His "Reviews?", done in a slurred monotone that is rarely ever broken, talking about things very barely related to the actual game, eventually giving it an ambiguous rating that could may or may not be translated as "buy this game".
After announcing his panel at Magfest, Jon presents a video of himself playing the harmonica. The best part is that - although he's obviously half-assing his way through - the song turns out to be rather good; even Jon himself is impressed!
And its sequel is glorious, with the most beautiful Take That to Square Enix imaginable.
Jon: To unlock the ending of this JonTron, go to youtube.com/DLC and give us all your money! Did you like this game? Or that one? How aboutthese? Wuzzat? Wh-Wuzzat? You ju- you just want a game that doesn't have six meterosexual Jonas brothers in it? Well FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU! This is what you get, fuck you! Square Enix: Because fuck you guys!
Gaming in Public Episode 1
From Gaming In Public Episode 1:
Claudio: Oi gente tudo bem?
Caption: Oye gents you're all from Maine!
His reaction to the Bafomdad from the Starfox Adventures game. Just watch.
Towards the start of the video Jacques suddenly kills himself by self-destructing, spraying Jon with blood, leading him to cry out dramatically "Oh no... oh no, Oh no, he's DEAD!" About two minutes later Jacques (suddenly alive again) comments on the speciesism in the game and Jon reacts nonchalantly thus.
"What's this blue pants? What's this blue pants? ...What's this blue pants? I can't get it. I can get the gold pants, but I can't get the blue pants, and don't even get me started on the purple pants. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANYTHING IN THIS GAME IS."
This, made in response to the game's Dreadnaught Mooks:
Jon: More like Dread-not! (while the head of an ostrich flies around the screen) EEEEEHEHEHHEH!
Special mention to reactions to some of the strange enemies in the game.
Jon: I'm ready for anything.
[Dramatic closeup of an mashup mook]
Jon: WAIT, I LIED! I was NOT ready for anything! Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope SO MUCH NOPE. [Accompanied by splatters of that string of "Nopes" that fill the screen]
His reactions to the "boss" that's already dead and the pumpkin boss that did not want Jon to hurt him.
Jon: (reading) Sorry I'm dead. (normal) Okay y'know I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to disturb you. *Beat* ...wait, What? REAALLY? Really? I just...yeah great, grab the freaking question mark and keep moving. It's like war time no time to question this shit.
Jon: (reading) Please don't pick on me. (normal) Yeah well no. I wasn't planning on it. *boss attacks* Holy shit! *Jon throws the controller through the air* A-are you being serious with me right now? This guy's gonna go around opening with lines like "please don't pick on me" and then immediately jump all over you like Bruce Willis in the midst of a bathroom emergency?
Hilariously enough he brings up the pumpkin boss again with regards to the dancing zombies
Jon: Captain Pumpkin Head says "please don't pick on me" then immediately sucker punches the shit out of you, but no dancing zombies mean business when they say things.
After trying his best to tolerate the difficulty of this game, finally Rage Quitting when he dies to the final boss, causing him to pull up a video on YouTube where the boss was beaten and claiming he did that.
Jon: No one can say I'm not good at finishing games.
Jacques: Jon, you couldn't finish a cheese danish.
And then there's also his reaction to the upright walking pants.
Jon: Wait wh—is—Issa—Issat pants? Is that motherfucking starched pants walking around like J. Edgar Hoover on a Tuesday afternoon? No no I-I changed my mind. I can't! I can't! This game is going to be the end of me! *cue Paradise By the Dashboard Light*
His reaction to the empty room while trying to find the key.
Jon: Well, I can tell you one thing. It's certainly not here. GOOD. No no good no. I'm glad. I'm glad they put it in the game. NO. I'm-I'm glad. No! I mean it's not like—*cuts to the next scene*
Jon commenting on the bizarreness of the characters' running animations, noting that they wouldn't seem out of place in SpongeBob SquarePants:
Jon:(giggles) Just look at...just look at how strange the walk cycle is. They look like they belong more in a SpongeBob cartoon.
