Rate the above poster's character

@Sal Fish Fin: Ray definitely has a lot of potential. However, I see a pit fall of him coming off as too good at everything and overshadowing the other characters. I also see seeds of him being something of a Broken Ace (which I think would be interesting option to explore). Overall I give him a 7 or 8.

Now I'm posting my other main character from the same story as Fox.

Overall background:

Genre: Heroic Fantasy, Walking the Earth

Setting: umm, how to describe this…Politically it’s a lot like the city-states of ancient Greece; culturally it takes after East Asia. There’s also magic in two forms: demon animals, which can choose to contract with humans (though it’s rare and only appears once in story), and rune crafting/wielding, which focuses on the creation of device magic known as rune relics and their use (note: the two do not equate, basically anyone can use rune relics with enough practice but few can make them; also, guess who holds a lot of political power).

Personal detail:

Name: Rime Runehill

Age: 16

Appearance: 5’6”, probably around 120 lbs most of which is lean muscle. Light brown hair going to her mid-back that’s typically in a tight braid; blue eyes. Wears chain mail under her shirt which hides her, ah, figure and leaves most to assume she’s a petite male; this is intentional.

Desired role in story: Action Girl, secondary hero, and love interest

Relationship:

Identity of and relationship with father: Her father is the current Lord of the Runehill city/region and considered the best rune crafter alive. He takes both jobs with patience, kindness, and integrity; something his made sure to pass to his children. His response to Rime’s declaration that she would travel was to make a rune sword fit to her talents (it’s not exactly the first time someone in their family has done this).

Identity of and relationship with mother: As a noble from another region that married into the Runehill family, she isn’t a rune crafter. However, she’s a very skilled planner and budgeter. She’s more traditional than her husband causing some tension between her and Rime, but she loves and is proud of her daughter (and son of course, but he’s not running around playing hero and causing her to worry).

Identity of and relationship with siblings: Her older brother is supportive, caring, and a little protective (partly because he blames himself for what happened when she was six). He would have gladly joined Rime’s adventure if he wasn’t required to stay home as heir. He’s better at rune crafting, mostly because he has a few years practice on her. They’re about even when it comes to swords: with his style focusing more on strength than hers.

Friends and acquaintance: Rime knows a lot of people. It comes with being a noble and having to be diplomatic. Based on her parents’ teachings, she’s gotten to know the people of their region and is well liked for it. The demon cat also warms up fairly quickly to her, if only because she semi-unintentionally tricked Fox about her gender (the cat thought was hilarious when he filled Fox in on the detail).

Love interest: Rime first takes interest in Fox because the Spindle was a few hundred years ago by an ancestor of hers; and it’s been about fifty years since her family actually heard news about it. She thinks he’s somewhat naïve because he doesn’t see the grand scale of the city states and how complex and important treaties and the like are; meanwhile, he thinks she’s naïve because she doesn’t fully understand the hardships of poverty. Still as they travel together she starts falling for him but is held back because his enigmatic nature is confusing.

Enemies both major and minor: Tends make enemies of random thugs/bandits; she’s more likely to spare them than Fox. This is rarely from kindness, but that she feels more bound to the law. She has very few major enemies; messing with her is risking declaring war on one of the most powerful families in the country (got to love diplomatic immunity). However, political rivals are there.

First Appearance: Hot bloodedly attacking Fox when she mistakes him for a bandit. Immediately followed by a very formal and sincere apology.

Last Appearance: N/A

Character details:

Character history: Born to one of the most wealthy and powerful rune crafter families. Rime was not spoiled but instead had to learn her family trade - an extremely difficult skill - and the ins and outs of the political playground. When she was six, she was kidnapped by a renegade force that wanted her father to make rune weapons for them. It didn’t end well for them. This event jumpstarted her belief in justice and helping others; she took up swordsmanship and gained interest in theideal of her ancestor that made the Spindle. When she became a legal adult (16), she declared she’d travel for that ideal.

Skills and abilities: Rune crafting (regular blacksmithing and some woodworking skills included in this), swordsmanship (focusing more on speed than strength), and diplomatic knowledge/abilities. Due to her understanding of rune relics, she can effectively neutralize almost any rune weapon. Her rune sword is made around this skill and takes it to the next level by absorbing the magical energy (instead of just dispersing it), which is stored in the hilt and can then be used to heal. It can also absorb heat energy.

Personality: Rime has a lot of Hot-Blooded moments; she’s very passionate about justice, and nothing angers her more than someone in authority abusing that power. However, she also knows when a cool head is needed and often comes off as very polite or formal. She doesn’t think much on spending money; still she doesn’t overindulge much (but when she does, she really overindulges), instead spending money on being well prepared (extra supplies, medicine, etc). Rime initially dresses ambiguously like a boy; when asked about it she says it’s because it’s easier. While technically correct, it has more to do with her suppressing insecurities about being a wealthy noble woman - who has been held hostage before - traveling and going into dangerous situations. Eventually she realizes this and actively works to get over it (starting with dressing a little less ambiguously).

Goal, dream and motivation: Her motivation is simply to help people and make the world a better place, one random good act at a time.

Character trivia: Her birthday is toward the beginning of winter. Her fighting style is based mostly on speed, agility, and strategic maneuvering; the quickest way to take her out of a fight is to corner or pin her. She has an ambiguous voice (it’s a little low for a girl’s but a little high for a boy’s), which increases the gender confusion. She really adores festivals. And lastly No Periods, Period will be averted: she has them but irregularly since she’s rather athletic, and when she is on her period she’s kind of sluggish and regularly drinks herbal tea with pain relief medicine mixed in.

Overall, I'd give you a 7.5-8.5. I like that you've made her a strong and intelligent woman. She reminds me of a medieval Naoto Shirogane from Persona 4 (which is a good thing in my personal opinion). I like that you've given her fears and insecurities rather than making her impervious. There's nothing I hate more than when a female character's potential is wasted, and I have a good feeling that won't be a problem in your story. Great job!

My turn.

Genre: Psychological, Action Setting: Takes place in modern day England. In the plot there is a covert war between Heaven and Hell being carried out by humans who have made contracts with Angels and Demons by integrating their souls/minds. It is rather like a gang war. The story has a Shin Megami Tensei feel to it.

Name: Jackson Phineas Wells Age: 17 Appearance: 6'2'', premature grey hair, pale eyes, 00 gauge ear stretchers Desired role in story: Main protagonist.

Relationship with father: Had a decent relationship for the first 11 years of Jack's life until the death of his mother when his father broke and turned to drinking. As a result of the drinking, eventual drug use and despair, Stephen became both physically and verbally abusive and neglectful. Due to his daughters close resemblance of his wife, he sexually abused her and forced Jack to participate. Jack was arrested for assault and battery with a weapon and attempted murder before his sixteenth birthday. Relationship with mother: They had a fairly close relationship before her death when he was 11 years old. Relationship with siblings: Jack had a sister named Ashley. They were extremely close, and after their father fell into depression it was mainly Jack who looked after her. Unfortunately, however, she was isolated when the sexual abuse started, especially when Jack was forced to join. She ran away from home at the age of twelve and her body was found in a river two weeks later. Other relatives: When the story begins Jack is moving in with his aunt and uncle in not-Bel-air. He is polite, but distant from them for a long while, especially when his uncle reveals that he was fully aware of Stephen's actions but did not report it because he wanted to protect his brother. Eventually, however, he comes to care quite strongly for them. Friends and acquaintances: A week after Jack moves in with his aunt and uncle, he forms a contract with the Archangel Samael. Samael and Jack are a neutral party. They have a relationship similar to Vitriolic Best Buds, except minus the best buds. Jack also meets a girl who has a contract with Lilith, but the integration of her and Lilith's souls proved too much and she kind of went crazy. Jack finds an ally in a boy his age named Tomas Reid, whose benefactor is Gabriel. Tom eventually becomes his confidant, best friend, and even later. . . Love interest: Yep. It's Tom (Tom is bisexual). Tom is very kind, compassionate and intelligent, albeit a bit of a Cloud Cuckoolander (because of this, the first few times Jack encounters him he thinks Tom is a complete idiot). He's the first one to diagnose Jack's brain damage. He is also a pacifist and has never hit another person in his entire life. Enemies: Every contractor except for Tom and the Lilith girl. Because Jack is a neutral party, the other contractors want him eliminated and out of the way.

