Quotes / Drill Sergeant Nasty

Anime and Manga

You worthless scum! Quit dragging your feet! Honestly, take a look at yourselves! You guys are nothing but maggots! You're ticks! You're the lowest form of life in the universe! Listen up, you dung beetles: I take extreme pleasure in watching your faces as you suffer! Don't you think it's disgraceful, panting like old people fucking?! If you've got the balls then I dare you to fuck off right here, right now! You gonorrhea and [unintelligible]-ridden ladies! [...] Right now you guys are less than human, you got that?! You're nameless slaves! Once you survive my training, then and only then will you become a weapon! Until that time you lowly maggots are nothing but a bunch of cocksuckers! I despise and look down upon you! Let's make one thing clear: my job is to find the limpdicks among you and weed them out! I won't have any stinking fuckers on our team keeping us from victory! There will be no laughing or crying! You are NOT human beings! You are killing machines! If you couldn't kill, your lives would be worthless! You fuckers would be better off in a corner [unintelligible]-ing your meat! You want to lose on purpose just to stand out? Pretends it hurts to gain some sympathy?! You pathetic loser scum! The best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass then ended up as a cumstain on the mattress! Quit dragging your feet, you fuckers! One whimper and I'll unscrew your head and shit down your neck! That ball is your only girlfriend! You don't need a Mary Jane [unintelligible] with a large backside! Think of your ball as a wet whore and fuck it as hard as you can!

— Sousuke Sagara, training his school's rugby team in Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu

Art

Sgt. Levi. You'll have to drill them louder. Absolutely no one can hear you. You'll have to shout! Can't you shout? I took you for such an intelligent person!

— The Captain, On The Barrack Yard, a caricature by Heinrich Zille

Comic Books

If ya ask me, we could win this man's war a lot faster if they'd send you across the channel to train the Nazis! They wouldn't live to see any action!

— Izzy Cohen to Nick Fury, Sgt. Fury and his Howling Commandos #5, "At the Mercy of Baron Strucker" by Stan Lee

I understand that this no-nonsense tone is all just part of a well-crafted persona to inspire the troops, but I'm not one of your little foot soldiers, Fury. I'm only here because I'm friendly with Tony and I don't mind helping out, but I would appreciate a little courtesy next time you ask me a favor.

— Thor, The Ultimates

Fan Works

Mr. Popo: Alright, maggots, listen up. Popo's 'bout to teach you the pecking order. It goes you, the dirt, the worms inside the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, and Popo. Any questions?
Krillin: Uh, yeah, I- (Popo throws him off the Lookout) AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!
(Krillin Owned Count: 3)
Mr. Popo: Enjoy the climb back up, bitch! Any more questions? ...Good. Then we can begin.

— Dragon Ball Z Abridged

Film - Animated

"Let's get down to business to defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch I've ever met
But you can bet, before we're through
Mister, I'll make a man out of you!"

—Li Shang, Mulan

Film - Live-Action

"If you're going to talk about being cruel to be kind, you may as well know that as far as that shower outside is concerned, that I intend to be cruel to be cruel!"

— Captain S. Melly, Carry On England

You people are too slow! If you were that slow in combat... you would be dead. DEAD.

— Gunnery Sergeant Jim Moore, The DI

Gunnery Sergeant Moore: You burr-headed idiots do not appreciate my cheerful "Good morning". When my back is turned, you call me bad names. But I won't hear you call me bad names, because if I do, I'll go to the brig! But I'll be thinking about you people all the time. Do you hear me?
Marine Recruits: YES SIR!
Gunnery Sergeant Moore: I can't hear you!
Marine Recruits: YES SIR!

— The DI

Are you a real tough guy?!

— Paine, The Expendables

Drill Sergeant: WHAT'S YOUR SOLE PURPOSE IN THIS ARMY?
Forrest Gump: To do whatever you tell me, Drill Sergeant?
Drill Sergeant: GODDAMMIT, GUMP! YOU'RE A GODDAMN GENIUS! THAT'S THE BEST OUTSTANDING ANSWER I'VE EVER HEARD! YOU MUST HAVE A GODDAMN I.Q. OF 160! YOU ARE GODDAMNED GIFTED, PRIVATE GUMP!

— Forrest Gump

Drill Sergeant: GUUUUUUMP! WHY DID YOU PUT THAT WEAPON TOGETHER SO QUICKLY, GUMP?
Forrest Gump: You told me to, Drill Sergeant?
Drill Sergeant: JESUS H. CHRIST! This is a new company record! If it wouldn't be a waste of such a damn fine enlisted man, I'd recommend you for OCS, Private Gump! YOU ARE GONNA BE A GENERAL SOMEDAY, GUMP, NOW DISASSEMBLE YOUR WEAPON AND CONTINUE!

