Characters / Father Ted

Characters appearing in Father Ted:

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Craggy Island Parochial House

Father Ted

Father Ted Crilly

Played by: Dermot Morgan

An eternally unlucky priest and mild buffoon.

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• All of the Other Reindeer: He attended Saint Colm's seminary, and was bullied by the other novices, who nicknamed him Father Fluffybottom after seeing his backside in the showers.
• Amusing Injuries: Suffers plenty of these. Of particular note is when he falls off the Crane Of Doom and winds up in several casts.
  • Self-inflicted when he jumps down the stairs to distract Bishop Brennan, and when he chickens out on kicking him up the arse Ted jumps out of the window.
• Anti-Hero: Ted is a corrupt, smug and selfish guy, but he's also the only person on Craggy Island who is even slightly sensible and competent, so it's not hard to sympathize with him.
• Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: While he spends most of his time with Dougal being frustrated with his idiocy, he sheds tears of almost fatherly pride when watching him head out on his first day as a milkman in "Speed 3". In the same episode, he shows immediate fear for Dougal's safety when he finds out his milk float has been rigged with a bomb, and jumps into action to rescue him first thing.
• Berserk Button: Being made out to be a lesser man than he views himself, especially if Dick Byrne is the one who does it:
  OH, I HATE FATHER DICK BYRNE!
• Big Brother Instinct: He has this towards Dougal, as revealed in the Christmas episode:
  Mrs Doyle: Father, while you were out for your walk, we had a phone call. I think you were supposed to do a funeral today...
  Ted: The funeral! I completely forgot all about it!
  Mrs Doyle: It's alright! Father McGuire said he'd do it.
  Ted: That's ok so...[Beat] DOUGAL'S DOING A FUNERAL?!! YOU LET DOUGAL DO A FUNERAL?!!!!
  • It crops up again when Dougal's life is put at risk by Mustard in "Speed 3".
• Big Ol' Eyebrows: His large black eyebrows are a stark contrast to his grey hair.
• Boke and Tsukkomi Routine: With Dougal, where he is the Tsukkomi.
• Bunny-Ears Lawyer: He's a very good priest according to nuns and other priests. He even wins a Golden Cleric in the Christmas special. He just can't be trusted with money.
• Butt-Monkey: Things never go his way. Any time he makes any gains, karma ends up taking them away.
• Celibate Hero: Well, he tries to be one. It's played with though, as he was tempted by a novelist who later decides to become a nun, makes comments about the bottoms of contestants in the Lovely Girls Competition and has dreams about Assumpta.
• Composite Character: Between the Father Ted character that series co-creator Arthur Mathews played in his live stand-up, and, to a much smaller degree, to a character named Father Trendy that Dermot Morgan played earlier in his career.
• Deadpan Snarker: As the Only Sane Man in a parish full of Cloudcuckoolanders, he often makes quips about the situation he's in.
• Does Not Like Spam: He hates egg sandwiches. Even the thought of them brings him out in a rash. Unfortunately for him, Mrs Doyle forgets this and gives him several large bags full of them before he goes on a picnic.
• Driven to Suicide: The original ending for the series finale would been a Brick Joke in which Ted sees Father Kevin once again contemplating jumping off a ledge. Having finally been broken from the realisation of being stuck in Craggy Island forever, Ted would have this time joined him. The ending was cut however due to the creators finding it unfunny and instead closed things with a more heartwarming montage.
• Embarrassing Nickname: Father Fluffy Bottom, as explained in Flight Into Terror and A Christmassy Ted.
  Father Joe Briefly: Oh yes! Because he had a big pile of fluffy white hair on his behind!
  "Father Todd Unctious": Do you still have the big old hairy arse?
• Expy: Word of God says he was inspired by Lenny Cantrow from The Heartbreak Kid.
  • He's loosely based on another Dermot Morgan character called Father Brian Trendy, himself being a No Celebrities Were Harmed version of Father Brian D'Arcy.
• Flanderization: His Schemer traits become more pronounced as the series goes on, to the point where he comes off as a much shiftier character by the later episodes.
• The Gambling Addict: Hinted to be the reason behind "the Lourdes thing". He certainly seems very keen on going to Las Vegas for a Catholic priest, bets the entire winter's heating budget on The King Of The Sheep competition and is often seen making comically small bets with Father Dick Byrne. He's nowhere near as bad as Father Billy "The Spinmaster" though.
• Glory Seeker: He wants nothing more than to be a rich celebrity, likely as a way to escape Craggy Island, and he's frequently trying to get on TV in vain attempts to gain quick fame.
• Good Shepherd: Spoofed. He's a literal good shepherd, possessing "an intuitive understanding of sheep" that he certainly doesn't have for humans.
• Hates the Job, Loves the Limelight: He doesn't seem to have much interest in being a priest, but he takes full advantage of the fact that it's an easy job by sleeping in, using the confessional for juicy gossip and obtaining discounts. He goes into full-on ego mode when he's awarded the Golden Cleric in the Christmas special.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Dougal, though more because there's really nobody else for him to talk to on Craggy Island and Dougal won't leave him alone.
• Informed Ability: A subtle one — one of his lapel badges is a Fáinne, which is worn by people who are fluent in the Irish language (Gaelic). On no occasion does Ted use this skill. He could be lying about it, though, as the other badge is that of the Pioneer Total Abstinence Association (a Roman Catholic teetotaler organisation), and he's seen drinking alcohol on several occasions.