History: His family was in a car crash when he was 11 years old. His mother was killed and he suffered minor brain damage, causing him to be unable to show any facial expression without conscious effort. He nearly beat his father to death with a broom stick wrapped in electrical tape for reinforcement (that he called Excalibur) and was subsequently arrested. The charges were dropped after a mental examiner deemed him psychologically unfit. He was incarcerated in a psychiatric ward for a year with an initial diagnosis of PTSD, Depression and Catatonia, however the Catatonia idea was soon discarded after Jack lashed out during therapy. He was also under an order to have sharp objects kept away from him due to alleged suicidal tendencies. While incarcerated he took online lessons in psychology out of curiosity.

Skills/abilities: Guitarist, highly intelligent, an accomplished liar, well-versed in psychology and easily able to read people, charismatic.

Personality: Extremely cynical, sarcastic, mistrusting, and manipulative. Experiences semi-frequent hallucinations, but takes prescription drugs to counter them. He also smokes cigarettes as an attempt to distract himself from them. He distances himself from others and will say almost anything to throw them off, ranging from blatant lies to twisted sexual advances to actual details of his past disguised as lies. He is an accomplished troll on the internet, Xbox Live and in real life. He enjoys reading, video games and music. He has a very eccentric sense of humour and can display childish qualities. Though not suicidal, he used to cut himself, mainly on his sides, as a form of "punishment" (a result of his guilt over the death of his sister). He is very afraid of forming relationships, both because of the fear of betrayal and the fear of having something to lose. He refuses to drink or touch any drug because he does not want to become like his father. He also refuses to use his past as an excuse. He believed himself to be asexual until he discovered his Single-Target Sexuality for Tom. He eventually develops into an Iron Woobie and starts opening up more. His compassionate side is still mainly reserved for Tom and his aunt and uncle, but he's well on his way.

Goals: At the beginning of the story he has no goals or motivation except for some self-preservation. Later he strives to protect Tom, and by the end of the story this also includes the elimination of both God and Lucifer. First Appearance: Beginning of novel. Last Appearance: End of novel.

Trivia: - After he starts opening up more, he discovers a new joy for making sexual advances on members of the same sex and generally creeping people out for the sole purpose of shits and giggles rather than trying to scare them away.

- Prone to bursting out in song in the shower if he's home alone (his favourite song to belt is Bohemian Rhapsody)

- He's a gamer nerd

- Hates Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann because it's "too happy" for him

- Loves Neon Genesis Evangelion because "everyone's fucked up"

- Likes lattes

- Likes stealing tea from Tom's house because he loves making Tom get cross since it's near impossible for anyone else to do it

- Qualifies as a sociopath

- Loves sweets

edited 15th Sep '11 4:59:41 PM by MechaJesus

Mecha Jesus

Character Personality/Backstory: I'm going to merge these two since it's very obvious with Jack that his current sociopathic and cynical personality is a result of the car accident and everything that came as a result of it. I can understand why the character is the way he is, which is good. You seem to have done the research with the psychological traits you've given to him as well.

Skills/Abilities: Being able to read people, lie and having charisma are all traits of a sociopath, so good on that. I don't really know what to add to the guitar playing ability other than it's a quirk and that's cool.

Setting Appropriateness: Based off of what you've given I'm going to guess this is an overall dark story in tone? I know nothing about Shin Megami Tensei so I am unable to use that as a comparison. If you're aiming for a Dysfunction Junction it definitely fits.

Role Appropriateness: You only said central protagonist so you can do a lot with that. From what I can tell it might be difficult to make him sympathetic. I can understand him, certainly. He has a hell of a Freudian excuse. I see him being the type of character you continue to read about because you're fascinated by them, not because you neccessarily relate.

Trivia: ...I just find the comment about NGE funny. Nothing else to add.

Overall I give him an 8.5/10

edited 15th Sep '11 8:19:48 PM by Hermiethefrog

a) Overall background:

• Genre: Clockpunk fantasy
• Setting: The Republic of Geier (human world), Fleigen (magical country of Vespers floating in the sky. Vespers are basically human, but can use magic)

b) Personal detail:

• Name: William Friedrich Ritter
• Race: Human and Fantasy Counterpart Culture to German)
• Age: Due to time travel, ranges from 9-18 through the story.
• Appearance: Sour, thin of face, with light brown hair, hazel eyes, and usually wearing a long brown coat.
• Desired role in story: One of the main protagonists, a narrator

c) Relationship:

• Identity of and relationship with father: Heinrich Ritter has throat cancer and his condition has been unstable since William was a toddler. Unable to speak, Heinrich is usually confined to his room and is too weak to go up and down stairs. William resents him greatly; if his siblings did not insist on trying to keep him alive, his sister would have had enough money to go to university.
• Identity of and relationship with mother: Eliza Bingham Ritter was a rich city woman who fell in love with Heinrich at first sight. However, she came to miss her lavish life after years in a rustic town. The only thing that kept her there was her love for Heinrich and their children. She did not survive William's birth. William visits her grave regularly and pretends to speak with her. The only thing he has from her are music books and an old piano, which he treasures greatly.
• Identity of and relationship with siblings: Evangeline Ritter is nine years older than him and is a cheerful, plump woman who runs the family bakery. She is basically William's mother-figure. Phillip Ritter is teasing but loving and is one of the few people who can draw William away from his books and piano.
• Other relatives: Uncle Friedrich Ritter is the town's doctor and William often assists him, since he wants to be a doctor himself. Friedrich is suspected to be his true biological father because William is registered as a carrier of magic— Friedrich is actually the stepbrother of William's father and Friedrich is a carrier. However, his ability actually comes from a contract with a Vesper, but he is forbidden to tell anyone. William is greatly upset whenever this is discussed. Friedrich denies this. William's paternal grandmother primarily raised him until her death when he was eight.
• Friends and acquaintance: Bianca Rona is his closest friend, almost like a little sister, but more like a security blanket (see "Love interest" below). William is friends with a few boys in the town, but after he left for school, they began to view him as "one of the city kids" and they are no longer close. He has a few friends at school, other poor boys that made it into school either by being carriers of magic or scoring high enough on entrance exams for a scholarship. Liane and Alma, servants of Bianca's brother Damian, are two of his best friends.
• Love interest: Bianca Rona, a beautiful Vesper his own age who is insecure because she is afraid that people are too busy looking at her face to realize that she is selfish and petty. She has adored William since they met when they were nine. She is the heir of the house of Rona, who fled Fliegen after a kidnapping attempt by her ex-fiance's family, and William was the first person she saw that she thought she could trust, and therefore made him her servant, bound by ancient magic. She essentially barged into his life and he realized that he had no choice but to let her stay, so he did. Eventually, she becomes a sort of teddy bear that he can hold and cuddle and talk to when he is upset. William constantly worries about the parallels between their relationship and that of his parents, especially because Bianca is willing to give up her position to marry him.
• Enemies both major and minor: Like all "townies" and farmers, he has to look out for himself at school because the richer city kids like to target the country folks and bully them. The Pallone family, Vespers who seek to kill off the human race because of the way they treat magic users, is also his enemy. Angelus Pallone in particular despises William because Bianca, who Angelus made his wife by force, prefers William. Damian Rona, Bianca's brother, does whatever he can to keep them from becoming a couple because William is human and their children therefore would not be considered legitimate heirs. Damian is also very harsh and bosses William around as if he were his servant, rather than his sister's. William also despises the way Damian tortures and manipulates his sister into doing what he thinks is best for the family's power. Fiona, goddess of time, is using William and Bianca to carry out her plans to swallow her siblings. If he does something that displeases Fiona or goes against her plans, she erases the future until he is back at the time and place where he first met Bianca, but he keeps all his memories. Since these "mistakes" generally result in the brutal deaths of his loved ones, Fiona makes him watch them to "remember the lesson better."

d) Character details:

