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Funny / StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm

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For the original StarCraft, see here.

For Wings of Liberty, see here.

For Legacy of the Void, see here.

  • From the opening cinematic, as a massive swarm of Zerg are streaming through the city, one Viking pilot transforms his plane to mech mode right in front of an Ultralisk! While there are other Vikings flying around, he's the only one who did that... and he barely gets to warm up his gatlings before the Ultralisk swats him aside like a gnat. Many fans have been asking themselves what in the world the Viking pilot thought he was doing (it turns out to be a dream).
  • In the first mission, Valerian tests Kerrigan by asking her to control a drone and use it to build a zerg base. After warning him for a moment that this isn't going to end well, Kerrigan suddenly produces Zerglings, invades the zone with them and wrecks the labs... then brings the zerglings back to cages. She wasn't rebelling or anything, she just wanted to screw with Valerian to teach him that Evil Is Not a Toy.
    Valerian: And perhaps next time you can make your point without destroying half the facility?
    Adjutant: (when you don't select the drone) Testing. (beeping) No playback errors detected. Repeating instructions.
    Adjutant: (when you still don't select the drone) Subject is unresponsive. Translating instructions into native language: (zerg sounds)
    Adjutant: (when you still don't select the drone) Possible hardware failure. Testing audio response: Your sound card works perfectly.
    Adjutant: (when you still don't select the drone) The only thing you're testing is my patience.
    Valerian: (when you attack without using the zerglings) Kerrigan, call off your... drones? You're attacking with drones?
    • What makes Valerian's line go from funny to hilarious is two things. First, the total deadpan delivery of the second line, the tone equivalent of the Flat "What". Second, one of Valerian's lines regardless of what you use is "Kerrigan, this is not a game!" If it comes on the heels of that line though, the exchange goes together perfectly to make him sound annoyed that Kerrigan is taking the idea of wrecking the lab like a joke.
  • Critters are back with humor. The ursadak calf's description when you hover the cursor over its wireform reads "benign creature that sautees well with butter".
  • Said zerglings come into play later when the pair has to escape through said labs and run into several waves of the test run zerglings on the way out.
    Raynor: Lord, woman! How many zerglings did you make?!
    Kerrigan: Yeah, I may have gone a little overboard…
    • Kerrigan's incredulous tone of voice is what sells this particular exchange. Her prior trolling had come back to bite her in the ass hard and she knows it.
  • In the second mission, Raynor and Kerrigan comment that them working together to fight off the Dominion is just like old times.
    Raynor: My hair's got more gray in it.
    Kerrigan: And my hair's got more zerg.
    Raynor: Right.
    • Dear God!
    • If you wait around for at least a minute, this happens:
    Kerrigan: Isn't there — Really, Jim? *laughs* Six years later and you're still a pig.
    Raynor: What can I say? Old habits die hard.
    • For those who do not know the significance. Back in Starcraft 1, Kerrigan calls him a pig after she psychically realizes Jim is checking out her legs. Many years later and the above dialogues indicate his preferences have not changed.
  • Nova's small contribution to the story is not funny by itself but she did steal Kerrigan's man right from under her nose, which is a little detail the shippers and fanfic writers will probably have a ball with.
  • When you fight the Primal Zerg, they have a number of units that look and act nearly identically to your own, which most players will shrug and chalk up to Gameplay and Story Segregation to make the devs' lives easier. Actually, the Primal Zerg stole the designs, despite you only being on the planet for a day at this point. Abathur is hilariously pissed.
    Abathur: Primal zerg. Unacceptable. Must be wiped clean. No trace left. Destroy primal zerg.
    Kerrigan: What are you talking about?
