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Quotes / Ambiguous Syntax

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Mrs. White: He had threatened to kill me in public.
Miss Scarlett: Why would he want to kill you in public?
Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
Clue

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Miss Price: This is Poisoned Dragon's Liver.
Paul: You mean they poisoned the dragon, or just the liver?

universalpotatochip: My stomach growled super loud in French omg
universalpotatochip: I would like to clarify my stomach did not speak French. It growled in French class I apologize
This amusing Tumblr post

Mike: Billie was drunkenly mauled by a bear.
Walky: ...What?
Mike: ...She was drunk, not the bear.
Dorothy: Mike!
Mike: Fine, they were both drunk.

Ford: It's unpleasantly like being drunk.
Arthur: What's so unpleasant about being drunk?
Ford: You ask a glass of water.

weak fungicide
The liquid in this can is actually very powerful, it's just that it's tailored to kill weak fungi.

Kenshi: Tanya.
Tanya: Another fool wants to test me.
Kenshi: He'll have to wait til we're done.
—Match Intro dialogue from Mortal Kombat X

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Bard: I take the glove off its paw and I kiss it.
DM: The hand or the glove?
Bard: The bear.
—Entry from Out of Context D&D

<SRG> Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/
<NotOneOfUs> Yeah I know.
<NotOneOfUs> Oh wait
<NotOneOfUs> You mean, like, a concert?
<SRG> yes
This Bash.org quote

Kaecilius: Mister...?
Strange: Doctor.
Kaecilius: Mister Doctor?
Strange: It's... "Strange".
Kaecilius: Maybe. Who am I to judge?

My all-time favorite example of syntactic ambiguity comes from Wikipedia: 'Charlotte's Web is a children's novel by American author E. B. White, about a pig named Wilbur who is saved from being slaughtered by an intelligent spider named Charlotte.'
Alt Text of XKCD #1087: Cirith Ungolnote 

Person 1: I'm giving up alcohol for a month.
Person 2: Really?
Person 1: Sorry, that came out wrong.
Person 1: I'm giving up.
Person 1: Alcohol for a month.
— Unknown source
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