• Character history: William grew up in Andelin, a charming little town on the continent. He quickly learned that the government favors the rich and magic users. Very early on, he accepted the fact that he will probably go nowhere in life, even though he's bright, because his family won't be able to pay school fees. However, Bianca's contract gives him the ability to use magic and he is registered as a carrier, meaning he goes to school for next to nothing. He taught himself how to play the piano and joined the school orchestra, but doesn't involve himself much in campus life. He becomes a teacher to child rose tenders in his spare time, who failed examinations and are stuck with the job of taking care of clockwork roses, which fuel magic and only grow in the presence of carriers. By teaching the other uneducated rose tenders to read and write, he inadvertently sparks a revolution.
• Skills and abilities: Can use magic (it's pretty general in this universe) and is given unstable healing abilities later on by Bianca's brother because he wants William to concentrate more on helping his sister than school. He gives them up soon after because they put his own life in danger and they would look suspicious in the human world. Shoots decently. Can memorize things quickly if he's interested in it.
• Personality: As a teenager, William is sour and usually quiet, but more scatter-brained. As a child or adolescent, he is more timid. For example, if trapped in a conversation that makes him uncomfortable, younger William would imitate a cat or curl up in a corner to let the person know that he wants to be alone. Older William would recite/yell at the top of his voice something like the properties of common metals or his last history lesson. He is always uncertain of himself and socially awkward. The war he has been thrust in has made him very bitter and resentful, especially of being Bianca's servant and Fiona's control over his life, but he does all he can to hide this.
• Goal, dream and motivation: William's first and foremost dream that doesn't have much to do with magic is to become a doctor. Since he is registered as a carrier of magic, the government will raise his tuition fees if he tries to enroll in an institution that specializes in anything where magic can't be used. Unfortunately, this includes medical school. He views it as a sign of defiance to the system, which favors the rich and those who happen to have Vesper blood. William struggles to keep his grades up while fulfilling his duty as Bianca's bodyguard/ assistant in all things related to the war between her family and the Pallones. His second main goal that is mostly unrelated to the magical shit messing up his life is to convince Bianca that she has to do what makes her happy, not just focus on finding a way to make their relationship "official" in the eyes of her family. Regarding the other world that he deals with, William wants to free him and Bianca from Fiona's control and stop the Pallones' plans.
• First appearance: Too ashamed to post my writing.
• Last appearance: Not yet written.

e) Character trivia: Likes whiskey, smokes when stressed, hates sauerkraut, prefers to have all food on separate plates because the juices mixing together bothers him, really likes cats, excellent piano player, voracious reader of fine literature and scientific publications, the pockets of his coat are stuffed with odd and generally useless items (shiny stuff he finds on the ground, a deck of playing cards, a sack of marbles, etc.)

edited 15th Sep '11 11:00:56 PM by snowfoxofdeath

Personality: The idea of him physically curling up in a corner or loudly reciting something is the one detail that struck me as perhaps too idiosyncratic, ie, if he actually does this, it would overwhelm all the rest of his personality. Otherwise, good.

Backstory: The relationships are great. The personality seems to flow very naturally out of his circumstances.

Skills/Abilities: Good; I like that he has things he's especially good at, things he's pretty good at, and things he's less good at.

Setting Appropriateness: His "look-and-feel" seem very appropriate to a German clockpunk setting. I'm not sure how well the magic aspect fits in, but that's due to the brevity of the description.

Role Appropriateness: Good; it's a hero with well-defined, understandable conflicts that are easy to get behind.

Trivia Appropriateness: Fine, I guess? This is a hard thing to rate.

I give him an 8 overall.

Personality: It's fairly obvious that you've put a lot of thought into this. You might want to figure out what his relationships outside of his family/associates would be, so that he doesn't accidentally become dependent on them to give him a personality. Another thing would be to avoid putting too much detail into him, especially with regard to flaws. I've made that mistake, and ended up hating a good number of my characters...

Backstory: Again, very well thought out. It makes it understandable how he became who he is in the context of the story.

Skills/Abilities: Fits with the setting, methinks. He does seem kind of average, but that may be intentional. However, he seems pretty much like a realistic person.

Setting Appropriateness: See above, really. I don't think there's much to argue that he doesn't fit well in the setting. :P

Role Appropriateness: He makes sense as a protagonist, and at the same time he's not too overblown and it doesn't seem like he's the center of attention of everything.

Trivia Appropriateness: I'm guessing he doesn't smoke or drink when he' 9, right?

I think he deserves an 8-9. He seems like an enjoyable enough protagonist, though in the end it would take some actual pieces of writing to show his worth, especially since you note that he's the narrator. That can really make or break that kind of character in a story.

Well, I guess I might have to clarify / refine a bit on the core rules here so that this would be a more helpful experience to the community as a whole. If you have any suggestion as to how the character being rated can be improved to better fit his/her role in the story, to become more endearing/likeable/detestable, or to make more sense in the setting in question, by all means post it.

This is not merely a thread for "rating" in my opinion - it should ideally be as helpful to helping one another with fleshing out and improving their characters as possible. Hence, if you have any suggestion, then by all means, out with it! I am quite certain that the person whose character is being rated will greatly appreciate any suggestion you have.

Also, I'll be editing the first post to include this clause.

Again, thanks to everyone who has actively taken part in this exercise of characterization and criticism.

It seems like the posters above me have done an excellent job of rating earlier characters. I'm not really sure if I have anything more to add, or see anyone who hasn't gotten feedback by now.

I'm going to do my first original character, Akiko, in her final form. The version you see here is her final, retooled version from earlier fics. She's in the same 'verse and story as Mikami, as I indicated in my post earlier.

a) Overall background:

•Genre: Drama/Fantasy/Tragedy

•Setting: The Inu Yasha universe - expanded. In short, Feudal Japan with lots and lots of demons, ghouls, and monstrosities (humans included).

b) Personal detail:

•Name: Akiko

•Race: Half human, half demon hybrid. Her demonic half is that of a dog. Ethnicity is Japanese.

•Age: 17 or 18 mentally, emotionally, and physically. Chronologically, she's about 225 in human years.

•Appearance: Strong face, high cheekbones and a strong, deep jaw. She has darkened, rough skin. She's taller than most other women by a few inches, and her physical proportions are different. She has amber eyes with cat-like pupils. She has fangs and claws. She is lean and muscular, not fitting the standard for attractiveness at the time. She has long silvery-white hair that she prefers to wear down. She has dog ears atop her head that can rotate and swerve to catch sound and convey emotion. Overall, her appearance unnerves the general human population, because of the subtle and not so subtle differences. Her voice is always rough, with permanent undertones of a growl.

•Desired role in story: Anti-heroine, partially sympathetic protagonist, foil to some, and deconstruction of the Anti-hero.

c) Relationship:

•Identity of and relationship with father: Sun. Relationship was brief, and characterized by a shifting back and forth between being adored (while in his presence) and treated with contempt and disgust (when not near him). She did not see his flaws, nor that he may have actively been preventing her from getting an education. As she grows older, she considers this, and her memories of him sour and curdle. She both respects her father and dislikes what she thinks his underlying motives may have been.

•Identity of and relationship with mother: Haru. Very brief. Mother died in village raid when Akiko was very little (4 or 5), and she does not remember her well. She does remember warmth, but also resentment of her halfling nature. She had human half-siblings, but they disliked her, and died in that same raid. As she reaches adulthood, she has little to no memory of them at all, except for fuzzy fragments.

•Identity of and relationship with siblings: Has several half-siblings - Inu Yasha, Sesshomaru, and an unknown number of human half-siblings. Her relationship with Inu Yasha is characteried by her relatively harsh treatment of him, and his wishes. She wants to teach him to grow up and be like the father she knew in her childhood, a man that she respects. She generally disregards him except for when she needs something from him; though she did watch out for him for a time after his mother and Sun had both died. She cares about him, but many things get in the way, not the least of which is both of their belligerent, selfish attitudes. Her relationship with Sesshomaru is antagonistic; she looks up to him, because of his great skill and demonic power (as well as his status), while he treats her with derision, seeing her beneath him and as a stain on their father's honor. She tries to foster a brother-sister relationship, but it fails while his heart is still hardened. She eventually resents him. For her human half-siblings, see above (they only get one appearance, and then sparse reference, as her memory of them fades.)

•Friends and acquaintance: She really doesn't have any friends, and her acquaintances are largely in the sex-trade, as fellow prostitutes. Like Mikami, people don't like her very much, though in her case, it is because of her belligerency and her refusal to follow the mainstream culture's customs (the foremost being politeness in place of directness). Her nature, somewhat bestial and rough, also pushes people away, and her appearence unnerves them. •Love interest: Her love interest is Mikami, a noblewoman and former client.

