Critical Role The Sands And The Boughs / Funny

Critical Role 's funny moments
Campaign 1 (Vox Machina): 1-23 | 24-38 | 39-83 | 84-99 | 100-115
Campaign 2 (The Mighty Nein): 1-25 | 26-47 | 48-69 | 70-91 | 92-112 | 113-141
Campaign 3 (Bell's Hells): 1-22 | 23-38 | 39-51 | 52-64 | 65-80 | 81-
Critical Role One-Shots

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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Episode 23: To The Skies

NordVPN is the sponsor again, but instead of a new sketch, Matt is given a VHS tape that's just a copy of one of the past episodes, but from Ashley's point of view, with all her Internal Monologue heard loud and clear - leading to the disturbing reveal that "Setty" had possessed her the whole time.
The first thing Bells Hells does is spend a gratuitous amount of time testing the Portable Hole and all its properties. Turns out it CAN act as a murder weapon - not only is it an airtight space when not in use, it could also Portal Cut. Not to be deterred, the Hells immediately start decorating the inside of it so it can function as a living space.
Travis: Xhorhaus to this.
Laura: (mock-excited) Look, we have a hole!
Marisha: Caleb's magnificent tower to...
Sam: Bells' Hole!
- Ashton does have some reservations about it.
  Ashton: Sleeping in a thing where if someone picks it up and closes it we will all slowly suffocate and die is...
  Orym: We're gonna post guards outside of it.
  Ashton: I mean, I'm not gonna say I haven't done dumber shit in my life, but that's—
  Orym: [Chetney]'s got the horn!
  Ashton: He's gonna die on his own though! Like, any night!
Chetney goes back to antagonize the woman who sold him his chisels for not selling her wares at a fair price. He does this by sneaking into her store, turning into his werewolf form and terrifying her, as well as slashing her shoulder. You can just see Travis chewing the scenery as Chetney is in werewolf form, warning the woman to keep her wares at a fair price. Then as he prepares to leave, Chetney makes a run for the door with Laura joking how funny it would be if Chetney didn't roll high enough to break through the door. Chetney rolls a seven. After charging at the door, Chetney bounces off it with a yelp, ruining his dramatic exit. He awkwardly shakes it off and turns back to ask for the key to the door.
Chetney gives Orym his gift, a beautiful carved wooden box with a big moon and a little moon on the lid. Before that though, he shows off his first gift (a moon-shaped bowl), but declares it to be dogshit and throws it away. Once Imogen shows interest in the bowl, Chetney loudly insults it more... at which point Matt butts in to say that the conversation is all in character, and Travis should say some nice things about the person whose Etsy page he got the bowl from.
As the Bell's Hells arrive at the ship, they're warned that the ship doesn't tolerate bullshit and they have thrown people off of the ship before. Fearne asks how many and they reply twenty people. Orym makes an insight check and the captain breaks out into laughter saying they were just kidding.
- Captain Xandis has a very... distinctive accent.
  Sam: Oh hi Mark!
- The crewmate and the captain keep pulling the Hells legs as they make up stories and jokes just to mess with them.
The chef awkwardly comes out to greet the group and then immediately runs back to the kitchen.
After Orym is saved by Imogen flying off the ship, he's left awkwardly giggling once they touch down back on the ship. After thanking Laudna and Imogen, he staggers off to the side and promptly throws up.
Chetney tries to leap down from the top deck, over the main brumestone chunk, to the quarter deck. However, he rolls terribly on his acrobatics check, and slips backwards off the brumestone and falls into some barrels. Afterwards, as the Hells are asking eachother about the new powers they seem to have developed (Laudna's Silvery Barbs spell, Imogen's flight, and Ashton's ability to summon portals), F.C.G. asks Chetney about his magnetic attraction to barrels.
The group discuss Imogen's new flight ability and theorize that she just needed a strong trigger to activate it. Cue Ashton commenting that Imogen probably could've unlocked this skill earlier if they had dropped her from one of the gondolas.
After a heartwarming conversation about Imogen's dreaming, FCG starts to talk about Exandria being flat. Imogen tries unsuccessfully to persuade him before they agree to talk to a scientist.

Episode 24: The Hellcatch Valley

During one of the promos, Matt accidentally reads the word "Aurora" as "Ayrara". Twice. The table breaks down.
In order to alert the caravan below, Chetney attempts to blow the horn they got. Matt describes the sound and notes that Chetney may have gotten ripped off.
Chetney: Another name to add onto the list...
After the stone incident, Laudna awkwardly tries to apologize to Imogen. She cuts her off with a curt "no", which leave Laudna to awkwardly hang around with nothing else to say.
A Dex Save throw for Chetney and Ashton results in Ashton getting pierced by harpoons. He casually shrugs it off.
- Later on he even lampshades it when the group seems to have forgotten that he's currently impaled.
Ashton: It's okay, I didn't want to interrupt anything.
When they get off the ship, Fearne successfully steals a spyglass with a nat 20. The chat was already groaning at the idea.
Sam reveals his gas can art: a chart that predicts Imogen’s BBEG with the moon and Laudna as one of the options. To everyone's surprise, Laura and Taliesin start throwing magnetic darts at it. Matt just groans at the absurdity.
- The first time Sam reveals the gas can, Marisha actually doesn't get a good look at it, the next time he takes a sip, when a majority of the darts have landed on Laudna's name does Sam show her.
Marisha: Noo! Why is my name on there (tries to move them of Laudna's name)
Sam: You know why bitch!
When discussing where Treshi could be hiding, Ashton tries to figure out which inns he knows about in the southern half of Bassuras. Matt smugly tells him he knows of one place in the South Dregs, and Ashton seems ridiculously embarrassed by it, hardly even daring to bring it up to the group. Turns out it's a shitty theme restaurant called "A Taste Of Tal'Dorei".
Ashton: It's been a while, but I remember being just embarrassed for even being myself every time I went in there. [...] There are things I will answer about this place, there are things that I want to keep secret that I will let you know about what they are. This is one thing that I don't think I could describe accurately.
- The rest of the Hells immediately assume Ashton is embarrassed because he used to work there, even though he vehemently denies it, and try to guess what his job was. Laudna excitedly asks him if he was a cliff-diver.
F.C.G. uses Command on a gnoll to make it "Monologue". Then it's conveniently restrained by vines. By the time its turn comes up, there's literally nothing it can do but lament its fate... which draws applause.
As the episode aired live, Erika Ishii tweeted several tweets (and an Instagram story) that consisted of gremlin-like “hehehehe” laughing, and claimed that “they suspect nothing”. This was retweeted and followed up by Matt with similar laughter. Then, onstream, the chat and cast erupts in delight as Matt invites Erika to join the table, and viewers at home realized what the laughter was for.
During the fight, Imogen proceeds to use wild magic and Matt asking Laura to roll for an effect. Cue Imogen losing all of her hair with Matt commenting Imogen was like a cue ball.
Laudna: It's not bad! It happens to me all the time, look!! (pulls out her hair from her scalp)
- Laura screaming in horror, "I Fjorded myself?!"
- Chetney is kind enough to toss his cap over to Imogen who immediately pulls the cap tight over her now bald head. Once the battle is over, Fearne tries to salvage Imogen's hair into a wig.
Laudna goes up to the last bandit who's wearing metal armor and proceeds to do Shocking Hands on him. Matt informs Marisha this is a HDYWTDT, but Laudna is too tired to even care.
Laudna: Just.... It's been a real shit day. (zaps the guy)
Dusk apologizing for not being of much use and saying they were usually more capable in battle. Matt asks for an athletics for them to get down from the building, and Dusk then falls ten feet from the building after a low roll.

