- From the Car Wash episode, Tommy impersonates his grandpa while foam fills up the car, by putting bubbles on his face. It later becomes a heartwarming moment when you realize that Tommy's impersonation helps Chuckie get over his fear of the car wash.
- Another moment at the beginning of the same episode where the camera cuts back and forth between Chuckie's interpretation of events at the car wash and Chaz's.
- Also from that episode: Chaz and Stu have gotten distracted at the car wash, forgetting to take the babies out of Chaz's van. When Chaz realizes this, he races to the next customer's car, exclaims, "Move over, this is an emergency! I'm a dad!" He proceeds to throw the other customer out of his car and drive it into the car wash. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
- From the otherwise quite sombre "I Remember Melville":
Tommy: I know! We'll get Chuckie a new bug!
Phil: Hey, if we find two bugs, can I eat the other one?
- Also when he said "Me and Melville are just fine here. We are not dead, okay?!"
- From the episode "The Seven Voyages of Cynthia," in which Tommy and Chuckie lose Angelica's doll, but are afraid to tell her:
Tommy: Hey, Angelica... uh... we got something to tell ya...
Angelica: What is it?!
Tommy: Uh... it's about Cynthia...
Angelica: Oh, Tommy! Do you know where she is?!
Angelica: 'Cuz if I find out who took her, I'll mash 'em, and crash 'em, and smash 'em into a million zillion blobs of applesauce!!!
Tommy and Chuckie: *gulp*
- And then, after agreeing to help her look for Cynthia, Tommy and Chuckie pretend to search around Tommy's backyard:
Chuckie: Tommy, what are we doin' in this bush? We know Cynthia's not in here...
Tommy: Well... I guess we could tell Angelica what really happened...
Chuckie: I don't know, Tommy. You wanna end up a blob of applesauce?!
- "Angelica Runs Away", when Angelica ruins Drew's home office and he says she's in very big trouble:
: Oh daddy, you're silly. I can't be in trouble, I'm Angelica! Your only daughter, your princess, your cupcake! Your little tax shelter! (Smash Cut to Angelica's room) Drew
: And you're gonna stay
in your room! Angelica
: But, daddy- Drew
: You're gonna stay in your room and think about what you did! (slams the door...then calmly walks downstairs musing
) Well, Charlotte, I did it. I actually did it! I disciplined Angelica.
- From the same episode,
Drew: Schnookums, I'm heading over to Stu and Didi's.
Charlotte: Okay, I'll look in on Angelica, and Drew... DON'T CALL ME SCHNOOKUMS!
Drew: (slightly defeated) Yes dear...
- "Pickles vs. Pickles": When Angelica's in court:
Angelica: Your Highness, if it pleases the corpse, I'd like to act as my own lawyer.
- The start of "A Visit From Lipschitz" references the 1967 film Guess Who's Coming to Dinner:
Didi: Stu, you'll never guess who's coming to dinner!
- Chaz's recap of Chuckie's first visit to the barber: "And after he smeared the industrial strength cologne and got into the barrel of hair, he knocked over a tub of lather, skidded into a shelf of shampoo, and snapped a cardboard cut-out of Crew Cut the Clown right in half. I've never been so humiliated in all my life."
- Arguably, Chuckie's mangled retelling of the same tale to the other babies was even funnier.
- Another hilarious part of the same episode: Chaz claims he's never been so humiliated. Cue Stu and Didi naming instances where he has in fact been that humiliated, with Chaz looking back and forth between them as if at a tennis match, until he screams, "Okay, okay, I exaggerated!"
- This conversation during the Beach Episode:
Chuckie: We look silly, we're sticky, and we smell like a coconut cream pie.
Angelica: (Runs by) Look at me! Look at me!
Tommy: (Deadpan) Well, at least we don't look like that.
- Or how about when Lil asks Phil if he'd save her from a snake? His response — "How big a snake?".
- The now-famous scene of poor Stu's descent into madness as he's forced to go out and buy chocolate pudding mix in the middle of the night for the "injured" Angelica in "Angelica Breaks a Leg".
Didi: Stu, what are you doing?
Stu: Making chocolate pudding.
Didi: It's 4:00 in the morning. Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Stu: Because I've lost control of my life.
- The episode "The Joke's on You"
Angelica: It's gonna be lots of fun staying at your house today, Uncle Sucker... I mean, Uncle Stu!
- The episode where they camp in the backyard.
Angelica: We ran away cause we were scared of Satchmo.