• Innocent Bigot: Happens to him in "Are You Right There, Father Ted", partly thanks to a lampshade being used as a stereotypical Asian hat.
• Insistent Terminology: That money was only resting in his account.
  • Also, it wasn't hair on his buttocks. It was downy fluff.
• Intergenerational Friendship: He's around two decades Dougal's senior, but they're best friends nonetheless. Mostly because Dougal is the only person around for Ted to be friends with.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: How the show's creators describe him. He's greedy and often selfish but he's also genuinely friendly and he's well liked by most of his peers and parishioners.
• Know-Nothing Know-It-All: He's only smart in comparison to the idiots he's forced to hang around with. Morgan described him as "an idiot who thinks he knows something but actually knows nothing."
• Locked Away in a Monastery/The Un-Favourite: The reason he became a priest.
  Father Ted: That would be quite common you know. The favourite son would become a doctor and then the idiot brother would be sent off to the priesthood.
  Father Dougal: Your brother is a doctor, isn't he?
  Father Ted: Yes, he is.
• Made of Iron: He dives down an entire flight of stairs and leaps out of an upstairs window to apparently little effect.
• Mr. Vice Guy: Ted is generally vain, lazy and scheming, but is also a fairly amiable and sympathetic character. If he were a normal person he would not be considered particularly admirable, but also not particularly threatening. Despite this, the fact that he's a priest, who is supposed to provide moral and spiritual guidance to others makes his behavior much less acceptable, to the point where you could make a strong argument for him being a Sinister Minister.
• Nerves of Steel: He's absolutely great in a crisis, such as taking charge and saving the day during a plane disaster or when trying to sneak a large group of priests out of a lingerie section. He notes that he always worries about the worst case scenario and when the worst actually does happen, he has nothing more to worry about. Subverted when he actually saves the day and realises where he is.
• Nice Mean And In Between: The in-between. He's by no means a Nice Guy, but he's got nothing on Jack in the Jerkass department.
• Only Sane by Comparison: He's normal when put against the other oddball inhabitants of Craggy Island but he still has more than a few strange and sleazy quirks that set him apart from most people.
• Parental Substitute: More or less acts as Dougal's father, despite Dougal being a fully grown man. Arguably, Jack is this to him, in the sense of being the elderly parent he looks after.
• Properly Paranoid: In "Escape From Victory", he's convinced that Father Dick Byrne has the house bugged to spy on his tactics for the over 75 all priest soccer match and has the house torn apart looking for recording devices. Turns out that Dick really has the house under surveillance by waiting outside with a directional microphone in an ice cream van.
• Real Men Wear Pink: He's rather fond of romance novels, especially Polly Clarke's work.
• Reassigned to Antarctica: After misappropriating funding from a sick child who was supposed to go to Lourdes, he fecks off to Las Vegas. Bishop Brennan piles him off the Craggy Island with Dougal and Jack. Between the Christmas special and series 3, he manages to get sent to a decent parish in Dublin, but some discrepancies in his personal expense accounts get him sent right back.
• Schemer: Constantly trying to con his way out of doing work or to get fame and fortune. It's what got him exiled in the first place.
• Sinister Minister: A milder example. While Dougal and Jack are both simply crazy idiots, Ted is legitimately corrupt — being a known embezzler ("the money was just resting in my account!") and gambling addict. He's not generally malicious in his tendencies, and does have sympathetic values, but is not remotely virtuous enough for priesthood, having many vices and zero will-power.
• Small Name, Big Ego: It helps that Craggy Island is so isolated that it allows him to bolster his undeserved ego even more.
• Stay in the Kitchen: His general attitude towards women is old fashioned. Laura Sweeney is implied to have beaten him up offscreen for suggesting that she's not a solicitor despite being the senior partner at her firm, and he clashes with Niamh Connolly when she moves to Craggy Island over his attitude towards Mrs Doyle's duties in the parochial house and his treatment of the contestants in The Lovely Girls competition. That said, his treatment of Mrs Doyle is somewhat exaggerated in that particular episode, presumably to ramp up the tension with Niamh.
• Stealing from the Till: Apparently a repeat offender, with "that Lourdes thing" in the backstory and questions about his expense claims at the start of Series 3.
• Surrounded by Idiots: He's the Only Sane Man on an entire island populated by Cloudcuckoolanders.
• The Unfavorite: Says that a lot of middle-class Irish families send their favourite son to become a doctor and the idiot son to be a priest. Dougal then points out that Ted's brother is a doctor.
• Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: He's normal, sure, but that normalness actually makes him come off worse compared to the rest of the cast since he has no excuse for his actions. He does have sympathetic or conflicted moments, but generally his complete lack of will-power overpowers his virtues.
• Wrong Genre Savvy: The Whole-Plot Reference of "Speed 3" goes completely over his head. When he finally turns to a movie for inspiration in resolving the conflict, his mind goes to The Poseidon Adventure because Gene Hackman plays a priest in it.