Episode 25: A Taste of Tal'Dorei

The merch update includes a shirt for the First Knight of Avalir...which wasn't ready at the time of the recording, which leads to Laura miming holding a shirt up while a graphic cutout of it floats in front of her and everyone acts impressed. Sam tells her to flip it upside down and Ashley asks to try it on, which only makes makes the warping of the image more obvious.
Matt's recap is a little slap-happy as he forgets Dorian's name and calls him "that one", tries to channel Brennan's ambience of the past month by declaring "Fire" before bursting into giggles, and jokingly saying he needs to throw in the towel.
The Taste of Tal'Dorei is as cheesy as one would hope, with Dusk cheering during the performance. The patrons who have visited frequently can only roll their eyes and keep to their meals. The hammy acting in particular has to be seen to be believed.
- Ashton eventually begins to warm up to the place, and begrudgingly admits that he did kind of miss it. Orym is... less enthused.
  Orym: (hands Dusk's sword back) Take this back before I kill myself.
Laudna suggests Imogen could use her psychic powers to help Dusk and Fearne find Fearne's parents. FCG tries to pipe up that he can do the same things, and Laudna keeps shutting him down.
Lauda: Imogen is very gifted, very capable at peering into one's minds and thoughts and -
FCG: I mean I'm no slouch either, but -
Laudna: And Fresh Cut Grass too. But Imogen -
FCG: I mean I'm equally as gifted -
Laudna: is just so talented (and he's also here)!
- Sam trolls Laura when Imogen is showing her powers to Dusk. She gets so fed up at one point she tosses her pen at Sam.
Sam: We can tell she's talking to someone in her mind because her eyes cross.
Laura: Alright. Alright, no.
Sam: That's canonically what happens.
Laura: You do not have a flesh tongue and I do not cross my eyes!
Fearne bargains for the music box on the ceiling, in exchange for a chipped tea cup she "bought" that has Vex's visage on it.
- Then she asks Chetney to carve the names of her parents onto the box. Cue Chetney occasionally asking her how their names were spelled, and cursing when Fearne informs him they're spelled with "ie" and not "y".
Dusk: Why is there an "X" in their name?
Chetney: It builds character!!
Laudna ventures into the gift shop with FCG to discuss her falling out with Imogen a few episodes ago. After getting advice from him, she still panics and wonders if she should get Imogen gifts too.
Laudna: Which one of these wooden swords do you think she'd want?
FCG: She doesn't strike me as a replica sword -
Laudna: What about this oven mitt?
FCG: An oven mitt? Everyone can use that.
Laudna: It could hide her hands or keep them warm...
FCG: Does she cook?
Laudna: Nnn I don't think so.
FCG: Well it's still nice. It says "T.o.T." on it.
Laudna: What do you think that means?
FCG:...Taste of Tal'Dorei.
Laudna: Oh right.
FCG: It says "T.o.T. Holder" right there.
- While this is happening, Imogen has a similar conversation about her feelings with Orym in their heads, which involves plenty of her shouting and then apologizing and complaining about her lack of hair. And the face journey Marisha has during this is delightful. Aside from placing her book on her head and shrinking in her chair, she starts building a barrier.
- Orym later picks Imogen up a t-shirt that says "Whitestone is for Lovers", which is hilarious because a) Laura's past character Vex now lives there and b) Laudna used to live there. Laudna basically spirals for the rest of the episode because she thinks she bought Imogen the wrong apology gifts.
Chetney gifts Fearne the music box and she asks him how she can repay him. Chetney pauses for a bit before saying they could hash out the details later.
F.C.G. expresses his desire to be able to experience the world as the rest of the party such as smelling, tasting, dreaming, and farting. The party does agree that farting is magical, and anyone who says they don't like it is lying.
The Hells forget General Ratanish's name, and decide to just call him variations of "the guy who kicked Ashton's ass". Every time this happens, Ashton grumbles under his breath that it was a close call, and that he could definitely have beaten him.
Fearne decides to do a solo mission on her own.
Imogen: I don't see how going on your own would cause any problem.
Ashley has Fearne take the form of a quokka, but learning from last time, asks Matt if she would turn back into her fawn form if she were to take damage. He confirms it.
- Imogen and Dusk go full Cuteness Proximity when Fearne approaches them as a quokka. Imogen coos over her for a solid minute before remembering what she was supposed to be doing, and Dusk is completely frozen with an expression of shocked awe across their face.
  Matt: Dusk.exe has stopped working.
- Marisha tries to google whether or not quokkas burrow. She doesn't find that answer, but she does learn that quokkas defend themselves against predators by throwing their babies at them.^note
- The guards catch Fearne, but with how adorable she looks as a quokka, they immediately coo over her. The soldier who finds her claims Fearne as her own. On name suggestions, one says to call Fearne "Killer", while the guard who found her decides on calling her "Fuzz Bottom".
- At the meta level, the guys even predict that Google searches for "quokka" are about to shoot up. The numbers don't lie.
Matt has a character named Mick Hunts being called over. However, when Matt says it aloud, it sounds like "Mike Hunt," and it causes everyone to burst out laughing. Matt seethes and says it was spelled differently in his head.
Matt: All NPC's are now named David.
- Then he integrates it in-universe; at his name being yelled out, the NPC glowers at all his snickering comrades and frustratedly shouts out, "Just call me Mick!"
Quokka Fearne is taken to the guard's barracks and hears the door being locked.
Ashley: I take a nap.
- The way a new guard finds Fearne, looks around the empty room and takes her, declaring, "You're mine now."
Laudna sends Dusk a message and then asks her to hold. Dusk hums some elevator music before Laudna messages her again, but is just as quickly put back on hold.
Imogen notes during planning that soon she will not be able to talk to Fearne, who tells Imogen not to stress. The latter immediately has a brief Thousand-Yard Stare.
The expectant look on Sam's face when Dusk outright asks Imogen if she and Laudna were romantically together. After a long pause, Imogen answers "no", causing Sam to slump in slight disappointment. Marisha's heroic attempts to keep a straight face are a journey as well.
Ashton senses something off with Laudna and asks her what's wrong. Laudna immediately descends into loud, melodramatic Inelegant Blubbering and collapses into their arms as she tearfully tells them that she broke Imogen's rock. Ashton sounds both sympathetic and like they'd rather be literally anywhere else.
- During their conversation, Laudna throws out constant apologies for getting black snot and tears all over Ashton's jacket.
  Ashton: It's seen worse. Really, it has. (Beat; glances down) Oh, maybe not. Fuck.
- Ashton offers some advice for making things up to someone you pissed off, which he knows because he's pissed off literally everyone he's ever met.
  Ashton: Maybe we should focus on an apology related to the offense, if that makes sense.
  Laudna: I should prostrate myself on the ground.
  Ashton: No.
  Laudna: On top of a spiky rock.
  Ashton: I mean—
  Laudna: Let her step on me.
  Ashton: I'm not gonna tell you not to do that because that would be kinda cool, but no.
The Bell's Hells once again have to come up with a plan.
- F.C.G. seems hellbent on wanting to steal a vehicle, that he says he will not be along for any plan that doesn't involve them getting their own ship.
- Dusk has to be the voice of reason among the Hells and point out how complicated some of their plans are going.
Forging the letter to Treshi doesn't go well for anyone except Orym. Ashton, who rolled a 6, just drew a bunch of dickbutts on his.

Episode 26: Hidden Truths

Sam's ad this week is for Shopify, and claims to be selling different items with horrifying pictures of Ashley printed on them. She gets him back by advertising her revenge pies, which she shoves in his face.
- Erika has a taste of the pie from off of Sam's face and discovers that it was actually shaving cream.
Marisha throughout the episode is twisting and pushing her hair up in distress, making her head look like a bird's nest. It gets so frizzy to the point Taliesin worries it's not actually good for her hair.
Matt asks everyone but Erika to leave the table. Cue the others joking that Erika was in trouble as she pleads for no one to leave her alone with Matt. After looking frantically at the departing party with hilariously over-the-top panicked expressions, they even clung to Travis' hands, yelling "Don't leave!" as he walks away from the table!
F.C.G. telling Imogen he watches her when she sleeps. Not in a weird way. He then comments about how everyone else sleeps, concluding that Imogen is the most normal out of everyone else.
- Laudna asleep, somehow looks even more dead than usual.
- Orym apparently toots in his sleep.
- Chetney whimpers in his sleep and his leg twitches like a dog.
- Dusk talks in their sleep. Apparently they're having tea with a monkey, asking for two lumps and noting the smell of fresh scones.
Orym wakes up, sneaks over to Fearne and manages to successfully retrieve Captain Xandis's spyglass. He then proceeds to wake Fearne up by doing crunches and using her legs for it.
Fearne: Ugh, what?
Orym: Five more minutes, just give me five more minutes.
- As Orym continues to work out in the background while the others talk, Laudna tells him he's making them all feel bad.
Orym: I don't have powers! This is all I have!
Laudna threatening Ashton's life should Imogen come back from his group harmed in anyway. Ashton remains calm and slightly indifferent as Laudna says she will bring Pate to life so he could eat Ashton's eyes out when he sleeps. It's just the amount of "fucks" Laudna drops that makes it seem like Ashton is certainly rubbing off on her.
- As Imogen leaves, she telepathically tells Laudna, "Had a dream. It was fucked up. I'll tell you later." As she walks off, the others joke about Laudna being left on read.
Chetney attempts to send everyone off with a hands in cheer and asks them to say what they wanted. As they break up, everyone's speech becomes garbled.
Chetney: We'll work on it.
F.C.G. goes to meet Dancer's ex, who recognizes the saw blade on his back, and asks if it was Pussy's. Cue a few at the table trying not to laugh.
- Dusk tries to teach F.C.G. how to break the bad news. They suggest an example, like talking about the weather, bringing up how someone's daughter died and then compliment the person's clothes. This method is called the "shit sandwich".
F.C.G. asks Esmer if she's sure she saw Dancer. Esmer suggestively moves her eyes as she says there's only one person who could do "that", so she's sure.
- When he asks if all they did was talk, Esmer laughs and admits they did more than just "talk".
Laudna and Orym partner up, with Orym disguising them as mother and son.
Orym: Call me Nancy.
Laudna: You don't look like a Nancy. I'll call you Georgie.
- Getting bored while they wait, Laudna sends a message to Orym asking him what kind of animal he'd want to be. Orym nearly freaks out but answers her. The last time Laudna messages him, Orym reacts too slowly to respond because he was still not used to Laudna's way of messaging.
  - When Laudna asks what animal Orym would be, Sam whispers "Uk'otoa".
Laudna and Orym spot Treshi walking out to take a smoke. Sam asks if he went out here because inside was a smoke-free zone, which Matt jokingly confirms.
Imogen's cold, bitten-off affect in this episode causes visible, instinctive reactions in Travis every single time.
Laura notices that Erika's hand is stained blue. Erika then stands up to reveal that she has broken her pen and is covered in ink.
Liam: You gotta be careful with Wild Magic.
Ashton continuously bangs on Joe's door until he opens up. After taking off all of the many locks, Ashton remarks that he wouldn't have been so insistent if Joe was going to answer that fast.
Joe's workshop is guarded by a couple of very bulky automata, which he has to hastily set into a kind of standby mode when the rest of the Hells arrive. Travis has some fun imagining how the automata would react to intruders.
Travis: (deep robotic voice) "You have five seconds to comply."
Imogen gets angry with Chetney for hoarding a bunch of money that he looted, which was supposed to be shared with the group. Chetney warns her about mouthing off.
Chetney: You're gonna have to be accountable for the words of your mouth!
Imogen: (telepathically) What about these words?
Chetney: That's nice hair, do you want to keep it this time?
Imogen: I think I look good bald. You don't scare me.
F.C.G. messages Laudna, but apparently wasn't used to it as he sends her a message via yelling. Laudna messages him back, complaining about the volume before asking why Imogen wasn't the one who messaged her. F.C.G. has to now listen to the voices in Laudna's messages and is quietly freaked out.
While the others are vehement against selling F.C.G., they still ask how much he'd be worth, hypothetically speaking.
Dusk points out it was F.C.G. who was insistent on the Hells getting a car in some way and how he wanted to drive it.
Sam: (beat) That was Sam speaking.
Fearne apparently forgot to tell the group she received postcards from her parents.
Everyone: From Aeor?!
Fearne: No! Just from everywhere!