Angelica: No, the monster!
Stu: Angelica seems to think there's someone in the neighborhood named "Satchmo".
Stu: No, the monster. Now where did she get an idea like that?
Grandpa: Beats me. Must be something they got from TV.
- In case you didn't catch that episode, the joke was that Grandpa had just scared the pants off of the kids by telling them a horror story about "the sasquatch". The kids got the story so twisted up that not even Grandpa knew what the heck they were talking about when they repeated it back to him.
- Grandpa and Stu's conversation about appropriate camp stories is hilarious, because of the reversal of expectations:
Stu: Say, I hope you're not reading the kids anything too scary, Pop.
Lou: Well, that all depends. It might be scary if you're 35 years old and you suddenly realize that you've never really lived!
Stu: ...Look, Pop, are you sure about this whole camping experiment?
Lou: Stu, just because you had one bad teensy-weensy experience in the woods, doesn't mean you have to wreck the great outdoors for everyone.
Stu: Teensy weensy? I was lost for three days!
Lou: Stu, that was over a year ago. Isn't it about time you put it behind ya?
- And this follow-up conversation a bit later:
Didi: Stu, this isn't Manitoba, it's our backyard. The kids'll be fine. Go to sleep, and soon it will be morning, and we can all go on with our lives!
Stu: Yeah, I guess you're right. Good night.
(light goes off, then comes back on)
Stu: What if there's a flash flood?
Didi: Stu, go to sleep.
- When Tommy spends the weekend at Chuckie's house. After Tommy wakes him up over and over again to say something innocuous like "I'm glad I'm staying at your house," Chuckie finally has enough:
Tommy: Hey, Chuckie...
Chuckie: WHAT?! Tommy, what?! I'm trying to sleep!
Tommy: Oh, I was just thinking about green Jell-o.
Chuckie: Green Jell-o?
Tommy: Yeah, how do they do it?
Chuckie: Do what?
Tommy: Make it green.
Chuckie: I don't know, Tommy. Just go to sleep!
(They do, but then Chuckie's eyes shoot open.)
Chuckie: (whispering, frightened) How do they make it green?
- "Tommy's First Birthday":
- Stu introduces the Hoverama, a hovercraft he made as a present for Tommy:
Grandpa: Stu, are you off your nut? Tommy's not old enough for that gizmo! Heck, I'm not even old enough for it!
- When Stu wants to stand in for the no-show puppeteers:
- The scene where Stu and Drew argue about their childhoods during the puppet show, which descends into a family therapy session.
Stu: That was my bike! I earned it with my paper route!
Drew: It was still usable! I only bent the handlebars a little! And that was on account of what you did to my skateboard!
Stu: SKATEBOARD!? SKATEBOARD!!!
Didi: Okay, let's agree to disagree. Stu, you shouldn't have wrecked Drew's skateboard. Drew, you shouldn't have bent Stu's handlebars.
Boris: What's the matter with you, Didi? Let the boys argue.
- Towards the end, the argument shifts into Narmtastic territory with Stu and Drew crying over another anecdote:
Didi: Now you, Stu. Don't hold back.
Stu: (sniffles) Tony Bow-Wow was my favorite stuffed toy. (sniffles again) Wh-why'd you have to go and... (voice breaks) tear his ears off?
Drew: It was wrong, Stu. I was only four. Can you ever forgive me? (he starts crying)
- All this goes down as they're still working the puppets, kneeled down inside the prop theater and all! Didi even pets Stu's Little Red Riding Hood puppet as he cries.
- Even better, this scene takes a backseat to Chuckie controlling the Hoverama. None of the adults see it rising while Stu and Drew argue or even notice it until it flies into the cake.
- Howard saying Stu and Drew gave a "spirited performance" for the puppet show, only to take it back when Didi and Betty give him a Death Glare.
- The babies getting naked in "Naked Tommy"
Tommy: Um, Lil, could I ask you a question?
- "Spike Runs Away" has quite a lot of funny moments with each replacement pet Stu and Didi bring.
- The first pet is Cuddles, a very aggressive poodle belonging to Mr. Fillihulster, one of their neighbors. Cuddles constantly barks and growls angrily at Tommy and Chuckie, breaks his toys, steals any time he might have had with Stu and Didi from him, and demands they give her what food they do have. According to Didi, when Mr. Fillihulster took her back, she bit him the minute she got inside the door. Tommy sums her up best;
Chuckie, I knew Spike! Spike was a friend of mine! And let me tell you something, that poople
is no Spike!
