We'll Never Have Paris
Richmond goes on a four-game win streak following their adoption of Total Football, but Ted isn't happy: Michelle and Jake are dropping off Henry so they can go on a couples' trip to Paris, which Ted is convinced means they're getting engaged. Ted expresses this theory to the Diamond Dogs, who tell him that he's jumping to conclusions, but Ted nevertheless asks Rebecca to hire a private investigator to follow Jake and Michelle. As Ted reads Henry to sleep that night, he tries to ask Henry for information about Michelle and Jake's relationship, but realizes that what matters is that Jake makes Michelle happy and gets along with Henry.
Keeley is horrified to learn that an erotic video she made for an ex has been leaked online, along with dozens of other famous women's nude photos. Jack promises to take care of it. At the office, Barbara gives Keeley a prepared statement from Jack in which Keeley apologizes for making the video in the first place. On Rebecca's advice, Keeley tells Jack that she can't post the statement. Jack apologizes and blames her father's lawyers for meddling with the statement.
In the Richmond locker room, the team debates whether it's appropriate to look at the nude photos that were leaked. Jamie, Sam, and Isaac argue that everyone should delete nude photos from past relationships off their phone, both because it's the right thing to do and because celebrities like them are targets for being hacked. Colin argues that he shouldn't have to delete his photos just because someone else might invade his privacy. However, after the team learns that Keeley was one of the women who was hacked, they all agree to delete every nude photo or video they've ever been sent. Colin slips out of the locker room to delete his photos privately, but Isaac, thinking that Colin isn't taking the situation seriously, follows him and grabs his phone to delete Colin's photos himself. Upon seeing the photos and realizing that Colin is gay, Isaac silently gives Colin his phone back and walks away.
The next day, Richmond has the day off. Henry asks to go to a football match, so Ted and a reluctant Beard take Henry to the only local match that day—a West Ham game. Henry yells a greeting from the stands to Nate, who waves back. Afterwards, the three go to The Crown and Anchor for lunch, where Ted gets a text from Rebecca saying she has an update for him. Ted steps away to call Rebecca as a nearby busker begins performing "Hey Jude". Beard tells Henry that the song was written for a little boy whose parents were going through a divorce. On the phone, Rebecca tells Ted to stop worrying about whether Michelle gets engaged, because "that time in your relationship with her has passed, but your time with Henry hasn't." Ted returns to the table with Beard and Henry and joins them in singing along with "Hey Jude."
Jack and Keeley go minigolfing, where they run into Jack's old friend from university; Jack introduces Keeley as just a friend. That night, Jack gives Keeley a "toned-down" version of the prepared statement that still has Keeley apologize for making the video. Keeley refuses to post the statement, causing her and Jack to get into a fight wherein Jack blames her for making the video in the first place before storming out. The next morning, Jamie stops by Keeley's house to see how she's doing. It's revealed that the video was originally made for Jamie. He apologizes for inadvertently being the source of the leak; even though he'd deleted the video from his phone, he'd forgotten that there was also a copy in his email. Meanwhile, Michelle and Jake return from Paris, which Michelle says was just okay. When Michelle goes to pick up Henry from Ted's flat, Ted sees that she isn't wearing an engagement ring.
Tropes featured in "We'll Never Have Paris" include:
- An Aesop: Leaking someone's nude pictures is a horrible thing to do, and the blame falls entirely on the person or people who do it.
- Alone in a Crowd: Isaac walks away without a word after finding that Colin is gay. We get a cut of Colin sitting on the couch forlorn as several people walk by him.
- Ambiguous Situation: After all Ted's worrying about Dr. Jacob proposing to Michelle, she comes away from the weekend without a ring on her finger. We never learn if she said no, or if there was no proposal in the first place.
- Bait the Dog: After Ted attends the West Ham match with Henry, Rupert texts Nate to let him know he'll make sure it never happens again. Nate initially types out a text assuring Rupert it's fine and he doesn't have to... only to then delete it and instead text him thanking him for doing so.
- Birds of a Feather: When Ted drops one of his usual analogies whilst talking with Michelle and Dr. Jacob, Michelle swiftly follows up with one of her own.
- Brick Joke: Isaac orders the team (and Will) to delete any pictures they still have of their exes, before going after Colin. We then get a scene of Rebecca comforting Keeley. We then cut to a tearful Richard, still in the locker room, still deleting his pictures.