Episode 27: A Race for the Prize

Sam's chalkboard this week reads, "0 Minutes Since Major Lore Drop". Cue him periodically writing on it throughout the episode, or erasing the number back down to zero when lore things happen.
At one point, Matt tries to sidestep the inevitable chorus of "making my way~" by phrasing someone as "making a path," only for the cast to sing "making a path~" anyway. Matt can only sigh in mild exasperation.
Once again Laura notices that someone at the table has stained fingers, and Sam reveals that he was the one who broke his pen this week.
Chetney claims to have done miming in his first century of life. Laura asks for an insight check, while Taliesin outright demands a performance check to see how good Chetney is at miming. Turns out: not very (Travis rolled a 4).
Imogen writes in Laudna's notebook, asking to talk. As Laudna rushes over, Dusk grabs her arm and nervously asks them out on a date. Laudna pauses for a while before realizing what Dusk was proposing. She gets so nervous and confused she hides behind her hair.
- Eventually, Laudna turns down Dusk and hands her the chunk of hair she accidentally pulled out.
Dusk: (beat) I've been left with worse.
Imogen and Laudna finally make up, but both decide to act like they still haven't as they call F.C.G. over to have a private conversation. Laudna's over the top acting is just icing on the cake.
Laudna: And this is what I think about your stupid rock!
- Believing the ruse, F.C.G. attempts to transfer Laudna's suffering onto himself and even casts calm emotions.
Ashton notices the ring on Laudna's finger and ask where she got it from. Laudna meekly mentions it was from Imogen.
Ashton: (smirking) She gave you a rock. So all is well.
Laudna: (blushing) Shut up!!
Ashton: I'm always right!
As they discuss F.C.G's faulty memories, F.C.G. asks if Imogen could talk to Delilah. It's just the Flat "What" the two women give before F.C.G. pivots towards asking about Dancer.
Imogen and Laudna note that F.C.G. seems to becoming paler, with F.C.G. saying that shouldn't be physically possible since he's metal.
- Ashton later notices and brings this up, with F.C.G. once again saying that shouldn't be possible. Equal parts hilarious and heartwarming is Ashton's Declaration of Protection towards F.C.G.
Ashton: You let me know, if anyone hurts you, I will fucking kill them. You hear me?
F.C.G. (slightly disturbed) A-alright, but please don't kill anyone.
Ashton: I will fucking kill them.
Dusk and Orym decide to spar with each other. Orym manages to outmaneuver Dusk a few times and slaps their ass with the wooden sword when he does. The crowd "Ooohs" in sympathy when one particular slap echoes throughout the air. Orym apologizes and attempts to fan the pain away.
- The cast loves it.
  Travis: You do not truly know someone until you fight them.
  Taliesin: Until you've tasted their wood.
After the sparring, Dusk seems to flirtatiously ask Orym if he was doing anything later that night. Orym gently turns Dusk down as he informs them he only likes men. He then awkwardly leaves them with the wooden sword and walks off. Taliesin jokes that she should make a little shadow box of weird rejection keepsakes.
Erika: My summer...
While the party is picking up their bomb, Fearne asks the shopkeep if they have a child-sized gun for Mister. It isn't until after she summons him that they remember that he's a flaming monkey in an explosives store.
- As the group panics, Liam tells them that he thought giving the monkey a gun was a bad idea even before they all remembered he was on fire.
  Liam: I've read that issue of Hellboy.
- Liam remarks that he hopes Percy's proud; Taliesin replies that Percy is just "spinning constantly, like it's generating electricity for all of Whitestone".
- As Ashley is rolling to persuade Esmer to give Mister a gun, Taliesin has a minor existential crisis.
  Taliesin: What have I done? What have I fucking done?
  Liam: You thought Ripley was bad.
  Taliesin: God fucking dammit. Nothing good has ever come from that decision.
As they talk to Ratanish, he asks for their names. Seeing as Tenvar calls himself "The Rake", the others decide to go with their own. Chetney calls himself "Chisel", Dusk goes with "Dusta" and Laudna calls herself "Nightmare".
Ashton: I know they're a weird group, but I've been making a lot of fucking money with them.
- When the group discuss why Tenvar tries to call himself "The Rake", Erika can be heard muttering, "Is he trying to make Rake happen?" Tenvar gets so frustrated trying to explain himself, he walks off yelling, "Fuck you!"
As Otohan turns to leave, Fearne says "Before she goes..." Everyone else immediately starts groaning and yelling in exasperation.
Taliesin: That is gonna be the phrase on my fucking tombstone.
As the Deathwish Run is about to start, several of the other participants are loudly trash-talking each other, with one being called "Fuckfork". Some onlookers then inform their companions that his name actually is "Erad Fuckfork".

Episode 28: The Deathwish Run

Chetney calls his bike the Buck Fucket.
As they prepare to ride out, everyone gets dressed up for the occasion. F.C.G. asks if he could have something drawn on his face, with Orym drawing on some angry eyebrows and teeth.
- Then there's the fact that F.C.G. is welded to the front of Laudna's vehicle for the entirety of the race. Cue him screaming in terror for a good majority of the race. Travis jokes that each time F.C.G. speaks, his voice should be wobbling and shaking the entire time.
Laudna believes the bike is sentient like F.C.G.
F.C.G.: Who's talkin' to me?!
Chetney decides mid-race to turn invisible and then changes into his werewolf form.
Sam: You're Night Rider?!
F.C.G. summoning his Spiritual Weapon as a ring of floating turtle shells to protect his vehicle.
F.C.G.: Because I was a turtle once. It's my favorite thing.
Laudna as she uses her Form of Dread and then summons forth bees out of her mouth. Needless to say, she thoroughly terrifies the driver she was aiming at.
Laura: Hello, bees!!
The Buck Fuckit gets covered by a net with Laudna unable to remove it. Travis jokes that FCG should try and eat the net.
Travis: Eat the net, FCG! Eat! The net!
After Chetney and Laudna switch positions so Chetney can fight, Sam remarks that FCG now doesn't even know who's driving.
Sam: I think it's Laudna, because the left blinker's been on for a while.
The cast continuing the joke of referring to Laudna as "Loud-na".
Marisha: As Loud-na loudly exclaims!
Sam is frustrated that he realizes he could have helped Laudna but already used up his turn. Matt hits Sam with the Price is Right sad trumpet theme.
Dusk crawls to an unconscious Laudna and manages to heal her back to consciousness. Laudna yelps when she realizes it was Dusk who brought her back and the two awkwardly turn their focus back onto the race.
While all of the chaos ensues, cut back to Fearne chilling with Mister and eating candy apples.
Fearne: That doesn't look very safe at all. I hope they make it!
Sam: "Wow, I'd hate to be in this race."
Fearne: So glad I'm not in this one.
Fearne attempts to help the group by laying out the hole. Unfortunately, Ashley rolls a Nat 1, causing Fearne to fall into the hole.
- Later on, as they hear Fearne calling out to them Ashton goes to look for her. Then Ashton falls into the hole next to Fearne. As he tries to help her out, he attempts to snatch another item off of her, which she notices.
Fearne: You can go ahead and take one!
Ashton: (huffing) Well, now I don't want it anymore! You took the fun out of it.
Laudna gets off her bike and wobbles over to make sure Imogen is okay, but she apparently forgot to do something:
F.C.G.: Chetney, Laudna left the bike in neutral, we're drifting!!
Chetney: Ashton!!
- Laudna is noticeably a little drunk as she was given free drinks from the audience.
- As everyone is celebrating, F.C.G. asks for help with the others belatedly realizing they forgot about him. When Imogen brings Laudna over for him to heal her, he has to awkwardly stretch his arm out to do so.
Fearne shows the group stuff she had stolen from the crowd — one of a lady's two blonde braids (leaving her with her other one), the candied apples, and a bunch of coins which she feeds to F.C.G.
- A Funny Background Event: Dusk and Chetney both receive a candy apple, and clink them together like wine glasses, only for them to get stuck to eachother. After they manage to pull them apart, Chetney visibly struggles to bite through his.
The Hells bring F.C.G. to Imahara Joe so they can get him unglued from the bike. Laura asks Matt if it was like the "perma-dick glue", causing some laughs at the table before Matt tells her this glue isn't as strong as that one.
Laudna and Dusk come to an understanding that Laudna isn't ready for that kind of relationship, with the two walking off with linked arms. Imogen looks at the two with a frown, and immediately Fearne asks if she'ss jealous. While Imogen denies this, Dusk and Laudna also link arms with Chetney, Fearne, and Imogen, and all of them walk off arm in arm.
- Imogen attempts to read Dusks's thoughts and gets nothing. While she's staring, Dusk is cheerfully singing with the others.
After the race, the party returns to Imahara Joe's, and F.C.G. gives him an important message:
Sam: Remember, you can be a D&D Beyond subscriber, and unlock exclusive monthly perks. I needed to say that at some point tonight, and I just did.
- Later, when Erika is whispering the results of Travis's Insight roll against Dusk, Sam laments that that was the perfect time to plug the sponsor.
Chetney asks Dusk if they have a hit out on the Calloways. He not only promises to keep their secret, he also wants in on it, so long as he gets some coin in exchange.
- Dusk later on goes to talk to Fearne, only to scream in confusion at why Chetney said what he said. Fearne tries to assure Dusk that Chetney was merely joking.
When Erika reveals that "Dusk" is actually a changeling, Sam is the only one at the table to not immediately realize what Dusk is because Erika didn't actually use the word. Several others immediately remind him that he had just played one.
Sam: I didn't look like that, did I?
- Erika excitedly standing in her chair, gesturing excitedly and even halfway onto the table at one point, and high-fiving Matt, all while cackling maniacally while the rest of the cast are in shock.

