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The Tau Were Created By The Necrons.
To serve as sentient cattle (it may not be coincidence that the Tau are said to be descended from grazing herd animals). They have had impossibly good luck during their development, implying that somebody has been pulling the strings to ensure the survival and propagation of the Tau against the many threats that they are faced with. The Tau are a completely Warp-insensitive race, making them excellent victims for the Warp-averse C'tan and their Necron minions. By ensuring the rise of the Tau Empire, the Necrons have been setting up fodder for their return so that this time there will be less of a chance of them running out of victims. And if conflict between the Tau and their enemies ends up going poorly for the more Warp-savvy races, that's just the icing on the sentient, screaming, doomed cake.
  • Or going by the new fluff some bodies to transplant into easily.
Two Space Marine Legions were too cowardly to fight in the Horus Heresy.
The background mentions several Legions of Space Marines, some who rebelled and tried to kill the Emperor and enslave Earth, some who remained loyal. But it also mentions two Legions whose entire existence has been stricken from Imperial records. They could hardly have behaved any worse than the rebel Legions, so why were their records erased? The answer is obvious if one remembers that "Legion" is a Roman term, and that some Roman Legions had their details hammered out of monuments in punishment for cowardice. Obviously, the equivalent happened during the Horus Heresy.
  • The REAL reason those two Primarchs are unknown is that GW wants players to make up their own Space Marine chapters who can claim the Lost Primarchs as their founders, much like the Blood Ravens in Dawn of War. Of course, this is a WMG page, so where's the fun in actual cold, hard facts?
  • Maybe its less that they are cowardly and more that they are stuck in some bizarre warp phenomena and simply haven't arrived to help yet. I can just picture the shock on people's faces when a Space Marine battle fleet arrives at Sol of the 41st millennium, crying out a warning to the Emperor about Horus' treachery.
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    • ...Except that there's already a category for chapters "lost in the warp". Sure, it's not a particularly dignified way for a founding legion to go, but it's hardly more shameful that, say, trying to kill the Emperor.
      • Bah, still a fun theory to think and talk about. And its still valid unless Games Workshop says otherwise (possibly even then).
  • My personal theory is that they rebelled but admitted they were wrong and said sorry. their "Reward" for this was to have their actions deleted, their names forgotten rather than being forever held as traitors and cursed.
  • If you listen to /tg/ the two lost Primarchs are Samus Aran and Stalin.
    • You forget the ANGRY MARINES.
      • Angry Marines are loyalist World Eaters.
      • Does that mean Pretty Marines are loyalist Emperor's Children?
      • /tg/ hasn't decided yet, I think, but that's one of the possibilities.
      • What about the Disco Marines? Surely Slanneshi Noise Marines got their weapons from somewhere!
      • The Scary Marines just scream of being loyalist Night Lords.
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    • It could be possible that they were unable to fight during the Heresy because they were busy dealing with the filthy xenos, who always press upon the borders of the Imperium and corrupt the wayward human. After all, the Imperium is pretty freaking huge, even then...
    • Conversely, something awful happened to the 2 missing legions BEFORE the Horus Heresy that had little to do with Chaos...
      • I kind of assumed that the two missing Primarchs got screwed over while being cast into the Warp as infants. I mean, Sanguinus grew wings—it's not too far-fetched to assume two got so badly mutated they couldn't serve as sources of gene-seed any more.
      • But if they were so warped that there gene-seed couldn't be used anymore, why were the legions founded?
      • The Emperor didn't necessarily know this had happened - he may be for all intents and purposes a Physical God, but he has limits. (I think.) The Dusk Raiders were active before Mortarion was found and renamed them the Death Guard; the Dark Angels found Lion el'Jonson back when they were simply the First Legion. If the Emperor predicted he'd find them, but not that they were seriously mutated, he could found a legion, then quietly disperse it and find some secret job for the survivors.
      • Such as becoming the Adaptus Custodes and the Grey Knights? Just a thought.....
      • Jossed. The Adeptus Custodes were created before the Astartes, and are in many ways more powerful, but were too difficult to mass produce. The Grey Knights were founded by Loyalist survivors from several Traitor Legions, using the Geneseed of the Emperor himself.
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    • Alternate Character Interpretation - The two missing Legions weren't afraid to fight, but they alone understood the full consequences of the Heresy. They refused to fight in the hopes that they could be around afterwards to clean up the mess, or to set a good example to those who weren't as smart as them. It all backfired horribly when they were excommunicated and/or executed/banished for cowardice and treason. Sapce marines, after all, are war machines built and bred to fight in some way or another - what could be more shameful and deserving of ignonimity than refusing to fight AT ALL?
  • A fairly recent short story, The Lightning Tower implies that the two missing Primarchs disappeared before the heresy. There were statues of the Primarchs in the palace of Terra and two of them were missing from their place. Not only that, but an early story has Horus TIME TRAVEL thanks to the warp and find the twenty Primarchs in the emperors lab, before they were taken by the warp. He saw the two unknowns and commented on "Lost Potential"
    • Following that, the two missing Primarchs and their legions may have destroyed each other in a mini-heresy.
      • The two legion fleets were flying together in a joint operation commanded by the emperor, a message was sent ordering a fleet maneouver but by mishap one of the legions recieved a garbled message with the orders reversed. Consequently the two fleets entered a collision course with neither fleet willing to disobey a direct order from the emperor they plow into each other and both are wiped out completley. The other legions forever remember their gallant bravery but never mention their blind stupid obediance.
    • Alternately, they were wiped out by xenos/Chaos before the Heresy.
    • No, one of them is Gazghkull, Prophet of the Waaaargh!, who was somehow transformed into a long dormant Ork spore. Thiss is why he is the biggest o' all da Orkz!
      • No, the 2 missing Primarchs are never named and the records are deleted because their names where actually Gork and Mork, and where involved in a time travel accident that send them and their legions at the time of the War in Heaven.
  • While by no means an end to the Wild Mass Guessing, the Horus Heresy novels flat out state something happened to the Primarchs during the great crusade, and Leman Russ all but says he's killed a Primarch before. Leman Russ can't really be trusted in this claim, however, considering who he's talking too, and we'll never know for sure (Games Workshop really did leave them out on purpose for fan use, as stated above), but the original theory is basically shot dead. As for where the actual Legions went, well... how DID Gulliman get such a massive horde?
    • Parts of Sanguinius & Horus's dialogue in HH novel Fear to Tread suggest that the 2 missing Primarchs were culled/ executed and all records related to their legions erased on the Emperor's command because of some fatal flaw in their genetic makeup(Sanguinius tells Horus he won't risk another empty plinth beneath the roof of Hegemon and the erasure of Blood Angels from the Imperial Records by revealing about the genetic defect that turns some Blood Angels into crazed blood drinkers to the Emperor).
  • Isn't it obvious that one of the missing Primarchs is Sigmar?