•Enemies both major and minor: Kouga, her husband, who deeply resents her for forcing him into marriage and a bad relationship for both; Inagi, the former leader of her husband's tribe, a demon, who holds a personal vendetta against her and wishes to use her to hurt her husband.

d) Character details:

•Character history: She lived in her influential demon father's court, and gained a want of wealth and comfort there (which she associates with stability and emotional security), as a young child. After his death, she was thrown out, and came very close to starving. As a result, her greatest fears are of being totally alone, and of starving. She watched over her younger brother Inu Yasha for a small while before turning to her own life. As an older teenager, she is a selfish woman who thieves without concern for those it affects. After Inu Yasha's death at the hand of his human Miko lover, the villagers are looking for a scapegoat for their rage at the destruction of their spritual life and homes, since he is not available. To escape this, Akiko pays a hefty price to be transformed into a human. Finding herself back at her village with no trade skills of which to speak, she is forced into farming by necessity. Frustrated with her continued poverty, she goes into prostitution, which she deeply regrets. She is about 17 at the time. She eventually sleeps with and is forced to marry Kouga, with whom she has a daughter, Mizuki.

•Skills and abilities: She has a Healing Factor, Super-Senses (all of them), and basic control of her demonic energy. She also has greatly increased strength and speed. As she is functionally illiterate, literature and poetry frustrate her. She is, however, intelligent, and enjoys Go. She is good at figuring out how to blackmail, and hiding inormation. Eventually, she gains a skill in using sex, and her body, to manipulate others to gain what she wants, even when not a prostitute.

•Personality: She is uncouth, wild, and generally irreverant. She has a difficult time holding her tongue. She can be very manipulative at times, and will typically only help others if she benefits also. She isn't cold, but she finds she must be harsh and generally uncaring in order to survive. She can be kind, but is only usually so when it serves her. She does not show her more caring side to anyone other than her daughter and Mikami.

•Goal, dream and motivation: Her main goal and dream is to obtain security, power, and respect, however it can be done. Her other dream is to find someone who won't eventually reject her for being what she is, in various definitions of that. She manages to find that in Mikami, though it has minor conditions. Her motivation is mainly self-interest and self-preservation. Later, her motivation is keeping her daughter safe, even if it means that she is miserable.

•First appearance: It is as an annoyance to her older brother Sesshomaru as he is attempting to head to a meeting of state.

e) Character trivia:

• She is very unsure of her future, and frightened of what lies ahead
• She is not a masochist, but with Mikami, she feels that "pain that comes with love is better than pain without"
• She is a borderline alcoholic for most of her young adult and adult life
• She trusts very few
• She will follow a thrown stick without realizing what she's doing
• She has a sarcastic sense of humor and a sharp wit
• She often feels alone, even when surrounded by people
• Her favorite color is white
• Her favorite food is venison

Thanks for starting this post. I don't know about the rest of you, but I like these showcase-type threads; it's cool to see what others are up to.

Anyway, here's my character. I was going to post a different one at first, but then I figured this would be a good time to test out a "totally random hero" and whatnot. So if you Tropers don't mind, have a taste of this:

a) Overall background:

• Genre:
  • Black Comedy, Widget Series, Urban Fantasy
• Setting:
  • Bad Earth, a modern-era world where imagination gives rise to wild and unpredictable events, and split into several (poorly-run) kingdoms

b) Personal detail:

• Name:
  • Tony A. Ward
• Age:
  • 23
• Appearance:
  • Tony is the size of a small child; he stands at a mere three feet even (he has an appearance that suits his age; he’s just really, really short). In-universe, he’s considered to be rather rat-like: ruffled, dirty brown hair, beady gray eyes, and a constant odor about him — arguably, a consequence of his perpetual sheen of sweat. He’s physically unimpressive; wiry, with stooped posture and a head a size too large for his body. Incidentally, he has “the slender, delicate hands of a geisha.”
  • Desired role in story:
  • As one of the top-ranked assassins on the planet, he’s the closest thing the story — and arguably, Bad Earth — has to a hero. He doesn’t want to go on an adventure, or help others, or save the world; he’s mistreated, abused, laughed at, and very nearly killed on a daily basis. He is, as other characters put it, an asshole who deserves to be slapped around and humiliated. But still, he’s the best the story’s got — and if not for him, it’d be a matter of time before his (forced) wife goes berserk and kills everyone. On second thought, maybe he’s one of the bad guys; he is tasked with killing six princesses…

c) Relationship:

• Identity of and relationship with father:
  • Graham E. A. Ward (aka Dave), age 40 — a lazy, selfish, womanizing, drunken waste of space that constantly causes problems for Tony — between passing out in strange locales (and appearing randomly at the story’s leisure), he’s anything but a respectable father figure. Still, the two are on fairly good terms, compounded by the fact that they still live together; they act more like roommates than family members…even if Dave can’t hold a job to save his life.
• Identity of and relationship with mother:
  • Emmy A. Ward, age 39 — Tony’s estranged mother, who filed for divorce when Tony was eight. She’s the complete opposite of Dave; prim, proper, and fiercely dedicated to her job as an official of the Sunny Days Assassination Agency…with her primary campaign being a name change. Her relations with Tony are strained at best; she’s trained herself to be able to work in her sleep, and large patches of her memories of Tony have been replaced with generic files. Inexplicably, Tony still holds her in (fairly) high esteem.
• Identity of and relationship with siblings: (Optional)
  • Oscar A. Ward, age 24: Tony’s half-brother (thanks to Dave’s habit of sleeping around). Currently on a campaign to take over the world — OF COURSE! — and is building an army of assassins to make it happen. Although he’s of a regular height, he’s not what one would call attractive: fat, greasy-haired, and constantly wearing socks with sandals, he’s generally considered hideous. Tony doesn’t consider him much of a threat, though; his hamminess and general ineptitude sours his chances for world domination.
• Friends and acquaintance:
  • Gerald, age 28: a salaryman, and Tony’s drinking buddy. Notable for being one of the few people who genuinely likes Tony… and being a skeleton whose blown-off face still hangs around his neck like a scarf (it was an accident at the office, you see). He’s pretty laid-back, and tends to take life’s unpredictability in stride — a stark contrast to his little pal.
• Love interest: (Optional)
  • Beatrice “Beat” Ulysses Wilder, age 22: Tony’s…sigh…wife. The princess of Sansaria, who’s spent the past five years of her life locked in a solitary cell deep below the kingdom’s castle, and broken out thanks to Tony taking on a seemingly simple mission. Thanks to a string of circumstances and conspiracies (which involve oatmeal), Tony is forced to marry Beat under penalty of death — which wouldn’t be so bad if Beat wasn’t completely grizzlyfuck insane. A chainsaw-swinging, shotgun-slinging, unicorn-loving psychopath with a take-no-prisoners attitude and a secret passion for all things girly (she IS a princess), Beat relishes in the chance to spread mayhem and destruction, and despite her objections to being married to someone half her size, she’s all too eager to garrote any trouble that comes Tony’s way. Tony and Beat are the two main “heroes” of the story, and over the course of the journey they become a certified tag-team force to be reckoned with — and maybe something more.

d) Character details:

• Character history:
  • For as long as he could remember, Tony has had only one rule: survive. In a world where you could be attacked by CGI dinosaurs, cheerleaders united under a hivemind entity, and eye-patched, missile riding bears that will kill you for candy, it’s the only way (in his eyes) to ensure he always gets a good night’s sleep. His drive to survive at all costs led to him becoming unnaturally good at beating even the most deadly of foes and instances; at times, merely by using common sense and quick thinking, he’s managed to kill creatures several times his size. It wasn’t long before Sunny Days recruited him into the agency, on the grounds that if he didn’t perform he’d be the one killed; with that gentle push fresh in his mind, Tony flung himself into dangerous situations time and time again, coming out on top with the mission completed. Before long, he became one of the world’s highest-ranked assassins…and subsequently, got burned out from the whole business. Eager to take a much-needed vacation, Tony agrees to go on one last job before leaving on a peaceful fishing trip. Unfortunately, this one’s going to be a doozy…
• Skills and abilities:
  • Tony is sorely lacking in strength and durability; his physical prowess is slightly below the average human. To compensate, he’s got good speed and incredible cardiovascular ability — perfect for running away and dodging deadly attacks. Incidentally, his head is made of some incredibly dense material; he could break through a diamond if he moves with enough force.
  • Tony carries the “Thousand-Year Totebag” with him at all times, allowing him to pull out useful — if a bit random — items and fling them at his enemies. He has no qualms about throwing everything but the kitchen sink at you — and then, the kitchen sink.
  • On his own, Tony’s able to survive; when he teams up with Beat, his fights get ten times more wild. While Tony relies on speed and long-range tactics, Beat is the powerhouse of the duo; she’s not opposed to swinging Tony like a club, and using his hard head to smash through anything in her way. Beyond that, they tag out for synchronized attacks at will — and their combination attacks are works of (ridiculous) art.
• Personality:
  • On one hand, he’s cowardly, selfish, and in constant objection to how insane his world can be. On the other…he’s a pessimistic snarker who thinks his life sucks so much that he’s moved to tears when someone actually shows a shred of sanity (“Competence! Honest to god competence!”). He rarely learns the moral of the story, has only a fleeting allegiance to anyone outside of his tiny circle of friends and relatives, and wonders why he’s treated so poorly by karma. Even so, he’s not so much of a scumbag that he’ll leave women and children in danger, and in spite of his grumblings he does learn to care for Beat. The problem being, of course, that he’s got to sort out his standing with his would-be girlfriend…
• Goal, dream and motivation:
  • “I just want to live a life of peace, quiet, and moderate to above-average wealth. Is that so much to ask?”
  • Tony just wants to get the job done and go on his vacation; he’s long since abandoned his dream of becoming a filmmaker. Although with Beat’s gentle coaxing (and occasional sledgehammer to the sternum), it’s possible he might give it another shot…
• First appearance:
  • Tony crashes through the roof of Sunny Days’ headquarters after finishing (i.e. being catapulted via explosion from) his latest job; as soon as the smoke clears, he marches into Emmy’s office and demands a vacation.
• Last appearance:
  • Tony FINALLY gets to go on vacation, with his wife Beat in tow. While they cast out their lines, Tony reveals that the script he sent in last week got rejected — but he’s already started working on a new one.

e) Character trivia:

• Tony is deathly allergic to cheese.
• His favorite movie is Shakespeare In Love.
• In his spare time, he reads a lot of how-to books, and is a practiced carpenter — all the better for filling his bag with ammo.
• He’s the owner of a world-class, jet engine-equipped racing motorcycle, the Pantera…but he’s too short to drive it, so he gave it to Dave. He’s forced to drive the Sunny Days-approved Mc Putt n’ Stuff, a pink scooter built just for him (with love!).

I'm expecting a thorough ass-kicking for this one, so if you're willing to offer advice, don't hold back. I could use any help I can get.

edited 16th Sep '11 4:54:24 PM by Voltech44

a) Overall background: Genre: Realistic Fiction, until the inciting incident, wherein Arthur turns out to be a Reality Warper, causes a Genre Shift into an Epic Fantasy Deconstruction. Plot structure is Tragedy.

Setting: Comes from Real Life, but his Reality Warping winds up moving him and his friends into a world based on random shit he made up on the spot.

b) Personal detail:

Name: Arthur Whitney

Race: Human Reality Warper

Age: 15

Appearance: Somewhat overweight, but not particularly so, with thick glasses and messy hair.

Desired role in story: Type 1 Anti-Hero/Tragic Hero. Other characters see him as the sidekick and The Lancer, but he's really, really not.

c) Relationship:

Identity of and relationship with father: Absent.

Identity of and relationship with mother: Neglectful. Arthur is a latchkey kid, and his mother has a habit of coming home at night and not bothering to explain why. Arthur has never questioned this.

Friends and acquaintance: Is the sidekick/lancer to Jason, a The Ace hero type who he invented and accidentally brought to reality. He secretly hates Jason for stealing Ellen from him, but since Jason underwent a reverse Ret-Gone and was basically born with his relationship to Arthur preexistent, he barely has the power to do anything about it. Also has a friend, Ben, who he looks down on as being a nerd, despite the fact that Ben actually has more redeeming characteristics than Arthur, including: a sunny disposition, a drive to succeed, and perseverance.

Love interest: Is in love with Ellen, a popular, studious girl from his school who rounds out the Power Trio with Jason and Arthur. A Zany Scheme of his actually succeeds against all odds at making Ellen like him, but when Arthur's Reality Warper abilities kick in, Ellen forgets about it and falls in love with Jason. He is forced to remain in a platonic relationship with her, as she remains unaware that Jason once did not exist and she once liked Arthur. He eventually tries to use his Reality Warper abilities to make a new love interest for himself, but a combination of his inability to get over Ellen and his inability to make something more complex than a masturbatory fantasy kill that plan.

Enemies both major and minor: He's afraid of a muscular, athletic senior named Jim, because he's Wrong Genre Savvy and assumes entirely based on appearance that Jim is a bully. He also must face a fairly mild Sadist Teacher, the leader of his student newspaper, who hates him because he submits stupid, curse-filled rants to the debate section, and the concept of school uniforms (his school never considers implementing school uniforms, but the fact that the concept exists offends him so much that it is his enemy). Every one of the above is inflated by his Reality Warper abilities into a giant epic fantasy villain, with the latter being a full-fledged Eldritch Abomination.

d) Character details:

Character history: Comes from somewhere between the lower range of middle class and the upper range of lower class. Has a single mother who is an Ambiguous Prostitute. Lives in a cheap apartment, though he has a lot of experience with paper because his apartment building is right next to a Kinko's. Does he make good use of said paper, though? No.

Skills and abilities: Reality Warper - but with Power Incontinence. Things get reverse Ret-Gone-'d into reality when he imagines them and describes them to other people - he's the only one who can remember that they weren't always there. He winds up creating a hero, quite a few villains, and ultimately an entire world this way. He does not make good use of this power because he lacks real critical thinking skills. Personality: At first, he's the perfect wrong combination of submissiveness and agressiveness - he lets everyone else walk all over him, but the moment they turn their backs or give him freedom, he gets himself in trouble. Once his Reality Warper skills become apparent, he initially goes through a shocked phase where he just goes along with everything everyone suggests. Eventually, he goes through a hubris stage where he attempts to use his powers to fix his problems, but his failure to think creatively, combined with his failure to understand how his powers work, cause this to fail. He then goes on a rage against... himself, undergoing a Face–Heel Turn, reversing his opinions on absolutely everything, and defecting to the villains of his own creation. He retcons this away as brainwashing, and accepts his role on the heroic side... but he's not really happy. He mopes around depressed for a while before finally committing suicide by setting up a Death by Newbery Medal for himself.

Goal, dream and motivation: His only real motivations are to survive High School and to get with the girl of his dreams, Ellen Sparks. But his Reality Warper ability interrupts the former and replaces it with "survive High Adventure", and his Reality Warper ability and his inability to actually understand Ellen prevents him from ever attaining the latter.

First appearance: We see him daydreaming and doodling a dog in his Geometry class. His teacher calls him up to the front and asks him what his drawing is, to embarass him. He explains that it's a dog. A dog then appears at the classroom window, foreshadowing Arthur's Reality Warper ability but appearing as a simple coincidence.

Last appearance: On his deathbed, having been mortally wounded by a monster that he created for the explicit purpose of mortally wounding him. He externally pretends to have a dramatic death scene, phoning in all the dramatic death scene tropes. But the third person limited narration assures us that inside, he has honestly stopped caring about any of the people and ideas around him.

edited 16th Sep '11 9:48:58 PM by PDown

Punkreader:

Personality: I am wary about this, everything seems to indicate she has no power or influence of her own, in which case her being constantly uncouth and unfriendly may not win her over any allies. Manipulation requires a lot of thinking and a cool head, which you would want but Akiko does not seem to have.

Backstory: I have to wonder why a dog has cat eyes. XD I should probably remember more about Inuyasha before critiquing this part but I'll go with what I can recall. The early part is interesting concerning the father and Sesshomaru, but I am confused about her relationship with Inuyasha, one part says she looked out for him and wants to raise him but another says she doesn't even acknowledge his existence most the time. This is a woman who has been through a lot and she has the sourness that shows it, though I am uncertain about some things, her age is over 200 but you also said she became human at 17? She did she turn back or what?