Episode 29: Dark Portents

This week's ad done by Sam's temporary substitute Sam Ryegel.
Sam continues his tradition of wearing the exact same clothes he wore in Campaign 2 every episode, which lands him in the hot pink, spiked bodysuit he wore during the live show that was episode 29 of Campaign 2.
Dusk reveals their true name, Yu Suffiad, but the way they go around it is slightly confusing.
Laudna: Who are you?
Yu: I am Yu. You are me.
- Yu still taking the time to flirt with Laudna by kissing her hand after showing their true form.
After reading Birdie's mind, Laura receives an incredibly long whisper, and is so shocked afterwards that she's unable to form a sentence. Erika promptly takes a picture of her wide-eyed expression.
Ashton being the one to suggest they all chill the fuck out and talk calmly. When Birdie is reluctant to explain herself, he has a sharp response.
Ashton: WE'RE ALL SITTING DOWN AND CHILLING THE FUCK OUT!
Birdie: You don't know what you're doing!!
Ashton: ELABORATE!!
Laudna asks Yu to stop fighting the Hell's and Birdie, but also feels conflicted over letting them go, since they would just kill Birdie. Yu takes on Imogen's form in response, with Marisha immediately noping from that.
Laudna: Okay, I don't like that, though. I don't like that.
The team is obviously very unsure on how to treat Yu after the reveal. Cue this unintentional Good Cop/Bad Cop dynamic with Orym and FCG.
Liam: Yu, you feel your own blade pressed into the small of your neck, and Orym's blade pressed against the small of your back.
Sam: You also heal four hit points.
While Yu is captured, Fearne makes to take some of their items. Then while they're at it, they take the fifty feet of rope Yu also had.
Yu attempts to shift into the handsome half-elf again, which Orym replies with a "hard pass". Laudna mutters that she wasn't special, with Yu trying to flirt with her. Laudna attempts to wave them away while talking over them.
- Ashton's response is to flatly tell Yu to take their "basic-ass looks" and GTFO. Which leads to Yu's exit: they take Ashton's form and flip off everyone and proceeds to stomp out of the store in a show of childish mockery.
Yu: (as Ashton) So long, motherfuckers!! Argh! I'm angry!!
- He can't help but snicker and admit that was Actually Pretty Funny. Even Laudna agrees.
When the table attempts to call Erika back for a farewell, they wonder if she had already left the studio when she doesn't respond.
Birdie apparently snagged something via handshake, with Fearne noting how she always "borrows things".
Birdie: That's my girl!
Laudna's background whispers during her telepathic messages are getting louder, to the point they sometimes obscure her own voice. At one point, during her message, Sam just shrieks.
The group go to meet Birdie's contact, and when they finally open the door for them to speak, Matt describes the numerous locks and crossbows set up inside their panic bunker.
Imogen immediately asks Hondir how they feel about kidnapping and using children for the "greater good", making a pointed look at Birdie the whole time.
As Bell's Hells are following Birdie out of Bassuras into the Hellcatch Valley on crawler-back, Matt ends the episode... and then hastily restarts because Birdie forgot to pick up her contact Hondir, whom the group had just spent a whole scene with. Cut to the group exiting Bassuras for a second time, this time with a very irate Hondir in tow.

Episode 30: Reunion & Revelation

After Matt describes a man's forehead as sun-scarred like his own, Sam encourages the others to share weirdly personal facts about their bodies.
Sam: I have butt problems.
Travis: One of my nipples is higher than the other.
Liam: I'm fasciated with my pores.
Matt constantly calling Laura "Laudna", getting annoyed each time it happens.
Sam: Don't worry about it, Brennan.
Imogen shoots lightning at the enemy's sandcrawler with the intent to explode all of the black powder in all of its guns. The others then remind Laura that gunpowder exploding is what propels the bullets. The crawler then shoots 60 shots towards the party.
Sam: This could be your goldfish moment.
Ashley is listening to Matt's narration until she suddenly yelps in shock and damn near out of her seat. It turns out that somebody was trying to hand her a drink from offscreen.
Ashley: I just felt some scratching, and I was like, there's a creature!
Sam: But it was a cup.
Liam: (laughing) It's Ira. It's Ira. It's Ira!
Laudna acting like a schoolgirl with a crush as Ira reappears. She twists her hair, smiles bashfully at him and doesn't seem to bothered over the fact he likely kidnaps children when Imogen brings it up.
- Ashton plans on having a drink with Ira, which Laudna vehemently objects to. They then decide to treat it like a Pretty situation and double date.
Laudna: I want to drink with him first! I didn't tell you out loud, but I called dibs first in my head!
Ashley giddily wondering if the group will get to travel to the moon.
Travis: The Last of Us was just a warm up.

Episode 31: Breaking Point

Fearne asks Ira directly if he and her Nana ever dated. He simply chuckles and says, "No. She has standards."
The cast reacts appropriately to learning that Otohan's partner is Ludinus Da'leth.
Liam I fucking knew it!... Sorry, that was Liam.
Ashton decides to test of theory of his and asks Orym for the lens. He then smashes it with his hammer, saying it's fine since it was magical, magic items don't break.
Laudna: How come everywhere I go there are broken rocks?!
- Once Ashton realizes his mistake, he just gives a flat "Oh, shit" while everyone else is panicking.
  Matt: (answering if the item can be mended) Depends on the enchantment.
  Ashton: Yeah? Interesting.
  Laudna: What the fuck, Ashton?!
  Ashton: Weird.
- Matt makes the moment even more hilarious by bring up that in earlier editions of D&D, barbarians level up by smashing magic items, so Ashton would have gotten experience by doing that.
Imogen casts Fly on Laudna so she can read some text that Orym found on the telescope. Laudna is clearly loving every minute of it, while Orym is so freaked out at the sight that he can't look directly at her.
Matt describing the party "shaking the weight" of what happened leads to a bit of word association, culminating with the hysterical mental image of Ira using a Shake Weight.
When asked to roll an Investigation check, Marisha grumbles "Where's Beau when you need her?" She immediately rolls a dirty 20, and blows a kiss to the ceiling.
Marisha: Thanks dude!
Laura: Beau's like "What's up?! Have some beer!"
- Laudna finds a stone with the word "Curiosity" written on it in Sylvan. Travis immediately suggests some more items she could find there.
  Travis: "Knowledge" on a biscuit. "Passion" on a leaf.
  Matt: I love your new Etsy shop!
While the others rest, Ashton thoroughly trashes Ira's room. Ollie tries to tell them to leave some stuff intact... before realizing that it's actually quite cathartic to watch and joining in, along with Fearne.
Imogen tries to comfort Fearne, telling her it's not okay that Ollie and Birdie keep avoiding her and she should let them know she's upset. Imogen then suggests they all hit their parents, at which point Ashton runs in fully on board.
Ashton: Are we fucking our parents up?! What are we fucking doing, we're hitting parents?! I want to hit a parent!
Marisha: (laughing) "I want to hit a parent."
Ashton: I don't have issues, fuck you!
- The whole thing is a lovely Call-Back to campaign 2, where everyone is intruding on a private moment - the first one was actually Fresh, asking "is there therapy going on?", and then Fresh mentions that his old practice was to vent their frustrations into a doll, whereupon Chetney busts in and reveals that the doll he would have given to Laudna had been reworked into a generic figure to be "re-gifted" later. And yes, Travis really did bring out an actual doll, which incidentally is like those spring-loaded wooden horses that go totally limp after pushing a button, and if that's not enough innuendo for you, Ashley bends it double and spits on it like she's trying to fix it back.
  Imogen: She just spit on the crotch of that doll, I saw it...
  Chetney: Awesome! (whole table melts down)
  Fearne: This really shows Chetney's work, the fact that you can crumple it down and it'll come right back up. (bends it up and lets it spring back up) Ping!
- He produces two additional dolls of Fearne's parents later on (and again, Travis really does bring out actual dolls), and comments about their hair and clothes. This leads to a sidebar about where he got the hair, and naturally it was concluded that he has been shaving the pubes off of party members in their sleep. This leads to Sam claiming that F.C.G. has pubes even though they have no genitals.
Matt: This is the worst retelling of Pinocchio.
The above leads to a "confrontation" between Fearne and her parents, leading to a beautiful Bait-and-Switch when Fearne drops a fey bombshell by telling them she has a child... then breaking the dead silence by mentioning that "he shoots fire - it's a poopy thing", whereupon the mass corpsing starts.
Fearne dubs the doll "Caviar", who immediately hits it off with Pate. He, Caviar and Sashimi then apparently have a threesome in the dollhouse.
Fearne puts a stone in between the three dolls in Laudna's house, and one in Imogen's bag.
Ashley: I'm going to start some shit.
- The next morning when Laudna wakes up to greet the dolls, she calls for Imogen and believe the dolls love for one another manifested a stone.
Laura randomly lets out one of her mythical burps during Matt's exposition.
Laura: Not gonna lie I totally forgot we were filming!
(whole table melts down)
Matt: I'm So Proud of You, Laura.
Travis: It's a god-given gift!
After F.C.G. attacks the party, Ashton confronts the reality of the situation.
Ashton: I think that we all have to accept that everybody here is a potential fucking powder keg. Except for [Orym]. For some reason we decided to have one person who seems healthy and well-adjusted, honestly it's a little irritating.
Imogen begins asking which automaton F.C.G. had salvaged the buzzsaw from, but pauses. As Sam looks for the name, everyone immediately starts saying, "It was Pussy's buzzsaw" and continue to say "pussy" for the next minute.
Imogen goes to comfort Laudna, and asks about what she talked to Delilah about.
Laudna: She wanted the other rock. The one that Sashimi gave birth to.
In a seperate video, the cast levels up to level 7. Travis, with a very pointed stare at Taliesin, gleefully announces that Chetney taking a 6th level in Blood Hunter makes him the highest level Blood Hunter in Critical Role's history^*. The rest of the cast agrees that they'd be fucked if Chetney were to die and then come back as the Big Bad, while Taliesin immediately flips Travis off with both hands.
Taliesin: Extra damage on both these fuckers now!