(A clip of one of the walk cycles from the SpongeBob SquarePants episode The Sponge Who Could Fly appears on the screen; it is then displayed side-to-side with the game's walking animation for comparison.)
JonTron made a video called "Apples and Grapes" - it doesn't make much sense at all if you're a new fan, but it's still got a few funny moments. Jon plays MySims and finds himself very disappointed by it (nearly going insane, repeating the question "What do you do?" in disbelief). Jon subsequently walks all the way from California to Texas to speak to PeanutButterGamer, resulting in some of the most Surreal Humor that Normal Boots has ever produced.
Jon:[sobbing] I just couldn't bear it any more, PBG, I played MySims. I played MySims, PBG, I had to tell you...I came from California to Texas to tell you I know how you feel. [incoherently] Iss'a worst game I've ever played. [sobs][incoherent shouting]
PeanutButterGamer: You came here from California? [camera zooms in uncomfortably close] Like, to Texas from California? I mean, it's freaking cold out, do you need anything?
PeanutButterGamer:[holding punnets full of apples and grapes] Dude, you lucked out! [Beat]
[the two begin dancing to bass-heavy electronic music]
Malkovich's Gaming Game Show
Pretty much the entirety of "Malkovich's Gaming Game Show." Jontron as a Cloud Cuckoo Lander John Malkovich plus Egoraptor in a dress as his "sometimes beautiful" assistant Vitalia is funny enough on its own, but the way it is acted out is just perfect.
Malkovich: Contestant number you're dead first. Tell me, has the milk gone bad?
The intro to the Monster Bash review consists of a disclaimer that Jon failed to keep up with his Halloween deadline... to the tune of the The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air rap.
When discussing the various types of games that came out in the MS-DOS era, Jon shows some clips from obscure game Demon Blue when he adds "weird fuckin' games" to the list. Rather than elaborate, he allows the weirdness of the game to speak for itself.
When Jon claims that the sound of giggling, falling skulls (in the game) is music to his ears, the sound is featured with a clip from an ad for Mattress Ranch. Something about the surreal nature of this combination and the jump-cut zoom on the man's face towards the end makes this moment hilarious.
His explanation of the disappointment of Nuts and Bolts.
Jon: I mean, what if after Super Mario World Nintendo came out with a teaser trailer for Super Mario 64, but upon release day, you were greeted with MARIO CITY SIMULATOR?! AND THEN YOU TURNED ON THE GAME AND SHIGERU MIYAMOTO'S GHOST COMES OUT AND IS LIKE "UHHH FUCKIN' WHO LIKES THE OLD MARIO GAMES AMIRITE? BRB, MAKING LEGEND OF ZELDA MODERN WARFARE!!!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, I've plucked a whale from the ocean, and he sounds like a seal!" *whale makes seal noises* *cut to Jon smiling and nodding*
Jon: What a beautiful day; wouldn't you say, Rockington?
[Cut to the ground, with nothing in the shot]
Jon: Oh, yeah. I l- I lost Rockington. I lo- I LOST A ROCK!
Jon trying to finish the game early by running over Gruntilda with his car.
Jon: Maybe I can end the game early by killing Gruntilda while she's in the open! Get 'er! Get 'er! Kick 'er eees! HAHAHAHAH-Seriously. This ain't funny anymore. This is now called DramTron.
The way Jon brings Jacques back to life. You'd expect there to be some kind of convoluted way to do it, as this is one of the more plot-driven Video Review Shows (in the Atop the Fourth Wall sense). But then, instead, you get:
While the entire review of Birdemic is a crowning moment of funny, it's Jon's reaction to the birds finally showing up that seals the deal. Just the way his voice crackles as he reacts to the scene is utterly hysterical.
"They put FALLING DAMAGE in their motherfucking 2D platform game?" (Cut to a newspaper with the headline "JonTron Quits".)