Father Dougal

Father Dougal McGuire

Played by: Ardal O'Hanlon

The assistant priest. Has enough brain cells to count on one hand, and a complete lack of common sense.

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• Animal Motifs: Ardal O'Hanlon drew inspiration from dogs:
  I saw Dougal as very doglike, very puppyish and lovable, and really loyal to Ted.
• Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Dougal's attention span is so short that he often forgets events and conversations as soon as they happen. The only times his memory is reliable is whenever something is embarrassing or inconvenient to Ted.
• The Baby of the Bunch: While Ted and Mrs. Doyle are middle-aged and Jack is a decrepit old man, Dougal is relatively young, and generally acts and is treated like a small child by the other three.
• Boke and Tsukkomi Routine: With Ted, where he is the boke.
• Bumbling Sidekick: He's Ted's idiotic curate. Ted tries to keep him away from as much of the parish as possible with good reason.
• Cannot Tell Fiction from Reality: Has to keep a list of things that don't really exist and has a chart that shows real and not real.
• Casual Sports Jersey: He wears an Ireland football shirt to bed. Dougal even provides the trope image.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Believes that the Loch Ness Monster, Magnum, P.I., Darth Vader and "Non-Catholic gods" are real people and has to have a chart to differentiate between dreams and reality. Bizarrely, he also openly considers all of Catholicism to be a load of nonsense, despite being a Catholic priest.
• Comically Missing the Point: Attempting to explain things to Dougal is a pointless endeavor.
• Depth Deception: Can't comprehend the difference between something being small and something being far away.
• The Ditz: He's not an intelligent man, to say the least. He also falls victim to Comically Missing the Point very frequently.
  • Genius Ditz: Sometimes, he actually comes up with a decent plan much to Ted's (and his own) amazement and is more observant than he seems.
• Dumbass Has a Point: When he points out the flaws in one of Ted's schemes, you know it's a particularly bad one.
• Dumb Is Good: He's not a schemer like Ted, and generally comes off as much nicer.
• Empty Eyes: His usual expression is a wide eyed stare that suggests (correctly) there's not much going on behind it.
• First-Name Basis: Always called Bishop Brennan "Len" rather than his proper title, no matter how many times he's instructed to do so.
• Flanderization: Inverted. While Dougal himself never exactly becomes any smarter, his tendency to point out the flaws in Ted's schemes increases as the series goes on. Rather than make Dougal seem any more intelligent, this has the effect of making Ted seem like more of an idiot.
• Genki Guy: He's an awkward, childish and kind young man who is always brimming with misplaced energy and enthusiasm.
• Good Is Dumb: He's not corrupt like Ted is, but he's much, much dumber.
• Hates the Job, Loves the Limelight: He doesn't seem to have any religious convictions, even admitting he finds Catholicism as a whole to be "a bit of a puzzler" and expressing doubts about an afterlife. Ted even asks if he entered the clergy of "collect twelve crisp packets and become a priest". But like Ted, he enjoys the relaxed work schedule and gossiping about confessions.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Ted, though primarily on his end.
• Hidden Depths:
  • He's a surprisingly good judge of character.
  • When discussing his disastrous first (and only) day as a milkman with Ted in "Speed 3", he says that the "real world" outside of the priesthood is a scary place; implying that on some level he also recognizes how absurd and pointless his Reassigned to Antarctica position on Craggy Island is.
• Innocently Insensitive: His efforts to be a good and supportive friend to Ted generally result in him unwittingly pointing out Ted's various failings.
• Intergenerational Friendship: Ted is around two decades older than him, but they're still inseparable friends. Mostly because Ted doesn't have anywhere else to go or anyone else to talk to.
• Kiddie Kid: Dougal's interests are generally comparable to those of a four-year-old.
• Kindhearted Simpleton: Dougal is a moron, but also hands down the nicest character in the cast.
• Lethally Stupid: It's implied the Noodle Incident that got him sent to Craggy Island killed, or at least crippled, a lot of nuns. He's also responsible for a plane dumping its fuel by pressing a Big Red Button. His actions at a funeral somehow resulted in the hearse catching fire and being driven into a grave.
• Literal-Minded: He interprets a lot of things literally.
• The Load: Never really contributes much to Ted's schemes besides being an occasional hindrance to them. That said, he's at least someone that Ted can hold a semi-decent conversation with, which is more than can be said of most of Craggy Island's inhabitants. And since Ted himself is hardly a mastermind, he's often just as guilty of ruining his schemes as Dougal is.
• Made of Iron: Dougal was struck by lightning once. Apparently the only effect was balloons kept sticking to him.
  • In "Cigarettes, Alcohol and Rollerblading", as Sister Assumpta is giving him a Chinese burn and biting him as part of his "Daily Punishment", he just looks around like an idiot without reacting to any of the pain.
• Manchild: Even though he's in his mid twenties, Mrs. Doyle bathes him and Ted treats him like an unruly preteen.
• Morality Pet: Sometimes acts as one to Ted.
• Mysterious Past: All that's known of his personal life is that he has parents and an uncle who are all deceased. More to the point, the why and how he entered the Catholic Church and became an ordained priest is never touched upon.
  Ted: Dougal, how did you get into the Church? Was it, like, collect twelve crisp packets and become a priest?
• Nice Guy: At least when opposite Fathers Ted and Jack.
• Nice Mean And In Between: The nice. Ted is at best a Jerk with a Heart of Gold while Jack is a full on Jerkass, but Dougal is a bonafide Nice Guy who is almost never intentionally mean to anyone.
• Not Distracted by the Sexy: In "Speed 3" he doesn't notice the surprising amount of naked women presenting themselves for Pat Mustard. He finally realises at the end the episode when he shouts "Those women were in the nip!".
• The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Doesn't really do anything around the parish. Justified, though, since the one time he does a funeral, it ends up as a complete disaster. He even comments in "Speed 3" he does "flip all" around the house.
• Prone to Sunburn: Dougal doesn't take the sun very well when he travels. A series of pictures shows him with a lobster-red complexion in front of the Taj Mahal, the Vatican, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and even the Eiffel Tower.
• Reassigned to Antarctica: His reason for being sent to Craggy Island is a bit of a Noodle Incident, but whatever happened supposedly irreparably damaged the lives of several nuns and was serious enough that the Vatican would have gotten involved had Bishop Brennan not called in a fair few favours.
• Sarcasm-Blind: Due to his stupidity, he often mistakes Ted's snarkiness for genuine comments.
• Sidekick: His primary function is to be Ted's.
• The Skeptic: Played for laughs. He's doubtful that there is a God, despite being a priest. Hilariously enough, he has no problem believing in things like aliens and the Loch Ness Monster.
• Token Good Teammate: While he's a destructive idiot, Dougal isn't corrupt like Ted and Jack are.
• Unwitting Pawn: Almost never totally conscious of the fact that Ted uses him as a stooge for various schemes.
• The Watson: Constantly asks Ted for explanations about almost everything, even very basic things that he has no reason to not know about.

Father Jack

Father Jack Hackett

Played by: Frank Kelly

An alcoholic of a priest, with a vocabulary consisting of "Feck", "Arse", "Girls" and "Drink!"

