they are actually giving them a real command this time.
Just the utter confusion of the enemy mage. He and his compatriots started their day intending to hunt down some supposed enemies to their order, then they walk into what appears to be an orgy involving an Exaltant that devolves into a fight, and when he teleports from one part of the fight into another with a monstrous nude undead lady on the ground, a horse poking through a smashed door, and a werewolf holding a flaming scythe almost in his face, all he can do is scream, "What the fuck is going on?!?! Who are you?!"
- And then the horse barges in and dislocates his shoulder with a kick, leaving him screaming in pain and disbelief.
- And finally to top it all off, his last-ditch escape attempt has him crashing through the kitchen window to sprawl on the ground in agony, and then the werewolf jumps out, impales him with the scythe, picks him up with it, and chucks him back inside.

Episode 45: Ominous Lectures

Taliesin is back after being absent for two weeks, and is immediately caught off guard when Matt gets to the orgy part of the recap.
Taliesin: I leave for one— okay.
Matt: Welcome back, Taliesin!
Taliesin: What is wrong with you people?
Sam: We lost our moral compass, apparently.
Taliesin: That is the most horrifying thing I've ever heard you say. We're in such trouble.
Imogeon sends a message to Ashton. Ashton responds very snarkily asking where they are instead of telling them where he is.
- The reason the group took a long rest last episode was to allow Imogen to regain her sorcery points, letting her recover a 3rd level spell slot to message Ashton with, meaning Ashton's terrible reply forced her to burn a 4th level slot. Taliesin immediately lets out a Big "YES!"
- Imogen's message back to Ashton opens with a loud, long-suffering sigh.
  Liam: Sigh is one word.
  Taliesin: Feels like five.
  - Imogen tells Ashton to meet them at the seminary. Despite having 25 words, and having forced her to burn a higher level slot, Ashton's reply is just "Okay."
    Imogen: I'm gonna murder them.
Ashton shows up in a chef's outfit, with a Glamour on, beaten up and covered in so much food it takes Imogen multiple rounds of Prestidigitation to get him clean. The story of what happened is as insane as can be expected from Ashton, involving accidentally telling an old contact of his a bunch of incriminating information and agreeing to do a job in exchange for her silence, robbing a mob boss's house, kidnapping his Kenku "living ledger", being captured by the mobsters and waking up tied up in the kitchen, and an attempt at torturing them for information before the Sentries bust the door down and raid the place. The best part is when he gets to the end and eagerly describes how his witness statement got him some favors from the Sentries, only to realize mid-description that he was under a glamour at the time, meaning they owe a favor to a false identity he can never use again.
Then as the group recap to Ashton they had tried to stage an orgy, he looks between everyone and is clearly wondering what he missed out on.
At the end of his meeting with Professor Vitro, F.C.G. makes one small request: to have what's essentially an Easy Bake Oven installed in his stomach. Vitro, who had previously warned that F.C.G.'s power core could level a building if it is messed with, immediately and excitedly gets to work.
- Laura has not forgotten Sam's dirty mind.
  Laura: Why did I think you were gonna ask for some sort of...
  Sam: Teledildonic device?
  Laura: Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I thought it was gonna be.
  Sam: That would be on brand.
- Matt grows increasingly uncomfortable as Sam explains what a teledildonic device is (it's a sex toy you control over the internet), and quickly tries to continue the scene. He's midway through his first sentence when Marisha utters the words "Fresh light", at which point Matt pauses to yell "Stop it!"
After Ashton, Orym and Chetney spot Ludinus leaving the building, they try to intimidate the desk clerk into letting them in. Orym gives her "the nicest intimidation possible", Ashton threatens her with a spoon that is covered in either tomato sauce or blood, and Chetney starts carving her likeness into his own chest, whereupon Ashton smacks him on the tit.
Chetney tries to pick up Ludinus's "old man scent", asking if he smells any Icy Hot or old man colognes. He rolls a 5 on Perception, and the party rules that Ashton still smells so strongly of garlic that it covers any other smells in the room.
Orym/Liam, in deference to F.C.G., jokingly describes the world as flat. Matt and the cast are very unamused, and Ashton gives Orym a rock-handed Dope Slap.
Taliesin: 19 to hit. Not kidding.
[...]
Ashton: (whacks Orym) Knock it off.