- Stu then buys a tarantula named Terry. The babies let him lose and the spider crawls into Grandpa's bedroom, where Grandpa's sleeping in his bed, and the spider crawls onto the bed. A view from Terry's eyes is shown as Lou awakens and stares at Terry in horror. Back in the kitchen, Didi and Stu are sitting at the table...
Didi: $50 for a spider? Why, Stu, I can't believe it!
Stu: Think of it as an investment, Deed.
Grandpa (off-screen from upstairs): GAAAAAH!!! (A big smack is heard, and then Grandpa Lou steps downstairs with the dead spider in a wadded handkerchief) Boy, there was a huge spider in my bed. Got him, though. (puts the hankie with the dead spider into the trash can) So, what's for dinner?
- Stu buys two gerbils, Tanya and Rupert, and the kids let them loose in the basement. Several weeks later, Tommy and Chuckie open the basement door.
Chuckie: Look, Tommy! The floor's movin'!
- While they're staring at the basement floor, Stu finds them and sees the "moving floor" and immediately yells, "Didi, come quick! The gerbils have reproduced!"
- Even before that scene is a great joke, when Didi is annoyed that the gerbils keep leaving their little "presents" all over the house. Tommy and Chuckie exclaim, "Presents?" Smash cut to a close-up of gerbil poop.
Tommy: Hey! This isn't a present! It's gerdil poop!
- Even before that, there's Chuckie lampshading the running gag of each of the new pets not working out in one way or another right after the gerbils run away.
Chuckie: Boy, we're not having good luck with all these aminals, are we?
- Lou and Stu arguing with each other:
Lou: Why do you always lose your keys, dag-nabbit?!
Stu: Why do you always talk like a prospector when you're aggravated, "con-flabbit?".
- The entirety of "Angelica Orders Out". When Angelica is mad that Grandpa Lou won't order her any dessert from a home delivery deli (aside from baked apples, which she hates) she calls the place when Grandpa Lou is asleep to order some dessert. When the delivery person tells her that she's too young, she uses Stu's new voice-changing gadget that makes her sound exactly like her mother. She then orders every single dessert they have for delivery, including flan. When the delivery boy shows up, she grabs a picture of Didi, and speaks to the delivery boy through the mail slot.
Angelica: Just leave the bags by the door and go away.
Delivery Boy: Uh... what?
(we see a picture of Didi peeking through the mail slot in the door)
Angelica: Down here! Just leave the bags by the door.
Delivery Boy: Uh... okay. Thank you for calling Zippy's Snappy Home Delivery.
Angelica: Go away. (closes the slot)
- This Getting Crap Past the Radar paraphrasing in the Autumn special where Lou meets his future second wife:
- Some say it was topped by them actually Getting Crap Past the Radar by having Angelica say "turd" in "The Blizzard".
- Angelica's parents reactions during this random exchange:
Angelica: Mommy, I have a question.
Charlotte: Yes, dear?
Angelica: Where do babies come from?
Drew says we all start out as a tiny little egg, and then that babies come from the stork, and he wraps it up by saying they come from stork eggs.
- When Chuckie thinks he's gonna grow gigantic, Angelica tricks him into thinking he squashed her, and the babies try to convince him he must be mistaken.
Phil: And even if you did...that's okay.
- The "moose" Running Gag in "Party Animals".
- Angelica's supposedly fake Flashback in "No More Cookies". In the first part, it seems like it's going to be a Heartwarming Moment, with Angelica's mom and dad telling her to say "mommy" or "daddy", respectively. Her first word?
- It gets even funnier in a later scene, where we see her taking her first steps. Her parents go crazy trying to save the magical moment for posterity...then they realize that she's just trying to get at a plate of chocolate cookies on the table.
- One of the best scenes is Grandpa naming off past experiences Stu's had with fixing things, all ending in some form of disaster. The best one is obvious.
Grandpa: This one I STILL don't understand! October 3: Change the Refrigerator Lightbulb: 9 stitches and a case of pink eye?
- The Pirate Episode:
Tommy: REAL PIRATES LIKE SAND IN THEIR SHOES!
- The entirety of "Regarding Stuie", where Stu hits his head and thinks he's a baby. (he could have been kidding)
- Tommy & Chuckie's Wild West style showdown with the "Junk Food Kid". She smacks Chuckie across the cheek with a chocolate bar, leaving an imprint ("I've been branded!") Tommy bends over to help him up, and she shoves a popsicle down the back of his diaper.