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• Acquired Poison Immunity: Can apparently drink Toilet Duck with very few ill effects (aside from the hallucinations, and even those aren't so serious that he can't pass Ted's tests), and while he may have been in a very deep sleep in the episode where everyone thought he'd died from imbibing floor polish, he got better. There is also the implication at the end of that same episode that the other priests will now try to poison him deliberately, and he survives that too.
• The Alcoholic: Only appears to be sober once every twelve years or so. Whenever he does run out of booze, he'll drink whatever else he can find, including Toilet Duck, brake fluid and floor polish.
• Ambiguously Bi: A skirt-chasing horndog who in one episode climbs naked into bed with Bishop Brennan (albeit while sleepwalking), later wakes up, smiles at Brennan and then goes back to sleep still in the bed with him.
• Badass Preacher: A really really bad example of one sure, but Jack is still a priest. He's certainly a tough man and capable of punching Ted so hard that he's blown out a window.
• Beauty Inversion: Jack is a truly hideous sight but Frank Kelly is a charming, well-groomed older gentleman as we see in the final episode during Ted's image of Jack as a kindly grandfather figure.
• Berserk Button: Do not even try to take his precious drink away from him.
  • When Ted mentions that Father Stone is staying, Ted dons American football gear before breaking the news to him. Jack punches him so hard, he is blown out the window.
  • In another episode, when the roof is leaking and he ends up drinking from one of the buckets by mistake.
    Ted: Don't drink that, father! That's—
    Jack: [spits it out] FECKING WATER!
• Broken Pedestal: Ted seems to respect Jack in the early seasons despite having pretty much no reason to, even giving a glowing and blatantly false assessment of his character when he thinks he's died, but grows to hate him over the course of their time together, openly cheering when he finds out Jack will have to be sent away and relishing telling him as much. Given Jack's personality, such a shift in perspective is completely understandable.
• Bunny-Ears Lawyer: He is not a smart man in general, but he is incredibly knowledgeable when it comes to alcohol. As far as wine is concerned, he can recognize the brand and VINTAGE just by the sound of the clinking bottles.
• Character Catchphrase: "Arse", "Drink", "Feck" and "Girls". When the bishops come to visit, his vocabulary gets upgraded to "that would be an ecumenical matter", a catch-all phrase that can be used in any conversation about religion.
• Character Development: A minor case: Throughout season one, there was a running gag of him downing anything that would have an effect on him, regardless of whether it was meant for human consumption. The season ends with a near-tragic incident involving a bottle of floor polish; from then on out, he sticks to alcohol.
• Child Hater /Friend to All Children: Has been said to be both of these depending on the episode. According to Ted, he's affected by the changing of the seasons. For brief periods during leap years, he is seen skipping and playing with children.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Being both senile and perpetually drunk (and implied to be somewhat Ax-Crazy at the best of times) this is to be expected. "The Plague" gives us this gem while in "Hell" Jack gives us this. When he sobers up, he's nearly worse, considering that he has little memory of the last twelve years.
• Cool Old Guy: Averted. Ted often treats him like this, especially in the first season, but Jack is anything but.
• Dirty Old Man: Is he ever? Has dreams about wet t-shirt contests and teenage girls playing volleyball. Since he is stated to have worked in a girls' school at some point, it could well be that he insisted on supervising the PE lessons just so he could lech at the girls in their gym kit.
• Dirty Old Monk: Being a priest never stopped him from chasing sex.
• Does Not Like Spam: He absolutely hates tea, mostly because it's a non-alcoholic liquid.
  Mrs. Doyle: And what do you say to a cup?
  Father Jack: FECK OFF, CUP!
• The Dreaded: Is this to anyone who has even the remotest trace of sense. Those without soon learn why other people step carefully around him.
  • Inverted, though, if Ted gets drunk enough — then Jack gives him a wide berth.
• Einstein Hair: His hair is as wild as he is. Except when Ted cleans him up for some visiting bishops.
• Ephebophile: If his dreams about taking the girls in the convent school for volleyball practice are any indication. Note that this scene gets misinterpreted as him dreaming about the girls being topless, when the teacher clearly states they're to leave off their tracksuit (warmup suit in the US?) tops and would be wearing t-shirts underneath. However, it doesn't make him any less disturbing.
• Extreme Omnivore: In season one, he would drink almost anything, including Toilet Duck and floor polish. The only liquids he won't drink are tea and water.
• Evil Mentor: It's referenced in one episode that one of his former students, who claimed to be inspired entirely by him, grew up to cause a massacre of some sort.
• Evil Old Folks: Well into his later years and a violent, malevolent drunk that hurts people just for fun.
• Fighting Irish: The most violent member of the cast, generally getting him angry (or annoyed) results him in attacking everything in his path.
• Foreign Culture Fetish: He stands to attention, salutes and sings whenever he hears the national anthem... of France.
• For the Evulz: As Ted put it, whenever he would hurt or assault anyone it wasn't out of anger (except on occasions it was) it was because "he found it funny".
• Friend to All Living Things: But only for a short period during leap years. Rabbits are also instinctively attracted to him for some reason.
• Go Mad from the Revelation: "DON'T TELL ME I'M STILL ON THAT FECKIN' ISLAND!"
• Gonk: His appearance gets more dishevelled and downright frightening as the series goes on. A group of people who encounter him naked out in the woods and are genuinely freaked out by his appearance.
• Grumpy Old Man: Is almost never in a good mood, the closest you can get is when presenting him with unnatural quantities of alcohol.
• Hair-Trigger Temper: He can be aggressive. For example, in "The Passion of St Tibulus", when Bishop Brennan wakes him up, Jack punches him in the face while shouting "Feck off!", while in the episode "The Mainland", Jack is arrested for punching a man he had met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting earlier that evening, after the man saw him in a bar and tried to stop him from drinking. He is also shown to have a habit of destroying the television by throwing bottles containing alcohol at it and blowing it up, leading to Ted telling Dougal not to turn the television on when Jack is sleeping in the room.
• Handicapped Badass: He's blind in one eye and requires a wheelchair to travel most distances, though this doesn't hinder his ability to punch a grown man through a window.
• Hidden Depths: After much coaching, Ted manages to get him to learn the phrase "That would be an ecumenical matter" to use in conversation. He was also smart enough to keep the video he found of Bishop Brennan's son to use as blackmail.
  • It is also implied (on the rare occasion he actually sobers up) that he turned to drink in part because he was stuck on "that fecking island!"
  • Jack is also an avid Francophile and, according to Ted, an exceptionally skilled football player, at least in his youth. Although he never had a trial with Liverpool; he had in fact been on trial in Liverpool.
  • He can be surprisingly articulate at times, giving an unusually intense speech about the old women in "Night Of The Nearly Dead" that would be right at home in a horror film.
• Hulk Speak: Almost never speaks in sentences consisting of more than one word. Subverted in "Tentacles Of Doom" when Ted manages to teach him to say the phrase "That would be an ecumenical matter", albeit in his usual manner.
• Jerkass: He won't be helpful at best and at worst, will physically attack people for slight infractions.
• Large Ham: Even when he isn't fully shouting, he's bombastic.
• Made of Iron: Has survived years of chronic alcoholism and the consumption of various cleaning products little lasting damage.
• Nice Mean And In Between: The mean. He's a horrible, unpleasant guy who makes the flawed Ted look like a saint in comparison.
• No Indoor Voice: Comes with the fact that most of his dialogue is shouting single words.
• Not Quite Dead: After drinking floor polish, he only appears to be dead temporarily.
• The Pig-Pen: Not only is his personal hygiene suspect, but it spreads to the chair he sits on and the wall behind him. In fact, he gets hairy hands because Dougal fails to disinfect his chair and he produces so much earwax that Ted and Dougal are able to make candles out of it.
• Politically Incorrect Villain: According to Ted and Dougal, he hates the sick and poor and refers to the needy as a "shower of bastards".
• Racist Grandpa: "The Plague" suggests that he has something against Japanese people. He's also seen wearing a Nazi uniform in "Are You Right There, Father Ted?".
• Reassigned to Antarctica: Technically, it's retirement for him, but his boozing and skirt chasing is what gets him sent to Craggy Island to be kept out of the way.
• Sadist Teacher: We see a couple of flashbacks to his younger years when he taught and he's seen beating a student with a hurley and setting a fire on a desk while telling a class of young primary school boys that "You'll burn for all eternity in hell!"
• Secretly Wealthy: Turns out he has £500,000 in his bank account, which he leaves to Ted and Dougal in his will. Of course, given the fact that drinking floor polish only leaves him Not Quite Dead, it's unlikely that they'll ever see it.
• Sinister Minister: As shown in flashbacks, even before his alcoholism he was pure fire and brimstone preacher who terrified his students with threats of damnation and personally dished out regular beatings with at least one student having on to commit a massacre. Played for Laughs obviously.
• Sir Swears-a-Lot: Given that about a quarter of his speech is the word "feck" and another quarter is "arse", this definitely applies.
• Super-Senses: Zig Zagged. Sometimes he's deaf, other times, he can identify alcohol by the sound of clinking bottles alone.
• Super Window Jump: Tends to do this a lot. Gets lampshaded in the Christmas special, where Ted has had plexiglass installed to stop him doing this.
• Undiscriminating Addict: As long as it gives him an alcoholic buzz, he does not care. In the series' second episode alone he spends a whole act in the hospital after imbibing a cocktail of Babycham and Harpic cleaner, and in a latter episode, he is believed to be dead for a little while after drinking floor polish.
• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: He has a fear of nuns; in "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading", upon seeing Sister Assumpta and learning that she is a nun, he runs screaming out of the window; in "And God Created Woman", he immediately cries "Nuns! Nuns! Reverse! Reverse! Reverse! Reverse!" when Mrs. Doyle pushes his wheelchair into a room where a group of nuns are sitting; and in "New Jack City," when Ted talks about sending him to a hospital where he'll be fussed over by nuns, Jack runs out of the house and tries to escape on a ride-on mower.