Episode 46: Night at the Ligament Manor

After reading the Persona games ads, Sam just drops the controller while having his hands on his forehead chuckling, Matt noting "The layers of meta," and it being a good reminder of when they started their careers (and that's not even including both Travis and Sam being in those games as well), and Laura has her head on Ashley's shoulder.
While Laura's busting out her Rise voice, Taliesin was caught off-guard (he's already heard Liam's Akihiko voice while they were playing Persona 3 on Critical Role's EverythingIsContent show before) that he had to cover his mouth.
At the end of Laura's promotion for the new Trinket slippers, Taliesin asks "Why have bare feet when you can have... bear feet?" The entire cast starts groaning before he can even finish.
Marisha: I can't believe we didn't think of that sooner!
Taliesin: I can't believe you let me say it out loud.
Imogen realizes she never filled the rest of the Hells in on what they learned in the Seminary, and proposes they have a long talk later where they fill everyone in.
F.C.G.: But we already know from metagaming...
Fearne: What's that?
Travis: That's Nana's third face.
When Morrie is asked what her favorite item in her collection is, she says it's the heart of the lion guard. Without missing a beat:
Laura and Sam: Hevi kabisa...
- Travis remarks that Ronin will watch this one day in the future and tearfully say "Kion?"
Morrie reveals she has another face... on her stomach. Fearne affectionately calls the stomach "Tummy Nana".
In reference to Ashton's kitchen-based offscreen adventures, Sam has decorated his flask with a fake poster of Ashton in a chef's outfit with the words "Bells Hell's Kitchen" above him.
Taliesin: I love you.
Fearne showing the group around and takes them to her room. Ashley notes that the curtains are made from flesh, greatly grossing out her friends.
Fearne: It's fine. I painted them.
- In the garden, there are bushes in the forms of people. Fearne assures her friends it's a normal topiary she cut as a hobby. Matt lets the table know the party can hear low gasps and groans.
When the group first meets Dr. Nesbitt, FCG, already afraid of birds, starts a Reactive Continuous Scream with Nesbitt before eventually trying to use their saw blade on the talking bird. Ashton can be seen grabbing FCG's saw blade arm while Fearne stands between the robot and the bird.
- Mister likewise shows that he isn't fond of Nesbitt, as his immediate response is to draw his gun and try and deck the bird the second he lands on Fearne's shoulder.
- In reaction to this, Chetney just starts placing bets on who'd win: the owl or Mister.
Laudna: I mean I don't know. The owl is on its home turf, so I'll take that bet.
Dr. Nesbitt gets distracted at seeing a worm and flies to snatch it up. It ends up being FCG's "hair" and he yells at the bird to get off of him.
Fearne assuring Dr. Nesbitt she didn't replace him with Mister, and Chetney yells, "That's not what I heard". Fearne hushes him and assures Dr. Nesbitt she can "love a lot".
Everyone immediately points out how Dr. Nesbitt sounds similar to Mr.Owl.
Imogen asks Dr.Nesbitt if he's aware of a large undead bird that keeps coming back to life. Cue Ashton, who was absent from the entire Shithead reveal, looks at the others in utter confusion.
FCG gets spotted by the enemy and immediately blows it with the first sentence out of their mouth.
FCG: Don't shoot! We're friendly-
Ashley: We?!
- FCG then tries to overcompensate by claiming they refer to themselves using the "royal we".
Imogen rolls low on attacking their enemies. The table jokes that because the enemies are centaurs, Imogen wouldn't want to hurt them.
Laura, Marisha, and Ashley were trying to plan their attack only for them to realize too late that there's only one centaur left on the field. Ashley at first didn't want to kill the dude but decided to roll two more times while telling said centaur to run (because she's casting Scorching Ray) to the laughter of the cast. And when all three hit, the poor centaur ended up suffering 65 points of damage from Imogen's Witchbolt (which she had to spend a Sorcery Point to double the distance of her attack), Laudna's two Eldritch Blasts, and Fearne's Scorching Ray. For context, the centaur's hit points doesn't even reach 20.
After the battle, Laura realizes that by using her Sorcery Point, "her shard went off". She ended up rolling a 63 that ended up exhaling a Fog Cloud from Imogen's mouth and is always constantly on for an hour. But when she shuts her mouth, Matt describes it as though her mouth starts bloating.