YOWCH!! It's cold!!
- Chuckie's reaction when Tommy begins planning The Quest of the Week in "Let There Be Light":
Chuckie: (from under his blanket) I'm not goin'! Not this time! This isn't just regular-old scary, Tommy. This is THE DARK! No light at all, not even a night light! No, Tommy. I'm. Stayin'. Right. Here.
(the other three go off, leaving Chuckie sitting silently under the blanket for a minute)
Chuckie: (panicking and running after them, still under the blanket) Wait, wait, you're not gonna leave me! WAIT! I'm coming, too!!
- This exchange when the blackout first happens is also priceless, primarily because of Stu's tone:
Stu: I'm aware of that, Deed.
Phil: Why are you under your blanket?
Chuckie: 'Cause it's dark out there!
Lil: But it's dark under there, too.
- Gee, I never thought of that.
- This Running Gag in "What the Big People Do": "This coffee tastes like mud!" "It is mud."
- The term "paper pusher" is taken literally.
- Tommy gets Reptar On Ice tickets for speeding.
- The ending, when Tommy and Chuckie are back in reality and breathe a sigh of relief:
Angelica: Oh boys... time to play HOUSE!!! WHAHAHAHAHA!! (Tommy and Chuckie scream)
- The Garage Sale episode. After the babies have sold everything inside the house, and when Stu is brooding about it, Didi comes along with a little speech about how they still have each other and losing all their material goods can bring them closer. Stu's response?
Stu: Put a sock in it, Deed.
- I'M NOT TOMMY!
- I'm not Stu!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
- What makes it Hilarious in Hindsight was the implication that the entire episode, including the babies trying to confront their bad dreams, was all Charles' nightmare, not Chuckie's.
- This exchange from "Angelica in Love":
Angelica: I'm playing the most dangerous game of all.
Chuckie: Musical chairs?
Angelica: No, dummy, LOVE!!!
- Chuckie sees his dad buried in the sand, only his head is visible. Chuckie's reaction is priceless.
- In "Piggy's Pizza Palace": Tommy giving commands to the dog suit in Yiddish.
Tommy: (After everybody gives him a puzzled look) My Grandpa Boris always says that to Spike.
- From "Naked Tommy", this exchange between Betty and Didi when they find the babies naked.
Betty: Great Yvonne Goolagon! What's going on here?! Philly, Lilly, you're nudists!
Didi: Betty! I'm surprised at you, they're just babies, Lipschitz says...
Betty: Don't start with that hippie Lipschitz, Deed! I don't know what kind of baby colony you're trying to run here, but it's time to face facts! The 60s are over and we lost, so just get with the program, alright?
- The end of the episode where Tommy is afraid he's turning into a monster. Betty's brother stops by and says "Big sisters are monsters". Tommy then says to Phil "Isn't Lil a teeny bit older than you". Lil turns around with candy canes for fangs and Phil runs away in terror.
- The end of the episode where Angelica tries to convince Phil and Lil that either of them is the unfavourite. She walks in on Charlotte and Betty talking about sweaters.
Charlotte: My favorite's always going to be Angora.
Angelica: (terrified) Who's Angora!?
- The "Vacation" episode where they go to Las Vegas and Angelica gets up on "stage" in the snack bar and starts singing her own song "Angelica the Beautiful". Then when the mothers leave the Circus Giganticus hotel and see Angelica performing hew own rendition of "Vacation" on the big TV outside. Their reactions are priceless. This scene also counts as a CMOA.
- This Getting Crap Past the Radar moment from "Mommy's Little Assets."
Charlotte: (on the phone to Jonathan) What? Not you, Jonathan; you know I would never call one of my employees "sweetie." At least not since the Clarence Thomas hearings.
- Which was part of Angelica setting off one hell of a car alarm in the parking garage with a voice saying "Stand back! You are too close to the vehicle!" to which Angelica responds, "Hey Mommy, neat! A talking car!" Then when the main (and loud) alarm starts up, all Angelica can say is "Cool!"
- While we're on Charlotte/Jonathan, there's this bit:
Charlotte: (to the kids) Say bye-bye to mommy!
Jonathan: (talking to Charlotte on the phone) Bye-bye, mommy!
Charlotte: Not you.
- The entirety of "The Word Of The Day." "[Miss Carol] think's we're all little-!"