Skills/Abilities: I do not recall Inuyasha having a healing factor, I wonder why Akiko does. Her illiteracy makes perfect sense considering her background. I am uncertain as to what "figuring out how to blackmail" entails. Is she good at snooping out information? Does she spy?

Setting Appropriateness: Everything checks out for the most part. She is what she is because of how the world around her is. Prejudice against her kind and woman in general.

Role Appropriateness: A jaded anti-hero with a secret heard shown only to a special few, thought sounds very good. You also listed "deconstruction of anti-hero" as one of the roles. I would strongly advise you to not think in terms of deconstruction or reconstruction as it very often leads to forced and contrived moments in the story for the sake of fitting the expected routes a deconstruction is supposed to make.

Trivia Appropriateness: Following the stick.

-6/10-

—

Voltech 44

Personality: The only sane man in a world gone mad. The contrast between Tony's physical appearance and his demeanor when compared to most everyone else and their personalities highly amusing. I find it odd that he's listed as cowardly when he regularly throws himself into danger and is the top killer in the world, but what do I know.

Backstory: I find it odd that Tony's useless father is the one he is on good terms with while the mother who provides him his job is the distant one. I really can't see why that would not be reversed. You mentioned that he lacked durability but since his wife throws him around a lot that doesn't seem to be the case. Did you mean stamina? Overall though, I found what you described very humorous. Psycho wife and obnoxious brother with a really weird friend is very attention grabbing.

Skills/Abilities: I liked everything else except what I meantioned earlier. That back of everything sure has a lot of potential! "Beyond that, they tag out for synchronized attacks at will." This confused me though. Tag out?

Setting Appropriateness: This is an interesting thing to rate since Tony is very much the odd man out here. He sounds like the only sane man in a world gone mad. Like real person stuck in a cartoon world. And the more he complains about it the more the world punishes him for being whiny. And the minute he relaxes and takes it easy the world lets up. XD

Role Appropriateness: Appropriate. This ties into the Setting Appropriateness part as what I see as his sane man status. He's the grouchy hero who the world likes to kick around but pulls through to earn his happy ending, as I see by the ending details

Trivia Appropriateness: The scooter bit is just icing on the cake.

-9/10-

edited 17th Sep '11 11:26:12 AM by Parable

8/10. I liked him. Reminds me of Timmy Turner (has access to a great power but is too stupid to make the correct decisions). I was a bit worried, in the beginning, of the fact that he is a reality warper, but he didn't come accross as Sue-ish at all.

Here is mine:

Overall background:

• Genre: Sci-fi/Fantasy

• Setting: The story begins in some artificial islands in the southern Atlantic Ocean, at the year 2042. This character, however, resides in a Dream Land like place called the Origin of Dreams, which contains all universes (real or imaginary). At first, she only appears to the main characters in dreams.

Personal detail:

• Name: Eluxya (a name she chose because the main characters can pronounce it)

• Race: She's actually an ancient spirit (older than our universe) an has no definite race. She does appear in human form to the main characters, though.

• Age: Since her latest incarnation (when she finally achieved the necessary spiritual level to no longer need to reincarnate), over 20 billion years.

• Appearance: She chooses the form of a female human whose age reflects the spiritual level of those who see her. To most humans, she looks like a small child, but appears as an adult to the more advanced characters. She has long, wavy brown hair, golden eyes, white skin and usually wears a type of white glowing robe with a few turquoise stripes with complex geometric shapes that are contantly changing.

• Desired role in story: She is a Guide (guardian of spiritual evolution). Her job involves calculating all the innumerable variables that affect a person's life and finding a solution that optimizes evolution. That involves deciding both the good and bad aspects of a person's life, the necessary obstacles to overcome and the most useful acquaintances. According to the ethics of the Guides, interference must be kept to a minimum, as the predetermined laws of a universe should already guarantee the events that result in a significant spiritual evolution, but there is no perfect universe in this aspect (at least not yet), so guides are still a necessity. Our universe, in particular, has a solid set of physical laws and guide interference can be avoided in most cases. Guides are not flawless, though, and Eluxya sometimes gets involved to a great extent in the lives of particular spirits, leaving the other spirits to be taken care of by her less experienced subjects, which has caused her trouble in the past. She is still one of the most respected and experienced Guides in existence, and was trusted to look after over a dozen universes.

Relationship:

• Friends and acquaintance: Being a Guide, she seeks to know everyone around her and do whatever is in her power to make them develop their minds. Even though she is vastly wiser, more knowledgeable and more powerful than the main characters, she sees the individual value of each spirit and is never condescending towards them. To her fellow Guides, she is friendly, but maybe somewhat distant. Being very experienced, she likes to act alone and often disregards certain rules created by other Guides to follow her own judgement, though her high position and reputation usually prevents other guides from opposing her decisions.

• Love interest: She had no love interest for billions of years. She feels lonely sometimes, but her job helps her endure the passing of time.

• Enemies both major and minor: She often has to deal with troublesome advanced spirits, but most don't prove to be a threat. Her major enemy was another ancient spirit the other guides called The Error. He was a Guide himself but became insane for certain reasons that are explained in my third book. She still regrets how she defeated him in the past.

Character details:

• Character history: I'll try to make a summary. She discovered the Mystery of the Observer (third fundamental Mystery of existence, explained in the books) during her last incarnation, gaining an immensurable power. She possesses the capacity to change the laws of physics themselves, move great ammounts of energy and even create universes. She has not always been a Guide in these 20 billion years. In fact, she started out as an Explorer, a spirit whose main purpose is mapping the endless regions of the Origin of Dreams. In her travels, she learned a great deal about existence, from the center of the origin (the place where all matter, energy and spirits come from), to the halls where the thoughts of individual spirits are projected (like I said, there is no difference between real and imaginary in the Origin. Even fictional universes exist in some way, though not every universe is inhabited by real spirits) and the chaotic wastelands further (containing the accumulated fears and pains from many spirits. Some spirits still dwell there due to the actions of The Error, and it is the duty of Explorers to rescue these spirits.). She decided to settle as a Guide about 16 billion years ago when she realized that the involvement with younger spirits would help her endure immortality more easily, and she is currently trying to discover the Mystery of Satisfaction (fourth fundamental Mystery of existence, and the last one), though she still isn't sure whether it is real or not.

• Skills and abilities: She is a reality warper, thanks to the Third Mystery, like i've said before. Almost omnipotent, though her power is limited by her effort (which can become infinite with the Mystery of Satisfaction). Her power depends more on ideas than on actual numbers (in fact, a fight between spirits of her level is more like a stream of ideas and illusions specifically meant to destroy the mind of the opponent, and not an actual physical fight).

• Personality: Eluxya is almost always calm and content. She treats everyone equally, no matter how advanced they are. To the ignorant folks, she might come across as cold or even brutal, because her work as a Guide requires her not to meddle with the affairs of young spirits (they are supposed to take care of their problems on their own) unless her help is really necessary. Despite that, she always has everyone's best interests at heart.

• Goal, dream and motivation: She believes that she will fulfill her purpose when she discovers the Fourth Mystery, and wants to make sure that everyone around her is also capable of discovering it. She often has doubts about the existence of such truth or even the necessity of Guides. In fact, she prides herself on the fact that she has many doubts and even considers herself ignorant in many aspects, despite being among the most experienced spirits (that's one of the reasons of the conflict between her and another Guide, Logos).

• First appearance: She first appears in the prologue of my first book, during the dream of one of the main characters, to help him discover the First Mystery. Though I have written this part, it's in Portuguese and I don't want to translate it yet.

Character trivia:

• She loves creating universes in her free time, though they are not supposed to be inhabited by other spirits. She tries to explore the limits of her creativity when doing so.

• She also likes to organize fighting tournaments between Guides and has created a large, easy to manipulate universe for this specific purpose.

edited 17th Sep '11 4:46:53 PM by Teraus

Well all right. Nice to see you enjoyed the character. For clarification's sake:

• The "tag out" mechanic...sorry, I've been playing too much Marvel Vs Capcom 3. The gist of it is that Tony and Beat fight their enemies at the same time; Tony will throw some stuff at a bad guy or act as a decoy, then Beat will jump in for some close-range attacks.
• Technically, Tony's on good terms with both his mom and dad, in that snarky, "I act like I hate you but I secretly care for you" sort of way. He's just in contact with his dad more, that's all.
• He became the top-ranked killer largely by accident; just by scrambling around and trying to survive, he finds a way to survive until his enemies end up killing themselves, or until he can drop something sufficiently heavy atop their head. Common sense is the greatest weapon of all...or something like that.