- Broken Win/Loss Streak: Richmond's loss streak is over, with their Total Football strategy so far working wonders for them.
- Busman's Holiday: On the one day off Ted can spend with Henry, Henry insists that they, along with Beard, go see a football match. Ted compares this with asking a mail carrier to go for a walk.
- Call-Back:
- Ted asks how Henry is getting along with the student he bullied.
- Rebecca tells Keeley about her night in Amsterdam and wishes she had slept with her Dutchman.
- Capitalism Is Bad: Invoked when Beard, Roy, and Trent comment on how Will has Henry do his job in the guise of making it a game.Roy: Is this a game or child labour?
Trent: In late stage capitalism, what's the difference?
Beard: Word. - Character Check:
- Continuing from the previous episode, the audience is reminded that outside of his budding relationship with Jade and his interactions with his family, Nate is still very much a self-centered Jerkass. When he attempts to start his own version of the Diamond Dogs, his staff immediately assumes he's going to punish them for something because of his previous Mean Boss behavior. Then when Nate explains what's actually going on, Roger shows some enthusiasm for the idea and starts to talk about his problems with caring for his elderly parents. Nate cuts him off because he only cares about his own relationship problems and wants advice for himself.
- Many of the Greyhounds have this during the discussion of the leaked nudes: they're a sweet bunch, but they also still enjoy a particular male privilege which means many of them don't initially get what the big deal about the leak was. Colin in particular, despite being a fundamentally sweet guy with his own reasons not to want private information spread, shows a certain degree of his old entitlement in season one by being so dismissive of the leak victims and thinking he should get to keep nudes of exes as they're now his "property" (though he at least has the excuse of putting on an act to hide his sexuality). It's not until they learn that Keeley was affected (and thus they are dealing with someone they know personally) that they agree to delete them.
- Character Development: Although he wants to focus on his relationship issues, Nate is notably nicer to his work colleagues than at the beginning of the season: reassuring them that they're not in trouble and thanking them for meeting with him, even though their advice was truly awful.
- Conspiracy Theorist: Bumbercatch isn’t convinced that it’s impossible to steal memories.
- Continuity Nod:
- A very subtle one. When the entire team yells at Jamie for his past transgressions in "Do The Right-est Thing", background character Reynolds can be heard shouting about something that Jamie said to his daughter. In this episode, Reynolds asks if sonograms count as private photos that should be deleted, implying that he keeps a sonogram of his daughter on his phone.
- Once again, Richard is ordered to destroy a memento of one of his trysts, and once again, he is visibly upset as he does so.
- Crazy Jealous Guy: Ted becomes one when he suspects that Dr. Jacob might be bringing Michelle to Paris to propose to her. Rebecca eventually calls him out on it and tells him he needs to accept their relationship is in the past and just focus on his father-son relationship with Henry. Ted does so, but he still can't help but check to see if Michelle has an engagement ring.
- Description Cut: At the end of the opening voiceover montage of Richmond's winning streak, Arlo White notes that "you have to think that no one is happier than Coach Ted Lasso". The show then cuts to Ted at the Crown & Anchor seeing Michelle and Dr. Jacob in-person for the first time as a couple and just barely masking his misery.
- Fatal Flaw: Roy’s insecurities come back with a vengeance when he ruins a nice moment with Keeley by asking who the leaked video was for.
- Gilligan Cut: Ted goes to Rebecca for a private talk while he's supposed to be coaching.Rebecca: Shouldn't you be at training?
Ted: Don't worry. I've got that all covered.
[cut to Henry playing Keepy Uppy while most of the team cheers him on] - Green-Eyed Monster: Ted gets it in his head that Dr. Jacob is going to propose to Michelle, and the thought drives him crazy.
- Hidden Depths: Zigzagged. Jamie has grown a great deal over the course of the show, but here we find that he is proactive in deleting any pictures of former lovers, though it turns out he sometimes forgets the emails. This is a longstanding practice of his, and he did it even before he became a better person.
- History Repeats: Once again Richmond beats Tottenham Hotspur on an extra time goal and defeats Everton at their home ground in Liverpool.