Mrs. Doyle

Mrs. Joan Doyle

Played by: Pauline McLynn

The housekeeper. Takes her tea making very seriously.

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• All There in the Script: Her first name.
• All Women Are Prudes: She's very critical of Polly's romantic novels.
• Beware the Nice Ones: Usually quite sweet, but she's got a few Suddenly Shouting and Laughing Mad moments hinting at a not-so-nice side. And there was that time she got into a knock-down fistfight with a good friend when they both wanted to pay the check at a tea house.
• Blind Without 'Em: "Tentacles Of Doom" reveals that she wears contact lenses, which were stolen by a dog. Her hilariously awful glasses are woefully inadequate substitutes, as she still can't see the three purple-clad bishops who are visiting the house.
• Butt-Monkey: She frequently suffers accidents while attending to her chores, such as falling off the roof, falling down the stairs and especially plummeting head-first out of the large window frame in the front room.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Has an obsession with tea and housework to the point where she waits up all night with a cup of tea in case anybody wants one in the middle of the night. She even burns the furniture when Ted is going to leave for America.
• Crazy-Prepared: On all matters related to tea at least. She keeps special "Sheep tea" in the house in case any sheep needs a cup and will often wait up all night with a fresh cup of tea in hand just in case anybody needs one in the middle of the night.
• Female Misogynist: She's noticeably colder and less welcoming to women (who aren't nuns, at least.)
• Gonk: Not nearly to the same degree as Jack, but her actress is intentionally done up to look as dowdy and unappealing as possible, to the point where some might mistake her for a man in drag until she speaks in her naturally high-pitched voice.
• Last-Name Basis: Everybody addresses her as Mrs. Doyle.
• Mysterious Past: Little is known about Mrs. Doyle's life outside of her housekeeping job. Her name implies that she has a husband, or at least had one in the past, but she defensibly changes the subject whenever he comes up and she has no problem being openly attracted to and having affairs with other men.
• Nice Girl: Generally very friendly, though her often passive-aggressive attitude can make her pretty obnoxious.
• No Full Name Given: Her first name is only revealed in the original scripts, and never used onscreen.
• Passive Aggressive Combat: A master of this. Her defining character trait is passive-aggressively forcing Ted to have some of her tea and biscuits whether he wants them or not. The one time Ted was immediately willing to comply, she acts as though he's simply doing so to humour her.
• Sarcasm-Blind: Has trouble understanding sarcasm.
• Suspiciously Specific Denial: She certainly does not like the idea of having rough sex with a man. No sir.
• Team Mom: Cooks, cleans and serves tea for the three priests, and occasionally acts like a doting mother towards Dougal.

Clergy

Bishop Brennan

Bishop Len Brennan

Played by: Jim Norton

A corrupt bishop and perpetual thorn in Ted's side.