Episode 47: The Fey Key

Laudna shifts Pate into a bird and sends him ahead to scout. He shifts in the most disturbing way possible, prompting groans from the rest of the group, and when Laudna tries to throw him like a paper airplane, he immediately falls to the ground.
Matt introduces a new creature called an Eremad, a massive, dog-like beast with a black hole where its face should be. Taliesin gets very excited and announces he'll be writing some poetry about that later — the rest of the episode is interspersed with the rest of the cast thinking of increasingly terrible phrases that rhyme with the word "Eremad".
Chetney runs a distraction by shifting into his wolf form and getting one of the guards to chase him. The guard does, briefly, but gives up after deciding that Chetney is not worth his time. Chetney immediately starts whimpering like a kicked dog.
Chetney: (howls)
Imogen: Oh no, Chet got caught!
Chetney: (howling sobs)
Imogen: Oh. Chet got embarrassed.
While breaking into the keep that holds the Malleus Key, Bells Hells use the portable hole in the most cartoony way possible, after distracting one guard away from the post they banish the other and the lay the portable hole on the ground under the door. They use the hole to go under the door and then cancel the banishment causing the guard to return and simply fall into the hole, Wile E Coyote style before the simply folding up the hole trapping him before he can raise the alarm.
At about 2 hours in, Laura says she needs to pee really bad, which the group reacts to as if Imogen also needed to go. Sam suggests that they cast Piss Without A Trace.
Ashton keeps pulling more and more Noodle Implements out from their offscreen kitchen adventures. This time it's a whole tub of pasta dough, which they nicked along with a bunch of other food items. The dough is used to plug up a lock.
Travis: Is it still malleable, though?
Taliesin: It's in a container man, I'm not a savage.

Episode 48: An Exit Most Fraught

Chetney goes to try the alerting horn that only the people he chooses can hear. Liam's phone goes off and the table joke that the horn sounded really weird.
Just as everyone is prepared to get through the portal ASAP, Marisha hurriedly reminds the group of Morri's advice to smear mud on their forehead and cheeks. Remembering her warning that lest they do as she says, they'd likely pop out of the Fey Realm 1000 years into the future. Everyone immediately panics as they swipe mud across themselves.
The Hells interactions and payments for the tollkeeper. He grabs each of them after their gifts satisfy him and tosses them through the portal like he was tossing out garbage.
- Ashton is surprisingly quick to come up with a rhyme and offers up the porcelain thimble that he stole from Fearne early on.
Fearne: (beat) Wait a minute? Wait. Hang on a minute.
- Laura has a hard time coming up with a rhyme, and her first gift with the pot holder failed. When she finally has one, she barely passes the tollkeeper's rhyming rules.
Liam: Have we found Bailey's Achille's Heel?
Laura: In my brain I had a better rhyme 'til I started talking!
- Orym gifts an oil lamp, to which the tollkeeper simply eats. He then yoinks Orym up, holding his head like a basketball and tosses him through the gate.
- After Laudna gifts her item, the tollkeeper compliments her style, but calls the other Hells crappy.
- Chetney offers a rocking horse.
Tollkeeper: I like this horse you offer me. Better handled with a tweezer. I think it's time you went a head, you little stupid geezer.
- Fearne messes up on creating a rhyme, leading the creature to grow larger. He then suggests that he could take Mister's new gun as an exchange if she had nothing else to offer.
Fearne: (quietly) You wouldn't dare.
- Ashley sifts through her list of items in a panic. When she finally offers up a gold skull key to the tollkeeper she rhymes this:
Fearne: Here, I have a simple gold skeleton key. But I must tell you, it's not good of a present as me.
Sam: Are you giving him your body?
- FCG asks Chetney to drop a beat and beat boxes to the tollkeeper before presenting his gift.
FCG: (being tossed) Wiggy-wiggy scratch!
Just as the tollkeeper tosses Fearne through the portal, he turns to the bird and yells, "You weren't invited!"
Matt describing the day trip for the Hells before pointedly looking at Sam and saying this:
Matt: The rotation, of Exandria, as a sphere.