- History with Celebrity: As more evidence that Jack is wealthy and well-connected, her "Uncle Bernie" is billionaire fashion mogul Bernard Arnault.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: Colin's enthusiastic reaction to hearing about the nudes leak and then arguing he shouldn't have to delete nudes from his phone causes Isaac to think Colin isn't going to follow orders and the resulting confrontation leads to him discovering Colin's secret.
- Honorary Uncle: If it wasn't already clear, we get confirmation that Coach Beard is an uncle to Henry. Some of Beard's mannerisms have rubbed off, and Beard talks to Henry about how Ted and Michelle's divorce doesn't impact their love for their son. He even goes to Ted's flat early to make them breakfast on their day off.
- Hypocrite:
- Played With. Isaac firmly said that people shouldn't look at pictures that weren't meant for them to see, but he grabbed Colin's phone to delete the pictures himself. However, considering Colin made inappropriate comments about the leaked nudes and was then resistant towards the idea of deleting the nudes of exes, the narrative portrays Isaac's actions as ultimately trying to do the right thing rather than hypocritical.
- Colin, who doesn’t want the public finding out about his sexuality, doesn’t seem to find anything wrong with women’s sex videos and nudes being leaked or with people looking at them afterwards. However, this could have been due to anything from Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today? to Pretend Prejudice.
- Nate tries to start his own version of the Diamond Dogs at West Ham and explains to his staff how he wants them to use the meetings to talk about their personal problems. When Roger actually starts to do so, Nate cuts him off because he doesn't actually care and just wants relationship advice for himself.
- Internal Reveal: Isaac grabs at Colin's phone and sees the picture on it, finding out that he's into men.
- It's All About Me:
- Nate tries to create his own version of the Diamond Dogs at West Ham, but he immediately cuts off Roger as he begins talking about caring for his elderly parents in order to ask for relationship advice.
- Over the course of the episode, it becomes clear that Jack is more concerned with how Keeley's leaked video affects her own image than how it affects Keeley.
- Colin arguing that he shouldn’t have to delete nudes and sex videos of exes because ‘they’re my property’. Even if you agree that he's applying his own baggage to the argument (not agreeing to delete photos on principle because they'll be all he has left of relationships he can't go public with), he's still essentially centring his own experiences over those of vulnerable women.
- Dr. Jacob is more concerned with getting selfies with phone booths and black cabs that helping Michelle and Henry with their luggage.
- It's All My Fault: Jamie blames himself for Keeley's predicament, as the video that was leaked was one she made for him when they were dating and he forgot to delete it from his email after their breakup.
- It's Personal: The argument about whether to delete old nudes sent by exes cuts right to the heart of it when Sam reveals that Keeley was one of the people hacked. Everyone shuts up (though obviously Roy and Jamie are hit the hardest) and agrees that deleting photos is the right thing to do.
- Lonely at the Top: As his disastrous attempt to recreate the Diamond Dogs shows, Nate doesn't have any friends at West Ham. His staff members only see him as their boss and work colleague, while Rupert can't be bothered to go out of his way to attend a meeting with Nate because he doesn't actually care about him.
- Malaproper: Ted makes a storm of mistakes during his conversation with Rebecca at the pub, talking about Michelle's favorite places in Paris, like the George Stanknote and the Plaza Anthonynote , the first from French Kiss and the second from Sex in the Citynote
- Not So Above It All: Roy tries to stay out of Diamond Dogs' business, but he can't help but chime in.
- Oh, Crap!: Upon learning Keeley was one of the victims of the leak, the players realize their own devices could be a hacking target and the same thing might happen to the women who sent them nude content. Thus, they quickly take out their smartphones and start deleting.
- Open Mouth, Insert Foot: Roy ruins the nice moment he was having with Keeley in light of the sex video leak when he suddenly asks who that video was for.
- Out of Focus: Rupert only appears in a brief non-speaking shot of him reacting negatively to Richmond's win streak. We also get a text message from him later.
- Downplayed by the Pub Regulars, who only appear in the background during the Hey Jude scene. It's unusual to spend so much time at the Crown & Anchor without getting more of them, but they are recurring characters and were prominent in the previous episode.
- The Password Is Always "Swordfish": It turns out that Jamie's email password is "Password". He thought he was being clever because he spelled it with two S'.
- Relationship Labeling Problems: Nate and Jade have started dating and sleeping together, but Nate (due to his insecurities) is uncertain what label to put on their relationship. Jade initially dodges the subject, but at the end of the episode she pointedly refers to Nate as her boyfriend, putting him at ease.