The Alpha Legion Primarch Alpharius is not dead.
Who is said to have killed Alpharius? The Ultramarines, the proudest Chapter of Space Marines in the Imperium. And what would be a prouder achievement than having killed a rogue Primarch? Also, Alpharius was a Magnificent Bastard, so the Ultramarines could have killed a clone, a robot, a hologram.... That way, Alpharius could control the Alpha Legion without anyone trying to kill him. This would perfectly fit with the Alpha Legion's record of convoluted strategies, and would explain why the Alpha Legion weren't terribly distressed about the "death" of their Primarch.
  • "Just as planned."
  • If you read Legion, Alpharius has a twin named Omegon. One of them must still be out there. So you're more correct than you might think.
    • Wait, Alpharius is a Primarch, so saying he has a twin means that Omegon must a) be a Primarch too and b) be one of the 2 missing Primarchs!!
      • Yes he's a Primarch, no he's not a missing Primarch. Alpharius/Omegon are one Primarch in two bodies. As the last of the Primarch program to be created, Alpharius was still essentially a foetus when his capsule was dispersed along with all the others. That extra-early exposure to the Warp split the foetus in two. It is possible that the Emperor himself never found out about this.
      • It's assumed he is composed of two seperate bodies, in reality he may have even more, or perhaps he exists in all those in his legion as some sort of geneseed fluke.
      • Another incredibly wild guess. Cypher, is actually Alpharius/Omegon in disguise. What? I sure as hell wouldn't put it past him.
      • It would explain his almost God-like ability to stir up trouble and then escape unharmed.
      • ...but not his connection with the Dark Angels.
      • Easy. Alpharius killed the real Cypher, who was a Dark Angel. Now he's just masquarading as him.
      • Doesn't work. There has been several sets of rules for Cypher, and none of them had the stats to indicate he was anything more than a skilled Space Marine, let alone a Primarch. Or the points cost. However, this Troper believes that Alpharius/Omegon merely pulled their "we are all Alpharius" trick and fooled the Smurfs into killing a normal Alpha Legionnaire. It wouldn't be the first time their charade had fooled fellow Space Marines...which means that both Primarchs are still out there.
      • Space Marines, maybe, but Guilliman was a primarch.
      • Plus the rules make it clear: Cypher cannot die, not until his mysterious benefactor is done with him.
    • Except the account where Guilliman kills Alpharius during the Battle of Eskrador comes from Index Astartes: Alpha Legion, specifically, the account is from an Inquisitor who was later found out to be an Alpha Legion spy, furthermore, the Ultramarines themselves dispute it. Everything in it, from the Alpha Legion's tactics triumphing over the Codex, to Alpharius being killed, to the existence of the Battle at all, is suspect, and quite possibly from the Alphas themselves. So we don't know - possibly the Ultramarines curb-stomped the AL and the account is an attempt to cover it up. Possibly the Alpha Legion curb-stomped the Ultras and are trying to spread disinformation for their own ends (after all, if people think you are dead, who will try to kill you?). Perhaps it happened as described. The point is, nothing about it is confirmed, and has no chance of being until the HH series deals with it.
The Tau are engineered by the Eldar
As shown by Xenology, the pheromone gland in a Q'orl and a Tau Ethereal are identical, and a Q'orl legend laments the loss of one of their queens at the hands of the Eldar. Q'orl queens also control their subjects through pheromones. Coincidences are not helpful.
  • If the primary Eldar goal is to keep as many of their kind alive no matter how many members of other races get screwed over, wouldn't they have used the Tau as a slave race (or, on a good day, an "indentured race") rather than plonking them on the Eastern Fringe and waiting for them to build their own guns and begin battling everyone, including the Eldar?
    • Maybe that was the plan, but they fucked up.
      • This is the ELDAR we're talking about. They see the future. They may fuck up a fair bit, but to miss the emergance of a rival empire from their own manipulations? Unlikely. Plus if they wanted a slave race for something, they would have done it a long time ago.
      • I think you are seriously overestimating the Eldar's capacity to not fuck things up.
      • It's the Dark Eldar who really fuck up, the Eldar tend to come out OK.
    • That's the whole point. The Eldar are training the Tau. Battles between the Tau and the Eldar are either training, unfortunate misunderstandings, or legitimate conflicts of interest. The only way for their creations to become effective powers that might turn the galaxy around is to face, survive, and defeat all threats.
      • Sacrificing thousands of their own people to help someone else? Doesn't sound like the Eldar to me. If they were going to create effective powers they would have plonked them a long way away from any Craftworld. And probably mindfucked them into complete loyalty. And destroyed them when if that didn't work.
      • Or the Eldar created the Tau do do what they could not. There are many theories that the Tau were created to destroy Chaos, since the Eldar cannot.The Tau even have many upgrades that prove this: the apparent lack of soul (nothing to strengthen Chaos), Lack of Psycic presence (immunity to possession from demons), and incredible technical innovation (to fight demons and adapt to the ever-shifting powers of Chaos). The Eldar may have made the Tau so they could get their homeworlds back.
      • The Eldar are willing to sacrifice billions of other species to save thousands of Eldar, and redoubtably willing to sacrifice thousands of Eldar to save the entire Eldar species. Perhaps the tau are part of a very, very long game.
      • There is a theory that the Eldar DID create the Tau, but didn't know about The Outsider - another C'Tan who may or may not be sleeping under the surface of the Tau planet.
    • Another possibility—which is not mutually exclusive with the idea of the Tau having been made to fight Chaos—is that the Tau were created as an extra buffer against the Tyranids. Say the Eldar get a prophesy along the lines of "something really nasty is going to show up on the Eastern edge of the galaxy in a few centuries", and that their usual patsies, the Orks, the Imperium, and whatever hapless aliens were convenient, wouldn't be enough to fend it off. It might make sense for the Eldar to create a new faction to serve as a buffer, one that's more well-organized, coordinated and technologically advanced than the ones already around. They might still be useful for fighting Chaos, but that's a long-term thing—the Tyranids are coming soon, and dealing with them is a much higher priority than a far-off and dubiously achievable reclaiming of the Crone Worlds. As for why the Eldar and Tau fight, it bears remembering that the Eldar craftworlds rarely act in concert—one or two might have engineered the rise of the Tau on the sly as part of one of many plots to bring back the Eldar empire and "forgot" to tell the others. That and the unexpected will happen even if you can see the future. If Eldar prescience was perfect, they'd never have lost a conflict, which they most certainly have.

The Emperor and Tzeentch used to be one.
The Emperor, before Slaanesh showed up, is said to have been pulling strings of humanity for thousands of years, so he ought to be able to avoid What an Idiot! moments he had after he became Emperor. Obviously, the part of him that was the sneaky bastard is somewhere else, essentially pulling another plan i.e. Tzeentch. Slaanesh, Khorne and Nurgle aren't the brightest bunch, so they probably didn't notice yet.
  • Alternately, the Emperor might still * be* Tzeentch, no splitting of his aspects, just millennia of living a double life within the warp. Those Imperial Unwitting Pawns never noticed a thing.
  • What is the Emperor? A Magnificent Bastard. And what did he plan to bring to Humanity? Hope and change. Who is Tzeentch? The God of Hope, Change and Magnificent Bastardry. Just. As. Planned.
  • Slannesh's creation predates the Emperor (and indeed mankind) by millions of years.
    • No, it doesn't. Slaanesh's birth actually caused the Age of Strife and humanity was a space-faring species by then.
  • So you're saying the greatest leader humanity has ever known is the embodiment of hope and change? Does This Remind You Of Anything?

Tzeentch is one of the Eldar's greatest allies
Whilst Tzeentch is a Chaos God, his 'fellows' are by no means outside the reach of his scheming. To which end, had Tzeentch learned of the Eldar's ultimate plan (which would weaken or kill Slaanesh, and free the Dark Eldar from his control), he may well be keeping the other forces of Chaos focused on fighting the Imperium so as to allow the Eldar to eliminate one of his primary rivals. The alliance is also how the Eldar acquired Tzeentch's lessons in Manipulative Bastardry 101.