— Forrest Gump

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "sir." Do you maggots understand that?
Recruits: Sir, Yes Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit, I can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair!
Recruits: SIR, YES SIR!

— Full Metal Jacket

If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day, you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on earth. You are not even human fucking beings! You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit! Because I am hard you will not like me, but the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here, I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here, you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?

— Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fuckin' seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will GOUGE OUT YOUR EYEBALLS AND SKULL-FUCK YOU!

— Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister. (slugs him in the gut) You little scumbag! I got your name! I GOT YOUR ASS! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers I will teach you. Now get up, get on your feet. You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK!

— Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! Now! Move it! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!

— Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your excuse?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir, excuse for what, sir?
Hartman: I'm asking the fucking questions here, private, do you understand?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir yes sir!
Hartman: Well thank you very much, can I be in charge for a while?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir yes sir!
Hartman: Are you shook up, are you nervous?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir, I am, sir.
Hartman: Do I make you nervous?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir?
Hartman: Sir what? Were you about to call me an asshole?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir no sir!
Hartman: How tall are you private?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir, 5'9", sir
Hartman: 5'9", I didn't know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere huh?!
Pvt Cowboy: Sir no sir!
Hartman: BULLSHIT! It looks to me like the best part ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. I think you've been cheated! Where in the hell are you from anyway, Private?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir, Texas, sir!
Hartman: HOLY DOGSHIT! Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't much look like a steer to me so that kind of narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir no sir!
Hartman: Are you a peter puffer?
Pvt Cowboy: Sir no sir!
Hartman: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god damned courtesy of giving him a reacharound. I'll be watching you!

— Full Metal Jacket

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Left shoulder, hut!
(Pyle briefly hikes his rifle to his right shoulder)
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved Corps?!
Pvt Pyle: Sir, I don't know, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You are dumb, Private Pyle, but do you expect me to believe that you don't know left from right?!
Pvt Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then you did that on purpose; You want to be different!
Pvt Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: (slaps Private Pyle's left cheek) What side was that, Private Pyle?
Pvt Pyle: Sir, left side, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you sure, Private Pyle?
Pvt Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: (slaps Private Pyle's right cheek) What side was that, Private Pyle?
Pvt Pyle: Sir, right side, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't fuck with me again, Pyle. Pick up your fucking cover.
Pvt Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!

— Full Metal Jacket

"[after finding a jelly donut in Pyle's footlocker] Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon! I have tried to help him, but I have failed! I have failed because you have not helped me! You people have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle fucks up, I will not punish him. I will punish all of you! And the way I see it, ladies, you owe me for one jelly donut! Now, get on your faces! [to Pyle] Open your mouth! [shoves Pyle's donut into his mouth] They're paying for it; you eat it! [to recruits] Ready, exercise!"

— Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

My name is Gunnery Sergeant Highway and I've drunk more beer and pissed more blood, banged more quiff and busted more ass, than all you numbnuts put together.

— Heartbreak Ridge

You best stop eyeballing me, boy. I'ma rip your eyeballs out the sockets and skull fuck you to death.

— Gunnery Sergeant Emil Foley, An Officer and a Gentleman

"Faster, ladies! Come on! My GRANDMOTHER has more life in her, God rest her soul. MOVE IT!"

—Peggy Carter, Captain America: The First Avenger

Groping: And when I come back, I want to be able to see me face in them.

Lurk: If you're not careful, you'll see them in your bloody face!

— Up the Front

Literature

Sgt. Colon: Hright! This, men, is your truncheon, also nomenclatured your night stick or baton of office. Hand you will look after hit! You will eat with hit, you will sleep with hit, you-
Cuddy: 'Scuse me.
Colon: Who said that?
Cuddy: Down here. It's me, Lance-Constable Cuddy.
Colon: Yes, pilgrim?
Cuddy: How do we eat with it, sergeant?
Colon: What?
Cuddy: Well, do we use it as a knife or a fork or cut in half for chopsticks or what?
Colon: What are you talking about?
Angua: Excuse me, sergeant?
Colon: What is it, Lance-Constable Angua?
Angua: How exactly do we sleep with it, sir?
Colon: Well, I... I meant... Corporal Nobbs, stop that sniggering right now!