- Relationship Upgrade: Nate and Jade officially start dating.
- Replacement Goldfish: Nate tries to create his own version of the Diamond Dogs, but it fails for three reasons: his staff only see him as a work colleague and not a friend, the advice he's finally given is terrible, and he doesn't care about any of the others' problems.
- Ripped from the Headlines: The private photos and videos of many female celebrities being leaked onto the internet was inspired by "The Fappening", a similar incident that happened in 2014. It's even given a similar nickname, "The Great Awankening".
- Rule of Three: All three of Keeley's shown romantic partners (past and present) talk to her about the leak. Roy comforts her and offers his complete support, which she appreciated, but he ruins it when he asks who the leak was for. He tries to cover for it, but too late. Jack initially says all the right things, but her actions lead to an argument where she reveals that her biggest concern is how this reflects on her, and she storms out implying she might not be back. Finally, Jamie comes by to apologize, as the sent video was for him and while he did delete everything she texted him, he forgot about the emails until it was too late.
- Secret Relationship: Zigzagged. Everyone important in Keeley's life knows about her and Jack, but Jack proves hesitant to introduce Keeley to the people in hers after the video leak.
- Serious Business:
- The Crown & Anchor is a Richmond pub, period. Mae won't hesitate to refuse service to rival supporters no matter how young they are.
- The moment the Richmond players find out Keeley was one of the women who had nudes leaked, they immediately stop squabbling about the matter and start deleting any photos and videos from past relationships.
- Slut-Shaming:
- As Jack is busy with taking care of her PR after Keeley's leak, it becomes apparent she is less upset about the invasion of privacy and more about the fact that Keeley created lewd content in the first place.
- Some of the team blame the victims of the leak, claimed that if women didn't want naked photos of themselves shared, they shouldn't take them. Happily, Isaac, Jamie and Sam appear to get through to them by the end of the scene.
- Snooty Sports: Jack invites Keeley to a polo match with her spiffy social circle. When that falls through, they go for minigolf, and Jack turns out to be great at it:Jack: What can I say, I'm the daughter of a billionaire. I learned to read the green before I learned to read a book.
- Sour Supporter: While Coach Beard agrees to attend the West Ham match with Ted and Henry out of loyalty, he is not happy about doing so and makes this clear by donning all of his Richmond gear.
- Subtext: When telling Henry about the story behind "Hey, Jude", he mentions how Jude's dad had a best friend who didn't like seeing Jude sad and wrote the song to help cheer him up.
- Suspiciously Apropos Music: After Ted ducks away to take a call from Rebecca, the busker at the Crown & Anchor bursts into a rendition of "Hey Jude" by The Beatles. Henry recognizes the song, and Beard tells him about how Paul McCartney wrote the song for Julian Lennon after John Lennon and his first wife Cynthia divorced.
- Take That!:
- When Barbara gives Keeley the apology statement to post on social media, she tells her she can skip posting it on Facebook since "it's for grandparents and racists now."
- When Sam reads The Sun's headline about the the nude photo leak, he asks what the opposite of being clever is and the team unanimously respond with "The Sun". The Sun is a British tabloid notorious for trashy reporting, and amongst football fans for their fraudulent reporting on the Hillsborough Disaster.
- While giving (unhelpful) advice to Nate, Roger refers to a book saying that "if you like a woman, you should insult her", a reference to the concept of negging used by some men to pick up a girl by undermining her confidence. Nate's horrified look and instant dismissal of the conversation makes it pretty clear how the writers view such approaches.
- Team Dad: After the team discusses the notion of whether or not to delete nudes and lewds from former partners, they learn that Keeley was one of the people affected by the leak. Isaac, as Captain, immediately puts his foot down and insists that the team delete any sexy photos they still have.
- What the Hell, Hero?:
- When Colin, one of the Richmond players who had protested deleting photos and videos of their exes, leaves the locker room immediately after Jamie and Sam, Isaac goes after Colin and confronts him over not doing as instructed by deleting the pictures.
- A two-way example. Mae is most displeased when she sees that Ted and Beard have allowed Henry to wear a West Ham shirt to a Richmond pub. Beard, meanwhile, is aghast that Mae would refuse serving a child over the slight.
- Rebecca points out that Ted shouldn't be obsessing over Michelle when he should be spending time with his son.