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• Arch-Enemy: Essentially acts as one to Ted, alongside Dick Byrne.
• Badass Cape: Not even Vader's cape can billow like Brennan's.
• Badass Preacher: A corrupt Bishop, but a Bishop never the less. Also don't get him angry, as he can easily rip doors off their hinges or shatter them with his bare hands, and is capable of kicking Ted 20 feet in the air. Jack can still kick his ass though.
• Bad Boss: Doesn't exactly hold Ted, Dougal or Jack in high regard.
  Brennan: And Crilly? If you ever try to bullshit me like that again, I will rip off your arms.
  • Though on occasions when Ted seems to injure himself, he often shows sincere concern (unless it's him who is hurting Ted).
  • Part of his duties is overseeing the various Irish parishes within his jurisdiction but he seemingly spends most of his time living lavishly in America, only returning when there's an issue that could potentially embarrass him or the Church.
• Berserk Button:
  • Never kick him up the behind unless you're looking for trouble.
  • Being addressed by anything other than his title or 'Your Grace', ESPECIALLY being referred to as 'Len'
    Brennan: You address me by my proper title, you little bollocks!
  • He also really does not like rabbits after getting stuck in a lift with some that started nibbling his cape.
• Do Not Call Me "Paul": See above
• The Dreaded: Especially against Ted (simply cause Ted is the only one smart enough to understand how intimidating he is). Ted even takes advantage of this, and is almost successful when he "kicks him up the arse", because he is supposedly too afraid of Brennan to actually do it, so the Bishop assumes that he can only have imagined it. It nearly works.
• Dirty Old Monk: Has a secret son in America and has been carrying on affairs in secret.
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: He's shown to be fond and caring toward his secret son and mistress in America, even keeping incriminating home movies of them all having fun at the beach on his person. Pretty notable given that most Priests and Bishops with illegitimate children in real life refused to have anything to do with them to protect their careers.
• Even Evil Has Standards: He may be an extremely corrupt bishop who had a secret son but in his first appearance, he seems to be genuinely disgusted that Ted stole money that was supposed to send a sick child to Lourdes and spent it all in Las Vegas. He also gets angry when Dougal says that the lives left irreparably damaged by the Blackrock Incident were "only nuns", telling him that "nuns are people too!"
• First-Name Basis: Dougal almost always calls him "Len" despite being told over and over again not to.
• Hypocrite: He hates the three for their various misdemeanors but he is occasionally shown with women, breaking his vow of celibacy, and even has a son in America.
• Insistent Terminology: Don't let him hear you calling him anything other than 'Bishop' or 'Your Grace'.
• Jerkass: He's thoroughly unpleasant. Even the Craggy Island cinema owner refers to him as "that gobshite".
• Jerkass Has a Point: He doesn't hold the main characters to high standards, but he has legitimate reasons of disliking them - what with Ted stealing money from the church, Dougal being Lethally Stupid and Jack being a perpetual drunk and a skirt-chaser. Although this comes off as somewhat hypocritical since his own corruption puts Ted's to shame.
• Kavorka Man: Despite being an old bishop, he's seen sharing a bath with an attractive young woman and has a secret son in America. It's likely he attained both of these things through abusing his power.
• Large Ham: Overpronounces the R in Rome amongst other things.
• Last-Name Basis: Almost always calls Ted by his last name, although subverted with Jack who he invariably addresses by his first name.
• Once a Season: He appears in person in one episode in each series.
• Only Sane Man: While Ted is relatively sane compared to the others in the parochial house, he's still much goofier than the utterly strait-laced Bishop Brennan.
• Pet the Dog: He apparently pulled some serious strings to avoid the Vatican getting involved in whatever Dougal's offense was.
• The Rival: Word of God says he's this to Jack, rising to the position of Bishop where Jack failed. The fact that Jack is the only one of the three to not show him any respect or be intimidated by him only makes it worse.
• Screaming at Squick: It's the only possible reaction to waking up and finding that Jack is in bed with him. Naked.
• Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!: According to Brennan, he had to use this trope to stop "the Vatican getting involved" after whatever Dougal did to get dumped at Craggy Island.
• Sinister Minister: Greedy, lecherous, corrupt, violent and an aggressive. Basically he's a terrible Bishop.
• They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!: Dougal makes the mistake of thinking he's on a First-Name Basis with him.
• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: He has a tremendous fear of rabbits, due to being somehow trapped in a lift with them at some point.

Father Byrne

Father Dick Byrne

Played by: Maurice O'Donoghue

• Always Someone Better: In the Eurosong contest, his and Cyril's song and performance were both superior to Ted and Dougal's in every conceivable way. The only reason they lost was because the show organizers rigged the contest so that the worst song would win.
• The Bad Guy Wins: His last appearance has him come out victorious and force Ted to kick Bishop Brennan up the arse. Of course by that point, Ted is hardly any better.
• Character Catchphrase: He often falsely reassures Ted that whatever he is attempting is very good, then shouts "NO!" when Ted asks him if he means it. Ted uses it against him after the Song For Ireland.
• Creepy Crossdresser: His act for the all priests lookalike competition is to dress up as Diana Ross.
• A Dick in Name: Being an even more Jerkass version of Ted, Father Dick Byrne is an appropriately fitting name for him.
• Evil Counterpart: To Ted. Played with, however, in that Ted is just as prone to cheating, if not even more so, in their rivalry; Dick comes up with a genuinely good song for the Eurosong Contest, whereas Ted has to resort to plagiarizing a supposedly obscure song, and while Dick tries some underhanded stuff to psyche Ted out prior to the over-75s football match, he doesn't actually cheat in the match itself, unlike Ted. At face value, however, he lacks Ted's sympathetic qualities and tends to be most prone to starting their spats or winding Ted up, making him look like the schoolyard bully of the two.
• Hidden Depths: His Song For Ireland entry is surprisingly good. So good, in fact, that it causes Ted to panic and go for a smoke.
• Jerkass: He's even more of an asshole than Ted.
• Large Ham: While singing at the Song For Ireland at least. His entry, "The Miracle Is Mine", is hilariously hammy and over the top.
• Politically Incorrect Villain: He's apparently known as "notoriously homophobic", a fact Ted exploits by making his forfeit in the football match kissing Cyril on the cheek.
• Protagonist-Centred Morality: Dick is much more of a meanspirited instigator than Ted but the latter is shown to be a petty cheat with a history of criminal activity. The main reason to root for Ted over Dick in their various pissing contests is that Ted is the protagonist.
• The Psycho Rangers: He even lives in an identical house to Ted.
• The Rival: To Ted. Most of his appearances involve them being in direct competition in such things as an all priest lookalike competition, a Lenten sacrifice and coaching an over-75s football match. Each of these involves a bet of some form.
• Similar Squad: Not only is he an evil version of Ted, his companions are exactly like Dougal and Jack as well.
• Team Rocket Wins: He usually loses to Ted or suffers karma in some way. After Ted cheats in the over-75s football match however, Dick wins their bet by default and gets to decide the agonising penalty for Ted. He should have won the Song For Ireland, given the crowd's reaction to "The Miracle Is Mine", but the organisers were pulling a Springtime for Hitler.
• Unfortunate Names: "Dick Byrne" sounds like something you'd have to go to the doctor for.

Father Noel Furlong

Father Noel Furlong

Played by: Graham Norton

• Beware the Silly Ones: After he drives one of his associates, Tony, crazy with his antics, the latter finally rants at him to shut up. Noel, in a suddenly controlled and sinister tone, vows to write him on his list of enemies....only to then laugh and reveal he was joking (revealing he just wrote "I really like Tony").
• Camp Straight: His mannerism are rather... flamboyant for a Catholic priest, though Graham Norton has described him as asexual while the creators say that Father Noel is someone who was driven to become a priest because he couldn't comprehend his homosexuality and his overenthusiastic personality is a result of him channeling those urges into something that he considers to be socially acceptable.
• The Dreaded: Has earned this reputation on account of how annoying he is. Best seen in The Mainland, where Ted and Dougal scream upon realising they're trapped in the caves with him.
• Keet: His hilarious over-enthusiasm for everything results in a ceilí inside a tiny caravan that results in it tipping over. By series 3, the youth group that follows him around clearly has enough of his demeanour with Tony finally snapping and shouting at him to shut up. When he's buried under a pile of rocks, they abandon him and flee to Paraguay.
• Large Ham: He is very loud. So much so that he causes rocks to fall off the cave ceiling.
• Motor Mouth: His manner of speech is ridiculously fast.
• Nice Guy: For all his annoying hyperactivity, he's one of the nicest and friendliest characters in the series.
• The Pollyanna: He's ridiculously positive, even when buried under a pile of rocks.
• Uncertain Doom: He's last seen buried under a pile of rocks, with the youth group having taken the opportunity to get away from him, even fleeing to Paraguay, and Ted and Dougal doing the same, only telling a sanitation worker who does nothing. We never find out what happens to him or if anyone digs him out, though he's having too much fun to notice it seems..