— Men at Arms

Blend: Detoran used to be a master sergeant, remember. I once saw a recruit stay at attention for a bell and a half after the poor lad's heart had burst to one of her tirades. A bell and a half, Picker, standing there dead and cold—

— Memories of Ice

Sgt. Strings: Who was your drill sergeant?
Koryk: Braven Tooth—
Sgt. Strings: Braven Tooth! That bastard's still alive?
Smiles: It was hard to tell at times.
Koryk: Until his temper snapped. Just ask Corporal Tarr there. Braven Tooth spent near two bells pounding on him with a mace. Couldn't get past the shield.

— House of Chains

So the day started. It was worth it just to hear the military repartee. "What's the matter with you man, point the bloody gun at the target, I've seena blind crippled hunchback shoot straighter than that! Don't close your eyes when you pull the trigger! Remember Mummy wants you to grow up a brave little soldier, doesn't she? You're firing into the ground, man! We're supposed to shoot the Germans, not bloody worms! Steady, you're snatching the trigger, squeeze it slowly, like a bird's tits. Left-handed, are you? Well, I'm sorry, we can't have the weapon rebuilt for you, you'll have to learn to be right-handed for the duration." Then, to little Flash Gordon, who got in a hopeless mess trying to load the Bren. "No no, son, tell you what, you go and stand behind that tree and say the Lord's Prayer and ask him to tell you to STOP WASTING MY BLOODY TIME!"

—Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall

Live-Action TV

This is so cool! I get to call that girl "maggot!"

— Kennedy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Coach O: You like potato salad?
Olympia: [in unison with Otis] At a picnic!
Otis: [in unison with Olympia] Sort of.
Coach O: WELL, YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE TWO TONS OF IT FALLIN' DOWN A MOUNTAIN AND COMIN' RIGHT ATCHA!

— Odd Squad, "Where There's a Wolf, There's a Way"

In space, no one can hear you scream, unless it is the war cry of a U.S. Marine!

— Sergeant Major Frank Bougus, Space: Above and Beyond

Video Games

YOU MOR-OOOOON! You are not to question my orders! When I say jump, YOU JUMP! When I say fight, YOU FIGHT! When I tell to you to die for your country, THEN YOU WILL CERTAINLY DIE!! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?!!

— Sergeant Arch Dornan, Fallout 2

If I like you, you can call me Sarge. But guess what? I DON'T LIKE YOU!! DO YOU UNDERSTAAAND?!!

— Sergeant Arch Dornan, Fallout 2

Welcome to Camp Navarro. So, you're the new replacement... YOU ARE OUT OF UNIFORM, SOLDIER! WHERE IS YOUR POWER ARMOR?! [...] Don't have any? You expect me to believe that, maggot? The truth is you lost an expensive piece of army-issue equipment. That suit is going to come out of your pay, AND YOU WILL REMAIN IN THIS MANS ARMY UNTIL YOU ARE... FIVE HUNDRED AND TEN YEARS OLD, which is the number of years it will take for you to pay for a Mark II Powered Combat Armor YOU HAVE LOST! REPORT TO THE ARMORY AND HAVE A NEW SUIT ISSUED TO YOU, THEN REPORT BACK TO ME, PRIVATE! DISMISSED!

— Sergeant Arch Dornan, Fallout 2

The weapon isn't the problem, Initiate. You just shoot like my goddamn grandmother. Actually, strike that. My Mrs. Gunny was a deadeye.

— Paladin Gunny, Fallout 3

He [Sergeant Dornan] was a drill instructor I knew. He was also the meanest bastard I've ever known. Once, he caught this private out of uniform and old Dornan went off on the most ear-blistering rant known to man. It was inspiring.

— Cannibal Johnson, Fallout: New Vegas

Ten Hut! Alright, you mutated, red neck, green-skinned, sacks of irradiated flesh, Listen Up! I am Paladin Ryczek. I am in charge of training you, back wood maggots, in the art of war and survival. In my time in the Brotherhood I have personally trained more than fifty initiates and I am proud to say almost fourteen of them are still alive and kicking. The Elders have ordered me to mold you flabby, hip slapping, berry picking, rat rubbing, brahmin kissers into capable warriors, and I am going to do it even if it kills you. I will teach you how to eat, sleep, walk, talk, shoot, spit like a Brotherhood soldier. First level of training will be recruitment detail. You will go to the surrounding villages and see what able-bodied primates are ready for an honest life's work. It is your duty to remind the village elders that if they want continued protection from the scum of this world, they will uphold their end of the bargain by providing resources and their best and brightest for Brotherhood training. Now get your weak-kneed, superstitious, soft-skinned, uneducated butts to the armory! You will be issued basic weapons and armor. There are three simple rules to follow with Brotherhood equipment. If you damage your weapon, you will spend a week in the box. If you damage your armor, you will spend a week in the box. If you lose either, I'll kill you myself.