Episode 32: A Stage Set

The Quip sponsorship goes off the rails quickly after Sam says that he's not legally allowed to place the toothbrush in his mouth. So he instead puts toothpaste on various objects (i.e. pocky sticks, dry spaghetti, pickles, licorice, pipe cleaners), scrubs his teeth with them, and refuses to stop until Marisha reads off the entire ad script. By the time Marisha's done, Sam's shoved nearly everything in front of himself in his mouth.
Sam: I found my gag reflex, guys!
- Afterwards Laura eats one of the pickles that isn't coated in spit or toothpaste. This translates to Imogen randomly eating a pickle in the middle of a serious discussion concerning FCG and Dancer.
FCG: Where did you get those pickles?
Imogen: There was a vendor up the street.
Ashton: You're eating Bassuras street food? You are braver than I thought.
Matt: There's a hobgoblin back there with a cart. He's just like "Want some more? Get 'em quick! They're hard to find and they don't keep real long!"
- After the Pussy conversation detailed below, Matt asks "Sam, what is wrong with you?"
Liam: I mean, he did shove a cigar, dry pasta...
Taliesin: Pickle, Slim Jim...
The cast milking the Pussy jokes for all they can, mostly in the form of terrible ideas for merch, leading to Matt having a break down and repeatedly yelling "No". Some highlights:
"My Pussy has a buzzsaw".
"If you see my Pussy call this number."
"Ask me about my Pussy."
"Fresh Cut Grass destroyed my Pussy."
- The best part is Matt's breakdown because he finally realizes Sam's been playing the long game with his joke, because, indeed, "the One-Eyed Monster slayed Pussy." The fact that it's canon thanks to Episode 1 makes it even funnier. Even Matt has to admit it was well-played.
The crew is discussing whether FCG should stay awake or not (and if they even can go out at all).
Fearne: Maybe you should stay awake. You know how when people do brain surgery-
FCG: I don't!
Fearne: I don't either...
When Imahara Joe mentions the transmutation magic embedded in F.C.G.'s "stomach", Orym asks "Transmu-what now?" The cast immediately starts snickering, since Liam played a transmutation wizard in the previous campaign.
Marisha: Somewhere, Caleb has a nosebleed.
Imahara Joe has to consult his history books when inspecting Fresh's innards, and finds something called The Care And Culling, which should already have dire implications for what Fresh was built for, but it's forgotten when everybody keeps hearing it as The Karen Culling.
Matt: Nothing that leaves my mouth in verbal form is safe...
- Similarly, the person who sold F.C.G. to Dancer is only known to Joe as "D". Cue many jokes about learning more about Joe's D.
  Orym: Can you remember anything more about this D character? What was D's...
  Sam and Marisha: Nuts.
  Orym: (Corpsing) What was deez nuts?
Chetney asks Imahara Joe if he has some paints that he's willing to sell, but is dismayed to learn that, being a bodyshop, Joe only has paints for metal surfaces, not wood.
Ratanish assures Bell's Hells that members of the Paragon's Call are permitted and encouraged to have hobbies outside of the group. FCG asks what his hobbies are and then immediately casts Detect Thoughts, and Matt describes Ratanish making small jewelry with curlicues. Aloud, however, Ratanish replies that it's none of their business.
Liam: (imitating Ratanish) My Etsy store is called "Ratan-hyphen-ish".
Matt: (imitating Ratanish) I have discount if you buy in bulk!
Ashton and Laudna's heart to heart collides with some Mood Whiplash as Matt reminds them they're in the middle of a raging sandstorm, meaning that contextually they're hollering the entire interaction.
Ashton: Oh, it's adorable! I'm a big fan of having an intimate conversation right over here!
Laudna: Everyone can see your damage!
Ashton: NOOOOOO SHIT!

Episode 33: Blood and Dust

Matt's reaction to the official Beau vest is first shock, followed by utter childlike glee. He asks for a vest himself and wears it for the rest of the episode. Crosses over with Heartwarming.
In the great tradition of Critical Role, Chetney finds Bell's Hells' greatest enemy: Stairs. He fails another Dex check on stairs and trips over a wire.
Ashton and F.C.G. getting on the crawler with F.C.G. driving. As he finds Ashton he yells, "Get in, bitch!" However, lost in the sandstorm, F.C.G. just starts doing donuts. Ashton is just panicking at how horrible their plan is going and yelling at F.C.G.
- Then the two start fighting over the wheel.
Ashton: You are too old to drive!
- Ashton points out the stupidity of stealing a vehicle in an enclosed courtyard.
  Ashton: THERE'S NO WAY OUT ON THIS THING! THE DOORS ARE CLOSED!
  FCG: There's not like maybe another door that's open?
  Ashton: It's a SIEGE!
- As they argue, Ashley describes Fearne calmly walking over to the crawler as it barrels towards her. Later, they almost plow down poor Laudna when she lands in front of them.
While generally terrifying and ruthless, Otohan has a brief moment wherein she's coldly surveying the battlefield from the rooftop. Only for Laudna to spider-climb into view about a foot from her face. Despite being described as an experienced and brutally efficient warrior, even she can only stare in befuddlement for a moment.
The party struggles to open another door and nearly succeed until Fearne peforms a Mirthful Leap that slams it back shut. FCG reminds her that she has a telekinetic ring, which she then uses to open the door in two seconds flat.
Ashton: I hate you all.
Sam trying to figure out who of the unconcious party members to save.
Sam: Do I save my lifelong friend, Liam... or the fun character who makes us all laugh?
After the third party member goes unconscious, Taliesin mutters that this is because he beat Matt at chess in France.
Following Marisha nervously singsonging "Delilah take the wheeeel..." when making a death save, only to immediately roll a natural 20, she excitedly exclaims she will never question Delilah again.
In a deeply grim sort of hilarity, Matt announces one round as
"That brings us straight to your initiative, because everyone ahead of you is dead!"
Laudna has some weird priorities:
Marisha: I... Fuck, fuck.
Laura: You fuck?
Marisha: I- (laughs) I give in and I fuck Chetney.
Chetney: We all do at some point!
In a meta sense, the episodes' sponsor Backblaze responded to Matt's statement on the audience taking care of themselves after the harrowing episode.
Backblaze: We would uh...like to sponsor a shopping episode next time? Thank you <3

Episode 34: What Dreams May Come

The NordVPN skit opens with Setty-in-Ashley having won in freezing everybody, which Matt points out isn't exactly what their sponsor would want. Setty tells him to shut up and reveals their endgame: getting everyone to stop making awful puns and instead do more productive things... like making balloon animals! Setty pulls out a bunch of balloons and starts making a balloon rapier, which gets everyone at the table to start mass Corpsing.
Befitting what happened last episode, Matt opening the recap with a cheerful "Last we left off" is met with groans and shouts of "Shut up, Matt!" from the players.
When Sam asks whether or not it's metagaming to know that Fearne has Revivify, Liam says that even though they don't talk about it, it's not metagaming to know that everybody poops. Cue the whole table drowning each other out by shouting out their characters' pooping habits.
Laura: Imogen doesn't poop.
Liam: Orym poops the most.
Marisha makes an example of herself in "why you should never insult your dice". She says "Fuck Ruidus!" before rolling on the red Ruidus dice for Laudna's final death saving throw. She promptly rolls a natural 1, and Laudna dies.
When trying to look for diamonds or anything else that'll help bring back either Orym or Laudna, Travis wonders aloud if Armand Treshi has an enchanted necklace, anklet, or cockring. When the rest of the table starts questioning the idea of a Cockring of Revivify, Sam immediately asks if they can make that an actual item.
Matt (shrugs) You have the ability to enchant items, I mean...
Liam: (mobster accent) You never know when you're gonna have a heart attack in the sack, y'know what I'm sayin'? (falls backwards then shoots back upright) Gouiii! I'm back baby!
(everyone starts laughing)
Matt: That's your backup character right there.
Travis then jokes that Chetney could bite Orym and drag him over. When asked to elaborate, Chetney claims he gnaws or bites on things because dead people make him nervous. Cue the table acting like Chetney is a misbehaving dog and telling him to "drop it".
Fearne is brought back to life by F.C.G. using Revivify.
Fearne: Okay, I'll come back, jeez louise...
- Her first question upon sitting up gets a very blunt answer.
Fearne: So, how's everybody doing?
Fresh Cut Grass: REAL bad.
Fearne: Okay then.
- There was absolutely no time for subtlety upon waking Fearne up.
FCG: Orym's dead and you have 30 seconds to save his life.
Matt: And that brings us to the end of this round—
FCG: You have 24 seconds to save his life.
Fearne nervously asking the others if they should vote on whether to save Orym or Laudna. The Sadistic Choice creates quite a bit of tension as Fearne has to choose, only for the Black Comedy of the concept of voting on it causes everyone at the table to burst out laughing from the mixture of drama and comedy.
Fearne: Who votes for Orym? Oh no, that's so weird... (cue the entire table bursting into laughter)
Liam and Marisha take great joy in the fact that their being dead means they don't have to take part in the group's decision on who to bring back.
Fearne's final last-ditch effort is to try smooshing Orym and Laudna really close together in the hope that the spell might catch both of them.
Fearne, Master Of Understatement, after suffering through the agonizing decision of which of her friends to save, explains the situation to the revived Orym as "So, we...were in a bit of a pickle."
At Joe's, F.C.G. asks for the coin he lent to Fearne to be given back. When asked if she would give it back, Fearne promptly says, "No".
While Imogen sobbing over and over in party members' heads that she's sorry, and the fact that Laura's notebook says "Laudna is dead" over and over again, is quite tragic (assuming Liam isn't just making a reference to The Shining), Liam's revelation that what it actually says is "Laudna is derd" sends the table into Mood Whiplash fits of laughter. The fanart gallery for this episode is titled "Redrum", cementing the Shout-Out.
The Hells really don't like Treshi.
Ashton: I really want to punch the wall right now.
Chetney: Why do that when his face is right there?
Ashton: That'll make a lot less noise.
Chetney manages to unlock the box and finds ground powder inside. He decides to snort a bit. He starts screaming in pain afterwards when it's revealed to be residuum.
Imogen retrieves Pâté and decides to hold onto him for now. F.C.G. attempts to do Pâté's voice, but everyone admits it's a bit off-putting.
Ashton brings up how he saw his parents in that vision. F.C.G. asks him how he would know if he was an orphan.
Ashton: (counting down with his fingers) I'll give you ten seconds to figure that out.
F.C.G. gifts Chetney a wooden toolbox that he made himself. Chetney is quite flattered to be on the receiving end of such a gift, but he's appalled by F.C.G.'s lack of craftsmanship.
F.C.G.: I used my blade to carve it during the night. It's not as fine workmanship as you but-
Chetney: No it's not.
F.C.G.: -but I thought that you might like it.
Chetney: Oh, I love it. I love it so much! (God it's awful.) I love it.
- Chetney then gives F.C.G. their gift: an emotion clock they can set to show how they're feeling. F.C.G. is touched, and tells Chetney they love it in the flattest, most robotic tone imaginable.
- Chetney then wonders if he can teach his craft to F.C.G. in order to pass on his legacy.
  F.C.G.: (looks at his clock) Is there one here that eye-rolls?
  Ashton: Somebody's going to loot one of their bodies one day and be so disappointed.
- The emotion indicators are loose blocks, so when Sam tilts the clock too far forward, they all fall out. Cue everyone panicking that F.C.G. is about to lose his mind again.
  - Sam struggles to piece the thing back together, and eventually resorts to frantically trying to jam one of the pieces into the wrong shaped hole.
    Laura: This thing is for toddlers!
As the group is heading out, they try to make themselves inconspicuous. Everyone puts on their old raggedy cloaks and hoods. Chetney strips down naked, because everyone would immediately look away.
- Later, as they're trying figure out how to signal the airship, Chetney brings up that he still has a stick of dynamite.
  Ashton: Where are you keeping that right now?
  Chetney: (winks)
  Taliesin: ...I cast Fireball.