Father Larry Duff

Father Larry Duff

Played by: Tony Guilfoyle

• Cloudcuckoolander: Believes that his fantasy of owning rabbits was unrealistic, so he gets a pack of rottweilers instead.
• Informed Ability: Is shown engaging in a great range of activities and is often called upon because he apparently has a good range of general knowledge on certain topics and is regularly described by Ted and Dougal as being very fun to be around, but is never given the chance to show any of these because the call causes some kind of accident.
• Iron Butt Monkey: Almost every time Ted phones him, he suffers some form of injury or misfortune. Yet he's still going by his next appearance.
• Throw the Dog a Bone: Avoids being shot by the army in "Old Grey Whistle Theft".

Father Stone

Father Paul Stone

Played by: Michael Redmond

• Abusive Parents: His father actively hates him, stating he wishes that Paul had died from being struck by lightning.
• And I Must Scream: Left static after being struck by lighting while holding a golf club. Although it's not as if he talks that much anyway. If his mind could have been read he probably would have been thinking "no thanks, I'm fine." It doesn't seem to last long though.
• The Bore: To a T. So badly, in fact, that it causes anyone in the general vicinity to lose the will to live.
• Character Catchphrase: "Ah, no. I'm fine", said whenever Ted asks if he'd like to do anything other than sit in complete silence.
• The Dreaded: Just hearing his name causes Dougal to faint and Jack to Megaton Punch Ted out of the house.
• Dull Surprise: Played for laughs. He's so dull, that it rubs off on everyone else.
• Hero-Worshipper: To Ted. He literally counts down the days until he can return to Craggy Island and draws portraits of Ted.
• Innocently Insensitive: He seems completely unable to grasp how much Ted and the other priests find his company unbearable.
• Nice Guy: Outside of the Innocently Insensitive aspect above and rarely showing emotion, he never does anything in the series out of malice or selfish reasons. If the potraits of Ted is any indication, he seems to be the one of the most well meaning characters in the show.
• No Social Skills: He seems unable to hold even a simple conversation and simply sits and stares vacantly and he seems totally unaware of how much others hate being around him.
• The Quiet One: Seems to like nothing more than sitting in total silence and just staring into nothingness.
• The Stoic: Awakes from a coma after being struck by lightning and simply says that he's fine. Ted describes him as a "brick wall with a moustache".
• Token Good Teammate: On top of the potraits he paints of Ted out of respect, and fact that he prefers to just sit quietly and stare off into space shows he wants for very litte in life, fitting the role of a priest far more than every other Priest in the series who (Even Dougal) are either selfish, two faced, hypocritical, greedy, overly indulgent in their vices, don't really care for or believe in Catholicism or just plain unpleasant.
• The Thing That Would Not Leave: He used to hang out with another priest who dumped him on Ted and now visits every year and stays for weeks, much to Ted's annoyance.

Father Stack

Father Fintan Stack

Played by: Brendan Grace

Jack's replacement and the villain of "New Jack City."

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• Am Fm Characterization: Constantly plays loud Jungle music (specifically DJ SS's remix of "Limb By Limb" by Cutty Ranks) out of a boombox, sometimes even playing it while Ted and Dougal try to sleep.
  Stack: I wanna listen to some music.
  Ted: Oh! Go right ahead!
  Stack: I wasn't asking for your permission.
• Beard of Evil: Brendan Grace provides a huge beard for the role.
• It Amused Me: Pretty much the reason he does anything, like drill holes in the wall or get Dougal drunk. He notes "I've had my fun and that's all that matters."
• Jerkass: Ted reckons he's worse than Adolf Hitler. You wouldn't catch Hitler playing jungle music at three o'clock in the morning.
• Laser-Guided Karma: Gets infected with hairy hands after sitting in Jack's chair too many times and is sent to the old priests' home for treatment. Despite the constant shouting of the residents, he still tries playing his jungle music over them.
• Sinister Minister: Supposedly a priest, but he seems to spend all day and night just trying out ways to piss off his colleagues.

Father Todd Unctious

Father Todd Unctious

Played by: Gerard McSorley

• Bald of Evil: He's the villain of the Christmas special with a shiny bald head.
• Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Tries way too hard to ingratiate himself to Ted.
• Dressing as the Enemy: Parodied. He actually is a priest, but steals another priest's clothing for no real reason.
  Father Todd Unctious: It just seemed to be the way things were going.
• Faux Affably Evil: Seems chummy, but only as part of his efforts to steal things. He eventually drops the act.
• No Name Given: He later admits his name isn't really Todd Unctious, and we never find out what it actually is.
• Sinister Minister: Is a thoroughly greedy and corrupt thief, but he is still also a priest.

Father Fintan Fay

Father Fintan Fay

Played by: Jimmy Keogh

AKA "the Monkey Priest."

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• Cloudcuckoolander: To an incredible degree. He isn't aware that he's a priest, and may not even be aware that he's human.
• Cool Old Guy: Despite his behavior, he's very well-liked and respected by other priests, including Ted.
• Hidden Depths: "Flight Into Terror" shows that he's an excellent public speaker and speechwriter, writing a speech the other priests find incredibly stirring, and he's also a fan of Michael Barrymore, discussing a biography of him with Ted.
• Intelligible Unintelligible: The other priests apparently find his monkey-esque language not only intelligible but eloquent.
• Nice Guy: Despite his behavior, which could most charitably be described as unusual, he seems to get on very well with other priests, who all seem to like and respect him, and Ted seems to genuinely enjoy his company whenever they meet.
• One-Steve Limit: Averted. He's got the same first name as Father Stack.
• The Unintelligible: He speaks only in bizarre, monkey like sounds which the other priests have no issue at all understanding and responding to as though it were normal conversation.