"Did I say that I felt bad? Let me rephrase that: I feel bad for me."
The beginning had this gem:
Jon: [Upon realizing that he's back in his room and Jacques is ticked off] Whoa, whoa, oh no! I-I was reviewing the game the whole time, look! [Laughs nervously while putting the cover of 3D Dot Game Heroes in his SNES, Jacques just looks with flaming eyes and a red-tinted background] Jon, that doesn't go in there, you silly bitch! [Laughs nervously again]
"Yeah, Play for Points! Gotta get that high score and post it to SNES-Live, yo."
Jon trying to figure out how to load up Dino City, starting his infamous Running Gag. He tries the PS3, then the PS2, then tries to load it into a PC tray, then into the DS, then on top of his wireless router, then into the dishwasher, then into the dishwasher, then into the... dishwasher... again, and then finally realises the correct console: The SMBS.
Jon: Now, if I just remembered how to play this thing... [tries to load it into PS3] Oh, no, no, not on the PS3... Silly to think it'd be on the 2... [puts into PC tray] I'll just put it in the PC tray, see what happens... [game falls out] Well that's unfortunate. [opens DS and rams it with the cartridge] Alright, well, the DS can, uh, usually play the games, so... [places game on wireless router] Ohhh, it's a done deal, it's the wireless router! It's... This has not worked... [drops in dishwasher] Dishwasher? No... [drops in dishwasher again] Dishwasher? No... [throws in dishwasher a third time] ...Dishwasher? Yeah, that's what I— [shakes camera at SNES] Oh my God, how could I have been so stupid?! The SMBS! [places game in... upside-down]
Jon's response to being fooled during his Nightshade video:
Jon: Fool me once - I'm mad. Fool me twice - How could you? Fool me three times - You're officially that guy, okay? You know him, you know the one. You go to the bar and he's like, "This suit is, uh, officially it's a Giorgio Armani, actually my dad knows him!" FUCK YOU!I AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIN'T HAVIN' THAT SHIT! *cracks a small grin*
Jon's bizarre methods of putting cartridges into their respective consoles reaches its nadir when he just throws the cartridge at his NES. And misses.
JonTron's priceless reaction to finding his popularity increased after killing a random policeman.
Jon's initial reaction to the Space Maze level in his Space Ace review: he yells "JESUS, WE'RE GOING IN HARD, STRAP IN," puts on a Daft Punk helmet (which makes a squeaky toy noise), and starts firing a toy laser while holding an Atari joystick as an alert sounds and screaming incoherently.
It's even funnier when it turns out that this is the part of the game that he enjoys the most, in spite of the Internet Backdraft against the mini-game.
Jon Tron State of Affairs
JonTron State of Affairs, aside from being a reassurance that he hasn't stopped unannounced, also contains some funny moments, both scripted and non.
Jacques attempts to bite Jon's lip repeatedly. Once he gets tired of it, he moves him to his hand. Where he then poops. Jon moves him to the computer monitor, citing that he can't cause much trouble there. Jacques proceeds to flutter off of it and behind the computer. Jon just gives up and doesn't have him in the rest of the video.
At one point Jon is interrupted by Jacques plummeting from the monitor, next shot is of Jon's back to the camera as he says in a pseudo-baby voice, "Did ya fall down over hurr?"
"You know, I'm the little guy! I'm the Mom-and-Pop shop, that's who you're yelling at! You're going to Mama Roroso's at the corner bakery and saying 'Fuck you! Not as much pepperoni on this pizza as the other place, Pizza Hut!'"
At the start of Hercules Games, Jon is talking about Hercules. It then cuts to him playing a Disney Tarzan game.
Jon: I'm playing a game based on my favorite Greek legend, Heracles!"
[Cut to Disney's Tarzan start screen on the television, an instrumental of Two Worlds playing in the background]
Jacques: I'm glad to see nothing has changed around here.