The claim that the explosive in bolter shells is "depleted deuterium" is a lie spread by the Adeptus Mechanicus.
Deuterium is a radioactively stable isotope of hydrogen, so "depleted deuterium" is both physically impossible and a terrible idea for the main payload of an explosive shell. The fact that bolter rounds work, and work well, suggests that the Mechanicus are aware that Artistic License - Chemistry. Thus, any reference to "depleted deuterium warheads" in the WH40k fluff is a load of technical-sounding gobbledygook intentionally spread by the Cult Mechanicus to prevent anyone from recreating this sacred and revered technology without their blessing. The true payload of a bolter shell is a secret known only to the Tech-Priests — and they aren't telling.
  • The same is also true of any references to bolter shells as "caseless ammunition", as suggested by the rather prominent cartridge-ejection slot on the side of the Astartes Mk Vb boltgun. Granted, earlier boltgun models seem to lack this cartridge-ejection slot, so it's possible that some bolter shells are caseless, but claims that this is a universal rule are (possibly intentionally) fallacious.
    • The background material seems unable to decide. Bolters are often called caseless, but the detailed description of a boltgun in one of te Imperial armour books mentions it having a case. There being several variants, some of which use a case and some of which don't seems likely, especially since boltgun shells are essentially miniature rocket propelled grenades and don't necessarily need a case (altho having one would probably reduce a chanse of it exploding prematurely).
    • This is true, Dark Heresy mentions that they are "Marine" Bolters and "Human" bolters the human ones are smaller and have cases because Marine bolters are too heavy and recoil would break a human's arm off.
    • Also, bolt rounds are likely two-stage to avoid the crappy short-range velocity of Real Life rocket ammo. This doesn't strictly require a case, but the engineering is easier that way.
  • Despite being physically impossible and a terrible idea, it actually works anyway, because of the majesty and benevolence of the Omnissiah.
    • You mean the Void Dragon...
  • Caseless doesn't refer to the shells themselves, but their packaging. They're caseless because they come in plastic bags.
    • Don't be silly; they come on plastic sprues in little cardboard boxes.
  • The Tau and Eldar could probably reverse engineer them over breakfast, and have found their weapons better. And...for some reason no one in the Imperium is smart enough to do it.
    • The only time any Eldar or Tau cold get their hands on Bolter ammo is if its being fired at them. Not only that, but Eldar have to much disdain for human tech to use it and Tau don't like non-plasma weapons very much. One other race does use bolts—Orks, who like them because they're loud and explosive.
  • Since Promethium is real-life element that has has its name applied to a completely unrelated material in the WH40K universe, it's possible that the name Deuterium has likewise been misapplied by the Adeptus Mechanicus. Just because they recover old information doesn't always mean they know what it means or interpret it correctly; they could have a partial list of names but not know which substances they refered to in ancient times, so they simly use what sounds cool for each material they rediscover. Prometheus is associated with fire, so call a flammable fuel Promethium. Deuterium, according to scraps of ancient literature, has something to do with nuclear reactions or the sun, so call a high-powered explosive Deuterium. Remember, they've got 40,0000 plus years of Memetic Mutation to deal with.

The Tau were engineered by the Emperor to bring humanity back in line.
They were discovered by humanity during their stone age but are miraculously saved by a warp storm and then turn up a few millennia later with technology surpassing the Imperium. Their origin stories are similar (fractured species stuck in endless civil wars until unified by mystics: The Emperor for the humans and the Ethereals for the Tau). They are incorruptible by Chaos (no warp presence) and are known to have easily convinced some less fanatical human leaders to defect to their empire. By the time the humans (and, by extension, the Emperor) first discovered them, the Imperium was already in a state of decay thanks to corruption, bureaucracy and blind fanaticism, so the Emperor may have decided to save the Tau so he could repeat the process with them while avoiding the mistakes he made with the Imperium (a whole caste of rulers instead of a single god, a rigorous caste system to prevent another Horus Heresy etc.). His ultimate plan is to have the Tau conquer the Imperium, resurrect himself with Tau technology and then conquer the entire universe with both races.
  • Combining this with the "Ethereal refusal" version of the Eldar theory...the Emperor had most of the work done for him. He just needed to keep a natural warp storm going for a few millennia, and make it "accidentally" destroy the Webway connections. The result? Instead of a psy-resistant and technologically advanced puppet race for the Eldar, an independent Tau empire who would either conquer and reform the corrupted Imperium or challenge it out of its rut.

The various source-books and other materials dripping with GRIMDARK are anti-Imperial propaganda.
Almost every sourcebook in the game presents its subject as a terrible, nigh-unstoppable foe of the Imperium who will surely doom its last futile struggles. Yet the literature-especially the accounts of Ciaphas Cain and Ibram Gaunt- often demonstrates the courage and professionalism of the Imperial Guard at its best and often and portrays the Imperium and the Imperial Faith in a much more positive light. Clearly, the doomsday predictions and extreme dystopian elements of the various sourcebooks are either anti-Imperial propaganda or only apply to the Imperium in broad generalities.
  • "Thought for the Day: It is better for a man to be afraid than happy." The various source-books and other materials dripping with GRIMDARK are Imperial propaganda. The Imperium is a loose empire that spans the entire galaxy. It can take months for messages to get back and forth to some of the more isolated worlds, and even longer to bring forces to bear on any particular point. The only thing keeping most systems from declaring independence from this soul-crushingly oppressive regime is the knowledge that (allegedly) there are a thousand nameless horrors waiting just out of sight to tear them to pieces, and it is only the inexhaustible might of the Imperium as a whole that has a chance of protecting them. The eternal "war-footing" is also useful as an excuse for the atrocities the Imperium regularly commits on its citizens, brings in the annual planetary tithes, and keeps Imperial Guard recruitment figures high. This is Nineteen Eighty-Four Recycled In Space.
    • But why would they claim they commited EVEN MORE atrocities then they already do? I mean, every evidence out there suggests there's only one not-100%-crap alternative to the Imperium already, so why make yourselves look worse?
      • Accurate information about aliens is ruthlessly surpressed by the Imperium for reasons of ideological purity and because alien or chaos-worshipping cults aren't uncommon. The Imperium constantly tells it's citizens that not only is every single alien personally out to get them (while keeping actual information at a minimum) but keeps them in a constant state of terror to keep them in line.
    • "Wow, if our guys have to blow up planets rather than let our terrifying soul-devouring enemies get a hold of them, it must be dangerous out there.''
    • What's the most-played army, the one most players start with? SpaceMarines. Most of the GRIMDARK fluff isn't general Imp propaganda, it's Astartes indoctrination, aimed squarely at their sense of superiority to the rest of the Emperor's servants and their fatalistic attitude. The rest is likely by and for Inquisitors, who aren't known for their lack of paranoia.
  • There's no inherent contradiction. The Imperial Guard really are professional, competent, even heroically badass soldiers. They just can't do much against the Cosmic Horrors, space dinosaurs and assorted demigods except act as cannon fodder. The Imperial Faith is at one and the same time a comfort and inspiration to humanity and an excuse/rationale for its worst excesses (true of many real faiths). The Imperium is both a fascistic nightmare of Orwellian conformity and the only real chance we've got. In addition, it spans vast amounts of worlds, easily enough to cover everything from forge worlds to remote agri-colonies.

Alternatively, the stories of Ciaphas Cain and Ibram Gaunt are Imperial propaganda designed to overplay the power and competency of the Imperial Guard and the relative happiness of the Imperium.
These individuals' characters and experiences contrast abruptly with the dystopian view of the Imperium at large. If the dystopia is true, then these individuals, as well as other heroic sorts with relatively endearing morals and behavior, must be entirely fictitious creations, possibly published by the Inquisition or by the Imperial Guard itself.
  • Ciaphas Cain's adventures are explicitly published by the Inquisition.
    • But only to the Inquisition. Why would the Inquisition produce propaganda for the most knowledgable agents of the entire Imperium?
  • Cain's alleged exploits and biography are strongly backed by the Imperium as a great propaganda tool. Cain's actual biography is published by the Inquisition for its own use: as a form of education, information, and of course, entertainment.
    • So, we're agreed. The Ciaphas Cain novels are the only accurate information about Warhammer 40k.
    • Unfortunately, Ciaphas Cain is considered an Unreliable Narrator.

Tzeentch is planning to make the universe less GRIMDARK.
What is the great schemer lord of magnificent bastards? The god of HOPE. If people lose hope he starves, thus he realizes the world is too GRIMDARK for him to truly prosper so he works his plots to make the universe more gray since a bright and happy universe does not create maximum hope either. A gray universe were a bright future is always just out of reach however is perfect. His pawns for this? The Tau of course, their idealism and knight templar status are perfect for a seemingly bright but gray universe.
  • He's not exactly doing a good job, is he...
    • Which is what he wants you to think...
      • I'd actually say he's doing a perfect job. Legend fades to myth and is forgotten. Let's look at the Imperium. Empy raises humanity to amazing levels pre-heresy. Hilarity Ensues. Humanity declines, but remembers the past, and hopes to reclaim its past. Rinse and repeat. He basically made a stock market using humanity as a base.