Other Characters

Tom

Tom

Played by: Pat Shortt

• Affably Evil: He's very friendly for a violent loon and is willing to help Ted here and there. Just don't get in his way when he goes nuts.
• Ax-Crazy: He's totally nuts and obsessed with killing. His Establishing Character Moment has him randomly blast a crow with a shotgun.
• Ballistic Discount: Robs a post office at one point and claims that it was his own money and he couldn't be bothered to fill out the forms. Ted implies that it's not the first time this has happened.
• Big Ol' Eyebrows: He has big, bushy eyebrows.
• Blood Knight: He's obsessed with killing. When he realises that Ted doesn't intend for him to kill the rabbits that have invaded the parochial house, he gets quite upset.
• Fighting Irish: Is the second most violent character in the series (after Father Jack).
• Fun T-Shirt: He's never seen without his "I Shot JR" tshirt.
• Gun Nut: He's rarely seen without his shotgun.
• Katanas Are Just Better: Wants to use one to kill rabbits.
• Shotguns Are Just Better: His weapon which he never leaves the house without.
• Shout-Out: Wears an I Shot JR shirt and has Redrum painted in red on his walls.

Pat Mustard

Pat Mustard

Played by: Pat Laffan

• Artistic Licence – Biology: He is so hairy that even his bastard offspring are born with facial hair. Needless to say, this is not how genetics works.
• Blatant Lies: Tells them by the dozen, such as claiming to have fought in the Vietnam War, being a life guard and former Mr. Universe, and that he taught Elvis Presley to play the Keytar.
• The Charmer: He's very charismatic and seduces pretty much every woman on Craggy Island with little issue.
• Cheating with the Milkman: He's slept with pretty much every housewife on Craggy Island. It's gotten to the point where there are a lot of very hairy babies because of him.
• Dirty Old Man: Is getting on a bit, yet he is a sex-crazed maniac.
• Disproportionate Retribution: Tries to murder Dougal for taking his job as a milkman and depriving him of regular sex.
• Evil Gloating: Even long after Ted has left the phone on the floor and there's nobody there to listen, Pat is still mocking Ted over the phone. He only decides to end the call as the milk float is about to collide with the phone box. He must have brought a lot of change or callcards with him.
• Evil Laugh: He laughs for a ridiculously long time over the phone to Ted.
• Extreme Libido: He sleeps with one woman after another in the course of a single delivery run, and it's implied that he does this every day.
• Hidden Depths: For all his bullshitting about his various achievements, he did seemingly create an extremely powerful bomb with a specific trigger all on his own.
• Hoist by His Own Petard: Is killed by the same bomb he planted on the milk float.
• It's All About Me: The man's ego is probably difficult to measure properly, without special equipment. He's even convinced that Ted would never be able to prove what he was up to, despite him making it comically obvious.
• Karmic Death: Gets blown up by his own milkfloat bomb.
• Kavorka Man: He's old and overweight, but women fall over themselves to sleep with him.
• Large Ham: Pat Laffan is clearly having fun with playing Pat Mustard, especially with his overly long Evil Laugh.
• Porn Stache: Parodied. All the babies he conceives inherit his facial hair.
• Really Gets Around: He basically shags all day while he's working. When he loses his job, he outright states that he's yanking himself around the clock because he can't get sex.

Henry Sellers

Henry Sellers

Played by: Niall Buggy

• The Alcoholic: Though at the start of the episode he appears in, he's been sober for a year, one sip of sherry and he's Off the Wagon. His alcoholism is why the BBC sacked him.
• Can't Hold His Liquor: A single sip of alcohol has him ranting, destroying furniture and jumping out of windows to roam in the wild like a feral beast.
• Dodgy Toupee: His hairpiece is so unconvincing that Dougal can't stop staring at it. When he gets drunk, it's tipped to the side like a loose hat.
• In Vino Veritas: He's a friendly TV show host when sober. The moment alcohol even touches his lips, he turns into a raving lunatic.
• Large Ham: Though only when drunk. He rants "Sack me? SACK ME?! I MADE THE BBC!" in as bombastic a manner as possible.
• Off the Wagon: One sip of sherry and he's in full on raving drunk mode.
• Super Window Jump: On two occasions, he leaps straight out through the parochial house's front window.

Niamh Connolly

Niamh Connolly

Played by: Clare Grogan

• Conspiracy Theorist: She thinks the Church caused the Potato Famine by closing down "the factories that were making the potatoes."
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: As a musician with a stance against the church, she's basically Sinéad O'Connor with hair.
• Painted-On Pants: Constantly wears very tight leather trousers.
• Straw Vegetarian: She angrily snaps "Is that meat?!" at Mrs Doyle when she attempts to eat a piece of chicken.
• Straw Feminist: She is massively against the Catholic church due to their treatment of women. This is reflected in her musical output.

The O'Learys

John and Mary O'Leary

Played by: Patrick Drury and Rynagh O'Grady

• Awful Wedded Life: Their marriage is so bad that they spend most of the series inflicting violent acts upon each other.
• Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: They act like a loving couple when Ted and Dougal talk to them. In private, they're violent and abusive towards each other.
• Blatant Lies: Pretty much their whole marriage, especially any time Ted catches them in the middle of a fight which they always try to unconvincingly play off as an act of affection.
• Domestic Abuse: The pair of them. Every time we see them, they're either belittling each other or perform acts of violence upon each other.
• Double Standard: Abuse, Female on Male: Subverted for the large part. Not only are their spats Played for Laughs (if dark ones) but they tend to be pretty even handed in brutality. John is the only one actually shown assaulted onscreen, though this doesn't stop Mary from being shown with as many over-the-top injuries as him, making clear she got as good as she gave offscreen.
• I Just Shot Marvin in the Face: We hear a gunshot offscreen when Mary tries to wrestle a shotgun from John's grasp.
• Happy Marriage Charade: They keep one up whenever they notice any priests around.
• The Masochism Tango: They are always having a screaming row or in the process of attempting to kill each other until the moment the priest walks in, at which point they immediately become a pair of outwardly-cheerful Stepford Smilers. There's an element of real-world social commentary under the humour; at the time Father Ted started airing (1995), divorce was still illegal in Ireland.
• Megaton Punch: Mary is easily able to punch through a cupboard door to hit John.
• Only Shop in Town: The O'Learys own the newsagent's on Craggy Island and sell everything from cigarettes to handcuffs.
• Stepford Smiler: Nice as pie to each other when the priests arrive, then violent and abusive towards each other in private.
• Those Two Guys: They could have their own trope called "That Couple" for what it's worth.

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