- The sheer unbridled enthusiasm Angelica has for saying exactly "what Miss Carol thinks of her kids (whatever it is) while having no idea why it's making all the grownups upset. Hell, the funniest part is just how relatable it is: what kid wouldn't have done what she did in those circumstances?
- To say nothing of the payoff when Angelica actually says the word on the children's TV show she was trying out for. Miss Carol, who already clearly hates her job and is starting to crack while doing these auditions, tries to throw her out, as Angelica, who has yet to have a single adult believe her, insists that that is in fact what she said. Finally at the end of her rope, a manic Miss Carol turns to the camera and...
Miss Carol: "You are all little-!
(cut to color bars and two people in the control room exchanging shocked expressions)
Angelica: (ecstatic) See?! See?! She did say it!
- From "Baseball" when Didi sees Tommy on the TV and does her big slow-motion faint on the floor.
- When Stu sleepwalks and imagines he's a TV magician. Didi finds him on the living room floor and...
Stu, are you alright?
Stu: (half asleep) Sure, Ramona.
Didi:' Ramona! Who's Ramona!?
- Or when he thinks he's hosting a cooking show, and starts absentmindedly throwing eggs around the kitchen. Then when Tommy and Chuckie stumble in on him...
- Jack, the (presumably) mafioso restauranteur, telling Angelica she has spunk.
- The restaurant owner calling her "Angie" instead of by her real name is kind of funny.
- And how did they come to meet Jack? Angelica went looking for him when her mother's car broke down and she lamented that they'd "need the jack" to fix it.
- The "Dummy Bears" theme song as an accordion ballad. You Cant Unhear It.
- Jack turning to complete gleeful mush when Angelica mentions the Dummy Bears show they're on their way to. Admit it: you laughed... and then you cried.
- At the end of "Angelica the Magnificent," Tommy picks up Angelica's supposedly magic wand. He points it at the shed the dads spent all episode putting together and utters a "magic" wordnote . The shed promptly collapses (though due to shaky workmanship), but the look on Tommy's face and the way he slowly lowers his arms are priceless.
- In "Kid TV", Phil and Lil make fun of a soap opera. Angelica, not realizing what a soap opera is (she assumes that it's like a regular opera), comes on wearing a Viking outfit and singing about how if it's an opera, they have to sing.
- Special mention goes to the climax, as Chuckie tries doing a news broadcast over the chaos of the rest of the kids chasing each other around.
- Blocky and Oxwinkle. They even got June Foray!
- Chuckie's attempt at telling the most un-scary "scary story" he can think of so he won't scare himself:
Chuckie: So, um...the boy opened the door, and...he finded the most beautifulest room with lots of flowers and big fluffy pillows and bowls filled to the top with yummy candy! So the haunted house wasn't haunted after all, and the scaredy boy wasn't scared no more. The End!
Angelica: What?! You can't end it like that! That wasn't even scary! A scary story doesn't got flowers and pillows and candy! Now tell it right! Or I'll start telling the story again!
Chuckie: So, then, um...the boy, uh, opened the door...and the room was kinda dark. And there was pillows, but they was hard and lumpy. And the candy was yucky.
Angelica: (perplexed) That's, err...a little better. Er... Works good enough for me.
- In the movie Dil dirties his diaper and Tommy goes "It looks like we'll have to change his diaper" and Phil goes "What do you mean we?"
- In The Movie when they sang "A Gift From Bob"
- In "Stu-Maker's Elves", Chuckie bounces up and down on a mattress and has fun but then bounces so much that the mattress closes leaving his head sticking out. That visual and his scream of "TOMMY!!!!" are priceless.
- "Rebel Without A Teddy Bear": Tommy's failed attempt at being bad.
- "Reptar On Ice". Period.
"Hey! Look! It's some kids! On the ice!"
- This exchange when Chuckie and Angelica are handcuffed together and they can't find the key:
Angelica: It's probably back at the handcuff factory! Some bozo probably forgot to put it in the package!
- From "Family Feud," Stu puts Howard in his place:
Howard: Betty a thief?! That's an absurd proposition!
- "...And my personal favorite: Lonely Space Vixens. "That's for after you go to bed."
- Chuckie throwing the snail Tommy gave him to replace Melville had me laughing my ass off.
Chuckie: I don't want a new bug! And besides, that's not even a bug! It's a snail! GAH! *throws the snail out of the screen*
Phil: ...told ya.
- Grandpa's bedtime story in "Grandpa's Date":
"Once upon a time there was a very lonely bunny who needed to find some friends and he found some friends and everyone was happy. The End!"