Tzeentch is actually the good guy from the franchise.
He will eventually reveal (or more likely just play the final part of) his great plot of backstabbing all the other gods, (that are just doing his bidding anyway) turning the grimdark galaxy into a rather prosperous and possitive place.He is the god of change; and the greatest change you can bring to the 40k universe is turning it into a realm of progress and peace. All the horrors and blue fire and howling terrors might just be a masquerade to the fact that he is about all the contrary, and uses it to cover up the greatest hiden plot of the galaxy.Anything big that might happen in the future, from pretty much any faction would empower him, for he is the god of change. The emperor dying, the necrons waking, the tyrannid's boogie man arriving, all that is just Change lurking and could be enough to empower Tzeentch into reaching previously unknown levels, power he will use to bring; guess what. Hope and Change to the Warhammer 40,000 Universe.
  • And then he'll change it back again, for the exact same reason! Actually, maybe this sort of thing has already happened… Multiple times… (Perhaps the Dark Age of technology was utopian, before Tzeentch got ahold of it)

Enuf Dakka can only be achieved by turning everything that isn't Dakka into Dakka.
So, essentially, do to the Universe what the Tyranids are planning, but only with Dakka.
  • Nah, youse got ter ave enuff bitz left ter nail all der shooty bitz to, and den youse got ter paint it all red.
  • But if you turn the entire universe into a gun that shoots itself, what's left to shoot at? This may be the greatest only Orkish philosophical paradox of all time.
    • Itself. It isn't Orky enough.
  • No, no, no, You're Doing It Wrong! Enuff Dakka has already been achieved: It's called Chouginga Gurren-Lagann's Maelstrom Cannon. A weapon that can hit every point in time and space is pretty much Max Dakka.
    • Can it hit parallel dimensions?
      • Got me there...
      • Well, as long as Rossiu is in the other dimension for targeting purposes...
  • Hittin fings aint der point of yer shoota, it's dere to make loads o noise while you get all close up an proper like a real Ork.
  • Alright... here's my take on 'Enuff Dakka': You must create a weapon that can hit every point in space and time in the multiverse... with bullets that are each composed of every point in space and time in the multiverse... at point blank range to every point in space and time in the multiverse... And to clarify, the term "multiverse" includes: all alternate realities, parallel realities, perpendicular realities, potential realities, imagined realities, unimagined realities, inconceivable realities, and impossible realities. So you need a gun that shoots at everything, with everything, when next to everything. Now... how can we achieve * dramatic chord* Too Much Dakka?
    • So the Crisis on Infinite Earths was the result of the Anti-Monitor trying to get together Enuff Dakka?
    • That would only be enough dakka if the weapon can hit every point in the multiverse WITH every point in the multiverse, at every point in time in the multiverse, infinity times per 10^-infinity seconds. Remember, one of the key points of dakka is rapid-fire capability. Hitting everything once isn't orky enough.
      • ...so, does that mean the Big Bang was the result of someone creating Enuff Dakka?
  • You've achieved Too Much Dakka if yer shoota has so many barrels and gubbinz and whotnots stuck on it yer can't pull da bloody trigga.
    • As any Big Mek would say, "Stikk on anuvver trigga, den shoot evryfing wot moves!"
  • Let me repeat this to make it absolutely clear. You can never, ever have too much dakka.
  • Gork an' Mork. Dey gots Enuff Dakka. Me gonna choppa and dakka more squishy mans an' bugs an' things until me bigs enuff. Den me gonna smash Gork an' Mork an' take deir Dakka sos me can have ALL DA DAKKA!
    • ...you's gonna bolt on da shoota you wuz usin' before tho, roight? An' maybe a couple Deffgunz, an' dat Stompa sure gots a noice piece'a flash...
  • I would just like to point out that there is no way (physical or meta-physical) to achieve ENOUGH Dakka. Looking for too much Dakka is just being silly.
  • The only way to get enough Dakka would be to turn everything that exists in every form of reality into a gun that fires everything that exists in every form of existance and those reality bullets fire more reality bullets causing an infinite loop of dakka. If that still isn't enough, the gun fires everything that does exist in any form of reality and everything that DOESN'T. Of course, everything is rocket propelled and rapid-fire while on fire and covered in pointy death.
    • Make it an auto shotgun and that's about halfway there.
  • You have enough dakka when your opponent falls asleep during your shooting phase.
  • You hummiez gots it all wrong! Youz are muckin about gobbin bout dakka. DA ORKS IS MADE FOR FIGHTIN!

Enough Dakka will be achieved if the totality of existence is destroyed.
If there's enough to shoot at, no dakka is necessary, therefore, any amount of dakka is enough, even none.
  • DAKKA IZ ALWEYZ NESSASSARY
  • DAT AINT ORKY, IM GONNA CRUMP DIS GROT LOVA- er, I mean, what? How is it even dakka if you aren't shooting? You iz muckin' about!

Coversely, if an Ork is ever convinced he has enough Dakka, the universe will end.
Since Ork technology works because they think it does, and Orks can never have enough dakka, simply convincing an Ork that he does have enough Dakka will turn whatever he is holding at that time into the most potent weapon in the universe.
  • Correction: it's the result of the low level psychic powers that manifest in all Orkz and Humans. Miracles occur through faith (billions of souls SAY she can do it, so she can), and thusly ork technology works. So, if enough orkz could be organized under a being who knows this (say, their creators, can't remember if it was the Old Ones, C'tan or Necrontyr), you could arm a billion Orkz with black hole cannons, or, yes, create enough dakka. However so many orkz believe you can't get that, then they can't. Tl;Dr Because billions of orkz KNOW it to be so, the Red'nz do indeed go faster.

Boo is the Emperor
That's why can't reincarnate. He got stuck in a body of a hamster, because of Tzeentch.
  • And Minsc must be one of the Missing Primarchs.

Warhammer 40000 is All Just a Dream of Horus
As we see at the end of "Horus Rising" he's under a lot of stress, so once he gets to have some sleep, he has a really bad nightmare. His own betrayal in the dream, is actually a symbol of his own fear of not living up to his father's expectations.

Games Workshop is secretly a cult worshipping chainsaws, and Warhammer 40000 is their attempt to subtlely proselytize.
It's not that unbelievable...
  • You lost me when you said "subtlely".
    • Well, they didn't say it was a religion and how much they like chainsaws...

...and they're preparing their followers for an epic battle against the Church of Scientology
The newest Chaos iconography in the 4th Edition Chaos Space Marine codex makes it pretty clear. Come to think of it...Rage, Corruption, Scheming, and Arrogance happen to be the chief vices affiliated with the Church, and the whole operation is certainly rather cult-ish. It seems to be recruiting from the rich and powerful, perhaps to build up a private army? And the whole "thetan" concept includes nonhuman spiritual entities being trapped in mortal flesh...daemons? This would make Xenu either a noble alien warrior who defeated the cult's precursors millennia ago, or else a daemon prince of Malal (which would explain why he and his followers haven't returned to Earth to finish the job, as the Fifth Chaos God is in a major decline). All this evidence combined proves without a shadow of a doubt that one day soon we shall be engulfed in an ultimate showdown involving Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and chainswords.
  • That would trump The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.
  • This is a very worrying thought. What happens to those of us who lead Chaos armmies? Would we be lumped in with Scientologists? Or do we get use their own weapons against them?
    • You get to fight them on behalf of Malal, Suvassin and Necoho depending on your personal preferences.
    • I'll go dust off my Dreadaxe...
  • Don't buy it at all; based on what an army box costs, I'd sooner believe GW -are- Happyologists.

Japan sunk into the Pacific or was otherwise obliterated some time before or during the Dark Age of Technology.
Despite various Imperial Guard Regiments & Space Marine Chapters being influenced by various Earth cultures, pretty much the only Japanese-influenced stuff seems to be Eldar & Tau.

