Quotes / This Loser Is You

Comic Books

There, happy now? Pleased to see the mystery resolved? Little old me getting the girl, the cash, and ending our story as one of the secret masters of the world? God, you are such an asshole, and I speak from experience. It only seems like yesterday I was at your level on the pathetic-o-meter.

— Wesley Gibson, Wanted

Live-Action Film

Wesley Gibson: Six weeks ago, I was ordinary and pathetic just like you. Who am I now? Account manager? Assassin? Just another tool who was mindfucked into killing his father? I am all of these. I am none of these. Who am I now? (cut to Wesley at an office desk) This is not me following my destiny. This is not me following in my father's footsteps. This is definitely not me saving the world. (Sloan approaches and holds a gun to his head)
Sloan: Still trying to figure out who you are?
Wesley: This is not me. ("Wesley" turns around) This is just the motherfucking decoy.
(Sloan looks down, realizing he's standing on a cardboard X)
Sloan: Oh fuck... (a bullet goes right through his head)
Wesley: This is me taking control. From Sloan. From the Fraternity. From Janice. From billing reports. From ergonomic keyboards. From cheating girlfriends and sack-of-shit best friends. This is me taking back control of my life. (Looks at the viewer) What the fuck have you done lately?

— Wanted

Live-Action TV

"America, America, this is you"

— The original theme song for America's Funniest Home Videos, a half-hour of recordings of people doing stupid, stupid things.

"Are you having trouble finding your ideal mate? How about any mate? Do you fear you'll be the last man or woman on earth still not getting any? Are you using roofies to score? And you still hope to land that prince or princess of your dreams? Well wake up Sleeping Ugly! Because your only hope is Lowered Expectations. Our video library allows you to choose from thousands of chronically rejected singles just as hard up and pathetic as you. So good luck, you'll need it."

— Host, MADtv (1995), "Lowered Expectations"

Music

Here's the last toast of the evening, here's to those who still believe
All the losers will be winners, all the givers shall receive
Here's to trouble free tomorrows, may your sorrows all be small
Here's to the losers, here's to the losers
Here's to the losers, bless them all

— "Here's to the Losers", Frank Sinatra

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
My head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
That I might not last the day

— "Thank You", Dido

Web Animation

Not only is The Everyman stupid, but he's also a loser! It's time for the writer to unleash their cynical hatred of the audience by insulting their surrogate. Make the Everyman a loser. Nothing goes his way, everything is his fault, and he's an idiot. Exactly how the audience wants to see themselves.

— Terrible Writing Advice on The Everyman

No More Heroes is a Japanese game based around Jedi lightsaber fighting and starring as the main character a hopeless pop-culture obsessed social reject who spends most of his time whining, getting strung along by women, and being a generally unlikeable fuckbend. So at least you can't fault it for understanding its audience (predictable joke).

— Zero Punctuation on No More Heroes

Web Original

"[The protagonist Atsuko Kagari is] like someone who joined the [animation] industry out of passion but without actual technique, so she can't draw clean lines for in-betweens. Yet she has that egocentric confidence about being able to draw good key frames despite that. We wanted to transpose that idea in a wizard story."

—Yoh Yoshinari on Little Witch Academia

Pegg’s Gary King is like those people we all know, who flourished back in the days when social standing was determined by haircuts or being good at football, but with grey, adult lives that made so few new memories, schooldays are grimly fresh in their minds. His rage at the excruciating limbo of adulthood, where you feel you’ve been sold a lie; exciting beginnings that never begin, fulfilling futures that didn’t show up...These periods are easily revisited, even unintentionally, with sense-memory time-travel, like the Stone Roses songs that farted out of King’s tape-deck. Sometimes you doze off and have a cruel snatch of a dream that puts you right back there. You’re at your first job, or back in the sixth form, and you feel it; that hope, and all the possibilities; things you didn’t even realise you felt at the time, but now they’re gone, and you’re 34, broke, falling asleep in the bath to flashes of a time when you felt like you had a life awaiting you, and the only thing that stops you opening your fucking neck with a bread knife is knowing how badly your mum would take it. Anyway, great film.

— Stuart Millard on The World's End

Rose pretty much lives up to every working class stereotype; being brought up in an ugly council estate with an absent father (okay he died) and a scrounging mother who is as common as muck and keeps going on about compensation and handouts. Jackie goes one step further by being a total tramp, coming onto the Doctor (a complete stranger) in her dressing gown. But what salvages all of these characters is the natural good humour that they express and the fact that they all seem so real...She has no A Levels, no job and no future — perfect companion material then.

— Joe Ford on Doctor Who, "Rose"

I've heard a theory that says heroes need to be slightly dumb so that the audience member who makes a lot of mistakes herself can emphasize with them. That makes me think of a lot of books I've read and decide, 'Not that dumb.'

— Limyaael's Fantasy Rants

But to me, the fun of it is, at his basic core, even if you strip away "with great power Comes Great Responsibility", what makes Peter Parker this character that resonated with all of us is that he's really the first character who's you. He's the guy you know. He's not a wealthy billionaire playboy, he's not an alien from another planet, he's not a god from a pantheon. He's the guy down the block that trips and falls, who screws up in every way you screw up. All the self-destructive traits you have, and your friends have, he has. People say to me, "Who's your favorite Spider-Man villain?" and my answer is Peter Parker, because no one can mess up Spider Man's life like Peter Parker can.

— Dan Slott on Spider-Man

Web Video

"You buy our crap because you're a loser, so keep buying our crap, loser!"

— Linkara on a scene in One More Day

Making Peter an inconsiderate asshole is where The Amazing Spider-Man (Dan Slott) fails and why it ends up pushing so many fans away. That's not relatable, and that's not a role model!

— GodzillaMendoza, "How Nick Spencer Redeemed Spider-Man"

Yes, Kari Wurther from Sliders is in this movie. She plays a spoiled, wisecracking valley girl who accidentally crashes through the Portal of Time and finds herself in Dar's dimension—and let's just say, she's not exactly the best ambassador our world could send.

—Noah Antwiler on Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time

Who doesn't remember the time when no one came to your sixteenth birthday party? Or when you wrote erotic fanfiction about the hot guy in class and accidentally handed it instead of the assignment? (Movie, that's not relatable. That's creepy.)

— The Nostalgia Chick, on Louise from Teen Witch

Season 3 [of Sherlock] features several characters whose sole job it is to portray fan theories and theorists and make fun of them and call them stupid for bothering to try and figure out what happened based on the information given to them by the show. [...] People trying to figure out the mystery in a mystery-story are presented as a little club of weirdos being weird together. The creator of the story appears to be so fundamentally incapable of recognizing how to tell a mystery, that he's perceived people treating it like one as insane!

— H. Bomberguy, Sherlock Is Garbage and Here's Why

Western Animation

Bart: Kwyjibo. Uh... a big, dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin.
Marge: And a short temper.
Homer: I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape! [leaps for Bart]
Bart: Uh oh. Kwyjibo on the loose!

— The Simpsons, The Simpsons S1 E2 "Bart the Genius".

"Are you broke? Out of work? Stuck in a rock? Well, that explains why you're watching mid-morning TV, you lazy worthless goons! YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

— A TV advertisement, Earthworm Jim

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