Hope that clears things up for you. At any rate, I'm thankful for your input; I've got a long way to go, but your review should help me get where I need to go. Thanks!

I'd love to see what people have to say about Eluxya. She is a very difficult character to write.

edited 17th Sep '11 5:29:04 PM by Teraus

Um, it's really hard to keep track of who's been rated, so I'm just going to go with Cats'.

• Character personality: Does the character's personality make sense with circumstance? He works. I think his reaction is appropriate and believable. I like that he has reasonable goals/motivations and isn't a puddle of angst.
• Character backstory: Does the character's backstory make sense given the setting? I... guess it does? What are witches, exactly? Are there a bunch of witch families that have to pass down hereditary Hellgate-guarding duties? It's a little bit over-the-top for my tastes, unless you decide to play it for humor.
• Setting appropriateness: How well does the premise of character fit the setting of the story? If elves, then Satan? Is this an All Myths Are True sort of 'verse?
• Role appropriateness: How well does the character fit the role the previous poster intended for him to play? I think he'll do fine. He's supposed to be a "reluctant everyman" sort of character, right? His personality fits, anyway, and his abilities are reasonable.
• Trivia appropriateness: (Optional) Does the trivial details of the character fit the rest of his personality and character development? Sure. I'm just wondering if combining your parents' names is a common thing in this alternate reality. And what's with the constant reference to his smell?

edited 17th Sep '11 6:04:23 PM by Merlo

Character sheet

a) Overall background:

• Genre: Science Fiction, Slice-of-Life
• Setting: Native planet, Saffron, with occasional trips offworld.

b) Personal detail:

• Name: Chelsie Monticello
• Race: More like a nationality, Verandi. More specific would be her world, which makes her Saffronese.
• Age: 15
• Appearance: Fair skinned, skinny build with sandy colored hair and brown eyes. Very trendy and fashion conscious and can spend hours styling her hair. She's about 5'4, which is average for her age.
• Desired role in story: View point character, everything we see happens through her eyes but she isn’t the person leading the events.

c) Relationship:

• Identity of and relationship with father: Victor Monticello, Daddy's girl. She can get what she wants out of him most the time with enough begging. They are close though he frequently complains that she is growing up too fast.
• Identity of and relationship with mother: Griselda Monticello. Leave it to mom to be the more strict of the two. While they don't actually fight a lot Chelsie gets more exasperated with her mother that her father.
• Friends:
  • Daya Ibuken, her best friend and polar opposite. Whereas Chelsie is reserved Daya is brash and outgoing, often dragging the more reluctant Chelsie into things. Daya loves to dance and Chelsie makes her costumes for her.
  • Vero Terapashi, her other friend who is also more athletic and relaxed then Chelsie but also shares her interest in movies, music, clothing.
  • Onlee Terapahi, cousin to Vero and a sporty guy. He seems attuned to Chelsie's feelings, knowing when to keep their other friends from dragging her along into things she can't handle and bails them all out off whatever trouble they get into.

d) Character details:

• Character history: Gah, this is hard, Chelsie's life is only just beginning. Born on the planet Saffron, of the Verandi Empire, Chelsie lives in the city of Evertown, where she attends Simon Kalla High School. Her family has lived on the same planet since it was settled. She met her best friend Daya in middle school as the two have been inseparable ever since. Daya often getting their days going with whatever she has in mind with Chelsie following along and occasionaly being a restraining influence. They met the Terapashis when they began high school after the latter two got kicked out of a theater for sneaking in. Since then her days have been a mixture of good and bad, happy and sad with going on trips to the moon, crying when a friend's family leaves to colonize a distant world, eagerly awaiting the latest trends from other worlds even if it means buying expensive anti-gravity hairpins, trying to pass notes in class even though the teacher can see everything on her datapad, going to friends sports games even when the rain shield decide to malfunction, the typical days of a teenager on a world several hundred parsecs and as many years away from today.

• Skills and abilities: Chelsie is an excellent artist and sketches often to design her clothes. She is skilled with sewing as well.

• Personality: Chelsie is often daydreaming since she thinks to much on one thing at the expense of pretty much everything else. Thankfully her friends serve to keep her on her toes often else she'd go without eating when too focused on her latest project. She is fretful and doesn't like conflict but sticks by her friends. Only when talking about something she really likes does she become a chatterbox, going on and on. A kind and gentle soul who wouldn't hurt a fly if she could help it, leaving her very conflicted when she joins her friends in enlisting for the Saffron Planetary Guard to defend their homeworld after invaders from another interstellar nation come to lay waste to it.

• Goal, dream and motivation: She dreams of becoming a fashion designer and going to study on the planet Paneah, the cultural hot spot of the Verandi Empire to learn under the professionals. More in the near future she is saving up money to vacation on the resort world of Crystalia. In the even nearer future she hopes she gets a passing grade in Chemistry class.

• First appearance: Being woken by her alarm that sets her sound system on max and blares it in her room to wake her.
• Last appearance: Bleeds to death alone in a street after being shot the day before during the invasion of her homeworld by an enemy nation.

e) Character trivia:

• Born - March 15, 2981.
• She has a pet quehog, an animal that looks like the fusion of a frog and a pig.

Mine wasn't rated yet. Just sayin'

edited 17th Sep '11 6:49:53 PM by Teraus

@Teraus:

I don't know. I mean, I got kind of Mary Sue vibes from it, but I'm not sure if I can place my finger on exactly why. There were some really cool parts, like the kind of dreamy serenity, though... I think I'll give it a 7/10.

@ Teraeus

• Character personality: Does the character's personality make sense with circumstance? Hard to say. What would a 20 billion year old nonhuman be like? I think what you have sounds reasonable. I wouldn't mind reading about this character if she were a side character, but the "always calm and wise and super powerful" thing would make her not so fun as a primary protagonist I think.
• Character backstory: Does the character's backstory make sense given the setting? What're these "Mysteries"? How special is it that she knows one? How many denizens of the Origin have discovered Mysteries? It would bother me if she's the only one who's ever discovered a Mystery and became overpowered as a result, but if it's a relatively normal thing to happen, and there are many other beings with comparative power, then I wouldn't mind.
• Setting appropriateness: How well does the premise of character fit the setting of the story? Sounds like the story's on a very large scale, larger-than-universes kind of scope, so I'd say it does.
• Role appropriateness: How well does the character fit the role the previous poster intended for him to play? It kind of bothers me that she's both highly respected, wise, all that, but also disregards the rules with little trouble/consequences from others of her type. That's mitigated by the fact that she comes off as uncaring and you have her favoritism sometimes cause trouble, though. And the fighting method you describe is pretty cool, although I don't know how it'd work in practice. How do you destroy a mind with images?
• Trivia appropriateness: (Optional) Does the trivial details of the character fit the rest of his personality and character development? For what reason would she enjoy fighting tournaments? Otherwise it sounds alright.

edited 17th Sep '11 7:06:44 PM by Merlo

Mary Sue? Seriously?

Just because she is powerful?

A Mary Sue is a character who breaks willing suspension of disbelief by bending the plot towards them to make them look better.

Your character is a reality warper at a very young age and you didn't provide any actual reasons, and I still don't think he is a Sue because he is obviously very flawed. Eluxya is also a reality warper because she has trained and studied for many years. She didn't achieve anything easily. She doesn't steal the spotlight unless there's a very good reason to. She has a specific role in a story that involves possibilities and ideas I spent years developing, and a character like her is important to illustrate many of these concepts.

Why, exactly, did you get Mary Sue vibes from her? It would help if you were a bit more specific.

She's not a protagonist. Notice that I said almost always calm. She does get pissed off on a few occasions. Very pissed off in rare ones.

A Mystery is a truth that cannot be said in words, but it changes the way an individual sees the world. There are four mysteries: Mystery of Time and Space (like in the game), Mystery of Matter and Energy, Mystery of the Observer and Mystery of Satisfaction. My post would be huge if I were to explain each mystery, but, basically, they are extremely difficult notions to discover.