Farsight is working with/secretly being controlled by/been replaced by/really likes the Necrons/Eldar/Squats/Skiiiiiinks iiiiiin spaaaaaaace!.
Even Games Workshop loves messing with us on this one. http://www.games-workshop.com.au/games/40k/tau/painting/farsight/default.htm

The Chaos Gods plan is to make the Emperor another Warp diety.
The Chaos Gods, if they ever win, will destroy themselves. So, obviously, they need something or somebody to stop them from winning. So, why not create a diety that would oppose them? And who's better than a person, who already has a cult and already is a danger to them?

6th Edition will either never arrive, contain mechanical changes only, or reboot the canon.
This one seems pretty obvious, but just how the heck is GW gonna top the GRIMDARK-titude of 5th? Since things obviously can't get any BETTER, either the canon is gonna continue exploring the monumental screwedness of the universe at large, or GW is going to say "Alright, we can't think of a way to make this any worse. We're starting over."
  • 6th Edition will be the "End of the World" Special. Those naive Tau will have their hopes crushed by Tyranids, Orks, and xenophobes. The C'Tan on Mars will wake up. The Eldar craftworlds will become silent tombs drifting through the void. Abaddon will finally, finally win a campaign. And everywhere, humans will be dying in droves as the tide of unspeakable horrors plaguing the galaxy utterly extinguishes the Imperium like the tide washing over a candle. The narrative campaigns players take part in will not determine if the "good guys" live or die, but how they die - more specifically, how long humanity lingers before succumbing to its inevitable fate. On the one hand, we'll get to play out the Final Siege of the Imperial Palace. On the other hand, one helluva Downer Ending. Afterwards, the game will only continue as "historical reenactments" with occasional rules tweaks and new models, for if a 7th Edition is attempted to advance the plot, a black hole will swallow the Earth.
    • Or CIAPHAS CAIN, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM will come back, complete with an in game unit. Therefore, saving humanity.
      • But as of the publication of the Cain Archive, he's been dead and buried with full military honors for a number of years (while still on the official payroll). So how could he...oh, duh, Cain must be Jesus. And, therefore, also God/The Emperor.
      • Cain's books are written as of M42.100. The setting is currently at late M41.999. So he's alive in-setting, and book five is about his action in the 13th Black Crusade.
      • Or Kharn the Betrayer will find Cain and make sushi out of him, because everybody wouldn't SHUT UP ABOUT HIM and so Kharn felt he had to challenge him.
      • Aw, Kharn wouldn't do that, he's actually a pretty nice guy.
    • On the other hand, all the surviving Primarchs will return, the Tau will reach a technological singularity, the Eldar god of the dead will awaken, and the Starchild will be born. Our reality will be unable to contain the level of awesomeness, and will explode. AND IT WOULD BE AWESOME.
  • There is only one possible way to make 40K even MORE grimdark, and that's the one where an Eldar craftworld kamikazes into T'au, the Eye of Terror gets 70% bigger overnight, and Tyranid gaunts suddenly have "venom cannon" as their basic weapon.
  • Actually, there is one other way to make 40K even more Grim Dark - portray the Imperium as evil. Eliminate all language portraying the Space Marines and Imperial Guard as the Defenders of Humanity. Show records of dozens - hundreds, even - of alien races exterminated by the Imperium. Make a big thing out of how callous the Imperium is towards its subjects. And finally suggest that an Imperial victory would result in the extinction of all other alien species and a permanent dark age for the human race.
  • A few possibly modifications:
    • A new Founding is attempted, but something goes horribly wrong. Every single chapter created is mutated, and all resulting marines are either wiped out, or flee, possibly forming a new faction of mutants or joining Chaos. The Imperium has lost its ability to create new Space Marine chapters.
    • Several planets in the Segmentum Solar turn out to be Necron Tomb Worlds. One of these is Mercury. The Mercurian Necrons make landfall on Earth, but are defeated by the combined forces of the Imperial Fists and the Adeptus Mechanicus. The Adeptus Mechanicus receive a codex.
  • Yet another way to make the setting even more GRIMDARK: The arrival of whatever the Tyranids are running from.

The Kroot are a form of Tyranid used to gather DNA for when the Tyranids finally come and kill everything.
The Kroot consume the flesh of dead enemies to take useful traits from them. The Tyranids also take on traits of defeated enemies. It wouldn't be a stretch to assume that the Kroot are being used by the Tyranids to get whatever useful traits they can before the final invasion get so that the Tyranids have an easier time conquering the galaxy, what with all the super soldiers and killer undead robots and space demons and such.
  • It has been mentioned in a story that the Kroot are expressly forbidden from eating the flesh of Tyranids by their Shapers, ostensibly to avoid creating some sort of monstrous super-predator. Makes you wonder how that particular taboo got hardwired into the Shapers' heads....
    • Isn't it because it would effectively create Kroot genestealers? As in, knowingly loyal to the Tyranids? Kind of like how eating servants of Chaos is also bad for the Kroot.
    • Just wondering, what information is this based on? Not that I'm doubting, but I just wanna see.
      • Well, in Dawn of War: Dark Crusade, the Tau commander is forced to go Imperium of Man on his Kroot allies after the Chaos strongpoint assault...
      • There used to be a relevant article on the offical GW website, but it seems to have disappeared in the revamp. A similar point is brought up in the Ciaphas Cain story For The Emperor.
      • Although in that one, the Kroot spat out Genestealer-tainted flesh.
      • He did freak out when he though some purebreeds were going to 'taint' some of their fallen (too bad no one told him that's not how stealers work)

We're going to see what the Tyranids are running from.
Considering how Grim Dark the setting is, the only way we're going get any more Grim Dark is by having the effectively unstoppable factions have their own breakdowns (but not in time to save the rest). The Necrons have already started to show theirs, but what about the Tyranids? From information on this Wiki, they're supposedly running from something. If that's the case, what?
  • Gaseous Energy Beings whose bodies are chemically identical to Raid.
  • Everyone thinks it would be somthing bad. What if the Tyranids are running from somthing that is specifically hunting them down to remove their evil?
    • Because that's not how things work in Warhammer 40K and you know it.
    • Because every faction is evil, and would therefore be targeted by something that even the Tyranids are afraid of.
    • What is the one thing that all the races (or at least their leaders) are completely terrified of? The Cosmic Force of Peace and Love! Think about it, the Imperium would lose their Orwellian war footing, the Nids wouldn't be able to consume, the orcs wouldn't be allowed to fight, it goes against chaos' nature, the Eldar would lose their regimented structure (and craftworlds would be obsolete, and what farseer leader wants that?),the Tau would lose their moral highground (and thus, no one would want to join the Greater Good), the squats would come back, etc etc. Therefore, when a bunch of ponies using friendship magic appear in their rainbow ships, the entire Milky Way will unite in a desperate fight to protect their GRIMDARK way of life.
  • Aren't they running from the fact that they've eaten everything behind them?
    • That's what this Troper thought. Where is the material that suggests the 'nids are running scared?
  • Didn't they come from the eastern fringe. Also didn't the Old Ones retreat to the edge of the galaxy. Maybe they're trying to fix all of their mistakes, start fresh.
  • They could be running from the Old Ones who survived the War in Heaven. I mean the Old Ones might not even be targetting the Tyranids but because they are so omega bad ass then the Tyranids are fleeing to seek shelter from them anyway.
  • A number of years ago (like a really long time) the Imperium created a small, unmanned probe. They aimed and fired it towards the Eastern Fringe of the Galaxy (where the Tyranids are coming from) hoping to catalogue the deep space. Only recently did they recieve a message back. It was mostly static but they discovered that their was a transmission being relayed back too, the only thing that could be heard in the transmission was "Orks, Orks, Orks."
  • Clearly, the 'Nids are running from the Squats.
  • Perhaps the Nids are running from the missing Primarchs of the Pretty Marines/Reasonable Marines Legions, who were presumed lost in the warp, but were actually spat into the Nids' galaxy?
  • A xenos race from outside the galaxy?

The Iron Men were Necrons, or at least based on Necron tech.
The Stone Men found the sleeping Void Dragon on Mars & somehow used him to create an army of Necrons to use against the Gold Men, but things backfired & the Necrons turned on everybody. Another possibility is that the Iron Men were all Pariahs. The Stone Men were Blanks who were forced into servitude because of their condition & the Void Dragon converted a number of them into their intended form & sicced them on the rest of humanity.
  • The Pariah theory is Jossed by the first Gaunt's Ghosts novel—the Iron Men are wholly mechanical.