Episode 35: Pyrrhic Return

Sam's ad this week has him play "MC Adverbot," with buttons to press on paper. When Marisha presses the first button, he drops the paper to reveal only living players can press the buttons.
The table says they should Retcon Orym's Revivify when they realize that Marisha has the best note-taking skills out of all of them.
Liam: We're just Homer Simpson, spinning in a circle on the ground now. Woop, woop, woop, woop!
Armand Treshi tries to bribe Bell's Hells while they're in the middle of a collective existential crisis:
Armand: I can get you gold.
Imogen: Fuck your gold.
F.C.G.: Wait, how much gold?
Ashton: I am So Proud of You right now.
F.C.G.: Well, you taught me.
When Taliesin rolls a 0 to intimidate Treshi^*, Treshi's able to bluff it away by saying he's got a tummy ache.
Captain Xandis says they can put Armand in "mold storage" for the time being. When asked about this, they explain it's an inside joke that they store all their moldy equipment that they don't use anymore. This is capped off when they then turn to Armand and say in a chipper tone:
Xandis: Heeeeeeey, buddy! You're going to mold storage!
F.C.G. suggests they hold a service or memorial for Laudna, leading the others to turn it down.
F.C.G.: It also protects her from turning undead, but... (table breaks out into laughter)
Ashton: You know, you coulda lead with that!
F.C.G. sends a message to Jianna Hexum. They open explaining that Ashton's lost a friend, and then tack on how proud they are of Ashton for finally having a friend.
F.C.G. starts to Send a message with "Hey, lady! Fresh Cut Grass here," and Laura Bailey, of all people, decides to comment on it.
Laura: "Wow, that was a big waste."
Travis: "Okay, Jester."
Ashton getting angry at F.C.G. always putting others over themselves, and goes on a tirade about how they don't leave anyone behind. He expresses it by saying, "Do you like me fucking happy?!"
Imogen: Do you fuck happy? Are you saying you like to fuck happy?
Ashton: (exasperated) I wouldn't know, it's been a long time!!
- Ashton then leads up with this point:
Ashton: Since I'm now caught in these fuckin' crazy people... (to Orym) Except you.
(Cue half the table giving a look that says, "What the hell man?")
Travis: (in a heavy southern accent) I never!
The entire second day on the ship is a comedy of errors when the entire table fails a Skill Event for the first time.
- Imogen casts Calm Emotions on the crewmembers, only for Fearne to fail guiding the Captain and a sail completely breaks off.
- Sam rolls a 1, which causes FCG to get picked up by a gust of wind and sucked out of the ship.
- Taliesin is the only person to make a roll in the double digits, resulting in everyone but Ashton getting launched off the ship when it goes up. This comes directly off the heels of Ashton declaring they're not leaving anyone behind again.
- When Fearne comes to, her first reaction is to shout in terror and then play her panflute. Laura says that all Imogen does is lie prone and listen.
- Fearne realizes she's alerted a sand worm with her impact and awkwardly walks around trying to throw it off her tail. The rest of the party think she's dancing out of the blue. FCG attempts to mimic her after she tells him to follow her lead, but a bad roll ends up alerting the worm anyways.
- Orym saves Fearne from getting killed by the sand worm by grabbing her by the tail, shoving his shield in it's jaws, and kicking her out of the pit! He notes she takes a single hitpoint of damage from this. Fearne uses her telekinetic ring to rescue Imogen and Orym in kind, launching them and the shield out of the monster's jaws like a bottle being uncorked.
- Chetney is almost left behind until FCG uses their propeller hand to fly over to him. Chetney thinks FCG's just going to attack him again and screams the whole time as he's being rescued.
- Finally, when everyone is safe and sound back on the ship, Captain Xandis asks if anyone is good with wood, as they'll need to repair the ship. Chetney sobs in joy and immediately gets to work.
After the storm, Ashton goes down into the brig to see how Armand is holding up. Matt says he's unmoving, which Ashton panics about until Matt assures him he's just "knocked the fuck out". As he does this, Chetney complains about the quality of the wood has has to work with in the next room over.
The Hells reunite with Eshteross and plan their next move. Naturally, it gets ruined because Laura just can't resist making a Double Entendre. The cast immediately breaks down Corpsing, and it happens again right after Matt tries to continue the conversation.
Imogen: We're in it too deep to just pull out now.
Matt: (after trying to keep talking) I can't, I can't right now!
As F.C.G. and Imogen enter Ashton's mind, the group can see two tiny versions of them inside Ashton's brain.
Laura: Honey I shrunk the kids!!
- Then when F.C.G. inhabits Ashton's body, he flexes experimentally to see what it feels like. Taliesin comments that everything hurts no matter what F.C.G. does. In frustration, F.C.G. utters the most Ashton thing.
F.C.G.: (beat) Fuck.
When Orlana Sheshadri is skeptical that the Cerberus Assembly is involved in Otohan's conspiracy, Chetney draws their symbol into a pile of sawdust. Orlana states that the fact that they know what their sigil looks like doesn't really prove anything.
Travis: That wasn't exactly the Perry Mason moment I was hoping for.
When Sam is set to recive a whisper from Matt, he wonders who will read the ad for whomever sponsored that night's whispers. After Liam completes the ad-read, Sam tells him that that was the wrong one.
Sam: They sponsor our battle cam! Is this a battle?
Taliesin: It's turning into one.
The party is speaking to NPC Manaia Turei when suddenly Matt asks Orym to make a wisdom saving throw. He succeeds, but the table becomes tense afterwards, thinking either a friendly NPC or an unseen assailant just made an aggressive maneuver. After contacting Keyleth through a Sending spell, they find out she's been trying to Scry on them; Orym's save is what prevented her from reaching out to them. They laugh in relief after knowing what the save was for.
Keyleth's return. Orym, as befitting their relationship, steps forward and greets her with a rasped "Hail to the Tempest" before giving an emotional, clearly rehearsed speech thanking her for coming, apologizing for the imposition, explaining why he thinks Laudna deserves the direct intervention of the Voice of the Tempest, Chieftain of the Ashari Tribes, etc. They lay their fallen comrade reverently at her feet, and the legendary druidic god-slayer speaks for the first time, saying:
Keyleth: [profoundly frazzled] Well—so, hi, I'm Keyleth—
Keyleth has fully grown into her own as a leader and has matured through grief, love, and thirty years of experience in the world. She's also still Keyleth. Before she even meets the Hells, she spends so much time stepping casually through trees across Exandria that she completely loses track of where other people expect her to be.
Ashton: Sorry. We've had a weird few days.
Keyleth: I can see that on your faces, and I've been there.
- And soon afterward:
FCG: We're Bell's Hells. We're a kind of adventuring party, people sometimes pay us to do jobs or things, but we're trying to do some good in the world and not just be mercenaries. It's not something you'd maybe understand, but that's what we've been up to.
Keyleth: Sounds vaguely familiar.
- Manaia Turei, the acquaintance of Eshteross's that the Hells had initially gone to for transportation, is thoroughly flummoxed at what is transpiring in front of her.