- In "At the Movies", the parents take the kids to see The Dummi Bears Movie. Grandpa makes his thoughts on it quite clear:
Grandpa: LAND WITHOUT BRAINS IS MORE LIKE IT!!
- After Angelica has told the babies that babies come from eggs, Tommy wishes his parents would get one so he could have a little brother.
Chuckie: Too bad we're babies, otherwise we could just go get a stork's egg ourselves. (pause as everyone does nothing but look at him, until he sighs in resignation) I'll get the screwdriver.
- Don't forget this piece of dialogue from Mega Diaper Babies:
Changeling: You'll never get away with this, Angelicatron!
Angelica: (as Angelitron) Aw shut up, you dumb doll.
- Three words: Dotted Line Girl.
- The way Grandpa says "fifteen" in almost every episode he's been in. His When I Was Your Age... spiels for that matter too.
- In Reptar on Ice
Lou: In my day dinosaurs didn't skate around with a bunch of ninnys in tights!
Stu: In his day the dinosaurs were REAL.
- Didi of all people gets in a good one in "Mirrorland".
Lou: In my day, we had no time for antiques.
Didi: But pop, I thought back in your day there were no antiques.
- Angelica, a three year old, says this:
Angelica: This is ridiculous! I'm practically a grown-up, and I'm stuck wasting my time with you stupid babies!
- Whenever the babies mispronounce words or unknowingly substitute them with different words. Examples:
- "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Bob?"
- "Angelica! You're the one with rhinoplasty!"
- "The jury?" "Not the jury, the JERKY!"
- "Hey, Tommy, these cradles don't taste like clay!"
- "I guess the persecutor's the poopetrator this time."
- When Angelica thinks she's invisible in "The Baby Vanishes" due to the adults ignoring her as to not reinforce her behavior. The adults barely react as she dumps Spike's food on their heads or spills juice on them. Stu and Drew seem ready to simply scold her only for Didi to stop them. Didi however almost loses this charade when Angelica steals her glasses and runs off.
- In the episode "Stu Gets a Job", Tommy is upset that his dad isn't around to play with him anymore, so he sets up traps around the house trying to prevent him from going to work. Stu thinks the traps are childish pranks set by Drew and tries some pranks of his own.
Stu: (speaking into the phone and holding his nose to badly imitate his brother's voice) Yes, hello. I'd like to order 50 large pepperoni and mushroom pizzas. My name? Drew Pickles. (Hangs up and walks off chuckling, while Lou shakes his head.)
- Later, when Stu finds all his clothes missing from his closet except his disco suit, he's forced to wear it to work. Lou looks up from reading the newspaper as Stu enters the kitchen in his Disco suit.
Lou: (chuckling) Mornin', son. Lookin' sharp.
Stu: (flatly) Thanks, Pop...
- Still later:
Stu:(again speaking into the phone and holding his nose over his nostrils to badly imitate his brother's voice) Hello, I'd like to report a car parked illegally on private property at 53 Briarcliff Place. The license plate reads 'DREW'.
- Stu is coming home grumpy from work because his new job frankly sucks, and with him thinking that Drew is constantly pranking him, he is none too happy when he sees him in his house, and is now resorting to arguing over the littlest things, which leads to this humorous little exchange.
Stu: What are you doing here?!
Drew: Oh, just picking up a cook book. Thought I'd try a new Chinese recipe.
Stu: Cook book, ha! Maybe you oughta think about returning the last book you borrowed from me!
Drew: Gee, I hope you're not talking about that coloring book, Stu.
Stu: You ate the cover!
Drew: I was five!
- And then, the final confrontation of both brothers.
Didi: (hears the doorbell and goes to answer the door) Drew!
Drew: (fuming) Where's Stu?! (enters the kitchen with Didi to find Stu calmly sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee) Stu, let's talk.
Stu: (calmly gestures to an empty chair) Fine by me.
Drew: (takes a seat) I couldn't get to the office yesterday because someone had my car towed!
Stu: And I suppose I wore my disco suit to work today just for kicks, huh?!
Drew: I don't know what you're talking about. But I bet you know something about the 50 pizzas I got the other day!
- In "The Mysterious Mr. Friend," as Stu is rapidly producing Mr. Friend dolls in the basement.
: Stu Pickles isn't selling out to any greedy toy company monolith! (to himself) Not yet, anyway.
- In "The Stork", Stu and Drew are making a giant omelette in the kitchen while the other adults are in the living room watching football.