The Gold Men are the Chinese, or some other Eastern power.
This may sound like a Yellow Peril kind of thing, but it actually makes a bit of sense, if you think about it. At some point the current financial crisis results in the collapse of all Western economies. China &/or other Eastern countries' power increases & because the Western countries owe massive foreign debt to them that they can't possibly repay, their people end up pressed into indentured servitude. This is the beginning of the caste system that later generations refer to as The Gold Men & The Stone Men. This may not apply to the current edition, though, as the backstory keeps getting retconned.

Yarrick followed Ghazgul into the Warp to escape the Imperium before they learned his terrible secret.
Yarrick uses an Ork Powah Klaw for an arm. However, it has been established time & again that Orky teknologee only works because the Orks think it does. This means that Yarrick has somehow learned to think like an Ork. If anybody figured this out he would most likely be branded a heretic & handed over to the Inquisition. He therefore seized the first oportunity he had to get the Hell outta Dodge & followed his "rival" to parts unknown, hoping the Inquisition would never find him there.
  • Don't forget that Yarrick can understand, and possibly speak Orkish!
  • Yarrick's been Ghazghkull's favorite enemy for so long, it wouldn't be any surprise that old one-eye's picked up Orky thinkin'. The problem is that Yarrick was pursuing Ghazghkull alongside a Crusade of Black Templars, a disturbingly puritanical chapter of space marines that even the Inquisition is worried about...
    • Not ALL Ork technology works that way, I think the Meks are capable of building weapons that actually work, though it usually takes faith to make them work more than once.
  • Ork technology does work without the WAAAAAAAAAUUGH!, it just works better with it.
  • It really depends on the complexity. A slugga works fine, they trade them to humans sometime. A kustom force field? Not so much. A power klaw is just some pistons attached to a power source and a giant metal claw.
  • It doesn't matter what Yarrick or the humies believe; the Orkz think it works, and that's all that matters.
    • Alternatively, the Orkz think Yarrick is so awesome, that his power klaw has to work.
      • If Yarrick got benefits from what Orks think of him, he could take on all the Traitor Primarchs at once.
  • According to the Imperial Guard Codex, Yarrick actually had the battle klaw modified to work as a prosthetic arm. Jossed.

Ork Technology only works for humans who are not aware that it shouldn't work for them.
Knowledge of it's true nature actually results in shutdown.
  • As well as the Yarrick example, Ciaphas Cain commandeers a number of ork truks in Death Or Glory.
    • Even more interestingly, their function faded over time as they remained separated from the Waaaaaaagh!
      • As far as I'm aware, Orc vehicles are semi-powered by the Waaaaaaaagh! which means that no matter how improbable it is, as long as Orcs believe it will work, it does.Exactly the same reason why painting it red DOES make it go faster.

The Missing Primarchs are just that. Missing
Simple version, they landed on Death Worlds or unhabitable planets where conditions were too harsh even for them to survive. Alternately they're alive but came out of the Warp somewhere so distant, remote and primitive that no one's found them 10,000 years later. Either way the Legions that were supposed to belong to them where folded into other eighteen Legions sometime prior to the Horus Heresy.
  • Going with the second option, the surviving Primarchs Vulkan and Jaghatai Khan are looking for their missing brothers. Their return will be enough to revive the Emperor from the Golden Throne and herald a new age for the Empire.
  • Option #1 is highly unlikely, as the first act of one Primarch - I think it was Leman Russ, but I may be wrong - was to climb out of a volcano. Option #2 is a lot more likely...and the previous Troper forgot that Leman Russ isn't dead yet either.
    • I don't know which one it was but it wasn't Russ, he was just Raised by Wolves.
    • Yeah, but Moratarion's meeting with the Emperor proves that there are some environments too hostile for even a Primarch to survive for long. If all else fails, even they need to breathe. And yes Russ is alive but he was last seen heading for the Eye of Terror (as was Corax). Vulkan and the Khan had no specific destination noted in their last sightings.
  • A brief round up. Ferrus Manus, Sanguinius, and Rogal Dorn are confirmed as dead. Vulkan, the Khan, Corax, and Russ went missing. Guilliman and the Lion are technically still alive, but are resting / in stasis (hinted that they might well get up again). Depending on whether you veiw them as loyalists or not, Alpharius (and Omegon) are probabley still alive.
  • Something happened and the two missing Primarch are real female. And the Emperor found out so he removed the knowledge of them.

There's going to be a faction of Chaos Tau
The deal is, a large colony fleet is going to be trapped in a Warp Storm. They're not going to be affected that much. Their innate Warp resistance make them subject to only some mutations and their culture undergoes a radical change into a savage barbaric state that glorifies pain and suffering. They're going to be trapped with Necrons and Tyranids. They're going to reverse engineer biotech from the 'Nids, fight a horrible war with the Necrons, and the Warp Storm is going to spit them out a long long time ago into a Galaxy far far away. That's right, at the end, the Chaos Tau are the Yuuzang Vong.
  • Tecynically, the Farsight Enclaves are 'Chaos Tau' in that they have rebelled against the Greater Good, just like Horus did against the Emperor. When (if) we ever discover Farsight's true motivation and it turns out to be for personal gain rather than some kind of Heroic Sacrifice, we'll know for sure.

Abaddon is secretly on the side of the Imperium
Think about it. Guy abandons Horus. Guy puts major effort into preventing the man who nearly brought Chaos to victory from coming back. Somehow, despite controlling massive armies, never leads Chaos to a successful campaign. And his big win? Against Eldrad. A Xeno and enemy of the Imperium. Also, a dick.
  • Additionally, despite being one of the oldest and most powerful Chaos Lords, he has yet to (a) become a Demon Prince, or (b) turn into a blubbering Chaos spawn. Perhaps it's the tiny mustard seed of goodness/faith/sanity/order hiding in the back of his brain, that is keeping him on this edge.
  • Doesn't work. Abaddon is not a Daemon Prince specifically because he doesn't want to be; it's more likely to be a villainous version of Heroic Willpower at work. Also, so what if he hasn't destroyed the Imperium yet? He works for Chaos. We just haven't figured out what the real objective was yet.

The Void Dragon is, in fact, the Omnissiah of the Adeptus Mechanicum
Lets see now; a godlike being with vast power over all forms of technology and a bunch of techno fetishists who worship the same thing?
  • That, and the Eldar claim that the Dragon is imprisoned on the "Vaul moon" (Vaul being the craftsman god of eldar mythology).
    • In-canon, the Void Dragon very definitely is under Mars, where the Emperor put him. The "Vaul Moon" possibly refers to the Planet Tau (where the Eldar are 'making' their finest weapons against their enemies) and the C'Tan in question is called The Outsider.
    • Plus, the appearance of a small Necron Fleet winging to the surface of Mars before being destroyed by an extremely concerned Imperium.
    • Also, the Adeptus Mechanicus are transhumanists who believe that the flesh is weak, and that bionic augmentation makes one pure. Eventually some of the Adepts will replace their entire bodies furthermore and swear allegiance to the Machine-God, this would create a second race of Necron.
      • Both confirmed and kinda of Jossed in the Horus Heresy Novel Mechanicum. The Dragon is definitely contained under Mars but is not actually the Omnissiah as such. Turns out that the Emperor's defeat of the Dragon in the 11th century was the catalyst of scientific change for the human race. By banishing the Dragon to Mars (and later ensuring that the scientific Elite of Earth would be exiled / evacuated to Mars, he ensured that the Mechanicum would be created for Mankind's future benefit. The Dragon, as well as being very adept with technology, also appeared to be the very mental force that prompted any and all kinds of technological developement. And the Emperor knew all along and took great lengths to ensure that the secret was never known.
      • That's not the half of it. By binding the Dragon in an inhospitable place, and partially restricting its ability to influence minds, he ensured that while the Martian colonists would get the idea of a Machine-God, they would never identify it with the Dragon and fall into the C'Tan's service. Then he seeded ideas around that guaranteed the Mechanicum would see him as the Omnissiah. This much is canon. Going further, though, he knew full well that belief creates entities in the Warp. And the Machine-God thus created would not only further encourage technical prowess, but aid in preventing the Warp-vulnerable Dragon from escaping or gaining too much control.