    Abathur: Saw ranged primal Zerg creatures on battlefield? Based on hydralisk! Primal zerg stole design from Swarm! Swarm on planet for hour, days, already being replicated!
    Kerrigan (teasingly): Abathur, are you upset?
    Abathur (livid): UNACCEPTABLE!
    • Becomes a Brick Joke when you get the Swarm Host, and half the flavor text for its upgrades is Abathur grumbling about how sloppy and resistant to improvement its sequences are.
  • Really, all of "With Friends Like These" is a bit of a breather (Relentlessly bleak Zerg campaign getting you down? Here, have some wacky Terran antics!).
    • Any and all interactions between Matt Horner and Mira Han. Especially when he realizes they need her again.
    Mira: Matthew, don't think I will make this easy on you.
    Matt: When have you ever made anything easy on me?
    Mira: I thought you liked it rough.
    • Not to mention Valerian meeting Mira:
    Valerian: Mira Han, this is prince Valerian. Do you read me?
    Mira Han: Of course I do, princess. I know you're working with Matthew. Put him on, please.
    Matt: (walks into the camera range) ... hello, Mira.
    Mira Han: Matthew! You never write, you never call. It's almost as like you don't care!
    • Especially when Valerian starts catching up with the history the "pair" shares.
    Mira: (ridiculously out-of-character pouty voice) Oh Matthew, I hate it when we fight...
    Valerian: Do you two have some kind of strange history?
    Matt: (growls) *Don't* encourage her.
    • Upon beating her:
    Mira: Stop! Stop! Matthew! You win! You've destroyed my base, and captured my heart. All over again.
    Valerian: She is very strange.
    • When you free Colonel Orlan to help you:
    Orlan: You people are all CRAZY! Why would I help you?
    Valerian: We *could* send you back to Mira Han.
    Orlan: (Beat) Tell me what you need....
    • Poor Valerian's endless bemusement at the roughnecks he's thrown in with. After destroying the pirate cruiser and snaffling its toys for the Hyperion:
    Swann: They had an electric field generator. This baby overloads enemy craft, disabling them for a little while.
    Valerian: Let's get it installed, Chief Engineer!
    Swann: It's already online, Scooter. I do good work.
    Valerian: Scooter?
    • The Stop Poking Me! quotes from the Hyperion has Matt noting he'll never play cards again… and quoting Zapp Brannigan.
      Matt Horner: Hit that bulls-eye and the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
      Also: Hyperion’s a good ship, wait till you see her after I blow out her exhaust.
  • This, from the second part of the Zergling evolution mission:
    Dominion marine: They're everywhere!
    Dominion Thor pilot: Then shoot everywhere!
  • All of the evolution missions involves tormenting your enemies with all the ways Zerg evolution lets you cheat. Much dismay ensues in the Dominion ranks.
    Dominion marauder: [on seeing a Torrasque strain Ultralisk reviving after being killed] It got back up! Oh, that ain't right!
  • The argument between Dehaka and Zagara:
    Dehaka: I follow for essence!
    Zagara: You must learn obedience, primal!
    Dehaka: Yes, come to me. I will collect your essence now.
    Kerrigan: ENOUGH! Zagara, do not speak for me. Dehaka, do not collect my Swarm.
  • Stop Poking Me! quotes are back with a vengeance:
    Niadra: I won't treat MY larvae this way! It's all "grow this" and "annihilate the Protoss that!"
    Niadra: Does everyone have a voice in their head telling them what to do?
    Niadra: Your wishes are my commands, but it's hard to execute them if you don't express them!
    Niadra: Can I please kill more protoss now?
    Half-HumanKerrigan: Keep clicking… I'm reloading.
    Primal Kerrigan: I've always looked better in purple.
    Primal Kerrigan: You should get to know my primal side *zerg hissing noise*.
    Dehaka: I have so many teeth! Must evolve toothbrush.
    Stukov: Let's recap. I was betrayed and killed, shot into space, captured by the zerg, resurrected and infested, cured, given to Moebius to research the protoss cure, and was instead experimented on as the cure slowly failed. Everyone up to speed? Good.
  • Abathur's description of the Raptor has a paragraph about their leaping abilities, which let them scale cliffs and leap to attack foes. Then, at the bottom, as an afterthought:
    • Then, during the corpser description:
    Upon death, roachling break free. Emerge from any available orifice. Extremely efficient.
  • In the second part of the Ultralisk evolution mission, one of your torrasques can crush a car near the end, prompting a single marine to attack your Ultralisks over it.
  • As creepy and nightmarish as Abathur can be, he is also delightfully deadpan at times.
    "Subject, Abathur: obviously most useful part of swarm..."
    "Must solve Zergling lemon-juice allergy!"
    "Spin strand backward? No. Inside out zergling. Not efficient."
    • When Abathur admits to Kerrigan his concerns about Stukov's infestation, he explains that its complexity is second only to Kerrigan's Primal transformation, yet appears to have been specifically engineered in a way Abathur cannot duplicate. Kerrigan correctly guesses Abathur dislikes the idea of someone being better at genetics than him, and Abathur declares that such an enemy would be impossible to defeat and suggests they surrender and submit to them. Kerrigan, of course, shoots this idea down on the spot.
    • His Evil Cannot Comprehend Good trait also becomes quite humorous at times when he's given praise and doesn't understand it.
    Kerrigan: You know, sometimes you're not so bad, Abathur.
    Abathur: Unclear…
    "Will require almost entire focus of mutalisk, much exertion. Must devise instinctive aversion to use in combat. Dead mutalisks of minimal use.
  • Have we mentioned that the Zerglings are allergic to ''lemon juice'' of all things.
    • Which is an epic Brick Joke from Wings of Liberty.
  • Until Zagara learns her lessons about Vision, Kerrigan keeps making her go to Abathur to get additional cerebral capacity spun into her DNA, so she can understand what Kerrigan has taught her. By about the second time, Zagara expresses a reluctance to go. What sells it is her plaintive complaint:
    Zagara: His work is painful.
    Kerrigan: His work will help you understand vision.
  • Stukov's line if you accidentally get him killed:
    Stukov (sounding tired and annoyed): Not again...
  • Hidden in the sound files are outtakes which are quite hilarious, including Dehaka parroting Kerrigan’s lines from the cut scene where she thinks Jim has been killed off screen, Raynor saying “game over Darling” then asking about Legacy of the Void, and Abathur rapping.
    Abathur: (Laughing) Must consume, acquire essence, improve swarm, bitches, bitches. [Abathur starts to beatbox]
    Horner: (Totally deadpan) Sensors are picking up things we can jack.
    Raynor: So who's up for Legacy of the Void?
  • During the final Char mission, if Kerrigan get killed, Warfield boasts about he and his men having successfully slain the Queen of Blades, leading to this pearl when Kerrigan respawns:
    Warfield: Kerrigan… What does it take to kill you?
  • The entire mission to rescue Jim Raynor is full of laughs, including Black Comedy and the Easter eggs.
    • Starting with the beginning.
    (After Kerrigan enters the prison ship)
    Marine: The hell was that?
    Firebat 1: Did anyone else hear that?
    Marine 1: I ain't hear a thing. Probably just a rat.
    Medic: A rat?
    Firbat 2: This is a spaceship. There ain't no rats in space!
    Marine 1: Technically, everything's in space.
    Firebat 1: I swear...I will burn you alive! Wouldn't even be a crime.
    Marine 2: You two, put a sock in it!
    Medic: Radio says the Queen of Blades is on the ship!
    Marine: She can't be! If she was here we'd be dead already!
    Medic: That's reassuring...
    Medic: Shouldn't something be happening right now?
    Firebat: Damn Zerg are toying with us...Come out and fight!
  • In one conversation, Zagara tells Kerrigan she feels pity towards the Terrans and their lack of a Hive Mind, that they must feel alone in their minds, so she wants to help them… by assimilating them into the Swarm. You can clearly see she's being sincere and that she does not get what's wrong in her suggestion.
  • During "Death From Above" if the player deliberately stalls in destroying the power links, an annoyed Kerrigan will yell at them: "What are you doing?!!"

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