Jon: (Singing the Tarzan theme) Two worlds, one family...
Jacques: Fuck this shit.
Jon: (Heavily slurred) SON O' MAN LOOK TOOOO THE SKY *Jacques explodes*
Also, Jacques delivering a laser-guided Take That to Jon.
Jon: I don't wanna stop playing games, or doin' the things I love to do with you, or even making this show!
Jon: I want to become immortal, too, Jacques, just like Hercules: by playing the twelve games of Herc- wait, what'd you fuckin' just say to me? [Stares]
His introduction to the first game.
Jon: So to make an example of my point, I'm gonna play a Hercules game on the Commodore 64. 'S called Hercules. What a name. Guess they didn't have to worry about names back then, it was the '80s, all they had to worry about was RONALD REAGAN TALKIN' 'BOUT GORBECHEV!"
His reaction to the shuffling skeleton enemy in one of the games.
Jon finds out Herc can eat gyros to get stronger. He goes into an epic opera-ballad about going to buy a gyro from a local Greek food stall. It then cuts to this.
Jon: Ugh...my stomach...
Offscreen: Dude, are you all right?
Jon: Dude, SHUT UUUUUUP.
Jon explaining why he doesn't want to play Herc's Adventures as Atlanta or Jason.
Jon: One's a...city in Georgia, THE OTHER'S A REGULAR NAME!
Jon's analysis of people saying they only talk to sailors:
Jon: Well if that's the case, then you're probably gonna be pretty much limiting yourself to port towns honestly, and even then they're out to sea most of the time. Why aren't you on a boat? A boat would really be a better fit for you, also what the fuck, who says that?
Jon: Okay, first of all, what kind of occupation is stroller? What kind of town is this? How did anyone learn speech if everyone only talks to sailors and thereAIN'T NO SAILORS 'ROUND TOWN?
Jon's introduction of the Goosebumps book series, listing off some of the more notable stories, such as...
Jon:The Haunted School...The Headless Ghost! Y'CAN'T SKYEH ME! DEGHEUGHEUCLAKEVDOOM! Why I'm Afraid of Bees—well, that's obvious, innit? PIANA LESSONS CAN BE MOIDAH. The Beast...From the East...? Like, are we talkin', like, Asia, or Philadelphia?
Jon: I feel like they gave this guy specific lines, but he just said "Fuck it." and did whatever he wanted and they were like "(mumbling) Lunch break, (mumbling) I don't care, just leave it."
It's even funnier if you know the hockey coach is played by Don Cherry, a real life hockey commentator in Canada known for being controversial and being difficult to censor. So Jon's theory probably isn't that far off.
Jon's growing confusion over the different alternate realities Matt jumps into.
"Jon, can you feel it? Magic is in the air. I'm going back in." *unintelligble noises*
Goosebumps, Part 2
Once again, Jon is able to watch the Goosebumps episodes by shoving them into various video game consoles; he watches My Hairy Adventure by inserting it into his Super Nintendo, and Ghost Beach by shoving it into his Dreamcast.
Jon doesn't like Larry.
Jon: (cheerfully) Oh, Larry. You jus- a- st- you're a fucking asshole.
Jon noticing how excited Larry is about the Instant Tan Lotion.
Jon as Larry: (creepy voice) MM. YEAH. 'S MINE.
The video opens with Jon having David Tennant over for Jesus' birthdaynote There's a reason it's spoilered.... and then killing Matt Smith over what he did to David in "The End of Time".note There's also the fact that they're all cardboard cutouts.
"I also have a Kim-Jong Il one; I didn't use him for the video. (draws a Hitler moustache on it)"
He also punches him in the face.
Trying to get David to say "Allons-y!"... by smacking his crotch.
His decision to sing "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" as he begins cutting up Matt's body in the shower.
Following this, Jon's insistence that "Home Alone 5: Holiday Heist" is a masterpiece. Because it has one of the best instances of the face.
Jon's reaction to when the robbers start going exclusively after Kevin.