— Paladin Ryczek, Fallout Tactics

Shepard: If you want to help Urdnot, you need to get back there. But it would take a real badass to make it back to camp while injured.
Scout: I can do it!
Shepard: You? I said a badass, not some scout whining like a quarian with a tummyache!
Tali: (if present) I'm standing right here!
Scout: I can do it! I'm up! And I'm going to the female camp!
Shepard: Damn right you are! Get back there and show them what you're worth! Go, go!
Scout: Raaaaargh! (charges off)

— Mass Effect 2

Well you see, recruit, for some Marines the amount of fuc- *ahem*, forced sodomy, that the military does to us takes its toll in a different way. Instead of retiring, the anger wells up inside of us, to the point where we forget where we come from. We wish for nothing more than to spread this malice and hate to the next generation of boots. And so, a Drill Instructor is born.

— Gunnery Sergeant Heartmann, Panzermadels

Coach Oleander: Is your name Joey?
Raz: No!
Oleander: 'Cause I'm gonna call you "Slowey Joey!"
Raz: That's not my name!
Oleander: WHAT WAS THAT, SLOWEY?! I can't hear ya, you're TALKIN' TOO SLOW!

— Psychonauts

I have personally killed 6,078 men in cold blood while looking them in the eye; jumped on 1,455 live grenades; and stuffed fourteen feet of my own intestine back into my stomach. If that doesn't scare you out of your frilly pink leotards, guess what: you are an idiot and you hate America.

— The Soldier, Team Fortress 2

If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it! And then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor! Then he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one! And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! ...Unless it's a farm!

— The Soldier, Team Fortress 2

They give me clay and expect me to hand them back steel; it is not an instructor they want, it is an alchemist! You, my friend, are in a world of tigers, and they will eat you alive if you are weak, if you hesitate, if you do not strike first! Here, you will learn to strike first and strike hard, for those combat holograms, they can do nothing to you. I, however, have a high-powered rifle and a streak of what some call sadism - I call "a will to incentivize."

—Director De la Guardia, The Secret World

Maybe you've seen the films. Sadistic drill instructors demanding the impossible of poor, good-hearted men. You think it's inhumane. You think it won't be like that here. But by God it will, because even one weak link gets everyone killed.

— Colonel Hans Castillo, Terra Invicta

Webcomics

Welcome to the ranch, you little shitbags. I see some of you looking around, takin' it all in. Maybe you're looking for the pool. Guess what? Ain't got one! What we do have is seventy miles of murderous obstacle course, snaking over the most twisted hellscape ever conceived. Pokémon go in. You know what comes out the other side? MOTHERFUCKERS!

— Gabe, Penny Arcade, "The Gabriel Method"

Web Original

You better fucking play so good you've never played that good before! Now fucking hit this mob! Hard! The next idiot fuck who goes and aggros something he ain't supposed to is not getting any item for the next two fucking weeks, not to mention 200 minus fucking DKP! Is that enough fucking motivation for you to fucking play proper?!

— Dives, Wipe Club

Western Animation

Recruits smell and that's no lie
Hate your guts gonna make you cry
Call me smart, call me inspired
You're gonna march 'til I get tired!

— Animaniacs, "Boot Camping"

Shut up or I will kill you! You hear me? Shut up or I will physically kill you!

— Coach Bradley Buzzcutt threatening his students, Beavis And Butthead

Look to your left! Look to your right! One of them will not leave here alive!

— Meelo, a five-year-old training a group of pacifists, The Legend of Korra

Bradford: RIGHT, YOU HORRIBLE LOT - I'M IN CHARGE NOW! So no bumping and none of your cheek!
Truck: Ah! But we like bumping!
Bradford: Not on my watch, matey! This is now a bump-free zone! Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

— Thomas & Friends, "Bradford the Brake Van"

Real Life

Soldiers, we have come to avenge you, and to give you leaders who will marshal you to victory. We have resolved to seek out, to reward, and to promote the deserving; and to track down all the guilty, whoever they may be.... All commanders, officers, and agents of the government are hereby ordered to satisfy within three days the just grievances of the soldiers. After that interval we will ourselves hear any complaints, and we will offer such examples of justice and severity as the Army has not yet witnessed.

— Louis Antoine de Saint-Just, an actual bulletin from The French Revolution

Half-right, FACE! Front-leaning rest position, MOVE!

— Many a Drill Sergeant, Fort Benning, GA^note Or Fort Sill, OK. Or Fort Jackson, SC. Or Fort Leonard Wood, MO...

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