Every guide knows at least two mysteries, but many know three, including The Error and Logos, who I've mentioned before. The protagonist knows only the First Mystery for most of the story.

Indeed.

She only gets away with her actions because her transgressions have valid reasons and, most of the time, bring good results. Like I said, she is very experienced. There are Guides who often disagree with her, and she is not always right. She is just supposed to be among the best guides around.

She often needs to face major dangers in the Origin (like the chaotic wasteland I've mentioned) and these competitions help them prepare their minds to deal with extreme situations of fear, confusion and suffering.

edited 17th Sep '11 7:28:33 PM by Teraus

I told you it was just a general feeling I got. In retrospect, stating irrational feelings was likely unwise and rude. In light of this, I'll raise it to an 8/10.

EDIT: Looking back, I think it might have been a bad first impression because of the "made up a pronounceable name". It's a respected trope, but it's struck me as cheesy ever since I was a kid.

edited 17th Sep '11 7:14:57 PM by PDown

My story involves beings that are not from this universe. Not all of these universes have sound, mind you, and naming circumstances can be completely different from ours.

edited 17th Sep '11 7:19:24 PM by Teraus

Yeah, it's just an irrational Pet-Peeve Trope, I guess. It wasn't fair for my impression to be hurt by it.

EDIT: I'm sorry about this whole thing, I feel like a jerk now.

edited 17th Sep '11 8:21:08 PM by PDown

Well, here goes.

a) Overall background:

• Genre: The Western, but with magic. And humor.
• Setting: 1870s USA. Texas, specifically. Magic has always existed, but mostly ignored or avoided by all except for those looking for it. The number of such people steadily declined as the centuries went on. Magic's influence has all but disappeared from societies that have adopted Enlightenment principles, but can still be found in the wilder places of the world—such as the American frontier.

b) Personal detail:

• Name: (Father) William H. Cawley (henceforth he shall be referred to as Cawley)
• Race: 3rd generation Irish American
• Age: 31
• Appearance: Blond, average height (5'6.5") and build, average face, unremarkable. Usually has a skeptical frown. Loses his left ear and left eye on separate occasions.
• Desired role in story: One of several protagonists, if not the main protagonist.

c) Relationship:

• Identity of and relationship with father: Henry Cawley. 2nd generation Irish-American, St. Louis dock worker. He's dead.
• Identity of and relationship with mother: Eliza Quinn Cawley. Domestic servant. She's dead too.
• Identity of and relationship with siblings:
  • Thomas Cawley, the oldest sibling. Died as an infant before Cawley was born.
  • Hannah Frances Cawley, younger by 1 year. He doesn't see her much, not since 1851.
• Friends and acquaintance: Marcel Rosier is his current traveling companion and partner-in-crime, figuratively speaking. Most of the things they do aren't necessarily illegal, but still rather shady. Rosier is laid-back, and hedonistic, in contrast to Cawley's uptight, no-nonsense demeanor. They do switch roles now and then, depending on how sober they are. He will occasionally indulge in minor shenanigans at Cawley's expense, and mooches off his money, but he's generally reliable when it counts. He is also more experienced and powerful in magic, and acted like a mentor early on in their relationship. He also acts as Cawley's left ear and eye after he loses those.
• Love interest: None that I can think of.
• Enemies both major and minor: The amber-eyed stranger, and a man who claims to be the devil. Oh, and if you've ever met a man about "yea height" with a lisp and a peg leg, Cawley would like a word with you.

d) Character details:

• Character history: When Cawley was twelve years old, he stole some trinkets from a peg-legged vagrant. Within the week, his sister vanished without a trace, his father died gruesomely, apparently by his own hand; and his mother went insane and was committed to a sanitarium, where she died a year later. Needless to say, he was rather traumatized by the whole affair. Struggling with guilt and fear of "satanic" magic, he vehemently pushed himself into Catholicism, also helped by the fact that the orphanage he was admitted to was run by the Catholic church. Eventually he entered the priesthood and learned some basic exorcism, but even after it was all said and done personal turmoil still prevented him from settling down. For a time he wandered up and down the Mississippi, and inadvertently got involved in several of strange events. Said events forced him to pick up some magic, both sanctioned and unsanctioned. The Church collectively facepalmed at this, and he struck out for the territories, to save face for both himself and the Church. He continued to pick up new magic skills while traveling the West.
• Skills and abilities: Clergy stuff, i.e. preaching, baptizing, administering sacraments, witnessing marriages and conducting funeral liturgies. Less conventionally, he also does exorcism, summoning/sorcery, and casting runes and sigils for divination and spells. Dabbled in voodoo hoodoo. He's an adequate shot with a revolver, although it took him some time to adjust to quick-drawing and aiming with only one eye.
• Personality: As mentioned above, Cawley tends to put on a stern, no-nonsense appearance. There's always something getting on his nerves, whether it's rude people, Protestants Anglicans, being hungry, injuries, nicotine withdrawal, Rosier's antics, or the weather. However, Cawley's not totally impervious to whimsy and human weaknesses like greed, impatience, irrationality, and having a foul mouth. He also takes an "ends justify the means" approach to all problems, which is why he's dabbled in "heathen" magic. Party due to the nature of his skills, he has gotten very good at keeping (relatively) calm and taking anything in stride. He is politer to all women, but isn't above fighting them if necessary.
  • Cawley is self-aware of his un-priestly tendencies. Although not always successful, he makes a good effort to keep them in check, as they're partly responsible for the friction between him and the mainstream church, and there's always the fear of divine punishment. He's very much torn between fascination with unsanctioned magic and adhering to Christian principles. This is a very important plot point. After the San Pedro exorcism he more fully embraces his unorthodox methods.
• Goal, dream and motivation: Immediate goals usually involve money, since he's unwilling to settle down and get a regular income. Less immediate is to help people who he feels have been unfairly screwed over, unless they've pissed him off in some way. He'd also like to find out what happened to Hannah, by trying out various divination spells himself or asking other magic-users to do so, but since his search has so far proved unfruitful it's taken a back seat to other pressing concerns. Currently he's looking for one Frank Montana, who owes him some stuff. Some very important stuff.
• First appearance: Waking up in a Texas hotel/brothel, about halfway in.
• Last appearance: Well… he's the protagonist…

e) Character trivia:

• He has been addicted to morphine in the past. It's mostly gone now, but he does indulge in narcotics when he gets injured. He knows from practice which brands of medical syrups and elixirs produce the best results. When under the influence, he's terrible at physical tasks but casts magic better.
• As a side note, he is a terrible priest, and not intended to be a role model in any way. If he returned to St. Louis and carried on as usual he'd probably be defrocked.

edited 19th Sep '11 9:41:36 PM by Merlo

@Parable: Thank you for your thorough critique. :) there are some things I should clarify in light of that.

• As a social outcast, she really doesn't have any influence of sigificance, and it is part of what she hopes to attain. Her Super-Senses make it more difficult to be around lots of people, in a way similar to someone with a sensory processing dysfunction. Based on how she was treated, and the fact that she lives on the outskirts or even in the wilderness, she feels that Humans Are Bastards, and greatly dislikes the thought of having them as allies. She r purposely acts that way as well so that people leave her be, afraid of her.

• Thanks! I should have clarified that. She wants to care for him and watch him when both are still children, but leaves to tend to her own life, leaving him alone. It's when she gets older that she acts that way, when both of them are completely self-absorbed. When I said 17, I meant in mental and emotional age, with her body matching. She ages at a very different rate than humans. Yes, she does get turned back by a caveat in the demon witch's spell.

• i. Erm, actually he does have a healing factor - it seems stadard for demons in the series. Akiko eventually destroys hers through alcohol abuse and nonstop throwing herself into skirmishes to get killed by the end, and she can't exactly grow back her eyes or right arm...

• Good, I'm glad it does. Sorry. She's good at snooping, as well as coercing others into doing things like reading her contract to her.

• thanks. I am trying to be careful with that, and not turn her into a Woobie.

• thank you very much! I didn't even explain the implications it has elsewhere. [Grin] which are deliciously nasty andharsh. I meant examining the antihero with realism. I do try to not think in tbose terms , though, for that very reason.

• The poor girl needs some fun.