Jon: OH JESUS HE'S IN MY HOUSE! Okay, so that's terrifying. In the movies, the villains are in it for the valuables, but here they seem to be only interested in Kevin. Where's Chris Hanson and that suspiciously benign plate of cookies when you need'em?
After Kevin gets caught, the Game Over screen is merely a cloud that says "Oh no!"
Jon: Ah, yeah. That's just- that's just about right! That's appropriate, a boy is captured and will likely be found dead in the coming weeks, and all you got is "Oh no." That's good, it's a good message.
(A newspaper appears with horrifying music, headline reading BOY FOUND IN SHALLOW GRAVE while the picture is the "Oh no!")
"I dunno, waddya put on goiter? SAAAAAAAAALVE!? (Beat) (begins rubbing arm) SAAAAAAAAAA-
Jon's sudden excitement at being able to powerslide in-game, and getting caught up trying to name powerslide scenes.
"Do you realize that for this to happen, someone had to sit down, look at Pokémon and say, 'Y'know, this is great, but it needs more little girls. I'm gonna go downstairs in my basement now, next to my little girl dungeon, and program this game.' Welcome to planet Earth, ladies and gentlemen."
During the review of Pokémon Diamond* Not the Pokémon Diamond you are thinking of and Jade, Jon notices an...interesting formation in the trees in one part of the game. He suspects that it might be the guy who made Moemon.
Jon: Y'know I'd make a comment here, but I'm genuinely worried that he might actually have a disability - and then who looks like the bad guy, I mean, this guy, still a little bit, because he's the bad guy in the movie, but mostly me! Mostly Jon!
The brand-icon characters in the movie somehow travel to the "real world" - where humans are apparently hideously ugly.
Jon: Oh! Oh God! OH GOD! Real world's horrible, go back to the supermarket world!
[Daredevil Dan immediately ends up face to face with an equally hideous Brand X mascot]
Jon: I made a huge mistake, supermarket world's just as bad -
Conan the Barbarian
Starting off the video reenacting the famous scene from the movie.
Jontron! What is best in life?
Jontron: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
Wow, I was gonna say a day at the beach, but what did you say? Something about maiming? Jesus Christ!
After summing up Conan's backstory, Jon enthusiastically blurts out this while he is not even facing the camera:
Jon: That's fuckin' metal as fuck, dude!
Jon's reaction to the one long note on the Conan: Hall of Volta title screen.
Conan: Hall of Volta, "presented by a bunch of white guys named Eric".
Seeing that one of the characters in Hall of Volta is an "Avian Ally," Jon tries to call Jacques over, but then remembers he left him upstairs. It then cuts to Paul Ritchie coming into Jon's house with life saving medicine, and getting killed by lasers fired by Jacques.
His reactions to some of the unhelpful Game Over messages.
Your struggles are in vain.
(The screen zooms in on the message and starts turning red.)
During his review of the MS-DOS game, his over-the-top reaction to an attractive woman leaning out a window with her cleavage showing.
His increasingly enraged rant about the NES game's ridiculously cryptic gameplay, which he finishes by uttering Chevy Chase's immortal line:
"HALLELUJAH! HOLY SHIT!!"
Before that is his rant about the controls.
Jon: But you better make sure that you hit A and then down a bit after that, because if you just hit down you'll jump to a fiery death because DID I MENTION THAT DOWN ALSO FUCKING LONG JUMPS?! *furious* WHO DID IT? WHY'D THEY DO IT? ARE THEY- ARE THEY STILL ALIVE? Can I go kill them? Let's go do that right now.
What Jon surmised after the famous Takeshi Kitano tried his hand at video game design.
Jon: After that, the sea floor split open and swallowed the Caribbean. Earthquakes ravaged the west coast of America and goblins were still really, really scary! (cut to Jon) Ew, I don't like 'em! I don't like goblins! ...Waaaaugh!
