(For full effect, read in the voice of Frank Oz)
Yoda my name is. A Jedi Master I am, for my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. For hundreds of years I have trained Jedi to master the Force. For knowledge and defense only, never for attack, as protectors and ambassadors of the Galactic Republic we are.
Some of my Jedi students fell to the Dark Side of the Force — quicker, easier, more seductive... Anger, fear, aggression... Easily these feelings flow, consume these students they did. Protect the galaxy from the return of the Sith I could not, blinded by their clever scheming I have been.
May the Force be with these tropes:
- Ascended to a Higher Plane of Existence: In death, this I have achieved.
- Attack Reflector: Deflect Force Lightning I can.
- Badass Adorable: Cute I have been called. Stop me from defeating Count Dooku and fighting on even terms with Palpatine, it does not.
- Berserk Button: "Baby snatchers" Jedi are not! Important that Jedi training start in childhood it is!
- Catchphrase: "Hmm", I say very often.
- Combat Parkour: My fighting style. Ataru it is called. Necessary it is for me to fight larger opponents.
- The Fundamentalist: Jedi should be trained from childhood, I strongly believe.
- Lack of Empathy: Exactly the right phrase, this is not. Dismissive of other's concerns and emotions, people say I am. Because I feel a Jedi must temper their emotions to avoid the dark side, I do this. Very old, I am, and dwell on those I have lost, I cannot.
- Little Green Men: A literal little green man am I.
- Martial Pacifist: Only when it is necessary do I fight. Peaceful solutions do I prefer.
- Memetic Mutation: Depicted as Ketamine-addicted murderous sociopath in parodic ASMR videos, I am. True, these memes are clearly not.
- Mysterious Past: Detail my past, I will not.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: When an emotional crisis, someone is suffering, only make things worse, platitudes will. Learn this the hard way, I did.
- Obfuscating Dementia: Pretend I did that gone my mind was, when to test young Skywalker's patience I needed. Even that Yoda I was, from him I concealed at first.
- Old Master: For about eight hundred years Jedi I have trained.
- Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not. For my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Besides, typical for my people, this stature is.
- A Pupil of Mine Until He Turned to Evil: Count Dooku I trained, until turned to the Dark Side he did.
- Really 700 Years Old: Over 900, I am. Long-lived, my species is. 50 years old, an infant is.
- Strange-Syntax Speaker: Famous examples of Object-Subject-Verb word order my lines have become.
- On your world, written/Five retro-style plays are where/Speak haiku, I do.