Episode 49: The Aurora Grows

Orym continues to double down on Exandria being flat, to everyone else's dismay.
Taliesin: (heavy sigh) Give me strength...
Matt: I can make a Meteor Swarm anytime, Liam.
Ashley is very dismayed at the quality of her notes.
Ashley: I just have "Orgreo, mobster. Doesn't have a leg, but has a Kenku?" I don't know what that means.
Orym pulls out the Sending Stone to message Dorian. Liam demonstrates this by picking up his half-eaten cookie.
Taliesin: You've been really going at that stone.
Laura: (as Imogen) Orym, that's a cookie.
(Liam takes a bite)
Travis: No, your beautiful teeth! Oh, god!
Taliesin: Takes out the edible. Contacts the Feywild.
Liam: (into the cookie) Dorian...
(everyone corpses)
FCG believing EVERYTHING because of that coin and then asking “Are you good?” “Are you neutral?” “Are you bad?” and the answers being “no” “no” “yes” is the funniest way this could have gone.
FCG revealing he has an internal oven and bakes when he's "aroused"? Disturbing, yet amusing. Imogen (but really Laura) asking, "Why are these cookies so salty?" HILARIOUS!
Liam: Hi, 20-year-old Ronin!
Travis: 2039, he's gonna be like, "Mom, what the fuck?"
As the Hells discuss gathering allies, Fearne (played by Ashley) makes sure to mention that the cleric they met in Whitestone seemed very powerful.
The Hells invite Ira to join them in their great battle and he agrees. Once Ira appears on the Silver Sun, the entire crew look like they're trying not to shit themselves.
As a bird prepares to attack her midair, Fearne chooses to polymorph it - into a goldfish. The table breaks out into laughter while Travis temporarily leaves the table.
Travis: Have we learned nothing??
- Thankfully, the windstorm is so strong it just blows the bird-goldfish away. Liam jokes half a mile away a family is out camping and suddenly a goldfish crash lands near them.
Marisha: (raising a fist in the air) Vindication! For the fucking goldfish!

Episode 50: Red Moon Rising

Fearne manages to steal Ira's eyeglass when he was busy speaking to FCG. Later on, the Hells ask Ira for an update on how close they were. He calmly responds he seems to have misplaced his eyeglass and Fearne slowly takes it out to return it. Ira is then suddenly up in Fearne's face, with her calmly saying he dropped it. Ira for the most part is very amused by this.
Chetney breaking it to Xandis that they may have to crash the Silver Sun, but promises them they'd get a new ship in return. Matt notes the "eye twitch" Xandis has at hearing this information.
Xandis: You're saying... you want me to crash my baby?
Fearne then offers to be the one to steer the ship when they were ready, and Xandis allows her to steer to see how she would do. Ashley rolls low and after nearly flipping the ship, Xandis runs back and takes control at the helm.
As the group prepare to split off into their groups, Ashton runs over to Fearne and hugs her, a heartwarming gesture from someone who Hates Being Touched... only to immediately get caught trying to pickpocket her.
Fearne: (cheerfully) What are you looking for?
Ashton: ... Something personal and irreplaceable?
- Fearne decides to give Ashton a kiss on the head.
  Ashton: Well fuck, now that's just really hard to steal back, isn't it?
  Fearne: Well, you asked for something... What did you ask for again?
When Laudna got the HDYWTDT on the Warder, it was done through a Shocking Grasp delivered by Pate, meaning this was technically his first kill.
- What's even more funny is what Pâté says as she throws him.
Pâté: Here I come little guy- big guy!
After managing to sneak into the Ruby Vanguard's compound, Bells' Hells run into Beau and Caleb from The Mighty Nein. Orym uses Know Your Enemy to do a check on both of their class levels; Matt just replies "Higher than yours."
Ashley is giddy hearing that Beau was around and Travis immediately says she should get Beau with Fearne. Ashley giggles back that she was already on it.
Travis: Maybe you can have two different characters, y'know, [grunts and flails his arms about in a vaguely suggestive manner]
Ashley: Oh, it's already happening up here. It's fun times.
Travis: Be disloyal with yourself.
- Ashley sounds like she's really hoping to meet Beau as Fearne.
Ashley: I am so jealous! I would have flirted so hard!
The table keep pestering Matt if the "dirt wizard" was with Beau and Matt looks around saying they don't see a dirt wizard. When Caleb does appear, Liam jokes Caleb "Just crawled out of a big pile of shit."
- It's also worth noting that as soon as Caleb appears, Liam jumps out of his chair and throws himself onto the ground out of sheer excitement.
Chetney keeps antagonizing Beau with her getting incredibly close to just decking Chetney right then and there.
Chetney: She looks like an asshole.
It's revealed that Beau and Caleb were part of the team trying to take out the Malleus Key in the Shadowfell, but didn't succeed in destroying it before having to flee.
Imogen: Should've blown it up. We blew ours up.
Beau: Yeah, well maybe it's because you blew yours up that we had a hard time with ours.
Chetney: I'm sure that's what it was.
Beau: You shut the fuck up, Wolfie.
Before leaving, Caleb tosses Chetney a Sending stone. Chetney catches it in his mouth and eats it.
Caleb: If you have an important bit of information... wait about eight hours.
- Immediately after, Chetney hacks the stone back up and hands it to Laudna, who picks it up between two fingers and wipes it on her dress.
Just like in Campaign 2, Caleb's Gratuitous German results in a Mondegreen Gag.
Imogen: Out of curiosity, do you, per chance, have the ability to heal people?
Caleb: Nein.
Orym: Just nine of us?
Caleb: (while Matt corpses) There's only seven of you...
Chetney: We lost two on the way over.