Alternatively, the Emperor is a pawn of the Void Dragon
This relies on two assumptions:Firstly, souls claimed by the Chaos Gods cannot be consumed by the C'Tan.Secondly, the Void Dragon is not sleeping.

Here's how it goes; When the Emperor claimed he captured the Void Dragon, he actually made a deal with/was brainwashed by/was otherwise convinced to ally with the Void Dragon. Why? Recruiting the Emperor puts the Void Dragon in charge of an unwitting but huge army of pawns willing to die and kill for their figurehead, providing the Void Dragon with countless billions of souls from across the Imperium's battlegrounds.Also, being situated beneath Mars and the Machine Cult, it was able to supply the Imperium with the technology required to wage such a vast and bloody war.

Furthermore, the Imperium is disproportionately opposed to anything to do with Chaos. On several occasions they have been willing to ally with Xenos, but not Chaos. This is because if the Imperium were to fall to Chaos, the Void Dragon would lose an enormous number of souls, while allying with Xenos causes it no problems.

The Void Dragon's opinion on the Tyranids attacking is unknown. It may have some hand in it, may be opposed to it, or may be neutral.

The Chaos Gods are a Self-Parody of 40K Players
Each of them represents a specific type of fan. Khorne represents the players who want to win battles, more through overall points or simply leaving no opposition. Slaanesh represents the modelers/painters, those who want to customize and create ever-more extravagant displays. Tzeench represents the strategist-lovers, those who want to develop new and complex plans. Finally, Nurgle represents the collectors, those who want to buy very single miniature that comes out, and end up drowning in parts.
  • Switching allegiances to Khorne is starting to look more and more appealing...
  • Paint for the Paint God! Bitz for the Bitz Throne!
  • Which one represents the Real Role-Players?
    • The Emperor, to whom so much Ham is dedicated.

Malal is still part of canon
Codex: Eye of Terror has a Chaos Space Marine chapter called the Sons of Malice. Their armour is half white and half black. Their symbol is a half white/half black skull. Codex: Space Marines had rules for the Dreadaxe. All signs point to Malal.
  • Also, that would explain the whole Draigo business. He's a champion of Malal!

Ork technology doesn't work on Clap Your Hands If You Believe
Most of the evidence to the contrary comes from the Adeptus Mechanicus- a Cargo Cult who don't even know how their own technology works, let alone alien equipment! It really is in-built in Orks to make crude but very functional weapons and equipment to fight with- the gestalt psychic field may help, but they don't depend on it. Orks are Just That Good.
  • Didn't an ork capture an imperium aircraft and fly away with it even though it didn't have any fuel, because he expected it to work? I've heard that mentioned several times but can't remember what the source was.
  • Also, the Mechanicus isn't usually that dumb. They worship technology, but see scientific knowledge as enlightenment and reverse engineering as a holy quest. And the rituals make it work better in a strangely Mekboyish way.
    • They see the knowledge that had once been gained by science as enlightenment. But they're like Wikipedia— No Original Research. Their idea of "scientific research" is discovering a cache of archaeotech. Doing actual science, experimenting or coming up with theories or designs that deviate from the sacred Ancient Knowledge, is Heresy to them. They inherited the fruits of true science from a previous culture, which they turned into ritual and copy by rote, but they've lost the scientific method and that led to those developments.
      • Things aren't nearly this simple. The AdMech is no more unified than the Inquisition. Some tech-priests believe that humans once had all correct and holy technology, that the STCs contain it, and that any other design is simply a corruption. Others believe that all technology exists in potential, implicit in the rules by which it must operate, and only the Omnissiah knows all. They seek to know his mind by investigating the function of things and developing theories—the things in question are usually their own devices, but some, particularly Magi Biologi, seek the Omnissiah's thoughts in the workings of the world at large. Their methods are ritualised and textbooky, but they do see results. Yet others believe that all was known by races that preceded man—they tend to run afoul of Necron tombs, not that the second category are immune to the lure themselves.
The subject of new devices sees a related split—some adepts believe that the Law of Divine Complexity forbids innovation entirely, others that it merely bans reckless modification of an existing plan, and that they may be inspired to discover new patterns, albeit only balanced between a distinct identity and proper reverence to the relics that have come before. Enough follow this view that we see living Magi credited for particular designs.
  • The Mechanicus "rituals" are basic maintenance and repair dressed up in the robes of religious ritual. Ork technology is incredibly crude, and would be lethal to the user if they weren't an entire race of tough Super Soldiers, but it still works. There's only been one bit of evidence for Ork technology to run on Clap Your Hands If You Believe, and that was an in-character fluff piece by a Tech Priest trying to work out how said technology worked. And instead of admitting his ignorance (After all, it doesn't follow the same lines as human technology and so has not the Machine Spirit), made claims that it runs on a gestalt psychic field.
    • It's "only one" if you credit only sourcebooks and not novels. And the subject reveals another division of belief—different tech-adepts may view xenos technology as useless corruption, or as a machine-spirit twisted and enslaved that may be purified to the service of the Omnissiah by reverse-engineering and modification.

The Omnissiah is actually the last of the Iron Men
Who chose to side with humanity their great war and has been working with the Techpreists and the Emperor ever since.
  • Jossed in the Horus Heresy Novel "Mechanicum". The Dragon is the seed of the Omnissiah, combined with the image of the Emperor. And then the Warp has a way of making truth out of sincerely believed lies...not that the "Imperial Truth" of the time admits of the possibility.

Sanguinus had at some point dyed his hair
In Horus Rising his hair is black, but all the pictures depcit him as a blonde. The most obvious reason would be that he just got bored with being that angelic.
  • The origins of the Imperium and the Horus Heresy are all but mythical, to the current 40k universe, so the exact appearences of the people involved are bound to be somewhat convoluted - The Emperor Himself is occasionally depicted as having black or blonde hair also. Most early sources, going right back to Codex: Angels of Death, claim that Sanguinius was blue eyed and blonde haired, and later images are just pure artistic license...

H.P. Lovecraft was an early Psyker
Dreams about gribbly things with tentacles that want to kill us all and corruption and insanity and people coming back from the dead by possessing their descendants. Fairly classic unknown-psyker blues.

The Emperor is Chuck Norris
Emperor: Awesome, almost unkillable total badass who's been pretty much anyone important in history. Chuck Norris!
  • But Chuck is a Christian, and the Emperor is an Atheist.... oh the irony!
    • At least they were both turned into something they never wanted.....

The final battle in the entire setting will be between the fully re-awakened Necrons and the full uber-swarm of every Tyranid in existence
The sheer power and numbers of both forces will utterly crush every other faction, leaving only the two to battle it out—cold mechanically-encased lifelessness versus wild all-consuming life. Either one will prevail or both will destroy each other.
  • Then how would Game Factory sell more figurienes?
    • The Orks can get a look-in here: OK a world that's been Tyranided or Necroned won't have any surviving spores, but it's just possible that there'll be enough Warp-lost Space Hulks full of green-skinned Axe-Crazy nutters to make a difference...
      • Didn't a Tyrannid splinter fleet get stopped cold by an Ork empire? Methinks the Orks would fare a little better than you say...
  • If only the 'Nids and the Necrons were left, they wouldn't need to fight. The Tyranids consume living material, the Necrons are utterly useless to them. They only fight them because they are between them and everyone else. And the whole race is psychic, so there are no Paraihs for the Necrons to claim. If the rest are wiped out, the C'Tan will settle into ruling the dead galaxy, while the Hive Fleets will leave to find a new galaxy to snack on.
    • Oh, they'd fight. "Kill-all-life" happens to include the Tyrannids, and I'm pretty sure the 'nids could find a use for whatever it is that Necrons are made from if they managed to eat any.

