Funny / Jon Tron Season Four

Funny moments from Season 4 of JonTron. For the main index, see here.

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Full Episodes

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""This is Phil Swift with Flex Tape, I'm'ma prostitute""
     Vanilla Ice: Cool as Ice 
  • The very first shot of the episode is a frozen-over Jon, residing in an ice-covered set. Jon goes on to explain how he tried to emulate Vanilla Ice and be "cool", which quickly took a turn for the literal.
    • Jon then tells the story of how he broke into the Hall of Coolness to find a person to emulate. His options are Stevie Wonder ("Pretty cool, but he can't see. I need eyes.), Rocket Racoon ("Too topical. Also, not human."), Cher ("The epitome of being dank, but I just- I don- I just don't really wanna be Cher, to be honest."), and Vanilla Ice. He then goes to kill the "guards" of the museum with a hastily drawn katana.
    • Afterwards he has understandable frustration on the whole thing.
    Jon: Alright, the results okay they haven't been stunning. Frankly, I feel like I might be less cool than before. But you just get to a point where it basically sunk cost, you gotta cut the loss... (Punches the framed picture of Vanilla Ice) Stupid piece of shi- Fuck, not even that fucking cool!
  • "How about we watch the literal, actual Vanilla Ice movie I didn't know existed called "Cool as Ice", because our Divine Creator has a sick, twisted sense of humor and doesn't want us to be happy."
  • Jon's reaction towards the intro of the movie where he starts to like it... Until Vanilla Ice comes along.
    Jon: Oh, now that's cool... I'm jumpin', I'm jivin'... (Vanilla Ice finally appears) And... It's gone... It's gone, It's absolutely gone, it's ruined unsalvageable...
  • Jon's confusion at Ice's brick-like hairstyle.
    Jon: (deep breath) My boy! That shit does not belong on a head, it belongs in a museum!
    (cut to Jon dressed in a suit, demonstrating several such hairstyles in the "Hair Museum of Architecture")
  • Vanilla and his posse stop in the middle of the street and block an intersection... for some reason. Jon wonders how you can even write a scene like that.
    Screenwriter: Exterior. Small Town, America. Day. They ride up to the middle of an intersection. Then, they get off. Then, they stand. Do I- Is there more, or do I get my Oscar now?
  • Jon's reaction to the famous "drop that zero and get with the hero" line.
  • Vanilla's rapping is so bad that Jon's eardrums eventually explode. Also counts as Nightmare Fuel.
  • Jon's recreation of the creepy scene where Ice wakes Kathy up with an ice cube to go out for the day. His version has him smashing the bedroom window, and saying, in a high-pitched Southern accent, "Rise and shine, bitch, we're goin' to Disneyland!" He then tosses an entire bucket of ice cubes over the girl in bed, which completely covers her.
    • Bonus points for her visibly trying not to Corpse under the pile of ice.
  • Ice declares his love for Kathy
    Kathy: Oh, yeah?
    Ice: Oh, yeah.
    Jon: Oh, no.
  • "What's it like, you know having parents and all that stuff. Brother...all that...stuff, y'know."
    Alien!Jon: I am simply asking a normal human question out of curiosity not to mine data HUMAAAAANNNNNN.
  • "Straight up FACT."
    Jon: What are you saying, why are words allowed to escape your face?
  • Kathy's father reveals that his real name was Hackett. More specifically, James Anthony Hackett. Or Jimmy.
    Jon: Jimbo, Jim-Jar, sometimes down at the pub they'd call me Dan, but my name isn't "Dan". I was once visited by an alien species. They referred to me as [cue incomprehensible distortion]. I've never been able to unhear or unsee that.
  • Two mafia goons capture Kathy's brother, Tommy, for ransom money from the two antagonists that are pursuing Hackett. The two men force Tommy to make a ransom tape, detailing that they've told the kid some of his dad's more... sordid secrets.
    Jon!Tommy: When they told me about your secret stash of tentacle hentai, I was mainly just surprised. But I really couldn't see you the same way again after they showed me pictures of you tarring Grandma's ashes to your body and doing a Bolivian Rain Dance.
  • At the end of the video, Jon goes to do what he always does between videos: cryonically freeze himself for 6 to 8 months. He gets in the machine and switches it on... only for it to put him back in the Elsa costume instead.