Episode 51: The Apogee Solstice

The sponsor for this episode is Octopath Traveler II. Sam reads the ad script like an old-school made-for-TV product's infomercial, including saying that the video game cleans stains off your T-shirts and slices up your vegetables, along with very badly-imposed visual effects on the screen. At the end of the ad-read, Matt says that he is legally obligated to tell you that Octopath Traveler II can't actually clean stains or cut vegetables.^Explanation
As F.C.G. and Fearne are getting ready to leave, Ira leans in close and whispers to F.C.G. that the Malleus Key looks like it's missing a lens, just like the one Ashton smashed. Taliesin looks incredibly smug.
Travis: Don't fucking act like— (wheeze)
Taliesin: All part of the plan!
Orym is not happy that Fearne and F.C.G. ditched the ship.
Orym: What's going on with Xandis?!
Fearne: Xandis and Ira are taking care of it! The two of them are gonna do it.
F.C.G.: The two of them are actually getting along great! They have a lot in common, they both live in the now.
Orym: Ira's a fey sociopath!
F.C.G.: [...] (gestures to Fearne) Hey, watch who you're calling a fey sociopath in front of, y'know?
Orym: She's our fey sociopath!
In an otherwise incredibly bleak episode, at one point the topic of Pate's nuts comes up, or rather, how big they are. The cast is a bit dumbfounded but Laura brings up that they're probably pretty big since rats have large nuts, much to Travis' absolute confusion as he wonders why she knows that, and she explains she's raised hamsters which have large nuts. The ultimate conclusion is that Pate still has his nuts, since Laudna didn't remove them, but they're definitely old and shriveled.
Pate: May not be the proudest of raisins, but they're my raisins.
Laura's lost her voice for this episode, so when Imogen tries contacting FCG psychically while he and Fearne are in a dust storm, he doesn’t recognize the voice and immediately assumes a demon is trying to contact him, with him and Fearne trying to dispel the voice.
FCG inhabiting a robot near Ryn tries to go over and lift her up. He instead knocks down some large slabs of stone instead that end up crushing Ryn beneath it. When everyone turns to look at FCG, they hold two rocks in their hands and give a confused shoulder shrug. Surprisingly, he manages to deceive most of the people around him.
- Even better, he manages to fool the generals standing not too far away, as they all rolled low enough to not connect FCG's antics with the multiple sabotage attempts that occurred in the past hour.
Sam's gas can has a bingo sheet for possible cameos, with options ranging from probable, such as Keyleth and Beau, to utterly impossible, such as Molly. But what makes it hilarious is how one of the squares says "Vax", likely as a joke since he was famously the first player character to be killed, but Vax actually shows up.

Funny / Critical Role Approaching Apogee

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Funny / Critical Role Approaching Apogee

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