Episode 36: A Desperate Call

After the cast asks Sam why he performed the ad-read dressed as a flower, he reveals that he's been slowly turning into a sunflower in the Quip Public Domain Lounge ads and the cast just now noticed.
One of Laura's merch announcements is for a Fearne, Imogen and Laudna "Bitchy Witches" shirt. Sam promptly asks if people should just tape over Laudna's face when they get the shirt. Laura retorts, "No, they can just wash her out with their tears."
Keyleth wonders what F.C.G is, and he goes into a whole explanation of how he was basically a robot designed to murder people. He then cheerfully pipes up that it’s only been six days since he last tried to murder someone. You can tell Keyleth is processing a lot at the moment.
Before meeting Percy, the Hells give Keyleth a quick run through on what they discovered on their travels. Imogen quickly admits to Keyleth she knows they come off as conspiracy theorists, but swears what they’re telling her is true.
Keyleth: (beat) I’ll put that on the pile.
Perfectly interrupting Matt's loving description of Percy's office, a warm but intimidating space dominated by:
Matt: ...A dual set of stained-glass windows on the opposite that together form—
Laura: Voltron.
Matt: —the Sun Tree in Autumn colors— (corpses)
Liam: This is de Rolo we're talking about.
Taliesin: This town needs a giant robot.
Matt: He's been busy over the past 30 years! Next campaign's gonna get REAL WEIRD, y'all.
Liam: (imitating Percy) "And I'll form the head."
The Hells ask how comfortable Gwendolyn is with death, Percy says she’s more occupied with her book but will leave if he thinks it’s too much. Matt later reveals she was reading a medical journal.
- Percy gently admonishes Gwendolyn for running off with the book; she almost immediately turns to him with sad puppy eyes and he immediately folds, telling her to at least put it back when she's done reading it.
Chetney asks who the "skilled sunuvabitch" is who made the clocktower out front. Percy just wordlessly looks at him.
Chetney (gasping): No!
- Percy asks Chetney if he included mechanics into his craft. The way Chetney keeps coughing, you’d think he was trying to choke himself to avoid answering Percy.
Percy: Are you alright?
Ashton: He's very old; he could go at any second. (leans forward) But today could be the day.
Matt: (glances at Travis) Roll a Constitution Saving Throw.
Vex and Percy’s two teen children arguing over their hunt, with the boy’s sister teasing him for being terrible. Vex soon walks in and says she’ll let the chef know to make two less desserts tonight.
After Keyleth and Percy had been addressing each other with their formal titles, Pike runs up just calling Percy’s name. Percy pauses for a moment before giving up on trying to correct her.
Vex and Percy recall their wedding day.
F.C.G.: That must have been quite a ceremony.
Vex and Percy: (deadpan) You have no idea.
As Pike holds up her symbol of the Everlight, Fearne takes an immediate interest in it. With Travis and Sam on either side of her, they end up becoming the angel and devil on her shoulders.
Travis: No. No. Don't steal it.
Sam: Steal it, steal it, steal it!!
The first time Pike prepares the Raise Dead spell has this in spades.
- She was called directly from the bakery, so obviously didn't grab 500 gold worth of diamonds on her way out the door. She glances up at the de Rolos and awkwardly gestures with her empty hands. Vex sighs and goes off to find some diamonds, with the table miming her shaking out her pockets and casually removing earrings to make up the difference.
- The 500 gold worth of diamonds is presented in a jumbled handful; Pike glances at them, starts to examine them, then remembers who chose the pieces and just confirms that she trusts Vex's eye on this kind of thing.
- When she prepares the ritual, there's a long, agonizing period of silence once the incantation finishes where it seems like nothing happened. The tension stretches. Maybe something went wrong with Gentle Repose, maybe Pike Trickfoot isn't capable of calling Laudna back because they don't know each other, maybe Laudna's undead nature interferes with the spell...?
  Pike: ...Oh! [laughs] It's a B, not a C. Sorry, haven't done this in a while.
  [the entire room is instantly transformed by an explosion of swirling golden light and sourceless divine wind]
The table reacting to Pike revealing Delilah was tied to Laudna’s soul as well. Liam runs around as Matt calls for break, and Marisha slowly leans into camera with a creepy grin on her face.
The way Ashton deflates after ranting to Percy, who calmly asks if Ashton is done rambling.
After his failed attempt to make Percy relent, Ashton storms out through the castle and ends up trying to smash the first convenient thing he sees. He settles on a bust of one of Percy's ancestors. Taliesin rolls a Nat 1, hurting his hand and not damaging the statue at all... and getting the attention of Trinket and his family, who had been napping nearby.
- This leads Ashton to a one-sided conversation with Trinket about Percy, ending with this gem.
  Ashton: Would you do something for me? The next time you can, just shit somewhere inappropriate while thinking of me.
- This brief muttered exchange between Liam and Laura:
  Liam: Good thing [Trinket]'s got arthritis.
  Laura: You shush. He's the picture of health.
- Liam demands to know what the bears' names are and gets no answer. Taliesin replies that they're on the Tal'Dorei Council.
F.C.G. constantly asks what Pike does when there are hints of how powerful she really is. Each time she either brushes it off or just claims to be a baker.
- The way she casually mentions she’s friends with a god, leaving the Hells with unhinged jaws.
When Pike sends Vex to get the gems and silver bars needed to bring Laudna back, Chetney starts to offer payment for them, but the rest of the group is quick to shut him up.
Ashton: Why are we splitting the bill with someone who lives in a castle?
Pike offers to check if F.C.G. has a soul, and Chetney tells him she'll need his flesh tongue as a spell component. Cue Chetney cutting out F.C.G.'s tongue.
Matt: Finally, it's gone. Finally. It's the end.
Sam: Oh no... It's growing back!
Matt: I hate this so much.
Ashton letting Vex know her husband is an ass. She doesn’t disagree.
- Then Ashton informs Vex F.C.G. had his mind blown after Pike confirms he has a soul.
Vex: Not to brag, but I’m used to blowing minds.
Pike prepares the ritual for the Hells and informs them she’s gonna fuel up with stale muffins and water. Cue the table joking about Pike actually downing some alcohol offscreen.
Laura: Pike Trickfoot drinking water.
Ashley: Suuuuuuuure.
- Lampshaded when Vex asks Pike for her flask, right after Pike had taken a swig and was quickly trying to hide it.
Ashley keeps getting confused as she keeps acting out as Pike.
Matt: (laughing evilly) Pike is mine now!
Pike constantly flipping through the book to inform the Hells on what will occur when they go to save Laudna. Each time she pauses and has to read the instructions, the Hells are less enthused about the whole trip.
As Travis has Chetney sneak closer to the hut, he cautiously asks if there's a blueberry muffin on the windowsill. He relaxes when Matt tells him there isn't.
One of the shadowy hands reaches for Fearne, who simply slaps it away.
The episode ends, and Liam demands Matt tells him what the names of Trinket's family members are. Matt refuses to answer.
Taliesin: It's fine, they're on the council.

Episode 37: From the Boughs

While peering over a wall, Chetney panics upon seeing the alternate Whitestone and tries to dissuade the rest of the group from moving forward. Fearne takes a look and thinks that the twisted town is beautiful. F.C.G. also takes a peek and agrees with her, much to Chetney's disgust. Then Ashton agrees with both of them and Chetney gives up.
- Beforehand, Chetney's admittedly not inaccurate summary of what he found at the end of the tunnel.
Chetney: It just says "Game Over!"
As the Hells travel through the facsimile of Whitestone, they wonder whether the houses are actually real and if the doors work. Naturally Sam suggests using a sword to try to open the door, and Ashton tries to get in through a window.
Matt: (sighing in disappointment) Time is a flat circle, man.
Matt describes some marrow dripping with blood that the Hells come across. Most of them "nope" immediately away from it.
- Liam calls the warped buildings of the fake Whitestone "some abstract German expressionism bullshit". In character as Orym!
Travis begins singing "Thriller" in the Chetney voice.
Matt: DC's just gettin' higher.
Sam's flask this session is attached to the ceiling with a cord and a sign that warns people not to touch it. Ashley, who has a pair of scissors right next to her, giggles and immediately goes to cut it once she sees it.
- When F.C.G. drops down to zero hit points and is sent back to the material plane, he cuts the cord himself and cheerfully says he's going to hang out with Marisha.
When a young Matilda is bullied by "Whitestone Andy", Liam asks Matt how many hit points the kid has, implying Orym would have been fully willing to murder a kid just for bullying his friend.
The Hells find Matilda in a barn, sewing together some crude dolls and surrounding herself with drawings. FCG notes how ugly the drawings are and some of the Hells immediately tell him to shut it.
Matilda talking about how she made a bird that can take her away is quite sad, but Ashley's resulting facial expression and her head impacting the table with a very audible, very healthy THUNK! is just plain hilarious.
As the vines close off their exit and start creeping its way towards the group, Ashton grabs the nearby lamp and holds it aloft.
Ashton: I don't know if threats work here, but I'm gonna make one.
Imogen: Oh, we're gonna burn ourselves in a barn?
Ashton: Shh, it doesn't know that.
Chetney tosses a lit dynamite at the vines and the vines seem to swallow it with no reaction. Ashton starts saying that it didn't work, before Matt lets out a loud explosion sound.
- As Travis mimes Chetney throwing the dynamite in slow motion:
Taliesin: Speed it up! Speed it up! We gotta go, we gotta go!
Liam: You speed the tape up and it's just "Eh!"
As the images of Laudna's parents rush Imogen and Fearne, Ashley jokes that Fearne uses Speak with Animals out of pure panic.
Ashley thankfully rolls a high enough Wisdom Save to expel a dark spirit from possessing her. This is described in-universe as the spirit entering her mouth and nose, Fearne standing up slowly, and then wondering what just happened before complaining that the spirit feels funny in her. Then she pinches her nose and blows the spirit out of her ears like a cartoon!
- Chetney snaps at the spirit for attacking Fearne and slashes it to bits before landing on her shoulders. She gives him a pat on the head in gratitude.
When the Hells find Delilah, she's not wearing any clothes. It's because her form is shadowy, but the cast immediately draws the natural conclusion.
Chetney: Yes!
Sam: Big ol' titties!
Liam: That means titties!
- Matt, exasperated, tells them that "she's not starting an OnlyFans. Yet."
- Then when Laudna appears, Sam asks if she was naked as well. Matt quickly tells him no.
Ashton tries to talk to Delilah, who quickly cuts into his speech with some dry wit.
Delilah: I find the depths of your ignorance extremely boring.
- You can tell Delilah is slowly getting annoyed in dealing with the Hells as she remarks, "I'm dealing with children." Though it gets funnier in a meta sense when Matt had made a similar remark about his table.
- The group even start to point out that some of them are actually older than Delilah herself.
As they begin their fight with Delilah, Laura quietly points out they're level sevens fighting Delilah Briarwood, and Travis responds with nervous laughter.
Sam: (faintly hopeful) Well, we're in a dream space...maybe—maybe she went down a level when she died.
After the break, Sam returns wearing a sailor outfit...right as the Hells are ready to face off against Delilah.
F.C.G's first response when meeting Delilah? Suggests they have a long, non-judgmental talk about whatever trauma she's suffered that leads her to traumatize others.
Delilah: So you've...come here to offer me therapy.
Matt briefly calls Marisha back to the table. It takes some time for her to get there, since she had apparently been looking after Omar and was rushing over in flip-flops. When Matt finally sits Marisha down at the DM chair, she looks just as confused as everyone else.
- Liam is upset that Marisha didn't abuse her power during the brief moment she was in Matt's chair.
  Liam: You were the DM! You could have said Delilah turned into a fart!
- While Matt steps away to grab the battlemap, Marisha runs into view of the camera and shouts that Delilah dies in one hit.
Travis describing Chetney's transformation as him tearing off his Chetney legs to reveal his werewolf ones, and then his torso, wrapping his gnome arms around his neck like a scarf.
F.C.G's spiritual weapon this time around? Pâté.
Mister joins the battle, occasionally chucking fire seeds at Delilah while flying up the tree.
Sam getting frustrated over not being able to give his friends that many hit points back, but not able to do much in terms of action. Cue Laura and Taliesin dropping their two cents:
Laura: Not so easy now, is it?
Taliesin: I didn't have too much trouble healing you all, honestly.
A furious Delilah screams, "Get. DOWN!" Laura visibly backs away in her chair while emitting rapid-fire "eep"s.
After Orym and F.C.G. are knocked out of combat, Liam and Sam were apparently drinking with Marisha off camera.
When the episode ends with a massive Cliffhanger that apparently spells out that Delilah is Deader than Dead and Laudna's fate is left completely unknown as everyone's been forced out of her mind, the table collectively flips. Liam grabs the minis off the table and jostles them around, Laura and Ashley sit and scream in protest as Laura mimes stabbing at Delilah with her pen, Marisha and Sam run around the room hollering, Travis chucks Ashley's Mister plush at Matt, who catches it and begins to pet it, and Taliesin tries to crawl under the table.
Taliesin: Hey, there's so much room to go fetal down here!
- After he's finished running around, Sam goes ahead and trims FCG's cord all the way so that it stops poking into the screen.