Drew: Sure you got enough eggs?
Stu: Yeah. I wanted to be safe so I ordered a gross.
Drew: A gross?! Stu, that's a 144 eggs!
: (lifts the cover to the giant bowl of eggs) Oops...
: Stu, you can't put Greek olives in an omelette!
Stu: Why not?
Drew: THEY HAVE PITS IN THEM!
- In "Let Them Eat Cake", the organist for the wedding ceremony playing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game".
- "...just had this.....WAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHED!!!!!!!"
- This exchange from "Radio Daze":
Chuckie: Um...chucking wood?
- At the beginning of the first episode with Kimi, "Finsterella", Chuckie is in his high chair, and he and the adults have a little fun with him being able to talk. It's even funnier because Chuckie has a big smile on his face the whole time:
Kira: (hands Chuckie a muffin) Would you like something to eat, Chuckie?
Chuckie: No. (takes a bite of the muffin)
Chaz: (hands Chuckie a sippy cup) Are you thirsty, little fella?
Chuckie: No. (takes a sip out of the cup)
Marvin: You ever gonna amount to anything, Chuck?
Chaz: Our Chuckie talks.
- In "Hair", Lou and his army buddy are laughing over their baldness and fat tummies and how they tried to cover it up (only for Dil to basically "unfurl" the ruse) when Tommy walks in wearing his grandpa's toupee. Both Lou and the army buddy are still laughing, while Didi basically has a -__- look on her face.
- In the wedding episode, "Let Them Eat Cake," when Elaine doesn't show up for the ceremony and the event planners can't find her, Stu tells everyone not to worry and figures that Elaine probably just got cold feet—and when Stu claims that Didi disappeared for three days before their own wedding, this earns him a slap from his wife.
- In "Lady Luck", the twins think the shuffleboard pucks are cookies. Phil and Lil try to bite into one...
Lil: I think this cookie is older than we are.
- In "The Odd Couple", when Tommy spends the weekend at Chuckie's house, Chuckie is very particular about how his toys are set up and played with, even showing Tommy how to properly play with his prized 'Bogo Block Village' play set, until...
Chuckie: (upon entering his bedroom) No, Tommy, no!
Tommy: (holding a Bogo Block person) What's wrong, Chuckie?
Chuckie: What's wrong? What's wrong? Look what you did! It's all ruined!
Tommy: What's all ruined, Chuckie?
Chuckie: The Bogo Block Village! (shows a police car parked at a fire department) The police car's at the fire station, (shows a fire truck parked at the airport terminal) the fire truck's at the airport, (shows an airplane on the roof of a building) the airplane's on top of the restaurant! (shows a Bogo Block person on its side halfway out a door and another through a window) People are hanging out of windows, (shows two buildings askew on their foundations) buildings are moved, (Chuckie waves a Bogo Block building in each of his hands) and you've completely taken apart City Hall!
- In one episode, Angelica refers to herself as "Angelica C. Pickles, Esquire."
- The sheer level of Stylistic Suck in the Show Within a Show "Oodles the Talking Poodle" is absolutely hysterical. It's an over-the-top parody of Lassie and Rin Tin Tin, starring a pink poodle named "Oodles", who inexplicably wears a red cape everywhere and has an offscreen actor doing his best to lip-synch with him in every scene.
Look, Billy! It's Oodles! Billy:
Yeah! And it looks like something's wrong! Oodles:
Billy! Talulah! Come quick! Uncle Lyle's locked in the barn again and it's on fire! Billy and Talulah:
OH NO! (beat) Billy:
Wait a minute...we don't have an Uncle Lyle. Talulah:
We don't have a barn either...
- This exchange, after Oodles busts into action and pulls Uncle Lyle out of the barn.
Unh...what happened? Oodles:
You were knocked unconscious by a falling beam after the electric cattle heater shorted out and sparked a fire in the hayloft! I performed an incredible act of bravery by putting out the fire and pulling you to safety! Uncle Lyle: Oh. Thanks. (beat)
Hey, wait a minute! You can't talk...you're a dog!
- In "Mommy's Little Assets", when Jonathan has to take over Charlotte's sales pitch to an elderly couple, he references Dragnet:
- Later in the episode, Drew comes home and asks where Charlotte is. Angelica, not knowing what she's saying, sweetly tells Drew that she's upstairs "washing off the stench of failure".
- When Charlotte scolds Angelica, she asks what she'll do if she says Angelica can't have what she's demanding. Angelica's response is "Ask Daddy?"