    Jon: Oh, that's funny. Which one of you numbskulls, which one of you fffFUCKIN' RASCALS PUT ME UP TO THIS ONE?! All right?! You know what I meant! I said make me- y'know, I wanna be frozen, like in the beginning, show the beginning. What am- what am I? [takes off wig and angrily throws it to the ground] You're all a buncha FUCKIN' COMEDIANS, aren't you?! YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN HAVIN' TROUBLE AT HOME! I'M INCONTINENT THESE DAYS, I JUST GOTTA GET THE SHOT DONE AND LEAVE!
    Waterproofing My Life With FLEX TAPE 
  • "FLEX TAPE! Okay, you heard about this stuff! I mean, this is basically, have you heard of JESUS?! WELL EVEN HE COULDN'T DO AS MUCH AS FLEX TAPE APPARENTLY!"
  • After Phil Swift dramatically slaps Flex Tape over a leak, Jon replays the clip, sets it to "Ghost Love Score", and inserts an audio clip of The Tourettes Guy yelling "OH SHIT!"
  • Along with RVs and roofs, Jon suggests using the Flex Tape on an artery during open heart surgery.
  • Phil Swift uses a length of flex tape to lift a 45 pound weight with one hand.
    Phil Swift: Flex Tape is super strong!
    Jon: Flex Tape ain't super strong, Phil, you're super strong!
    Phil Swift: And once it's on, it holds on tight!
    Jon: I got a couple pictures of- of Phil, uh, in my house on the wall. May or may not have Photoshopped his undies off. Might or may or may not have Photoshopped his weiner on. (Corpses) I've done it though, really, it's serious. It's a problem.
  • When Phil Swift is advertising Flex Seal, Jon notices that he created a bowl by using Flex Seal to plug up the holes in a colander.
    Phil Swift: Phil Swift here for Flex Seal, the easy way to stop leaks fast!
    Jon: That's a colander, Phil. It's supposed to have holes and leaks. What you've done is you've essentially made a bowl.
    Phil Swift: The easy way to stop leaks fast!
    Jon: Phil, you make me angry, Phil! (Grabs a pot) Could've just grabbed one of these, Phil! Don't need Flex Seal! Look at its curvature! An easy way to have a bowl without creating one out of a colander!
  • Flex Seal can apparently be used to create rubber handles for your tools by dipping your tools in it, a utility which catches Jon off guard.
    Phil Swift: Even dip all your tools...for a tough no-slip grip!
    Jon: Even dip all your tools!? I can understand the other two, like there's some application, but how do you go from like "You can stop water from going through cracks! Weatherproof some of your outdoor materials! Dip your tools in this shit, I dunno!"
    • Jon then proceeds to dunk an entire power drill in Flex Seal. Then he demonstrates how Flex Seal can be used to cure alcoholism by sealing all of the liquor bottles shut so that nobody can open them.
  • "That's a LOTTA DAA MIDGE"
  • In the last infomercials, Jon thinks Phil has gone completely off the deep end with his demonstrations (especially since this time, Phil is holding a knife and has a chainsaw on hand), and he notes that the vehement "Don't Try This!" warnings (which notably omit the "at home" part) seem to agree.
    Jon: "Seriously, do not tr-never attempt this! Phil has gone too far, he sniffed too much Flex Glue, and now all he can see is Martians!!"
  • Jon begins stabbing a bucket with a knife like Phil Swift, then quickly realizes it's a bad idea.
    Jon: Yeah I bet you wish you were a little nicer to me now, huh? Used to call me Eduardo Squidwardo behind my back, you think I didn't notice, huh!? I'm gonna give you lotsa damage! (Stops stabbing the bucket and turns to the camera) I feel like I could actually- actually kill myself this way by stabbing directly into my heart, so I'm gonna prob- I'm gonna stop, for real.
  • The Stinger of the video has text that reads "THIS IS A CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD, TURN THAT GREEN DAY AND SNOOP DOGG OFF IMMEDIATELY".
  • Jon's constant lampshading of Phil Swift's over-enthusiasm about the Flex products, to the point of almost Crossing the Line Twice territory.
  • "Oh Phil, our Prometheus. What fire of knowledge do you bring to us mortals today?"
  • The Stinger of the video, where Jon has apparently become one with the Flex Tape is as hilarious as it is disturbing.
    THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO PLAY GOD! *Echoing scream*
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