Jon: Now, at this point most people would do this: —cut to him dropping the Takeshis Challenge cartridge into the trash, and then dropping a lighter into the trash, setting it aflame Jon: *wielding a Crucifix* OUTTA THIS HOUSE! OUTTA THIS HOUSE! Jon: *now burning incense* Spirits begone from this house!
His reaction to the game's ending: Writing a letter to Takeshi Kitano asking him why he made Takeshi's Challenge, even saying he's going to mail the letter when he's finished recording, in the letter. In Japanese.
"*unintelligible* Bad game! Two outta ten!" (flashing GameSpot logo accompanied by heavy metal)
Jon reads a text bubble that says "Let's drop in on a grommet." His over-the-top response is hilarious.
Jon: Oh! "Grommet"! I used to say it all the time back in Cali! You couldn't STAP me sayin' dis word! "Grommet" dis! "Grommet" dat! Da FUCKDOES GROMMET MEA-
This joke comes back when Jon sees some graffiti in the skateboarding part of the game.
Jon: "Vertical Hunger." Yes, absolutely. Because Horizontal Hunger IS FOR GROMMETS!
Jon's reaction to one of the graffiti phrases in the game.
Jon: Oh, and all our favourite Cali phrases are here too, such as "The Most Smooth", "Raaad" and "Sw-" ohhh... "S-"... "Swood"? DEY JUST COULDN'T STAP ME! I'M GOIN' ALL UP ON DA ROOFTOPS, SWOOD DIS! SWOOD DAT! [leans back] Just...fuck it, y'know? I don't give a shit, it's a fuckin' show... [pulls down part of the lighting] What's the...fuckin' light.
Jon decides he doesn't need these depressing-ass games, and goes to have fun by himself outside... what follows isn't something that can be put into words, but it's most definitely a jewel of Cringe Comedy.
What can be said is this: Jon's gleeful laughter doubles as both a Crowning Moment of Funny and a Most Wonderful Sound.
His reactions to how dark and graphic the death scenes are.
The fact there even are death scenes in a game like this. Especially the skateboard one. In Jon's words:
*Shocked laughter* ...I died! For real, funeral and all!
When Jon wipes out, we are treated to a scene of the surfboard washing up on shore, with music implying that the surfer died. Now, this isn't funny (and neither is Jon going to the bathroom and looking at himself in the mirror in shock)... but what is is that apparently, if you wait long enough, the upbeat level music starts back up again. Cue Jon Corpsing.
Jon: I don't even have to listen to you, do I? You're just gonna keep doing that, alright, I'm going the other way [turns around, walks away from building] Fuck this, I'm not doing the war, fuck you! Yeah, step four, didn't change, don't go to war! I'm serious! Get outta here, this is not- this is- [reaches invisible wall] oh nooo...! [beat] Step 5: You gotta go to war.
Jon briefly goes over a computer game based off the Titanic which Jon describes as having that "old, quirky, 90s' PC game vibe", complete with cutscenes that involve cutouts of live-action people animated in a surreal manner. During these cutscenes, Jon is actually seen in one of them, digitally edited in unexpectedly well.
Man on ship: It is good to see you up and about; you've been in your cabin the whole voyage.
Jon: I bought the ticket, I'll do what I want!
The title, Titenic, isn't a typo. The second game he plays is deliberately named "Titenic" to avoid copyright, even though they directly stole the likenesses of the film's two leads.
Now, how would you expect Jon to play these two games in this episode? If you said by putting them in his Famicom and then dropping the Famicom into his fishtank, then you're clearly aware of Jon's shenanigans by now.
Jon's reaction to the very existence of the first game is somewhat hypnotic.
Jon: Titanic came out in 1997, I mean the N64 and the PS1 were already out, who was this meant to be marketed to, really? Moms? Kids. Anyone. ICEBERG FANS. Anyone at all?! *Turns to face someone off-camera* Would you buy that?! None a'yall would'a buy that, you're not fuckin' stupid!