- "The Santa Experience":
Angelica: It all started when the first present was given by the Pilgrims a long long time ago. After that, everybody started giving presents. Even the Easter Bunny started giving them until Santa slapped him with a lawsuit.
- The episode "Rhinoceritis" has Angelica claiming that Chuckie will turn into a rhino because he's caught a rare disease. But after Angelica finally admits that she made it all up, Tommy and the twins point that Angelica herself is displaying some of the symptoms she mentioned. The end of the episode has Drew finding her crouched on all fours...
Drew: Angelica, are you eating grass?
Angelica: Careful, Daddy. The rhinoceros is known to charge at random.
- The Epic win and fail of Chuckie building a pyramid upside down in the Passover special.
- In "Angelica's Worst Nightmare", Angelica calls a TV psychiatrist to ask for advice about the impending new baby:
Doctor: All right, what you need to understand is that there are other people in this world. Things don't revolve around you. You need to learn to share and let others take the spotlight once in a while. What do you say to that? Angelica? (TV is thrown in the trash) Angelica?
Angelica: What a quack.
- From "Tricycle Thief", we get this when Susie discovers that her trike has been stolen.
- Pretty much the entire episode "Piece of Cake". The episode begins with Angelica devouring an entire cake even though her mother Charlotte told her not to. Surprisingly, Angelica doesn't get in trouble for it and she continues getting her way, from the babies giving her their cookies to becoming head of a corporation that makes merchandise based on her. It eventually turns out that the whole thing was a daydream and that Angelica didn't even touch the cake. Charlotte then offers her daughter a piece of cake, only for Angelica to run screaming.
- When the parents are saying goodbye to their children in "Pre-School Daze", the kid who thinks he's a superhero tells his dad to be strong, who responds by sobbing and whining that he doesn't want to leave, a hilarious reversal of the usual scenario of a parent dropping off their child at preschool for the first time.
- Didi's Imagine Spot of Tommy being an ungrateful brat at his sixth birthday in "Back to School". Even if it represents Didi's sound concern of not knowing how to be a good mother without Lipschitz' advice, it's just so hilariously out of character to see Tommy be extremely rude to his own mother.
Tommy: This is chocolate-vanilla cake, I wanted vanilla-chocolate cake!
- It also says a lot that Didi's vision of Tommy at age 6 essentially has him acting like Angelica.
- Say what you will about the Tales from the Crib direct-to-video films, but they have their share of funny moments as well.
- "Snow White"
- The Running Gag where Taffy scolds the Evil Queen (portrayed by Angelica) for attempting to use violent methods in dealing with Snow White and the seven dwarf babies on the grounds that it is a family story.
- The remarks the magic mirror makes under his breath when the Evil Queen asks him to tell her who the fairest of them all is.
- "Three Jacks and a Beanstalk"
- Harold states that Geesey's joke about a three-legged canary was so funny he laughed until he wet his pants. Much to his misfortune, he ends up doing just that.
- Jack Sprat (portrayed by Phil) ends up wearing a wig and a dress while hiding inside Angelica the Giant's toy hair salon. After the babies once again escape the giant, Phil is told that he can take off his disguise. Phil's response indicates that he had other reasons to wear a dress.
- Aunt Moo loses an arm wrestle to Tom Thumb, who is depicted as a self-absorbed wrestler. To reiterate, Aunt Moo was beaten at arm wrestling by a tiny professional wrestler!
- "The Sky is Falling": Angelica lets loose a hose (she wanted an indoor pool), which drenches the inside of the house. Stu comes home and screams.
Stu: Come on, Angelica, you helped make this mess, now you're gonna help clean it up.
Angelica: But I don't wanna!
(Stu hands her a mop and she emits a nervous chuckle)
- In the B-plot of "Daddy's Little Helpers", Didi, Kira, Betty, and Charlotte go on a Moon Goddess festival. The festival ends with them all getting shirts that say, "I Am the Goddess (insert name here)". Didi's shirt says, "I Am the Goddess Dodo", causing Didi to snap and give the manager a "The Reason You Suck" Speech. The manager then gives Didi her money back and tells her to keep the shirt.
- In one episode, Chuckie wets the bed and after a misunderstanding from his dad, starts to worry that he's relapsing from his potty training. When the others suggest that he'll end up like Dil, we get this exchange:
) You mean I'm gonna start doing that
in my pants again and...(thoroughly uncomfortable
) telling everyone when I do it!? Phil:
It's okay to keep some