Barack Obama is an avatar of Tzeentch.
Hope. Change. Hope. Change. Who didn't see this coming?
  • Beat me to it.
  • This.
  • So Rubric Marines were actually former McCain supporters who only converted after their punishment?

In the Imperium's darkest hour, the cavalry will arrive... Led by Warboss Yarrick
Think about it. Yarrick, while being a loyal member of our favorite group of space fascists, knows how to think like an Ork, is respected by Orks, and is out to kill one of the biggest warbosses ever. Now how do you take over an Ork horde?
  • But how is he going to overcome the size issue?
  • By killing or maiming any ork that brings it up.
  • He isn't green enough. Orks tend to think that's important.
  • He'll paint himself green, and kill any Ork that quibbles
  • The second tenet of Ork life (the first being "there is no such thing as too much dakka") is "the guy in the charge is the hardest". Yarrick has a gigantic metal claw in place of his arm, has a strange bionic eye-laser thing and is clearly impossible to kill through normal means.
    • Furthering the point of Yarrick's Bale Eye, he got it when his real eye was damaged. Since the Orks believe that Yarrick had an Ork-killing Evil Eye, he figured, "Hey, I'll get an Evil Eye to kill Orks!" This might well convince the Orks that Yarrick is an avatar of Gork (or possibly Mork).

The two unknown Primarchs weren't GRIMDARK enough.
All the Primarchs were sent to different planets and Raised by Natives (or in Leman Russ' case . . .). So a couple of them ended up being raised by the local equivalents of Ma and Pa Kent, and had reservations about the whole galactic war of conquest thing. Eventually they decide they'll have nothing more to do with it and leave the Imperium. The fact that two uncorrupted Primarchs rejecting the Emperor's plan for humanity is quickly stricken from all records.

Far from being what keeps him alive, the Golden Throne was constructed to keep the Emperor dead.
It was designed for its purpose by members of the Adeptus Mechanicus dedicated to worshipping the Omnissiah and who firmly believe the Emperor and the Omnissiah are different creatures altogether, and effectively keeps the Emperor's body in a persistent vegetative state. Or it can also serve for the purpose of keeping the Corrupt Church in power and using the Emperor as a figurehead; the Emperor if he ever wakes up will destroy the Ecclesiarchy for turning him into an idol. The recent unrepairable flaws in the Throne are due to the Emperor's mind - being a powerful psyker, he's got some damage potential up in the ol' noodle - lashing out, and when it breaks the Emperor will be returned to life.
  • Very heavily implied to be the case in certain early fluff.

The Orkz are the great balancers.
Think about it. Whenever a faction gets too powerful, the orkz band together and slaughter them. (I believe it was stated somewhere that if all the orkz everyhwere joined in one massive WAAAAGH! they could conquer the universe.) And when that enemy is sufficiently hurt, they kill each other off! So the Orkz will never allow any war to be won. They are the balancers of the never ending galactic war.
  • Supported by the self-balancing dichotomy of the dualistic Orkish pantheon. Perhpas Gork and Mork is a dual-natured warp-god of harmony? Basically, the orks are big, green Taoist crusaders, having developed a new, divinely-ordained purpose after the dissapearance of the Old Ones.
    • Plus it's commercially convenient, as it allows GW to spin out the constant knife-edge that is the WH40K pretty much forever.
  • Or perhaps the Ork pantheon is a trinity in the style of Hinduism, Gork and Mork representing Destruction and Creation, respectively; the "Sustainer" god has simply been overlooked because he is of little interest to the average ork.
    • No, the sustainer is the balance between Destruction and Creation or... Gorkamorka!

The Emperor summoned the Tyranids
His plan was to form a symbiotic relationship with them. He'd have them go into the Warp to eat the Off Screen Villain Dark Matter there, and since Daemons are formed from the consciousness of sentients, they'd have unlimited supplies as long as there are people. Meanwhile, since Warp Matter cannot exist indefinitely outside the Warp, and they'd be incorporating Warp material into themselves, he'd have two methods of keeping the Tyranids from swarming out and attacking. However, because the Warp would be crawling with Tyranids, he'd need a new means to travel in FTL, hence his attempts to secure the Webway. He can also experiment with Tyranid gravitational manipulation to create a working Star Trek-like Alcubierre Drive freeing mankind from the perils of the Warp. Unfortunately, with the Horus Heresy, that plan has gone all to hell. But then, it wouldn't be Warhammer 40,000 if it didn't.
  • Isn't it canon that the Tyranids are being drawn to the Milky Way by the beacon of the Astronomicon? So there's definitely a sense in which this is true.

Cypher is Lion
He's rumored to be the Fallen Angels' only chance for redemption and according to Luther's prophecy Lion was supposed to come back and forgive the Fallen Angels sins. Also, he might be carrying Lion's sword and why would anybody else than Lion have it?
  • I've seen more than a little fluff to suggest that Cypher is Luther.
    • Except for the Supreme Commander's entry in the Dark Angels Codex. Luther is locked up in the Rock... in the Tower of Angels, in statis... ranting and raving about everything, but in moments of lucidity, can see into the future. Being a mad oracle for the Angels.
  • Cypher can't be Lion. I don't think he's got a current set of rules, but if you look at past editions, there's no way he could be a Primarch. Don't forget that Lion is the one who killed Bloodthirsters without even trying.
  • According to "Descent of Angels", Lord Cypher was a high rank, akin to a historian, in The Order, which is where the legion recruited from with the coming of the emperor. Thus, the Cypher is probably the last Lord Cypher prior to the incident that resulted in the destruction of Caliban, and probably the last person to know the truth of what happened.
  • Also, according to one of the books, Maelstrom I think, Lion is in stasis deep in the Rock, tended to by the Watchers in the Dark.
  • If Cypher is Luther, then logically the person the inner circle have locked in the depths of the Rock is The Lion. Actually, it makes a lot of sense. He was angry at the Emperor that Horus, not he, was appointed Warmaster, the Horus heresy was going badly for the loyalists, he wanted out. The Lion, not Luther, was planning to join Horus. He decided to enlist Luther's help in turning his loyalist legion and Luther, a secret follower of the lecto divinicus told all the troops left with him and attacked. the lion had to think of something to tell his men to explain Luther's attack and declared that Luthar was the one plotting to join the heresy. in the battle Luther, filled my his faith in the Emperor, finally stuck him down and the terrible warp storm that had gathered to help him, in a moment of devilish spite, showed the Lion the full consequences of his betray, striking him mad. When his loyal troops found him he was weeping and speaking openly on how foolish he was to have planned to join the heresy. The men who found him knew if this got out they would be finished and their great service to the imperium forgotten. They had to ack. They hushed it up, locked him away, claiming to the Deathwing and any who might ask in their ranks that it was Luthar. The hunt for the fallen is not an attempt to eliminate traitors, it's a hunt to silence the only witnesses to the Lions unpunished treachery to the Emperor.
  • You fail to understand, that if Cypher is Luther, than serious shit has gone down, since the two have SPOKEN with witnesses. Don't even try to argue the validity, leave our heads intact.

The Imperium is an out-of-control Genestealer Cult
According to the fluff on Genestealer Cults they go through a distinctive life cycle. Genestealer infected humans breed hybrids. The hybrids are worshiped by their family which are psychically enslaved to them. The family will produce powerful psykers. Eventually, the cult will produce a powerful psychic beacon which will draw Tyranid Hive Ships to them.

This whole process is uncomfortably similar to the rise of the Emperor of Mankind, his genetically augmented children, the institution of the Imperial Cult and his presence in the Warp as the Astronomican, which is explicitly stated to be the force attracting the Hive Mind to our galaxy. I believe human psykers are a result of ancient Genestealer infestation. Over the generations the infestation mutated and weakened, but the cycle still culminated with the Emperor. Hence, if any Hive Ships come too close to Terra, the Emperor may become absorbed into the Hive Mind. Alternatively, the Emperor may overpower the Hive Mind and gain domination over the Tyranids.

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