Episode 38: A Dark Balance

Since it's Halloween, everyone's in costume as the X-Men!
- Matt is Gambit since that allows him to not wear a wig and introduces the show with his signature Cajun accent. He also takes to chucking cards at Sam when he tries to mess around with the rest of the table, and the players keep complaining that his black and red contacts make it really hard to see where he's looking.
- Taliesin is Mr. Sinister and laments that he does have to wear a wig.
- Liam O'Brien is dressed as ''"Best boy" Nightcrawler was too much time and effort for me to do in two weeks, so I chose Cyclops instead".
- Laura is Rogue.
- Ashley totally knows who Emma Frost is, and didn't just dress as her because she's blonde.
- Sam is Mr. Fantastic, complete with comically long arms.
- Marisha is Dark Phoenix, but it's illegal to sell colored contact lenses in California without a prescription, so she has to rely on the post-team to make her eyes glow.
  Liam: Why is she wearing a propeller beanie though?!
  Marisha: (now with glowing eyes and a propeller hat) You shut up!
- Travis is too tall to be Wolverine, so he's dressed as Piotr Rasputin "cosplaying" as Wolverine.
Sam's ad read uses a green screen behind Travis and Marisha, where he allegedly has a slideshow of scary images to play behind them. Travis and Marisha end up picking a giant nose, run away in terror from adorable kittens, and stab Travis in the face.
Their Halloween costumes are apparently diegetic, as Laudna pouts over Orym getting "cool sunglasses" while she was dead, and Ashton going to the dinner with the De Rolos in full cosplay as Mister Sinister.
Laura gets so stressed over Laudna's resurrection she gets a nosebleed.
Pike extremely tactfully responding to the Hells' assessment of the end of their battle.
Pike: Not to burst your bubble at all but we've also 'killed Delilah'. A couple times.
Pike chugs half an entire pitcher of water out of stress before she proceeds with the ressurection ceremony and offers the rest to Orym. Out of habit, Liam-as-Orym reaches up to take it and holds it as if it's twice the size of his body, only for everyone to point out that Pike is a gnome and that they'd be the exact same height. Cue Travis in-character as Chetney panicking that Delilah's cursed Orym to shrink.
Laura: [miming lifting up her skirt] WHERE IS HE?
Pike finishes the resurrection but is still unsure as she feels for Laudna's breath. The group confirm she hardly ever breathes. So Pike takes the initiative to slap Laudna, causing Laudna to sit up in shock.
Pike checks Laudna and says "It's definitely her."
Imogen: Her—"her"? Laudna "her?"
Pike: Laudna! Yes! Sorry, I shoulda specified. That's on me. Sorry, it's Laudna.
Laudna, mid-panic attack, wide-eyed and openly terrified, shakily manages to ask how long she's been dead. Without missing a beat:
Chetney: Years.
Fearne: This is all that's left.
Imogen: It's been a couple days, Laud—
Chetney: No, this is all that's left. These fine people are gonna help us rebuild society.
- Chetney claims that Vex is "with him" and Matt describes Vex pulling back on her bow again. Chetney immediately backpedals and claims it was a joke.
Laudna meets Pike and Marisha asks if Laudna would know who she was. Matt asks her to roll a History check and she rolls an 8.
Laura: Aww, you woke up stupid!
Marisha: Intelligence of 6! I know what I'm doin'!
Laudna meeting Vex is emotionally complicated for both of them, but some things are universal constants.
Laudna: You're...very pretty.
Vex: Well, yes.
Laudna telling Percy she named Pâté after Percy's family, calling him his "long lost cousin". You can tell Percy is doing everything he can to remain diplomatic.
Laudna asks Percy to touch the Sun Tree, as she's fascinated by its warmth. Percy is weirded out by her request, but Vex not so subtily pushes him to just do it.
Percy: (sigh) You're gonna make me do a Keyleth thing, aren't you?
- Vex and Pike touch the tree as well, followed by the rest of the Hells. F.C.G. pretends to be able to feel the warmth, Vex gently teases Percy for never having touched the Sun Tree before, Chetney seems a little turned on, and Ashton hangs back to laugh at the scene before Orym physically grabs their wrist and slaps their hand onto the tree.
Fearne asks Pike for a hug, and the entire table groans. Fearne attempts to steal the crest of the Everlight, and fails as Pike untangles it from her fur. However, she winks knowingly at Fearne.
Pike: So! Feel free to come by the bakery. Where I can see you. In plain sight. At all times.
Pâté can now be summoned as a familiar, and he can now interact with the group. You can see how Laudna is instantly regretting giving Pâté his particular personality as he flirts with both Imogen and Fearne.
FCG: So, this spell lasts like a minute or...?
Laudna: This spell... just lasts.
FCG: That's great news!
When announcing they're going to serve the Hells dinner, Vex immediately lets Laudna know the dining area has changed to somewhere else.
Fearne manages to persuade Percy to give Mister a gun.
Liam: This is how Planet of the Apes starts.
- Then when Percy asks to see Mister to gauge his size, Fearne calls out for Mister. He appears and starts messing up the table with the party groaning in despair.
Percy: So. This is your monkey. (beat) I don't know what I was expecting.
- When he gives the gun to her (essentially a miniature potato cannon), Fearne asks if it would be possible to put black powder in it. Percy pauses before replying "It's your lesson to learn."
- Before he gets up, Matt describes Percy emptying his half-filled goblet of red wine.
Imogen telepathically talks to Vex, awkwardly asking to confirm that the final course wouldn't be lobster since that was one of Laudna's final meals. Vex thanks Imogen for the heads up and then immediately excuses herself to check something quickly. The final course that eventually appears is a "hastily prepared" potato soup.
Liam: Put 'em back in the tanks! Back in the tanks!
Percival de Rolo, slayer of gods, Lord of Whitestone, joins Imogen in her ongoing struggle to convince F.C.G. that Exandria is round, sitting in a parlor of his ancestral home and explaining exasperatedly that "[The world] is. Not flat."
During a touching moment, Orym yanks Ashton down low enough to give them a noogie... apparently forgetting that Ashton's hair is made of very sharp and spiky crystal, immediately ripping the skin off his knuckles.
Throughout the latter half of their time in Whitestone, Travis repeatedly makes hilariously unsubtle overtures that he wants to see the de Rolo children.
Matthew McConoughtree returns as Fearne learns Speak With Plants to talk to the Sun Tree!
- She asks how long the Sun Tree has been in Whitestone and if it predates Ruidus; the Sun Tree confirms that Ruidus has been there at least as long as it's been planted.
Travis: Leaves come and go, I stay the same age!
FCG tries to Send a message to Manaia Turei, but due to their inexperience it comes out something like a certain trickster cleric’s attempt to contact a wizard. After casting the spell twice, they were barely able to make themselves understood.
FCG: "It's Bell's Hells. If you are awake, we are at the Sun Tree in Whitestone and require transportation back to Jrusar. Don't reply to this message until—fuck!"
FCG: "We're Eshteross's friends! Could you open portal to Sun Tree in exact two hour? Did hear me...in sleep? Did you hear me in your sleep? Reply!"
As they discuss Ruidus with Vex, F.C.G. mimes the sky and land being parallel to each other. The Hells sigh and wonder how they can fix this with Imogen saying during their shared dream she tried to hold F.C.G. up to see that the world of Exandria is round.
Liam falls over like a tree silently laughing as Marisha tries to figure out her new spell to see through her familiar's eyes.
Since Laudna is back, the rest of the table adding creepy whispering to her Messages are back too! And then there's Sam.
Sam: Cappucino!
As Chetney checks for traps in Eshteross's manor, he accidentally triggers one, causing a large pillar to fall on him and Esheteross's dead body. Chetney immediately apologizes.
While reading Eshteross's will, Chetney speeds through the "fucking purple prose".
- While most of the letter is filled with the aforementioned Purple Prose, it ends with "Now go stop this weird moon shit."
- Chetney also gets insulted when he's referred to as the "small one" when the other Hells are named.
- Travis feigns as if he is not going to read the last page of Eshteross's will and Laura proceeds to yell at her husband in a manner and tone of voice similar to an exasperated mother scolding a child.
  Laura: Do not, do not do that, Travis Willingham! That is not acceptable.
- Then Travis mimes Chetney taking out a torch... so he can read the letter more clearly.
- The players are trying to remain solemn in this moment, but they still can't help but get excited when they hear that Eshteross had bequeathed them the usage of the Silver Sun skyship in his will.

Funny / Critical Role The Sands And The Boughs

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